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“Amy” Shares Some Encouragement and Her Story

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This precious wife, “Amy,” (not her real name) was generous enough to allow me to share what God is doing in her life with y’all!  PRAISE GOD!

I figured it was time for an update..
I have learned a LOT in the past few months..
But everything comes back to this..
This picture above is the MOST important thing to remember.

 

My husband and I still have our issues. But we are working on them. We still go to counseling. Godly counsel is so important. We have our person that we meet with, and we have someone we consider as a pastor to help guide us spiritually.

We are closer now than we have ever been. We’ve discovered a Love we forgot we had.
We pray every morning and every night, he makes me breakfast, we make sure to have some sort of physical contact, a kiss, a hug, holding hands every day.

It all starts with a changing of the heart. Changing your circumstance by changing your thought process.

You, (me) a human can NOT change someone else. You can manipulate, push, encourage, and insist the other person change. And most of the time these end up doing more harm. But you can’t change anyone.

Only God can change a heart. You can pray that God will work on them.  But like the flight attendants instruct on a plane in the safety talk. In the event of an emergency, help yourself before you attempt to help others.
Get your heart right with God, before trying to “fix” your husbands heart.

Believe me, I know it’s very hard. I still struggle.  I work in this daily.

How do you start to work on your heart?

  • Sometimes reading the bible is just to difficult to do..
  • Start by changing the music you listen to.. I challenged myself to the klove 30 day challenge! It has changed my everyday life..
  • Maybe start your day, as you are brushing your teeth, think of 3 things you are thankful to God for..

And mean them!
Yes you are thankful for your kids.. Home… Blah blah blah.. That’s good for a few days. But think of 3 different things everyday and tell God you are grateful!

What really hit me:

I thought about how my husband was treating me. How he ignored me, spent money frivolously, didn’t talk to me or even seem interested and had no regard my feelings.
What if, all the time, money, efforts and all my focus that I was giving to my husband – in trying to fix him and us – I was doing the SAME thing to God… to whom we are betrothed.

I was such a hypocrite.

Bro Denny Livingston has a series he is still preaching on Matters of the Heart. I’ve been listening, it is awesome!

  • Work on your heart, and do it because you Love God more than anything. Because He is worthy,  not because you want your husband to be fixed.  That is trying to manipulate God. He is not fooled.
  • Love The Lord your God with all your heart. God is the number one priority..

It all goes back to that diagram..
Change your heart, your attitude, and Love God..

I hope all is well with you!

Keep inspiring!! 🙂

RELATED:

A Peacefulwife Youtube Video “Respecting Our Husbands and Reverencing Christ” (13 minutes)

Finding All of Our Contentment in Christ

If you do NOT have a relationship with Jesus Christ or you are not sure if you do and you would like to receive Him as your Savior and Lord, please leave me a comment and we will talk about how you can have the peace, joy and hope that Jesus gives to those who trust Him and how you can know Jesus and receive His incredible gift of love, mercy, grace and forgiveness and how you can be made right with God here and after this life, as well. You cannot make yourself right with God on your own. The only way to God is through Jesus and what He did on our behalf. “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” John 14:6. He died to pay the debt we owed God, the LARGE, LARGE debt our sins have created. His blood is sufficient to pay our debt to God in full so that we can be in right standing before God and enter into relationship with Him based on the merits of Christ Jesus, not our own merits. We don’t have to pay the price of our own sin in hell. There is a way for us to have unity and communion and sweet fellowship with God through Jesus!  How to Have a Relationship with Christ

28 thoughts on ““Amy” Shares Some Encouragement and Her Story

  1. Thanks to Amy for this post. The diagram is a great reminder, and I really love the flight attendant analogy. Soo helpful. I pray we can all keep God first! 🙂

  2. Thank you so much for posting updates. It makes my heart happy to know that God truly is working in the lives of many wives and is doing amazing things in us and in our relationships.

    I posted the other night about feeling very discouraged and hurt that my husband seemed to be pulling further away as the positive changes God is making in me are happening. I couldn’t understand. April, you said that God maybe needed more distance between us to do the work in each of us.

    Last night, for the first time in months, my husband opened up a little to me. He said that in the past week or so, he’d been able to identify one of his issues as being anger. He said he’s been able to identify it and start to see where a lot of it comes from. He told me that he is grateful that he’s spending more time alone, and in his own thoughts because he feels like he’s getting to the root of how he’s feeling.

    Can you say AMEN?!! I validated his feelings and took complete ownership for my part in that anger. I am so grateful to have been able to see a tiny glimpse into God working in my husband. The whole time he was talking, all I could think in my mind was, “That’s GOD! THANK YOU GOD FOR THE WORK YOU ARE DOING IN MY HUSBAND AND I”. Talk about a hallelujah moment!

    1. Awesome testimony!

      I can empathize with you sis – but I am a man and the situation is reverse =). My wife and I are separated so I have to love her from a distance. The distance has given me time to have more time with God. It is VERY painful – but God is our ‘all in all.’ We owe him everything!
      I am so elated for you and your husband. You testimony is encouraging!

      1. Baby steps! April was spot on, and although I was having a very down, difficult time, I trusted that God was putting more distance there for a purpose. And indeed he was. The fact that my husband has not been “ready” to talk about anything, and shared with me exactly what I was hoping for (he needed more distance) has reinforced to me that my patience is working, and I have to respect the distance he and the Lord are creating, and continue to make the changes in me. God bless my beautiful husband. Amen

        1. Catherine,
          These insights into God working and these beautiful moments of clarity help to build and bolster our faith so that we can trust Him even when we can’t see or understand what is happening. What a blessing!

    2. Catherine,

      That is wonderful! I am thrilled that you get a tiny glimpse to see that God is working in him, too. And to see that your husband needing time alone doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t love you – just that he has a lot of thoughts and feelings to sort through.

      I am so proud of you for taking responsibility for your part of the issue. And I love the beautiful faith that God is producing in you. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing!

  3. Just wanted to say ‘I am so thankful for this blog.’ Today is a somewhat ‘down day’ at the moment(something wonderful I thought was going to happen didn’t) ..but the day isn’t over. I need to start journaling again. Got to go make time to really talk to ‘Abba’ and see what He says in his word =).

    1. Raphael,
      Journaling helped me so much when I was basically alone working through all of these issues. I am praying for you and your wife and children. I love your faith in Christ.

  4. Have any if you experienced the silent treatment from your spouse? My husband gives it to me and it is so painful. I am desperate for him to stop doing this to me. Last time he took 9 days of not speaking to me at all, sleepig in sofa. Right now has been almost a week same behavior. I am expected of always having to go beg him. It’s so tiny things that he makes seem so offensive to him to punish me this way. I have expressed to him how lonely, sad and rejected I feel when he withdraws from me like that. It’s.been so hard for us. I have tried to hang on so hard because I believe God can change hearts. I have prayed so much for him and our marriage. But I am ready to give him ultimatum.

    Mothers day is coming tomorrow, but I know that he will not care to wish me happy mothers day because he is so mad at me still because of some foolish thing I am mot evev sure what my offence was.

    1. Hi Yasmin,

      YES!!!
      The silent treatment is terrible. Does your husband suffer from depression? Maybe he reverts to silence because he doesn’t know what to say or is being defensive. Just keep on trusting in God. It is VERY HARD but we must trust God – he is with you and he is listening. Talk to him. Cast your cares on him (no matter how many times they pop up in a day or even a minute).

      Sadly, we think our mates can ‘read our minds’ since we have been with them for such a long time. We can’t and we get into some type of ‘fantasy’ that we can. Only God knows exactly what we are thinking. God loves his children and he will direct your path. I pray that your Mother’s day will be well as you focus on Him.

      Here are some encouraging quotes from George Mueller on faith/trust:
      “Our walk counts far more than our talk, always!”

      “If the Lord fails me at this time, it will be the first time.”

      “To learn strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings.”

      “If we desire our faith to be strengthened, we should not shrink from opportunities where our faith may be tried, and therefore, through trial, be strengthened.”

      “Be assured, if you walk with Him and look to Him, and expect help from Him, He will never fail you.”

      “Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man’s power ends.”

      “Faith has nothing to do with feelings or with impressions, with improbabilities or with outward experiences. If we desire to couple such things with faith, then we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith needs nothing of the kind. Faith rests on the naked Word of God. When we take Him at His Word, the heart is at peace.”

      “Faith is the assurance that the thing which God has said in His word is true, and that God will act according to what He has said in his word… Faith is not a matter of impressions, nor of probabilities, nor of appearances.”

      “God delights to increase the faith of His children. We ought, instead of wanting no trials before victory, no exercise for patience, to be willing to take them from God’s hands as a means. Trials, obstacles, difficulties and sometimes defeats, are the very food of faith.”

      Hang in there Sis Yasmin, You are definitely NOT alone!

      1. Raphael,
        SO powerful! Thank you for sharing your empathy, encouragement and these powerful quotes from George Muller – a man with possibly the greatest faith I have ever read about.

        1. You are quite welcome Sis! Your blog has been a blessing to me. I am learning about what my wife might be going thru from a woman’s perspective. Reading about other saints trials and triumphs in marriage have edified my soul. The trials are humbling and the triumphs are so encouraging. We overcome by our testimony and the blood of the lamb.
          I pray that all the moms have a wonderful Lord’s day and mother’s day.It is an awesome blessing to be a parent.

    2. yasmin, have a wonderful Mother’s Day. It’s your day because you are a MOTHER. It isn’t wife day anyway right? Happy Mother’s Day to you. I am not counting on a Mother’s Day wish from my husband either. But I am counting on some homemade gifts from school and Crayola cards which mean more than the world!! Smile. Enjoy being a mommy. <3

    3. Yasmin,
      I am so sorry that things are so very painful right now. 🙁

      I don’t know if you have read the posts at the top of my home page about disrespect and respect. Maybe you already have. I know that many women, including myself, are pretty shocked at all the things that seem small to us but feel very disrespectful to our men.

      Or, it may be that this is an issue your husband has that doesn’t have much to do with you. I don’t know. But I pray for you to cling to Christ and to find comfort, love, acceptance, hope, peace, faith, joy and power in Christ to be the woman He desires you to be no matter what your husband is or is not doing. And I pray for wisdom for you both and for healing in your marriage.

      I have some posts about expectations that may be helpful, and about forgotten anniversaries that may be helpful, too. (And, My Husband Forgot Our Anniversary and I am So Happy to Be Married to Him!)

      Much love!
      April

  5. Catherine, your words were sweet music to me!

    Yasmin, My husband and I have been around that boat too. It’s very painful and very difficult to focus on what you need to do for yourself and continue giving what you owe your spouse when they are completely ignoring you for days or weeks. Raphael had some good comments and Catherine’s testimony shows that sometimes God uses that time to really zero in on the heart of your husband. I ask you to reconsider an ultimatum, as ‘love is patient’ per 1 Cor 13 and the Lord asks us to forgive ‘7 times 7’. Check out April’s posts on what to do with an emotionally shut down husband. Distract yourself with going deep with God, good self care (have some fun!) and learning everything there is to know about biblical submission until you have direction for further steps that will build up your home rather than tear it down.

    1. Self care has been HUGE for me. I never had TIME for ME. I had all kinds of excuses. I can’t, no energy, I don’t deserve to have fun, I can’t now with my life in complete turmoil, my life is falling apart, my kids need me, etc.

      Well, it’s the best thing I’ve done besides turn to God and the Word. I joined a gym and “FOUND” time. I go on my lunch hour three days a week. I get up a half hour earlier to have meditation, bible time, God time, I read my books in the evenings after the kids are in bed, waiting for appointments, coffee breaks, etc. It truly is KEY. I’ve had dinner with friends once a month over the last three months (which I have not done in YEARS!) I honestly think that part of my anger, bitterness, etc had to do with never taking time for me. How can I do me things when I had to be home to CONTROL everything, right???

    2. Thank you ladies for the support. You all are great for understanding me and for injecting courage to stay and see God’s glory in my marriage. I loved how rrefined suggested the love is patient part, thats a confirmation of what God has put in my heart. I am to win my husband with my testimony. Amen

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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