A Question for the Husbands

Here is a comment on yesterday’s post after RG, a single Christian man, shared a bit about how men must “die to self” in the process of dating and marrying a wife. His insights are very powerful and I believe will help wives to begin to understand a bit more about what Christian husbands and men experience as they seek to love and lead their wives in godly ways.

Here is a fantastic question from one of the wives for the men:

I would be interested in learning more about what men go through when they are in that process of dying to self, and what it means for them.

April, you mentioned in another post how we cannot expect our husbands to understand how excruciating the process is of giving up leadership and control over our lives, and humbling ourselves. It is very easy, for us to see and feel our own “death”, in submission, in becoming a mother and putting husband and family above our own wishes and desires, every moment of every day. Although I can make guesses, I find I am a lot more blind to how this “death” occurs in the other half, and what men go through in becoming husbands and fathers. That is sad. I wonder if we understood more, if we, as wives, could be a lot more compassionate when our men are going through these challenges, or more easily have patience to wait and welcome them during some of the times we feel less of their love. Could it also help us fight the temptation to doubt or feel resentful of our husbands when things seem less than fair in our eyes? Might there be some men who would be willing to open our eyes up to this a little more?


We do not understand your perspective, the way you think, your world, your priorities, your struggles, your feelings, your needs, your emotions and the challenges you face as men in today’s culture, in the church and in marriage.

One of my goals with this blog is to help close the gap between wives and husbands and to help wives understand their husbands’ masculine world because when we as women can understand your struggles, temptations, concerns, wisdom and perspective and how very differently you think from us – we are able to have much greater compassion, respect and empathy and we are better able to cooperate with your godly leadership.

I would love to invite the husbands to share their answers to these important questions my reader asked. I hope to share some of the answers in a post so that the women can have a chance to better understand our brothers in Christ and our own husbands.