"My Husband Wants to Go WHERE!?!?!?!" – From the Archives

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From a reader. When we submit ourselves fully to Christ and live by faith and obedience to Him – life is such an adventure.  We never know what He might do!  THANK YOU to this precious wife for sharing her story and to God be all the glory!!!!!

BAD NEWS

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart sank when I heard my husband say that he was planning to take a trip to Las Vegas with a single guy friend from work. You’d have to know a great deal of our relationship history to fully understand why this hit me the way it did, but nevertheless I was distraught over it. I think most wives would feel a little uncomfortable with the idea of their man going away to a place like Las Vegas without them. I felt VERY uncomfortable, given my husband’s past issues.

THINGS HAD BEEN IMPROVING SO MUCH LATELY!

Things had been really looking up for our family, especially within my marriage. I was finally coming to a point where God was really showing me so much about what it means to be a respectful and submissive wife. I was effectively putting it all into practice, and I was really watching the changes happen. My husband was again warming up to me, after I had made him flee, so to speak, with my controlling words and behavior in the past.

Our marriage had been very broken. Once I stopped trying to force him to get close with God and backed off, he began to take an interest in God again. He started to really step up as a leader of our family in many ways I had never seen in all the previous years of our marriage. He wanted to have a pure life like I did, and after all the years of struggling, for us to be in a place where we both wanted the same thing was really amazing. What was even more amazing was the fact that I was able to understand so many new things about what to do and not do as a wife.

I really felt like things were finally going to be okay, and I wasn’t going to have to deal with the same old behaviors from my husband.

As it turns out, I might always have to deal with those things, and just maybe, he might always have to deal with me struggling to be a respectful wife and messing it up more often than not. Unfortunately, we are sinners. This is the reality of all marriages, and I am learning A LOT about this. That is not to say that God can’t transform our hearts and make us more like Him everyday, but we will always struggle with our flesh. It would be foolish to believe that our husband’s are not going to make mistakes and hurt us.

MY FEELINGS ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR THE TRIP

When my husband told me about wanting to go to Las Vegas, I did not take it well. I tried very hard to respond as best as I could with many of the tools I’d learned from God and from April’s site, but it was hard. I was so confused. I thought my husband wanted to leave these ways behind.

  • Why would he want to run off and be in a place like that with his single friend?
  • Was I being judgmental by thinking this?
  • I thought he didn’t want to even drink anymore.
  • Why did he have to pick Las Vegas?
  • What would happen there?

My mind was racing. I should also mention that my husband works two jobs everyday so I can stay home with our sons. I am eternally grateful that he does this for us, but it can be very difficult, because we hardly see him at all during the week. It felt so wrong that he would take vacation time and be away from us by choice. It also hurt my heart deeply that he didn’t pick me to come along.

I wanted so desperately for him to want to whisk me away on a romantic trip and be his first choice as a companion.

All of these emotions were flying around in my head, and it was so painful. I knew in my heart that I really had been doing the things God asked me to do in my marriage and as a wife, so I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I would have understood him wanting to go with someone else if I were still being controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful, but I knew I wasn’t. I was actively making sure I wasn’t.

WHAT I DID

I did tell my husband all of the different emotions I was feeling. That was also hard for me, because in the past I had really worried about how he would react when I shared negative feelings with him. God helped me through this, however, and I was able to share all of the issues I had more calmly than I would have in the past. Instead of demanding him to respond to everything I said, I let it be. This is also very different for me, because normally I’d be asking a million questions like what do you think or are you mad I feel this way… but, I didn’t. I let him take what I said into consideration and then I had to let God do the rest.

GOD WORKED IN MY HEART – A LOT!

Over the course of a month I struggled with trying to accept that he was going on this trip and trying to mold my feelings to accompany that as a truth. I still felt like it was wrong though. I kept praying that God’s will would prevail, whether it was for my husband to go or not.

This was a pivotal time for me in my relationship with God, because I started to realize that my motives were not necessarily right when it came to what I was trying to achieve as a wife. I wanted to be a good wife, but I also expected that my husband was going to be a good husband as a result. That is not always the truth. God really showed me that

I need to be a good wife for Him. I need to make sure I’m being submissive and respectful for God regardless of what my husband is doing/not doing.

That was VERY eye opening for me. It was also a giant test, because I had to blindly trust God through it. I didn’t know how I’d survive those days he’d be away not knowing what was going on, but I had to just keep handing those fearful thoughts and feelings to God.

GOD WAS AT WORK WITH MY HUSBAND, TOO – UNBEKNOWNST TO ME!

Last week my husband came home from work and told me we needed to talk. My stomach was in knots, because I assumed he wanted to go over when he was leaving and all the details of the trip. Instead, he told me he realized that it was wrong to go with his friend. He said he left the whole trip in God’s hands and it was completely falling through. When they went to book the flight, the website would not accept their credit cards for some mysterious (GOD) reason. I guess his friend kept changing his mind as well.

My husband acknowledged that it was definitely the hand of God. He said he was very sorry, and that he wanted to make the family more of a priority. He then informed me that he wanted to take me on a trip instead! We will be going on vacation together at the beginning of next month!

I really am in awe of what God did with this situation. It’s hard for me to even express in words how thankful I am. The lessons I am learning are priceless.

MY MESSAGE TO WIVES

What I really want to say to wives is that you need to expect that your husband is going to mess up and do crazy things, but you can’t let that affect how you behave as a wife. Keep seeking God. Keeping asking Him to give you the strength to be the wife He wants you to be. He will equip you, and when things look grim, He is there, and you can most definitely trust Him. He will use your behavior and your faith to bring about positive changes in your husband, but it won’t always be in the way that you want or expect. It may just be a two steps forward, three steps back type of thing, but take heart, God is at work!

God works everything together for the good (of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose Romans 8:28). When I was struggling with all the confusion of this situation I felt like I couldn’t see what good would come from it at all, but then I remembered who God really is, and I knew I could trust Him with this.

If this hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have realized my focus in seeking to be a godly wife is to be God and only God. I learned that we can’t get stuck on the plans and ideas other people have. God can definitely step in the way and change things into how He wants them to be. As wives we need to fully and completely fix our eyes on God, and not have our focus on everything that is going on around us. God is in control.

So, this was really hard, but it was also really amazing and good for me. I think so many of the things we go through as wives are like that. Lessons are hard, but so very valuable. I pray that we keep close to God so we can grasp all the wisdom He wants to give us, and that we can be that godly loving example of Him to everyone around us. 🙂

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!  He IS able!  He is sovereign – even over our husbands.  We can trust Him.  I can’t guarantee that every story will work out just like this one. But as we seek the Lord wholeheartedly and yield ourselves completely to submission to Him, He will truly use all things for His glory and our ultimate good when we yield to Him and put our faith in Him.  WHAT A STORY!  THANK YOU, LORD!

OTHER WIVES – if you have a story about how God worked in your marriage, or is working  in you and your marriage – please leave me your story on my Contact page – let me know that you would like for me to share it. I may share it anonymously as a post!

How God Used an Old Truck and a Wife’s Great Faith

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This is a reader’s response to my post about the opportunity I had to sell my minivan.  (You can find part 1 here, and part 2 here from that series)  I LOVE her story!   This is a beautiful real life example of how obeying God’s Word, showing respect for our husbands, honoring their leadership and taking our desires and needs to God in prayer give God opportunities to do miracles in our lives!  This is a GOOD one.  I know many wives are about to be greatly blessed!  Thank you to this precious wife for sharing!

FROM A WIFE:

I would like to share a testimony of God working in my marriage.  This happened over 10 years ago, so maybe I am remembering it simply for my own encouragement! It seems we never stop learning!

We owned an old Toyota pickup truck that had been very useful but we had come to a point that it really was a spare vehicle (my husband had received a work vehicle through employment that was only to be used for his job). We needed to have some work done on our house, which required a certain amount of money that would be due to our insurance agency to pay for the deductable. We did not have the money to pay the insurance deductable.

One morning I believed that God had put it on my heart that by selling the Toyota (which we really no longer needed) we would then have the amount needed to pay our insurance company so that we could repair our floor beam in the bathroom. The tiles were beginning to pop up and the tub was beginning to sink! It was not something that could continually be put off!

Any time I would talk to my husband about either issue, (the truck being sold/ or the bathroom problem) he would not really listen to me or give any suggestions. It was very frustrating. One day I told him that I believed we should sell the truck. He disagreed and said that he liked that truck and didn’t want to sell it. He never came up with any other options.

One day as I was talking to the Lord, I mentioned to Him that possibly I misunderstood what I believed he had put on my heart. After all, why would he give me the impression in prayer that the truck would provide the necessary money if my husband would not sell the truck? I did not mention selling the truck any more.

I simply told God that I knew that if selling the truck was our answer, that He could certainly sell it without even a for sale sign on the truck!

Well… a few weeks later (I had forgotten that I have even talked to the Lord about it) my husband and I were sitting in our living room and a man knocks on the door. My husband gets it and when he comes back into the room he explains that some man was asking him if he would consider selling the pickup truck in the driveway. My husband told him “NO, it is not for sale”. This truck at the time had probably close to 200,000 miles on it, not in mint condition, had no air conditioning!

Immediately, I remembered my private time with the Lord, and I got tickled! At this point I did mention to my husband that I had been praying about the truck and what to do. Well, quite a bit of time went by and we did nothing. The bathroom continued to get worse. The same man stopped by another time when I was at home alone asking me if my husband would reconsider selling the truck. Nope, my husband had no interest in selling.

One day I was driving with my two older sons and felt someone was following me. I quickly turned into a convenience store and the car followed me in. I went inside with my sons and purchased them Slurpees. The same man approached me and with exasperation said, “Would you PLEASE ask your husband if he would NOW sell that pickup??? I have cash with me. (he was offering twice what we paid for it) I will meet him right now in the parking lot if he will simply bring me the title it could be a done deal!!” I couldn’t believe it! I went straight home, it was a late Friday afternoon. Told my husband that now this man had met me at a convenience store and was asking to PLEASE buy the truck. You know what?? That day, the offer was perfect for my husband!!!

He found the title, signed it, met the man in the parking lot. The rest was history! I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS STORY THE REST OF MY LIFE!

God can make an old pickup look like a shiny diamond to someone. He doesn’t even need a for sale sign!!!

…..and yes, I finally got my bathroom taken care of! Thank God!

FROM PEACEFULWIFE

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this story!  

Obviously – God DID lay the idea of selling the truck on this wife’s heart.

And what a beautiful example of respecting her husband and submitting to his leadership she gave here – even though she was frustrated with her husband’s lack of action.

  • What if she had tried to force things?  
  • What if she hadn’t trusted God?
  • What if she hadn’t prayed?
  • What if her heart was so full of unforgiveness/bitterness/pride/wanting control herself that she hadn’t heard God to start with?
  • What if she tried to override her husband?
  • What if she complained and nagged and pressured him about selling the truck?

I think this story would have had a very different outcome.

Please notice:

  • God WAS able to lead this wife even though her husband was passive.
  • God used this situation to increase the faith of both the husband and the wife  – and now many hundreds of other people as well!
  • There was a long time of waiting involved for the wife – but it was for God’s ultimate glory!
  • God does miracles in proportion to our faith.  Where there is little faith, there are few miracles.  Where there is big faith, there are big miracles – not always what we expect or pray for – but when we seek God’s glory – He will work mightily in our lives!

When this wife was living in obedience to God, was full of His Spirit, able to hear His voice, had faith and took her concerns to Him in prayer, told her husband what she believed God wanted them to do, respected her husband, cooperated with his leadership (even though she didn’t agree with him) – look at the miracle God did!  WOW!  It required a lot of patience and waiting on her part.  But it was WORTH it!

Focus on TODAY

Dirt Road with Maple Trees in Winter Sunrise

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,

what you will eat or drink;

or about your body, what you will wear.

Is not life more important than food,

and the body more important than clothes?

The pagans run after all these things,

and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25,32-34

One of the most freeing concepts Jesus offers us, in my mind, is the concept of living in today.  Not zooming ahead to tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, 10 years from now… but just focusing on living in this moment today and trusting God for our needs today, then leaving tomorrow in His capable hands.

Of course I believe we are to be godly stewards and to be responsible with what God has given us.  I don’t believe it would honor God for us to blow all our money on today and make no financial plan for tomorrow at all… but my faith is not in my finances.  My faith is ultimately in Jesus Christ.

I don’t know what will happen later today – much less 5 years from now.  Only God knows the future.  And He knows how to get me to the place where He wants me to be.  I don’t know the way!  He will give me the light I need today for my steps today.

WORRY AND ANXIETY

I used to worry constantly.  Back when I trusted myself instead of God.  I was all the time trying to figure out how to MAKE things happen right in the future and how to avoid bad things and make sure to do everything RIGHT all the time so I and my family would be “safe.”

I didn’t realize that I was picturing the future WITHOUT God.  Of course, that makes sense to me now, because I was living in the present without His Spirit having control in my life – so that would be the way I would picture the future, too.   I was trying to figure it all out on my own and in my wisdom and power.  It was an illusion.  I didn’t have control in reality.  And it was depressing and very stressful picturing trying to figure out every possible scenario that might happen and trying to be sovereign and make everyone and everything in my life go the “right” way in my view.

Worry is such a slap in the face to Jesus.  It means I don’t trust Him.  I HAVE to choose one or the other.  I can worry and try to control things myself, or I can have faith in Jesus and have intimacy with Him.  I cannot have both faith and worry!

Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.  Hebrews 11:6

I used to have such weak “trust muscles” as Laura Doyle calls them in “The Surrendered Wife” (not a Christian book, but a helpful book and practical book for figuring out how to relinquish control and how to begin to respect ourselves, our husbands and how to trust.)

When he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.  James 1:6-7

FAITH

Jesus commands me not to worry and not to live today obsessing about my needs being met in the future.  He wants me to see that He is here with me now, and He will be with me tomorrow.  And He is ABLE to meet my needs.  When I trust Him, I know that He can and will use all things for my ultimate good and His glory.  THAT must be my goal!  To seek God’s will and His glory in everything in my life.

Then, I can relax and rest in the love of God – and SAVOR the gifts of today with contentment, gratitude, joy and peace.

ONE WIFE’S STORY OF COMING TO LIVE IN REAL FAITH (This wife’s husband just left her a few weeks ago suddenly and without much warning – and she has not heard from him since)

It’s SO hard to explain things because there are so many unanswered things. I am in a scary place with my future and a week ago, I wrestled with myself and God. I said that either I believe all that He tells me in the Bible (including that He provides for me, He protects me, He loves me, He will Never abandon me …. ) or I don’t believe all He tells me.

(From Peacefulwife – this is EXACTLY the place I had to come to 4 years ago, also!)

I came to a point in that painful time with Him, where I said “I am going to believe that You are who You say You are. I have been walking with you over 25 years and have held on to fears, control, worry, doubt. I don’t want to have that anymore. I want to believe with calm assurance that You are who You say You are.

Something in me broke.

In a moment, the excruciating pain in my chest and the heavy pain in me was gone. I don’t have any answers but have told God that I will trust Him to provide for my every need from now until the day I die. I asked for His forgiveness for so many things. I cry as I write all this. I am so thankful that He loves and takes care of me.

FROM PEACEFULWIFE

This kind of brokenness, humility and decision to put our faith in Christ is EXACTLY what Jesus longs to see in each of us.  NOW – He can start powerfully working in this precious wife’s heart in ways that He couldn’t before because of her lack of faith and her trying to be in control.

I can’t wait to see what God has in store for her!!!  And I can’t wait to see what He has in store for you!!!!!

"My Husband Wants to Go WHERE!?!?!?!"

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From a reader.  THANK YOU to this precious wife for sharing her story and to God be all the glory!!!!!

BAD NEWS

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart sank when I heard my husband say that he was planning to take a trip to Las Vegas with a single guy friend from work. You’d have to know a great deal of our relationship history to fully understand why this hit me the way it did, but nevertheless I was distraught over it. I think most wives would feel a little uncomfortable with the idea of their man going away to a place like Las Vegas without them. I felt VERY uncomfortable, given my husband’s past issues.

THINGS HAD BEEN IMPROVING SO MUCH LATELY!

Things had been really looking up for our family, especially within my marriage. I was finally coming to a point where God was really showing me so much about what it means to be a respectful and submissive wife. I was effectively putting it all into practice, and I was really watching the changes happen. My husband was again warming up to me, after I had made him flee, so to speak, with my controlling words and behavior in the past.

Our marriage had been very broken. Once I stopped trying to force him to get close with God and backed off, he began to take an interest in God again. He started to really step up as a leader of our family in many ways I had never seen in all the previous years of our marriage. He wanted to have a pure life like I did, and after all the years of struggling, for us to be in a place where we both wanted the same thing was really amazing. What was even more amazing was the fact that I was able to understand so many new things about what to do and not do as a wife. I really felt like things were finally going to be okay, and I wasn’t going to have to deal with the same old behaviors from my husband.

As it turns out, I might always have to deal with those things, and just maybe, he might always have to deal with me struggling to be a respectful wife and messing it up more often than not. Unfortunately, we are sinners. This is the reality of all marriages, and I am learning A LOT about this. That is not to say that God can’t transform our hearts and make us more like Him everyday, but we will always struggle with our flesh. It would be foolish to believe that our husband’s are not going to make mistakes and hurt us.

MY FEELINGS ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR THE TRIP

When my husband told me about wanting to go to Las Vegas, I did not take it well. I tried very hard to respond as best as I could with many of the tools I’d learned from God and from April’s site, but it was hard. I was so confused. I thought my husband wanted to leave these ways behind.

  • Why would he want to run off and be in a place like that with his single friend?
  • Was I being judgmental by thinking this?
  • I thought he didn’t want to even drink anymore.
  • Why did he have to pick Las Vegas?
  • What would happen there?

My mind was racing. I should also mention that my husband works two jobs everyday so I can stay home with our sons. I am eternally grateful that he does this for us, but it can be very difficult, because we hardly see him at all during the week. It felt so wrong that he would take vacation time and be away from us by choice. It also hurt my heart deeply that he didn’t pick me to come along. I wanted so desperately for him to want to whisk me away on a romantic trip and be his first choice as a companion.

All of these emotions were flying around in my head, and it was so painful. I knew in my heart that I really had been doing the things God asked me to do in my marriage and as a wife, so I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I would have understood him wanting to go with someone else if I were still being controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful, but I knew I wasn’t. I was actively making sure I wasn’t.

WHAT I DID

I did tell my husband all of the different emotions I was feeling. That was also hard for me, because in the past I had really worried about how he would react when I shared negative feelings with him. God helped me through this, however, and I was able to share all of the issues I had more calmly than I would have in the past. Instead of demanding him to respond to everything I said, I let it be. This is also very different for me, because normally I’d be asking a million questions like what do you think or are you mad I feel this way… but, I didn’t. I let him take what I said into consideration and then I had to let God do the rest.

GOD WORKED IN MY HEART – A LOT!

Over the course of a month I struggled with trying to accept that he was going on this trip and trying to mold my feelings to accompany that as a truth. I still felt like it was wrong though. I kept praying that God’s will would prevail, whether it was for my husband to go or not.

This was a pivotal time for me in my relationship with God, because I started to realize that my motives were not necessarily right when it came to what I was trying to achieve as a wife. I wanted to be a good wife, but I also expected that my husband was going to be a good husband as a result. That is not always the truth. God really showed me that I need to be a good wife for Him. I need to make sure I’m being submissive and respectful for God regardless of what my husband is doing/not doing.

That was VERY eye opening for me. It was also a giant test, because I had to blindly trust God through it. I didn’t know how I’d survive those days he’d be away not knowing what was going on, but I had to just keep handing those fearful thoughts and feelings to God.

GOD WAS AT WORK WITH MY HUSBAND, TOO – UNBEKNOWNST TO ME!

Last week my husband came home from work and told me we needed to talk. My stomach was in knots, because I assumed he wanted to go over when he was leaving and all the details of the trip. Instead, he told me he realized that it was wrong to go with his friend. He said he left the whole trip in God’s hands and it was completely falling through. When they went to book the flight, the website would not accept their credit cards for some mysterious (GOD) reason. I guess his friend kept changing his mind as well.

My husband acknowledged that it was definitely the hand of God. He said he was very sorry, and that he wanted to make the family more of a priority. He then informed me that he wanted to take me on a trip instead! We will be going on vacation together at the beginning of next month!

I really am in awe of what God did with this situation. It’s hard for me to even express in words how thankful I am. The lessons I am learning are priceless.

MY MESSAGE TO WIVES

What I really want to say to wives is that you need to expect that your husband is going to mess up and do crazy things, but you can’t let that affect how you behave as a wife. Keep seeking God. Keeping asking Him to give you the strength to be the wife He wants you to be. He will equip you, and when things look grim, He is there, and you can most definitely trust Him. He will use your behavior and your faith to bring about positive changes in your husband, but it won’t always be in the way that you want or expect. It may just be a two steps forward, three steps back type of thing, but take heart, God is at work!

God works everything together for the good (of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose Romans 8:28). When I was struggling with all the confusion of this situation I felt like I couldn’t see what good would come from it at all, but then I remembered who God really is, and I knew I could trust Him with this.

If this hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have realized my focus in seeking to be a godly wife is to be God and only God. I learned that we can’t get stuck on the plans and ideas other people have. God can definitely step in the way and change things into how He wants them to be. As wives we need to fully and completely fix our eyes on God, and not have our focus on everything that is going on around us. God is in control.

So, this was really hard, but it was also really amazing and good for me. I think so many of the things we go through as wives are like that. Lessons are hard, but so very valuable. I pray that we keep close to God so we can grasp all the wisdom He wants to give us, and that we can be that godly loving example of Him to everyone around us. 🙂

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!  He IS able!  He is sovereign – even over our husbands.  We can trust Him.  And He will truly use all things for His glory and our ultimate good when we yield to Him and put our faith in Him.  WHAT A STORY!  It just gives me chills all over.  THANK YOU, LORD!

OTHER WIVES – if you have a story about how God worked in your marriage, or is working  in you and your marriage – please let me know!