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"My Husband Wanted a Divorce" – by LMS

 

Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:27-31

Today’s post is by one of my readers. God has done an amazing work in her in the past year. She has been walking in the power of God’s Spirit so often – in spite of the fact that her husband has not been very responsive to the changes God is making in her life so far. I’m so thankful for her willingness to share a bit of her story:

MY CHILDHOOD

I was raised as a Catholic by parents that were raised in Catholic school. I attended catechism and confirmation, but to be honest, as a kid, it was just more school work to me and meant nothing to me, really. I memorized what I had to and went because I was a “good kid.” I was an excellent student and always A/B’s in school.

When I was 11, I distinctly remember seeing my parents lovingly gazing into each other’s eyes and I asked them if they would be together forever, they promised me they would. A year later, my mom picked me up from school and told me they were getting a divorce. My world imploded.

I felt that I could not trust anyone but myself if I could not even trust my parents.

My dad was a workaholic and my mom had an affair. I always blamed my mom for the divorce because of that. I had recognized the fact that my dad was trying to take care of his family by working, but I really didn’t know how that felt as a wife of a workaholic.

My grandmother had always been a happy Christian who adored me and complimented me on how I would always find a way to solve my problems by reading a book about them. She encouraged that in me. I remember thinking the Bible was just a fantastic story. I began to look more to scientific explanations of the meaning of life and how we got here.

MY “ROCK BOTTOM” ALMOST A YEAR AGO

I pretty much stayed at this level of spiritual maturity until – as a 42 year old married woman for 18 years with two tween-agers – I went on a family vacation to Florida and the moment we got there, my husband told me he wanted a divorce.

Needless to say, it was the worst week of my life.

On the drive home, I was lost and desperate to figure out how to save the marriage I worked so hard for. I pulled out my smart phone and Googled something about loveless marriage or how to save a marriage and “The Peaceful Wife” blog popped up.

The light bulb moment was the article about “how men feel disrespected.” The 50 point list of items were so convicting. I could check off probably all but 8 that I had done. It was no wonder my husband was so discouraged that he wanted to end our marriage. I was brought to my knees with repentance. I apologized to God and begged for forgiveness when I realized what I had done. I knew at that point I could not do this on my own. I had no idea what a real relationship with God was, but I had nowhere else to turn.

I asked my husband for forgiveness, he said he forgave me, but did not act that way.

I begged my husband not to just pick up and leave, he agreed that we would do this together or not at all. He was looking to do DIVORCE together, I was looking to SAVE THE MARRIAGE together. Thus began my journey to find myself.

MY BABY STEPS

With April’s help and many suggested books, I began to learn about submission (to God and in marriage), how to put God first on my priority list and how to run my own race. I discovered the true meaning of agape love and how to love my husband and kids unconditionally. I learned healthy boundaries and how to love my husband even when he doesn’t deserve it. I practiced being godly with the lovely seniors I work with at the nursing home I work at and I was able to talk to my mom about my journey.

My parents have both gone through 2 divorces each and I really had no good example of how to be a godly wife. I faced my past fears of workaholic dads, irrational responsibility of other people, control, pride and many other idols. It was very painful and heart wrenching. However, my mother has even grown closer to God and may benefit from my journey as well.

Thus, I am on a journey along with many other women to find the true meaning of a relationship with God. With April’s help, I am eager to pass on the truth about how to live in God’s love for everyone on this planet, especially with those we love the most. Relationships are not to be disposed of like so much trash, God does not treat us that way, we shouldn’t treat others that way either.

RELATED:

When Your Husband Says, “I’m Done”

PS FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

This couple is still together although there is much healing that still needs to be done. I’m so thankful for this wife’s faithfulness to seek Christ and to obey and please Him even as her husband remained quite distant and skeptical for many months. Her husband has recently begun to soften a bit toward her. Please pray for God to continue to work and to heal them both!

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