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A Real Life Example of Respect and Submission

The pictures are actually from our trip to Myrtle Beach 2011 when this story happened!


Here is a real life, super practical example of a situation one summer. We were leaving that morning for the beach to have a few days of vacation – my husband, our two children and myself. That morning our mini-van battery died. My husband – being the handy guy he is – jumped the van off, and got it going. I thanked him enthusiastically and suggested, respectfully and with a smile, “We have time to go by the Advanced Auto Parts Store if you want to, Honey.”

He said, “No, I think we’ll be fine”- he thought the battery just got run down from having the car doors open for a long time while we were packing the car, possibly, and didn’t want to waste time fooling with the battery unnecessarily.

(Let me say here – a few years ago, I would have INSISTED that we go get a new battery. I would have DEMANDED that we replace the battery – NOW. And I would have worried constantly if he didn’t replace it.)

Well, I decided to respect my husband’s decision as the leader of the family and said politely, “Ok, whatever you think!” And I read my book and seriously didn’t worry about it.  (This is the kind of peace God has given me daily for over 3 years now. By the time this incident happened, trusting God and my husband and respecting them was a normal, every day thing. It was not a struggle at all by this time.  My mind and spirit had been renewed already.)


We got to the condo at the beach and my husband parked head-first in a spot in the parking garage. When he tried to crank up the van later – the battery was dead. A few years ago – I am sure I would have berated him with an “I told you to replace that battery!” lecture and a lot of attitude. But I had learned to respect my husband, so I didn’t say anything nasty. I didn’t even think anything nasty or hateful. I was totally calm and at peace.

There were cars on both sides of us without owners. And there was a big island in front of our car that was probably 8 ft wide. I smiled at my husband in a pleasant way with an “I know you’ve got this covered” look and kept the kids quiet while he decided what to do. And I think I read my book some more.


Within a few minutes, a man came over and asked my husband if we needed a jump. He had bought extra long 12 ft jumper cables a few weeks earlier and his wife had ridiculed him for bringing them on their trip. But he insisted on bringing them “just in case.” (I’m SO glad he didn’t listen to his wife!) He was our personal angel sent from God at exactly the right moment! WOW! He wasn’t wearing a shining white robe, but I think I may have seen a bit of a halo at one point! 🙂

He jumped our van and my husband thanked him and went right to Wal-Mart and got a battery and replaced the old battery. I was peaceful, respectful, calm and not worried the whole time. I was not angry. I was not resentful. I knew that God and my husband had things under control and there was no reason to get upset or worry. It was not a big deal. No one was in danger at any point. My husband is a super capable, intelligent, responsible man and I believed he had things under control. And he did! I read my book. I enjoyed listening to the children play. I kept them from bothering their Daddy while he worked. I gave them some Oreos. And before long, the battery was replaced, my husband was my hero, I thanked him for taking care of the problem and we had a wonderful evening at the beach!


I COULD have disrespected my husband. I could have tried to take over. I could have arrogantly told him what to do. I could have barked out orders at him. I could have fumed or pouted. I could have gotten really angry at him and created a LOT of tension between us and ruined our trip. I might have done at least some of those things in the past when I felt like everything depended solely on me.

But when God’s Spirit is in control of my heart, God can use things for my good and to show me His provision and even miracles. I would have missed out seeing God send us an angel if I would have insisted on my way – AND I would have missed out on intimacy with my husband. AND I would have set a horrible example for our children about marriage AND I could have spoiled our vacation – as much of it as I wanted to. That is how much power I have with my choices and attitudes.


God has ways of bringing people and circumstances into our lives that we can’t predict when we are obeying Him and living by faith. Little or big miracles are waiting for those who trust Him.

What a blessing to see God provide in ways I couldn’t have imagined. And what an incredible gift to have God’s peace and to maintain intimacy, respect and connection with my husband throughout that situation that would have created a big conflict years ago. I learned quite a valuable lesson that day about the rewards of trusting God and respecting my husband.

I wonder what miracles I used to miss?


Thank You that You take care of us when we obey You. Thank You that even if our husbands make mistakes, You can use them as a showcase of Your power, sovereignty and glory! Thank You for Your wise words to husbands and wives. Thank You for Your beautiful design for marriage. Use each of us to bring great honor and glory to Your Name in our lives and our marriages!


47 thoughts on “A Real Life Example of Respect and Submission

    1. The reason I used to worry so much, is I was trying to handle it all without His power. THAT IS SCARY! But when He is filling me up and I am totally trusting Him – it is amazing to get to see what He does to cause things to work together for His glory and my good!!! It’s such an adventure every day! 🙂 Thanks, Sis!

  1. You know, I have to add to this a bit, b/c I related a lot. Just this past Saturday, my husband gathered our boys (16 and 14) and hit up the garage, which was in serious need of some reorganization. In a word, I wanted to get in there with them, as organization is a bit of a strength I have, especially when it comes to ‘stuff.’ Besides, the men couldn’t very well execute such a job w/o me to direct them right?

    Long story short, I stayed out of it, opting to put away Christmas decor–taken down by hubby and my younger son–and restore some post-holiday order to the house. Today (Monday) was the first chance I had to get to the garage.

    Lo and behold, they did a phenomenal job.

    Without me.

    Go figure. 😉

    1. Joanna, I love the way you told this story! You are so funny! 🙂

      Would you mind if I quote this story with your first name on my Facebook page sometime?

      What a great story! I’m so proud of you!

      Sent from my iPad

  2. Great post!! Every wife should read this and then meditate on it and seek God in prayer for the ability to be the submissive wife He wants us to be. I learned this and was so thankful when my submission actually saved lives. My son, who was 18 at the time, had come down with the flu and was running a temp. He had a basketball game that night about 60 miles away. I knew from experience with my older son that he should not go play that game. It was February and below zero. Basketball is a very sweaty game and playing it with a fever can cause sever dehydration. My son was their star player but I still would have had him stay home–except–at the last moment my husband was asked to drive the bus. When I broached the subject that I didn’t think my son should go to the game my husband said,” if he doesn’t go I’m not going to drive.” So I decided to be submissive and not complain about it. I went along. After the game( in which thankfully my son didn’t have to play too much) we started home from south Chicago. When we got close to the Elgin exit about another hour from home at after midnight. The two back tires on the left side of the bus came lose and flew off. A semi was passing us at the time and I saw one tire slide under it sheering off the brake lines. The other tire disappeared off in the distance. My husband is a very fast re-acter and very strong. He also used to be a truck driver so he was able to take control of the bus and bring it to a skidding stop on the side of the road. There’s more to the story —but no one was seriously hurt. A miracle! If the other man that would have driven the bus as a last resort if my husband hadn’t driven would never have been able to handle that bus when it flew out of control. When God gives us instructions in His Word it is always for our good:) God Bless

    1. Yes you are welcome to share my story. What I didn’t add was what happened after the bus accident. It was 1989 –so no cellphones—Yes a truly dark time in our history:) and so we are sitting on the side of the road in below zero weather. No phones. My husband and I got out to walk up the road to see if we could locate the other tire just in case it was on the highway somewhere. It was after midnight so traffic was scarce. Then a Mercedes convertible pulled ove(r (top of up) to ask us if we needed to call someone–He had a phone in his car!! My husband claims he must have been an angel–what were the odds someone would be there in the dead of the night with a phone? We were able to get help and get the one girl that had injured her back to the emergency room and call for our school administrator to bring another bus. God is Good!!

  3. The trust you showed your husband in a annoying incident is heart warming. Your measured response no doubt made that day a nice day. A way too typical response of “I told you so” probably would have resulted in a stressful day.

  4. April real stories are so so encouraging. For me you don’t even need to try or think about it – it is in you.
    ps my emails are still being returned must be something my side. Will keep trying

  5. I totally appreciated reading this, April! One thing God has taught me in my marriage is to allow my husband to actually do the leading. He will ask my opinion about something and I will let him know what I think and then end the conversation with: “But I’ll be happy with whatever you decide” because I truly am content and happy with his decisions (and that’s HUGE for this Type A personality!). And I leave it at that because — just like you said — “I knew that God and my husband had things under control and there was no reason to get upset or worry.”

    And then after a few days or weeks (depending on what the decision is about), hubby will come back to me to let me know what he has prayerfully decided and it is usually what I had suggested!

    You are a huge encouragement to me, but maybe I’ve already told you that? 🙂


    1. Anna, And you are always such an encouragement to me, too! I always look forward to what you have to say and share. Thanks for your willingness to share your experiences and the wisdom God has taught you!

  6. I love this post, I can totally relate, we can so easily cause big arguements and ruin the day if we get too involved or start criticising. I wish I had learnt this a long time ago…i feel so much happier not trying to control my husband or what he does anymore. I am trying to spread the word and tell my friends this better way of handling things.

    Thanks so much for your posts, they help so much. Praise God, he is gooood!


    1. JuR,
      I sure wish I had learned this 19 years ago myself! 🙂

      I’m glad you are experiencing the peace, joy and freedom that comes with obeying God’s design for marriage. AMEN! God is VERY GOOD!

      1. I want to be a good wife, but I find myself thinking I am doing a lousy job. I am trying to understand what you mean by these things, but some of the choices my husband has made have genuinely hurt me and the kids. I do not aim to berate him, but I tell him how these things hurt me and the kids and ask him how we can resolve them. Then he tells me I am always criticizing. I am trying to be neutral and talk about the pros and cons of choices. Usually he is unaware of 3/4 of the things I bring up as consequences of any given choice. Then he tells me that any of his ideas I shoot down. I don’t know what to say. I admit I am not always respectful. I am working hard on that. I just don’t know what to do.
        One situation happened when he planned on us going to his brother’s wedding in a far away state. For a year I asked him how much money needed to be saved to go, and as of the day we left no money was saved for the trip except what I put aside as an emergency fund. We had to use my credit card because he can’t get one. Then to top it off: A couple days before we were to leave I miscarried and was in a lot of pain. Then he was mad that we had to leave a day late because the doctor wanted to see me that day. When we were gone I had to call the doctor in our home state because of excessive bleeding from too much activity probably. I was really scared and in a lot of pain. I asked him to take me home and he wouldn’t do that or drop me off so I could take a bus home. Then when we were there, if I wasn’t jumping up and down happy he told me I sure was a downer. Now a year later, I am finally grieving the loss of that baby that no one would acknowledge my pain of at the time and have ignored ever since, and when I told him recently I was hurt by that behavior and I think I am depressed, he said to me-Well I told you I was sorry. (but it sounded flappant to me and not genuine).
        Now he decided to take a job that he is gone 5 or 6 days at a time in order to pay for the bills that were accummulated, still on the credit card from then and I end up having to work still full-time, take care of the kids, garden, pets, homeschool, house, yard, vehicles, arrange for childcare, make all the meals for the kids at home at at childcare, and I am completely shot. One day he was sick and I told him to come home and get to the doctor. He came home and went to the doctor the next day. I took care of him all weekend. Then the following week I was sick all week, had a fever, and couldn’t eat half the week (I didn’t mention I am nursing our 4 month old infant) and when he was home on the weekend he didn’t do anything to take care of me. I still had to do everything as normal and he was disappointed and angry that I didn’t make the whole weekend fun and carefree.
        I totally admit I could use an attitude adjustment, but I need to understand how I can talk to him to make our lives better. I cannot keep up with the tasks he is expecting me to do. I have told him that for many years, but he denies he expects me to do them, and now it is even worse.

        1. K,

          I am SO TERRIBLY sorry to hear about your miscarriage. 🙁

          Are you dealing with any addictions or mental health disorders in the marriage?

          Are both of you believers in Christ?

          What are some things you respect about your husband?

          Has he ever made decisions for which you are proud?

          What drew you to him before you were married?

          If you haven’t, please check out the posts at the top of my home page about disrespect, respect and biblical submission.

          I’m glad to hash through these issues with you!

          Much love to you!

          1. Are you dealing with any addictions or mental health disorders in the marriage?
            -I have had some postpartum depression before and I think I am just getting over it again now. We have been married 18 years. We have 8 children (ages 17, 15, 13, 10, 7, 5, 2, and 5 months) and I have had 2 miscarriages. He drinks a lot of caffeinated pop and is deaf. He says I am a workaholic and cannot relax, but I don’t feel like I need to work all the time I feel dumped on that if he or the kids don’t do the things that need to be done I get stuck doing everything. This began early in our marriage. If we didn’t have enough money, I had to pick up extra work to make it work out. It wasn’t him that would pick up extra work or get a second job or do more around the house. I always thought this was a practical decision, as I am a Sign Language Interpreter and I can always pick up freelance things here or there for triple the hourly rate he could ever make.

            Are both of you believers in Christ?
            -We met at church and yes are both believers. Although, I grew up reading the Bible at home during the week and looking for practical application and prayer throughout the week not just at meals. They went to church a couple times a week but didn’t read their Bibles during the week or pray together other than sometimes at meals. I have felt like if our family is to pray, read the Bible or have practical application throughout the week, it will be my responsibility. He has tried to lead Bible reading a couple times but became frustrated with the small children interrupting him. They do the same thing to me, but I redirect them and go on. He gets frustrated and doesn’t want to continue any more.

            What are some things you respect about your husband?
            -Honestly, I had to think about this a while. One thing that I appreciate very much about him is that he really has eyes only for me. He has mentioned to me on numerous occasions how women dress inappropriately and it makes it hard for any man to not look at them, but that he purposely doesn’t look.

            Has he ever made decisions for which you are proud?
            -Again, honestly, I had to think about this one a while as well. I am proud of that decision I just mentioned. Other than that, I feel like most decisions are relegated to me and he will just come along for the ride or he makes decisions without thinking about the consequences of them for the good or the bad, just whatever he wants at the time.
            -I told him recently I cannot do all the things he expects me to do, did he want me to send the kids to public school or homeschool them still because I do not have enough time to do it. He said he did not want them to be going to public school. I wan’t quite sure if that was a decision or not, but when we went to Sam’s Club I found some of the books I have used over the years and bought them. When I told him I had done so, I really wasn’t sure if he would say good or bad. He said good, too bad I couldn’t find all the rest that I would need.

            What drew you to him before you were married?
            -Friendship and knowledge. He was/is deaf and used sign language as well as speaking with his voice. I wanted to learn to be a Sign Language Interpreter-which I have been all these years-and he was willing to help me learn more than I knew already. He and I were best of friends for 4 years before we ever dated. We talked about everything. We talked daily and spent time together doing things, talking, having fun, working together, studying together, etc.


            1. K,

              Are there ways that your husband may feel disrespected?
              Is it possible that he is trying to lead, but that you don’t follow?

              I don’t know the situation – but these are some questions to ask yourself and to lay everything before God and ask Him to help you see as He sees.

              You don’t control your husband. You only control you. If you are able to focus on your sin, your repentance, your obedience to Christ and find your purpose, strength, contentment and identity only in Christ – God can use you as a partner to breathe life and healing into this marriage. But the goal has to be to please Christ alone.

              Would you consider reading the posts at the top of my home page about disrespect, respect and biblical submission, please?

              And then, let’s talk some more. Let me know when you are ready! I am glad to hash through these issues with you if you would like me to.

  7. So, I get the impression that this blog addresses mostly extreme behaviors that are often interpreted as disrespectful by husbands or even males in general; I’ve read about 5 of your posts and I honestly don’t experience women in this manner. Maybe a lot of this is cultural, because I just don’t personally know or associate with women who would “fume” and pout and berate another PERSON in public–especially if they claim to have some sort of God-consciousness and identification. I guess I’m a little confused why all of these particular topics because respect is a human issue and it seems like something that goes without saying, you know like basic.

    You mentioned the word “power”, saying see how much I had in the situation; well, I must tell you I am not completely sure why that word is used in the context of a relationship between two adults who are self-possessed and don’t need keeper so to speak. What do you mean please when you use this word. I’ve heard it many times, not just here but in other relationship readings. Why power? Just wondering.

    I found this blog, by the way, because I am trying to get a broad pulse on what women of various persuasions think and feel about their position in society these days. I’m doing this partly to help figure some things about myself and where I want to take my life from here.

    1. Angel,
      This blog addresses wives who tend to be controlling and disrespectful. And yes – most of these behaviors would be disrespectful if we used them toward anyone. And – absolutely – these things should be part of the basic way of how we treat anyone. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. So this blog is about women learning how to respect our husbands primarily, but also other people in general – with the goal of seeking to please God and bless others.

      When many women think of “power” in their marriage – they are talking about the power to force their way and get what they want.

      But – when our focus is on being godly wives – power, in God’s economy – is the ability and strength to do what pleases and honors God. Power in a godly marriage is the strength to be able to breathe life and healing into the marriage and to inspire our husbands, rather than focusing on being able to bully them into doing what we want them to do.

      Great questions.

      It’s wonderful to meet you. 🙂

      1. Oh, well okay. Well I don’t want to bully a husband. I’m not sure how I feel about marriage or getting married these days. I just do me and try to respect everyone you know. Like I have a relative who is “having issues” in the marriage and has asked for a separation after 18 years; even before asking for that, they might as well have been living separate lives just under the same roof. I don’t quite know how to comfort her; but if I’m honest she is a bit shallow and in the past I’ve been unsatisfied with her ability to listen and to even maybe have an conversation of depth with her (she is an aunt whose husband married into the family). Me and her husband are cool; sure he’s a bit of a slob, but as far as I can tell, he’s pretty chill.

        Anyway, other people in the family are starting to notice that she doesn’t have it all like she appeared to, and all I said to another aunt who was mad because she snapped at her is that, there is a special condition lately, and none of us really knows what’s going on in that marriage but them and God–HE MAY BE the tortured one. I just think it’s so funny how a marriage can appear one way in front of others and the situation as to who has the “power” be something totally different.

  8. In our marriage, we would have handled things a bit differently. My husband would proably have picked up on my worry about the battery. He wouldn’t have wanted me to be worried. He would have said, “Would you feel better if we change the battery?”

    I would have answered honestly, “Yes.”

    If hubby HADN”T picked up on my worry, I’d’ve said, “Honey, I’m going to be worried the whole trip about the battery. I’d feel better if we replaced it.”

    We would have changed the battery and had fun at the beach! We’ve been married nearly 25 years.

    Please take this counsel from an older, godly woman. You need to honor your own feelings as well.

      1. I’m glad you like it. Remember: honor your own feelings, and don’t hide them. Speak up, and tell your husband what you need. Men can’t read your mind, and certainly don’t want you to sit there quietly and blindly agree with them.

        1. CMG,
          Yes, if I had been worried – I definitely could have shared that. 🙂

          I agree that it is important for us to speak our feelings, our concerns, our needs, our desires – our husbands need our input and our perspective. They are definitely not mind readers. 🙂

          I love hearing from you! Thank you so much. 🙂

  9. April, thanks for your testimony. I’m reading this as a man who is not yet married, and I personally need to read articles like this as much as I can to have a good understanding in my mind what proper Christian communication looks like in the home. I don’t want to also abuse my own “power” in my future home, so I’m looking at marriage from the context of both the husband and wife’s role, but this article, and this blog specifically has blessed me tremendously!

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