This is a wife who has JUST started learning about how to stop disrespect/control and has been learning to be respectful in the last week or two. I love her story! Thank you so much for sharing!
Now that some time has passed I wanted to share with you what happened a couple of days ago. My in laws came to visit before my dh deployed.
BACKGROUND: I’ve generally always had some conflict when his folks are around because hubby treats me poorly when his folks are around.
- I smiled a lot.
- I cooked.
- most of all I was QUIET.
When hubby said something mean, I was quiet. When he made fun of me, I was quiet. When his mom made off-handed remarks, I was quiet.
Now I did quietly stick up for myself but my attitude was totally different.
His parents left early Tuesday I wished them a farewell, cleaned the house, and again not a word of complaint.
Then a miracle!
The next day hubby pulled me on his lap while I was cleaning (no fussing from me even though I hate when he does that). He gave me a kiss and told me he loved my spirit the past weekend and he likes me a lot (LOL). I kissed him back and then I was QUIET. He didn’t say anything else at first, but he released me to finish cleaning following me from room to room. I still said nothing when…
Suddenly he grabbed my hand and apologized for being mean to me around his parents! Then he told me he wanted to quit smoking and dial back on drinking.
It was like getting three presents instead of one!
I am soooooo happy!!!!
This wife is in, “the quiet phase” right now – learning to stop her disrespectful words and working on using her words for good – to give life instead of death. This is not a wife who has been overly passive and quiet in the past. Becoming markedly more quiet is often the first step in spiritual healing and healing for a marriage for a wife who has been very outspoken.
(If you tend to be too quiet, your first step will involve learning to speak up more, after spending time with the Lord, even you aren’t perfect at it. The key is balance and that we use our words with godly wisdom.)
It is not always necessary for a wife to say nothing in this kind of situation. There are times we need to respectfully address hurtful words. But if this is what the Lord leads a wife to do, it is wise to listen and obey. I believe that this wife was being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. That is the most important thing!
She didn’t have to say anything in this particular situation – her respectful (not resentful) silence allowed her husband to clearly hear God’s voice.
Sometimes our well-timed silence can be extremely convicting. God’s Spirit is TOTALLY capable of convicting people of sin without our constant verbal input, especially if we are prone to saying too much. Our obedience to God’s Word, and our being filled with the Spirit are the most “helpful” things we can do. This gets us out of God’s way so He can speak to our husbands in a more powerful way.
God’s wisdom is infinitely higher than our own. When we are willing to do things His way – it is an amazing adventure! You never know what surprises He has in store!
I can’t guarantee any wife that she will see the same results or that she will see changes so quickly, but as we focus on following Christ for ourselves, we can live in His peace and invite His power to heal our husbands, our marriages, our children, and ourselves.
OUR WILLING OBEDIENCE AND SUBMISSION TO GOD OPENS UP THE DOORS TO THE UNIMAGINABLE POWER OF HEAVEN POURING INTO OUR LIVES!
- A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov. 15:1
- Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet (peaceful, tranquil) spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. I Peter 3:1-4 ESV
- Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. Rom. 12:14
- Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Rom. 12:17-21
How to Respond to a Harsh, Critical Husband – by Radiant
If you have a particularly difficult situation, you tend to be too passive, or you just feel stuck, check out Nina Roesner’s eCourse Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity
A Challenge For the Ladies – Let’s Not Complain or Argue Anymore!
God Understands Men – This is a brief explanation of why God’s commands to wives whose husbands are far from Him in I Peter 3:1-6 works on men!