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I Need Some Help, Please!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

A Christian single blogger wrote today about what a bad job the church and Christians are doing talking up the good things about marriage.  He says singles are already afraid of getting married and they already know marriage is really hard – and that what they need to hear is what we love about marriage.   I think he has a good point.

So – I am asking you to help me with a post for my site www.peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com

Believers, please leave comments that I can quote anonymously on a post about what you LOVE and ENJOY and SAVOR and are THANKFUL FOR about being married!

Thank you so much for your help!

45 thoughts on “I Need Some Help, Please!

  1. God gives us a friend in marriage to help us unwind, to evaluate our lives and share or deepest burdens with. As a couple, we never have to face the difficulties of life alone. There are some trials in marriage, but working through those small issues God’s way brings the greatest blessings of friendship, communication, and a better understand of God’s love for us.

  2. Growing up in a dis functional home with chaos all around, I am so thankful for a marriage where I know, with out a
    Doubt, that my husband will always be there for me as a constant. Someone is always on my side and by my side, and truly and deeply cares for me…no matter what. His love is unconditional, and that is something I treasure!

  3. I do not know what others will think about this one but it is honestly the first that came to mind. I love that marriage has forced me to grow in the Lord and now I see that life is not all about me. My marriage has made me a much better mother as well. I get to know what real love is; like 1 Corinthians 13 says. I look forward to the day when the Lord reveals to me much more (on the day I see Him face to face) about how He used my marriage for His glory. I’ve been married 18 years and it is hard! But, I would not have it any other way. 18 years, 5 children, one miscarriage and one more on the way I am so BLESSED! I have been with my husband for 24 years, more than half my life! I just would be so sad NOT to have him with me, no matter the difficulties! We are one!

  4. Hi, I love the fact that I have a partner that I am sharing my life with, marriage has so far taught me good lessons that i would perhaps not have learned in my single-hood, it has taught me to really love and forgive, it makes it easier to love and forgive other people because marriage is my training ground -:)
    I also love that I have someone to talk to about anything, he knows me in and out
    I enjoy spending time with my hubby, doing something together (like cleaning up) and all the fun. I love the outings and travelling with my husband
    I especially love that he treats me like a princess and that I am second in his life (after Jesus) 🙂
    I am mostly thankful that my husband saw me worthy to trust me with his life here on earth, and I am grateful that he is such a wonderful man that fears God and loves me with my many imperfections (sometimes I think my hubby deserves someone better than me) but I believe God put us together for a good reason and especially to teach me His ways.
    It is a wonderful journey to be on
    We do not have kids yet but I imagine the joy we will feel when we will see those blessings from God and especially as they resemble the two of us whether in appearance or character

    Marriage is really not as hard as people portray it if you make God the center of it and make your spouse more important than yourself

  5. I have been married almost 39 years and I consider my husband the biggest blessing God has given me. No, he’s not perfect and neither am I, but I can honestly say the friendship he and I share is as close to perfect as one can get. He has health problems that make me fear someday I may be without him so I cherish every single moment we have together. Of course there were times of differences and struggles but like the comment above, those times made me grow in the Lord, to see areas where I needed to change. I also feel 100% that if I had learned and truly applied the things that the “Peaceful Wife” talks about early in my marriage, many of those struggles would have never happened. Marriage for me is a safe haven where I am held when I sleep at night, where someone is looking out for me, helping me with things that come easy for him but difficult for me, where I feel loved and cherished 24-7. My husband and I work together in our business, we share the same interests and hobbies, we are always together and my only wish is that we would have more time to do the same!

  6. Good initiative, good post. I am not married yet. I’ve had this conversation with other singles and the observation is true that many marriages in and outside the church have visibly obvious issues. But the conclusion is wrong to become fearful and dissuaded about marriage itself. Such as conclusion is from the enemy. It should simply be more motivation to make sure that we take the opportunity during singlehood to overcome strongholds and become whole in Christ. We are in the end times where we have to fight the fight of faith to cling to hope for all things Godly including marriage.

    Besides comments from married people showing that it’s still worth it. Can folks also share what Godly principles and practices they use to overcome problems. Singles should see truth with hope.

  7. I thank God daily for my husband, our marriage and our children as well as grandchildren. Having Christ the center of our marriage was advice given to us as young newlyweds by the pastor who married us. Though we were young and not sure exactly what that meant, as time has marched on, we realize it was by far the best guidance we ever received, We celebrate our 30 year wedding anniversary this year. We are blessed to have each other, and realize that each day together is a gift from our Lord.

  8. What I love about marriage is knowing someone else so intimately, that you know them better than they know themselves. You can play house, live with someone, sleep with someone, and have children with someone without being married…. but kid yourself all you want, when you are a believer and you join in a marriage union, God does a miracle to literally bond the two of you as One in Him, like none of that alone can. That kind of intimacy that comes from Christian marriage can’t be faked. You love deeply, laugh harder, hug tighter, and pick up the pieces no one else would stay around to do, with compassion. You learn to forgive. We can pretend to be “one” and tell a lie with our bodies, but the true “Oneness” of Christian marriage is powerful and rich like gold.

  9. The best thing about marriage is the feeling of working through our problems and coming out on the other side. Marriage is a hard commitment to make, those words of ‘for better or worse’ are actually true…marriage is designed for the spouse to see the other person through their worst, even if it’s their fault. The feeling is so rewarding, it’s the closest thing to God’s love we will ever experience from another person here on this earth. There is a place in all of us that desires to be loved no matter what and that is something that is hard to find these days. So many people give up when things get hard but marriage is the greatest gift we have because the reward of working through those problems i s everlasting and completely fulfilling.

  10. I love my friendship with my husband and yes how Christ gives me an opportunity to step back and examine myself through any conflict,

    but let me be very honest about another aspect that I absolutely LOVE about being married to my man…SEX! The freedom to be expressive in it without the guilt of shame and sin outside of marriage!
    We have a beautiful covenant that is blessed so much when we come together this way.

  11. Being married is waking up with my best friend who chose me. Every day we are faced with rejections and hardships of this world and everyday one who chose me walks through our doors and wraps me in a warm, strong embrace. He keeps me balanced and grounded and gives me the most amazing advice and direction. In marriage, I have learned a greater understanding of God and obedience. Marriage has taught me Godly character and integrity, teamwork and sacrifice. Marriage takes work but the rewards are incredible. There is a physical and emotional closeness that can only exist in the commitment of marriage. Everything that looks like marriage but isn’t is a cheapened imitation of marriage.

  12. I find it sad that we have to try to convince single Christians to marry. Isn’t that what God designed us for. (Adam and Eve). Do we have to persuade them to follow God’s will? Maybe we should be teaching them what the bible says about being celibate unless you’re married. I doubt too many people would want to volunteer for celibacy. Perhaps this is the result of preaching what people want to hear instead of what the Gospel says.

  13. If he or she wants to be sold on it, then they are already in the wrong state of mind. Sounds childish to me. Marriage is not a new car or a timeshare!

    Can we dress up puberty, childbirth or old age? Death? No. Like marriage they are also natural, important phases of life that do bring lessons and incredible blessings.

    But it’s not all fun and games. It’s hard. It’s stressful. It’s complicated always.

    Marriage is fulfilling but it is service.

    Service = work.

  14. I’m thankful for someone who will eat my cooking and say its good. Men like that are hard to find, and even harder to hang on to, especially when you are secretly feeding the dog under the table to get your plate clean. Those are the gentlemen who hold the door for you, go to the closet on cold nights for a heavier blanket to cover you better, keep your car serviced, and pray with you when you hurt. They don’t have to say they love you for you to know it already, but they say it anyway. I know, because I’ve been married to that kind of man for nearly 37 years.

  15. Marriage is like an adventure…there’s some fun exciting stuff with a lot of plodding between times. It is absolutely worth it. Sure, there’s hard things but being alive is hard. Being single is hard. “Hard” is not actually a problem, it should be expected and welcomed as having value.

    I think marriage has been easier in many ways than being single, and I got married at 30. It has been easier because we are both committed to Jesus and to the covenant of marriage. It has been very difficult at times, there have been many trials, but there will be trials no matter what happens because that is the way life is. Being married for soon 30 years, I can assure you that it is absolutely worth any hardship.

    I think it was Louis L’Amour, in one of his books, that said something like “when two walk beside each other there is no road too long or too dark”. And that is true.

  16. I don’t think I can add more to what’s already been said. But…. If you chose to never marry I believe you’ll be missing out on so much life has to offer. Sure marriage is tough, but at the end of the day you’re best friend is right there with you through the highs and the lows. Life is hard even if you’re not married. Why not have your best friend along with you to help you through life’s trials. Yep, you’re going to have trials with each other, that inevidible. But when worked through said trials, you’ll each be better people.

  17. Thank you all SO VERY MUCH for your comments! I can’t wait to start putting some of these together – I might have to make several posts. But that is fine with me. I love focusing on the good things about marriage. I, for one, LOVE being married and am so thankful for the way that God uses marriage to make me more like Christ. I would hardly know I was a real sinner if I wasn’t married! And I love learning about the differences between masculinity and femininity and how they display the powerful mystery of Christ and the church. I love learning about team work and oneness. I love the intimacy on EVERY level. I like having all kinds of intimacy every day, myself! Sometimes I just am so amazed that I get to live with my husband and we get to share a bed and all of the blessings of intimacy together.

    I also love watching my husband grow as a leader and as a man of God.
    And I loved seeing him hold our babies for the first time.
    I love watching him love our children and play with them and teach and instruct them.
    I love dreaming together.
    I love cuddling together every night and talking about our day and all the things on our minds.
    I love exploring new places together and having adventures.
    I love not living alone – but with my very best friend.
    He takes such great care of me when I am sick.
    He shows me what real patience and forgiveness and mercy and grace look like.
    I am fascinated to learn more and more about who he is and how his mind and soul work.
    I love seeing how we complement each other.
    I am SO BEYOND thankful for God’s beautiful design for marriage – wish I had understood it a lot better at the beginning. But I am thankful for every day we have had to work and hash this out together.
    I’m thankful for the chance to learn to forgive others.
    I’m thankful for the chance to get to experience a deeper love – that mirrors God’s love for us.
    I LOVE being a mom and seeing the perspective of a parent and working with my husband – that helps me understand God’s love even more.

  18. I love knowing there’s someone special in the world who cares about me and loves me. It makes me feel stronger even when we’re not together.

    I love knowing marriage is something God created – something that is good. In marriage we can serve God by serving our spouse and all the while we’re both learning to be more Christ-like.

    I savour the little moments no one else sees, when my husband says a word in a certain way and I meet his eyes and we share a memory and there’s just this connection between two human beings you can’t find outside of marriage.

    I love being able to trust my husband to take care of me and make the right decisions for us. And even if he fails sometimes, that’s fine because God provides even then.

    I love how he knows when to push me (when I’m too scared to do something or when I’m just being emotional and should get over it) but also knows when I just need to cry and have him hold me for a while.

    So many other things, big and little, too… And that’s just after 8 months of marriage!

  19. Being married is having a loyal best friend and lover until death. It’s also waking up every day to an intriguing challenge to out-love each other. It is fun if we let it be. My husband so often hears young single men refer to “never getting married” because they don’t want to be told what to do. But I ask, when they are old and their parents are gone and they are unable to care for themselves, who will be there? Who will help them and love them and be a presence by their side to keep them company? I married at 19 and will be married 12 years in May. We’ve had some dark times that only strength from heaven got us through. But still today, there’s no one else I want to be with, spend the day with, spend a friday night with than my guy, my husband. Marriage is agreeing to let your love grow and mature daily for your spouse in fun times and in dark, trying times. Marriage is loyalty to the one your heart yearns for. Marriage is having someone to make and share memories with forever. And often, it can be a strong tower and a safe haven when everything and everyone around you is in utter chaos.

  20. OK, I gotta put my two cents in here! Most of what I have read in the comments here are true facts. It is true that in today’s churches premarital sex, or gratification of sexual desires is not given much discussion.It is also true that divorce is not regarded as the grave act that it is according to the Bible.As far as I know,divorce is only allowed in scripture by the husband’s choice and that only on the grounds of adultery.There is reference to a woman divorcing her husband in some versions of the bible, but it is always stipulated that if she does she is to remain single.This is a hard teaching for most Christians of today,but it is scriptural.Anyone who says otherwise has to contort scripture to say otherwise. Scripture plainly says that a woman is bound to her husband for as long as she lives. That said, let me extoll the virtues of marriage! I have been married for 36 years and I have seen the worst and most painful aspects of it all, and I would still do it all over again! Nobody understands me as well as my wife and I understand her better than anyone else. There is no exception there at all, not for mothers, fathers brothers , sisters, not anyone.Every man has a deep need to love and care for a woman,regardless of being married or not.I feel most manly when I can provide love and guidance for my wife by God’s grace to me.It really isn’t about what I can get from her so much as what I can give her that makes it so worthwhile to me.

  21. First, of all, I am going to do my very best, but please excuse any typos I may have, I am trying to type this with a new cast on my wrist and it is very slow going! I have to say, I can honestly understand where David is coming from. Society has done its best to warp the image of what a godly marriage looks like. Practically every’ commercial and every TV show portrays men as being big buffoons who need the “oh so smart woman” to lead them around and tell them every little move to make or the entire family would end up in a disaster! Be around any group of women and you hear how disrespectfully they speak of their husbands. I am saddened and shocked the way so many women talk and act. They have such an entitlement attitude when it comes to marriage. The concept of the wife having been created to be the husbands helpmate is completely foreign and insulting to them.

    I am the leader of a women’s bible study group that has been meeting for over 10 years. Whenever someone new comes to our group, they always comment how nice it was to be amongst a group of women who talked well of their husbands and marriage. They say they have never before been around women who spoke so respectfully and positively of their husbands. Many have left other bible study’s to join ours for this very reason. I know that men have their issues also, but I have observed many sad situations where I thought if only the wife would treat her husband with respect and love how different their marriage could be.

    My husband runs a mechanic shop that works on semi-trucks. He and I have gotten to know many of the drivers and many of them are reeling from having their wives just up and leave them, often with them having no idea that anything had been wrong. I think this world just hammering home the idea that women have been picked on they deserve this and they deserve that and men and marriage are beneath them has turned too many of us into arrogant, hard to please, individuals who are full of self-pity and self-seeking attitudes.

    The one thing that really helped me stop this attitude in myself was remembering a short little saying that Elisabeth Elliot said, and that was “Give up your right to be right” over the years when the temptation to push for my way or to try and convince my husband that my way of thinking was the only way, if I would just remember those six little words, it could keep a tiny little disagreement from turning into a huge blow-up. She had such an amazing way to show it’s the small things like “Giving up your right to be right” that following Christ is all about, and she always taught that for us women, our husbands, our marriages, and our children are our mission fields. Not for us to try to save them as a missionary does, but rather by serving and loving them and putting into practice the self-sacrificial love that Jesus taught us and by doing so, we will literally be completing the mystery of marriage being like Christ and his church.

    1. Norma: I appreciate your comment. And praise God for your Bible study group and the women in it.

      I agree with you about the value of Elizabeth Eliot’s writings. But there’s some irony there for me. My ex-wife loved Elizabeth Eliot’s books and sayings. To this day, one of her “favorite quotes” on her Facebook page is something like “Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.” Yet when the circumstances got tough (due to sins and hurts by both of us), ultimately she chose to change the circumstances and did not care (apparently) that Christ had specifically disapproved of her action. There was (and is) a blindness there that I have never understood. We must have had a thousand conversations where I would try to persuade her of the wrongness of how she was acting (and had been acting for years); she would respond by pointing out my sin; and I would agree with her about my sin but point out the difference that I had acknowledged that what I had done was wrong, had asked for forgiveness, and had taken concrete steps to try to avoid repeating the sin, whereas she wouldn’t acknowledge her behavior as wrong in the first place. It just seemed to go right over her head.

      1. David,

        This makes me so sad! As you know, I had the same blindness, and couldn’t see my sin at all, either. My husband never pointed it out to me. I often wonder if I might have been able to see sooner if he had.

        1. Often times men see the problem but won’t say anything because it is like sticking your hand into a beehive.

  22. Hey, y’all! Wow! While I was away from the computer for a few days (and in a bit of withdrawal!) – you carried on quite the conversation. I love discussion like this. Thank you all for being so respectful of one another and for sharing your perspectives. This is one of my favorite parts of blogging – to hear what you think about these topics! THANK YOU for your time and for sharing your hearts.

  23. There is no greater joy than getting to spend your life with your best friend by your side! It’s also amazing to see how (if you’re willing!!) God will use you to really grow, mature, support, help, and bring out the best in other another! Being married is so much fun and one great big, wonderful adventure!!

  24. I will say the proper challenge out there is “show”, not “tell”. You can tell all you want, but realize that those of you who are married bear witness of what marriage is to others. It can be a positive witness or a negative witness. That starts with the first marriage people witness (mother and father), and then goes from there.

    We see certain marriages and certain situations present themselves before our eyes. We see marriages of our friends blowing up around us with the private confessions of how well off we are, and then witnessing how true that is as the family court and the wife proceeds to do their best effort to destroy him and his life.

    This even extends to how the married couples conduct themselves in public. We see the new husbands suddenly have no time for us as friends, having to seek his wife’s permission to do even the simplest thing. We see all the public squabbles and fights, knowing glances when a joke like “her own wedding cake being the biggest killer of her libido” gets told in a group of men. We see the married men staggering into work in the morning with the “dead man walking” demeanor, obviously unhappy with life.
    This goes to the single women as well in how they conduct themselves before others.

    Simply put, there are a whole host of negative testimonials out there. When those come out, the answer is “that will never be me”. When those keep piling up, you have a problem, no matter what words are being said. The author makes the situation pretty clear:

    You ladies will never understand that you are your own worst enemies. Young men like the guy in the story are taking notice of your bad behavior and want nothing to do with you. If you ever really want decent men to come back to you, you better start policing your own. I know that will never happen but I’ll say it anyway.

    Again, “show”, not tell. If you want to see a decrease in the hesitancy to marry, the key is providing positive examples of what marriage is in both words and action.

    1. Ballista74,

      I agree with you that we need godly examples of marriage – and the church is sadly lacking in that department. 🙁

      It is my prayer that God might raise up an army of married couples who decide to do things His way and who can show and lead by example and teach others what marriage is designed to be and how to glorify God in marriage. I pray that this generation might repent and turn back to Christ and His Word and that we might leave a godly legacy for our children.

      The last few generations have really dropped the ball – in my opinion.

      What I desire to see is Christians taking God’s Word seriously and obeying Him even when it’s not popular and even when it is really difficult and painful and there is suffering. And then I believe that God can heal our marriages so that they are beautiful examples to the world of the profound mystery of the relationship between Christ and the church. It can’t be faked. It has to be real and has to be powered by God’s Spirit.

      Thank you so much for the comment!

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