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"My Husband Wants to Go WHERE!?!?!?!"

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From a reader.  THANK YOU to this precious wife for sharing her story and to God be all the glory!!!!!

BAD NEWS

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart sank when I heard my husband say that he was planning to take a trip to Las Vegas with a single guy friend from work. You’d have to know a great deal of our relationship history to fully understand why this hit me the way it did, but nevertheless I was distraught over it. I think most wives would feel a little uncomfortable with the idea of their man going away to a place like Las Vegas without them. I felt VERY uncomfortable, given my husband’s past issues.

THINGS HAD BEEN IMPROVING SO MUCH LATELY!

Things had been really looking up for our family, especially within my marriage. I was finally coming to a point where God was really showing me so much about what it means to be a respectful and submissive wife. I was effectively putting it all into practice, and I was really watching the changes happen. My husband was again warming up to me, after I had made him flee, so to speak, with my controlling words and behavior in the past.

Our marriage had been very broken. Once I stopped trying to force him to get close with God and backed off, he began to take an interest in God again. He started to really step up as a leader of our family in many ways I had never seen in all the previous years of our marriage. He wanted to have a pure life like I did, and after all the years of struggling, for us to be in a place where we both wanted the same thing was really amazing. What was even more amazing was the fact that I was able to understand so many new things about what to do and not do as a wife. I really felt like things were finally going to be okay, and I wasn’t going to have to deal with the same old behaviors from my husband.

As it turns out, I might always have to deal with those things, and just maybe, he might always have to deal with me struggling to be a respectful wife and messing it up more often than not. Unfortunately, we are sinners. This is the reality of all marriages, and I am learning A LOT about this. That is not to say that God can’t transform our hearts and make us more like Him everyday, but we will always struggle with our flesh. It would be foolish to believe that our husband’s are not going to make mistakes and hurt us.

MY FEELINGS ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR THE TRIP

When my husband told me about wanting to go to Las Vegas, I did not take it well. I tried very hard to respond as best as I could with many of the tools I’d learned from God and from April’s site, but it was hard. I was so confused. I thought my husband wanted to leave these ways behind.

  • Why would he want to run off and be in a place like that with his single friend?
  • Was I being judgmental by thinking this?
  • I thought he didn’t want to even drink anymore.
  • Why did he have to pick Las Vegas?
  • What would happen there?

My mind was racing. I should also mention that my husband works two jobs everyday so I can stay home with our sons. I am eternally grateful that he does this for us, but it can be very difficult, because we hardly see him at all during the week. It felt so wrong that he would take vacation time and be away from us by choice. It also hurt my heart deeply that he didn’t pick me to come along. I wanted so desperately for him to want to whisk me away on a romantic trip and be his first choice as a companion.

All of these emotions were flying around in my head, and it was so painful. I knew in my heart that I really had been doing the things God asked me to do in my marriage and as a wife, so I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I would have understood him wanting to go with someone else if I were still being controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful, but I knew I wasn’t. I was actively making sure I wasn’t.

WHAT I DID

I did tell my husband all of the different emotions I was feeling. That was also hard for me, because in the past I had really worried about how he would react when I shared negative feelings with him. God helped me through this, however, and I was able to share all of the issues I had more calmly than I would have in the past. Instead of demanding him to respond to everything I said, I let it be. This is also very different for me, because normally I’d be asking a million questions like what do you think or are you mad I feel this way… but, I didn’t. I let him take what I said into consideration and then I had to let God do the rest.

GOD WORKED IN MY HEART – A LOT!

Over the course of a month I struggled with trying to accept that he was going on this trip and trying to mold my feelings to accompany that as a truth. I still felt like it was wrong though. I kept praying that God’s will would prevail, whether it was for my husband to go or not.

This was a pivotal time for me in my relationship with God, because I started to realize that my motives were not necessarily right when it came to what I was trying to achieve as a wife. I wanted to be a good wife, but I also expected that my husband was going to be a good husband as a result. That is not always the truth. God really showed me that I need to be a good wife for Him. I need to make sure I’m being submissive and respectful for God regardless of what my husband is doing/not doing.

That was VERY eye opening for me. It was also a giant test, because I had to blindly trust God through it. I didn’t know how I’d survive those days he’d be away not knowing what was going on, but I had to just keep handing those fearful thoughts and feelings to God.

GOD WAS AT WORK WITH MY HUSBAND, TOO – UNBEKNOWNST TO ME!

Last week my husband came home from work and told me we needed to talk. My stomach was in knots, because I assumed he wanted to go over when he was leaving and all the details of the trip. Instead, he told me he realized that it was wrong to go with his friend. He said he left the whole trip in God’s hands and it was completely falling through. When they went to book the flight, the website would not accept their credit cards for some mysterious (GOD) reason. I guess his friend kept changing his mind as well.

My husband acknowledged that it was definitely the hand of God. He said he was very sorry, and that he wanted to make the family more of a priority. He then informed me that he wanted to take me on a trip instead! We will be going on vacation together at the beginning of next month!

I really am in awe of what God did with this situation. It’s hard for me to even express in words how thankful I am. The lessons I am learning are priceless.

MY MESSAGE TO WIVES

What I really want to say to wives is that you need to expect that your husband is going to mess up and do crazy things, but you can’t let that affect how you behave as a wife. Keep seeking God. Keeping asking Him to give you the strength to be the wife He wants you to be. He will equip you, and when things look grim, He is there, and you can most definitely trust Him. He will use your behavior and your faith to bring about positive changes in your husband, but it won’t always be in the way that you want or expect. It may just be a two steps forward, three steps back type of thing, but take heart, God is at work!

God works everything together for the good (of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose Romans 8:28). When I was struggling with all the confusion of this situation I felt like I couldn’t see what good would come from it at all, but then I remembered who God really is, and I knew I could trust Him with this.

If this hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have realized my focus in seeking to be a godly wife is to be God and only God. I learned that we can’t get stuck on the plans and ideas other people have. God can definitely step in the way and change things into how He wants them to be. As wives we need to fully and completely fix our eyes on God, and not have our focus on everything that is going on around us. God is in control.

So, this was really hard, but it was also really amazing and good for me. I think so many of the things we go through as wives are like that. Lessons are hard, but so very valuable. I pray that we keep close to God so we can grasp all the wisdom He wants to give us, and that we can be that godly loving example of Him to everyone around us. 🙂

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!  He IS able!  He is sovereign – even over our husbands.  We can trust Him.  And He will truly use all things for His glory and our ultimate good when we yield to Him and put our faith in Him.  WHAT A STORY!  It just gives me chills all over.  THANK YOU, LORD!

OTHER WIVES – if you have a story about how God worked in your marriage, or is working  in you and your marriage – please let me know!

44 thoughts on “"My Husband Wants to Go WHERE!?!?!?!"

  1. This is very inspiring. I can only imagine on how tense was that period for you emotionally. I would probably end up not sleeping not eating for and walking in constant worry, no matter how much I would try to persuade myself to focus on my actions and intentions. This is really a challenge, did it leave any lasting impact in your heart? Doesn’t that make your heart feel like after fire?

    1. Hi,
      I just read this post from your website/blog. My husband is soon leaving for deployment. We have had our issues with trust and infidelity while dating and even being engaged on both sides. but neither of us took it to a physical level with the other party just emotionally. I have really big trust issues when I had found out my husband had been messing around with women online and even while we were dating, but now I am starting to get over that. My husband is a non-christian and I was a weak Christian when I got married to my husband. I didn’t know it was wrong until I heard so from someone who was a Christian, but homelife for me with my family was becoming too much, came from an abusive home and very dysfuntional family and my husband then boyfriend/fiance was my only best friend who supported me in any way he could by being there for me. Now that deployment is coming up soon, I worry about him cheating on me because of the bars. I know they will be stuck months at a time on the ship and when they see land they will want to get off as soon as possible…it hurts to know that I am going back to my old way of thinking, how do I go about having faith in my husband despite our past and how I feel? I don’t want to be a control freak and I want to trust him, but he has hurt before even while we were married by sharing our business with another woman talking about how I had messed up with trying to find a place to live for us since I had to move to his duty station and how I spent money trying to help another woman who was a spouse move across several states. Any advice?

      1. Mia,

        It is a pleasure to meet you! 🙂

        Goodness, you had a very difficult history. What are you doing to heal from that and to examine the lies and ungodly thoughts that you may still have in your mind and heart and to replace them with the truth from God’s Word? Do you have a godly mentoring wife or biblical Christian counselor?

        How is your walk with Christ going now?

        What are your prayers for yourself and your husband?

        I understand your fears. What does your husband say about them?

        Here is the thing, I don’t know if you can trust your husband. But I do know this – you can trust Christ. He will never leave you or forsake you. He can give you the power to be the godly woman He commands you to be and desires you to be. He is sufficient to meet all of your needs. If you do have to face your deepest fear, He will be with you and He promises to even use it all for your ultimate good and His glory.

        I know that a lot of wives in your situation would become very controlling, nagging, overbearing, condescending, negative, and critical and would try to force their husbands to avoid sin. Of course, you can’t make your husband do what you want him to do. You can share what you would like for him to do. You can tell him that it would hurt you so much if he did sin against you. Ultimately, his greatest need is Christ.

        Please check out

        “When My Spouse is Wrong”

        “My Secret Idol”

        “Military Wives”

        Let’s think about how you can most build up, bless, encourage, respect, admire, and honor your husband now and when he is on deployment. That is what will most inspire him to want to remain faithful to you – that is the way to influence a man. Is it a guarantee? No. But if you push him away by trying to control him, it would be easy to push him right into temptation.

        I am praying for you both! My greatest prayer is for your husband’s salvation.

        Much love!

  2. wow! this was very helpful to me! my husband is in the military and there seem to always be training trips to a base in las vegas. my husband was given the opportunity to volunteer to go for 18 days, and he chose to go. seeing as only 3 months before, he had just gotten back from a 6 month deployment, i was incredibly hurt & had all those same worries & thoughts as you. i swung back & forth between what i knew i should do(lean on God) & acting out my bitterness. thank you for what you write! someone on kirk cameron’s site referred a reader to this site. im so happy i found you. thanks for being real.

  3. calama, I am actually the one who went through this and wrote about it. It was extremely emotionally trying, but God was really with me. I had a very hard time focusing on what to think, feel, and say, but I endured with a lot of prayer and a lot of continually handing it all to God. (The whole situation lasted about a month.) The lasting impact that it has had on my heart is that God is faithful when we put our trust in Him and do what he asks of us… Even when it seems early impossible. I am not angry with my husband or afraid he may pull something like this again… He very well may, but I know he is someone that is just trying to figure things out like I am, and like many of the things I’ve gone through in my marriage, God always helps me along and teaches me so very much. I know God has given me a heart of love for my husband as well, because I have no bitterness or anger about any of it. I have peace.

    1. Right now my husband is on a trip with the guys to Laughlin ( same type of atmosphere as Vegas with the Colorado river thrown in). My heart is crushed. I did not agree and he knew it. When we married almost 7 years ago we discussed the inappropriateness of trips such as this. There was no time to do any real praying. He said he wanted to go and two days later he booked the trip and within a week he was on his way.

      He turns everything around that I say. When I discussed trust being broken he went off the deep end saying he needs to protect himself physically, emotionally and financially. What does it all mean? A few days later he discussed a change with our cable service and when I asked about the new box size he starred yelling that he would cancel because it was obvious that I did not agree and hung up on me. Later that night he said he was 52 years old and doesn’t have to deal with this, etc.

      1. Susan,

        Such a painful situation for a wife. 🙁

        How is your walk with Christ going, my sister?

        Would you be interested in talking a bit more with me about what is happening, maybe we can hash through some things together? I will do my best to point you to Christ and His Word. 🙂

        Sending you the biggest hug!

  4. Oh to really get this concept and lead our hearts to be the wives we should be regardless of how our husbands are acting.
    Lord help us all conquer this battle!!

    Thank you for sharing your story! What a testimony!!

  5. This is beautiful!! The true blessedness from waiting on Him…He is so faithful!!! Thank you for sharing. I Love hearing these examples because they are just reminders that God is sovereign!!

  6. sarah, I’m praying for you, and for all of the wives that are struggling with similar issues like these. 🙂 I know going through that must be such a struggle. My husband works so much, and at times, I can get bitter, but then I realize there are army wives and wives with husbands that are gone so much longer than my husband is. If God can empower me to make it through this, He will definitely empower you to make it through your time apart from your husband, even if they are times he chooses and to places like Las Vegas.

  7. I feel like I need to respectfully challenge this article.
    I don’t understand the logic of women not setting boundaries with their husbands simply because they don’t want to be “complainers” or “naggers”.

    The author of this article was obviously extremely distressed by her husband going on a trip with a single friend to a place where his weakness would be put right in his face, whatever the weakness may be. Why on Earth would it be wrong for the wife to stand up for her self and say I am not comfortable with you doing this? Or to encourage him to not make foolish choices with money and morality?

    In addition, I find it somewhat dangerous to encourage women to submit to their husbands no matter what, because that it was God expects of you. That it doesn’t matter what your man does, it only matters how you behave for God. Where is the line drawn? Turning a blind eye at adultery? Ignoring out of control spending (I’m referring to the ‘I shouldn’t have any say in my bank account’ article)? A husband who is physically abusive, or does drugs or is an alcoholic? Do you not confront THOSE men because standing up for yourself is wrong and you need to behave in a “Godly” way? Because, the way men behave and treat their wives is important too, and the man in this article was being a selfish infant.

    I agree praying for someone can drastically work on them. But the bottom line is that humans have free will. God isn’t just going to wave a magic wand and suddenly your husband will take you on a vacation instead of going to bars leering at strippers. Setting your boundaries, expectations and just standing up for yourself as a human being (not just a wife) is important! And I think that advice such as this is plain dangerous and very harmful.

    1. Cake Girl,
      My apologies! I thought I had responded to this on my phone days ago – but I guess it didn’t go through.

      Thank you for your comments!

      Women CAN and SHOULD say what they want and don’t want and what they think and how they feel. What we are NOT able to do, but many of us try to do – is CONTROL our men. We can suggest, request, ask, etc. But we cannot demand or force or make them do what we want. And the more we try to do that, the more they will NOT do what we want – just because of our approach.

      She actually DID tell him she didn’t want him to go and gave him all of her reasons in December. And that is GOOD.

      This blog is written for women who serve Christ as Lord. Our ultimate submission is to Him. And because we love, honor and reverence Him as LORD of our lives, we obey His Word. The New Testament instructs believing wives to cooperate with their husbands’ God-given leadership UNLESS the husband is asking us to condone or commit sin against God. The authority of God’s Word trumps the God-given authority of any human. It is similar to the command that Christians are to cooperate with the government, and their boss at work, and with police officers and teachers, pastors, etc… but if that human God-given authority asks a Christian to violate God’s Word- then the Christian must resist. We must obey God rather than men.

      I am concerned that you are hearing my posts in a way that is grossly distorted from what I believe I am writing.

      NO – women are NOT to turn a blind eye to adultery. Women are not to ignore sin. We can and must confront sin in our husbands at times. And there are times when a wife must leave if her husband won’t change. I NEVER endorse women being physically abused. If you have read many of my posts, I frequently have disclaimers that “if your husband is physically abusing you, or is addicted to drugs/alcohol, has an uncontrolled mental condition or there is some severe situation in your marriage or you are not safe – PLEASE GET GODLY, EXPERIENCED HELP ASAP!”

      The article about money doesn’t at all say “I shouldn’t have any say in my bank account.” I get plenty of say in the money matters in my marriage. But I no longer order my husband around and tell him what he can and can’t spend. I don’t have to. Now he handles the main responsibility – but I can say what I want and don’t want any time – AND HE HEARS ME AND CARES ABOUT MY FEELINGS now that I am not constantly criticizing him, lecturing him, tearing him down, belittling him, and treating him like he was incapable – the way I did for 15 years – to the detriment of myself and him and our marriage.

      People do have free will. AND God is sovereign. He does answer prayers for those who trust Christ and His sacrifice on the cross. The results in each situation are up to God. This is not about God waving a magic wand. But God does honor those who trust Him and obey His Word. And He can work things out better than we can ourselves when we try to force people to do what we want.

      If someone is just submitting to her husband without Christ – that would be terrifying. But the foundation of biblical submission is that I give my entire life and being to Jesus. I die to myself, my desires, my plans, my will, my rights, my wisdom, my goals… and I live for His glory, His wisdom, His plans, His will, etc. So – it is not about getting what I want anymore. It is about seeking what Christ wants.

      I hope that clarifies a bit.

      thanks for your comments!

  8. Thanks for sharing. My husband isn’t a follower of God or christ at this moment, but I’m certain God is working in him. My husband likes to go to the bar and recently he came home drunk confessing that he got hit on by different women. So far that’s the story that’s being told. We have history of infidelity. Reading this is so inspiring. Even though there is trust issues I know that God can get us out of situations where we feel completely stuck and hopeless .

    1. Glory,

      Isn’t there such peace in knowing God is sovereign, and He is able to somehow bring something good even from this difficult situation in His timing for His glory?

      Praying for you, my precious sister! Praying for your husband’s salvation and for God to empower you to be the wife of His dreams. Praying for your life to be fruitful in His kingdom. Sending you a HUGE hug, sweet sister!

  9. You’ve been through the wringer, Girl. Isn’t God so unfailing, tender and loving, though? You write a wonderful blog and share a powerful message. Thanks and praise be to the mighty God who inspires and strengthens us.

  10. Very encouraging! Thuis can apply to men as well. We have to trust Him.

    “Faith has nothing to do with feelings or with impressions, with improbabilities or with outward experiences. If we desire to couple such things with faith, then we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith needs nothing of the kind. Faith rests on the naked Word of God. When we take Him at His Word, the heart is at peace.” George Mueller

      1. No problem! We are in this fight together to glorify our true Father. He is so worthy and He wants us to be able to truly know for ourselves how awesome he is in every situation. We have to go thru and to the ‘faith’ gym to grow. It hurts ALOT! but produce an eternal glory that outweights anything here on earth (2 Cor 4:17). I can’t deny the pain, but I do want to please ‘Abba’ and taste the fruit that springs up.We MUST pray for one another…

  11. WOW! That is truly an inspiring story! Key points for me were she stated how she felt and didn’t ask questions….and she let it go and let God work. That is a huge feat of faith. I can only pray that I would respond half as well. My flesh would have yelled and screamed and continued so for months until he changed his mind….which would have probably made him more determined to go and would have destroyed any intimacy in the marriage. Oh I pray for the wisdom to see this clearly if and when my turn comes with something like this!

    1. Daisymae,
      Isn’t God working in this wife such a beautiful example? We prayed together for weeks about this. God could have caused it to end differently – but I am in awe of what He did here!

  12. Thx 4 reminding me…god works things out, in his time & ways. I needed this reminder this a.m & to stay faithful in prayer!

  13. Added benefit to this approach:

    If he has any lingering resentment about things falling through, he can be upset with God instead of you.

    Funny, but kind of true.

  14. What an inspiring post. Thank you so much for showing me that it can be done. Sometimes when i face similar situations in my own marriage, i think that i am alone and no one can understand what i am going through. I am glad to note that there are others who are going through similar situations and are still trusting God through it all.

      1. I am going through something similar – what I regard as a broken promise from HTB. These days the second I feel anxious, upset, scared, confused I shut up and reach for the Bible or this blog! So before reacting I logged onto your blog and just asked God to guide me to read something encouraging and found this!! Disaster averted ALL because I could see how God worked through this faithful wife and know He is faithful and not a respected of persons and is the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow. What a blessing to learn from you all! I responded so well (proud of myself!! The old me would have gone all emotional) and am keeping my eyes on God, and just keeping on keeping on! Although it looks like a mess to me and I should be hurting in my heart (by the world’s standards) my heart is bubbling with anticipation on what God WILL DO! It will be so much better than I could make up 🙂 You ladies are awesome. Thank you!

  15. This is amazing. I am reading this in awe… I really needed this. Thank you for this post and this whole blog and for being obedient to God. You just don’t know how much you have impacted me and I AM SURE maaaaaaaannnnnyyyyy others

  16. I have been married for six months and my husband left me and the church. He gave his life to the Lord and we were going to serve God together. When things got tough, he left. He immediately ran back to the bars and God only knows what else. I am embarrassed and hurt and truly do not know what to do.

    1. Casey,

      I am so very sorry to hear about what a painful, difficult, fiery trial you are experiencing. 🙁 Would you like to talk a bit about what happened?

      How is your walk with Christ going?

      What do you believe God is calling you to do now?

      Are you speaking with him at all?

      I invite you to read the posts at the top of my home page – they can sometimes be a good place to start. I am not sure exactly what all you are dealing with, but I am happy to walk beside you, to love you, to pray with you, and to do my best to point you to Christ, His power, and His Word, my dear sister!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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