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What Does Jesus Want Me to Do in My Marriage?

marriage blah

Marriage is HARD.

Really – I would even say it is impossible – in human strength and effort alone.

Men and women are SO different.  We think and feel entirely differently.  We have different priorities and needs many times.  We approach things from completely opposite perspectives.  We have very different strengths and weaknesses.  Marriage is practically a recipe for torture – apart from Christ.

That is the key.  If we look to our husbands or to ourselves – we will destroy our marriage.  I must keep my eyes on Christ!  He is the only source of power that will enable our marriage to be what He designed it to be.  I must daily live for Him and abide in Him!


God designed people.  And God designed marriage.  He designed marriage for several purposes:

  • to be a living parable of the intimate spiritual relationship and the oneness of Christ and His church
  • to provide a stable, loving, nurturing, secure, safe, healthy place for children to be born and raised to know God and love Him and to learn how to love others and be prepared to be responsible, faithful, fruitful servants of Christ.
  • to form us more and more into the image of Christ – to make us holy (NOT primarily to make us happy!)
  • to teach children how to have a healthy, vibrant and flourishing marriage and how to be godly parents themselves
  • to provide a solid foundation and building block for healthy, secure, productive and godly societies.
  • to provide companionship and unity in the most intimate human relationship.
  • to provide a safe, loving, perfect place for sex and procreation
  • as a classroom to learn to love and forgive
  • because it is not good for man to  be alone – God designed a helpmeet suitable for him

This list is not exhaustive – but it provides a good glimpse into some of the biggest reasons why God chose to design and institute marriage.


The problem with two sinners being married is – they WILL sin against each other and they WILL hurt each other.  There is no perfect marriage partner (except Jesus).  So it is our job to learn to be great forgivers and to tap into God’s power to be able to do this.  When I am putting Christ first and setting my heart on Him, His will, His Word and His glory, He will empower me to deal with anything my husband might do – and I can trust that He will use even my husband’s sin and mistakes ultimately for my good and His glory.

What would Jesus tell me to do when my husband is unkind, verbally abusive, arrogant, demeaning, mean, belittling, disrespectful, unloving, selfish, hateful, prideful, refusing to be intimate with me, trying to force me to be intimate with him, flirting with other women, lying, being irresponsible with money, not taking the best care of our children (in my view), not praying with me, not abiding in Christ, not reading his Bible, being materialistic, putting other things ahead of Christ or ahead of our marriage that are inappropriate…?


(I am going to alter the words a bit to fit to our marriages)

Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.

Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.

Blessed are you when your husband/extended family members/coworkers/neighbors/others hate you, when they exclude you and insult  you and reject your name as evil because of the Son of Man.

Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven.  For that is how (people) treated the prophets.

But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.

Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry.

Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep.

Woe to you when (everyone in your life) speaks well of you, for that is how (people) treated the false prophets.  (People pleasing does not please God!)

But I tell you who hear Me:

  • Love your husband when he acts like he is your enemy
  • do good to him if he hates you
  • bless him if he curses you
  • pray for him when he mistreats you.  
  • If your husband strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.  (I would add, get some godly, wise, experienced help ASAP!)
  • If he takes your (coat), do not stop him from taking your (shirt/dress).  
  • Give to him when he asks you
  • if your husband takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.
  • Do to your husband as you would have him do to you (meet his needs and be a godly wife, just like you want him to meet your needs and be a godly husband)
  • if you love him only when he loves you, what credit is that to you? Even (unbelievers) love those who love them. 
  • If you do good to him only when he is good to you, what credit is that to you?  Even (unbelievers) do that.
  • If you lend to him (give something to him or do something for him) and expect repayment, what credit is that to you?  Even (unbelievers) lend to (unbelievers), expecting to be repaid in full.
  • love your husband when it feels like he is your enemy, do good to him, and lend to him (do kind, respectful things for him) without expecting to get anything back.  Then your reward will be great, and you will be (daughters) of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. 
  • Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
  • Do not judge your husband, and you will not be judged.  
  • Do not condemn your husband, and you will not be condemned.
  • Forgive your husband, and you will be forgiven.
  • Give to your husband, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Can a blind wife lead a blind husband?  Will they not both fall into a pit?  A student is not above his Teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his Teacher.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your husband’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you tell your husband, “Husband, let me take the speck out of your eye,” when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your husband’s eye.

No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.  Each tree is recognized by its own fruit… The good wife brings good things out of the good stored up in her heart (her husband doesn’t MAKE her act good, the Spirit of God inside of her causes her to act good!), and the evil wife brings evil things out of the evil stored up in her heart (her husband doesn’t MAKE her act bad, her own sin and fleshly nature cause her to react in sin).  For out of the overflow of her heart, her mouth speaks.

Why do you call me, “Lord, Lord,” and do not do what I say to do for your husband?

I will show you what she is like who who comes to Me and hears My words and puts them into practice.  She is like a man building a house (a life, a marriage, a family), who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock  When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, for it was well  built.

But the wife who hears My words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house (a life, a marriage, a family) on the ground without a foundation.  The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete


Give us ears to hear and hearts that are willing to obey.  Tear down any strongholds of the enemy in our souls.  Give us Your power to humble ourselves and submit to You and honor You in our marriages!

In the Name and power of Christ,



Ephesians 5 – God’s design for marriage

I Corinthians 11:2-13  –  God’s authority structure for marriage

I Corinthians 13:4-7  – God’s definition of love in marriage

Galatians 5:19-22 – a comparison of a life powered by self vs. a life powered by God’s Spirit

I John

10 thoughts on “What Does Jesus Want Me to Do in My Marriage?

  1. Thank you! I needed to hear this today (and eveyday.) When I am angry at my husband for something he has done, said, or not done or said, I justify my anger. But
    God’s word does not return void. I thank him today for the conviction his word brings to this sinning heart. So today I can start new and focus on Him and the plank in my own eye.

    1. Kelly,

      I can relate!!!!! The first 15 years of my marriage, I justified my anger, my extreme pride, my unforgiveness, my resentment, my disrespect and my attempts to control. When I finally saw my own sin – I had a FOREST in my eye, not just a plank. It was awful! But God helped me see it then and helped me shovel it all out and confess it all. It took MANY weeks just to get to the bottom of all my pride. YUCK! But what freedom and joy and peace there is in following Jesus now. I NEVER, EVER want to go back to my old nasty ways. Praying for God to empower you to know Him more and more and to conform you to the image of Christ as well as for healing in your marriage. Thanks for the comment!

      1. How did you “shovel out” your sin? What did this look like in your quiet time? How do you get to the deep parts? What do you say to Jesus? Do you pray and repent or is there more to this? Do you look up scriptures?
        Thank you

        1. PLM,

          I asked God to show me all of my sin. He did. He kept showing me more and more layers. I would repent of all the pride I could see each day. God revealed more and more pride, self-righteousness and idolatry to me daily for about 6 weeks at first. Then there were more and more layers He revealed to me over time. He would show me the sin, I would humble myself, confess that I had sinned, agree I had wronged Him snd violated His holy standards, turn from my sin and to God. I asked God to keep getting rid of every trace of sin and to let His Spirit fill me. It was about 6 weeks into all of that when I realized that I wasn’t anxious or worried or afraid. I actually had real peace in my heart, I had never experienced that before! I love God’s peace. I never want to be without His Spirit and power again!

          1. So the things that pop in my head from my past could be God showing me my sin? Things I’ve done that we’re not godly?
            The difficult part is the enemy can get you in this area too, right? He can bring sin to our minds too, correct? I’ve had many things pop in my head that I repented (or thought I repented).
            How do you know? Or just repent it all?

            1. PLM,

              Well, if you know you have repented of it, you just remind yourself out loud that Jesus’ blood covers all of Tahoe sins. If you haven’t repented, then you can repent at that time. Jesus’ blood is completely sufficient to cover every sin. Praise God!!!! Then ask a god to empower you to live in the power of His spirit and to walk in obedience and to show you any sin you need to repent of. 🙂

  2. Thank you for this message. I’m so anfry right now and decided to look up some bibles versus pertaining to marriages. I too have the amazon in my eyes and find it so difficult to see beyond it all. I’m a new christian and find it so hard to trust in the Lord, I’m ashame to say it but it’s true. My family advices me to dig deep into the Word and I will find all my answers. I really need to just trust in Him.

    It’s good to know that just a few keywords can help you find som comfort. Thank you once again for taking the time to share yoiur experience but most of all, the Truth.

    God bless you and a Merry Christmas to you and yours.


    1. PS,
      Two weeks ago or so, I had a number of posts about bitterness. And you can also search my blog for topics like “forgiveness.” But one of the easiest ways to find posts that pertain to you is to look at the Blog Timeline at the top of my home page. You can scroll through all the titles by date.

      Two really important pages to look at are also at the top of my home page. One is 101 Ways to Show REspect to our Husbands. And one is Husbands Share what is Disrespectful to Them. It is a LONG and surprising list!

      Let me know if you have any concerns or questions or just want prayer.

  3. Erica,

    Oh, you just answered my question in my last comment! Ha!

    I am so excited to hear that you are ready to submit fully to Christ as Lord WOOHOO!!!!!!!!! When I see a woman who is willing to do this – I know that God is going to work powerfully in her and that it is going to be amazing.

    I also have a Youtube channel, “April Cassidy” with videos that may be helpful.

    How is your time with God going? Your Bible reading and prayer time?

    So glad I can walk with you on this journey!
    Much love to you!

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