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My Purpose at Peacefulwife

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Let’s get back to basics.  Here is God’s pattern for marriage – which is the basis of my blog:

Ephesians 5:22-33

New International Version (NIV)

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy,cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

On Peacefulwife – my focus is only on what God commands wives to do.

Why is that?

1. God’s primary purpose in marriage is to bring glory to Himself through the way husbands and wives relate to each other.  I desire to help wives understand the importance of marriage from God’s perspective and that He desires husbands to portray the self-sacrificing love and headship of Christ and that He desires wives to portray the love, adoration, reverence, submission and honor of the church for Christ.  This is so much bigger than our individual families.  When we approach marriage God’s way for His glory and by His power – our marriages will draw many to Jesus to find a real, intimate and eternal relationship with Him.  And when we approach marriage with our own wisdom or worldly wisdom – the Name of Christ and God’s Word is maligned. (Titus 2:4-5)

2. I believe that – as one of the  “older women in the church” (I will be 40 this month!) – God desires me to teach womenwhat is good: to affectionately love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God.” (Titus 2:2-5)  I long to see women experience the JOY and PEACE of living in obedience to God, filled with His Holy Spirit.

3. I believe that our power in marriage is when we focus on what God asks us to do, not when we try to judge whether our husbands are living up to their end of the covenant.  God’s commands apply to us regardless of our husbands’ behavior.  Yes, there are times we must respectfully, gently, humbly confront our husbands’ sin (Matthew 7:1-6, Matthew 18).

4. I believe that a wife’s level of respect and willingness to honor her husband’s leadership are direct indicators of her level of respect and submission to Christ.  I believe that the way a woman treats her husband reveals the way she treats God. Respect and submission for our husbands must begin with respect and total submission to Christ.  Then, out of my love and adoration for my Lord Jesus, I learn to respect my husband and honor him as the God-given authority in the marriage.

5. I believe that children learn to respect and submit to God and God-given authority by watching their mother’s example of respect and biblical submission in her marriage.  We are part of a huge key for our children to be able to understand God’s nature and for them to learn to trust Him and understand His sovereignty and holiness.

6. It is very easy for us to focus so much on what our husbands “should” do that we ignore our own responsibilities.  Or it is very easy to think, “I’ll respect him when he starts doing his part.”  But there is no qualifier that God only expects us to obey Him if our husbands are obeying Him to our satisfaction.  God does NOT ask us to respect sin and we do not have to cooperate with our husbands when/if they ask us to sin.  Any human authority that asks us to violate God’s Word is trumped by the authority of God’s Word.

7. God called me to teach women, not men. (I Timothy 2:11-15 and I Corinthians 14:33-35).  God convicted me of this powerfully in September of last year.  I desire to honor Him alone.

It is not my intention for women to be the only ones who obey God.  I only teach women, so I do not address men here.  

I am sure you can see from this passage  in Ephesians 5 that husbands have even more responsibilities in marriage than wives do – and they are held accountable by God for their obedience to Him and for their use of their God-given authority and leadership.  We are held accountable to God for our own obedience.

ALL PEOPLE NEED JESUS

Some women believe that I am blaming women for their husbands’ sins.  Nope!  Each person is accountable to God for his or her own sin according to the Bible!  I address women and ask us all to look at our own sin, our own relationship to Christ and our own obedience to God’s Word.  Husbands are also accountable for their own sin, their relationship with Christ and their obedience to God’s Word and their leadership in their families.

Some women believe that because I only address women and our sins, that I am saying men are perfect or deity.  NOT AT ALL!

The Bible clearly teaches at ALL people (men and women) are wretched sinners in desperate need of the blood of Jesus to cover our multitude of sins!

  • There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. Romans 3:10-11
  • For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
  • The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus, our Lord!  Romans 6:23
  • For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.  Ephesians 2:8

Just because I only discuss what wives are responsible for in marriage and our accountability to God for our obedience and our own sin does not negate the fact that husbands are also accountable to God for their obedience and their sin.  Both husbands and wives need respect and love.  Both husbands and wives ought to give respect and love to one another.

However – if my legitimate needs are not met – God desires me (and any believer) to respond without sin by the power of His Spirit.   There are times when my sinful husband will not meet my legitimate needs.  Just like there are times I will fail him, too and will need to repent to God and to my husband.  When I am sinned against –  I am not justified to sin against someone else.  I will be most tempted to sin in those times.  But God can give us the power to repay evil with good and to return cursing with blessing and to pray for those who persecute us.  God’s Word commands us not to be overcome by evil but to overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:9-12)

My prayer is that women will find the truth here spoken in love and with respect. I realize that many churches are NOT teaching women the full truth of God’s Word – to our great detriment!  Some of these truths are VERY PAINFUL to hear.  Sadly, even though what I teach is straight from God’s Word, I know that these concepts sound RADICAL to our ears even in the church.  These are things we should have been taught  as children and should have seen modeled in all the Christian marriages around us.  I believe that “the ball was dropped” decades ago and that we are now paying a steep price.  It is time for us to pick up the ball and not allow our children to pay an even greater price.

It is time for US to become a godly generation of women who live God’s truth no matter what the cost.

I don’t want us to go back to the way things were 100 years ago.  My goal is for us to live the way God wants us to, not to follow any specific traditions of men.  There was sin and error in doctrine 100 years ago.  That time gone by was full of imperfect people, too.  I desire us to compare ourselves to the true, holy and perfect standard of God’s Word – not to other generations or to other people living today.  I desire true holiness in God’s people – not legalism, not a set of rules to follow and try to make ourselves holy.   I desire to see the Spirit of God move among us and empower us to be holy.  We cannot do this on our own!  We need the Holy Spirit’s power!

I am personally convinced that we as Christian women hold a huge key to God creating holiness in His people today.  I believe that if God will open our eyes to our sin  – we will repent.  And when we as the women of God repent and begin to live as God desires us to – I believe that God will then empower our men to become the strong, godly, holy leaders that He wants them to be.  And then I believe we can raise a generation of godly children.  God may want to change us first, ladies.  I pray that He will give us the courage, strength and faith to make this amazing journey with Him for His purposes and His glory!

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.  Galatians 1:10

RESOURCES

What is Disrespectful to Husbands?

What Speaks Respect to Husbands?

What is Biblical Submission?

Peacefulwife Videos

38 thoughts on “My Purpose at Peacefulwife

  1. Amen! Beautiful post April. May our Gracious Lord heap blessings upon you and your marriage for your ministry through the Peacefulwife.

  2. I agree so much with this. What we have created by ignoring God’s word are generations of selfish people. That has been the hardest part of learning to be a godly wife. Overcoming my own selfishness. Now I’m seeing it in my grown children and I feel horrible that I did that to them.

    1. Trixie,

      I couldn’t even see my sin at all for those 15 years of our marriage when I was disrespectful and prideful and unforgiving. That is so scary to me. I know it can be painful at first when God shines His truth and light on the darkest places in our hearts and begins to remove the sin. But it is so worth it! How I pray God will change us and use us to influence our children for HIm and teach them what He shows us. Praying for wisdom for you and for healing for your children in their relationship with Christ!

  3. Thanks SOOO much for what you do here! 🙂 You help soooo many women, and you’ve definitely helped me too! The things you teach here have given me so much freedom (from the restrictions and expectations that I had placed on myself, and that others placed on me). I’m obviously still learning, but it’s mostly because of you that this learning process even began. You’re SUCH a blessing!

  4. April, I thank God for your heart and focus!! For fighting so hard for so many women…so many wives!!! Never forget that we have an enemy who rages!!! ALWAYS REMEMBER that we have a God who saves!!! He is using you to reconcile many hardened hearts back to himself!!! Be encouraged….The Spirit of the risen Savior walks mightily in you and changes hearts through you. I love you, my sister!! And thank God for you and what you do daily <3

  5. Thank you for this website! I so much appreciate your careful attention to the Word regarding women teaching women. What a blessing this has been to me! I feel because you always lead me to the Bible this is a safe place for me to find answers.

    1. Amy,
      That is my fervent prayer – that everything I say would line up with God’s Word. But always weigh my words and any human’s words against the Bible. I am not infallible, that is for sure!

      1. Yes, I agree and thank you for the reminder. 🙂 My husband and I accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Savior 6 years ago. Before that we were catholic. I am grateful that I have an infallible source, God’s Word.

      2. Please forgive my intrusion into your conversation, but I just feel compelled to ask a question. Amy, why did you and your husband need to leave the Catholic Church in order to accept Jesus Christ personally? I have a personal relationship with Christ and I’m Catholic. Just wondering why you left. Hope I’m not being too forward.

  6. I am truly loving your Blogs! You have helped me so much. Thanks for being the woman you are and allowing God to use you in this wonderful way! God Bless you.

  7. Nice post. It raised two questions for me. There may be some prayerful, Christian women who read Scripture and come to conclusions that differ from yours. Is there another authority you would direct them to in order to confirm your interpretations and teachings of Scripture? Secondly, what are your convictions about men teaching women? Peace.

    1. Thomas,
      I’m so glad to hear from you! I respect you, your faith, your ministry and wisdom greatly.

      As you know, I was counseling men late last summer and early fall. A number of men were coming to me for advice. I emailed back and forth with some of them – always copying my husband on each email. But I began to see that some of them may have started looking to me as a source of feminine respect they were not finding in their marriages – so I was concerned that these men might begin to have too much of an emotional/spiritual attachment to me. Not good. I also was concerned that I could easily get too close to them emotionally or spiritually and put myself in a precarious position. I saw that this would be a very easy way for an emotional affair to begin – and I don’t want to go there! I needed to be sure I was guarding my heart and marriage much more carefully.

      Then I came across those two passages of scripture – and I couldn’t get around them. I tried to! I wrestled and wrestled with God about them. But I believe God made it very plain to me that His Word has the final authority and that I must accept it as it is plainly written.

      So – this is my conviction based on what the New Testament teaches (quite clearly it seems to me) and based on what I believe God led me to do – as well as an increasing realization that I was opening myself and my brothers up to temptation. I don’t want to present a stumbling block to my brothers in Christ. I am accountable to God for my behavior and convictions. Other believers do not answer to me, but will answer to God. There are human “authorities” on both sides of the women having authority over men issue. I’m not sure how to judge between debating human authorities, except by comparing what they say to God’s Word. I believe the Word of God trumps human God-given authority and that it is my duty to obey God rather than men.

      I would also point to the historical context of the church – women did not begin to speak in church, to my knowledge, until the late 1800s. And those who did begin speaking in church – were very consciously in defiance of God’s Word (some of the originators of the feminist movement).

      I find no scriptural references that prohibit women from learning in the church under the teaching of male leaders in the church. I would personally not want women to learn from a man in private. I don’t believe that is wise.

      Blogging is particularly problematic for me – because I desire to only teach women but, obviously, men can read the blog too, and I have no way to stop that. I appreciate the men who offer their masculine perspectives – I think my readers benefit from hearing from husbands. I do respond to men who comment. But I try to not “tell them what to do,” “teach,” “preach to” or “counsel” them as an authority.

      But the line can be very gray in this area, I definitely admit. I do not judge other women – but trust God to judge. My deepest desire is to obey and please Him.

      Thanks!

      1. Thomas,
        PS
        Does this mean men cannot learn anything from women ever? No. I don’t think so. My main priority is not to set myself up as a teacher/preacher to men.
        But I don’t consider myself to be an authority on this subject. 🙂
        This is the place I am right now with this issue – and I continue to seek God’s wisdom!

        1. Peacefulwife, It’s funny this came up today because we were just talking about this last night during a fellowship meeting. As I stated above I don’t believe woman should teach men, but that doesn’t mean they don’t learn from us. I think what is critical is the woman’s motive. Is she trying to teach something or is she sharing testimony. I shared some things I’ve been learning lately and was told by one of my husband’s friends that he learned from it. But I never intended to teach anything. I was just so excited about what I’m learning that I wanted to share it with people I thought would appreciate it. (this was a group setting) Teacher’s are in a position of authority over their students, so I don’t think God would have women as spiritual teachers of men. That could easily get confusing for us and God is not the author of confusion.

      2. I agree with Peaceful wife here about women not teaching men. I Timothy 2:12 If we use God’s word to answer the question of another authority for a woman to go to about an interpretation, it says her husband should be her answer man.
        I Corinthians 14:35. I know that some women struggle because they are married to unbelievers, but God can still use their husband’s to teach them. Luke 19:40. The difference is what is in the woman’s heart about. Faith or doubt, pride, judgment etc. God is big enough!

      3. [“I’m not sure how to judge between debating human authorities, except by comparing what they say to God’s Word.”]

        Ah, this is precisely the reason we need official Church authority to settle issues of disagreement. Our own, human opinions will not carry the day. The authority of Scripture points us to the final authority of the Church. (See Matt 18:15-17 and 1Tim 3:15) It would be great for you to be able to say, “This is not just my opinion, but the official teaching of the Church authority for 2000 years.”

        [“I would also point to the historical context of the church…”]

        Yes! Exactly! The 2000 year old Church whose God-given authority can be historically traced from today all the way back to Christ, Peter and the Apostles. You, my friend, are perhaps closer to being Catholic than you realize. 🙂 I invite you to check us out. I think you might be particularly intrigued by Pope John Paul II and his teachings on The Theology of the Body.

        Keep up the good works! Peace.

        Thomas

        1. Thomas,
          🙂
          You know my heart – it is for the church to become one and all the divisions to be removed. I agree – I am not far from my brothers and sisters who are Catholic. We all have the same God, the same Savior, the same hope, the same body, and partake of the same spiritual food.

          May God tear down every division and give us His Spirit of unity!

          Thanks for the comments!!

          1. No pressure, just a friendly invitation that is always open, of course. 🙂 But, you don’t need to be Catholic to appreciate Theology of the Body. It’s pretty cool stuff and I’ve only scratched the surface of it myself. I would love to hear what you and your husband think about it sometime if you get the chance to look into it. So much of it dovetails with your blog, I think.

  8. What a great post.

    ” It is time for US to become a godly generation of women who live God’s truth no matter what the cost.”

    This is so true. God’s word has been ignored for so long that we’ve raised generations of selfish people. I’m struggling to rid myself of selfishness and it’s so inbred in me that it’s difficult. Worse yet I see it in my grown kids and feel terrible that was what I taught them too.

    Thanks for another awesome message.

  9. It makes sense and verses are calming. Why does my wife have such a disdain for your blog. She is intent on destroying her kids lives, so she can do what she wants. Kids and taking care of house and being kind to husband come second.

    1. MJ,
      Women who have embraced the world’s wisdom do not like to hear God’s design, His structure for authority in the family or church or His Word when it convicts them.. Many women respond to the concept of respecting their husbands with contempt. And then if you talk about biblical submission, that really gets a lot of women extremely upset.

      Why? Because we are daughters of Eve. We want control. We want to take over. We have pride in our hearts.

      The more like Christ our husbands are, the easier it is for us to also obey God. But a wife can still be disrespectful and controlling even if she has a very godly husband. Her disrespect, in my view, shows the level of respect she has for God. This is primarily about how much she is abiding in Christ. The more she yields herself humbly to Jesus, the more willing she will be to hear and be open to His Word.

      We will pray that God might open her eyes and bring healing to your marriage for His glory and honor!

  10. thank you for your blog! as a wife, i really am more interested in what i can do differently, since i finally came to the point where i realized the only person i control is me. the only person i can change (with God doing most- if not all- of the work) is me!
    so, im thankful that you skip over what hubby did wrong, should do, could have done, & go straight to what us wives can do. and, speaking plainly. i appreciate your work. thank you

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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