From my wonderful friend, Kayla (at www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com), who has been on this journey with me now since Sept of 2012. She is the one who wrote the now-famous post on my site, “My Demon.”
Today’s post is amazing.
But for the wives who are struggling – this may be hard to read. Please keep in mind that this is over a year into this wife’s journey. But each wife has her own unique story – each husband does, too. The timing and results we must leave to God. Our job is to keep Christ on the throne and seek to please and obey Him no matter what the cost and no matter what the results we see at the moment.
You might have noticed, my posts are a little farther apart than normal. Let me tell you, NOTHING is normal in my house right now. First of all, it’s that time of year where I’m going crochet crazy (actually offering a deal right now Nov 1 – 15 ALL HATS are only $8.00 – click here to view.) So I have less free time the months of November and December BUT that’s not the major change.
I’m unsure how to write this post. It’s hard to gather all my thoughts because there are so many and in all my best efforts to start the rough draft for this in my head, like I normally do, I can’t seem to get it all to come together.
Something happened in my husband, and it’s throwing my world upside down. You all know how I feel about this man. I write on here often that he’s a good man, a great provider, an awesome Dad, a faithful husband, and he loves God. So, please don’t read this post as if some dead beat man is no longer acting like a loser. That couldn’t be father from the truth. But – he certainly is acting, different.
I’ve mentioned before that my love language is gifts. That can be in the form of unexpected, kind words, (especially in front of others) completing a project or task I would like done with excitement instead of reluctantly, cards or love letters, my favorite candy, or of course – presents both small and big.
My husband’s love language is touch. And no, not simply sexual touch. Things like me leaning up against him, reaching for his hand, touching his chest in front of others to show my admiration and affection for him, and joyfully wanting to be close to him.
You might think these things naturally compliment each other. Let me tell you, for twelve years, they have not. It’s been intentional work to try to learn to speak the other person’s love language.
When I feel loving toward him, I naturally write him an email or text with loving words or run to the store to buy him something special. When he feels loving toward me, he asks me to sit with him in his chair.
Neither of those is bad or wrong, but it’s nothing more than a kind, appreciated gesture instead of an intense rush of love for the other person.
In the last week, my husband is like a new man. I almost feel like I don’t know him at all!! He keeps surprising me left and right and I’m so unsure what to do with that.
Of course, I’m trying to be so thankful and express my abundant gratitude, however, I’m flooded with so many emotions, I’m struggling to power through.
For example, every night, the computer gets put down at 8:00 because he wants me to sit with him. Instead of being zoned into a television show, he will watch something with me, but only while talking through most of it anyway. Talking — yes, LOTS AND LOTS of talking. And good talking, not just “Everything go OK with the kids today? Yea, how was work? Fine. Good.” I’m talking, real, relevant, honest talks that brings us closer together and help us understand each other better.
He has been helping me every night in the kitchen. He turns on music from the 90’s, we both sing along and laugh, and we work together to clean up the kitchen so it’s done in half the time and then can both go relax on the couch. We actually danced in the kitchen at one point and instead of being so cheesy, it was seriously the most romantic thing EVER!!!
He keeps saying multiple times a day, “You’re so beautiful“, even when all my make up is off and my eyes are puffy from crying, BUT it’s not put on… if you could see his face when he says it, he somehow really means it even though I know I look like a wreck!
He came home yesterday with a box of Mike and Ike’s … oh how I love that candy! Why? I don’t know. Just because he wanted to.
And most shocking of all – in fact, I was slightly afraid I was going to have a heart attack, I got a Facebook notification that said “Josh tagged you in a status.” Now… before I tell you what it said, you should know a couple of things. First of all, my husband is NOT mushy, gushy. He laughs at some romantic love lines from the movies because they’re so… you know what I mean. Secondly, he updates his Facebook status about three times a year, and one of those is to post a picture of a deer he shoots every winter. He reads other people’s posts, but he just doesn’t post updates. And third, when he is at work, he’s at work. I can always call and text him…. but usually, he is crazy busy and really needs to get his work done. So, when this notification came through WHILE he was at work…. it like paralyzed me for a minute. It took some time before I could open the computer. And when I did, this is what I read “My wall paper on my cell phone is a picture of my wife and I am amazed every time I look at it how beautiful she is. I love you Kayla Jill.”
Before I even replied to him, I shot an email off to my best friend with the subject line “HOLY CRAP!!!!!” To be honest, I probably wanted to type something even a little more shocking, but thankfully it came out “crap.”
I asked him what is going on — and he doesn’t really know. He said he looked at a picture of me and thought “She is so Beautiful, what are you doing?” As in, he could do better as a husband.
I don’t know what to do with that. I have cried so much in the last seven days, that I’m starting to get annoyed with myself. He isn’t annoyed at all, he says it’s fine if I cry — but it’s making me nuts! Stop it already, hold it together, kiss him without tears pouring down your face!!!!
There is so much more to say, that I simply can’t say. They are secret and private words for just my heart to savor — but there is even MORE than I posted here.
I have spent thirty years longing for and wanting a love where I felt so caught up, so helplessly smitten, like I was someone’s whole world, and I was deeply loved — but honestly reached a place where I let that die because I thought it was “fairy tale” material. And maybe even, “un” Christ like. Like I wanted to be someone’s idol.
And then, this week happened. And all I can do is weep. From tears of joy and hope, restoration and completeness, and maybe even a little fear.
What if I wake up tomorrow and it all leaves as quickly and unexpectedly as it came? I know I would still love him as much as I do today. And I know we’d be OK. But I’ve never felt this way before… and I think it’s changing everything. And maybe for the first time, this change is one I won’t walk into reluctantly.
Practical Application –
Time for a self evaluation.
How am I doing as a spouse?
Am I speaking his/her love language?
What changes can I make to do better?
How would I feel if she/he wrote a post just like this one?
Wasn’t that incredible?!?!?
Every couple’s story is different.
My husband hasn’t done a lot of the things that Kayla’s husband is doing right now. That’s totally ok. 🙂 My hope is that you will see that God is able to do things in our marriages that we could never do on our own. We aren’t guaranteed our husbands will change if we submit fully to Christ and live in obedience to Him, desiring Him far above everything. But we are guaranteed He will change US.
My prayer is for God’s greatest glory in your life and in your marriage.