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A Wife Under Construction

189776_7024
This story is from a wife who is deeply hurting in a very troubled marriage. 
First comes the demolition work.
  • conviction of sin – seeing the beam in our own eye for the first time
  • repentance – turning away from our ways that offend God
  • crucifying the old sinful nature – dying to self – laying down our plans, our wisdom, our dreams, our desires, our hopes, our expectations and yielding completely to God
  • tearing out any idols – things we have set our hearts on other than Christ
  • tearing out all the worldly ideas and ungodly mindsets and any sin – letting God have free reign to remove all that is diseased in our hearts

Then the building

  • making Jesus LORD – being willing to completely surrender to Him and being willing to trust Him no matter what the outcome
  • beginning to walk in faith, trust and obedience by the power of God’s Spirit filling us  (we HAVE to be plugged in to His power-  we cannot do this on our own!) – we learn and stumble and learn more.  It is a struggle.  But we learn to lean on God’s wisdom not our own understanding.  We learn He is faithful. We learn His ways bring peace and joy and purpose.  We learn His commands bring freedom.  We long to know Him more and more.
 One of them is allowing me to share her story  – and I hope to get to share others soon, too.  I know that many wives and marriages will be greatly impacted by what God is doing in these precious wives’ souls.  This wife’s husband had become very distant.  He had been having an affair for months (which is totally wrong and utterly sinful on his part.  He will answer to God for that – and each of us will answer to God for our own sin, too.).  She didn’t know until this fall that he was being unfaithful and when she found out she asked him to leave (totally understandable!).  
God got hold of this wonderful sister of mine a few weeks ago.  I want you to get to see these painful first weeks of struggle and learning to completely surrender to God in an extremely difficult situation and how God changes US first.  (You can see her first raw lightbulb moment here.)  God is doing something BEAUTIFUL in this woman’s heart.  She has a long road to travel.  She is still in the beginning of this journey.  I can’t wait to see what He has in store for her!  Pray for her, please!  Pray for God’s greatest glory and for His will to be done!  Pray for healing for both the husband and wife – that BOTH may be reconciled to Christ and for healing in this marriage according to God’s will.
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 I just so wish I had started doing something about (my behavior/attitude) when (my husband) STILL lived with me.  Instead I could only focus on my own pain.  I did cry out to Jesus, I was a Christian (been one for a long time).  But I never looked at myself the right way, and I never took my husband down off the pedestal I had him on.  Not in a good way either.  I knew there was something wrong and I suspected he was cheating and I lambasted him with it all the time.  Turns out I was right.  Unfortunately.
Now, he is been gone since 2 days before Thanksgiving.  And last night, we got into a huge fight, and even though I have been SO good the last few weeks, I let my anger get the best of me and so once again, all he saw was the same old me.  Even though he was being a total (jerk)!!!!  He refuses to take responsibility for anything, is still unrepentent and still continues to throw in my face, “You kicked me out”.  Um, yea,  cuz you were sleeping with another woman for the previous 10 months and lying to my face about it.  But, he honestly gets furious when I point that out.  It’s almost funny.  As if I just woke up one day and decided to kick my husband out of the house for no apparent reason!
BUT REGARDLESS…  I still am totally responsible for my lack of self control.  I had my finger in his face.  GASP!  I thought I was doing so well and had come so far.  Boy oh Boy.
But, here is the good news.
He broke up with his girlfriend.
Ironically enough, because of last weekend, when I refused to watch the kids for him so he and her could go to a show together.  I told him no, and said it was his weekend, and if he was choosing to go on a date during his time with his kids, he would need to get a sitter.  And I left it alone.  I found out he was out with her BOTH nights and left my kids with his mom all weekend.  Of course he blames me for this and says I should have “done the right thing” and kept the kids.
Turns out, he tried to get out of the dates with the ‘she devil’ and the she devil had a fit.  He told me they always agreed the kids would come first and he saw clearly last weekend that she didn’t care about his kids…  Kudos to him.
His next sentence to me was, “I filed for divorce”.
WOW.  But I was still so happy about their year long relationship ending that I was like, ‘yeah, whatever’.
I feel like God totally and finally answered my prayers, in HIS timing.  I know he filed, but, I feel more hope now than I’ve had in a long time. Even though we fought all night while he was there.  He can be something mean!

But, here is my plan…  To continue to totally surrender it to the Lord.  To completely work on me.  God FIX ME…  Come in and heal me of my abandonment issues and rejection issues and trust issues, which have made me defensive and insecure and unable to respect him.  My focus is to get healthy.  I still give the marriage over to the Lord and refuse to make it an idol again.

So he filed.  Big whoop.  Ain’t no thing to God!!!  But, I can’t worry about him or that or anything, except me and loving the Lord with all my heart and soul and mind and strength.  I can’t think about any end results.  Like April said,  bring it back to today.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”  Isaiah 43:18-19
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GREAT POST ABOUT SUBMISSION/RESPECT AND “Does it mean I have to keep my mouth shut all the time?”

4 thoughts on “A Wife Under Construction

  1. Very encouraging -thank you to this wife for sharing. I really needed to hear a lot of this but especially your faith. I identified with so many of the feelings and so much of this journey…it’s easy for me to get stuck in taking the now and projecting it forward. I too am just working on me and I want to say I’m trusting God but I feel like I’m not. I want to fix it and He needs to fix it. I cannot control him, only me. I cannot make him do or feel….but I can seek God and choose my own way and trust that now that I’ve seen the error of my ways that God can heal the years and years of (seemingly irreparable) damage. And my hope is that He will and that my husband will open himself up to that healing.
    Thank you again for sharing your heart, your faith, and your process.

  2. I’m not sure exactly why but this site is loading extremely slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check
    back later and see if the problem still exists.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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