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How a Wife’s Obedience to God Impacts Her Husband’s Soul (From the Archives)

This is a message I received from a reader.  She repented of her years of disrespect and trying to control her husband about 5 years ago.  She had learned some of these principles years  before, but a major tragedy in the family sent her reeling and now she is relearning and taking baby steps again.  What I really want wives to notice is not the time frame since her repentance to God – it is the changes that are happening in both the wife and the husband as she seeks to obey God.  So many wives think that if they obey God, they LOSE power and won’t get the love they want.  That is so far from the truth!  We GAIN the power of God working in our hearts and marriages.  And the riches of heaven.  It is all joy!


It’s so funny… we have had such a good weekend, and off and on all weekend he will just give me these little commands. They are random, and not rude or anything… just small things like for example, we were at a birthday party and he said, “why don’t you go over and visit for about 5 more minutes and I’ll come over and we’ll say good-bye and head home.” I just cheerfully say, “okay” and do it.

Or, (I’ve been counseling a very disturbed wife and have really sewn into her life and yet, she still shows no changes and really kind of tends to use me), and he said, “I’ve been thinking and I really don’t want you to have anything to do with that wife anymore. I know you want to help her but she doesn’t want help, that’s obvious. So, I really just want you to stop counseling her and just pray for her if you need to.” I just said, “Okay, if that is what you think is best, I trust you. I will put up those boundaries.”

No other words, just cheerful obedience.

There are other random examples that I have picked up on all weekend, but these give you an idea of the nature of them. Each time I respond the same. No questions, no different opinion offered, I just gladly do whatever he has asked.

I find it funny because it tickles me.

My husband is not usually one to take such a strong lead. I must admit that it feels kind of good actually.

Then tonight when we were out again (it’s been a strange weekend of kidlessness)… my husband acted like he was fixing to say something, then he paused and said, “nah, nevermind.”

I said jokingly, “What? you have to say  it now!” because he had this little grin on his face about what he was going to say.

So he said, “Well, what I was going to say is that I love this place you are in your life right now. (he got tears in his eyes and said) This is really all I need, Honey. I can’t even tell you how much I love this. We have been through hell, and I mean real hell… like fighting to breathe on so many days hell, and yet, here we are… like this. I don’t know how much I can tell you so you’ll believe it, but this really is all I need. When you are like this, it just motivates me to want to be the best I can be.”

Who is this man? I am just floored that he is saying these kind of things to me! smile My God is working a MIRACLE in our marriage!! I am blown away!

I found myself tearing up too. All I could say was that I love this new place I am too, and that with God’s help, I plan to stay right here.”

That was the end of it, just that sweet, tender moment. Then we just went back to enjoying each other like we have been all weekend.

I know that what he is picking up on is exactly as you say… a peaceful spirit that does not give way to fear. I think it is ministering to him in such a way that he is experiencing a deep peace and confidence as well.

Like I said, simply mind-blowing! Only GOD!! I just keep saying that but it is oh so true!

9 thoughts on “How a Wife’s Obedience to God Impacts Her Husband’s Soul (From the Archives)

  1. That is so awesome! I experienced a similar week or so last month and my husband was so loving and telling me that I was so nice and that he loved me and that he thought I seemed happy etc…but then i messed up (or one of us did) and we havent got back to that place yet, but i am working on it! thanks for sharing, it means so much as you described that you have been through real hell and you are not alone there, sometimes i wonder how we have stayed together, but i am determind to have a happy marriage.

    keep going! Julia x

  2. I am so grateful for your blog posts! The wonderful step-by-step examples you give to the reader so we can apply it in our own life. I also thank readers who use their experiences and examples. Thank you!! God is working through you in us. To God be the glory!

    1. Melodie,

      I love sharing what God does in many different wives’ lives – it is a unique journey for each person. And hearing from different women and different perspectives helps us all to grow! Thanks for the comment!

  3. I am struggling with obedience this week. I am self-employed and last week I got an offer for a job I would really love to do. My husband forbade me from taking it. Told me straight up – no.

    His motive is to help me rest, since I have overcommitted myself for the past five years and been exhausted as a result. So I understand and appreciate his reasoning. That is why I am sort of ashamed to admit that I am struggling.

    But this was finally an offer of the kind that I had been waiting for. So the old “feminist” voice in me is rising up this week and telling me not to listen to my husband. Telling me that I should “build a career” just in case and not focus on self-care and taking care of our home and my dream of taking time to write a book. Thankfully, the voice of G-d is also there, telling me different.

    I guess my point is to just say: thank you for your blog. You are such a big help.

    1. Maria,

      You are most welcome! 🙂 It is VERY HARD when we feel like we know best to honor our husbands’ leadership sometimes. But it does sound like your husband’s motives are for your best interests. 🙂 I pray you will hear God’s voice clearly and run to obey Him. I can’t wait to see what He has in store for you!!!!!!

      Much love to you!

      1. Thank you April.

        I did obey him. I am sad to say that it was difficult and that I told him as much. I don’t think it was so much that I thought I knew better, but more just that before my husband started taking control I would always have said yes to these offers. And been exhausted. But I still would have said yes due to feeling responsible for helping the person offering the job.

        The thing is, my real struggle is with allowing happiness. And that is what my husband wants to give me by giving me more time for myself. I grew up around parents that taught me happiness is a lie, to be swiftly taken away, so it was best not to allow oneself to feel it. To this day, I still struggle with this as well as worry. I hate that I am unable to let them both go. Don’t get me wrong, there are good moments. But I mean entirely, or at least so that the trusting state would be my chief state. I am afraid I will not learn. And taking on huge amounts of work kept me busy, kept me from facing these issues head on.

        I am so so grateful for my husband taking the lead. I just fear that somehow I will mess this up by not letting go of worry. I fear that I will always find more to worry about. And never allow God’s spirit to fully take the lead.

        Any advice is much appreciated. But just saying this out loud made a difference.

        1. Maria,

          Someone I love dearly in my family uses work as an escape to keep the “worrying voice” from being so loud in her head.

          I used to worry a lot, too. Until I saw that I was trusting myself instead of God, living as if I was sovereign and God was a wimp, and thinking everything all depended on me – understanding nothing about God’s sovereignty.

          I had to completely chunk everything I thought I knew about myself and God and start from scratch with God’s Word alone.

          My goal is not for you to be “happy” necessarily -although that would be fine. My goal is for you to have the deep, abiding, supernatural joy and peace of Christ. That only comes from being full of His Spirit – and that only comes from being totally submitted to Him, holding nothing back, trusting Him completely and being willing to give up any sin you may have been cherishing- idolatry, pride, disrespect, unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, gossip, lust, envy, etc..

          Worry is definitely a lifestyle. And it is not from God.

          God can give you freedom from worry!

          You can search “worry” on my home page and look at the posts I have about it. I am glad to answer any questions you may have to the best of my ability -I will seek to point you to Christ! There IS GREAT HOPE for you! God is unlocking the door of your prison cell today. We can walk out of that dark dungeon together into God’s glorious freedom, light, joy, peace, hope and abundant life! 🙂

      2. Thank you so much April. I think that I definitely need help with this.

        The fact that I am taken care of at all times, by God, is one that I know. And I have also deeply experienced the peace that comes with believing that whatever happens is best, even if I don’t understand it right now.

        The biggest struggle is to abide in that peace for longer periods of time. It comes and goes at present. I still easily get caught up in exactly what you said – idolatry of self. It is deeply humbling to realize you have been guilty of idolatry. Deeply, deeply humbling. And it is also “easy” to wallow in that guilt 🙂

        I will reread your posts about worry. I love the expression you used about a prison cell – that is exactly what this feels like. Or, to be more exact, it feels like being let out for short breathers but then always being locked up again.

        I would love to talk more about this with you and hear your ideas on how to stay in that peace and not let my mind/ego take over. Which by the way always happens when I work too much.

        For now, I have decided to start spending daily time with God. And thank Him for giving me a husband that has my best interests at heart and is such a good leader and protector. I have found earlier that as deceptively simple as it sounds, gratitude is an invaluable help in remembering I can trust 🙂

        P.s. Sorry for any typos etc. As you might have guessed, English is not my mother tongue.

        1. Maria,

          I’m so glad to hear from you!

          For me, when I notice disappointment, resentment or anxiety – it is a huge signal to me that I am looking to something other than Christ for my security and contentment.

          I HAVE to spend a lot of time in God’s Word and prayer – or I crash and burn very quickly.

          I’d love for you to stay out of that cell for good!!!! Oh! And when you begin to wallow in worldly sorrow that produces death – ask God, and He can help you have godly sorrow that produces repentance instead. One thing that bothered me when I first saw what a WRETCHED sinner I was- was, I wanted to erase my 14.5 years of disrespect and control in my marriage! I never wanted anyone to think about it or know about it at first. But now – God is using even that time of my rebellion for His glory. NOTHING is wasted in God’s economy! 🙂

          Having a grateful heart, focusing on Phil 4:4-8 is extremely helpful. Keeping humility in mind and knowing just how huge my sin debt is that Jesus forgave me for is very helpful, too.

          I would not have guessed that English is not your primary language. You type it very well! 🙂

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