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"If I Trust and Obey God, I Will Be Fake and Lose Myself" – a Guest Post

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A wife asked, “Why does God always want to change people? That’s not real unconditional love. I don’t want to lose myself and I feel like I would lose myself if I do what God wants me to do.”


You will be more *you* than you ever have been, when you give yourself fully to God and allow Him control of your life. I know it doesn’t seem like that, but it’s true.

The fact is, the old you is gone if you have truly put your trust only and totally in Christ for your salvation. If that is true, then your sinful self (your flesh) has been crucified, is dead and buried and you have been raised to new life in Christ. What God asks of us, then, is to live from the truth of this reality (Christ in you, with the personality, gifts, talents, etc. that He has given you). Until you begin to believe what He has said about you (you are loved completely and totally and are safe in and with Him, you are righteous in Christ, you are secure in Christ, etc., etc.) you will not have joy and peace because there is no joy and peace apart from Christ. You have to embrace all that Christ is in and for you for you to experience the freedom that Christ has already purchased for you.

I promise you, there is nothing to fear with this beautiful God who loves you.

Yes, you will experience trials and yes, there will be suffering. He does not lie to us about that (isn’t that great? You can totally trust Him because He doesn’t sugar-coat things!). But, the reality is we are going to face lots of trials in this life – either way. Not putting yourself in God’s hands doesn’t remove you from the trials and sufferings of this life. It just removes you from the blessing of resting in Him – in His love and sovereignty… and unfortunately, it sets us up for even further suffering because we determine to do it our way and hold on to control – and have to experience the painful consequences of our own way of doing things. God is too good and loves you too much to let you stay there.

Oh, and let me just bluntly call it like it is… Satan is flat-out lying to you.

Sometimes, it helps just to bring that out right into the light. He is trying to convince you that if you trust God totally, then God will require and demand of you more than you can give, or that God will test you with untold horrors. (I understand because I have bought into the same lies at times and still hear the whispers of them at times).

If you are truly one of His, He absolutely will bring you to a place of surrender. If I were you, I’d just trust that simple fact right now. Don’t try to force it, don’t feel condemned for not being able to “be where you should be” right now. Just simply tell him, “Lord, I want this in my life but I cannot do it. I can’t even surrender to You totally. But You have promised You will complete the good work You began in me and I trust You for that.”

And guess what? With a prayer like that, you have surrendered. Surrender is just handing it over to God….He will do the rest. All He asks is that you are willing.

And sometimes, I have to pray prayers like “God, I am willing to be made willing.” That’s all I have to offer Him and it’s enough. He delights in our admitting that what we have to offer in and of ourselves is inadequate. He is the Source of it all.

I’m excited for you because He’s already begun the work!!!

Praying for you today. So many of us have been there and yes, it feels crazy scary. But, God has you. Just relax and rest in Him. He is so good. Believe it.

Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”


If I Become a Godly Wife, Will I Lose My Voice, My Power, or My Identity?

Does God Want Me to Be Fake or Lose Myself?

I Will Not Be a Second Class Citizen! – the RestoredWife

I Kind of Hated Some of  What You Had to Say! – guest post about how a wife felt when she first read my blog

What Does It Mean to Be an Ungodly Woman?

Godly Femininity Part 1

Godly Femininity Part 2


22 thoughts on “"If I Trust and Obey God, I Will Be Fake and Lose Myself" – a Guest Post

  1. Great comment.. GLORY TO GOD!

    And Great post from our sister in the LORD.. i needed to read this… thank YOU LORD four YOUR FAITHFULNESS.

  2. Thanks for another great post! I am following your posts so closely and it has helped me immensely over the last couple of weeks. I am so grateful to God for pointing me here. I have to say this post really struck me as it was a struggle I have faced for a long time. I have not been comfortable in where I was in my own faith and really I guess it was the Holy Spirit trying to tell me that I was doing this all wrong. I too, was so bogged down with the feelings that I could not bring myself to surrender the things I cherished most to God, the things now that I know I was making into idols in my life.

    God has finally brought me to that place of surrender that I needed to be, that I believe there is no way I could come to be on my own. For years I have struggled, not being able to fully put my trust in Him (of course because I couldn’t let go of what I “thought” I was controlling!)

    When God spoke to my heart just in the last couple of weeks and opened my eyes, I did become a new person, one that is no longer blind and one that is willing to give my all to grow in Christ and give Him the control like only He can have. Instantly from that moment of realization I felt different. It’s like I can look at myself in the third person, and see all of the ugly truth. It’s a feeling that I longed to have for so many years and just could not figure out why I could not get it. Now I realize with open eyes and ears that it is because only God can bring you to that place on His time, you will never reach it on your own. I never thought that just by letting the “old me” go, my life could change so significantly.

    I already feel so much more peace in the last week. More than I have ever had in my life. I am trusting Jesus now with my life, and my marriage, and my family, and I have let go. I have so far to go and I know all of us on this journey will always be moving, we will never “get” there is this world. But I am willing to keep going. I know there will be tough times ahead and that’s OK, this time God is in control and I know He is on my side.

    I have to say I have been making so many changes in the last week and I can hardly believe how much things have progressed already. More than I ever thought imaginable. Already there is more peace between my husband and I. We are talking so much more openly than we have in years. I am no longer inhibited to hide my weaknesses. I am comfortable to admit my failures to him and I no longer feel that same fear, because I am no longer in control. Already, we have had so many discussions that have drawn us closer together. He has admitted some of his struggles and mistakes too, this has not been just one-sided, it’s just amazing. But if it becomes one-sided that is ok too. I have to remain prepared for that. I am in this first and foremost for God. My husband is already telling me how he can see how I am changing. I have not given him all the details only that I have been coming clean with years of guilt of disrespect and controlling to the point of out of control. It’s amazing how finally REALLY understanding what I have read in God’s word SO many times has changed our lives for the better. This weekend we had the most amazing day together doing practically nothing. Relaxing with coffee, a long walk where we talked about so many things, I felt for the first time in months that my husband wanted to be with me. I feel so much more secure in the last few days or so since I made the commitment to be a godly wife, than I have I think in any of my marriage. Yet it was the threat of losing what was most precious to me, my marriage and the happiness of my family, that brought me to this place. God is amazing. This can ONLY have come from him.

    Ladies, please pray for me on this journey, and I will keep you in my prayers as well. It is a blessing to have this place to come to where people understand and are not sitting back and letting the worldy influences consume and destroy what is so dear to them. And it encourages me to keep my eyes on God. Now I rely on Him for fulfillment.

    1. Melanie,
      WOW! Praise God! I am so glad you have experienced the Joy of Absolute Surrender to Christ!!!! It is truly amazing! I love what you said:

      “I too, was so bogged down with the feelings that I could not bring myself to surrender the things I cherished most to God, the things now that I know I was making into idols in my life.”

      I have to admit that this part of it seems like a never ending thing so far in my journey, and really I’ve only just begun too. Right when I think I’m all for the Lord, something happens, and God reveals more and more things that I’ve been blindly idolizing.

      I was stuck in the place of not wanting to surrender what I was cherishing most, and it weighed me down like you said. It is a spiritual battle.

      But thankfully, God has not left me to myself, and He has revealed my sin and has led me right back under His wing! Hallelujah!!!

      I will pray that you continue to seek the Lord and to cling only to Him as you trust in Him and look to Him for all things!!!!


    2. Melanie,

      I’m so thrilled to hear about what God has been doing in you recently! WOOHOO! How I love the beautiful faith and singleminded devotion He is forming in you and your heart for Him and for your husband.

      YES! Sometimes it is in facing our greatest fears that we realize we must turn to Jesus and that when we release everything to Him – that is the only way to bring healing. LOVE it!

      Praying for God to continue to do His amazing, powerful, miraculous work in your heart and in your marriage for His glory, my precious sister!

  3. You said in that comment that there is no joy or peace apart from Christ. I’ve been a Christian almost all my life and I so rarely feel joy. I feel down most of the time. I had a friend once who could show joy through her trials but I’ve never figured out how to do that.

    1. Melissa,

      If you are ready to experience Jesus and the joy of His presence, I can show you the way and I can walk beside you and cheer you on.

      Would you allow me to do a spiritual check up with you, my precious sister?

      Much love to you!

  4. “If I Trust and Obey God, I Will Be Fake and Lose Myself,” Oh yes, I empathize there! That is a pretty common fear, but it is a deception. Christ doesn’t erase who we are, He makes us better versions of ourselves.

    I think women worry a lot about being fake and we live in a culture that often speaks of authenticity, as if that is the most important thing ever. I think the culture is wrong, I think it is okay to “fake it,” especially when it comes to things like good manners or having a positive attitude. “Faking it” often refers to our feelings, if we’re “faking it,” it means we aren’t feeling it. That’s not a bad thing, that just means we’re making an effort that runs contrary to how we feel. With God that is totally okay, He already knows when our feelings may not match our actions. There are some days when I go through the motions, when I express gratitude I may not be truly feeling, but the feelings always come after the fact. Sometimes just breaking out into some praise changes how we feel, and what may have begun as “not authentic,” soon becomes real, the feelings fall into line, and who we really are becomes apparent.

    1. insanitybytes22,

      I think, too, that we often don’t understand at first what it means to be “ourselves.” We tend to mean that we want the freedom to be our sinful selves. But our sinful selves are dead in Christ! We no longer have the freedom to be that old dead self. Now, we have the freedom to be our new selves in Christ! If we are not filled with the Holy Spirit, it will seem fake to try to act like we are. And we don’t have the power to really be that way. But as we allow God to have more and more control, and we repent of all sin and yield to Him, He makes a real heart transformation – gives us a new Spirit, a new mind, new priorities, new desires that match His own.

      It does feel very foreign and scary at first, to trash our old ways of thinking, feeling, speaking, and acting. But yes, feelings come after obedience. Feelings are not the most important thing. They are an indicator light sometimes when something is wrong. But they are not the source of absolute truth and they should not be the basis of our decisions.

      Thank you so much for sharing!

      Much love!

      If you are interested in posts about feelings, you are welcome to search “feelings” or “emotions” on my home page search bar for more about this.

    2. Insanitybytes22,

      When I read your comment, I was wondering if maybe what you are saying could be translated as “walking by faith”? I could be wrong, but what it sounds like you are suggesting is what one is actually doing when they are, in fact, “walking by faith.” I have had to say and do things many times in obedience to God that I did not yet understand or perhaps even believe yet necessarily. But I did so by faith out of obedience. In time this DID lead to having a conviction about it and believing it for myself internally as God made the inner changes. During those times, I did sometimes feel like I was “faking it” but I understood that I was appropriating faith which God would ultimately honor and bless.


  5. Adoniram Judson Gordon wrote “On the whole and after prolonged study of scripture, we cannot resist this conviction; As Christ, the second person of the Godhead, came to earth to make atonement for sin and to give eternal life, and as sinners must receive him by faith in order to have forgiveness and sonship, so the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Godhead, came to earth to communicate the ‘power from on high’; and we must as believers in like manner receive him by faith in order to be qualified for service. Both gifts have been bestowed, but it is not what we have but what we know that we have by conscious appropriating faith, which determines our spiritual wealth. Why then should we be satisfied with the ‘forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace’ (Ephesians 1:7), when the Lord would grant us also ‘according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man’? (Ephesians 3:16).

    This is an exerpt from the book “They found the secret”. I’m not sure why but it seemed to ‘fit’ this blog post. Hope you are all doing well. Love in Christ, HH

          1. Yes, the book I mentioned a couple days ago “They found the Secret” 🙂

            It’s a compilation of 20 short biographies from well known godly people such as Andrew Murray, John Bunyan, Hudson Taylor and Amy Carmichael as to how they truly surrendered their life to Christ.

            It is a very good book! It takes us through particular crisis that each of these people faced that brought them to a point of desperation to finding their all in Christ and how that effected their ministries.

            The way it is presented makes a distinction between salvation and surrender in service although at the same time highlighting that for some people this occurs simultaneously. It highlights that we can trust God for our eternal salvation but not trust Him for our day to day lives. Some of the stories show a very dramatic realisation of this particular truth whilst others show a gradual growth and understanding of it.

            Reading it has created a much deeper hunger for me to go as deep as I can into knowing the presence of Christ. It shows how God meets us individually where we are at and teaches us what we need to know for His service and that ultimately the only way we can be truly effective is with His power.

            I do recommend it very much 🙂 HH

  6. Thanks, April. It just grieves me that people are exposed to things that are ugly and than that is how they come to perceive Christ, marriage, men, submission. It is almost like in order to come faith properly, we must unlearn all those things, allow Christ to wash away all these false teachings and deceptions. It’s huge stumbling block for many women, and men too, I suppose.

    1. insanitybytes22,

      It grieves me greatly, too, my sister. 🙁 I have to do a lot of tearing down the false teaching to be able to teach God’s truth. We do have to all unlearn anything that is not of God as we come to Him and seek to build our lives on His truth alone. We have to throw out all the worldly ideas and godless ideas and lies.

      Yes, these things are great stumbling blocks- given by the enemy, I believe.

  7. Done,

    Thank you for sharing, our brother. How this breaks my heart!

    Hmm… that is an interesting observation. I can’t think of a time I have heard a man say that either. But – that is what happened to my husband earlier in our marriage. He never told me about it, but he felt he lost his voice and influence and that he lost his identity during those many years when I was unknowingly so disrespectful and controlling. 🙁

    I pray for His healing for you both. I can certainly feel the deep pain you are experiencing in your words.

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