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"If I Trust and Obey God, I Will Be Fake and Lose Myself" – a Guest Post

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A wife asked, “Why does God always want to change people? That’s not real unconditional love. I don’t want to lose myself and I feel like I would lose myself if I do what God wants me to do.”

FROM ANOTHER WIFE AND SISTER IN CHRIST (with her permission):

You will be more *you* than you ever have been, when you give yourself fully to God and allow Him control of your life. I know it doesn’t seem like that, but it’s true.

The fact is, the old you is gone if you have truly put your trust only and totally in Christ for your salvation. If that is true, then your sinful self (your flesh) has been crucified, is dead and buried and you have been raised to new life in Christ. What God asks of us, then, is to live from the truth of this reality (Christ in you, with the personality, gifts, talents, etc. that He has given you). Until you begin to believe what He has said about you (you are loved completely and totally and are safe in and with Him, you are righteous in Christ, you are secure in Christ, etc., etc.) you will not have joy and peace because there is no joy and peace apart from Christ. You have to embrace all that Christ is in and for you for you to experience the freedom that Christ has already purchased for you.

I promise you, there is nothing to fear with this beautiful God who loves you.

Yes, you will experience trials and yes, there will be suffering. He does not lie to us about that (isn’t that great? You can totally trust Him because He doesn’t sugar-coat things!). But, the reality is we are going to face lots of trials in this life – either way. Not putting yourself in God’s hands doesn’t remove you from the trials and sufferings of this life. It just removes you from the blessing of resting in Him – in His love and sovereignty… and unfortunately, it sets us up for even further suffering because we determine to do it our way and hold on to control – and have to experience the painful consequences of our own way of doing things. God is too good and loves you too much to let you stay there.

Oh, and let me just bluntly call it like it is… Satan is flat-out lying to you.

Sometimes, it helps just to bring that out right into the light. He is trying to convince you that if you trust God totally, then God will require and demand of you more than you can give, or that God will test you with untold horrors. (I understand because I have bought into the same lies at times and still hear the whispers of them at times).

If you are truly one of His, He absolutely will bring you to a place of surrender. If I were you, I’d just trust that simple fact right now. Don’t try to force it, don’t feel condemned for not being able to “be where you should be” right now. Just simply tell him, “Lord, I want this in my life but I cannot do it. I can’t even surrender to You totally. But You have promised You will complete the good work You began in me and I trust You for that.”

And guess what? With a prayer like that, you have surrendered. Surrender is just handing it over to God….He will do the rest. All He asks is that you are willing.

And sometimes, I have to pray prayers like “God, I am willing to be made willing.” That’s all I have to offer Him and it’s enough. He delights in our admitting that what we have to offer in and of ourselves is inadequate. He is the Source of it all.

I’m excited for you because He’s already begun the work!!!

Praying for you today. So many of us have been there and yes, it feels crazy scary. But, God has you. Just relax and rest in Him. He is so good. Believe it.

Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

RELATED:

If I Become a Godly Wife, Will I Lose My Voice, My Power, or My Identity?

Does God Want Me to Be Fake or Lose Myself?

I Will Not Be a Second Class Citizen! – the RestoredWife

I Kind of Hated Some of  What You Had to Say! – guest post about how a wife felt when she first read my blog

What Does It Mean to Be an Ungodly Woman?

Godly Femininity Part 1

Godly Femininity Part 2

 

32 thoughts on “"If I Trust and Obey God, I Will Be Fake and Lose Myself" – a Guest Post

  1. Human beings are always looking for something unchanging to cling to for the sake of security. Being secure “feels good.” The only unchangeable constant is God. Our desire is naturally thus for God, but getting there is largely beyond our innate abilities. I think too often we idolize ourselves and think “I’m such a wonderful person” but there is always someone who can outdo us. Remember, pride never feels wrong and often times it gives us a sense of justification but our egos are as empty as the vacuum of space.

    1. Great comment.. GLORY TO GOD!

      And Great post from our sister in the LORD.. i needed to read this… thank YOU LORD four YOUR FAITHFULNESS.

    2. Thank you for this, Joseph Riani. 🙂 We do tend to look to anything and anyone other than God for our sense of security, purpose, worth, joy, hope, and peace. All of those other things will disappoint. So true about pride not feeling wrong – that is the scary thing about pride. We don’t always even see we have it – and it destroys us.

  2. Thanks for another great post! I am following your posts so closely and it has helped me immensely over the last couple of weeks. I am so grateful to God for pointing me here. I have to say this post really struck me as it was a struggle I have faced for a long time. I have not been comfortable in where I was in my own faith and really I guess it was the Holy Spirit trying to tell me that I was doing this all wrong. I too, was so bogged down with the feelings that I could not bring myself to surrender the things I cherished most to God, the things now that I know I was making into idols in my life.

    God has finally brought me to that place of surrender that I needed to be, that I believe there is no way I could come to be on my own. For years I have struggled, not being able to fully put my trust in Him (of course because I couldn’t let go of what I “thought” I was controlling!)

    When God spoke to my heart just in the last couple of weeks and opened my eyes, I did become a new person, one that is no longer blind and one that is willing to give my all to grow in Christ and give Him the control like only He can have. Instantly from that moment of realization I felt different. It’s like I can look at myself in the third person, and see all of the ugly truth. It’s a feeling that I longed to have for so many years and just could not figure out why I could not get it. Now I realize with open eyes and ears that it is because only God can bring you to that place on His time, you will never reach it on your own. I never thought that just by letting the “old me” go, my life could change so significantly.

    I already feel so much more peace in the last week. More than I have ever had in my life. I am trusting Jesus now with my life, and my marriage, and my family, and I have let go. I have so far to go and I know all of us on this journey will always be moving, we will never “get” there is this world. But I am willing to keep going. I know there will be tough times ahead and that’s OK, this time God is in control and I know He is on my side.

    I have to say I have been making so many changes in the last week and I can hardly believe how much things have progressed already. More than I ever thought imaginable. Already there is more peace between my husband and I. We are talking so much more openly than we have in years. I am no longer inhibited to hide my weaknesses. I am comfortable to admit my failures to him and I no longer feel that same fear, because I am no longer in control. Already, we have had so many discussions that have drawn us closer together. He has admitted some of his struggles and mistakes too, this has not been just one-sided, it’s just amazing. But if it becomes one-sided that is ok too. I have to remain prepared for that. I am in this first and foremost for God. My husband is already telling me how he can see how I am changing. I have not given him all the details only that I have been coming clean with years of guilt of disrespect and controlling to the point of out of control. It’s amazing how finally REALLY understanding what I have read in God’s word SO many times has changed our lives for the better. This weekend we had the most amazing day together doing practically nothing. Relaxing with coffee, a long walk where we talked about so many things, I felt for the first time in months that my husband wanted to be with me. I feel so much more secure in the last few days or so since I made the commitment to be a godly wife, than I have I think in any of my marriage. Yet it was the threat of losing what was most precious to me, my marriage and the happiness of my family, that brought me to this place. God is amazing. This can ONLY have come from him.

    Ladies, please pray for me on this journey, and I will keep you in my prayers as well. It is a blessing to have this place to come to where people understand and are not sitting back and letting the worldy influences consume and destroy what is so dear to them. And it encourages me to keep my eyes on God. Now I rely on Him for fulfillment.

    1. Melanie,
      WOW! Praise God! I am so glad you have experienced the Joy of Absolute Surrender to Christ!!!! It is truly amazing! I love what you said:

      “I too, was so bogged down with the feelings that I could not bring myself to surrender the things I cherished most to God, the things now that I know I was making into idols in my life.”

      I have to admit that this part of it seems like a never ending thing so far in my journey, and really I’ve only just begun too. Right when I think I’m all for the Lord, something happens, and God reveals more and more things that I’ve been blindly idolizing.

      I was stuck in the place of not wanting to surrender what I was cherishing most, and it weighed me down like you said. It is a spiritual battle.

      But thankfully, God has not left me to myself, and He has revealed my sin and has led me right back under His wing! Hallelujah!!!

      I will pray that you continue to seek the Lord and to cling only to Him as you trust in Him and look to Him for all things!!!!

      Love,
      Amanda

    2. Melanie,

      I’m so thrilled to hear about what God has been doing in you recently! WOOHOO! How I love the beautiful faith and singleminded devotion He is forming in you and your heart for Him and for your husband.

      YES! Sometimes it is in facing our greatest fears that we realize we must turn to Jesus and that when we release everything to Him – that is the only way to bring healing. LOVE it!

      Praying for God to continue to do His amazing, powerful, miraculous work in your heart and in your marriage for His glory, my precious sister!

  3. You said in that comment that there is no joy or peace apart from Christ. I’ve been a Christian almost all my life and I so rarely feel joy. I feel down most of the time. I had a friend once who could show joy through her trials but I’ve never figured out how to do that.

    1. Melissa,

      If you are ready to experience Jesus and the joy of His presence, I can show you the way and I can walk beside you and cheer you on.

      Would you allow me to do a spiritual check up with you, my precious sister?

      Much love to you!

  4. “If I Trust and Obey God, I Will Be Fake and Lose Myself,” Oh yes, I empathize there! That is a pretty common fear, but it is a deception. Christ doesn’t erase who we are, He makes us better versions of ourselves.

    I think women worry a lot about being fake and we live in a culture that often speaks of authenticity, as if that is the most important thing ever. I think the culture is wrong, I think it is okay to “fake it,” especially when it comes to things like good manners or having a positive attitude. “Faking it” often refers to our feelings, if we’re “faking it,” it means we aren’t feeling it. That’s not a bad thing, that just means we’re making an effort that runs contrary to how we feel. With God that is totally okay, He already knows when our feelings may not match our actions. There are some days when I go through the motions, when I express gratitude I may not be truly feeling, but the feelings always come after the fact. Sometimes just breaking out into some praise changes how we feel, and what may have begun as “not authentic,” soon becomes real, the feelings fall into line, and who we really are becomes apparent.

    1. insanitybytes22,

      I think, too, that we often don’t understand at first what it means to be “ourselves.” We tend to mean that we want the freedom to be our sinful selves. But our sinful selves are dead in Christ! We no longer have the freedom to be that old dead self. Now, we have the freedom to be our new selves in Christ! If we are not filled with the Holy Spirit, it will seem fake to try to act like we are. And we don’t have the power to really be that way. But as we allow God to have more and more control, and we repent of all sin and yield to Him, He makes a real heart transformation – gives us a new Spirit, a new mind, new priorities, new desires that match His own.

      It does feel very foreign and scary at first, to trash our old ways of thinking, feeling, speaking, and acting. But yes, feelings come after obedience. Feelings are not the most important thing. They are an indicator light sometimes when something is wrong. But they are not the source of absolute truth and they should not be the basis of our decisions.

      Thank you so much for sharing!

      Much love!
      April

      Ladies,
      If you are interested in posts about feelings, you are welcome to search “feelings” or “emotions” on my home page search bar for more about this.

    2. Insanitybytes22,

      When I read your comment, I was wondering if maybe what you are saying could be translated as “walking by faith”? I could be wrong, but what it sounds like you are suggesting is what one is actually doing when they are, in fact, “walking by faith.” I have had to say and do things many times in obedience to God that I did not yet understand or perhaps even believe yet necessarily. But I did so by faith out of obedience. In time this DID lead to having a conviction about it and believing it for myself internally as God made the inner changes. During those times, I did sometimes feel like I was “faking it” but I understood that I was appropriating faith which God would ultimately honor and bless.

      Eliza

  5. April, I’d send you an email if I could, but I can’t. Something I want to know is how do you deal with all the false teachings, the outright hatred for women that gets taught by some in Christ’s name? I know you don’t condone abuse but others do, others completely pervert the whole idea of submission and make it into something ugly. I struggle with these false teaching all the time because women rightfully don’t even want to consider submission let alone faith itself, when they are both presented so poorly, so hatefully.

    Here is one such blogger (edited out by Peacefulwife), there are many, many others and the things they say are vile, they are graphically sexual and they show a great deal of contempt for women. There are women too, who believe themselves to be great mentors for women, but they are not at all, they are unkind and cruel.

    1. insanitybytes22,

      I don’t allow false teachers to have a platform on my blog. I encourage all women (and men) to test the spirits (as Scripture commands). Don’t accept teaching that is a wrongful handling of God’s Word. I address specific issues on my blog – whether God desires abuse, rage, violence, marital rape, etc… I talk about the things biblical submission is and is not. It is not slavery, it does not mean the husband is always right, it does not mean women can’t have and voice their opinions, it does not mean wives are to be passive doormats. I have posts about a husband’s and a wife’s authority , about that the husband is not the absolute authority, and about spiritual authority as a general concept in Scripture (and how it is to be approached with great humility and a servant’s heart, not lording it over anyone as the Gentiles do, according to Christ).

      My job is to seek to teach God’s Word rightly and to combat false teaching concepts here. I don’t attempt to go after false teachers on their sights. I don’t approve their comments or links on my site. I am familiar with the one you referenced. I don’t allow him to comment here. With women mentors – if they comment here and I see a lack of love or gentleness, I do seek to respectfully address that.

      This is a spiritual battle. Our battle is not against the false teachers – but against the spiritual forces behind their views. Prayer is our greatest weapon. We must pray that God will open their eyes and open the eyes of those who read their material – that they might find God’s truth and healing.

      Much love to you!

      1. Thanks, April. It just grieves me that people are exposed to things that are ugly and than that is how they come to perceive Christ, marriage, men, submission. It is almost like in order to come faith properly, we must unlearn all those things, allow Christ to wash away all these false teachings and deceptions. It’s huge stumbling block for many women, and men too, I suppose.

        1. insanitybytes22,

          It grieves me greatly, too, my sister. 🙁 I have to do a lot of tearing down the false teaching to be able to teach God’s truth. We do have to all unlearn anything that is not of God as we come to Him and seek to build our lives on His truth alone. We have to throw out all the worldly ideas and godless ideas and lies.

          Yes, these things are great stumbling blocks- given by the enemy, I believe.

  6. Adoniram Judson Gordon wrote “On the whole and after prolonged study of scripture, we cannot resist this conviction; As Christ, the second person of the Godhead, came to earth to make atonement for sin and to give eternal life, and as sinners must receive him by faith in order to have forgiveness and sonship, so the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Godhead, came to earth to communicate the ‘power from on high’; and we must as believers in like manner receive him by faith in order to be qualified for service. Both gifts have been bestowed, but it is not what we have but what we know that we have by conscious appropriating faith, which determines our spiritual wealth. Why then should we be satisfied with the ‘forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace’ (Ephesians 1:7), when the Lord would grant us also ‘according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man’? (Ephesians 3:16).

    This is an exerpt from the book “They found the secret”. I’m not sure why but it seemed to ‘fit’ this blog post. Hope you are all doing well. Love in Christ, HH

          1. Yes, the book I mentioned a couple days ago “They found the Secret” 🙂

            It’s a compilation of 20 short biographies from well known godly people such as Andrew Murray, John Bunyan, Hudson Taylor and Amy Carmichael as to how they truly surrendered their life to Christ.

            It is a very good book! It takes us through particular crisis that each of these people faced that brought them to a point of desperation to finding their all in Christ and how that effected their ministries.

            The way it is presented makes a distinction between salvation and surrender in service although at the same time highlighting that for some people this occurs simultaneously. It highlights that we can trust God for our eternal salvation but not trust Him for our day to day lives. Some of the stories show a very dramatic realisation of this particular truth whilst others show a gradual growth and understanding of it.

            Reading it has created a much deeper hunger for me to go as deep as I can into knowing the presence of Christ. It shows how God meets us individually where we are at and teaches us what we need to know for His service and that ultimately the only way we can be truly effective is with His power.

            I do recommend it very much 🙂 HH

  7. I have never in my life heard a man say he will lose his identity if he does a, b, or c.
    I am a husband who’s wife is critical. Not bossy, but critical to the point that I have given up. Not going to leave or divorce. Just quitting. Her tone is critical and her body language. We are both believers and married 21 years. It is funny that the last straw was so small. She was disrespectful in her tone and as usual I just let it slide. She could tell, but after an hour or so I had forgotten about it. She appologized. Later that night she TOLD me I was still irritated and angry. That couldn’t be further than the truth and I have gotten sick of discussing her flipping the narrative from her disrespect to her “knowing” I am upset.

    As an owner of 5 businesses, built a get a way home by myself that she doesnt like. Physically fit than all her friends husbands to be attractive for her. She criticizes how I trim the bushes, fix things instead of just appreciating that it got done.

    I know it seems mean, but I can’t even utter the words I love you. I can’t imagine hugging or holding her any longer. I have resigned myself to the christian hell I read about other men. I am 45, and I have resolved that alaska, hawaii and other trips will be just me as I do not want her to come because the food is never right, rooms, hotels. I cannot take her complaints any longer. A trip to carribean with our 3 kids was horrible even for her because I didnt stay quiet. I used sarcasm and amplyfied all the complaints she had about nothings of consequence.

    She is pretty, but I cannot see her beauty any longer. Her wrinkles are glaring now and other things that I use to find beautiful because she is the wife of my youth. All I see is a monster that seems to dislike that she makes me miserable, but can’t help herself.

    This was from the beginning and for some reason this time was too much. I wish she would mive into another room. Our huge house in an exclusive neighborhood was nice for her for a year, but criticism started.

    Sorry for the vent. I am not looking for help. I just want to let it out. All the counselling over the years all the programs. I even subscribed her here and she thought it was too much of a doormat type life.

    Done.

    1. Done,

      Thank you for sharing, our brother. How this breaks my heart!

      Hmm… that is an interesting observation. I can’t think of a time I have heard a man say that either. But – that is what happened to my husband earlier in our marriage. He never told me about it, but he felt he lost his voice and influence and that he lost his identity during those many years when I was unknowingly so disrespectful and controlling. 🙁

      I pray for His healing for you both. I can certainly feel the deep pain you are experiencing in your words.

  8. Dear brothers and sisters in Jesus,

    When we think of surrendering our lives fully to Our most Glorious God,

    There should be no need for fear of being less than oneself. We give our lives to Our Father that he may more truly make us who we are.

    I love this song:
    “The Potter’s Hand”

    Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
    I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands, crafted
    into your perfect plan
    You gently call me into your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
    Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
    I’m captured by Your holy calling
    Set me apart, I know you’re drawing me to yourself
    Lead me Lord I pray

    Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
    I give my life to the Potter’s hand
    Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
    I give my life to the Potter’s hand

    You gently call me into your presence guiding me by your Holy Spirit
    Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through your eyes
    I’m captured by your Holy calling
    set me apart, I know your drawing me to yourself
    lead me Lord I pray

    Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
    I give my life to the Potter’s hand
    Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
    I give my life to the Potter’s hand.

    As to comments where people, claiming to be Christian, abuse God’s Holy Word, to put a particular group of people down, or to abuse others and make themselves look better, I am afraid that kind of thing has been going on forever, just as the defendants of apartheid in South Africa used the Bible and the Dutch Reformed Church to uphold hateful behavior against other human beings because of the color of their skin. Such, so called Christian doctrines as Christian Domestic Discipline does not bear Biblical scrutiny.

    Christians must be compassionate and yet fearless. We need to take a strong stand and hold to views but we must not give up on loving others as our Savior taught us.

    We Are Christians By Our Love”

    We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
    We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
    And we pray that our unity will one day be restored
    And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
    Yeah they’ll know we are Christians by our love

    We will work with each other, we will work side by side
    We will work with each other, we will work side by side
    And we’ll guard each man’s dignity and save each man’s pride
    And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
    Yeah, they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

      1. Dear sister,

        I have written something which I hope that you will find useful for your book on motherhood. I have put it on my blog and I hope to add another posting soon. I have had so little time on my iPad the last months to write. It has been more important for me take time with my family and Our Jesus at this point in the year. With all blessings sister.
        Jesuscentreoflife

        1. Jesuscetreoflife,

          Thank you for letting me know! And I certainly understand your priorities need to be with your time with Jesus and your family.

          With the love of Christ, my brother,
          April

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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