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She Is Worth Far More Than Rubies

Rough, natural rubies
Rough, natural rubies

Rough rubies, sell for about $900-$7000 for a small bag of them.

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:10-12, 28-30

www.naturalunheatedrubies.com
www.naturalunheatedruby.com

A godly woman who has noble character is a rare thing, even among women who profess Christ. You don’t find many women with a gentle, peaceful spirit who totally trust in Christ and are fully submitted to Him. You don’t find many women who are so filled with God’s Spirit that He empowers them to do what is right and who do not give way to fear.

happy girl

Confidence in Christ is so beautiful in a woman! It causes her to light up the whole room.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. I Peter 3:3-6

What comes naturally to our sinful nature as women are things like:

  • being afraid
  • freaking out
  • being anxious
  • putting things like romance, beauty, marriage, children or being in control ourselves above Christ in our hearts
  • grabbing for control or power
  • trying to force what we want (selfishness)
  • trusting in our own human wisdom
  • allowing our emotions to rule over us
  • trusting our feelings instead of God’s Word
  • bitterness
  • resentment
  • gossip
  • score-keeping
  • pride
  • self-righteousness, thinking we are better than other people

SPIRITUAL BEAUTY

It is only when we allow Christ to have full control of everything in our lives that He radically transforms us from sinful women to Spirit-filled women. It is only as we allow Him to do open heart surgery on us and we completely trust Him and allow Him to remove our old sinful nature and old sinful heart, crucifying it with Himself on the cross and burying it with Him in the tomb – that we can find freedom from our slavery to sin. He opens the door to our dungeon that has imprisoned us in depression, anxiety, worry, fear, isolation, despair, bitterness, resentment, jealousy and pain. He breaks the shackles from our hands and feet. Jesus invites us to walk with Him out into the glorious freedom and abundant spiritual blessings of the life He has in store for us! Then, because Jesus was resurrected to new life, and we are in Him, He gives us new life, new hearts and His power to live in obedience to His Word.

I CAN BE A PRISONER NOW BY MY CHOICE, BUT THE WAY TO FREEDOM IS ALREADY AVAILABLE

We can choose to stay in the dungeon. We can choose to remain prisoners to our sinful nature and the enemy. We can choose to stay miserable and to enjoy our bitterness and complaints. No one will stop us. It is our choice alone to make. Or, we can now choose to leave these old ways and that old life and old nature behind and receive the spiritual gifts, treasures and blessings Jesus has waiting for all who trust Him and submit to Him as Lord and Master. My feelings don’t have to be my master anymore. I can boss my feelings around when I belong to Christ. They may be helpful to me at times. They may give me some useful information. But they no longer have to be a tyrant to me. I can choose to obey Jesus and walk with Him no matter what my feelings tell me at a given moment. Jesus will reward me with eternal blessings for my obedience to Him as I walk in the power of His Spirit. I don’t have to seek momentary worldly happiness anymore.

I am responsible for this choice myself. I am responsible for my emotions and my spiritual condition. God gives ME this choice to make for my life. My husband cannot make it for me. He cannot make me be content or happy! Only I can find contentment for myself and the only real place to find true satisfaction and fulfillment is in Christ alone.

No other human can make me happy or be responsible for my contentment. I must find my own contentment and be responsible for my own soul. If I am unhappy, it is my job to run to Jesus and take my pain to Him. I CAN choose to receive His gifts of joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness and self-control. I must be willing to die to myself and allow self to be crucified and buried with Christ. Then I can count myself dead to sin and alive to God in Christ. And I can learn to rest in Him and allow Him to produce good in me. It is all His work, none of the good Jesus wants to do in my life originates from me. It is all Him 100%. He died and has provided victory for me. I can choose to accept and receive His gift and learn to live in the power of His Spirit on a daily basis as He conforms my heart, mind and soul to be made to be like Himself.

The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6

IT IS ALL ABOUT GOD

It is the most amazing thing to watch God change you, change your heart, change your mind, change your desires, change your priorities and to cause you to love what He loves and to hate what He hates. As we fling the door wide open to our lives and allow Him access to everything, He will take the things that are most precious to us – as we allow Him to – and break them. He must see that we are willing to give up ALL for Him and that He is our greatest desire and greatest passion. It is only when we willingly grant Him access to our greatest treasures in this life that He will then give us access to all of Himself. Then we gain access to all of Christ, His mind, His heart, His power, the riches of heaven, the spiritual treasures of God…

Then, we radiate the beauty, holiness, peace, joy divine love and power of God. And we live in contentment in Christ alone. We are unshaken by circumstances. Our faith is firmly planted like a tree beside a stream. We draw all of our strength and nourishment from God and His very Spirit lives in us, controlling our lives as we lovingly, joyfully submit to Him in all things.
This is the beauty God is talking about that He desires His women to have. It is not anything that comes from her that is so beautiful, it is Christ in her that brings all the beauty. This is what is precious in His sight and this kind of Holy Spirit-filled woman is worth far more than rubies to God – and to her husband. This is the kind of beauty I pray for us each to discover and develop in Christ.

cmr414-2_i1
http://www.naturalunheatedruby.com
This is a 4.14 carat African ruby for sale for $68,000 USD

39 thoughts on “She Is Worth Far More Than Rubies

  1. Wonderful post April…as always! Thank you.
    On my wedding day, I read from the Book of Proverbs chapter 31, the Virtuous Woman. But I knew nothing about becoming one, even though I was a believer, a carnal one though. It wasn’t until I yielded myself to God and got to know Him as a loving father instead of a scary God full of laws and commandments, that my life changed. Now I am willing to live for Him alone and I know that all His instructions are for my good. And yes they may be uncomfortable to my sinful flesh, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthen me.

    My life, my marriage and indeed all my relationships have improved remarkably as I began to trust God as I should. Thank you April for using your blog to be a great blessing for me as a married woman. Thank you for the practical insight into how we can improve our homes, through the grace of the Holy Spirit.

  2. Kelly,
    Thank you so much for sharing! It is a painful process – learning to count ourselves dead to sin and the flesh and the world and learning to walk by the power of God’s Spirit.

    I am so glad you are listening to God and seeking to hear your husband’s heart – even when it is hard to hear. I’m glad you didn’t argue back. Sometimes, God does speak to us through our husbands. And sometimes it is painful. But I’m so thankful that God doesn’t leave us in our sin but refines, prunes, chisels and molds us to be more and more like Jesus. It has to be ALL Him!

    Much love to you!

    1. I agree with Trixie. I have a feeling that at that moment when he said, “I just want you to be happy,” saying something like, “Aw! You are the best!” or “You are so sweet.” or “Thanks for being such an amazing husband” or “Thanks for being so thoughtful!” would have been great responses.

      He was giving you a gift, trying to delight you. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you to find your happiness in Jesus – but at that moment, he wanted you to know how much he loves you and how he wanted to bless you.

      And, bringing Jesus into a discussion like that can look like self-righteousness sometimes – so, that would definitely be something to keep in mind.

      🙂

  3. Kelly, could I send you an email? I wanted to ask you some questions about your journey–some things in mine sound similar. Thanks!

  4. Wow April,

    This post is really, really good. In the list you typed about “What comes naturally to our sinful nature as women…” I am guilty of at least half of them. Especially worry and fear. In my mind, I know God is in control, but I also am too overprotective. For whatever reason, I feel if something goes wrong, it is MY fault. Somehow we can always trace it back to me. But that’s selfish, isn’t it? I drive my husband crazy because I am always checking, double checking, and rechecking stuff. When I was 6, my mom went back to work. My older sister went to school earlier than me, so it was my job to lock the doors and get myself to the bus stop on time. No big deal. But my sister always left her curling iron plugged in. Thank God nothing ever happened, but when my parents came home and saw it was plugged in, guess who got in trouble. Yep. Me. I left last, so I should have checked. That experience has been positive as far as I am pretty good about checking EVERYTHING before I leave the house. On the flip side, I tend to take it a little too far. After the fifth time I check my husband is like “Please get in the car!!!” 🙂

    Anyhow, all of that to say, I guess I have the wrong impression that while God is in control, if anything goes wrong, it’s because I didn’t do something right. I can forgive people lots of stuff, and I realize they are only human, and everyone makes mistakes. But I am much harder on myself. Because I am the only one I can control. In my mind I know I need to let God release me from the worry, but I struggle with that. I also have the incorrect belief that God has more important things and people to worry about than what is going on in my life. I know He cares, I do. But so many other people have far greater issues than I do. I am married to a good man, I’m healthy, I’m well taken care of. So I often feel like my little problems, my heart issues, my worries, are not as important as the bigger issues other people struggle with. I don’t say that to be like “pity me” – I look at it like why would you be concerned if your kid lost his pencil, when your neighbor just lost his job.

    On the flip side, when I confided just a touch of this to a former Pastor, He said, “Of course God cares about small problems. Do you love your children? Do you care when one of them has a headache? Even a small one?” Ouch. Yes, of course I do. Good example, Pastor!

    I am saved. I was a “christian” when I was younger, because I believed in God I thought I was “safe.” I am now saved in my heart. I KNOW I’m a sinner, and Christ gave His life for me, and I have accepted that and I know I will live with Him in Heaven one day. I think what I am lacking is the growth that comes after that. Yes, I’ve grown a little. I’ve let go of a lot of bitterness. I make a strong effort not to gossip (especially at church where I have learned gossip can be even worse than in the world.) I have given up bad music, etc. But it’s the HEART I struggle with. It’s my own feelings of worth I struggle with.

    When I was a kid the big thing was “don’t be conceited. don’t be stuck up.” If I got a good grade and was happy – I was conceited. If someone told me I looked nice – you HAVE to deny it – or you’re conceited. If I completed a good dive, I had to find what was wrong with it – or risk being conceited. I think I equate confidence with conceit.

    What I am realizing through all of this, is that I have to start looking at my heart, painful as it may be. I have to start asking God to help me with these things. I have to get out of the mindset that He is too busy with important stuff to be bothered with my petty problems..

    I am so sorry. I know in my comments I tend to go on and on and on and ramble, but it is so helpful to me! I have so longed for friends I could share these things with – or even a Bible study where people share their hearts. But where I am right now, everyone puts their best foot forward and to admit weakness is well… weak. So this friendship, this ability to share, is so amazingly helpful. A little painful 🙂 making these realizations about oneself, but still helpful.

    I need to go start my day, but this is one post I will be reading again and again.

    Thank you!

    1. Hi Becca!
      Oh, how I wish I could give you a big hug! I can so relate with your struggles. I too, have felt that even though God is in control, if something went wrong, I messed up somehow, some way! Then it’s hard for me to ask God for help, because “it’s my own fault” so I don’t deserve His help, right? 🙁
      I think God is showing me that deep down I don’t believe He has unconditional love for me. I wrongly think I’ve got to perform and earn it. It’s not true! Jesus made any and ALL payment necessary! We accept His gift.

      I got saved as a child, and I truly want God to have all of me; I want my life to count for Him. But I see that my own performance mentality has really hindered my growth in God–because in many ways I still try to add my own effort in–I’ve got to be totally dependent on Christ if I truly want to grow. I’ve got to lay down my idols of self and control (I think you should do it this way, God). I know I’ve got a long way to go, but the lights are coming on–He is faithful.

      Becca, just remember we don’t have to be perfect for God to help us or love us! We’re his girls! He’s our Dad; He disciplines us like any good parent but is always ready to love on us too.

      I’m doing a great Bible study right now called You are Loved from Good Morning Girls.org that deals with this very subject. It’s so good! Jump in, if you’d like! Hugs to you!

      1. Andra_sn5,
        I am so excited about what God is showing you! I think we all must wrestle with legalism and performance and thinking we must earn God’s love or make ourselves be godly in our own power.

        Sounds like a very good Bible study. Thank you for sharing what you are learning. What God is doing in you is beautiful! 🙂

    2. Becca,
      I am SO GLAD you are posting your comments and thoughts and that you are being thorough about it. This is EXACTLY the kind of discussion we must have in order to grow and learn to recognize the lies and toxic thoughts in our minds so that we can trash them and replace them with the truth of God’s Word. 🙂

      I hope you will allow me to anonymously use this in a post, too, please! It is SO IMPORTANT!

      We sometimes adopt warped ways of thinking about where our responsibilities end and God’s begin as children. I did. I thought I learned that I was very responsible for every single detail in my life, my circumstances and even in other people’s lives. I used to cry every night when I was 8 years old because I wasn’t feeding all the starving people in the world and saving them from death myself. I was very overly responsible for my twin sister and my little brother and everyone around me. I literally believed their wellbeing was completely my responsibility and that if things went wrong, it was my fault. I didn’t understand God’s sovereignty or His goodness or His unconditional love very well at all. So, not only did I think I could “take over” and try to force things to work out “right” but I believed it was my duty and responsibility. This is how I put self on the throne of my life instead of Jesus. I really trusted myself, not God.

      I pray you will do some studying about the sovereignty and character of God. http://www.desiringgod.org and http://www.radical.net are fantastic places to study God’s character and sovereignty. But the Old Testament is also packed full of stories that showcase God’s sovereignty over individuals, groups of people, Israel, nations and the universe. The New Testament also describes God’s sovereignty, but it seems more striking to me at times in the Old Testament.

      It sounds to me like you believe that God is limited by time and space – as if He doesn’t have enough love and time to go around. Our God exists outside of time, my sweet sister. And His resources and love are infinite. Imagine standing at the shore of the ocean with a teacup and thinking, “No, God cannot spare 6 ounces of ocean water for me.” I wonder if you have God in a tiny little box, possibly, like I used to? God cares about every detail of your life and knows how many hairs are on your head.

      It sounds to me like you are living without the power of God’s Spirit filling your soul. Thankfully, YOU are the one that controls that valve. And as soon as you are willing to allow God full access and you are willing to trust Him, He will come in and He will do the changing that is needed and He will empower you to walk in obedience to Him. You can’t do it on your own. None of us can.

      I love what that pastor said to you! That is precious!

      It sounds like you are basing God’s love for you on your performance instead of completely depending on His grace and His finished work on the cross on your behalf. You can never earn God’s love. None of us can. Only Jesus is perfect. And He offers to substitute Himself for you in His death, taking on your punishment that you deserved, then He offers to substitute Himself for you in your life, granting you access to the riches and powers of heaven and all of His godly character to live through you.

      I also think that maybe we need to look at the definition of “conceit.” It’s wonderful to make good grades and to be happy about your accomplishments. The problem is only if you begin to think you are better than other people and become prideful about it in a sinful way. If someone gives you a compliment, it is insulting not to graciously receive it. You rob them of the gift of your gratitude and pleasure.

      Here is a good definition of conceit from the Miriam-Webster dictionary:
      <em>excessive appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue

      That does not mean we should have zero appreciation of our worth or value. We are to value our worth as God does. He sets the standard of our measurement. We have worth because He made us and He made us in His image and gave us worth.

      Yep. You will have to do some very deep soul searching and invite God to shine the blazing light of the truth of His Word into the darkest places in your soul and allow Him to remove the cancer and gangrene and transform you to be more like Christ.

      You are welcome to comment here! I know you are speaking for many other women as you voice your questions and concerns. That is what this blog is for!

      May God richly bless your walk with Him! 🙂

      1. Becca,

        God’s Word admonishes us, “Do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought.” Romans 12:3 It doesn’t say, “Think of yourself as the scum of the earth.”

        When we are in Christ, here is what God says about us

        And here is a post about what real humility is about and how beautiful it is. It is not self deprecating or self loathing. It is seeing ourselves as God sees us and seeing God as so much higher than we are. It is an accurate view of ourselves without distortion.

        1. Becca,

          Check out the two great commandments, given to us by Christ.

          37Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’c 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’d 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

          Do you notice how we are to love others?

          If we hate ourselves, we cannot love others. We must love God, and from understanding how very loved we are in His sight and His truth about us, we are able to love ourselves – then we have love to share with others. 🙂

    3. Oh Becca thank you so much for sharing. I just sit here crying I have the same controlfreak, sometimes It took me an hour just to leave the house or something as simple as feed our animals and check if the lights in the stable are off and the doors closed. I sometimes had to call off an appointment because I totally freaked out and quit trying to leave home. It is really pathetic.
      I got the advice of saying aloud when I closed the door and turned off the lights or anything else. And stil I forget to do so and need check again or I find out I did forget the lights and all the checking gets worse again.
      I wish I could let go, read here let go and let God, how I wonder.
      And l also struggle with worth. I often am disgusted about myself and wonder how can my husband love me for I am totally worthless, yet I know he does. And even to God I think He cannot possibly care but yet He made me feel He loved me. It was an amazing experience but I do not understand why.
      When I read about the proverbs woman it is way beyond my reach. Your post helped me just now understand that my rageproblem is based in that total feeling off worthlessness.
      I just cannot handle any more failures and yes everything that goes wrong is my fault. It is neither respectful to God or my husband that I doubt their love for me. I hate myself for who I am on the inside and it is difficult to change from that.
      It must be frustrating to them that they have made their love known to me in various ways and I keep seeing the slightest criticism as rejection instead of a good cousel to take to heart.

      1. Oh Tabitha, my dear sweet friend! I am so glad you are here. This blog, and the love and support of these sweet sisters has been so healing for me. I am praying for you right now. I am praying that you will find healing, and that you will realize your own worth. You ARE worthy!

        I understand where you are coming from. It’s probably obvious from my comments that I have struggled with feelings of worth. I am glad you shared, because your story makes me sad, and it also sheds some light on how I must sound, and how sad God must feel to hear me say those things. I often don’t say them aloud to God (although I should while asking Him for help through prayer) but He knows my heart. Where do these feelings of unworthiness come from? I’m not a doctor or psychiatrist, but from my own experience, I think they come from several places. Some of them stem from childhood, and the things people say (even in adulthood I guess). Some of them are lies and attacks from the enemy. Some of them are from mixed messages the world sends. Trust me when I tell you – and I am speaking to myself here as well – the feelings of unworthiness are not good and need to go. I know that is FAR easier said than done, but I will be praying for you and myself to learn to embrace the fact that we are children of God and very worthy of His love. He wouldn’t have sent His only son to die for us if He didn’t think we had any worth.

        Please, please do not misunderstand me. When things go wrong, often it is NOT my fault. I tend to think it is, but it isn’t. And it isn’t your fault either. I cannot control the thoughts or actions of other people. I also cannot control God’s will. I have had people in my family (adults) make poor life choices and I would think that somehow even that was my fault! “Oh, if only they had listened to me….oh, if only I were a better witness and they had given their lives to Christ… oh, if only I had stepped in and made everything better…” That sounds kind of ridiculous when I tell you these people are adults, doesn’t it? 🙂

        Of course we still need to witness, we still need to try and help others, we still need to pray and ask God to guide us in what He would have us do. However, we have to learn to trust Him with the outcome – and here’s the hardest part for me – to accept it.

        The checking and rechecking thing? I get it! It can be really nerve wracking. When I was a child, my mom made me a checklist. It helped a little, but then like you said – sometimes I’d worry I forgot to check the list! The blessing in all of this is that I am pretty responsible, and I’ll bet you are, too! I am able to get out of the house. I say this with love, if it is crippling you to the point that you cannot leave, it may be wise to talk to a Pastor or a counselor to help you through these issues. And of course, pray for true peace.

        Let me repeat, you are not worthless! Your husband loves you, and God loves you infinitely more. It blows my mind sometimes, how much God loves us. I cannot even comprehend it sometimes, but He does. All of us. Please do not hate yourself, and stop being so hard on yourself. I know that is easier said than done, but as we start to let these negative feelings go, we can truly begin to grow. I know people who have read my previous comments may be thinking “Huh? This from this girl?” But yes! I have a long way to go, but I have come a long way from where I was. I thank God that His mercies are indeed new every morning, and He never gives up on me. He won’t give up on you either, and I praise Him that He isn’t finished with us yet.

        Tabitha, thank you for sharing. In replying to you, I am speaking to myself as well. We can do this! We can find our worth in God, accept the love of our good husbands, and grow as Christians and as the women God created us to be. I will be praying for both of us in this area!

        With love!

  5. Kelly,
    I’m wondering if maybe your comment to your husband offended him because he felt like you maybe think you’re more righteous than him? Before I was saved, I always heard comments like that as self-righteous. Now I understand how someone saying that probably doesn’t feel they are better than others, but it can seem that way to someone else.

    Also, maybe he was hoping to hear appreciation from you for the gift. I’m sure you did feel appreciation, but perhaps it wasn’t conveyed well to him. I know I can feel hurt when I do something especially nice for someone and they don’t even acknowledge it. I know we shouldn’t need that appreciation, but it is nice to get.

    Just my thoughts, for what they’re worth. 🙂

    Trixie

    1. Kelly,
      I’m glad you apologized and thanked him for the phone. You know when I was first doing the Respect Dare there was a dare called What You Pay Attention To Grows. That was the most influential dare in the course for me. When I started looking for the good in my husband I was astounded by what a good, godly husband he is. I used to think “why won’t he lead?” “why won’t he make decisions?”. When I started looking for things I could respect about him, my feelings of respect grew and grew because he really is such a good man. When I started noticing these things and thanking him and telling him how proud I am of the man that he is, he started trying even harder to be a better man.

      One day after I’d been doing this respect thing for months we had people over and without thinking, I started telling them how wonderful he was with one of our sons. I swear he actually got taller on the spot. It was so amazing to see how much my words meant to him.

      We are a powerful force for good or evil in our husband’s life and because you’re here, I know you want to be your husband’s crown. (Proverbs 12.4)

      So keep up the good work! 🙂

      Blessings,
      Trixie

      1. Trixie,
        I love this!!!! Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂 your experience is so similar to mine that you are describing here. How I long for every wife to be so richly blessed.

        With love
        April

  6. Wow !!!! I have not had access to the internet for several days so i was going through the posts ive missed and i am about to fall out my computer chair. This has been a major focus for myself and my two younger daughters lately. The question we have been asking God is what is true beauty? After running with a friend one day and discussing 1 peter 3, i felt led to try an experiment, i wasnt going to wear any makeup or jewelry for two weeks and focus on inward adornment. Not to be legalistic just as a personal choice to see how important my outward beauty was to me. I did good until it was time to leave home and face the outside world not all “dolled up”. Then Gods spirit gently began to deal with me and show me how i was getting some worth and value in the compliments i get or in how much i fit in with the fashion in trends of the world. I didnt even see this before. But he began to take my hand and walk me into freedom and fill that need to be accepted and approved of and found beautiful with Himself. He satisfies!!!!! He changed my desires, instead of wanting to look beautiful in the eyes of man and wanting people to look at me and admire something that i posess He replaced that desire with a longing for people to look at me and and see HIS beauty radiating through me. I read a devotional by leslie ludy on this topic that really blessed me in it she said, “Any human beauty, any human value that we might find within ourselves is just a filthy rag compared to the limitless beauty and glory of Jesus Christ. Christ’s beauty is perfect. And, in spite of what we deserve, He desires to adorn us with His spectacular glory. It is not our unique beauty that must shine for this world to see and it is not our own beauty that we must discover and embrace – it is His.”
    Spurgeon said: “If a soul has any beauty, it is because Christ has endowed that soul with His own, for in ourselves we are deformed and defiled! There is no beauty in any of us but what our Lord has worked in us.”

    These truths were so freeing to me, like every other aspect of the christian life Jesus does not call us to improve or try to change ourselves He says Come and DIE and let me live through you. are you impatient? let My patience shine through you. Are you proud? let my humility shine through you. Are you bitter? let my forgiveness shine through you. Are you insecure do you feel ugly? let my beauty shine through you. Jesus is the solution. He is our beauty inner and outer.
    As He did this work in my heart i began to talk to my daughters who are 9 and 6 about true beauty and i was surprised to see just how much this world has already tried to suck them in to an obssesion with outward beauty which is fleeting compared to eternity. My youngest was convinced she wasnt pretty because she lost a tooth. We read a chapter in a book about godly feminity for girls and this quote really stood out to me. “a desire to be beautiful is not unwomanly, but true beauty is not of the face but of the soul, there is a beauty so deep and lasting that it will shine out of the homeliest face and make it pretty.” Wow i wish i would have read things like this when i was a child and teenager. I feel if i would have grasped theses truths i would have done things a lot differently
    sorry this is so long I was just excited to see that you ladies were talking about the same things God has been speaking to me about in my life. He is so awesome!!!!!

    1. Jessica,

      WOW! Please, please, let me share this, too! 🙂 LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

      I want to have these discussions with my little girl, too. 🙂 Please don’t apologize. These are precious treasures.

      1. Jessica,
        I LOVE the experiment you did AND I especially love how you talk about that anything we need, Jesus is God’s provision and supply for us – patience, kindness, love, joy… it is all found in His abundant supply.

      2. April you can always share anything i share that you feel led to share. 🙂 The conversations i had with the girls were very fruitful:)

    2. HI Jessica! 🙂

      I could totally relate with your “experiment.” Mine started as one after my conviction, but nearly ten months after, I am still on it. 🙂 It’s no longer an experiment, it’s my way of life. 🙂

      What helped me too, in my walk of faith and in keeping beauty and everything else in perspective, is head-covering. 🙂

      I first learned about it here in April’s site, when she shared about covering her head in prayer. The Lord convicted me of it, and so I asked my husband’s permission to cover my head with a veil to Mass (I am a Catholic Christian). I went a step or two further, and now cover my head almost all the time with bandannas/scarves, as I go about my daily routines; unless wearing a head covering is inappropriate like when I have hostings/emceeings/shows (I still do part-time broadcasting work). It allows me to always be in a reverent mode before God and its symbolic representation of my submission to my husband, reminds me of this journey that I am in. 🙂

      Thanks for sharing about teaching your daughters about true beauty. I am encouraged to do the same with Therese, our eldest daughter, who is also 9.

      God bless you, Jessica! 🙂

      <3

      Nikka

  7. Nikka,

    I smiled when I read your comment , I have now been doing my experiment for about a month. God also led me to wear only skirts and dresses. My husband constantly tells me I’m beautiful and to think I thought I NEEDED so much outward adornment to be beautiful. I bought into the lie but His truth has made me free!!!! Thank you for sharing this with me I feel I am not alone because I was beginning to question my convictions because I was comparing myself to others again but in a different way.Women whom I love and I know walk intimately with God but don’t share my convictions. I listened to too many comments from well meaning people who said I was extreme or legalistic. Which I know I’m not I just feel led to honor Christ this way by being obedient to the way He’s leading ME. I know I can’t earn my salvation or favor with God but because I am loved accepted and secure in Him I just want to give all of myself to Him out of sheer love and His grace.

    1. Jessica,
      I think you brought up a great point about comparing ourselves with others. I found after reading Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only” (really great book BTW), that I went overboard with the modesty thing and I started looking at other women at church and thinking “how can you wear that, don’t you care that men struggle with lust”. These were good women, wearing decent clothing, but they looked good in them. Can you see what I was doing (besides judging? 🙁 ) I was thinking those women should try to control men’s thought lives by how they dress. A very subtle form of control, but totally inappropriate.

      We can’t control someone else’s thought life. We aren’t responsible for men’s thoughts or whether they lust or not. We are responsible to men to cover ourselves as is fitting for the occasion and not to wear clothing that reveals areas of our bodies that are meant to be shared only with our husbands.

      Modesty is much more about the heart than it is about the clothes we wear. If we pride ourselves on how we can get men to stare, we’re obviously immodest. But we are also immodest if we pride ourselves on how modest (how much we have covered) we are. God knows the motives of our hearts and that’s where we honor Him the most.

      I’m not suggesting that you have any bad motives. Just a cautious reminder to us all. It’s just so easy to fall into the enemy’s trap of self righteousness. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one to have done this and I’m guessing that other women could fall into that trap as well.

      It’s wonderful that you’re believing your husband when he tells you that you are beautiful!

      1. Trixie,

        Yes, we do have to be careful not to get into legalism, self righteousness or pride. Our motives must simply be to love God with all our hearts, to obey Him and to love and bless others. Thanks so much for sharing. This is definitely a snare we must be aware of.

      2. Trixie,

        Thank you so much for the word of caution as i am on this journey with God. About 2 years ago God began to convict me of the immense pride in my heart that manifested itself in many ways. And i mean MANY ways i now feel He is simply working that inward work on the outside. I use to love to draw attention to myself in any way i could whether it be my looks, dress, or later on piety. I didn’t know or truly grasp who I was in Christ so i was so hungry for approval. My daughter and i were just talking about how a woman can have on a dress down to her ankles and still have an inmodest heart. She was surprised and asked how. Because she could be saying look at me! look at holy I am! but i never thought of priding ourselves on getting men not to stare. That’s something to ponder. That thought never even crossed my mind. I just love my fellow brothers in Christ and never want to be a stumbling block not because i want to pride myself in it but just because I love God and want to bless others. And this is so opposite of the way i use to think that i know its a work of Gods grace. I cant take any credit for it.

        1. Jessica,
          You seem to have a good understanding of what modesty is really all about. 🙂 You are so right about finding our identity in Christ. Without that we are just tossed about on the waves. Balance is found as we come to understand who He is and then who we are. It really is a journey.
          Love in Christ,
          Trixie

    2. Jessica! 🙂

      My children and I were watching “Frozen” the Disney cartoon and I was able to introduce to my daughter, the concept of true beauty because of it… I just went ahead and asked her, “Baby, what do you think is beautiful?” Then, I went about telling her… “If you are kind, if you are gentle, if you are generous, if you are sweet…” you are beautiful in God’s Eyes and people’s eyes. But if you are angry, if you are envious, if you are not helpful, if you are “evil”… you are not beautiful in God’s Eyes, even if you may have a pretty face.”

      She then asked something that made me stop a bit:

      “CAN SOMEBODY UGLY STILL BE BEAUTIFUL?”

      I said, “Even if a person’s face may not be so pretty, but if she has a kind heart, then she is beautiful.”

      It ended with me saying, “You are blessed, lovey, to have a beautiful face already… If you develop your kind spirit, you will be even more beautiful.” This is my daughter, by the way, who is just 9, but at 7 declared that “I want to be a saint.” which in “Catholic-speak” means, she wants to glorify God with her good life. <3

      I plan to continue with these kinds of talks with her and a separate talk with my sons on something related to this too, with a different slant, soon. Thanks for the inspiration! 🙂

      <3
      Nikka

  8. April, I am engaged and happened to stumble across your blog not too long ago. I just want to say THANK YOU so much for your advice! I can see how I already am disrespecting my future husband after reading your posts and have already noticed a change in our relationship since I have made some adjustments in my behaviors towards him all while submitting fully to God in the process 🙂 you have such a beautiful soul and God Bless you!

    1. Katie,
      YAY! I am so excited that you have the opportunity to learn this BEFORE marriage!!! What a huge answer to my prayers. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. May God richly bless your walk with Christ and your upcoming marriage for His greatest glory. 🙂

  9. I am so blessed by all of you for the sharing, April, thanks for providing this blog for us to talk out issues. I also learnt the lie behind make up. taking care of my natural skin, as you allow God to work on my inside, produces a glow that that runs deep into the heart. I have learnt alot from all of you. Much love.

    Liz

  10. “It is the most amazing thing to watch God change you, change your heart, change your mind, change your desires, change your priorities and to cause you to love what He loves and to hate what He hates. As we fling the door wide open to our lives and allow Him access to everything, He will take the things that are most precious to us – as we allow Him to – and break them. He must see that we are willing to give up ALL for Him and that He is our greatest desire and greatest passion. It is only when we willingly grant Him access to our greatest treasures in this life that He will then give us access to all of Himself. Then we gain access to all of Christ, His mind, His heart, His power, the riches of heaven, the spiritual treasures of God…”

    Such lovely music. 🙂

  11. Hi Peaceful wife,

    I don’t know if you can help me. I used to receive like 2 of your emails,per day, and now I don’t get any since June 15. i checked my “manage subscriptions” but i still don’t receive them. I really enjoyed reading God’s truth through your point of view. It is very helpful!

    Elsa

    1. Hi Elsa
      April has a blogvacation so she is not writing any posts. We have to wait and browse through old posts and comments.
      I found several I ha not read yet.

    2. Oh I am sorry I missed the date you wrote your updates stopped. Maybe it will help if you subscribe again and delete the older subscription.
      Anyway you cannot test that until April is back and writes new posts.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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