This dear sister in Christ shares what God has been showing her. I shared the first part of her story here. I am so thankful that she has allowed me to bless y’all with her story:
God has brought me a really long way since I last wrote. At the time I was dealing with severe mental and spiritual warfare and torment concerning fears about my baby. I was struggling in my marriage as well.
The obsessive fear did not just go away, but continued to be severe even after having our healthy baby girl and this situation lasted for months. I tried to find my way out but struggled without success. I consulted my pastor, who gave me wise advise and I went back to the advise you had given me. The things that you had written helped me, as well as some of your posts on fear, idols, etc have been extremely helpful to me, though not easy to swallow.
Shortly after this, my conscious trip towards deliverance began.
Of course the obsessions about my daughter’s health were just the top of the mountain of my problem, which in reality was that my soul could no longer be convinced about God’s goodness and sovereignty, in a way that I could experience peace and safety in His arms. I realize that this is the cause of my main struggles in my marriage too.
So, God revealed several truths to me using your blog, my personal study of the Bible, and seeking His face. Here are a few of them:
- That I can’t feel and understand God’s sovereignty for what my future holds, because I do not realize or trust His sovereignty in the present. In order to trust Him for my future, I need first to experience Him being in control in my life right now.
- That I am not experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit in defeating my fears and having victory, because I am not filled with the Spirit and do not have His fruit (joy and peace etc) and that is because there is sin in my heart (idols, pride, not respecting my husband, etc…).
- That I haven’t let Him prove Himself good to me in regards to the bad things that happened in my past, but I have instead accepted the lies of the Devil that have totally distorted God’s image in my heart. I haven’t let Him heal me from my past wounds.
- That I have been keeping idols in my heart for a long time (like being obsessed with the wish to have a baby) and I have been building my life on these idols, and that is why when these idols were torn down, so was my life torn down with them (like when I miscarried in my so desperately wanted first pregnancy). Also, He showed me that even though the idols were torn down, I still had not recognized them as idols and denied them, but in reality what I have been doing was sitting down and mourning over their broken pieces, and that is why my life was stuck and I was not getting healed. I could not get over the hurt about the miscarriage even though I was experiencing God’s restoration in that He gave me another baby! I wasn’t letting go. (From Peacefulwife, desiring a baby is a good thing, and mourning over a loss is normal and necessary. There will be a lot of emotions and grief in that situation. That is inevitable. It is not wrong to desire a baby or to mourn over a tragic miscarriage. The issue comes when we put something – anything – above Christ in our hearts and desire those things, even if they are good things, more than we desire Christ, that is what she is talking about.)
- That He is doing a work of demolition and reconstruction in my heart. He is building the walls of my soul like Nehemiah was building the walls of Jerusalem and it is going to be a process rather than an instant relief. Most importantly, He is reconstructing His temple in my heart, which means He is rebuilding the truth in my heart about Who He is. He showed me that I need to be patient through this process, fighting to seek Him and fighting to stick on His promises, while He is “taming my heart” all over again.
So my journey started when I realized I needed to do it God’s way. That was concerning the obsessive fears that were destroying my everyday life, because that was the most urgent problem in my life at the time.
It has not been easy – dealing with all the demonic oppression, trying to invest time in some serious prayer, worship, and study in order to survive just through the day while I needed to be a mother, which was a new challenge in my life. There were many times I thought I wasn’t going to make it, but I knew I needed to persevere if I ever wanted to be free. I was suffering anyway, so I thought – let the suffering be toward deliverance. I don’t know how I made it through some days.
I had to learn to wait on God even if it felt like I’m dying. I had to deny any other comfort to my obsession and fears, that I was so addicted to, and remain with all the lies playing over and over in my head until God’s peace started to gradually replace them. I had to do it His way. There were times I felt paralyzed, just struggling to breathe… I think I maybe was having panic attacks. (From Peacefulwife – please seek godly, wise, biblical help if you are struggling this much and even medical help if necessary!!)
By God’s grace, I can witness that I am doing much much better!
I have been facing some challenges during this pregnancy as well, like fears trying to take over again, but it is nothing like it was before, God is giving me the grace to have victory over them. I see there is still the tendency for me to fall into fear, it looks like my soul is still easily influenced by fearful thoughts, but this time I am learning how to take these fears to God and let Him put His truth in my heart, instead of trying to find a way out, in my own wisdom, which in reality is foolishness. I am trying to avoid any kind of conversation with the devil. It takes practice. And a lot of caution and prayer.
The Devil is smart, sometimes it looks like he may be gaining ground again. But when I hide myself in God, I can be smarter than him, I can overcome his attacks and move forward – by God’s power in me. So, I’m learning that every day. I’m still learning and seeking God and waiting until He finishes the work of construction that He started in my heart, so I can one day witness that fear is a completely defeated enemy in my life. God will convince my soul that He is bigger than all my fears, meaning that He has the way to cover my soul from getting harmed no matter what happens.