Prayingwife Stops Trying to Control and Begins to Trust God


I am so excited to share what God is doing in Prayingwife’s heart. I know you will be blessed and encouraged, too:

Wow! I have wanted to comment since yesterday (on Godlywifetobe’s Step 2 post)! I was blessed to be spending some much needed adult time with my husband – just him and I! We are doting parents of a toddler and it is good for a very small break every now and again! Godlywifetobe, praise God for your journey!! I struggle with much of the same issues and “tapes” playing! So much, that I almost could have been the one writing this piece?!

God is amazing! I, too, have been a slave to attempted control, only to squeeze so tightly, realizing it will all slip through my fingers! God spoke to me definitively last week. “Let it go”. So I released all of my pseudo control in my marriage and with my husband.

God has us! We are all free to make our own choices and decisions each day which may affect those around us – for good or for evil. I cannot control those around me; I cannot manipulate or force others to behave how I think they should. AND I SHOULDN’T!! What kind of pressure is that? God is much better at holding each of us up. He loves us!! God desires us to love one another, honor our husbands, and glorify Him!

Dying to self is so painful!!

I have been on this journey for over a year… for every step I take forward, there are times when I take 2 steps back. It can be madness! That is my sinful self… holding tight. I get mad at myself, I know better, I’m ashamed because if I was truly trusting God then I wouldn’t be holding tight to this sinful self, this control!

My biggest fears:
1) my husband could leave me
2) my husband could cheat on me
3) he could stop loving me
4) he may be bound by certain behaviors forever

1) God will never leave me! I would still continue to exist if my husband left me.

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (NIV)

2) We are all sinners! God will always provide comfort no matter our trials.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

3) My husband does love me now. I cannot live in fear. I am missing out on the now, worried about the future.
He may never love me as Christ loves the church, yet my respect isn’t conditional to his love.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

4) My husband is a believer!

Jeremiah 24:7
7 I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.

2 Peter 2:9The Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials. 

There are so many biblical truths that override and erase the lying insecurities that whisper (and sometimes scream) inside of my head! Since I have told God I would relinquish the thought of control and cried out asking Him to help me give it up, because I was not strong enough to do it on my own… an enormous weight has been lifted!

I do feel peace. God gave me peace! I was still and quiet and He replaced those tapes with His truth and comfort. As long as I continue to dig into His word, I can draw closer to Him!

This does not mean my trials are over, but I may be allowing God to do a new work in me by laying down this small (yet so big for me) thing.

As far as my idols, my fear and insecurity have at times unfortunately been larger than my love for Christ – NOT INTENTIONALLY, and not logically, but sadly, with my actions and my thoughts that crowded the truth out.

I question have I made my marriage an idol? Maybe? Sometimes, perhaps. Yet, my desire to glorify God in my marriage and for us to have the marriage God intended, is not an idol; I pray to submit, to respect, to honor God by living out my life, including my marriage, as God commanded.

I was reading a marriage devotional today. It stated (paraphrased): The devil is the enemy of relationships. A strong marriage is a threat to Him. He is always trying to divide us, he wants to separate us from God, separate us from each other. He tells lies, feeding on our insecurities.

Now that is how the devil operates.

Another truth:

James 4:7

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I love sharing with you women on this journey !! It does give me hope when I see some women struggle where I have struggled, it gives me hope to see you women persevere. And I hope that my words and insight into my journey does the same! I am so far from perfect. My husband still doesn’t trust me not to snap, snoop, or snip, but I am learning, changing and with God’s grace, I will continue to move forward and not backward, and eventually my husband will continue to grow in his journey with God.


I love seeing God working in this precious wife’s life! Please pray with me for her to learn to fully submit herself to Him, to accept all that Jesus has already accomplished on her behalf in dying for her sins, being raised in victory over death and sin and living in resurrection power. I pray that Prayingwife might see that from God’s point of view, she died with Jesus on the cross, was buried with Him, and was raised to new life in Him. She is one with Jesus, so His history is her history. God looks at her and sees what He did in Jesus and through Him. She had full access to Jesus’ death and her sinful nature was crucified in Christ and buried. She is now dead to her old sinful nature and to self and to this world. All she has to do is to receive that and praise God for His work! And she is now alive in Christ and He lives in her. She has the very Spirit of God living in her body. They are one in Spirit now. They are inseparable. Whatever she has now belongs to Jesus. Whatever He has now belongs to her. Now she has access to all the riches and wealth of heaven and all the power of the God of the universe through Christ. And she doesn’t have to try harder, all she has to do is rest in His promises, stand on them and thank and praise God for what He has done and He will do the work through her and for her. I am so thankful God is able to empower us to have victory over sin! I can’t wait to see all He has in store!


Fear Fuels Our Need to Control
Facing Our Deepest Fears

Experiencing God’s Victory Over Our Fears

Godlywifetobe Begins Her Journey

Godlywifetobe Step 2 – Facing Her Fears

Control and Boundaries

What Causes a Woman to Become Controlling? Peacefulwife Youtube Video

How to Avoid Becoming a Controlling, Disrespectful Wife

I Want to Feel Loved!



I am taking an email break this week. 🙂 You are welcome to comment here. Thanks!


(Adapted from a message the youth ministers at my church gave to the students)

God designed us as people to desire to be loved and to live in relationships with Himself and with other people. He designed us also to be sexual beings. That is a good thing. God’s design is good.

Sinful people can twist what God made for good into something very destructive.  But we are able to choose to build our lives on the truth of God’s Word and live in the center of His will, experiencing His best for us in every area of our lives.

God wants us – all of us – to experience ULTIMATE LOVE.

  • It is not wrong to want to be loved, that is a good desire
  • It is good to have relationships
  • Being a Christian is not about a long list of rules and “don’ts”
  • Having sexual desires is a good thing, and part of God’s design
  • God created us for His glory. That is our purpose – our highest purpose in life – to glorify Him – in every area of our lives.
  • God has a plan to fulfill our sexual desires in a way that brings glory to Him (Marriage)
  • The key is to build our lives on solid biblical truths and principles and Christ.


Ultimate love begins with God.

What is love?

God defines what love is. He IS Love.

This is the kind of love Jesus has for us (Jesus IS God). And this is the kind of love He calls us to have for one another. This is how Jesus wants us to love others and how He wants others to love us.

He wants us to be in right relationship with Him and with people – to have fellowship – to have spiritual and emotional connection and oneness with Him and other believers. Those are the two greatest commands Jesus gives us:

– He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”- to love God with all our hearts, with all our souls, with all our minds and with all our strength and to love others as we love ourselves.  Luke 10:27

  • Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:3
  • Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8a
  • Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:8-10
  • Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. I John 4:7-12
  • God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. I John 4:16-21

A cheap imitation of His love does not satisfy.


Sinful “love” is SELFISH and passive. It is all about gooey feelings that someone else causes to happen to us. It is willing to hurt other people and their relationships with God. Sinful “love” cares about what SELF wants and SELF gratification and doesn’t care if it hurts the other person.


Godly love is SELFLESS and active. It cares more about the spiritual/mental/emotional/physical welfare of the other person than it does about meeting its own selfish desires. It is not willing to tempt someone to drive a wedge of sin between himself/herself and God. It does not entice others into sin – dressing or acting provocatively or tempting into sexual sin or any kind of sin. It propels people towards Christ and holiness and spiritual wellness. And it focuses on pleasing Christ above all else.


It is only after we have a proper understanding of God and real love and the absolute truth of the Bible that we can begin to build a foundation upon which we can properly construct our values and ideals about dating/romantic relationship and marriage.

We need a close relationship with JESUS FIRST. That relationship HAS to be more important – by far – than any other relationship to us in the world. He is our greatest need and only he can give us the ultimate love, the perfect love, the God-sized love that we all need to feel loved, secure, accepted and to drive out all of our fear. It is only when we have our deepest God-shaped hole and need filled with Jesus, that we can begin to build all of our other relationships on solid ground and truth.

How does my relationship with Christ being first affect my dating/courting relationships?

1. My relationship with Christ affects when I start dating.

i.e.: When I am able to commit to marriage and am spiritually, mentally and emotionally ready to have a healthy, godly relationship.

2. My relationship with Christ affects who I want to date.

I want to abide in Christ and live for Him daily in obedience and in the power of His Spirit, living in total submission to Him as LORD – and I am going to only want to date someone who also wants to live in total submission to Christ as Lord.

3. My relationship with Christ affects why I want to date.

What are my motives?  Do I want to find out if this is someone I may want to marry? Am I willing to not tempt this person into sin? Do I care more about my walk with Christ and this person’s walk with Christ than about meeting my own selfish sexual desires? Do I just want the status of having a “boyfriend”? Do I just want an engagement ring, a wedding, a husband, a home, or children – but not really and truly care much about the man I am with? Do I just want to “feel loved” by a man – maybe more than I want to be close to Christ? Am I willing to do anything to feel loved by a man – including sin? Do I just want a man’s attention and affection? Or do I truly want to be a partner, a blessing, a godly woman and am I ready to prepare to be a godly wife according to the Bible’s instructions?

4. My relationship with Christ affects how I date.

I want to honor Christ in all that I do and bless the man I date and show godly love to him, and he will want to do the same for me. My highest desire is to bring the greatest glory to God through this relationship and every choice I make. I will be careful not to set myself up as a stumbling block to my brother but will seek to live a chaste, godly and holy life that pleases Jesus and blesses my man and others.

FOR WIVES (from Peacefulwife):

My relationship with Christ affects how I define marriage – by God’s Word (Ephesians 5:22-33, I Corinthians 11:3, Titus 2:3-5, Genesis 2 and 3)

My relationship with Christ affects how I act, think and behave towards my husband – seeking to please Jesus and bless my husband and live in the power of God’s Spirit every moment and overflow with God’s  joy, love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Galatians 5:22-23