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How to be a Lonely, Frustrated, Angry, Overwhelmed, Worried Wife

how to be

It takes a lot of work and commitment to do the things I am about to describe. But I promise you that if you carefully follow these steps, you will be successful at achieving your goals of having an unfulfilling, lonely, frustrating marriage.  And I should know!  I practiced many of these very skills for years and became quite proficient at some of them.  Yes- it is hard work, exhausting and a thankless job – but you will see results if you just keep at it and persevere unwaveringly!

  1. Take charge of the marriage and family as much as possible. Boss your husband around and be sure to tell him how to do everything the right way – YOURS! Be as tyrannical as you possibly can.
  2. Take on ALL the weight of the responsibility of the marriage and family until you stagger beneath the load and refuse any help your husband offers to you.
  3. Micromanage all of the decisions your husband must make and be sure to tell him your ideas are a lot better than his.
  4. Complain whenever he helps you with chores around the house or with the children and make sure he knows you don’t approve of his efforts at all.
  5. Take over the finances and tell him how much he can spend each month – make sure his budget is as bare-bones as possible.
  6. Question every cent your husband spends.
  7. Be insanely jealous of any time your husband spends with his friends, at work, with his children, or his parents.
  8. Spy on him constantly.  Go through his phone, emails, FB and mail multiple times per day.
  9. Be sure to accuse him of being unfaithful and untrustworthy if he looks at other women, works with women or speaks to any other woman ever.  About anything.
  10. Be grumpy, unhappy and negative about everything. NO smiling! Absolutely no gratitude!
  11. Keep yourself sleep deprived and do not do ANYTHING nice for yourself. You want to feel as deprived, exhausted and unkempt as possible to get the maximum effect on your marriage.
  12. Tell your husband his ideas are ridiculous and worthless. Make fun of him in front of other people to really stomp him into the ground.
  13. Wear old, sloppy clothes and don’t do your hair or makeup whenever possible.
  14. Set God in a little box and don’t give Him any power in your life. You be in charge of all of the situations and MAKE everything happen yourself!
  15. Do not trust your husband with anything – not even little things. Do everything yourself so that you know it is done right.
  16. Be unaffectionate, distant, moody and unpleasant.
  17. Scowl a lot. Frown constantly. Yell whenever someone doesn’t do what you want them to.
  18. Do not appreciate anything your husband does for you. Expect way more than is humanly possible so that you can be disappointed constantly.
  19. Don’t spend time with God. If you find you MUST spend time with him, do all your praying complaining about what a horrible husband you have and how awful God is for giving him to you and demanding that God change your husband.
  20. Don’t count your blessings.
  21. Look at the negative side of things in your marriage, and in your husband and rehearse those things over and over in your mind constantly. In fact, it’s even better if you can tell as many other people as possible about how awful your husband is, too.
  22. Undermine your husband’s discipline of the children and his authority in front of your children. Be sure to say that his ideas are dumb and you don’t care what he thinks.
  23. Criticize his family often.
  24. Insist on your own way no matter what!
  25. Never admit you are wrong or that you made a mistake.
  26. Be as prideful as possible. You deserve your rights after all! Your happiness at the moment is all that matters.
  27. Realize that your husband has no wisdom or valuable perspective to offer you.  Your feelings and perspective and wisdom are the only ones that count.
  28. Spend all the money exactly as you want to without any consideration of your husband’s feelings.
  29. Think of all the ways you can be disrespectful toward your husband and constantly surprise him with new ways to make him feel that you think he is inept, incompetent, and a disappointment to you.
  30. Be completely shut down to your husband’s ideas, plans, desires and sexual attention.
  31. Never compromise.
  32. Look at yourself as a victim with no power to change anything about yourself. Remind yourself often that if only your husband would change, your life would be wonderful.
  33. Don’t look at your own faults or repent of any of your own sins. Keep a ready list of all of your husband’s faults, and ignore your own.
  34. Refuse to follow your husband’s leadership. You’re smarter and know better than he does.
  35. Don’t think about commitment, sacrifice, or the covenant vows you made before God. Think of your marriage and husband and family as totally disposable.
  36. Put your children ahead of your husband. Make sure he knows they come first.
  37. Put your career ahead of your husband. Don’t be concerned with his priorities or feelings.
  38. Don’t ever listen to any of your husband’s suggestions or advice.
  39. Do not say “Thank you” to your man – ever.
  40. Always assume the worst about your husband.
  41. Decide that  your husband hates you and is out to get you and has evil motives towards you.
  42. Doubt your husband’s love all day every day.
  43. Always trust your feelings and emotions when they tell you that your husband doesn’t really love you. Your hormones are much more dependable than your husband.
  44. If your husband does try to lead in your marriage, make his life as difficult as possible. Argue, scream, cry, pitch a fit and insist on your own way.
  45. Withhold your body from your husband just to prove your point and to punish him.
  46. Think about every possible thing that could go wrong today and in the future and focus on how awful each scenario could possibly be and how you could fix it (apart from your husband’s help and without God’s presence).
  47. Compare your husband’s weaknesses to the strengths of other men and imagine how much better it would be to be married to someone else.
  48. Make friends with other men and confide all your marriage problems to them.
  49. Flirt with other men often.
  50. Commit yourself to nursing grudges and resenting everything your husband has done to hurt you.
  51. Refuse to forgive him. This will greatly speed up the destruction of your marriage.
  52. Tell your husband he doesn’t make enough money for you to be happy. Complain that he is a terrible provider.
  53. If you make more money than he does, throw that in his face a few times a week.
  54. Know deep in your heart that you are such a better person than your husband is.
  55. Be hateful to your husband and then complain bitterly that he never spends any time with you.
  56. Be sure to have lots of girl friends who will also be willing to be very disrespectful of their husbands and who will encourage you to do the same.
  57. Send him hateful text messages and emails.
  58. Harass him at work and create a lot of drama for him.
  59. Be incredibly demanding and insist that he do what you want IMMEDIATELY whether it is humanly possible for him to do so or not.
  60. Berate him like he is a naughty little boy and you are his very angry mother.
  61. Accuse him of being unfaithful to you frequently, even if there is no evidence against him.
  62. Hold back nothing negative from your children about your husband.  Drag them into your marriage and try to get them to hate him as much as you do.
  63. Tell him how much closer to God you are than he is and how spiritually immature he is.  Look down your nose at him and use a holier-than-thou attitude frequently.
  64. Be very impatient with him all the time.
  65. Keep score how much you sacrifice for him and how little he does for you.  Make sure to count your efforts with more points than you count his.
  66. Compete with your husband for who has the worse life and the worst end of the deal in your marriage.
  67. Spend money as selfishly, lavishly and irresponsibly as you can.  You deserve to have really nice things.
  68. Tell your husband how to do everything he needs to do – the more detail the better.
  69. Gripe about little things every day.  Complain about clothes on the floor and what a burden it is for you to have to clean up after your man.
  70. Be as needy as possible.  Expect your husband to be Jesus to you.  Make him completely responsible for your happiness.
  71. Expect your husband to spend 5 hours of quality time with you per day.  Begrudge him any time with his friends or doing hobbies or being away from you.
  72. Expect to be the center of the universe, or at least the family and the marriage.
  73. Tell your husband to do something urgently and then do it yourself before he can get to it.

I know this all sounds like a LOT of hard work! It definitely will wear you out and leave you exhausted, depleted and resentful.  You actually don’t have to do ALL of these things to completely ruin your marriage. But the more of these kinds of things you can do – the faster your marriage will weaken and suffer.  This is the quick road to certain misery.


Help us to be godly, thankful, accepting, humble, gentle, forgiving women who are devoted to You and to our husbands. Let us do good for our husbands and bless them daily by our presence, our words, our attitudes, our kindness and our influence.


24 thoughts on “How to be a Lonely, Frustrated, Angry, Overwhelmed, Worried Wife

    1. From the Pews,

      You’re welcome! Those destructive things actually take a lot more energy, time and effort than the godly things do. Being a godly wife – you get to have God’s Spirit empower you to do things God’s way – but the ungodly stuff, you have to do all of that yourself! Thanks for the comment!

  1. Reblogged this on Let's stay together and commented:
    I’m glad to see that I can’t relate to most of these items on the list. I’m embarrassed to say that I relate to a couple (3) on that list. I’m not the worst case senecio in either case but the fact that I can relate on any level makes me a bit uncomfortable. I truly want to be a Good Wife and I’m always working to improve myself and thus improve my marriage. In this list I see characteristics of wives of failed marriages I’ve witnessed myself. I wanted to share this with others who also want to be a Good Wife.

    1. A Good Wife,

      I’m sad to say that I did a lot of these things – thankfully not all of them! But even a few is enough to cause major problems. Thanks for your comment and for sharing. May God richly bless your walk with Him and your marriage for His glory!

  2. This is such a good list! Thank you. My hubby has PTSD so normal stressful life (he works & goes to school & I homeschool our son) can really bring some explosive moments. But my hubby is a sweety when we’re visiting family. He cooks me breakfast and helps my family out. I praise him a lot. It’s so easy to be respectful in those times but when we’re home the switch flips and we stay in perpetual repentance. We are constantly apologizing to each other and our son. That makes me sad.

    I worry that God will never hear my prayers because I constantly goof up. I honestly try to be respectful and I know my hubby wants to be loving. It’s just the whole war thing (PTSD) and both of us having physical issues. We’re both in pain a lot and we are so stressed. I just pray that God’s grace brings about miracles despite my respect issues. The Lord knows I really am trying. I wish there was a way I could take a load off of my hubby at home. I homeschool which keeps me busy and then I keep our son busy at night too so my hubby can do school on the computer. I’m praying this is just a season.

    I admire you for being so steady with your respect. We are on a roller coaster but thankfully the highs and lows aren’t too big. Honestly, on the holidays we are like Newly weds. I pray the “holiday” attitudes will stick with us in the New Year….even when finances, illness, & busyness hit us like a ton of bricks. I know Christ keeps our heads above water. Marriage really is a battle…….not against each other but against Satan & all the things in the world that want to tear people apart. You’re blog helps in the fight!

    Thanks and God bless,

    Amber Dover

    1. Amberdover,
      PTSD makes things MUCH more complicated!
      So does being exhausted and having medical conditions and homeschooling!
      This is going to require you both giving each other a lot of grace. And, in my opinion, it may be wise to see what you could take off your plate to minimize the stress level and maximize rest and time to relax and be with each other and with God.

      A humble attitude is always honored by God!
      Thankfully, He is able to forgive A LOT!

      Much love to you, my precious sister!

    2. PS
      The times I was MOST disrespectful were when my husband was remodelling our house 6 days per week until midnight or 1am for months or even over a year one time. And the time he was remodeling the new house we bought and I was nursing a baby every 2-3 hours through the night for a year and a half (she was constantly sick) – that was the MOST difficult time. Being sick, exhausted, stressed and having WAY too much to do is a recipe for disaster!

  3. Wow. Unfortunately it can become easy to do many on this list without any effort. Thank God we have God so we can fall on our knees (or face), repent and try again. “Day after day new mercies……”

  4. Hi,

    Wat a powerful post! I’m doing some of them and I have some them in my to do list… I’m just so scared my marriage is at the verge of breaking.. 🙁

    My husband is absolutely busy with work and church he’s a passionate choir conductor and a musician. And Im a working mom, added to this we have other issues with my in laws (in a country like India its a little more complicated) which makes me run away from the marriage…

    Im praying but not consistently, I’m trying to do a lot to chnage myself but I often fail and Im really scared if my hormones will overtake me or I will be able to change myself!

    Great post… I still haven’t gone through your entire blog, I’m hoping to see solutions of how you overcame


    1. Vinodhini,
      It is wonderful to meet you!

      I have a lot of friends from India, I definitely understand that family pressures are intense at times there.

      I am glad to talk with you more and walk with you on this road to become a godly wife. 🙂
      Much love!

          1. Hi April, I’ve mailed you with the header “Vinodhini’s story”… Its going to be too long apologies!! Still I feel there is so much I’ve missed… I’m waiting to hear back from me. Suggestions as to what I can do to find peace, to bring back life to my marriage!

  5. I found your post after having a conflict with my husband, it has become a regular problem in our very stressful life. (two very busy demanding jobs and 2 children under 5 years old). I know I am mostly to blame and want to change but I just don’t know where to begin. God is the center of my life but fellowship with others and direction to what is right are very limited in my small community. Thank you, these points give a starting place.

    1. Erica,

      It is wonderful to meet you! It sounds like things are very stressful at your house. I am sure that there are areas where you can both improve. But it is so empowering to focus on what God may want you to change yourself because that is what you control. 🙂

      I invite you to search my home page for:

      – control
      – husband idol
      – what is respect in marriage
      – disrespectful to husbands
      – bitterness
      – fear
      – discontentment
      – insecurity
      – contentment
      – security
      – lordship of Christ

      I’m here if you want to talk some more. 🙂

      Much love to you! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you!

  6. Thank you Peacful. It is so nice to have encouraging words from other Christian women. Your love feels very genuine. I am happy to find a place to start. I may take your offer to talk more, or talk with any other Christian wives who can give me direction. I know the Bible and God is where I need to turn, but I feel I have failed at listening. I feel so blessed to finally have the feeling of not being alone in my struggles. Reading the story about you and your husband in the beginning of you blog was so close to my own truth. (my husband even agreed after hearing). I want to begin making God’s changes in me.

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