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My Commenting Policy

updated March 2018

I’d like for us to have wholesome, God-honoring conversations in this place. This means, I want to encourage us all to seek to temper our words in light of scripture’s instructions for our speech as followers of Christ here just like we should in our “real-life” relationships.

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. James 1:26

The first law of love is that “Love does no harm to a neighbor.” Rom. 13:10

LET’S SEEK TO AVOID:

LET’S SEEK TO:

Thanks so much for reading and for helping create a healing, warm, friendly, loving, respectful, inviting place with me. <3

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Ps. 19:14

 

VERSES ABOUT HOW WE ARE TO SPEAK AS FOLLOWERS OF CHRIST

  • But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Col. 3:8
  • No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. Eph. 4:2
  • Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. Eph. 5:4
  • A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. Prov. 15:1-2
  • The tongue that heals is a tree of life, but a devious tongue breaks the spirit. Prov. 15:4
  • From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. James 3:10
  • Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Prov. 21:23
  • Avoid irreverent and empty speech, since those who engage in it will produce even more godlessness, 2 Tim. 2:16
  • I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matt. 12:36-37
  • Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. Titus 2:7-8
  • Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, Eph. 4:15
  • There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Prov. 12:18
  • Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. 1 Pet. 3:9-11
  • Do everything without grumbling and arguing, Phil. 2:14
  • Whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. Matt. 5:22
  • Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. Prov. 20:19
  • Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down. Prov. 26:20
  • Don’t criticize one another, brothers and sisters. Anyone who defames or judges a fellow believer[f] defames and judges the law. James 4:11
  • Brothers and sisters, do not complain about one another, so that you will not be judged. Look, the judge stands at the door! James 5:9
  • Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Outdo one another in showing honor. Rom. 12:10

 

 

6 thoughts to “My Commenting Policy”

  1. Dear April,

    I am writing to you after spending three delightful days with my grandson. The miracle in this is that I am a mother and grandmother at all.

    You see, I have struggled with depression off and on my whole life. I seriously contemplated ending my life around 32 years ago, and then again 9 years ago.

    Thirty-two years ago I felt so betrayed by a boyfriend, that I felt worthless and that life was too hard. With his unfaithfulness and my sensitive nature, I felt destroyed. He was my idol, my false god. I placed my own personal value upon how he treated me. He treat me like trash, and I absorbed that identity.

    What saved me from taking a bottle of Tylenol? Three things: 1. Personal guilt I would feel toward my parents and siblings. 2. I knew this was against my church teaching. 3. I believed God did not like suicide.

    Even though I felt no personal desire to live, I reasoned that if God wouldn’t give a free pass for people to just “quit” life when they wanted, then He must have another way out of the mess. In my core, I believed in a good God…Life could be cruel, but surely not the Creator of life?

    I remember feeling numb and just praying, “Help me, God.” I went through the motions of living. I held on. I met my future husband one year later. We will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary this year.

    So why in 2009, while on an island vacation with our four children did I feel suicidal again?

    This time I felt un-needed, un-appreciated, and un-important. My husband was extremely successful, admired, and appreciated at work. I stayed home with our children, working very hard to cook, clean, drive, keep up with laundry and dishes, help with homework, etc., and earned no money. I wanted to homeschool, but my husband wouldn’t let me. I watched our children’s spiritual lives drying up. I was frequently undermined in front of our children by my perfectionist in husband. I was rarely correct and the children saw that.

    Needless to say, I became depressed. I remember crying a lot behind my sunglasses on that vacation in 2009, sitting in a bathroom stall trying to decide if I should overdose in that bathroom or go somewhere else. I spent many hours by myself. My husband and the children were having a great time in all the pools, in the ocean, and at the bar…no one knew what I was going through. They still don’t know and would be shocked to read this. My husband still refers to that vacation as a favorite family trip.

    Again, making an idol had brought me to the point of ending my life. What was my idol? My feeling of being a relevant member of my family. This time I didn’t feel like trash. I just felt irrelevant. They could find anyone to cook, clean, etc.

    So, what stopped me this time? Two things: 1. They would have to ship my body back to the U.S., and what a pain that would be…and it would be embarrassing to them. 2. I still thought God would highly disapprove. I would have to face Him, with my final act one of disobeying His will.

    My whole life I’ve based my decisions on other people’s opinions; I have idolized their opinions, or what I have perceived their opinions to be. And my feelings have ruled my reason.

    It is amazing to me that in my depression, I could only hear the voice of death. No other ideas or solutions for making my life better came to mind. I was in a dark cloud.

    In 2010 I went back to work and loved my job. In 2012 I wanted out of the marriage. In 2013 my husband’s job changed where he had to travel a lot. He asked me to quit work. I cried. But I quit for our children. I had time to google things I wondered about like “how to be a peaceful wife.” Literally I googled that. I just wanted to be peaceful – forget happy.

    Well, I gobbled up your blog, April. And for Lent in 2014, I did Nina Roesner’s Respect Dare. My husband started to treat me kindly, as I started to respect the memory of all those good qualities he had when we got married and all his good qualities he still had but I had ignored becosse of my hurt feelings. I’m not perfect and neither is he.

    People and their opinions are horrible idols. Feelings are deceptive. Idolatry crucifies the worshipper. Jesus was crucified so I could live. He is God. He is trustworthy. Bountiful. Courageous. My faithful Godhero.

    Shockingly, to me, each family member has come to me for advice on different things within the past two years. Sometimes they follow what I say and sometimes they just listen. It’s free will at this point. I ask God to help me help Him with His kingdom. I hope I have helped my Beloved King in some ways. I pray His forgiveness for my failures and near disasters.

    Why did I want to share this? Mental illness and depression are very real. Putting other gods before the One true God twice nearly ended my life. These are my darkest secrets. Could anyone be helped by my story?

    1. Renee,

      It is so wonderful to meet you! Thank you very much for sharing your story. What an inspiration to read how the Lord has healed you. Praise God! You were spiritually oppressed and hopeless, listening to the lies of the enemy, something we are all prone to do. But God has saved you with His love. That is awesome!

      If you would like for me to share your story, I would be glad to share it anonymously. It would be an honor.

      Much love to you!

      1. Yes, God has saved me and continues each day. His mercies are new every morning!

        I will leave it up to you if you feel led to share the story anonymously. I don’t know if I told it well enough or gave God enough glory…or shared the right info to really help anyone.

        Honestly, I was working in my garden a few weeks ago and had the sensation that I need to be honest and tell the story of my depression. Then, when I read about Kate Spade, 55 year-old who hung herself (I am 53.), and the rumors about her separation from her husband and the note she left for her daughter, etc., I thought, “She had made an idol of her marriage,” like I had done. It broke my heart to think of her family and the despair she succumbed to…the lies she must have heard in her mind.

        Suicide rates are up. How can I help stop the madness? Please pray God shows me and gives me a helpful voice. I have been silent and cowardly for so long I need real help from the Holy Spirit.

        Thanks for listening and I am so excited for the joy you will one day have when God shows you ALL the souls and marriages you have saved from your ministry!!!!

        1. Renee,

          I love your story! If there is anything you want to change or add, you are welcome to do so. I hope to share it later this month. I am ecstatic about what God has done for you and for all He is going to do through you by His power for His glory to bless so many other women (and men).

          I can’t wait to see all that God has done, is doing, and will do in people’s lives. That is one of the things I look forward to seeing the most in heaven!

          Much love!
          April

          1. (Hi, April – here it is edited a little. I can’t believe I typed that whole thing on my phone – I felt so passionately that I needed to get it on paper.) Love and prayers for you, (Anonymous for the print) Renee

            Dear April,

            I am writing to you after spending three delightful days with my grandson. The miracle in this is that I am a mother and grandmother at all.

            You see, I have struggled with depression off and on my whole life. I seriously contemplated ending my life around 32 years ago, and then again 9 years ago.
            Thirty-two years ago I felt so betrayed by a boyfriend, that I felt worthless and that life was too hard. With his unfaithfulness and my sensitive nature, I felt destroyed. He was my idol, my false god. I placed my own personal value upon how he treated me. He treat me like trash, and I absorbed that identity.

            What saved me from taking a bottle of Tylenol? Three things: 1. Personal guilt I would feel toward my parents and siblings. 2. I knew this was against my church teaching. 3. I believed God did not like suicide.

            Even though I felt no personal desire to live, I reasoned that if God wouldn’t give a free pass for people to just “quit” life when they wanted, then He must have another way out of the mess. In my core, I believed in a good God…Life could be cruel, but surely not the Creator of life?

            I remember feeling numb and just praying, “Help me, God.” I went through the motions of living. I held on. I met my future husband one year later. We will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary this year.

            So why in 2009, while on an island vacation with our four children did I feel suicidal again?

            This time I felt un-needed, un-appreciated, and un-important. My husband was extremely successful, admired, and appreciated at work. I stayed home with our children, working very hard to cook, clean, drive, keep up with laundry and dishes, help with homework, etc., and earned no money. I wanted to home school, but my husband wouldn’t let me. I watched our children’s spiritual lives drying up. I was frequently undermined in front of our children by my husband. I was rarely correct and the children saw that.

            Needless to say, I became depressed. I remember crying a lot behind my sunglasses on that vacation in 2009, sitting in a bathroom stall trying to decide if I should overdose in that bathroom or go somewhere else. I spent many hours by myself. My husband and the children were having a great time in all the pools, in the ocean, and at the bar…no one knew what I was going through. They still don’t know and would be shocked to read this. My husband still refers to that vacation as a favorite family trip.

            Again, making an idol had brought me to the point of ending my life. What was my idol? My feeling of being a relevant member of my family. This time I didn’t feel like trash. I just felt irrelevant. They could find anyone to cook, clean, etc.

            So, what stopped me this time? Two things: 1. They would have to ship my body back to the U.S., and what a pain that would be…and it would be embarrassing to them. 2. I still thought God would highly disapprove. I would have to face Him, with my final act being one of disobedience.

            My whole life I’ve based my decisions on other people’s opinions; I have idolized their opinions, or what I have perceived their opinions to be. And my feelings have ruled my reason.

            It is amazing to me that in my depression, I could only hear the voice of death. No other ideas or solutions for making my life better came to mind. I was in a dark cloud.
            In 2010 I went back to work and loved my job. In 2012 I wanted out of the marriage. In 2013 my husband’s job changed where he had to travel a lot. He asked me to quit work. I cried. But I quit for our children. I had time to google things I wondered about like “how to be a peaceful wife.” Literally I googled that. I just wanted to be peaceful – forget happy.

            Well, I gobbled up your blog, April. And for Lent in 2014, I did Nina Roesner’s Respect Dare. I begged God for help. My husband started to treat me kindly, as I started to respect the memory of all those good qualities he had when we got married and all his good qualities he still had but I had ignored because of my hurt feelings. I’m not perfect and neither is he.

            People and their opinions are horrible idols. Feelings are deceptive. Idolatry crucifies the worshipper. Jesus was crucified so I could live. He is God. He is trustworthy. Bountiful. Courageous. My faithful Godhero.

            Shockingly, to me, each family member has come to me for advice on different things within the past two years. Sometimes they follow what I say and sometimes they just listen. It’s free will at this point. I ask God to help me help Him with His kingdom. I hope I have helped my Beloved King in some ways. I pray His forgiveness for my failures and near disasters.

            Why did I want to share this? Mental illness and depression are very real. Putting other gods before the One true God twice nearly ended my life. These are my darkest secrets. Could anyone be helped by my story?

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