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siloutte couple

Portia’s Story – Winning Him Over without a Word

siloutte couple
NOTE ****  If you would like to be on my prayer team – and get prayer requests usually once a week on Wednesdays, please let me know!   Thank you! – April
This is a wife who has JUST started learning about how to stop disrespect/control and has been learning to be respectful in the last week or two.  I love her story!  Thank you so much for sharing, Portia!
Now that sometime has passed I wanted to share with you what happened a couple of days ago. My in laws came to visit before my dh  deployed.
BACKGROUND: I’ve generally always had some conflict when his folks are around because hubby treats me poorly when his folks are around.
This time
  • I smiled alot
  • I cooked
  • most of all I was QUIET.

When hubby said something mean, I was quiet. When he made fun of me, I was quiet. When his mom made off handed remarks, I was quiet. Quiet,quiet,quiet! Now I did quietly stick up for myself but

my attitude was totally different.

His parents left early Tuesday I wished them a farewell, cleaned the house, and again not a word of complaint.
Then a miracle!
The next day hubby pulled me on his lap while I was cleaning (no fussing from me even though I hate when he does that). He gave me a kiss and told me he loved my spirit the past weekend and he likes me a lot (LOL). I kissed him back and then I was QUIET. He didn’t say anything else at first, but he released me to finish cleaning following me from room to room.  I still said nothing when…

suddenly he grabbed my hand and apologized for being mean to me around his parents! Then he told me he wanted to quit smoking and dial back on drinking.

It was like getting three presents instead of one!
I am soooooo happy!!!!
And I have an interview for a job on Monday. I am praying that G-d continue to humble me and if it is His will to bless me with this job that I receive it, but only so I can HELP my husband with bills. I will not puff up with pride and put my job before my husband. I will ask that you pray for me. I’ve changed so much in a short time and I never, ever, ever want to grieve G-d’s spirit like I was. How wicked my heart was! I am tearing up typing this because had it not been for your obedience to G-d I would have continued to tear down my house like a wicked woman. Oh how my heart aches that the fruits that I was producing was not the fruit of the Spirit. May G-d bless you and keep you!
This wife is in, “the quiet phase” right now – learning to stop her disrespectful words and working on using her words for good – to give life instead of death.
It is not always necessary for a wife to say nothing in this kind of situation – but sometimes it is very wise.  I believe that this wife was being sensitive to the Holy Spirit.  That is the most important thing!
She didn’t have to say anything – her respectful (not resentful) silence allowed her husband to clearly hear God’s voice.  WOW!  God’s Spirit is TOTALLY capable of convicting people of sin without our help.  Our obedience to God’s Word is the most “helpful” thing we can do.  It gets us out of God’s way so He can speak to our husbands in a more powerful way.
God’s wisdom is infinitely higher than our own.  When we are willing to do things His way – it is an amazing adventure!  You never know what surprises He has in store!
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.  I PETER 3:1-6
A Challenge For the Ladies – Let’s Not Complain or Argue Anymore!
God Understands Men – This is a brief explanation of why God’s commands to wives whose husbands are far from Him in I Peter 3:1-6 works on men!

22 thoughts on “Portia’s Story – Winning Him Over without a Word

  1. This is so wonderful. Oh, how powerful silence can be! That is one of my biggest problems! My husband is not even home and I can’t “consistently” keep “quiet” when we talk. I do well for a few days and then snap right out of it… I then try to be obedient to God’s word again – then I can’t resist saying something again….up and down I go……..
    I know what is right – I just find it hard to consistently do it, because it is SO SO SO not my personality. That is why I need to die to my flesh daily.
    Portia, I am glad that you saw such tangible manifestation of the power of God’s instructions. I am curious to know how you responded to your hubby when he apologized and told you his desire to quit smoking and cut back on drinking. Were you just “quiet” then too?

    1. Hi Prayinglikehannah,

      Thankfully I had been lurking on this site so when hubby said he planned on cutting back (cue major surprise) I quickly said “I am really happy you decided to do this.” And left it alone. No nagging. It’s funny because now he will come up to me and tell me when he is doing either and lets me know his progress. Which is mind blowing because before I used to demand he tell me when he was smoking or drinking. Being quiet is hard, but a happy home is worth it!
      – Portia

  2. This is such a tangible way that God fulfills His Word; Thank you for sharing Portia and KUDOS to YOU sister!!

    I’m doing the happyfeet dance with YOU!

    1. Robyn,
      Doesn’t Portia’s story just give you chills!?!?!? Our God is ABLE! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS! I just can’t help but praise God after hearing a story like that. 🙂

  3. I am not as far along as this lady. But yesterday I was able to call myself out and apologise for disrespectful behavior. I need to work on being humble.

    We are just starting out and his work week is less hours than mine right now. I know this is because his skills are not as in demand as mine are right now, so it will just take him longer to work up senority and get permanent full time employment. It’s not his fault but that doesn’t stop me from accusing him he isn’t trying and coasting along on my hard work. But I appologized right away and admitted that I am jealous he doesn’t have to work as much. Not much i know, but it is nice to see some changes in myself.

    1. Lynn,

      I am so proud of you for apologizing and for recognizing that humility is a beautiful and godly quality that is extremely necessary to being the wives God desires us to be.

      THANK YOU for apologizing and for seeing what you are doing. That is the first step!

      I am very excited to see what God has in store for you. Please keep us updated. 🙂

  4. An eye opener. Am going through the same phase and I feel God spoke to me through this write up advising me what to do. God bless u !!!

  5. I stumbled upon your blog through a Google search. I am going to to try this method to see if I can get my husband to stop desiring other women. I believe that I am pretty naggy, bossy and can treat my husband poorly. Regardless of why I started to behave like that, clearly it’s not working for us:) Thank you for sharing your story.

    1. Tina,
      Yes, your husband is wrong if he dwells on desiring other women or pursues other women. BUT, you can’t change him by treating your husband like dirt. Actually, you can’t change your husband at all. As we have all learned the hard way, I am sure. I am excited to see what God has in store for you!!!!! As you focus on becoming the woman God calls YOU to be, I believe God can heal your marriage, too. 🙂

  6. I don’t know what to do because my husband has chosen regularly to support/side his parents even though his parents have hurt me so badly. They have been hugely detrimental to our relationship! My husband has always put them before my needs. We met online. Met in person in Canada. Several months later. I moved overseas and came to live in his parents home in NI (NOT my choice. His ENTIRELY.) Then we returned only to Canada to marry. His immediate family came to attend. (Plus best friend) BUT here’s the kicker!!! We never had a honeymoon. (Wedding night we spent alone & one night on returning to the NI alone. Slept in tiny room in THEIR HOME!!! Never slept ANYWHERE ELSE alone again until we moved into our own home. 6 1/2 months later!!! His entire immediately family accompanied us on our trip in Canada on our honeymoon trip!!!! AGAIN not my choice. His. That was 3brothers/mummy & daddy & his best friend who were INVITED BY HIM to join us. (Because of absurdity of HIS planned trip with HIS family. I asked my parents to come at the very last minute.)His reasoning for HIS FAMILY JOINING US ON OUR HONEYMOON WAS….. ‘It was a trip for them to get to enjoy a new country. A new experience!’ —->**What about your NEW BRIDE did her needs matter to you?!** We never even went on a holiday in our own without in-laws. First summer. Joined mother/father in law on their regular location at summer holiday rented house!!! If I speak of this my husband says “I’m bringing up the past. Not forgiving.” (Nope, still has continued thirteen years later in different ways BUT he’s still including them. And their including themselves in our lives.) He says “I’m being ungrateful of them.” This IS just tip of the iceberg! If I bring up things he doesn’t like. It’s me who is in the wrong. “A sinful woman!” This is coming from a man who claims he’s saved saying and doing these things. I know he needs repect & honour from me but I’m REALLY struggling with his lack of spiritual leadership & financial provision in our home. He totally denies he’s in ANY way to blame. He says, its myself who is to blame for EVERYTHING. I’m struggling with feeling completely utterly unloved, unsupported, abandoned. I’ve tried to keep communicating with him while away, but I told him some much about things that have truly affected me deeply and he doesn’t care. It all about him and how I’m so horrible. Such a “sinful woman”. He uses your submissive video to tell me what a failure I am . I know you talk about the things that you’ve done and how you were in sin by not being respectful to you husband. He just doesn’t see there more to our martial problems than myself. I am asking non-stop God to changes my husband’s heart. What changes that need to happen in my life takes place as well. It feels like how much worse can it get?!

    Probably nobody reads this anyways but I AM SOOOO UPSET!

    1. Christina,

      I can definitely feel the pain in your words, my dear sister! And I can relate to some degree because I felt that my in-laws were too involved in our marriage in the beginning, as well – and I did not handle it graciously at all. I was disrespectful to them and ungrateful, complained to my husband about their involvement – a lot. I actually did apologize to them (and to lots of people in my life) when God opened my eyes to my sin 6.5 years ago. If only I had known then what I know now!

      I used to quote the verses about a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife to Greg – with great resentment – about how much his parents were doing to help us. Perhaps I was right. Maybe they shouldn’t have been so involved – but did that mean I was right to seethe with bitterness, resentment, disrespect, and hostility? Did God give me a free pass to sin because I felt that they were overly involved?

      Looking back, I could have chosen to be thankful for all they did for us. I could have treated them with love, kindness, and respect. I could have continued to honor my husband’s leadership even though I disagreed. I could have shared my concerns respectfully. I could have prayed and trusted God to work.

      Does that mean that your husband has no faults and no room for improvement? No – of course not. We all have areas where we need God to change us to be more like Christ. None of us are perfect this side of heaven – but we should all be growing closer to God and moving toward more holiness on this journey.

      Do y’all live with his parents?

      Did y’all talk about how involved his family would be before you got married?

      Did you have any premarital counseling?

      How is your walk with Christ going? What are you doing with all of this bitterness?

      What do you believe you need your husband to do?

      How do you ask him for what you need?

      What is his relationship like with Christ?

      If you get a chance, please read today’s post and this post about expectations and let me know if God speaks anything to your heart. 🙂

      When you have taken care of any issues that are getting between yourself and Christ in your life – then, there may be an appropriate time for you to confront your husband about any sin in his life. But in Matthew 7:1-5 – Jesus instructs us to deal with our own sin issues first before we address sin in someone else’s life.

      Sending you the biggest hug! Much love to you!

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