An email I received from a dear wife. LOVE this. I receive a lot of emails in this same vein. Many wives say things like, “I hated you and I loved you.” The stuff I share is HARD to hear. We aren’t used to being confronted with our sin as women. That is PAINFUL. And we aren’t used to obeying God’s commands for us as wives many times. It doesn’t make sense to our sinful nature or our logic to do what God says to do. In fact, His commands are counter-intuitive, counter-cultural and totally un-politically correct. And yet, God’s way works. His wisdom is infinitely higher than our own. Thank you to this precious sister in Christ for allowing me to share:
I was looking for something totally unrelated to your blog and ran across it-I really don’t know why I am contacting you, but hear me out. This is not a negative email, but it may look that way at first.
I am a Christian wife and mom.
Now, I have read Laura Doyle’s “The Surrendered Wife” book – incidentally it was actually stolen along with my little red prayer book from my workbag one night when I’d left the van unlocked. Someone must really have been in need. Anyway, I digress.
A few years ago I read her book and also did a challenge for 30 days. At the end of all the encouraging emails and texts and effort I put in with my husband that month (I felt quite proud of myself and was certain he would also), all he said was
“You did all that because someone in a book told ya to?”
I was livid – plus hurt and betrayed and at that moment I was DONE with all the surrendering. Let’s just say I reverted big time.
I had been arguing and fussing and nasty to my husband and being a holiday coming up, my disrespectful behavior was out in full force. Everything that didn’t go my way seemed to be my hubby’s fault, why couldn’t he just see that?
Monday I stumbled upon and read your blog, and
I read as far as I could stand it. My initial feelings were revulsion and disbelief.
- I couldn’t believe this just popped up when I wasn’t even looking for it, and who cares about this “Peaceful” wife and her playing the doormat for her husband?
I set my tablet aside in disgust and refused to read anymore.
Wednesday was bad and Thursday was worse. I complained and fussed and was generally unbearable most of the holiday morning. I can see this clearly now for some reason. I even called my mom to complain, she was Christian and loving enough to correct me right then and there. After speaking with my mom, I felt bad – but not like condemned bad.
I felt convicted.
I didn’t rehash everything with my husband, but I went to him and apologized. I told him I was totally ashamed at my behavior and I would work on it. He graciously and lovingly held me and whispered that everything was alright.
We ended up having a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. That night, I started to analyze events over the past week. For some reason, I picked up my tablet again and read more of the blog.
I began to see that this wasn’t me and my hubby as much as it was me and God. About my inability to trust God.
If anyone asked me, I would say God gave me my husband, made just for me.
- So did I or did I not believe God?
- Was I really so prideful that I couldn’t see any other way but my way?
- Just what was I so afraid of that I try to control everything to save my feelings and what I thought was right?
I began to see that when I was anxious and complaining and afraid things wouldn’t turn out like I wanted, I wasn’t trusting God. Wow. Just like that. So I was being prideful, willful, arrogant. I hadn’t realized I was behaving in opposition to the way the Lord wanted me to. I hadn’t before grasped the seriousness of that thought. I thought I was being a great Christian and quite frankly, my husband was the one who should be working to get right. When I read this line in the about section of your blog “Apparently, I was extremely spoiled, selfish and spiritually immature but I didn’t know I was“, I felt as if that was written about me!
- How could I not have known?
It wasn’t revealed to me until that moment, when I unconsciously had cried out to God that I wasn’t happy, He showed me why I was unhappy and gave me the means to start anew.
So my initial feelings did turn into shame, but morphed into resolve.
I began to see that I didn’t go about surrendering before for the right reasons. Then I wanted pats on the back, I wanted to feel like a “superior being” endeavoring to be good to my inferior husband because I was so “good” and he was “so beneath me,” really.
Now I want to be the wife God wants me to be since he gave me this husband just for me. I just wanted to tell you how I almost cannot put into words the feeling for God this revelation gives me. How He loves me enough to give me the understanding about this. The wisdom He has I cannot fathom but me coming across your blog written in a way that I can identify with at just the right moment feels so awesome. It feels how “right” feels. I know this was a long email but I felt like I had to tell someone and I felt like you would understand. I am on the right path now, I think and just wanted to let you know how God used your blog to help me when I needed it.
Thanks so much for listening (reading).
What an incredible answer to my prayers to see God change women’s hearts, bring them to conviction and true repentance and then see them set out on God’s narrow path that leads to life! WOOHOO! It just doesn’t get any better than this!