"My Husband Wants to Go WHERE!?!?!?!" – From the Archives

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From a reader. When we submit ourselves fully to Christ and live by faith and obedience to Him – life is such an adventure.  We never know what He might do!  THANK YOU to this precious wife for sharing her story and to God be all the glory!!!!!

BAD NEWS

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart sank when I heard my husband say that he was planning to take a trip to Las Vegas with a single guy friend from work. You’d have to know a great deal of our relationship history to fully understand why this hit me the way it did, but nevertheless I was distraught over it. I think most wives would feel a little uncomfortable with the idea of their man going away to a place like Las Vegas without them. I felt VERY uncomfortable, given my husband’s past issues.

THINGS HAD BEEN IMPROVING SO MUCH LATELY!

Things had been really looking up for our family, especially within my marriage. I was finally coming to a point where God was really showing me so much about what it means to be a respectful and submissive wife. I was effectively putting it all into practice, and I was really watching the changes happen. My husband was again warming up to me, after I had made him flee, so to speak, with my controlling words and behavior in the past.

Our marriage had been very broken. Once I stopped trying to force him to get close with God and backed off, he began to take an interest in God again. He started to really step up as a leader of our family in many ways I had never seen in all the previous years of our marriage. He wanted to have a pure life like I did, and after all the years of struggling, for us to be in a place where we both wanted the same thing was really amazing. What was even more amazing was the fact that I was able to understand so many new things about what to do and not do as a wife.

I really felt like things were finally going to be okay, and I wasn’t going to have to deal with the same old behaviors from my husband.

As it turns out, I might always have to deal with those things, and just maybe, he might always have to deal with me struggling to be a respectful wife and messing it up more often than not. Unfortunately, we are sinners. This is the reality of all marriages, and I am learning A LOT about this. That is not to say that God can’t transform our hearts and make us more like Him everyday, but we will always struggle with our flesh. It would be foolish to believe that our husband’s are not going to make mistakes and hurt us.

MY FEELINGS ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR THE TRIP

When my husband told me about wanting to go to Las Vegas, I did not take it well. I tried very hard to respond as best as I could with many of the tools I’d learned from God and from April’s site, but it was hard. I was so confused. I thought my husband wanted to leave these ways behind.

  • Why would he want to run off and be in a place like that with his single friend?
  • Was I being judgmental by thinking this?
  • I thought he didn’t want to even drink anymore.
  • Why did he have to pick Las Vegas?
  • What would happen there?

My mind was racing. I should also mention that my husband works two jobs everyday so I can stay home with our sons. I am eternally grateful that he does this for us, but it can be very difficult, because we hardly see him at all during the week. It felt so wrong that he would take vacation time and be away from us by choice. It also hurt my heart deeply that he didn’t pick me to come along.

I wanted so desperately for him to want to whisk me away on a romantic trip and be his first choice as a companion.

All of these emotions were flying around in my head, and it was so painful. I knew in my heart that I really had been doing the things God asked me to do in my marriage and as a wife, so I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I would have understood him wanting to go with someone else if I were still being controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful, but I knew I wasn’t. I was actively making sure I wasn’t.

WHAT I DID

I did tell my husband all of the different emotions I was feeling. That was also hard for me, because in the past I had really worried about how he would react when I shared negative feelings with him. God helped me through this, however, and I was able to share all of the issues I had more calmly than I would have in the past. Instead of demanding him to respond to everything I said, I let it be. This is also very different for me, because normally I’d be asking a million questions like what do you think or are you mad I feel this way… but, I didn’t. I let him take what I said into consideration and then I had to let God do the rest.

GOD WORKED IN MY HEART – A LOT!

Over the course of a month I struggled with trying to accept that he was going on this trip and trying to mold my feelings to accompany that as a truth. I still felt like it was wrong though. I kept praying that God’s will would prevail, whether it was for my husband to go or not.

This was a pivotal time for me in my relationship with God, because I started to realize that my motives were not necessarily right when it came to what I was trying to achieve as a wife. I wanted to be a good wife, but I also expected that my husband was going to be a good husband as a result. That is not always the truth. God really showed me that

I need to be a good wife for Him. I need to make sure I’m being submissive and respectful for God regardless of what my husband is doing/not doing.

That was VERY eye opening for me. It was also a giant test, because I had to blindly trust God through it. I didn’t know how I’d survive those days he’d be away not knowing what was going on, but I had to just keep handing those fearful thoughts and feelings to God.

GOD WAS AT WORK WITH MY HUSBAND, TOO – UNBEKNOWNST TO ME!

Last week my husband came home from work and told me we needed to talk. My stomach was in knots, because I assumed he wanted to go over when he was leaving and all the details of the trip. Instead, he told me he realized that it was wrong to go with his friend. He said he left the whole trip in God’s hands and it was completely falling through. When they went to book the flight, the website would not accept their credit cards for some mysterious (GOD) reason. I guess his friend kept changing his mind as well.

My husband acknowledged that it was definitely the hand of God. He said he was very sorry, and that he wanted to make the family more of a priority. He then informed me that he wanted to take me on a trip instead! We will be going on vacation together at the beginning of next month!

I really am in awe of what God did with this situation. It’s hard for me to even express in words how thankful I am. The lessons I am learning are priceless.

MY MESSAGE TO WIVES

What I really want to say to wives is that you need to expect that your husband is going to mess up and do crazy things, but you can’t let that affect how you behave as a wife. Keep seeking God. Keeping asking Him to give you the strength to be the wife He wants you to be. He will equip you, and when things look grim, He is there, and you can most definitely trust Him. He will use your behavior and your faith to bring about positive changes in your husband, but it won’t always be in the way that you want or expect. It may just be a two steps forward, three steps back type of thing, but take heart, God is at work!

God works everything together for the good (of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose Romans 8:28). When I was struggling with all the confusion of this situation I felt like I couldn’t see what good would come from it at all, but then I remembered who God really is, and I knew I could trust Him with this.

If this hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have realized my focus in seeking to be a godly wife is to be God and only God. I learned that we can’t get stuck on the plans and ideas other people have. God can definitely step in the way and change things into how He wants them to be. As wives we need to fully and completely fix our eyes on God, and not have our focus on everything that is going on around us. God is in control.

So, this was really hard, but it was also really amazing and good for me. I think so many of the things we go through as wives are like that. Lessons are hard, but so very valuable. I pray that we keep close to God so we can grasp all the wisdom He wants to give us, and that we can be that godly loving example of Him to everyone around us. 🙂

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!  He IS able!  He is sovereign – even over our husbands.  We can trust Him.  I can’t guarantee that every story will work out just like this one. But as we seek the Lord wholeheartedly and yield ourselves completely to submission to Him, He will truly use all things for His glory and our ultimate good when we yield to Him and put our faith in Him.  WHAT A STORY!  THANK YOU, LORD!

OTHER WIVES – if you have a story about how God worked in your marriage, or is working  in you and your marriage – please leave me your story on my Contact page – let me know that you would like for me to share it. I may share it anonymously as a post!

Supporting My Husband’s Leadership

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REMINDER:

We will be starting The Respect Dare July 1st here at peacefulwife!  Get yourself a copy of the book and we will walk through it together prayerfully.  I am so excited to be on this adventure with you!

BEING A LEADER IS A CHALLENGE

Being the God-given leader in a marriage is very difficult many times.  It is a huge responsibility before God for a man to know that he alone stands accountable for the decisions and outcome of those decisions for his family. Particularly if a husband has a wife who is very critical, negative, angry, resentful, blaming, bitter and full of contempt for who he is as a man – being the Christlike, loving leader can be extremely difficult.  Even the best leaders need cooperative followers!  It can be intimidating for a husband to try to begin leading if all he sees from his wife is rejection, disdain and hatred.  For a husband’s take on why it is so difficult for men to lead sometimes, please click here.
WHEN MY HUSBAND MUST MAKE A DECISION FOR OUR FAMILY:
– My feelings and desires are important factors for my husband to consider.
– It is important for me to clearly, calmly, respectfully share my point of view, my feelings, my needs, my concerns and my desires with my husband.  He needs this information from me to be able to make the best decision, particularly if we don’t agree.
– My feelings and desires are not the only factors and, in my view, should not ever be the major factors in decision-making.  My husband is held accountable to God for the decisions he makes.  It is a relief to me to know that he loves me and cares about what I want and how I feel, but he will do what he believes is right and will most honor God.  THANK GOD!  I cannot tell you what a huge burden that lifts from my soul.  I can tell him what I want and how I feel.  But then he evaluates the situation, God’s Word, considers potential outcomes, weighs options on the scale in his mind, prays and does what he believes is best.  I am so thankful that Greg seeks to please God first.
IN HINDSIGHT – I CAN SEE SO MUCH MORE CLEARLY
There were times in our marriage when I have felt SO STRONGLY that we should do something.  I was CERTAIN it was “God’s will” and that what I thought was right was the “only way” things could possibly work out.  My husband listened and considered my feelings and made sure I felt important to him and heard.  But then he did what he thought God wanted him to do.  Many times, later – I could see that my way would have caused a catastrophe.  But I could only see it later in hindsight.
Speaking from my own experience – I actually wish that Greg had gently, firmly called me out on my sin all those years – my disrespect, my control, my idolatry.  I believe I may have repented.  Of course, I don’t know for sure!  But it was not a favor to me, our marriage, my husband or our children to allow me to continue in my sin without any loving rebuke.  The truth – spoken in love – that is what Jesus does.  He does not ignore sin or just take it and pretend it isn’t there.  He addresses it.
Now I am extremely grateful when my husband brings up any sin he sees in my life.
WAYS HUSBANDS MAY LEAD
Each husband will have his own style and priorities.  My husband may not lead in the way I imagine he should.  That is ok!  My job is to support his leadership, honor his leadership and respect him.  I can share concerns and ideas – but ultimately, he will make the decisions about how he leads.  Some may be very hands off.  Some may do a good bit of delegating.  Some may have a very strict schedule.  Some may be relaxed.  Some may want the house cleaned a certain way.  Some may not care much about the house.  Some may pray with their wives every day, some may not.   There is an infinite number of ways that men may choose to lead in their marriages and families.
What matters most is what is important to your particular husband.
 I’d like us to be very careful not to place expectations on our husbands that the Bible doesn’t give for them.

We can trust God to give our husbands wisdom to lead us and our children.  We can pray for our husbands in a humble, respectful way.  We can ask God for His will and His glory in our husband’s lives and in our families.  We can trust God in His incredible sovereignty to lead us through our sinful husbands – even if our husbands are not believers!  If our husbands are not asking us to sin, God may be trying to lead us through them.  God used pagan kings and armies as “His servants” to accomplish His will in the Old Testament.  He holds the hearts of our husbands in His hand – and He can turn their will any way He wants them to go.

****  If your husband is violent, involved in drug/alcohol addiction, has an uncontrolled mental condition or you have SERIOUS problems in your marriage – PLEASE seek godly, experienced help ASAP!  Those things go way beyond the scope of this post or my blog.

SOME WAYS WIVES CAN SUPPORT THEIR HUSBANDS’ GOD-GIVEN LEADERSHIP
  • have a spirit of cooperation about your husband’s decisions and leadership
  • honor his requests of you and do the things he asks of you whenever possible
  • praise him for wise decisions
  • thank him for being the God-given leader in the family
  • speak kindly to him
  • be friendly
  • smile whenever you can!
  • use a pleasant tone of voice
  • don’t complain or argue!
  • DO say what you need, how you feel, what you want in a respectful, pleasant, brief way at a time when he can best hear you
  • speak in a positive way about him when he is there and when he is not with you
  • pray for your husband in private – just between you and God
  • make sure you get the time you need with God so you have His Spirit to empower you to be the godly wife God wants you to be
  • try to get the sleep, rest, nutrition and care your body needs so that you have the energy you need to be respectful and to honor your husband’s decisions
  • allow him to choose the church you attend (unless he asks you to go to a cult).  It is fine to say where you want to go, but if he wants to go somewhere else, please go with him and honor his decision, thanking him for his leadership
  • allow him to choose where to sit if he would like to
  • don’t overcommit yourself to work, hobbies, children’s activities, church activities and ministry, make sure to keep God FIRST and your husband the next priority, then children.
  • listen to your husband and take his advice often
  • check with your husband before committing your time/energy/money to something
  • stick with your husband’s budget
  • be open to him – to his ideas, to his plans, to his dreams, to his sexual  desire for you, to his emotions, to his goals, to his priorities
  • appreciate the wisdom and the unique masculine perspective your husband has to offer
  • use your words to give life and affirm him, not to tear him down
  • support his parenting decisions, close ranks and be on his team so that the children see unity
  • think of yourself as being teammates with your husband.  He is not the enemy!
  • make his job as leader a joyful one by being attentive, affectionate, positive, supportive, encouraging, admiring and full of joy yourself in Christ

OTHER IDEAS?

What are some other ways wives can support their husbands as leaders in the family?  I’d love to hear your ideas!

Ways Husbands Lead that Wives May Not Notice

Prayer for My Husband

It’s a Scary Thing for a Husband to Try to Lead His Wife Sometimes

How to Pray for My Husband so that God Will Hear

How to Support My Husband’s Spiritual Leadership

What is Respect in Marriage?

How to Ask Your Husband for Something so that He Wants to Say Yes!

Do Not Expect Outside Support

What is Disrespectful to Husbands?

How God Used an Old Truck and a Wife’s Great Faith

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This is a reader’s response to my post about the opportunity I had to sell my minivan.  (You can find part 1 here, and part 2 here from that series)  I LOVE her story!   This is a beautiful real life example of how obeying God’s Word, showing respect for our husbands, honoring their leadership and taking our desires and needs to God in prayer give God opportunities to do miracles in our lives!  This is a GOOD one.  I know many wives are about to be greatly blessed!  Thank you to this precious wife for sharing!

FROM A WIFE:

I would like to share a testimony of God working in my marriage.  This happened over 10 years ago, so maybe I am remembering it simply for my own encouragement! It seems we never stop learning!

We owned an old Toyota pickup truck that had been very useful but we had come to a point that it really was a spare vehicle (my husband had received a work vehicle through employment that was only to be used for his job). We needed to have some work done on our house, which required a certain amount of money that would be due to our insurance agency to pay for the deductable. We did not have the money to pay the insurance deductable.

One morning I believed that God had put it on my heart that by selling the Toyota (which we really no longer needed) we would then have the amount needed to pay our insurance company so that we could repair our floor beam in the bathroom. The tiles were beginning to pop up and the tub was beginning to sink! It was not something that could continually be put off!

Any time I would talk to my husband about either issue, (the truck being sold/ or the bathroom problem) he would not really listen to me or give any suggestions. It was very frustrating. One day I told him that I believed we should sell the truck. He disagreed and said that he liked that truck and didn’t want to sell it. He never came up with any other options.

One day as I was talking to the Lord, I mentioned to Him that possibly I misunderstood what I believed he had put on my heart. After all, why would he give me the impression in prayer that the truck would provide the necessary money if my husband would not sell the truck? I did not mention selling the truck any more.

I simply told God that I knew that if selling the truck was our answer, that He could certainly sell it without even a for sale sign on the truck!

Well… a few weeks later (I had forgotten that I have even talked to the Lord about it) my husband and I were sitting in our living room and a man knocks on the door. My husband gets it and when he comes back into the room he explains that some man was asking him if he would consider selling the pickup truck in the driveway. My husband told him “NO, it is not for sale”. This truck at the time had probably close to 200,000 miles on it, not in mint condition, had no air conditioning!

Immediately, I remembered my private time with the Lord, and I got tickled! At this point I did mention to my husband that I had been praying about the truck and what to do. Well, quite a bit of time went by and we did nothing. The bathroom continued to get worse. The same man stopped by another time when I was at home alone asking me if my husband would reconsider selling the truck. Nope, my husband had no interest in selling.

One day I was driving with my two older sons and felt someone was following me. I quickly turned into a convenience store and the car followed me in. I went inside with my sons and purchased them Slurpees. The same man approached me and with exasperation said, “Would you PLEASE ask your husband if he would NOW sell that pickup??? I have cash with me. (he was offering twice what we paid for it) I will meet him right now in the parking lot if he will simply bring me the title it could be a done deal!!” I couldn’t believe it! I went straight home, it was a late Friday afternoon. Told my husband that now this man had met me at a convenience store and was asking to PLEASE buy the truck. You know what?? That day, the offer was perfect for my husband!!!

He found the title, signed it, met the man in the parking lot. The rest was history! I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS STORY THE REST OF MY LIFE!

God can make an old pickup look like a shiny diamond to someone. He doesn’t even need a for sale sign!!!

…..and yes, I finally got my bathroom taken care of! Thank God!

FROM PEACEFULWIFE

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this story!  

Obviously – God DID lay the idea of selling the truck on this wife’s heart.

And what a beautiful example of respecting her husband and submitting to his leadership she gave here – even though she was frustrated with her husband’s lack of action.

  • What if she had tried to force things?  
  • What if she hadn’t trusted God?
  • What if she hadn’t prayed?
  • What if her heart was so full of unforgiveness/bitterness/pride/wanting control herself that she hadn’t heard God to start with?
  • What if she tried to override her husband?
  • What if she complained and nagged and pressured him about selling the truck?

I think this story would have had a very different outcome.

Please notice:

  • God WAS able to lead this wife even though her husband was passive.
  • God used this situation to increase the faith of both the husband and the wife  – and now many hundreds of other people as well!
  • There was a long time of waiting involved for the wife – but it was for God’s ultimate glory!
  • God does miracles in proportion to our faith.  Where there is little faith, there are few miracles.  Where there is big faith, there are big miracles – not always what we expect or pray for – but when we seek God’s glory – He will work mightily in our lives!

When this wife was living in obedience to God, was full of His Spirit, able to hear His voice, had faith and took her concerns to Him in prayer, told her husband what she believed God wanted them to do, respected her husband, cooperated with his leadership (even though she didn’t agree with him) – look at the miracle God did!  WOW!  It required a lot of patience and waiting on her part.  But it was WORTH it!

"My Husband Wants to Go WHERE!?!?!?!"

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From a reader.  THANK YOU to this precious wife for sharing her story and to God be all the glory!!!!!

BAD NEWS

I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart sank when I heard my husband say that he was planning to take a trip to Las Vegas with a single guy friend from work. You’d have to know a great deal of our relationship history to fully understand why this hit me the way it did, but nevertheless I was distraught over it. I think most wives would feel a little uncomfortable with the idea of their man going away to a place like Las Vegas without them. I felt VERY uncomfortable, given my husband’s past issues.

THINGS HAD BEEN IMPROVING SO MUCH LATELY!

Things had been really looking up for our family, especially within my marriage. I was finally coming to a point where God was really showing me so much about what it means to be a respectful and submissive wife. I was effectively putting it all into practice, and I was really watching the changes happen. My husband was again warming up to me, after I had made him flee, so to speak, with my controlling words and behavior in the past.

Our marriage had been very broken. Once I stopped trying to force him to get close with God and backed off, he began to take an interest in God again. He started to really step up as a leader of our family in many ways I had never seen in all the previous years of our marriage. He wanted to have a pure life like I did, and after all the years of struggling, for us to be in a place where we both wanted the same thing was really amazing. What was even more amazing was the fact that I was able to understand so many new things about what to do and not do as a wife. I really felt like things were finally going to be okay, and I wasn’t going to have to deal with the same old behaviors from my husband.

As it turns out, I might always have to deal with those things, and just maybe, he might always have to deal with me struggling to be a respectful wife and messing it up more often than not. Unfortunately, we are sinners. This is the reality of all marriages, and I am learning A LOT about this. That is not to say that God can’t transform our hearts and make us more like Him everyday, but we will always struggle with our flesh. It would be foolish to believe that our husband’s are not going to make mistakes and hurt us.

MY FEELINGS ABOUT HIS PLANS FOR THE TRIP

When my husband told me about wanting to go to Las Vegas, I did not take it well. I tried very hard to respond as best as I could with many of the tools I’d learned from God and from April’s site, but it was hard. I was so confused. I thought my husband wanted to leave these ways behind.

  • Why would he want to run off and be in a place like that with his single friend?
  • Was I being judgmental by thinking this?
  • I thought he didn’t want to even drink anymore.
  • Why did he have to pick Las Vegas?
  • What would happen there?

My mind was racing. I should also mention that my husband works two jobs everyday so I can stay home with our sons. I am eternally grateful that he does this for us, but it can be very difficult, because we hardly see him at all during the week. It felt so wrong that he would take vacation time and be away from us by choice. It also hurt my heart deeply that he didn’t pick me to come along. I wanted so desperately for him to want to whisk me away on a romantic trip and be his first choice as a companion.

All of these emotions were flying around in my head, and it was so painful. I knew in my heart that I really had been doing the things God asked me to do in my marriage and as a wife, so I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I would have understood him wanting to go with someone else if I were still being controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful, but I knew I wasn’t. I was actively making sure I wasn’t.

WHAT I DID

I did tell my husband all of the different emotions I was feeling. That was also hard for me, because in the past I had really worried about how he would react when I shared negative feelings with him. God helped me through this, however, and I was able to share all of the issues I had more calmly than I would have in the past. Instead of demanding him to respond to everything I said, I let it be. This is also very different for me, because normally I’d be asking a million questions like what do you think or are you mad I feel this way… but, I didn’t. I let him take what I said into consideration and then I had to let God do the rest.

GOD WORKED IN MY HEART – A LOT!

Over the course of a month I struggled with trying to accept that he was going on this trip and trying to mold my feelings to accompany that as a truth. I still felt like it was wrong though. I kept praying that God’s will would prevail, whether it was for my husband to go or not.

This was a pivotal time for me in my relationship with God, because I started to realize that my motives were not necessarily right when it came to what I was trying to achieve as a wife. I wanted to be a good wife, but I also expected that my husband was going to be a good husband as a result. That is not always the truth. God really showed me that I need to be a good wife for Him. I need to make sure I’m being submissive and respectful for God regardless of what my husband is doing/not doing.

That was VERY eye opening for me. It was also a giant test, because I had to blindly trust God through it. I didn’t know how I’d survive those days he’d be away not knowing what was going on, but I had to just keep handing those fearful thoughts and feelings to God.

GOD WAS AT WORK WITH MY HUSBAND, TOO – UNBEKNOWNST TO ME!

Last week my husband came home from work and told me we needed to talk. My stomach was in knots, because I assumed he wanted to go over when he was leaving and all the details of the trip. Instead, he told me he realized that it was wrong to go with his friend. He said he left the whole trip in God’s hands and it was completely falling through. When they went to book the flight, the website would not accept their credit cards for some mysterious (GOD) reason. I guess his friend kept changing his mind as well.

My husband acknowledged that it was definitely the hand of God. He said he was very sorry, and that he wanted to make the family more of a priority. He then informed me that he wanted to take me on a trip instead! We will be going on vacation together at the beginning of next month!

I really am in awe of what God did with this situation. It’s hard for me to even express in words how thankful I am. The lessons I am learning are priceless.

MY MESSAGE TO WIVES

What I really want to say to wives is that you need to expect that your husband is going to mess up and do crazy things, but you can’t let that affect how you behave as a wife. Keep seeking God. Keeping asking Him to give you the strength to be the wife He wants you to be. He will equip you, and when things look grim, He is there, and you can most definitely trust Him. He will use your behavior and your faith to bring about positive changes in your husband, but it won’t always be in the way that you want or expect. It may just be a two steps forward, three steps back type of thing, but take heart, God is at work!

God works everything together for the good (of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose Romans 8:28). When I was struggling with all the confusion of this situation I felt like I couldn’t see what good would come from it at all, but then I remembered who God really is, and I knew I could trust Him with this.

If this hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have realized my focus in seeking to be a godly wife is to be God and only God. I learned that we can’t get stuck on the plans and ideas other people have. God can definitely step in the way and change things into how He wants them to be. As wives we need to fully and completely fix our eyes on God, and not have our focus on everything that is going on around us. God is in control.

So, this was really hard, but it was also really amazing and good for me. I think so many of the things we go through as wives are like that. Lessons are hard, but so very valuable. I pray that we keep close to God so we can grasp all the wisdom He wants to give us, and that we can be that godly loving example of Him to everyone around us. 🙂

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!  He IS able!  He is sovereign – even over our husbands.  We can trust Him.  And He will truly use all things for His glory and our ultimate good when we yield to Him and put our faith in Him.  WHAT A STORY!  It just gives me chills all over.  THANK YOU, LORD!

OTHER WIVES – if you have a story about how God worked in your marriage, or is working  in you and your marriage – please let me know!

God and My Husband AMAZE Me!

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Those of you who have read my story know that I used to be a pretty controlling, disrespectful and dominating wife for the first 15 years or so of our marriage.  I didn’t do it maliciously.  I wanted to be a godly wife.  I actually believed I WAS being the BEST Christian wife.  I didn’t see my pride, disrespect and sin at all.  I thought I “had” to be in control.  I thought my husband “wouldn’t” or “couldn’t” lead.

Wow.  Was I wrong.

I began learning about respect and biblical submission 4 years ago.  And the changes in myself, my husband, our marriage and our family have been nothing short of miraculous.

AN EXAMPLE FROM THIS WEEK

I decided to do a Bible study on Matthew 18 with our children one morning when they were out of school this week.  We talked about what Jesus says to do when someone does something wrong to you – how you go to that person in private first.  Then if they don’t repent, you bring another person or two with you to talk about what happened.  For them, that would be a parent or teacher in most cases.

Our son started talking about things that had happened with a boy that past week that we didn’t know about.  I was NOT pleased when I heard about how our son handled things.   But I knew this was a huge opportunity for him to learn about respect, repentance, forgiveness and having godly relationships.

MY HERO

Ways my husband displayed godly leadership in our family just in this one evening

1. When my husband came home, he took our son to our room and had a long talk with him.

I am SO thankful for my husband’s godly influence on our children and his willingness to discipline, teach, instruct, correct, rebuke, love and hug them.  A father’s influence PROFOUNDLY impacts children, keeps them on the right path in life, protects them from evil, protects them from poor decisions, and helps them learn to make wise choices.

2. He encouraged our son to come to the table and eat afterwards.

There had been a lot of tears – but my husband wanted our son included in the family dinner time around the table and showed our son that we loved and accepted him and want him in our family.

3. I called my husband and asked him for help – and he came right home to help me.

When my husband went to help his parents for awhile, and I was having trouble getting our daughter to bed and getting our son to focus on finishing his homework, and it was getting to be past time for our son to get ready for bed. 

By that point, I had been trying to get our son to do his homework assignment so many times during the day and was getting frustrated.  The more I tried to get him to do his work, the more distracted he seemed to be.

My husband stepped right in, took over with our son – and had him writing his assignment in no time.

4. My husband stopped me.

After I got our daughter to bed, I came in the great room – and my son started asking about having a snack.  Again.  He had asked me about a snack 6 other times and I had told him, “AFTER you finish your homework.  IF you have time.”

I was losing my patience.  I started to lecture my son…

And my husband stopped me.

He said firmly but gently, “He’s getting his work done.  Don’t mess with him right now.”

And I stopped mid-sentence.

Soon afterwards, our son was done with his homework.

HALLELUJAH!  I am SO thankful that my husband is willing to direct me if he feels I am doing something counterproductive.

5. My husband let our son have some time to be affirmed and loved.

We let him sit with us and we cuddled with him and my husband listened as our son excitedly shared about a new toy he had gotten.  There were hugs and smiles.  It was wonderful.

Then our son went to bed.

6. My husband cuddled with me and asked me what was wrong.

All I could do was cry!

I had so many doubts about myself as a mom that day.  Am I teaching our children enough about God and His ways?  Am I being too hard on them?  Am I disciplining them enough?  Am I having enough fun with them?  Am I teaching them enough responsibility?   Am I allowing them to be too spoiled or too polluted by the world?

Sometimes being a Mama is overwhelming.

7. My husband listened compassionately to me.  (I kept it brief!)

8. My husband willingly prayed for us and our children when I asked him to – and it was such a sincere, heart-felt, faith-filled prayer.  Wow!

I felt SO MUCH BETTER after he prayed.  I was able to look again at God’s sovereignty over our family.  I was able to put down some of the mental/emotional/spiritual weight that I had started to carry during the day.  I felt connected to my husband and safe and protected and cherished.  I felt thankful for his leadership and guidance for our family.

God’s peace flooded my soul again.

WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!

Years ago – none of these things would probably have happened.  I was way too disrespectful and controlling back then.

I would have taken over and run the whole show myself and my husband probably wouldn’t have been involved at all.

PRAISE GOD that He showed me His ways!!!!!!!!!! I am in awe of God and all that He has done in our marriage and family.  And I definitely THANKED my man for his godly leadership and for praying with me and for being such a wonderful dad and husband.  I’m SO proud of the man he is!

WIVES

Do you have stories you would like to share about how God has used your husband to lead in your family?  You may post them in the comments. I would love to use them in a post or on FB anonymously. 🙂

 

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Support and Encourage His Hobbies

the deck my husband built at our old house

SC State House

A man receives a great deal of his identity from his work. He often thinks of himself in terms of what he does and that he has value in the world because of his career and contribution to the world. Sometimes he also gets a huge part of his identity from his hobbies, especially if his work isn’t bringing him very much fulfillment at the time. He may think of himself in terms of his dream that is outside of his career – his ministry, his athleticism, his remodeling/handyman abilities, his musical abilities, his gardening talents, his artistic and creative streak… All people need and deserve time to recharge and do something they love. Like Laura Doyle says in “The Surrendered Wife,” everyone needs time to dream big dreams and not have their ideas stomped on. But our men ESPECIALLY need this outlet. God designed them to conquer the world and make their mark. A supportive wife makes ALL the difference in the world to a husband in this area!

Notice your husband’s dreams. What are the things that energize him and really give him a love for life? Even if his hobbies don’t get you all excited, I want to encourage you to do your best to support his hobbies, dreams and desires. Who knows? It’s entirely possible that if he is allowed to follow his dreams and make big plans that he might find a new career path that he loves, or add another source of income, or build you a dream house, or just plain enjoy his life to the fullest and have the most to give to your marriage and your family.

If you find yourself being jealous because you don’t seem to have time for your own hobbies and relaxation, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve his time to himself! But it might mean that you need to be more proactive about finding time for yourself, too. Then both of you can be at your best and have the most to give to each other and your family. Husbands and wives both need time to do things they enjoy on their own, to develop their interests, and to take good care of their own souls, minds and bodies. If we are spiritually/emotionally/physically depleted, we don’t have anything to give to our loved ones. We must take responsibility for filling ourselves up and taking good care of ourselves in these areas so that we can bless our families. In fact, if a wife is feeling particularly frustrated and irritable, it is a good idea to look at your own needs and make sure you are getting the rest, nutrition, time with God, time with friends, time for hobbies that you need to be at your best – then little things won’t seem like such a big deal.

Think of the things he loves. Honor what he loves. Listen to him talk about it. Be excited with him. Dream with him. Don’t criticize or put him down about his hobbies and passions. Don’t tell him to hire someone else to finish the house if he wants to do it himself – that is SUPER disrespectful to a man! He wants to complete the challenge and prove to himself that he can do it and he wants you to smile and applaud him and have that wonderful look of pride in your eyes about his abilities. He doesn’t need you to tell him how to do things, just to tell him that you have faith in him that he’ll figure it out, that you trust him. That little bit of encouragement and trust from you will motivate your husband like you cannot imagine! Give him some space to think, dream and work and you will be amazed what he may do for you and your family!!!!

One time at our old house, Greg and I were talking about getting a bay window to replace a picture window. There was a very unkempt crepe myrtle tree outside that window. I asked Greg if he would mind trimming the tree and maybe he could put some pretty white rocks and a bench under the window so that the view would be better. He shocked me by announcing that he was going to build a deck. He had never built a deck before. But I knew he was a super resourceful, intelligent, talented guy, so I said, “Ok!” Then he drew out a design. It wasn’t just a 10X10 deck. He had a 4 level 1000 square foot deck in mind. Wow! That was A LOT more than I had asked for. But I said, “Great! That would be amazing!” He built that whole deck all by himself and it was stunning. He even painted a compass rose on one of the platforms later that was accurate with true North, South, East and West pointing in the proper directions.

When I was pregnant and found out that we were having a boy, I told Greg I would love to have the nursery painted half as night time and half as daytime sky with the tops of pine trees along the floor. He said, “I’m going to do a mural of Columbia.” I said, “Ok!” He had never painted a wall anything but one or maybe two colors before. But I knew he was super talented and gave him all the space he wanted to do what he thought was best. We spent a few weeks riding around town taking pictures of the most beautiful landmarks in our town and deciding what would be in the mural. Then I would sit in the glider rocking chair in the nursery every night for 5 months and feel our baby kicking in my belly and watch while he painted the most incredible mural. It was GLORIOUS! How I hated when we moved away and couldn’t take the mural with us. I was tempted to cut out all the dry wall and move it to the new house!

What dreams does your husband have? What if I had squashed my husband’s dreams? Imagine the beauty and the priceless gifts he has added to our lives that I would have missed!! I pray that we might give our husbands room to soar and do all that they can dream of doing. I pray that we might encourage and inspire them with our trust, faith, admiration and confidence to reach heights we could never have fathomed! A man can move mountains when he has a wife who believes in him!