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“Your Blog Made Me SO Angry!”

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An email I received from a dear wife.  LOVE this.  I receive a lot of emails in this same vein.  Many wives say things like, “I hated you and I loved you.”  The stuff I share is HARD to hear.  We aren’t used to being confronted with our sin as women.  That is PAINFUL.  And we aren’t used to obeying God’s commands for us as wives many times.  It doesn’t make sense to our sinful nature or our logic to do what God says to do.  In fact, His commands are counter-intuitive, counter-cultural and totally un-politically correct.  And yet, God’s way works.  His wisdom is infinitely higher than our own.  Thank you to this precious sister in Christ for allowing me to share:

I was looking for something totally unrelated to your blog and ran across it-I really don’t know why I am contacting you, but hear me out. This is not a negative email, but it may look that way at first.

I am a Christian wife and mom.

Now, I have read Laura Doyle’s “The Surrendered Wife” book – incidentally it was actually stolen along with my little red prayer book from my workbag one night when I’d left the van unlocked. Someone must really have been in need.  Anyway, I digress.

A few years ago I read her book and also did a challenge for 30 days.  At the end of all the encouraging emails and texts and effort I put in with my husband that month (I felt quite proud of myself and was certain he would also), all he said was

“You did all that because someone in a book told ya to?”

I was livid – plus hurt and betrayed and at that moment I was DONE with all the surrendering. Let’s just say I reverted big time.  

I had been arguing and fussing and nasty to my husband and being a holiday coming up, my disrespectful behavior was out in full force. Everything that didn’t go my way seemed to be my hubby’s fault, why couldn’t he just see that?

Monday I stumbled upon and read your blog, and

I read as far as I could stand it. My initial feelings were revulsion and disbelief.  

  • I couldn’t believe this just popped up when I wasn’t even looking for it, and who cares about this “Peaceful” wife and her playing the doormat for her husband?

I set my tablet aside in disgust and refused to read anymore.

Wednesday was bad and Thursday was worse.  I complained and fussed and was generally unbearable most of the holiday morning.  I can see this clearly now for some reason. I even called my mom to complain, she was Christian and loving enough to correct me right then and there.  After speaking with my mom, I felt bad – but not like condemned bad.

I felt convicted.  

I didn’t rehash everything with my husband, but I went to him and apologized.  I told him I was totally ashamed at my behavior and I would work on it.  He graciously and lovingly held me and whispered that everything was alright.

We ended up having a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner.  That night,  I started to analyze events over the past week.  For some reason, I picked up my tablet again and read more of the blog.

I began to see that this wasn’t me and my hubby as much as it was me and God.  About my inability to trust God.  

If anyone asked me, I would say God gave me my husband, made just for me.

  • So did I or did I not believe God?
  • Was I really so prideful that I couldn’t see any other way but my way?
  • Just what was I so afraid of that I try to control everything to save my feelings and what I thought was right?

I began to see that when I was anxious and complaining and afraid things wouldn’t turn out like I wanted, I wasn’t trusting God.  Wow.  Just like that. So I was being prideful, willful, arrogant. I hadn’t realized I was behaving in opposition to the way the Lord wanted me to.  I hadn’t before grasped the seriousness of that thought.  I thought I was being a great Christian and quite frankly, my husband was the one who should be working to get right.  When I read this line in the about section of your blog “Apparently, I was extremely spoiled, selfish and spiritually immature but I didn’t know I was“, I felt as if that was written about me!

  • How could I not have known?

It wasn’t revealed to me until that moment, when I unconsciously had cried out to God that I wasn’t happy, He showed me why I was unhappy and gave me the means to start anew.

So my initial feelings did turn into shame, but morphed into resolve.

I began to see that I didn’t go about surrendering before for the right reasons. Then I wanted pats on the back, I wanted to feel like a “superior being” endeavoring to be good to my inferior husband because I was so “good” and he was “so beneath me,” really.

Now I want to be the wife God wants me to be since he gave me this husband just for me.  I just wanted to tell you how I almost cannot put into words the feeling for God this revelation gives me. How He loves me enough to give me the understanding about this.  The wisdom He has I cannot fathom but me coming across your blog written in a way that I can identify with at just the right moment feels so awesome.  It feels how “right” feels. I know this was a long email but I felt like I had to tell someone and I felt like you would understand.  I am on the right path now, I think and just wanted to let you know how God used your blog to help me when I needed it.

Thanks so much for listening (reading).

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

PRAISE GOD!

What an incredible answer to my prayers to see God change women’s hearts, bring them to conviction and true repentance and then see them set out on God’s narrow path that leads to life!  WOOHOO!  It just doesn’t get any better than this! 

35 thoughts on ““Your Blog Made Me SO Angry!”

  1. Peacefulwife April’s blog really convicted me. I felt so ashamed of my sins and yet so thankful the Lord opened my eyes to my real self — my prideful, arrogant, controlling self. Thank you April! Much love to you precious sister in Christ! 🙂

    1. Veronica,

      Conviction is VERY painful! But necessary for us to begin to become the women God desires us to be. I’m so glad God is at work in your heart, Veronica! What He is doing is so beautiful. Much love to you, too, my sweet sister! 🙂

  2. What a blessing!
    Your recent posts, and your whole blog is an inspirational encouragement, and I believe you are in the right place.
    May you remain a humble, willing vessel for the Lord to use for His glory….

    Never grow weary in doing good!

    x Hannah

  3. Dear PW,

    Does this mean that when we disagree with dh and end up fussing, we don’t trust God?

    Because if we did trust the Lord, we would be happy either way, whether we get our way or not?

    1. Yas,

      It can mean that!

      We have to check our motives. Then we can rest in God’s sovereignty and be content even when we don’t get our way. Yep! That is called dying to self. 🙂

      1. Philippians 4:11-13 is a good thing to meditate on, Yas.

        for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

        I believe I can also translate this to be I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation in my marriage, whether I feel well loved or feel starved for loved by my husband, whether I have what I want, or I do not get my way! whether my husband is meeting my needs or not… I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!!!!

      2. Big OUCH!!!!!!!

        But so true. I am thinking, in the past, when dh and I disagreed, sometimes, he was right, sometimes, I was right.

        But, now, I wonder, was it worth the fight. Maybe not.

        Second, all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. So, at the end of the day, all should be fine.

        But, like I said, it’s hard.

        Yea, I’ll go meditate! Thanks.

        1. Yas,

          Yes – this part is painful. But I can tell you there are things I battled over where I was so sure I was “right” that weren’t that big a deal in the grand scheme of life. I cost myself dearly in lost intimacy and lost unity in my marriage. It was not worth it!

          It’s fine to share your heart, your views, your desires, dreams and goals with God and with your husband. But when Christ is our Lord – we cling tightly to Him and we hold everything else loosely – seeking His will above our own. 🙂

          It is a lot to absorb.

          Much love to you!

    2. Yas –

      I’m learning – ever so slowly! – that there is a difference between calm disagreement and fussing at hubby. Last night hubby and I were having a discussion where he had to relay information for me from someone else and that information was frustrating. Without getting into boring details, a youth theater program that our church has “sponsored” (aka – let us use space in the building for!) for the last three years is being taken over by a new theater organization in town that is better equipped to handle the fundraising and marketing needed. These are things that no one in the church has ever stepped up to help with despite numerous requests from yours truly. Now that another organization is willing to take ALL of that off my plate and let me simply direct, there are suddenly all sorts of concerns about the management of the program.

      In the past, I would have let myself just go, venting all over the place and letting all my frustration land SQUARELY on hubby. I nearly went there again last night. Hubby and I had spent the entire weekend away together and I was about to ruin it OVER SOMETHING SOMEONE ELSE DID.

      I stopped talking for a moment to clear my throat and in that moment realized that I was fussing at the wrong person. He is completely with me on shifting the management of the program over to a group of people more committed and passionate. He was simply the messenger. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m sorry for taking this out on you. I’m not angry with you; you were simply delivering a message.” I was then able to calmly listen while he explained what this other person had said and I was able to calmly explain why I was so frustrated with the sudden interest in control. Hubby felt like this person’s request that a church member be considered for the board was reasonable and I told him directly that I did not agree – if they had wanted to do the things the board would be doing for the program, they should have stepped sometime in the last three years when I was asking for that kind of help. We have yet to see completely eye to eye on this issue but we both got a chance to be heard. He knows I don’t agree that the request was reasonable and will not be nominating anyone in the church for membership on the board. He also knows that if he truly believes it is that important he will need to approach the board members themselves and make the suggestion.

      Fight avoided, peaceful night ensued, all while not agreeing with his stand on an issue.

      1. Moj8668,

        You were both heard! THAT IS AWESOME!

        I love this story. Thank you so much for sharing. 🙂

        How wonderful to get to both share your points of view and not have to fight about it – and then enjoy a peaceful evening. How wonderful! 🙂

      2. What amazes me the most is that I know we still see the issue from two different viewpoints but I don’t feel threatened! Obviously I’ve learned to listen better and see that his stance on the issue has nothing to do with how he feels about me!

  4. I myself did not how or what I was going to do to stop all the horrible things & ways I was treating my husband. I have only been reading peaceful woman’s blog 4 about a month. And I can proudly say I saw alot of what she says true to my behavior, its like looking in a mirror! I have been applying these methods & strategy to my God & my husband. I am becoming& beginning to be a more calmer & respectful wife. I still have a ways to go but you are helping me more than you will ever know & I want to thank you…

  5. Darn it, April,

    You ruined my mascara!!! I was trying to read this real quick before hubby & I head out for the day, but I couldn’t even get through it! Now I’m a mess. . .please pray for composure. . .

      1. 🙂 Ha! Yes, you do!
        Really, though, the Lord reminded me that this is NOT a subject to be taken lightly, or read through quickly, as I was trying to do. Lesson learned! I can’t say enough thank-yous for the deep soul food that nourishes me daily through your blog 🙂 Much love back atcha!

        1. fallenshort,

          You are most welcome! 🙂

          And you are so right – this cannot be rushed through. It is DEEP, soul-changing, life-changing stuff that goes to the deepest parts of our understanding of God and ourselves. God’s truth has been ignored so long in our culture – but it is time that we hear it and apply it now. 🙂

  6. I truly love this post. It reminds me that it is never about us but about our relationship and submission to our most amazing God who truly is our Jehovah Jireh in every way. I posted a nugget from one of your other blog comments the other day that really hit home with me…. Love is a decision, not an emotion. It quickly brought to mind that our emotions are fickle or as the world would define as bi-polar in the ups and downs. But the love of God is steadfast, secure, and everlasting and nothing can separate us from God’s love. This is the true love we hold on to in our marriages whether they are wonderful or broken. God will always see us through and teach us to live in peace inside no matter our circumstances and we indeed keeping speaking life into our situations and thank the Lord for family and friends who love us enough to correct us in the truth of the Word. If we are honest with ourselves there is no doubt when the Holy Spirit’s discernment is at work in his correction – and it sure does not feel good. But again, its not about our feelings its about our decisions. God is always at work in our lives when we invite him in. Wonderful, wonderful post.

    1. Wanda,

      I get so many posts like this. I always get a good chuckle when women start out very negatively. I have seen it so much that I usually know what is coming. 🙂

      This precious sister of mine heard God’s voice. This is what it is like so many times when God speaks. It is painful. We don’t want to hear it. But praise God that He loves us enough to give us what is BEST instead of just what we think we want.

      I am so thankful this wife has a godly mom and that she was willing to speak the truth in love to her daughter when I am sure it would be tempting to just sympathize instead. And what grace her husband had for her!

      I am also extremely thankful that this wife was willing to share her Thanksgiving week journey with us. I know many wives will be touched and challenged to seek God more deeply.

      It truly is all about God.

      Thanks for your comment! 🙂

  7. Shame is the sound sin makes as it leaves your life. Shame is Satan’s last-ditch effort to hurt you as he is being tossed out on the street, hurling a last insult over his shoulder at you.

    Shame should not last more than a moment, to be replaced with the knowledge that we are sanctified through Christ, and old things have passed away.

    The Lord is more eager to forget our sin than we are. The Lord sees sin in His children the way a parent sees a physical illness in their child. He hates how it harms us.

    Even at our best, we are far short of Christ’s perfection, so just as there is no room for boasting, we should make no room for shame. Thank God I am defined by Christ and not myself.

    1. Jack, thank you so much for these words of wisdom. I love the word picture it paints. This speaks to my heart in a profound way. God Bless!!!

  8. This is exactly my story. I was so tired of struggling with my unresponsive husband and i literally cried out to God to help me, because i did not know how i could go on. Short time later i googled “how to get your husband to love you again” (how self-righteous!!). And guess what, i found your website. What a revelation to find out about my own sin! I felt so ashamed. But its all getting better now that i surrendered to God. Thanks for your website, peaceful wife!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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