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Other Wives Have "Demons," Too!

Kayla authored a guest post last week that really caught the attention of so many wives – and my husband and me.  There were LOTS of lightbulb moments.  I want to share some of the comments two other wives made that I think might be especially helpful for wives.  We also had a LOT of discussion on the Peacefulwife Blog Facebook page about these things over the weekend that you may want to check out, too!

Please check out my Peacefulwife Blog Facebook Page.  There are a few new videos and posts.  I would especially encourage wives to watch the one about “Judging Our Husbands Wrongly.”  MANY of us are very guilty of this.  I sure was!  It’s time for God to open our eyes to how we are sabotaging our husbands spiritually.

WIFE #1

It’s good to know I’m not the only one battling a demon. Mine works a little differently, but hurts my marriage just as much. Mine questions the motives behind my husbands compliments, turning “you look beautiful today” into there is something wrong with my appearance on other days. Then I don’t accept his compliments with grace. When my husband little things to show his love, my demon twists that into my husband thinks I can’t do that for myself. And my poor husband who is just trying to love me is turned into a bad guy. Questioning his love and his motives is just as disrespectful as belittling him.
I’m just now learning that the demon’s voice is not godly, but is in fact from the father of lies who wants to destroy my marriage. And I’m working on listening to my husband who loves me and listening for the Holy Spirit.

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WIFE #2

This post is amazing! Because I read this post, an unwanted situation was avoided this afternoon between me and my husband. I’m going to share because I am so thankful for the wives who share their progress with us and help us to all grow together in Christ.

I share your views regarding the t.v. I also don’t care for loud sports games screaming into the house via the t.v. Today, my husband was wearing his headphones listening to the Sunday football game as he worked in the yard. I was happy to not have to hear it. He came inside and asked me if I would like to share a cold drink with him on the deck. I said SURE! I was happy that he wanted to take some time out to be with me.

Well…….the headphones did not come off. He smiled at me across the picnic table and gave me the thumbs up every time there was a good play and frowned when his team messed up. If I had not read your post earlier, I would have listened to the demons in my head that were saying, “OMG! Is this man crazy?” “Does he really think I want to sit here and watch him listen to a stupid football game?” “How can he be so insensitive?” “The nerve of him to come ask me to share a cold drink with him and he doesn’t even have the decency to give me his undivided attention!”

Thankfully, your post and your story was fresh in my mind. Because of your insight and willingness to share, I was able to kick the demons out and notice what else was going on. He kept his hand on mine on the picnic table the entire time. He verbalized the play by plays as though he thought I was interested and cared about his team. He was sharing something he loves and enjoys with me, his companion and friend.

I decided to smile back and stay with him in spite of feeling as though I was just a spectator and realized that to him, we were sharing a “moment”. When the game ended, which was only about 20 minutes later, he took off his headphones and said, “Wanna take a walk?” We walked hand in hand enjoyed each other the rest of the afternoon.

If I had not read your story, I feel sure that I would have responded to the “demons” and ruined a perfectly good day!

Thank you, April for providing this wonderful place for wives to grow and share. Thank you kaylagulik for sharing today!

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FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

For me – focusing on a list of my husband’s strengths and adding to that as I thought about it each day was extremely helpful. And I didn’t allow myself the luxury of wallowing in his “failures” anymore. I also began focusing on MY sin – that was humbling. When I saw myself more accurately – that helped me not be so judgmental – I had more sin than he did! And then when I saw God – and began to understand the vastness and power of His sovereignty – I held onto that and scripture and praises for God to fill my mind. Sometimes I would play praise music loudly and sing at the top of my voice. And I immediately confessed sin to God. I hope that helps.
I think it is also helpful to realize that a lot of what that horrible voice says are assumptions – NOT facts! Thinking and meditating on the Philippians 4:8 things about my husband was a good way to counteract the lies with truth.
This DOES get easier. As you resist Satan and have God’s Spirit more and more in control – the accuser’s voice gets softer and softer until – for me – I hardly even hear it anymore. That is where so much peace comes from! I hear God’s voice strongly now and barely hear Satan’s voice. And when I do hear that accuser’s voice – I know to ignore him. I actually kind of smile when I hear it now and think to myself – I am NOT going there again! I pray for all of you to find this supernatural peace of God and the joy that comes with it. :)

I can’t keep this news to myself! Have to share it with all my sisters in Christ that I love!

6 thoughts on “Other Wives Have "Demons," Too!

  1. I can’t get my husband to say nice things to me all the time, but he is always touching me. Sometimes I just wish he’d tell me that he likes me, but now that I’ve figured out that his touches mean love, I’m doing better and I think I’m able to translate.

    1. Sis,

      That is an awesome way to look at the situation! Instead of trying to make our husbands conform to our desires – we learn to translate what they mean and embrace their way of showing love. I think it is a similar concept with God! Instead of trying to make God be what and who I want Him to be – I accept who He really is, marvel at Him and am grateful for what He gives to me.

      Thanks!!!

  2. I can relate to Wife #1, and it took several years before I “got it.” My hubby loves to complement me but would always put myself down rather than just thank him for what he said. One day he told me that it hurt his feelings when I don’t acknowledge the complement for exactly what it is — showing his love and appreciation for me!

    Every so often I *almost* forget, but God is gracious and has helped me accept myself just as I am, and treasure those complements for my loving hubby.

    Thank you, Peacefulwife, for your wonderful blog and ministry to wives who need and want to hear it! Now I need to go check out your Facebook page! How I missed that you have a FB page is beyond me…

    Blessings!
    ~Anna

    1. Anna,
      You are so very welcome! Thanks for sharing a bit of your story, too. I know wives will be inspired when they hear about how God has worked in other wives and marriages. I am so glad you are graciously accepting compliments from your husband now! Great job! That is a huge gift to him when you do that!

      You have a lot of catching up to do on my FB page! I hope it is helpful for you!

  3. What if I can’t (and I mean cannot) respect my husband. I have high functioning autism and everything is very very black and white for me! My husband cusses, uses sarcasm, hurtful joking, he’s immature, impulsive, etc etc etc. I have unconditional love for him and have for the MOST part (as much as any sinful human can have) stopped being mean, insulting, and argumentative towards him. I have done a 180 degree change as far as how God convicted me! I am gracious, let things go, and allow him to be “himself”. I DO NOT accept him or like him. I do not respect his immaturity or actions. He is literally un-respectable to me.

    I loathe so many “things” about his actions and behaviors. I see everything so cut and dried, I cannot see it any other way. I intellectually understand that God loves and forgives us, but I don’t understand not seeing. Do you get what I’m saying. I truly want to love my husband and stay with him (even like if he were a cruel master as God’s word says). How do you “respect” a wicked person? I can TREAT him respectfully I guess. Is that what you are saying. Like say I got a bad car, a real lemon, and instead of kicking it, I take it to the shop. So I take my husband to the “shop” the Great Physician. I do that. But how can you respect cussing, violence, greed???? I can’t respect his choices and behaviors.

    Any help and prayer would be greatly appreciated!

    Love,
    A sister

    1. Corwin,

      Great question!

      You do not ever have to respect sin! None of us are called to do that. And our husbands are not called to love our sin, either.

      But we can respect that our husbands are our husbands. We can respect that they are made in the image of God. We can respect that God loves them and wants them to come to Him and live in the power of Christ. We can respect the good things we find in our men.

      I can understand black and white thinking – I tend toward that myself!

      God does not allow us to hate, loathe, resent our husbands or hold onto bitterness. You can search my home page search bar for “forgiveness,” “bitterness,” and the word “respect” and “disrespect” for articles that may be helpful.

      Yes, instead of abusing him and repaying evil with evil, you can treat him the way Romans 12 describes for how God wants us to treat our enemies. You can also treat him with the love of God described in I Corinthians 13:4-8. And you can be filled with the power of God’s Spirit.

      You can respect that he has free will to make his choices – even if his choices grieve your heart and grieve God’s heart.

      Are you unsafe?

      How is your walk with Christ going?

      Much love to you!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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