This is an email from a precious wife. I am really happy to get to share her story with you. I think the more stories we can hear about what God has done in other women and marriages, the better! Thank you, Mrs. B!
Let me start by saying, Mr. B and I were not raised in Christian homes. Neither one of us knew anything about the Bible or anything about marriage. If that was not enough, we had several other strikes against us…….
Strike 1~Divorce was rampant in our families. We had some in our family that got new spouses like some get new cars!
Strike 2~When we married, I was 16, Mr B was 18
Strike 3~ We were both the oldest children in our families, and since our parents were divorced and the dads out of the pictures, we were the Alphas of our homes.
BUT……we had a determination we were going to break the divorce cycle!
We both came to know the Lord 5 years into our marriage.
We have served the Lord for 37 yrs now. Even though a miracle had taken place in our lives, we had a lot of baggage to work thru and throw out. I thank God for Grace & Mercy, and for having the patience to help me realize my biblical role in our marriage.
BEING A HELPMEET
I thought I was a great “help-meet” through all of those years.
- I never let him go out of the house not matching
- I always checked his hair for him
- I always directed him in the finances so we would do well
- I told him even when he said things wrong while he was preaching (on the way home) so he wouldn’t look bad the next time
- I always told him when the speed limit changed, so he wouldn’t get a ticket.
- I thought I was “helping” by telling him how he should pray, telling him how to do devotions, you name it and I probably told him “how to”.
Anything I thought he did wrong I corrected him on. Because after all, I knew how things should be and was here to help him.
I have always been a very high drive wife, married to what I thought was a low drive husband. I had many a let-down over lack of sex in that many years. And there were times in prayer I asked the Lord to take this high drive away from me. But God knows best!
THEN ~ 2 yrs ago ~ I came to understand how to truly Respect & Submit. And realized, he did not need another mother, he needed a wife! He did not WANT to make love to his second momma…….I shake my head as I write this.
NOW ~ that he has a wife that truly respects and submits, and I understands that he is a grown man that is capable of making mistakes and we both can live through them, that he makes right decisions without my help, that I was not as smart as I thought I was…….HE is a HIGH DRIVE Husband!!!!
OUR MARRIAGE IS AMAZING NOW
Sure I continually find things that need tweaked about myself. But I have realized that to be in “control” is not my duty. The only thing I need to be in control of is Obeying the Lord, Respecting Mr B, and Submitting to him as the head of our household & marriage.
And you know what ~ we both smile a lot now!!!
And I even have a new nickname that he calls me……..
His Ravishing Ruby.
THIS IS A PROCESS
I don’t mean for it to sound like “one, two, buckle my shoe” and all is well. It was not that simple. There were many years of pain in our family ~ it took and is still taking time to heal. But by the grace of God, we are doing it. One of the hardest things, but one of the most important things that helped me change our marriage was accountability. WHEN I told Mr B what I had learned about myself and the changes I knew I needed to do…..well it was a WOW moment. He then “knew” and could “help” me when I slipped into old habits.
I say all this to let you know, if any of you here are in the same boat ~ share with your husband! Even if it takes sharing my testimony, then admitting. I do not mind at all if you use my testimony as a starter step.
I have had some wives watch my youtube videos lately and find a lot of help from them. Some people learn better by hearing instead of reading, so these videos are for you! One wife told me that she watched some WITH her husband and that it actually was really helpful for him, too, to see that many wives struggle with these issues and that his wife wasn’t unusual.
Here is a link to my channel. 🙂