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A Young Wife Seeks to Honor Her Husband, Not Prosecute Him

Photo by andrew welch on Unsplash

A guest post from a young, Christian wife in response to last week’s post:

I have had a major problem with (acting like my husband’s prosecuting attorney) and continue to if I am not careful. I’ve been married only three short years and I’ve followed this blog very closely. It was, and continues to be, a blessing as I continue to walk with my husband in our very early stages of marriage. As I’ve continued on in this journey there are a couple of things that I’ve found to be helpful that I would like to share in case it helps anyone else.

TWO KEYS I HAVE FOUND

What I’ve found to be extremely helpful is studying and memorizing the specific scriptures about what God wills for wives in relation to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-33) and then asking God to do two things:

1) To allow me to understand in a practical way what these particular scriptures mean and how they can be applied to my life in a practical way, for day to day living. I pray in faith and believe that He will guide me, even in the midst of a situation. The Bible states:

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. (James 1:5-8)

2) That GOD work a respectful, submissive attitude into my heart. Though we may DESIRE to respect our husbands, we cannot walk this out in our own flesh! This is a biggie. We can do nothing apart from Christ (John 15:5). It will take His spirit to actually complete His will. Romans 7:21-25 states:

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

DEALING WITH DEFEAT

I know we may have times in which we gave the Devil a little more of a foothold than we ought have (Ephesians 4:26). I have beaten myself up and often given up because I’ve felt so defeated.

When I dwell in my sin I feel more and more defeated and wonder why I even try.

But most recently, I’ve tried simply asking God for forgiveness and asking Him to show me how to handle it more respectfully the next time. When the next time rolls around (sometimes within the same our, or even within seconds!) I wait expectantly for the Lord, remembering His commands and trusting He will give me the strength to carry out His will:

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:4-5)

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me. (Philippians 4:13)

A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON RESPECT

One more thing. I am an elementary school teacher. I thought about my authoritative role as a teacher and how utterly disrespected I’d feel if one of my students said or acted towards me the way I often act towards my husband. It would be completely untolerated and it would be inappropriate.

In the same way, I thought about my own boss (the principal). Would I walk up to my boss and say and behave the way I behave with my own husband with him/her? Of course not! I’d know I’d be fired and it would be completely disrespectful to behave that way in the first place.

It’s interesting that regardless of our understanding on how to respect parents, teachers, bosses, etc… we fail to see the importance of giving our husbands the exact same respect and to follow their leadership. We will behave respectfully towards our bosses and others we see as authoritative (as we should) but our husbands we disrespect right in the face of God.

It stings as I write this, because I am so guilty of all of this. But it’s still something I wanted to share as God continues His work in my life.

FROM PEACEFUL WIFE

Honestly, even if I had treated my co-workers or patients the way I treated my husband in the past, it would have been totally inappropriate and disrespectful. As believers, we are to treat all people with dignity, respect, and honor. And all the more so when it is someone in a position of God-given leadership in our lives.

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What kinds of things has the Lord shown you on this journey to become a peaceful wife? Are there areas where you are struggling and you would like to talk about things?

Much love!

RELATED

The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord – There is a chapter on disrespect, one on respect, one about submission to Christ as Lord, a chapter on God’s design for submission in marriage (what it is and what it is not), dealing with conflict, asking for things respectfully, etc… This was the book I needed desperately 9 years ago when I first began this journey.

Spiritual Authority Basics – for all believers in Christ relating to how we treat those in positions of God-given leadership

Signs Your Husband May Be Feeling Disrespected and Unloved

What Is Disrespectful to Husbands?

Posts about what biblical submission is and is not

What Is Respect in Marriage?

23 Signs Your Husband Is Beginning to Trust You Again

25 Ways to Be a Safe Place for Your Husband Emotionally

Do You Think Women Are Always to Blame for Marriage Problems?

Why Do I Have to Change First?

My Primary Goal As a Wife Has to Be This One Thing

Reminder – I have a conference in Eaton, Ohio February 25th and a conference in Columbia, South Carolina March 24th-25th. You are most welcome to come!

Marriage meets many needs and fulfills a number of purposes in our lives, in our families, the church, and in society. A healthy marriage:

  • Brings stability to society.
  • Teaches the next generation how to have healthy relationships.
  • Is to be a safe place to raise children and for them to learn what love is.
  • Can meet both spouse’s needs for companionship.
  • Can be a place of wonderful friendship.
  • Is the only place where God condones and celebrates sex.
  • Can be a place of romance and fun.
  • Can provide financial stability and resources.

But there is an even greater purpose for marriage that I can’t ever forget.

God’s greatest purpose in marriage is that marriage is supposed to display the gospel of Christ and it is to bring great glory and honor to Him.

My marriage is about so much more than just me. It is about much more than just my husband or just our children. It is ultimately about something infinitely higher.

  • Marriage is to be a living parable demonstrating the relationship between Christ and the church where the husband is to portray the love, humility, selflessness, and sacrificial leadership of Christ. The wife is to portray the honor, respect, and submission of the church for Christ. (Eph. 5:22-33)
  • When we as wives focus on our role and what God calls us to do – the gospel is exalted – and the same is true when husbands focus on the role God gives to them and walking in submission to Christ as Lord.
  • If we choose to disrespect our husbands and dishonor God’s design for us as wives and for marriage, we malign the gospel of Christ. (Titus 2:3-5)

This is a very lofty goal, my precious sisters. Marriage is no longer about me being happy,  me having my way all the time, or me having control. It is not about my husband being the most important thing or about me seeking to please him at any cost. It is about me completely yielding my heart, my mind, my life, all that I am, all that I desire, all of my fears, all of my purposes, my marriage, and my family to God to accomplish His purposes. Whatever He sees fit. My eyes have to be on eternity and God’s kingdom now – not just today or this lifetime.

Now my heart’s cry is:

Not my will, but Yours be done! Luke 22:42

As an individual believer in Christ, my purpose in life is similar.

  • I am to bring glory to God far above anything else. (1 Cor. 10:31)
  • I am to seek His will far above my own. (Luke 22:42)
  • I am to count myself dead to sin and this world and alive to God through Christ. (Romans 6:11)
  • I am to take up my cross daily. (Luke 9:23)
  • I am to be completely at God’s disposal, His trusted, faithful servant, willing to do anything He may ask of me. (John 14:22-24)
  • I am to view suffering as God’s tool to refine me and to grow my faith. (Romans 5:3-5, James 1:2-8, 1 Peter 4:12-19)

This changes everything about how I relate to my husband (and everyone else, but we will focus on marriage in this post).

Now I don’t need to ask questions like:

The funny thing is, when I asked questions like this and my heart was not wholeheartedly yielded to God’s, I actually sabotaged my marriage. I kept God out because I didn’t trust Him. Then I was upset because my marriage was a mess. What a confused girl I was!

The scariest place in the world to me now is to trust self and to not trust God. When I yield everything to God and I am in fellowship with Him and His Spirit fills me, He also pours His healing and the spiritual treasures of heaven into my life and through me into my family and those around me. He withholds no good thing from those who belong to Him.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11

Note  – the only way my walk can be blameless is when I allow God’s Spirit to live in and through me to empower me to obey Him.

Now I ask questions like:

Real peace comes as I know and love Christ wholeheartedly and as I trust Him completely with everything.

God’s Spirit can give us the power to stay when we may not feel like staying because we can look with an eternal perspective rather than an earthly one when we are abiding in Christ. He can give us the ability to love when maybe our husbands don’t deserve it. He can give us the power to treat our men with honor, dignity, and genuine respect – not because our husbands deserve it – but because Jesus deserves our utmost reverence and we want to submit to His Lordship completely.

When I am willing to obey God and I am filled to overflowing with His Spirit, His wisdom, and His power – there is no stopping God! He loves to do miracles and move mountains for those who fully trust Him. But I don’t love Him so that He will do what I want Him to do. I love Him and trust Him to do what He knows is best. I can ask Him to change my desires to match His.

His wisdom is infinitely greater than mine. I can rest in Him and His love and sovereignty no matter what my situation. I can trust His promises to me and anticipate how He is going to bring great good from even the most awful situations because He promised to do just that for those who love Him in Romans 8:28-29.

RELATED:

Verses on Suffering

Verses on the Lordship of Christ

Verses on Taking Up Our Cross

How to Stay Filled with the Spirit

Spiritual Authority

A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage

How to Have a Relationship with Christ

 

What about wives who truly are in danger?

For those who are in very dangerous situations, the goal is still God’s greatest glory. His Word still applies. You still have His love. You are not beyond God’s reach! I pray that you will seek godly counsel and wisdom one-on-one from a trusted Christian counselor or pastor. Pray, seek to hear and obey God’s prompting for you.

I don’t know exactly what God desires every wife to do in every situation. But God has the wisdom each one needs. I don’t want to see anyone hurt or killed. I hate abuse and God sure hates abuse. There should not be hatred, rage, or violence in our relationships as believers.

God’s Word does provide for separation when something very serious is going on that can’t be resolved – in 1 Cor. 7:10-16 – but it is not to be entered into flippantly or without significant reason. This is not God’s primary plan and design for marriage. If we take such a step, as believing wives, we want to be SURE that we are doing so because it is necessary not just that we are unhappy, feeling unloved, or that things are just really hard. Marriage is a covenant between God, my husband, and myself. I want to keep my end of it until death do us part – may God help me to do so!

 

 

Stages of This Journey – Summary

ADMIN NOTE:

There was a large update done on this site Friday afternoon and since then there have been a number of technical issues since then. I’m hopeful those issues will be completely resolved today.

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If you don’t have a close relationship with Jesus Christ as Your Savior and Lord, that is the first place to start on this journey. There is no way to be godly or peaceful in our own power. We all desperately need the work of Jesus on the cross on our behalf and we need the power of God’s Spirit to transform our lives. Here is a post about how you can know Christ and how you can give your life to Him.

A SUMMARY OF THE STAGES OF THIS JOURNEY

These are general stages I have noticed as I have walked beside thousands of women on this journey. They aren’t always linear and don’t always go in the same order – and this post doesn’t cover everything on this life-long road as we seek to become godly women. But I think this may help you get a general idea. 🙂

In Part 1 of this series:

1. Conviction – Seeing my sin as God sees it, having my eyes opened to the fact that I am a big time sinner (I may see for the first time that I have been controlling, idolizing self or my  husband, disrespectful, bitter, resentful, contentious, filled with fear and unbelief in God, and trusting myself or other things instead of God.)
2. Repentance – Turning totally away from my sin in disgust and turning completely to Jesus and His ways.
3. The Frustrating Quiet Phase – Things often get worse before they get better
4. Seeking God First – The Lordship of Christ

 

In Part 2 of this series:

5. Giving My Husband Space
6. Feeling Totally Overwhelmed – I see who I am supposed to be and what I need to change but feel like I just can’t get there yet. I may be trying to do this in my own strength instead of yielding to Christ and allowing His Spirit to radically change me.
7. Learning to Use My Words and Emotions to Bless
8. Dying to Self
9. Developing a Grateful Heart
10. Taking Every Thought Captive – (Recognizing the voice of the enemy)
12. Feeling Discouraged because My Husband Isn’t Changing –  (I Want My Husband to Change, Too!)

Part 3 of this series:

13. Extending Grace on a Greater Level
14. Greater Sensitivity to God’s Voice
15. Finding a New Balance of Intimacy/Space/Closeness in Marriage
16. I See My Husband in a New Light

 

In Part 4 of this series:

17. There may be a Plateau – Will I keep pursuing Christ above all things or allow myself to drift away?

18. I Realize How Carefully I Must Guard My Heart Around other Men – Now that I have all of this knowledge.

19. There are many spiritual tests along the way – Will I respond in the power of the old sinful flesh or in the Spirit?

20. Teaching/mentoring our daughters and other women

Some other things we learn along the way:

OTHER RESOURCES:

  • My book, The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord, ties everything together and may be a very helpful place to start this journey. I go through my story, a spiritual inventory, God’s design for marriage, what disrespect is, what respect is to our  husbands, how to handle conflict, what biblical submission is and is not, the Lordship of Christ, acknowledging our sin, my husband’s perspective as God began to change me, how to speak respectfully, how to address issues respectfully, tons of ideas on how to respect our husbands, and quite a few stories from other wives on this journey.
  • Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
  • For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn (to help us better understand how men think)
  • The Respect Dare – by Nina Roesner
  • Absolute Surrender – by Andrew Murray (to help us learn to fully yield all to Christ as Lord)

 

Dying to Self

 

This process of learning to become godly women is a VERY painful process – especially at first. There are no short cuts!!

It is all about our relationship with Christ. It is about our willingness to reverence and submit to Jesus and to desire Him FAR ABOVE all other things of this world. That is the entire crux of the matter! My motives matter here! If I am trying to obey God just to get the feelings I want or the “stuff” I want (my husband’s full attention, romance, happiness, a lovely house, children, etc…), I have missed the entire point!

I have to have pure motives – desiring to obey God’s Word out of reverence for and love for Christ alone.

What I am advocating is to completely expose your deepest soul to God and allow Him to search the darkest recesses with the blazing light of His Word. And then to allow God’s Spirit TOTAL access and grant Him complete Lordship and the ability to decide what stays and what goes. And anything He finds offensive – well, it simply has to go. No question.
God is Lord now, NOT ME! This means facing your deepest fears, challenging your definition of God, your understanding of His sovereignty, your true beliefs that govern your decisions and priorities, seeing the mountains of sin that you may not have even known were there, and being willing to part with all of that humbly before our mighty God. It means wrestling with God over those most painful issues and deciding whether you actually can trust Him or not.

Is He REALLY BIG enough?

This is DEEP, LIFE-CHANGING, PARADIGM SHIFTING stuff.

This is where you tear out everything from your heart but Christ and are willing to give up all that is dear to you – laying it on the altar to God. You die to your dreams, your desires, your wants, your goals and your plans. You embrace His will, His desires, His dreams, His goals, His plans and His life for you – even if that means not getting what you really wanted, and even if that means going through the “worst case scenario” in your mind.

You will have to personally wrestle with these questions and decide –

  • Can I really trust God – the God of the Bible as He has revealed Himself, not as I want Him to be?
  • Is He who He says He is?
  • Is His Word true or not?
  • Will I build my life on the Rock of Christ, His Word and His promises, or on the sinking sand of trusting SELF?

Let us be willing to die to ourselves! Let us joyfully give up our rights, our goals of happiness and all that we hold dear and cling only to Christ, out of thankfulness and profound gratitude for ALL He has done for us (paying our incalculable sin debt to God”)!

The thing is, you can’t be a godly woman on your own. You can’t just be quiet and smile and hold the raging ocean of sinful thoughts, emotions and negativity inside while you pretend to be “nice” on the outside. This journey requires a total heart change – regeneration that is only possible through God’s Spirit. Eventually, we don’t even THINK the sinful thoughts – because He has so transformed us.
It is a total heart change. By God’s power working in us and through Jesus’ work for us on the cross, we nail the old sinful self to the cross and recognize that it is crucified and buried with Christ. Then we put on the new man in Christ and receive all that Jesus has done for us. He gives us a new heart and transforms our thinking.

Ultimately, Jesus did ALL of the work for us on the cross to make us right with God. And ultimately, it is His power that gives us the ability to walk in obedience to Him moment by moment. It is ALL about Him working for us and living in us.

Lord, help us to lay down our desires and let us desire only what YOU desire in our lives and in this world. Let us desire NOTHING in heaven or earth besides You! If we do NOT have His Spirit – it is IMPOSSIBLE to be the women Jesus calls us to be. God’s Spirit alone is our power source!
Some women think that I am saying THEY alone are fully responsible for all the problems in their relationships and that I am expecting them to take 100% of the blame. This is NOT at all what I am saying. Men are all sinners, and so are women. Men have their own accountability and responsibility before God and will stand before Him one day – just as we will.
I am asking us to focus on our own responsibilities, our own sins and our side of our relationships because God holds us responsible for ourselves. We can’t control other people. We have to trust God to deal with them. And really, we can’t even change ourselves – but we can allow God the freedom and permission to change us and we can respond as He opens our spiritual eyes. So that is where we have to put our focus. That is where our power is! When we are cherishing sin in our hearts – we grieve and alienate the Spirit of God. We cannot have God’s power flowing full strength in us when we are embracing sin and getting cozy with it.

FOR WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED:

Please check out this post about how “dying to self” can be dangerously misunderstood.

NOTE:
I do want to mention – this is something we each choose to do ourselves. It is not appropriate for me to demand that another believer needs to “die to self” to do what I want him/her to do. I can’t force others to obey God. I can set a godly example. I can ask for what I need and desire. I can share my insights and perspective. But I don’t get to control other people or dictate to them what they should do.

My husband should be living wholeheartedly for Christ and leading and loving as Jesus did, laying down his life for me to portray the love of Christ. But it is not my place to say, “You need to die to yourself and do X, Y, and Z to lead me properly.” It is possible for me to try to manipulate my husband, or other believers, in this way, for my own selfish purposes.

 

QUOTES FROM E.M. Bounds – “The Necessity of Prayer”

  • If you desire to pray to God, you must first have a consuming desire to obey Him.
  • If you want free access to God in prayer, then every obstacle of sin or disobedience must be removed.
  • Those who have never wept concerning their sins, have never really prayed over their sins.
  • Until (the step of unquestioning obedience) is taken, prayer for blessing and continued sustenance will be of no use.
  • Praying that does not result in right thinking and right living, is a farce.
  • We must quit praying or our bad conduct.

– I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!” – Galatians 2:20-21
– So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. – Galatians 5:16-24

RELATED:

Dying to Self Can Be Dangerously Misunderstood

Isn’t Loving and Respecting Myself Selfish and Wrong? – by Radiant

“I Am Slowly Finding My Way” – a Guest Post

 

Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked…
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither…   Psalm 1:1-3

From a sister in Christ who is fairly new on this journey to become a more godly woman – I’m so thankful for her willingness to share:

I am fluctuating… slowly finding my way. One day, I am resting in Christ steadily and firmly rooted in God’s arms – the next, I am trying to do everything in my own power and failing miserably. It’s still an improvement from where I was just a few short months ago.

I was grumpy, rude, irritable, short-tempered – in general, not a very nice person. I lived in my feelings; my pride was the scale that weighed every thought and conversation. I blamed everyone around me for my irritability.

I can only imagine what my husband and children must have felt… Realizing what an awful person I had become was not easy for me – I doubt it’s ever easy for anyone. Finding God has blessed my life more than words can express, and He has made so many changes to my heart and mind. Now, I am conscientiously happy – I choose to be excited, joyful, and appreciative. It takes a little effort to tell my pride-driven “feelings” to get lost and embrace happiness, oh, but it’s worth it – to rest in the peace the my God has given me, to play with my kids like I’m 8 years old again, to see my husband light up because something he said made me laugh.
I just had a wonderful weekend with my family. We didn’t do anything special, but it was so peaceful and relaxing. It’s true that our responses as wives and mothers set the tone in our homes. There were little issues that popped up, but I have been so peaceful because of my growing faith that the little blips were just smoothed over, instead of creating a storm.

It seems like when I find these peaceful moments, I say “Thanks, God”, get back behind the wheel, and crash the car, again.

I am so thankful for His grace (and I pray my husband has a huge supply for me, too). But, I have to have grace for myself as well. If God has forgiven me, then I HAVE TO forgive me, too. Psalm 103:11-12 tells me that God has removed my sins and failures from me as far as the east is from the west. What a relief! So, I dust myself off, pray for clarity to see where I went off course, and I continue living in His grace.
I’ve read other women’s accounts of growing into a spiritually mature, virtuous woman; I was warned that it is a slow process. I am finally beginning to realize that MY process is slow because of me. If I just placed all control in God’s hands and rested entirely in him (without taking over after a great week- thinking that I finally crossed the spiritual maturity finish line), then I wouldn’t have such a bumpy road.

I’m not under the illusion that I will ever be without sin; my hope is to mature to a place where my responses are deliberate rather than reactive. I’ve learned so many truths about God, His Word, and myself from Scripture and from more experienced women, and I know it’s possible. The trick (at least for me) is to apply those truths to my life without making a bunch of rules for me to follow to be a “Good Wife.” That also means keeping my motives pure – not making changes to become closer to my family or to get people to see me in a new light.

These changes have only been successful and fruitful once they came from my desire to be closer to God, to please HIM – with an added bonus of peace in my home and improved relationships with my family.

When I try to abide in His will by my own power, my efforts fall short EVERY TIME. I have read those words one hundred times all from different people, but until I attempted it on my own I didn’t understand.

I still have a long way to go – I stumble more than I like. It was me giving up control (or trying to control) every detail in our lives that allowed God’s peace to come into my heart. Focusing on Jeremiah 17:7-8 helped guide me in letting go of my need to control. When you think about it…

Trees don’t chase water and sunshine around. They are steady, peaceful, and still. They take their nourishment from where they are planted. To grow, they dig their roots in deeper – those same roots that nourish them keep them firmly planted in storms.

God is blessing me with these “tree-like” characteristics. I am growing a strong foundation in my relationship with Christ. I have stopped chasing things to make me or others happy . I am content and growing where He wants me to be. I am learning to thank Him for every circumstance – especially those that show me any sins I am holding in my heart.

RELATED:

Stages of This Journey Part 1

Encouragement for Those Who Are in the Trenches

Things Got Worse When I First Started to Change by The Restored Wife

If I Become a Godly Wife – Will I Be Me? by Content in Christ

How to Stay Filled with the Holy Spirit

There Must Be More to This Journey  Than Just Prayer

How to Make Your Husband an Idol

How Satan Would Love to Destroy Your Marriage Through Your Thought Life

If I Trust and Obey God, I Will Be Fake and Lose Myself – a Guest Post

How Can I Tell if I Belong to Christ?

Even Once My Marriage Is Healed, I Can’t Go Back to My Old Ways

"I Will Not Be a 'Second Class Citizen'" – by The Restored Wife

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A guest post by The Restored Wife:

I remember scoffing at the idea that my husband would EVER “rule over me” or control me in any way! I didn’t like the idea of being what I thought of as a second class citizen in my marriage.

I had a post recently here on April’s blog where I shared how that worked out for me. My husband felt so emasculated and discouraged, he completely gave up. We both made many mistakes, eventually leading to divorce. We were actually remarried March 1st, 2016 (praise God) but only after a long, painful journey in which I learned the importance of submission – not in the horrifying way I always thought it would be, but in the way God intended.

Here is an example of a situation where my husband’s leadership works when we disagree:

Our living room furniture is in awful condition, so we decided to shop for new furniture last month. We have VERY different taste so I was dreading the idea of ending up with couches I don’t even like! We sat down and planned out a budget for new furniture, and my husband asked me what color I wanted. I told him I thought gray would look best with the existing walls and decorations, and he actually agreed with me on that part. However, when we went shopping the first day, he was drawn toward couches that didn’t match my taste at all. I asked what he thought about taking some photos that day, then going home and looking over them before we made any decisions, and he agreed.

In the past, I would have demanded this instead of asking him. It makes a big difference to him that I ask respectfully, and generally he goes along with my suggestions when I do this.

That night we looked through the photos both of us had taken with our phones. I told him I didn’t like the overstuffed/oversized look of most of the furniture he picked. I didn’t yell or attack him; I just let him know that the style wasn’t what I had in mind. I asked him what features he liked most about those particular couches, and he actually didn’t care at all that they were the overstuffed kind – he was more worried about the fabric (we have pets) and how easy it would be to clean! Once I realized where his mind was, we got online and found some options that had:

(1) the gray color

(2) the same type of fabric

(3) a more streamlined look.

He was still worried that the couches I liked would be uncomfortable, so we went back to the store the next week to sit on them and try them out. We were able to find a set of couches that met both our requirements, and even though he made the final choice, he was very concerned about making sure I was happy as well.

That’s a small thing, but in the past it would have been a huge fight. I would have insisted we get the furniture I wanted without even understanding (or caring) why he was picking something else. I would have refused to even hear his opinion… I might have even insulted him by saying something like “Furniture is something the woman picks out, not the man.” None of these things would have made him feel respected and it would have driven a larger wedge between us as neither would have felt heard.

Instead, as he has become secure that I trust him to make the best decisions for our family, he seeks my input MORE than he ever did before. He wants me to be happy and is careful to make wise choices.

Not because I’ll make life awful for him if he doesn’t, but because we’ll get along so much better if he does. Before I submitted to him as the leader of our family, I would have never known he was trying to make my life easier by selecting a fabric that was easy to clean – I would have yelled and screamed to get my way and he never would have mentioned WHY he wanted the couches I didn’t like.

Submitting was so foreign to me at first. I had no idea how to be happy in a situation where I thought I would never get to voice my opinions or make decisions. But the only thing that really changed is “how” I share what I think and how my husband reacts to it. He thinks of things that never even cross my mind and I learn so much from him now that I allow him the space to share without feeling like I’ll dismiss or attack him. It’s a difficult mindset shift but I have received nothing but blessings since I allowed myself to trust God’s plan for our marriage.

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

In God’s design, the husband and wife have equal value and worth. Both have an important voice. Both feel listened to. Both contribute all of themselves. Both feel loved, honored, and respected. We are not the same, but it is our differences in body, mind, and spirit that attract us to each other. It is our differences that allow us to function as a team and as one. We have different roles, but we have the same goal and we are equally valued and precious in the kingdom of Christ. We both have equal access to God and we are both co-heirs with Christ.

A godly husband and wife would both seek to be selfless, humble, generous, thoughtful, considerate, understanding, and compassionate when they are making decisions because of the Holy Spirit working in them. They would want to attempt to reach a win/win solution. There should be teamwork, calm discussion, and collaboration. It is only after such steps are taken for each spouse to understand the other and to honor the other and to try to reach a solution both husband and wife would like – that if they still can’t agree, the wife would then choose to honor her husband’s leadership and trust God to lead her through him. Sometimes decisions may have to be made quickly, without time for discussion – if there is an emergency. Some situations don’t have compromises.  But both spouses ideally would be seeking to do what is best for the family and seeking to be selfless and should desire to do what is ultimately best in God’s eyes for everyone in the family.

Many times, the actual decision isn’t as important as how we treat each other during the decision-making process. 

RELATED:

Biblical Submission

Spiritual Authority

A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage

Husbands Are Never the Absolute Authority

Biblical Submission Does Not Mean the Husband Is Always Right

Biblical Submission Is Not Passivity

Can a Wife Overdo Submission?

Do You Have to Lose Yourself or Be Fake to Be a Godly Wife?

Does Being Biblically Submissive Mean I Can’t Share My Feelings and What I Need

The Pendulum Effect (avoiding the sinful extremes of being too passive and too controlling)

25 Ways to Respect Myself

What Is Godly Leadership?

Isn’t It Demeaning to Me If I Respect My Husband?

 

25 Ways to Show Real Respect for Your Husband

photo credit Maral Rabbit Photography
photo credit Maral Rabbit Photography

 

ADMIN NOTE:

If anyone has some Valentine’s Day disappointment you would like to hash through together with me, let me know. We can talk about it. Also, please check out Valentine’s Day Expectations.

BOOK NEWS:

My book, The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord, is on sale on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Google Play (the Kindle version) for $1.99 through next Monday! Please check it out, and do an honest review if you get a chance. That would be awesome!

—————-

Every husband has his own list. What matters most is not this particular list, but what most speaks honor and real respect to your particular husband. 🙂

 

25 WAYS TO RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND

  1. Be sure to have your time with God in His Word and in prayer daily. It is impossible to be a godly wife and to honor our husbands from the heart if we are spiritually starving.
  2. Care about his feelings, words, and opinions the way you would like him to care about yours.
  3. Treat him like a grown adult and a person of equal worth in the eyes of God.
  4. Approach him with humility realizing that his perspective and wisdom have worth just like yours do.
  5. If he has a higher drive sexually, seek to be joyfully available to him and to enjoy him whenever you can. If he has a lower drive sexually, seek to extend grace, patience, understanding, and selflessness to him rather than pressuring him or condemning him.
  6. Don’t interrupt him whenever possible.
  7. Treat him well especially in front of others. This includes social media.
  8. Bless him with that radiant smile of yours that lights up the room just because you love him when you see him after work (and lots of other times, too).
  9. When he mentions something that is important to him, try to put that high up on your to-do list.
  10. Communicate directly, concisely, and in a straightforward way rather than giving hints and expecting him to read your mind.
  11. Share your concerns, ideas, wisdom, perspective, and feelings calmly, with a pleasant tone of voice whenever appropriate, using good manners.
  12. Use a friendly tone of voice and facial expressions as a general habit.
  13. Focus on his strengths and the good things you see in him.
  14. Appreciate the ways he shows you love and tries to make your life better even if there are other ways you would like him to show love to you.
  15. Honor his parenting and seek to support his decisions as much as possible. If you disagree, share that respectfully and humbly in private. (If he is sinning against your children, you may need to confront him)
  16. Speak highly of his family.
  17. Do things that you enjoy for yourself.
  18. Give him time to process difficult emotions and tough decisions without pressuring him to talk if he is not ready.
  19. Keep vulnerable and sensitive information confidential (unless there are severe problems and you are speaking to a counselor/appropriate mentor/the police).
  20. Be flexible and able to roll with changes and challenges that inevitably come up in life. Your stress level greatly impacts everyone in the family, including your husband. When you are stressed, he is much more stressed.  If you are able to have an adventurous, joyful, calm spirit, everyone else will weather trials more easily, too.
  21. Believe in him.
  22. Don’t compare him to other men, even in your heart.
  23. Accept him and let him know you appreciate the man he is and that you are not trying to change him. He is not your “project.”
  24. Receive compliments, love, acts of service, and gifts from him graciously.
  25. Relax with him and be his friend.

 

NOTE:

It is so critical that before we attempt to honor our husbands, we put God way above our husbands in our hearts so that we are filled to overflowing with Christ. Then we approach the marriage from a position of spiritual and emotional abundance. We find our security and identity in Christ. We are already fulfilled and content in Jesus. Only He can meet the deepest needs of our hearts, minds, and souls – no human can do that. When we understand that our husbands can’t be God to us, and that they are mere mortals just like we are, we can see them as fellow travelers rather than having expectations of them and of marriage that are unrealistic.

We can take responsibility for our own spiritual well-being in God and our own emotions. We can be sure we are treating God and ourselves with respect. We can be filled up with God’s Spirit, spilling over with His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Then we are ready to learn to respect our husbands.

(Wives would appreciate many of these things, as well – and wives each have their own list of things that feel loving to them, too. Everyone appreciates being treated with honor, godly love, and respect.)

(If a husband is involved in unrepentant sin, a wife does have a responsibility to respectfully confront him in many situations.)

SHARE:

Ladies,

If you would like to share the things you have learned that your husband appreciates most we’d love for you to share!

Gentlemen,

If you would like to share the things that most speak respect and honor to you as a husband, you are welcome to share.

 

The Pendulum Effect

Glasgow Pendulum
Glasgow Pendulum

These are some observations I have made on this journey to become a godly wife that I pray might be a blessing to you. 🙂

TWO SINFUL EXTREMES:

With almost every aspect of the Christian life, I  picture a number line.  In one direction is one extreme and in the other direction is another extreme. In the power of the sinful flesh, all we can do is swing back and forth from one sinful tendency to another like a pendulum. We swing too far one way then too far the other way – and no matter which way we swing, we create dysfunction. It is VERY frustrating! Some examples:

 

Passive/Doormat <———-> Dominant/Control Freak

Too Quiet <———-> Too Talkative

Subservient<———-> Disrespectful

Afraid/Worried <———-> Apathetic

Perfectionistic/Legalistic <———-> License to Sin/Carelessness

This is often why those who don’t know Christ get so offended when I describe being a godly wife. The only options available to us when we are operating in our own flesh and our own human wisdom are these sinful extremes. They can’t see any other way. If I am talking about not being controlling and not being disrespectful – the world thinks the only option is to be a silent slave with no value, no voice, and no power.

GOD’S WAYS ARE MUCH HIGHER THAN OUR WAYS:

God is all about a proper delicate balance and tension between contrasting qualities.

  • He is Love but at the same time He is Holy and Just.
  • He is full of grace, mercy, and forgiveness, but at the same time, He has wrath for sin.
  • He is patient and long-suffering, but He also has righteous anger and He carries out judgment swiftly when He knows it is the right time.
  • He is omnipotent and gentle.
  • He is omnipresent but He is a gentleman and does not force us to let Him reign in our hearts.
  • He is completely sovereign but He gives us free will and He does not override that.

We get a warped view of God when we focus on one attribute without understanding that all of His attributes are equally present all the time and that they exist in balance. Godliness is very similar – it is about proper balance.

 

SOARING ABOVE THE SINFUL EXTREMES:

The way I picture it, when we come to Christ and allow Him to be LORD and yield control completely to Him each day and each moment as best we know how – He doesn’t call us to swing on the pendulum anymore, He empowers us to soar on wings like eagles above those sinful extremes in a beautiful balance of godly characteristics. Of course, it does take time – sanctification is a process where we learn to allow God to work in us more and more – it is very much like learning to walk. We fall a lot, especially at first – but we are never exempt from falling. If we are not abiding in Christ and His Spirit is not in control, we can fall at any time into sin.

The world thinks of “power” and “freedom” as the “strength to do whatever we want whenever we want in our sinful nature.”

In God’s economy “power and “freedom” are the “strength and ability to walk in obedience to God for His glory.”

So, instead of:

  • passivity or dominance – we have the power to share our feelings, concerns, and ideas vulnerably and confidently but we don’t have to revert to doing nothing and we don’t have to try to steam roll people. God gives us the power to fly above the center of those two things in this sweet place of beauty and godly power.
  • being too quiet or talking too much – God prompts us when to be quiet and when to wait and when and what to say at just the right time in just the right way.
  • being too wimpy or too harsh  – God empowers us to be assertive and bold but with the power of His love motivating and compelling us to do the right thing at the right time for the right reasons.
  • subservience or disrespect – God empowers us to first of all reverence Him above all else and to respect Him properly, then we are able to show proper respect for our husbands and others out of reverence for God and a desire to bless others without viewing ourselves as subhuman. We have godly humility and no pride – but it is a healthy thing, not a destructive thing.
  • having fear or apathy – we realize that God is sovereign and we rest in His sovereignty and we realize that He is in control so we don’t have to be afraid even if we must face our greatest fears. We trust Him with our fears. And we can love because we aren’t trying to protect ourselves. We have God’s Spirit’s power of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
  • legalism/perfectionism or license to sin – we use our freedom in Christ to serve others in love. We know we don’t have to earn God’s favor through works. We are not under the Law of the Old Testament, but we are under Grace. We wouldn’t dare disrespect the Grace for which Christ died to share with us. We WANT to live holy lives out of gratitude for all Jesus has done for us. So we are no longer oppressed by legalism and trying to sanctify ourselves in our own strength and we are not involved in using the grace of Christ to trample the blood of Christ by saying, “let’s sin all we can so we can get more grace!” We want to please God and we have joy in living for Christ as His Spirit empowers us.
  • idolatry of others or idolatry of self – We tear out everything we have put above Christ in our hearts and set Him firmly on the throne of our lives so that He is by far our greatest priority and concern. We love Him far above others. We care about His opinion and His will more than anything or anyone else.
  • being enmeshed or being distant – We have the power to separate ourselves in a healthy way from others so that we are not trying to be responsible for their emotions or expecting them to be responsible for our happiness or our spiritual well-being but we don’t have to be cold and distant. We have the power to love with God’s love at just the right amount of distance/space.
  • seeking self-protection or martyrdom/resentment – I don’t have to try to protect myself when I know God is protecting me. I don’t do stupid things on purpose. But if I know I am in God’s will, that is where I want to be. I don’t have to fear getting hurt in my relationships because I know God will be with me and will empower me to deal with whatever may come and that He will use all things ultimately for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28-29). I don’t have to give grudgingly or as a martyr or be filled with resentment because I am no longer loving others to get what I want from them. I am loving others because God is in me and He is love. I don’t need reciprocity from other people when I have God’s power to love. I can love unconditionally and seek to bless others, knowing God is pleased and He will reward me.
  • trusting others too much or shutting down – I know that people will fail me. They are all sinners. I don’t expect people to be perfect. I don’t expect them to be Jesus to me. My primary trust is in God, not people. I don’t have to shut down from others because God’s Spirit empowers me to love. I don’t have to keep my distance out of fear. I can guard my heart wisely – but I don’t have to shut down because of discouragement, depression, hatred, or bitterness. I am free in Christ to love however He calls me to love.
  • people pleasing or selfishness –  People pleasing says that I must have the approval of others. Selfishness says that I only need my own approval. When I live for Christ, I don’t need the approval of other people or my own approval, my goal is only to have the approval of God. So I can live without man’s approval if I know I am walking in obedience to God by the power of the Holy Spirit working in me. I die to my own will and seek God’s will. It is ALL about Him.

 

EXTRA STUDY – GETTING OUR ACCOUNTS RIGHT WITH GOD:

When we receive Christ as our Savior and our LORD, we submit our will to His and His Spirit does the hard work. Jesus’ work saves us and makes us right with God. His death on the cross justifies us before God. That is an accounting term. He puts all of His perfect righteousness and holiness in our account when we receive Him. He takes all of our sin debt – our billions of dollars of sin debt – and He pays the entire debt for us on the cross. We are now justified. Our account has everything He is and all that He has done in it and no longer contains all of our sin.

There are 3 stages of salvation:

  1. Justification – cancels the penalty of sin that we deserved before a Holy God.
  2. Sanctification – cancels the power of sin in our lives as we learn to live in the power of the Spirit. This is a lifelong, gradual process that will not be completely finished until death. We still have the sinful nature with us. But God also gives us a new nature. The sinful nature cannot be sanctified. It must be crucified. In Christ, it was crucified so we can learn to live as if it is dead. The new nature doesn’t really need sanctification, it is already holy. But there is a learning process as we learn to take up our cross and allow Christ full control.
  3. Glorification – cancels the presence of sin.

All of these stages are done by God’s power, not ours. We cannot justify ourselves by legalism or works – by being “good enough.” We cannot sanctify ourselves by “being good enough” or “doing enough” in our own strength. And we cannot glorify ourselves in our own strength.

We are 100% dependent on Christ for every stage. It is all what He has done for us and what He does in and through us.

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My Identity in Christ – the ONLY Source of My Power, Strength, Hope, Security, Peace, and Joy!

 

If I have received the death of Christ on my behalf (to make me right with God) and have surrendered all of myself and my life to Him as Lord, I have a very specific identity in Christ that I must always keep in mind. Any time that the enemy tries to throw me off balance or attack me in some way, I need to go back to the basics of who Jesus is, what Jesus has done for me, and who I am in God’s eyes when I belong to Christ Jesus.

WHO I WAS

  • I was a wretched sinner, hopeless, without any ability to do anything good in God’s eyes, unable to make myself right with God and condemned in the eyes of the One True Almighty God. (Romans 3:23, Isaiah 64:6, Romans 3:12, John 3:18)
  • I deserved and earned hell – eternal punishment and separation from the only God who is completely holy and unable to tolerate any sin in His presence. (John 3:18, Romans 6:23, Revelation 21:8, Revelation 20:15)
  • I was a slave to sin and couldn’t possibly do anything that was pleasing to God. (Romans 8:6-8, Romans 6:16)
  • Righteousness had no control over me. (Romans 6:20)
  • I was controlled by my sinful flesh and my mind was death. (Romans 8:6)
  • I was hostile toward God. (Romans 8:7)

What I am about to share below is the Truth from God’s Word. These are ironclad promises to those who are in Christ Jesus. If what I believe about myself does not line up with Scripture, and I belong to Christ, I need to trash my old thoughts and embrace and cling to God’s Truth about me. These are all things I already possess in Christ if I am His!

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I can REST in what Jesus has done for me that I could never do!

WHO I AM IN CHRIST NOW THAT I HAVE RECEIVED CHRIST AS MY SAVIOR AND LORD

  • God is my Lord and my King! He is my Master. I have fully yielded control of my life to Him and trusted Him with everything.
  • God counts Jesus’ life as if it were my life. When God looks at me, because I am in Christ, He sees Jesus’ holiness and obedience and His perfect, sinless life.
  • God counts Jesus’ death as if it were my death. I have died to this world. I have died to my mortal life here. I have died to my sin. God counts me as having died with Jesus when He died. (Romans 6:3-14, Romans 8:10)
  • God counts Jesus’ resurrection from the dead and His victory over sin as my resurrection and my victory! (Romans 6:3-14, Romans 8:10-11))
  • God accepted Jesus’ payment for my sin on the cross. The holiness, righteousness, and obedience of Christ was placed in my bank account. I was a debtor to God. I owed Him “billions of sin dollars” that I could never repay. But Jesus more than paid for all of my sin on the cross. I owe nothing to God now. I am “justified” before Him which is an accounting term. My account has been paid in full. (Romans 8:30) I have complete and total peace with God.
  • I am alive to God in Christ! (Romans 6:11)
  • I am seated with Christ at the right hand of the Father in heaven. (Ephesians 2:6, Colossians 3:1)
  • Jesus gave ALL of Himself for me. He died for me. He paid for my sin. He raised me to new life in Himself. He gave me access to all that He possesses. I am His joint heir. I possess all of the riches of heaven. (Romans 8:17)
  • I now give ALL of myself to Jesus. I hold nothing back from Him and allow Him full access to all that I am and all that I possess. I pick up my cross daily and follow Him. I yield control to Him of every aspect of my life. He is LORD of all in my life. (Luke 9:23, 2 Corinthians 5:15, Romans 10:9, Luke 6:46)
  • No weapon formed against me shall prosper. (Isaiah 54:17)
  • I possess heavenly weapons to tear down demonic and sinful strongholds and every argument and pretension that has lifted itself up against Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)
  • I can take every thought captive for Christ and not be at the mercy of lies or sinful thoughts but have Jesus’ victory over them! (2 Corinthians 10:5)
  • I have the full armor of God – the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of readiness, the belt of truth, the shield of faith, and the sword of the Word of God. (Ephesians 6:10-17)
  • In Christ, I have victory over sin and am no longer a slave to sin but now I am a slave to righteousness! (Romans 6:3-14, Romans 8:5-9)
  • If I do sin, I can confess my sin and turn from it, turning to Christ and God will forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
  • God no longer condemns me because I am in Christ! I am set free from the law of sin and death!!! (Romans 8:1)
  • Christ and His grace are more than sufficient for me in any circumstance. His power is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
  • I can be content in every situation through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12-13)
  • God’s Spirit is in control of my life now, so my mind is life and peace. (Romans 8:6)
  • By the Spirit, I have the power to put to death the misdeeds of the body. (Romans 8:13)
  • I am led by the Spirit of God. (Romans 8:14)
  • I am a daughter of God and I no longer have to be afraid!!! (Romans 8:15)
  • I share with the sufferings of Christ now and then get to share in His glory in heaven. (Romans 8:17)
  • God’s Spirit Himself intercedes for (prays for) me with groans that words cannot express in accordance with God’s will. (Romans 8:26-27)
  • Jesus intercedes for me at the right hand of God the Father. (Hebrews 4:25)
  • God knew me before He created the world. (Romans 8:29)
  • God predestined me to be conformed to the image of His Son. (Romans 8:29)
  • God called me. (Romans 8:30)
  • God justified me – made my account right with Him through Christ’s death on the cross and my acceptance of that gift of grace. (Romans 8:30)
  • God glorified me – this will happen when I enter heaven. (Romans 8:30)
  • God alone is the Judge and He is the Executioner. If God is for me, no one can be against me! (Romans 8:31-34)
  • God loved me so much that He was willing to give up His only Son for me before I even loved Him, how much more will He now graciously give me all things? (Romans 8:32)
  • Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ! (Romans 8:35-39)
  • God is sovereign and has designed everything in my life, including suffering, to mold me more and more into the image of Christ and to bring me into greater maturity in my faith. (Romans 8:28-29, James 1:2-4, Hebrews 12, I Peter, Job)
  • I am more than a conqueror through Christ who loved me! (Romans 8:37)
  • When I fully submit to Christ as Lord, He fills me with His Spirit and I am overflowing with His supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)
  • I can receive ALL that Christ has done for me and all that He has given to me. No one can take away the joy Christ gives me. (John 16:22)
  • God will cause me to continue to grow and mature and will complete the good work He began in me. (Philippians 1:6)

This is not everything that I am in Christ, but it is a good start. 🙂

MORE WAYS I CAN GROW IN CHRIST

ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND

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DAVID PLATT SERMON – THE DISCIPLE’S IDENTITY IN CHRIST PART 1

A Wife Shares What She Has Learned in Her First Year on This Journey

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In response to my post last week – thanks so much to this dear wife for allowing me to share!

Some things I have learned about my husband in the past year, since working on respect:

* Complaining stresses him out. Even if it is about something he can’t control (like the weather), he really just can’t take negatives! His work life is all the stress he can handle.

* When he comes home, he needs to be greeted and feel relaxed, because he comes home to de-stress. Lists or the kids’ schedules are stressful.

* I have learned to email him our kids’ sports schedules and not talk about the schedules. This way, our conversations don’t have to be centered on driving/schedules/etc.

* He likes being around me more when I am quiet and peaceful. (sense a theme here?)

* He now sees his friends less (because I am more of a friend to him now, not a needy, complaining wife) and takes me out more and spends more time with me.

* He calls me “Babe” now & is much more romantic with me…since he feels more relaxed and respected around me, I am much more appealing to him.

How does my husband reflect Christ to me?

* My husband wants me to trust him in everything.

* My husband wants me to be thankful for all the good in our lives, and not complain about the bad.

* My husband wants me to just be with him, not just asking for things.

* My husband hates worrying and fearfulness.

* My husband truly does love me and wants the best for me.

* My husband’s timeline is not my timeline. I need to trust his timeline.

What have I learned about myself?

* When I try to “do everything” to “help,” I’m actually trying to control everything…which makes my husband and children resentful.

* I can let go of control, and the sun still shines…and I’m a whole lot happier and less stressed.

* When I was seeking perfection, I was not happy, and neither was anyone else…even though I thought I was doing everything for the family’s “common good.”

* The more in love with Christ I fall, the more peaceful and joy-filled I am.

* Being gentle and quiet and waiting is not weakness or laziness. I am actually a better witness when I am “resting” in Christ…a breeze kisses, whereas a tornado disturbs and destroys. Lord, make me a gentle breeze.

 

Share:

What has God shown you about what speaks respect to your husband, about how your husband reflects Christ to you, and/or about yourself on this journey to become a godly wife?

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