This wife is SO VERY PRECIOUS to me! We have spent a lot of time hashing through questions, issues, confusion and troubling emotions the past few weeks together. And I can see God at work so powerfully in her. I appreciate her willingness to share her story. I think her perspective might be extremely helpful to other wives who are just beginning their journey towards committing to obey God to respect and submit to their husbands. This is a LONG journey – a lifetime commitment to do things God’s way regardless of our feelings and regardless of our husbands’ response. First – God changes us. First, we have to be convicted of our own sin and then VERY BROKEN and humble. And this is HARD. It feels like contortion and goes against our own wisdom and the world’s wisdom diametrically. But thankfully, God often gives us little victories along the way. That is VERY helpful to keep up the motivation! Enjoy her story!
FROM A WIFE
I have finished Feminine Appeal. It was a good book. (From Peacefulwife – I LOVE that book!) I think the point that stuck out to me (thinking back on the argument my husband and I had a month ago over working/chores/housework that sent me searching the internet for help) was that God called WOMEN to be keepers of the home (Titus 2:5)… and to manage the home (1 Timothy 5:4). Not once did he command men to take care of a home. I had never thought about that before…. and he commanded men to work, not women (Genesis 3:17 and 1 Timothy 5:8). Now, I still believe it is wonderful for my husband to help me when I need help and he wants to but I also see that it is MY responsibility to care for our home. I am still working and plan to continue- but I work from home and can put in 1 hour or 100 so it is very flexible for me to work around my family and be available for them. I just had never really thought about what the bible said on that subject until it was brought to my attention through reading this book.
And I have done some clothes shopping in the last few weeks with modesty in mind (she had asked her husband about her wardrobe, and he asked her to dress more modestly recently) which meant I have been careful to choose tops that have higher necklines and skirts that have a longer hemline. I admit that it was a bit hard to bypass the sexy little tops but I keep remembering when my husband told me, “When you dress like that then you are advertising,” and I am not advertising! I am taken! By shopping for more modest clothing, it has gave me more of a sense of belonging to my husband, and made me feel closer to him. That may not make sense… I am not quite sure how to say what I mean… but I think you will get the point. It is a lovely feeling to know that he doesn’t want anyone else to see what belongs to him.
I am having good days and bad in my quest to follow God’s instructions for wives.
Once in the last week, my husband said something that hurt my feelings and I told him in very simple words. “You hurt my feelings when you said ______” and he immediately apologized. I was nervous that I would have to leave the room if he didn’t and then we might be not speaking for hours but thankfully he responded sweetly and I was happy that handling a minor conflict went easily and was over in the space of two sentances. (That will probably be most wives’ experience, that the more they practice respect and submission, the fewer and fewer conflicts there are, and they are much more easily resolved when they do happen!)
Also, although alot of this is NOT natural yet – it is getting to be very natural to say “Whatever you think”, “Whatever you think is best, sweetheart” and “I trust your decision” which is wonderful! I am thankful one part of this is becoming a part of me instead of such a stretch! Hopefully in time all of it will become more natural.
And though my husband has always been loving and used endearments when he speaks with me, he has started using terms of endearment I had not heard in a very long time. Pet names he had only been using extremely rarely are now almost daily occurances.
This is a process. It is a lifetime commitment to obey God and seek Him first and do things His way. Our motives are because we long to please God – NOT because we want our husbands to love us more. It is REALLY important to have the right motives here or you will be stuck and very frustrated.
It takes time for God to change our hearts. This is not an instant thing. His power works in us – but we also must do a lot of hard work ourselves. You are welcome to share your story about learning to respect and submit to God and your husband! I’d love to share your story, too.
Let me know if you have questions – I will do my best to point you to Christ and His Word!