I am so excited to share this wife’s story. God blesses me with stories like this on a daily basis. This is what makes ministering to women SO exciting. I LOVE seeing God work in people’s lives, in marriages and in families. It just never gets old. This wife’s story will bless you. Enjoy!
On New Year’s Eve, we went to a nearby city to the Catholic Book Store (I needed the January edition of the Magnificat). My husband spent almost a half an hour talking to a nun and ended up buying a Bible. He said he has been reading a lot lately about his role as the husband and the readings always quote the Bible and he wanted to be able to look it up for himself. I take it for granted with my upbringing that I can quote scripture somewhat and have read much of the Bible. He has not. While he has always attended church with us and joins in prayer at dinner, it has always been me that had led the spiritual upbringing of our family and home.
What has brought about this whole change in him? Later at dinner I asked.
So here is where I share with you a HUGE secret but I am bursting to tell people but if I do they will think I am freeking crazy! On October 1st, after about 2 years of research and dancing around the idea of what a Biblical marriage is supposed to be (where the husband is the head and the wife is the body), I submitted.
- I stopped arguing with him.
- I stopped telling him how to do it and when to do it and why to do it.
I used to be so frustrated b/c my husband did not lead. I had to do all the scheduling and decision making- from what was for dinner to how I was going to get our many children to 9 different places all at the same time while he was working. And he, with his passive personality (and a lot of emotional baggage from his first marriage), was more than willing to let me.
However, it was not working because he felt left out and I felt overburdened.
At first we tried to resolve this by weekly scheduling meetings on Sunday evenings to share calendars and reminders and generally plan the week. We thought that “we” must not be connecting because we were not communicating. But what became apparent is that I was removing him from decisions.
He was coming home to find 18 extra kids at our house (our house tends to be the gathering place) and all he wanted to do was get a heads up or even the opportunity to say “Not tonight- I need some peace”. After talking a lot about this in September (My husband thought it was a phase…) I handed him the check book (which he already took care of but I mucked up by spending whatever I wanted and thankfully we have good jobs that I can do this but it usually left him scrambling to move money from here to there so nothing bounces- another issue we went round and round about) and said “you lead”.
What we have found out is that when I started allowing him to be the decision maker (my new phrase is “ask your father”) he feels more involved and I feel less stressed.
Bottom line is-
- I don’t nag.
- I don’t demand.
- I don’t lead.
- I look to him to make the major decisions.
- I don’t schedule social events without consulting him.
- I don’t say, “Yes,” to the kids’ every desire without running it by him.
- I don’t commit his time or family time without face time and discussion with him personally.
This is not to say I am still not opinionated… I still am who I am. I am still a strong take charge person.
- But he leads prayer before dinner.
- He tells the kids what the tasks might be for the day.
- He (big deal here) leads in the relationship with his parents (big bone of contention for me as I felt like I was always trying to bridge a gap that neither they nor him felt like bridging… so now I say “I will have to talk to your son” when his mother asks about something).
Because of this, he has felt more part of the family and more like a man.
I have felt less stressed and more peaceful. And I speak less (because I am not nagging- haha).
Now this has not been all smooth sailing. We have had our ups and downs where I have stepped back into the “all knowing Mommy ruler” role and he as been all too happy to sit back and watch. This usually happens when he does not make a decision quick enough… (he is working on his reaction time)… so I jump right in and make that decision for him… (I am working on patience).
After 3 months we have realized it is not a phase and the outcome has been I have reconnected with my husband and HE IS SEEKING THE LORD AS HE LOOKS INTO HOW TO BE A STRONG LEADER TO OUR FAMILY (so he bought a Bible).
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??????
Can you believe that because I said “I will shut up and let you be a leader” that my husband is seeking the Lord? That he went to Mass alone when the rest if the family was out of town?! That he bought a Bible? When I finally shut up, he could hear God (and that is amazing).
So there you have it.
It seems nuts but I have to say, I have never been more happy or at peace. It is simply beautiful.
God’s wisdom works, my precious sisters. It worked really quickly in this case! WOW!
I am actually NOT at all surprised that her husband is seeking God now and that he is leading. This is almost always the result, in time, when a wife obeys God and seeks to be the woman and wife He calls us to be.
What a beautiful story! I am so glad this sister of ours was willing to share!