"I Was SURE I Would Never Make My Husband into an Idol!"

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A reminder – please always check anything anyone (including myself) says against Scripture and remember that ultimately we must each seek to do what we believe God desires us to do and we are each responsible for our own decisions.

 

From a dear sister in Christ whose marriage is facing many extreme difficulties right now:

It’s funny how God works.

Circumstances, test and trials send us fleeing to the Father’s feet for help (usually to tell on and get Him to “fix” someone else for what they did or are doing to us). Such was the case for me. And, while my case is quite legitimate and my need dire, He still has managed to take my focus more and more OFF my dire and legitimate need/case. As I looked up through teary eyes–with every intention of seeing the sympathy and pity in My Father’s eyes, I so desperately needed–I saw myself…MY SELF…broken, yes, but in my true state…as a sinner.

He’s been a mirror to me; and is showing me some things about myself that I just didn’t even know existed. I’m sitting here–having put away (for the time being) every print out and book on marriage, relationships, winning my husband over, etc. It’s not that those aren’t of interest. On the contrary. They are medicine to my aching heart, and aid to my searching soul.

However, the Lord showed me one shocking thing yesterday. The reason I had thoughts of killing myself over this whole thing is because…my husband is my IDOL!

I couldn’t believe it, when God told me. I’m sitting there like “umm…no, Sir!! Thank YOU very much. I don’t even do that!!” Soo… (and don’t laugh), to prove myself right (since I just couldn’t bring myself to even think I was going to prove God wrong) *smh*, I googled “tear down the idols in my life.” That search yielded, among other things, one of your posts “The Biggest Problem in Our Marriages and Our Spiritual Lives” and a few questionnaires.

I printed your post, and glimpsed one of the questionnaires entitled “How Do You Identify Your Idols”. One of the lines in the post is “Are you ready for some painful examples?” I thought, “Ha! I’m ready, because I KNOW, I’m not going to fit into any of these scenario questions!” Imagine my surprise when I saw questions like

  • “What are you most afraid of?”
  • “What do you long for most passionately?”
  • “Where do you run for comfort?”
  • Here’s the one that kicked me in the rear… “What do you complain about most?”
  • “What do I want to have more than anything else?”
  • The one that brought tears to my eyes is “What do you make the biggest sacrifices for?” That one got me at my core, because I knew the answer was NOT “Jesus.”

The answer to all of those questions is – “my husband.”

*Silent awe.*

I couldn’t believe it. I hadn’t even realized this is what I’ve come to.

Before my husband and I reunited, I was SOOO close to God. He was my everything!! It was me and Him all the way. I’d look forward to our time together at the end of the day. He’d be the last thing on my mind, and I’d truly rest in Him every night and wake up to/with Him each day. When my husband came along, none of that changed. As a matter of fact, I drew closer to God, because I was so grateful for the blessing of my husband. I remember seeking God for our son, when everything said having him was almost impossible. God blessed us abundantly!

But then… somewhere along the line …I took my eyes off of Jesus and placed them SOLELY on my husband. Instead of God being the one I rested in and the last voice I heard, it was hubby. When God woke me up in the mornings, hubby (and what he was or wasn’t doing) was already playing through my mind, as if somehow there was a movie that never got turned off. Instead of running to the Word (like I used to…even sleeping with it like a teddy bear in my arms), I’d reach for the cell phone to see what text my “heart” sent for me.

…*sigh*…

I’m sharing this with you now; but it’s really humbling and heart breaking to see all the damage I’ve done to my ONE…my Savior…my FATHER…my Friend…my true LOVE. I left Jesus for my husband; and propped that man up on God’s throne in my heart (like it was mine to give). Then, I ached literally (almost) to death, because hubby wasn’t doing/being/giving all the things that role requires. I just didn’t realize what I was doing…what I’d done, until God showed me.

So, while I am still praying and waiting for The Lord to redeem me and my husband (and restore our marriage), I am donning my yellow rubber gloves and doing some soul cleaning with God. I need to truly be transformed (from glory to glory) by the renewing of my mind–becoming more and more like Christ each day.

RELATED:

How to Make Your Husband into an Idol

My Identity and Security Is Found Only in Christ!

Prayingwife Stops Trying to Control and Begins to Trust God

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I am so excited to share what God is doing in Prayingwife’s heart. I know you will be blessed and encouraged, too:

Wow! I have wanted to comment since yesterday (on Godlywifetobe’s Step 2 post)! I was blessed to be spending some much needed adult time with my husband – just him and I! We are doting parents of a toddler and it is good for a very small break every now and again! Godlywifetobe, praise God for your journey!! I struggle with much of the same issues and “tapes” playing! So much, that I almost could have been the one writing this piece?!

God is amazing! I, too, have been a slave to attempted control, only to squeeze so tightly, realizing it will all slip through my fingers! God spoke to me definitively last week. “Let it go”. So I released all of my pseudo control in my marriage and with my husband.

God has us! We are all free to make our own choices and decisions each day which may affect those around us – for good or for evil. I cannot control those around me; I cannot manipulate or force others to behave how I think they should. AND I SHOULDN’T!! What kind of pressure is that? God is much better at holding each of us up. He loves us!! God desires us to love one another, honor our husbands, and glorify Him!

Dying to self is so painful!!

I have been on this journey for over a year… for every step I take forward, there are times when I take 2 steps back. It can be madness! That is my sinful self… holding tight. I get mad at myself, I know better, I’m ashamed because if I was truly trusting God then I wouldn’t be holding tight to this sinful self, this control!

My biggest fears:
1) my husband could leave me
2) my husband could cheat on me
3) he could stop loving me
4) he may be bound by certain behaviors forever

Truth:
1) God will never leave me! I would still continue to exist if my husband left me.

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (NIV)

2) We are all sinners! God will always provide comfort no matter our trials.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

3) My husband does love me now. I cannot live in fear. I am missing out on the now, worried about the future.
He may never love me as Christ loves the church, yet my respect isn’t conditional to his love.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

4) My husband is a believer!

Jeremiah 24:7
7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.

2 Peter 2:9The Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials. 

GOD’S PEACE
There are so many biblical truths that override and erase the lying insecurities that whisper (and sometimes scream) inside of my head! Since I have told God I would relinquish the thought of control and cried out asking Him to help me give it up, because I was not strong enough to do it on my own… an enormous weight has been lifted!

I do feel peace. God gave me peace! I was still and quiet and He replaced those tapes with His truth and comfort. As long as I continue to dig into His word, I can draw closer to Him!

This does not mean my trials are over, but I may be allowing God to do a new work in me by laying down this small (yet so big for me) thing.

As far as my idols, my fear and insecurity have at times unfortunately been larger than my love for Christ – NOT INTENTIONALLY, and not logically, but sadly, with my actions and my thoughts that crowded the truth out.

I question have I made my marriage an idol? Maybe? Sometimes, perhaps. Yet, my desire to glorify God in my marriage and for us to have the marriage God intended, is not an idol; I pray to submit, to respect, to honor God by living out my life, including my marriage, as God commanded.

I was reading a marriage devotional today. It stated (paraphrased): The devil is the enemy of relationships. A strong marriage is a threat to Him. He is always trying to divide us, he wants to separate us from God, separate us from each other. He tells lies, feeding on our insecurities.

Now that is how the devil operates.

Another truth:

James 4:7

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I love sharing with you women on this journey !! It does give me hope when I see some women struggle where I have struggled, it gives me hope to see you women persevere. And I hope that my words and insight into my journey does the same! I am so far from perfect. My husband still doesn’t trust me not to snap, snoop, or snip, but I am learning, changing and with God’s grace, I will continue to move forward and not backward, and eventually my husband will continue to grow in his journey with God.

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

I love seeing God working in this precious wife’s life! Please pray with me for her to learn to fully submit herself to Him, to accept all that Jesus has already accomplished on her behalf in dying for her sins, being raised in victory over death and sin and living in resurrection power. I pray that Prayingwife might see that from God’s point of view, she died with Jesus on the cross, was buried with Him, and was raised to new life in Him. She is one with Jesus, so His history is her history. God looks at her and sees what He did in Jesus and through Him. She had full access to Jesus’ death and her sinful nature was crucified in Christ and buried. She is now dead to her old sinful nature and to self and to this world. All she has to do is to receive that and praise God for His work! And she is now alive in Christ and He lives in her. She has the very Spirit of God living in her body. They are one in Spirit now. They are inseparable. Whatever she has now belongs to Jesus. Whatever He has now belongs to her. Now she has access to all the riches and wealth of heaven and all the power of the God of the universe through Christ. And she doesn’t have to try harder, all she has to do is rest in His promises, stand on them and thank and praise God for what He has done and He will do the work through her and for her. I am so thankful God is able to empower us to have victory over sin! I can’t wait to see all He has in store!

RELATED:

Fear Fuels Our Need to Control
Facing Our Deepest Fears

Experiencing God’s Victory Over Our Fears

Godlywifetobe Begins Her Journey

Godlywifetobe Step 2 – Facing Her Fears

Control and Boundaries

What Causes a Woman to Become Controlling? Peacefulwife Youtube Video

How to Avoid Becoming a Controlling, Disrespectful Wife