Skip to main content

Having God’s Peace in the Midst of the Storm

1381514_86242460
From the wife who wrote “The Dryer Incident”. Her husband is with her but things are quite tense. She has been on this journey now for about 6 months. He is not a believer and needs Jesus so very much! He is in a lot of pain. I praise God for what He is doing in this sister’s heart. It is so beautiful!
Now, I need to keep releasing my husband over and over, but it felt good to let him know that I want the best for him and trust him to make the choices he needs to.  It felt like a huge step of faith because if he would just “snap out of it” and decide to do the “right” thing then we could move on.  But I need to trust God’s path and plan for my husband’s life, as well as my own, and believe that no matter what choices he makes in order to figure out how to be happy, that God is directing and will use them for His glory and our best.
Thank you for the excellent reminder that my husband doesn’t need to actually be here with me for me to bless him.  That helps a lot in putting things into perspective for me:  the absolute best way I can bless him is by praying for him (which is actually easier to do when he’s not here anyway).  I guess I’ve been looking at blessing him more as things that I do for or say to him, that he needs to be involved in the interaction (or at least present for it).  It is actually freeing to look at it this was and, I’d say, exposes some of my pride in thinking that there’s anything that I can say or do on my own to make a difference.  Thank you for pointing that out to me and for your continued prayers for my husband.

That actually ties in to what God revealed to me last night through His Word and this morning while meditating on it.  Your words and example of being still and waiting on God have got me thinking about that further.  We’ve spoken before about how waiting is such a difficult but important part of this journey.   I see how God can and is using this time of waiting to teach me and draw me closer to Him.

I also know that I don’t really have any other choice — I can’t force my husband to make a move so I am stuck waiting, whether I like it or not.

I’ve felt like I’ve been able to accept this waiting period for what it is to some degree, but I see now, that I haven’t fully embraced it.  Being still and waiting isn’t just about my outer life — my actions and situation.  It also has to include my inner life — thoughts and feelings.  I’m not doing so well in that area.  It’s hard not to be thinking about what I can be saying or doing or plan how to handle something and then analyze all the different reactions to it and where to go next or to try to interpret every move and word from my husband … this is NOT being still!

I have been reading Genesis and Psalms, at least a chapter in each, daily and last night, as I was waiting and wondering about my husband and so confused about how to handle the situation, I almost didn’t read it.  I had been praying, reading other things, it was late, I was exhausted, physically & emotionally, and I almost put aside my Bible reading.  But then I thought there’s really no reason not to read a Psalm, at least.  I do always feel better and there are a lot of short ones.  And then, after that, I did read from Genesis, too.

  • April, I just can’t believe how clearly God speaks to me through His Word!  EVERY SINGLE DAY there is a message for me, from stories I’ve known since a small child, there’s always something new that I’ve never understood before!  It’s truly incredible!

Last night I read Genesis 26 where God commanded Isaac to stay in the land where He had put him, despite famine and hardship, promising to be with him and bless him.  Isaac stayed and God blessed him so richly that it was clearly apparent to all around him that he had God’s blessing and they were threatened (convicted) by it.  Coincidence that I should read that passage?  I’m just blown away by how pertinent the accounts in Genesis have been in my life as I read through it.

The Psalm that really spoke to me was chapter 13.  David is crying out to the Lord who has seemingly forgotten and turned away from him.  He questions “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” (vs 2a) and demands that God look on and answer him (vs 3).  He is in complete anguish in verses 1-4 then the final two verses are a complete and drastic turn around!  For no apparent reason, he doesn’t allude to any improvement in his situation, he says

“But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation.  I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.” (vs 5-6).

So as I’m laying in bed last night after reading these passages, praying and thinking about my husband and how I should handle all of this, I realize how clear God’s message is. I am to stay still and wait, clinging to God’s promise to be with and bless me, not just despite but because of hardship.  And that this being still has to extend to my heart and mind as well.  I need to let go of my anxious thoughts and feelings, my flawed and inadequate attempts to change and improve things.  How? 

Here’s the key:  Trust in God’s unfailing love.  Rejoice in His salvation.  Sing of His goodness.

That is where my heart and mind must be focused if I am truly going to be still and experience God’s peace and presence in this storm.  Isn’t that beautiful?  I know these things, but it was so incredible to have it laid out so clearly in the Scriptures I just “happened” to read and almost didn’t!  I love it!!!

RELATED

Living a Consecrated Life

Waiting Becomes Sweet

Contentment in Christ Alone

My Secret Idol (a wife makes her husband’s salvation an idol)

61 thoughts on “Having God’s Peace in the Midst of the Storm

  1. Dear ‘Dryer incident’ wife! You are doing all the right things, if God is number one in your life and you are still and know that he is God, you can trust that he is on control and can speak to your husband. My husband has very recently come to know Jesus and he now comes to Church and is praying daily and God is speaking to him!! It is truly a miracle and i’ve found it difficult to get used to! I am still ‘being still’…..We still have ‘incidents’ I don’t think they will always happen, but hopefully they will become less and less. Sometimes my mind (the voice inside) tries to get me to remember ‘incidents’ from the past or gets me to think of my husband negatively. Sometimes its really hard not to go there, but I have to remember that he is a sinner just like me and that he is not perfect, but just to re-focus on his good points. xx

    1. Thank you so much for your powerful words of encouragement and prayers — they are so much needed and appreciated!

      Kelly – Thank you for the link to “While I’m Waiting” — a beautiful and powerful statement that I am claiming. I am only recently returning to Christian music and finding it so encouraging and uplifting. I listened to an interview with Christian artist Plumb (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylnx0NA9X4 – another great and fitting song!) where she speaks about how, during a period of crisis in her marriage, she began playing a Christian music radio station constantly in her home, even through the night and even when she wasn’t at home, because she realized how much Satan hates the name of Jesus and how powerful it was to live and rest in an environment of praise to Him.

      JuR – Praise God for your husband’s salvation!!!! God’s far-reaching and unfailing love and mercy for us lost sinners is truly miraculous! I pray for continued strength to be still in your storm (Isn’t it incredible how much hard work and effort it takes to be still?!) and for you and your husband to grow closer together as He draws you both to Himself.

  2. Praise God for this blog!! God brought me to it in His perfect timing… My husband and I have recently separated after being married for 12 years. At first my thinking was he needs to fall on his face and realize how selfish, Backslidden, and sinful he is! Well needless to say God through this ever painful trial has showed me just how controlling, disrespectful, and ungodly I’ve actually been! I literally drove a man who loves me and our beautiful 4 children right out the door!! I had put every expectation possible on this man! And when he failed me I tore him down with my words! I sucked the life out of a man who tried to please me in every way. Through this blog (which I jump out of bed get me some coffee and RUN to read😀) I have learned incredible things! Through this storm being still,staying in Constant prayer, and leaning on Gods word and un failing promises is the only way to get through the pain. Romans 8:28 promises ALL things will work together for good! Through dieng to self and having a humble spirit towards my husband who I’ve hurt soo deeply I feel these “walls” coming down. The enemy still plays mind games with me and my emotions.And puts constant doubt, hurt, and all the other lies he tries to throw at me. But I’ve learned to think on things that are pure and lovely and fight back! Some times seems easier than others. And every time I feel like I get my head above water another giant wave come crashing over me. I take it that the enemy is shaking in his boots and wants nothing more than to destroy my beautiful family and I fight back harder! This may sound weird but I take it as a compliment that the Devil would spend so much time on my family, he must feel threatened by what we can and will do for the KINGDOM!!! So while I’m in the storm, I will dig my heals in and spend time with my Jesus and all his beautiful and wonderful promises! I bring all my prayers, worries, hurt, and lay it at the cross BOLDLY! Praise God for this journey he has me on. He has me right where He wants me, in the palm of His hand!

    1. Faithful wife,

      I praise God for what He is doing in you!!!! Praying for His victory and healing for you, your husband and your family. I can’t wait to see all that He has in store for you!

    2. Faithful wife,

      I really look forward to reading this blog in the early morning, too! As soon as I make coffee, turn the heat up, and get dressed, I read this to receive–and sometimes offer–encouragement. The scriptural reminders and reading about how other wives are daily applying the Bible’s principles to their lives is SO uplifting, and makes me know I am not alone in this effort to be faithful to Christ.
      I feel so close to all of you, and know this is God’s provision for us. Keep fighting for your family against whatever trials come! Best wishes and love to you!

      1. Elizabeth,
        I praise God for this group of women and all that His Spirit is doing here! I’m so thankful for His power, His healing, His truth, His love, His mercy, His grace. Jesus is the greatest Treasure, that is for sure!

        1. Hey! Some men find this blog very edifying. I was truly thinking about asking you if you had more testimonies about separated saints. Wow! God is awesome. It hurts the mind to know that He already knew I’d come here! Anyway, the enemy is coming at my marriage from another angle. My Dad is irate with me for something I did. I am staying at his house and I must respect him -but it involves me helping my wife. Please send up a prayer for me. He still works and I will see him in a few minutes. Please pray for God to be glorified in our talks. ‘Crushedman’ MUST MUST decrease.

    3. “Through this storm being still, staying in constant prayer, and leaning on Gods word and unfailing promises is the only way to get through the pain.”

      AMEN!

      And the miracle of God’s peace in the midst of pain and chaos is truly mind-boggling! Sometimes I look at my situation and think, for a moment, that there must be something wrong with me that I’m even able to carry on each day, let alone feel joy and peace. But I know it is not of my own doing or ability — it’s totally God, sheltering me and carrying me through the storm. His peace truly does pass all understanding, mine included, by I am so thankful I can rest in it.

      I love your attitude about how threatened Satan must feel by your family in order to be attacking you so vehemently!

      And, YES – God has us right where He wants us! The Holy Spirit revealed another gem of truth and comfort to me from Psalm 16. Verse 2: “I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing.” The implication? That WITH the Lord, ALL things are good. Verse 5-6: “Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surly I have a delightful inheritance.” If our life circumstances are assigned and portioned specifically to us by our Lord and Creator, Who holds all in His hand, how can we but feel secure, knowing He controls every aspect of our situation (including Satan’s ability to tempt us) and the final result, our inheritance, will be for His glory and our good? All we have left to do is rejoice and rest secure in Him (v 9)!

  3. One of our battles as women is that we tend to rehearse things in our heads – the what if’s, the why didn’t I say this, the…I should have handled it this way, the “if he says this I am going to say this” – you get the picture. And so many times those around me get fairly agitated with me at being able to simply let things go and move on quickly instead of making an issue out of them. Over the years God has shown me what being a peacemaker is all about. I probably should address some areas more than I do, but I have begun thinking with an “eternal” mind rather than an “earthly or temporary” mind and that has helped me personally to keep my peace. In Psalm 23 we know that indeed there is a banquet table set before our enemies not to boast of what we have but to show others who Christ is and how he takes care of us and prayerfully draw them nigh. We cannot feed them from that table only Christ can, but we can certainly invite them to come and dine. I fully believe we have to choose our battles based on WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) At times he did get angry and he sinned not but the anger was at the sinful lifestyle. The enemy is always trying to disrupt and divide, at times that means we have to take a deep breath and walk away and the strongest argument can be simply silent prayer. Who is our neighbor (all in need) Who is our enemy – those who do not have a personal relationship with Christ and the hard part about this is that includes our loved ones. But we also remember we fight against the dark principalities in the spirit realm, not against each other. That is why prayer and constant communication with the Lord and listening to him is so important. Blessings in this journey and may the peace that this world will never understand surround and fill you as you abide in his presence.

    1. Wanda – Thank you for this. That is EXACTLY what my mind does! I’m not sure if it’s reassuring or disheartening to know that this is a struggled shared by other women. What a terrible curse sin has brought on us! I always thought our curse was merely pain in childbirth — THAT is NOTHING compared to the pain of battling our sinful desire to rule over our husbands (Gen 3:16 — Why is that aspect of the curse never taught? Or did I just miss it all these years?)

      Beautiful reference to Psalm 23. I have never heard it explained that way. It is so exciting to gain insights into God’s Word! Thank you for that!

      I had an insight from Psalm 23:1 not long ago. “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” This is not a passive statement about never being in want. It is a statement of faith about actively choosing to be content, and not just with the Lord’s provisions or even with His working in our lives, but to find all of our contentment IN Him alone.

    1. Elizabeth,

      I believe that you can! As you center your focus on pursuing God with all your heart and seeking Him above all else, and surrendering everything in your life fully to Him in trust – I believe He can and will speak to you through His Word. It can take time to get to that place. it did for me! But when we desire Him more than anything else, He is able to speak so clearly to us through the Bible.

      Praying for you today!

    2. The video won’t work on my computer. I know how to study it. I’ve taught many Bible studies. I’ve got the Logos software on my computer. He is just silent right now. I’ve felt close and felt loved by God before…just not now. I still keep reading. I spend a minimum of 30 minutes, sometimes more.

    3. Elizabeth, this comfort and assurance in God’s Word is all new to me. I grew up reading and memorizing the Bible, in a Christian home, church, and school. It was never alive to me before. My present storm has forced me to look to God alone and put all my trust in Him (though He is continually revealing to me ways that I am still holding back) and now, miraculously, I am able to look past the storm and to be thankful for it even, because of the blessing of hearing Him speak so clearly and tenderly and pointedly to me through His Word. Do not give up reading, dear sister! Pray, plead, wrestle with the Lord to receive His blessing (as Jacob did in Genesis 32). He will reward you. He is faithful and the Bible truly is a supernatural book, alive, sharper than any two-edged sword (Heb 4:12). But we cannot mine its depths in our own natural power. We MUST have the supernatural power and aid of the Holy Spirit to reveal the precious gems of truth God has stored for each of us there.

  4. This is soooo good! Getting our eyes on Jesus and our hearts and minds planted in HIS truth. It is so ALIVE! I often wake in night or morning and thoughts, memories and emotions swirl in me. I have trained myself to say “Jesus” in my mind a few times and picture His hand reaching out to me. I take it and we stroll in green pastures beside still waters. We bask in truth! It seems like a very real picture in my mind and soul. I have to be very intentional about what I think about. Blessings dear one!

    1. Another reference to Psalm 23 — beautiful! I love how you go to the green pastures (and still waters) in your mind and He is faithful to restore your soul! Blessings to you, as well!

  5. Thank you so much for your blog. I found this blog at a time when I needed it most. I can clearly identify with the comments of “Faithful Wife”. I drove my husband away as well. And in hindsight I can see how much he loved me and wanted to do everything to make me happy but I consistently criticized and found the wrong instead of appreciating the good. We are working on our relationship and I am fighting everyday to fight the demons and negative thoughts in my head. This message was perfect for me today as we have been in the midst of a storm not only because of our relationship but in addition to a recent critical illness of our son. It has been quite a challenge but through it all I am truly learning to trust God wholeheartedly. Not just in saying that I am but truly leaning and depending on Him daily because the situation for our son is totally under God’s control. I know all things should be and I am learning to leave things; all things in His hands. I have gotten so much from this blog and have been able to open my eyes to see myself and my sinful ways and for that I am ever so thankful to April and other contributors. I am working on myself daily. I am learning that I don’t have to have something to say about everything. I am learning to be quiet in a way to not to give the silent treatment but to be approachable and peaceful. I can recognize how when he used to ask me something and I would reply with a snide remark but now I am more amicable in my responses. Why could I have not been that way before?! But I thank God for now and for all He is doing in our lives to bring us both closer to Him. Thank you again. Please keep us and our family in your prayers.

    1. InSearchofPeace,

      What God is doing in your heart is so beautiful! I hate that things got so bad, but I praise God that He is able to heal, restore and create beauty from even the most difficult circumstances. I pray for healing for your son. And I pray for you to live in total surrender to Christ, filled with His Spirit and that your life might bring God great joy and that you might bless your husband in powerful ways as you continue to learn and grow. I pray for healing for your husband, his wounds and his relationship with Christ and for your marriage.

      I am so excited to see what God is going to do in you and through you! Please let us know how you are doing, precious sister!

    2. InSearchofPeace,
      Isn’t it amazing how God blesses us through our children? Not just because of the precious gifts that they are, but by using them to open our eyes to things we would never otherwise see. God recently revealed to me, through my children, ways in which I have been holding back, relying on myself rather than fully trusting Him. I am praying for the physical healing of your son and for the spiritual and emotional healing of your marriage and family. God bless!

  6. Beautiful, I can relate.

    I am presently away from my family: my husband and young children because of a transfer at work from where my family is based to another location. I hated this at first so very much that I wanted to resign But my hubby asked me to hold on, to wait! And out of respect for him and of course respect for GOD, I am waiting. It is not easy as I have fearful thots; my children’s safety, my husband’s fidelity(I know its not fair/right of me to think him unfaithful) but I do think and worry.
    I need to be still and wait for God’s peace and watch out for evil thoughts that only cause confusion. I will rejoice in God’s salvation, I will trust in God’s unfailing love and I will sing of His goodness, amen. Alleluia, praise the Lord…
    God bless you for your writings and sharing..
    Peace and love of Christ Jesus.

    1. Florence,

      I pray that God will empower you to be full of His Spirit, His courage, strength, love, purpose, peace and joy as you trust Him and seek to bless your husband in this time of trial. Yes, those evil thoughts are so destructive! We must all carefully monitor our thoughts and shoot down the sinful ones, replacing those lies, doubts and fears with the truth of God’s Word. 🙂

      I love your faith in God and your praise for Him!!!!! I can’t wait to see what He will do in your life. 🙂

    2. Florence,
      You are in a difficult situation and Satan is just itching to get a hold of you, filling your mind with doubts and deceit. I pray Philippians 4:4-9 for you! Peace, my sister!

  7. Thank you so much for posting this; my heart goes out to this sweet lady! I can relate to almost every single thing she said as I have been in a similar situation.

    To not be able to see what’s ahead is just agonizing. I remember the feeling of just wanting to SAY or DO the perfect thing that would immediately change my husband’s mind!

    The references to “being still” reminded me of an AHA! moment I had when my husband wanted to leave.

    I was listening to the radio and the pastor was talking about the Egyptians closing in on the Israelites after they escaped Egypt. Moses told them “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (exodus 14)

    It was so FREEING to know that the burden was not on my shoulders to say or do something “wise” or “clever” enough so that my husband would stay–I had to learn to place it all squarely in God’s hands!! Be steadfast in prayer and cling to Jesus and HE will fight for you!! How beautiful!!

    1. KD,

      Oh wow!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story!!! I love this. I think you are so right, it is not about you being wise or clever enough to get your husband to stay, it is about trusting God and allowing Him to work in our husbands’ hearts.

      Beautiful!!!!!

    2. Thank you, KD, for your compassion and encouragement. That’s just it — the pressure is always there in the back of my mind to say and do the “right” thing that will change my husband’s mind and actions, drawing him back to me. It is a constant battle to let this desire go, to not berate myself for not “fighting” for my husband’s affections.

      I have learned, often the hard way, that what I say and do in and of myself only causes more damage at this juncture in my marriage. When doubts and questions come into my mind and I start thinking, even asking God, “Should I say or do this…?” “How could he have done THAT? What am I to do now?” God’s answer is at the ready for me in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

      Thank you for sharing your insight from Exodus 14. I will look at that more closely. You are right that it is freeing to know that we don’t have to carry this burden — God never intended us to and is waiting for me to put it down and get out of His way so He can do the fighting for me!

      1. Thank you Cat for sharing more of your story and the amazing things God is teaching you through it! It was so encouraging to me this week and even though my situation is different, it was so applicable. My husband as well has emotionally checked out of our marriage, though for him it is due in part to an emotional affair that he’s having. There are other reasons for it as well I think. Some insight that I believe God has given me through a broadcast I heard was this, “You are not a fool to stay and be a part of a redemptive work in a mans life.” That is what I needed to hear, that I was not a fool! That is was good for me to fight for this marriage. But not by just trying to say or do the right things but like how you describe in this part of your post that I’ll quote below,

        “I am to stay still and wait, clinging to God’s promise to be with and bless me, not just despite but because of hardship. And that this being still has to extend to my heart and mind as well. I need to let go of my anxious thoughts and feelings, my flawed and inadequate attempts to change and improve things. How?

        Here’s the key: Trust in God’s unfailing love. Rejoice in His salvation. Sing of His goodness.

        That is where my heart and mind must be focused if I am truly going to be still and experience God’s peace and presence in this storm.”

        It’s really hard for me to not just try to ‘fix’ things! Or to think that I just have to be ‘better’ at this or at that. In my husbands eyes it’s all garbage to him right now. He can’t see anything good in me, or in our entire marriage or in life in general right now.

        I realize that I’ve been trying to make this all about me and our marriage. That’s actually not it at all. The real issue is a severed relationship with God, the real issue is hurt in my husbands life that he has never worked through. The real issue is that my husband is a broken man who needs to really KNOW and UNDERSTAND that God is not like his parents were. God is not a hard taskmaster, God does not demand perfection, God does not demand our love, God does not try to control us, God loves without conditions, His lover never fails!

        I need to stay still and wait so that God can speak, so God can work, so God can pursue him. Wow, that’s hard for me! But I can see that it’s so much better when I do!

        1. Melanie!

          PRAISE GOD!!!!!! YES!!!!!! You get it. The issue is that we all need God desperately. I am so excited about what God is showing you. I pray for Him to continue to empower you and to mold you to be more like Jesus and to use you as His partner to bless your husband. I pray for your husband’s salvation and healing in Christ and for God to heal your marriage and use it for His greatest glory!

          Much love!
          April

        2. Hi Melanie,

          Thank you for your words of wisdom, sharing what God is revealing to you. I find I need constant continual reminders of what I’m learning. It is good to hear it from other wives’ perspectives.

          Our stories are more similar that you might think. I believe I responded to one of your comments in a recent post (“Am I hard-hearted?”). My husband, too, is involved in an emotional affair. You said: “In my husbands eyes it’s all garbage to him right now. He can’t see anything good in me, or in our entire marriage or in life in general right now.” I could say that about my situation, too. Everything I say and do, even if I’m silent, he views as manipulation. In a sense, it makes it a little easier to stop trying to “fix” things since I know, from experience, that my words and actions just cause more damage. But you are so right that it is so hard to be still and wait on God. Today was not a good day for me in being still, but it reinforces how much I want to be because I couldn’t tolerate feeling so agitated.

          I love the part of the broadcast you quoted that describes this journey for us as being “part of a redemptive work in a man’s life” — that is beautiful! Thank you for sharing that. I will keep that in mind on days when I’m feel discouraged. This is about my husband’s redemption and I am blessed to be a part of it and have a front row seat to witness God’s amazing grace & power!

          I am praying for you. I hope that we can walk this painful road together, supporting and keeping each other accountable.

          1. Thanks Cat, It helps to walk through this with other women that understand! I appreciate your heart and your willingness and desire to encourage the women on here. Yes, let’s walk this road together! I am praying for you and your husband!

          2. Cat, since you mentioned it, I realized that I had missed your comment under the post, (Am I hard-hearted?). I checked it out today and responded over there too!

  8. I really liked this too. Very encouraging. I needed the part about how waiting isn’t trying to analyze and interpret my husband’s every move. I’m finding that difficult. I just want to see that something is happening so it’s easy to want to do that. My husband is a believer but seems to be far from the Lord and recently I noticed he started listening to Christian music again and then today he brought a christian book to work. I want to take these as signs but this helped me to remember to let God work and for me to wait.

  9. Yes, let us agree with one another in prayer, claiming the powerful promise of Matthew 18:19!

  10. Jeanne, Praise God for the signs of some fruit in your husbands life! Keep your eyes on God and let Him do the fighting! I’m realizing that my part of the battle is in prayer for my husband and children and for others on this journey. God bless!

    1. Cat, Thank you for the encouragement. I was just reading your comment to Melanie above about how you pointed out the part of “everything is garbage to him right now”. I’m in that place too. My husband thinks me trying to save our marriage is manipulation and he thinks the reason we aren’t fighting as much is manipulation too. I understand where he’s coming from, but its so hard to just let him think that.

      1. Jeanne,

        I have a post about this very issue coming tomorrow! 🙂

        It is hard to not try to make him see that you are changing for real. But – he will see that in time as you continue to seek God and allow God to transform you. This requires MUCH patience! He may doubt now. That is normal. And it is ok. It will help you to keep refining your motives so that you are only doing this for Jesus alone. That is actually a huge blessing!

        Much love!

        1. I can’t wait to read that one! I know it will take time before he trusts my motives and I’m okay with that. I like how you’ve pointed out before that it would be nice if they knew how hard this was for us as wives. I also understand how if this was easy I wouldn’t make the transformation that I need to make in order to be obedient to Christ. Its all a process.

      2. How right you are, Jeanne, that it is so hard not to defend ourselves, trying to prove to our husbands that our motives are “pure,” that we are not just trying new ways to control and change them. I’ve realized that there is nothing I can say that doesn’t come across to my husband as manipulation and, if I remain silent, he views that as “garbage” too. I can’t win!

        But, I’m also learning that this is part of the process of being still and waiting on God. If I’m trying to defend myself and my motives, then my motives really aren’t so “pure” after all because I’m selfishly thinking of me (not wanting to be misunderstood, misrepresented, thought of as wrong and bad; but trying to prove my worth and good). I’m also not waiting on God, but trying to take things into my own hands instead when I open my mouth in my own defense. I believe this is a sinful attitude that I need to repent and squash in His power.

        This is a verse I repeat to myself often at those times when I feel the need to defend myself: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14).

        It seems that if we want to take our defense into our own hands, God will let us, but we certainly do a pretty poor job of it compared to what He will do. I, in fact, fail miserably each and every time on my own.

        Psalm 37 is a powerful and beautiful description of God’s desire and ability to defend us when we commit our ways to and trust Him fully.

        1 Peter 5:10 holds another beautiful promise to cling to when we are tempted to run ahead of God, instead of waiting through the pain:

        “After you have suffered a little while, our God, who is full of kindness through Christ, will give you His eternal glory. He personally will come and pick you up, and set you firmly in place, and make you stronger than ever.”

        Isn’t that beautiful? I love it! There is so much hope in God’s Word if we are willing to seek it out and hold onto it for dear life. Much love & prayers for you, Jeanne.

        April, I can’t wait for tomorrow’s post, too! The truths you share fill me with hope. You are right that this time of waiting on our husbands allows us to refine our motives. I know for a fact, that if my husband was willing to forgive me and reconcile, that my focus would then be on my relationship with him instead of with God. That would be peril because with a solid foundation in God, my marriage and everything else I attempt to do on my own is doomed to fail. Praise God that He is so much wiser than us and loves us enough to let us suffer. What a strong and loving Father He is!

        1. Cat,
          You are most welcome!

          I have a post about “Defending Myself No More” that may be helpful. 🙂

          It is hard to embrace suffering – that is not our American/Western modern mindset at all! But – suffering and trouble are “God’s servants” as E.M. Bounds says in his books about prayer. They do God’s bidding in our lives and chisel and mold and refine and prune us to make us more like Jesus. That is the ultimate good God is after! Our holiness and faithfulness to Himself.

          God is so very good. He gives us good gifts, even when we don’t always appreciate the discipline part until later.

          Much love!

        2. Cat, thanks for the response! I love Exodus 14:14 and I’m going to check out Psalm 37. Thanks for pointing out those scriptures. I was remembering a scripture about how God will make our innocence shine and I went to search for it and it turns out it is Psalm 37: 6 – He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
          and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.

          I’m also finding its a lot of motive checking right now. I really do want to lean into God and let him change me and get out of His way.

          1. April, Thanks, I will check out that post, too!
            Jeanne, I’m glad you found that verse in Psalm 37 and I pray that God will speak to you through the whole chapter when you are able to read it. You’re right — motive checking is constant! As April has said, it helps us realize that we really cannot do this in our own power, but must lean on Christ for everything.

  11. Dear peaceful Wife,
    I also am on a journey to get a hold of my anxious thoughts that come some so often to take me over and cause me to go into fight mode. I realized that sometimes I am fearful of different things, such as my husband putting other things before me it makes me argue and become disturbed. I am learning Instead to operate in God’s peace, waiting and believing and Loving God for my satisfaction. In my earlier years of being married I found the secret that a quiet spirit goes farther than my confrontations, but to not grow tired and continue in the good works is where I fell short. I thank God for his forgiveness and mercy to start again, I believe we will win if we trust Jesus.

  12. It is hard to put it all in Gods hands, but that’s what we have to do. God has to work in us first before he can work in our husbands. My husband left in May of last year, he wanted a divorce. I turned to God, MY HUSBAND turned to drinking and friends who are either divorced or in bad relationships. We barely talking all last summer and into the fall. Everything has a time, I was served with divorce papers and had made up mind based on my husbands continued actions that I would sign the papers I received and any other papers , that was October 10. Remember that date;). On October 11, my husband came in to talk and asked for my forgiveness, which I gave him. Then he asked if he could come home. I welcomed him home with open arms. There have been moments but everything is going well!!! So please have faith that things will work out in Gods time not ours!!!!

    1. Timelesstreasures,
      Thank you so much for sharing your story!!!! Wow! I love hearing how God works in seemingly hopeless situations. This is so beautiful!!!!!! Praise God!

  13. Recently I was heard someone who was talking about Josephs life as well. In it the author pointed out that when we read the story of Joseph we should actually try doing it over the actual length of time that it occurred in Josephs life. This would have been a few decades in real time!. I think so often I can read that story and think well, SEE, it all worked out for Joseph and look what came out of all of his trials. Because I can read the story in a couple of hours from start to finish, it doesn’t hit me the magnitude of his hardship. He had so many years of not knowing! So many years where life was not what he would have imagined. But from all indications, even after year after year of no hope of his life getting better, he didn’t stay bitter, he didn’t stay angry, he didn’t stop living, he didn’t blame God. He chose to continue to live a life of integrity wherever he was, with no assurance that he would have ANY earthly reward. I actually find this story encouraging and convicting. I desire to face the challenges in my life with that same integrity and his story encourages me to press on. But as well I’m convicted because I think, ‘how on earth would I be able to survive years or even decades of such hurt and such pain. I wonder if I have it in me to press on and press on and press on, never knowing. It goes back to my motive of course as it always does…. 🙂 You’re right, God will use all these trials for our good and His glory! Amen to that!

    1. That’s a great point to keep in mind, Melanie. Thank you for sharing that. And remember, you DEFINITELY have it in you to press on and press on because you have the Holy Spirit in you and you have God’s grace and strength sufficient for each new day because when we are we, it is then that we are truly strong! (2 Cor 12:9-10) That is my mantra to get through some days, I just keep repeating and reminding myself that His grace is sufficient.

  14. Ladies,
    Please listen to David Platt’s sermons, as many as you can!

    “The Cross and Suffering” is excellent!

    “Who Is God”

    “Marriage, Family, Sex and the Gospel”

    “Don’t Waste Your Life” – here is a link to the 2nd part of this series. How I pray you will have time to listen to it! IT IS SO GOOD!
    [youtube

    1. I second this! I just finished watching the “Cross and Suffering” series, at your previous recommendation, and was so blessed by it. There’s a lot of good solid meat to digest in his sermons — by the time I finished the final part I felt like I needed to start over and listen to it again to glean more truth. I discovered they offer study guides and other resources on their website, too: Thank you for introducing me to David Platt.

  15. Cat – do you go to church without him or do you stay home? I know that I have made things worse in this area with my words…I have in others as well.

  16. On the same subject of husbands and going to church. I have recently decided since he has stopped going that I will go but not ever week. My husband has seen that my church going over the years has been at times legalistic. He is in a period of questioning everything about his faith and the church. I want him to see that I have grown in this area because I have! I want him to see that I can be a woman of faith and that I can grow in that faith. I want him to see that God doesn’t want our ‘sacrifices’, He wants us! I want him to see that we don’t have to ‘do’ for God to be accepted by Him. And that includes going to church. He has no problem with me going or with me taking our kids so that’s not an issue for us. I just am letting God refine my motives in every area of my life, including why I’m going to church.

    1. Praying that you will be sensitive to God’s leading as you seek to bless and honor your husband, Melanie. And that you will clearly reflect Christ to him.

      1. Thanks for praying Cat! I need to continually stop and just be with God so that I don’t stagnate in one place, even in a previous leading of God. Just because He’s lead me somewhere doesn’t mean I’m to stay there!

  17. I believe that God will and already is using you to speak healing to others. Yes, when your marriage is healed, what a beautiful testimony it will be to God’s healing power! Yet, even now, in your brokenness, His full power and strength are able to shine through you. Thank you for being such a blessing! xo

    2 Cor 12:9-10 “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

    1 Cor 1:27 “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: