A reminder – please always check anything anyone (including myself) says against Scripture and remember that ultimately we must each seek to do what we believe God desires us to do and we are each responsible for our own decisions.
From a dear sister in Christ whose marriage is facing many extreme difficulties right now:
It’s funny how God works.
Circumstances, test and trials send us fleeing to the Father’s feet for help (usually to tell on and get Him to “fix” someone else for what they did or are doing to us). Such was the case for me. And, while my case is quite legitimate and my need dire, He still has managed to take my focus more and more OFF my dire and legitimate need/case. As I looked up through teary eyes–with every intention of seeing the sympathy and pity in My Father’s eyes, I so desperately needed–I saw myself…MY SELF…broken, yes, but in my true state…as a sinner.
He’s been a mirror to me; and is showing me some things about myself that I just didn’t even know existed. I’m sitting here–having put away (for the time being) every print out and book on marriage, relationships, winning my husband over, etc. It’s not that those aren’t of interest. On the contrary. They are medicine to my aching heart, and aid to my searching soul.
However, the Lord showed me one shocking thing yesterday. The reason I had thoughts of killing myself over this whole thing is because…my husband is my IDOL!
I couldn’t believe it, when God told me. I’m sitting there like “umm…no, Sir!! Thank YOU very much. I don’t even do that!!” Soo… (and don’t laugh), to prove myself right (since I just couldn’t bring myself to even think I was going to prove God wrong) *smh*, I googled “tear down the idols in my life.” That search yielded, among other things, one of your posts “The Biggest Problem in Our Marriages and Our Spiritual Lives” and a few questionnaires.
I printed your post, and glimpsed one of the questionnaires entitled “How Do You Identify Your Idols”. One of the lines in the post is “Are you ready for some painful examples?” I thought, “Ha! I’m ready, because I KNOW, I’m not going to fit into any of these scenario questions!” Imagine my surprise when I saw questions like
- “What are you most afraid of?”
- “What do you long for most passionately?”
- “Where do you run for comfort?”
- Here’s the one that kicked me in the rear… “What do you complain about most?”
- “What do I want to have more than anything else?”
- The one that brought tears to my eyes is “What do you make the biggest sacrifices for?” That one got me at my core, because I knew the answer was NOT “Jesus.”
The answer to all of those questions is – “my husband.”
I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t even realized this is what I’ve come to.
Before my husband and I reunited, I was SOOO close to God. He was my everything!! It was me and Him all the way. I’d look forward to our time together at the end of the day. He’d be the last thing on my mind, and I’d truly rest in Him every night and wake up to/with Him each day. When my husband came along, none of that changed. As a matter of fact, I drew closer to God, because I was so grateful for the blessing of my husband. I remember seeking God for our son, when everything said having him was almost impossible. God blessed us abundantly!
But then… somewhere along the line …I took my eyes off of Jesus and placed them SOLELY on my husband. Instead of God being the one I rested in and the last voice I heard, it was hubby. When God woke me up in the mornings, hubby (and what he was or wasn’t doing) was already playing through my mind, as if somehow there was a movie that never got turned off. Instead of running to the Word (like I used to…even sleeping with it like a teddy bear in my arms), I’d reach for the cell phone to see what text my “heart” sent for me.
I’m sharing this with you now; but it’s really humbling and heart breaking to see all the damage I’ve done to my ONE…my Savior…my FATHER…my Friend…my true LOVE. I left Jesus for my husband; and propped that man up on God’s throne in my heart (like it was mine to give). Then, I ached literally (almost) to death, because hubby wasn’t doing/being/giving all the things that role requires. I just didn’t realize what I was doing…what I’d done, until God showed me.
So, while I am still praying and waiting for The Lord to redeem me and my husband (and restore our marriage), I am donning my yellow rubber gloves and doing some soul cleaning with God. I need to truly be transformed (from glory to glory) by the renewing of my mind–becoming more and more like Christ each day.