Skip to main content

If I Insult Others, I Need a Spiritual Check Up ASAP

Photo by John-Mark Smith on Unsplash

It’s easy to get into the habit of fault-finding and having a critical spirit about other people.

It takes no spiritual maturity, wisdom, talent, or special abilities to criticize others and tear them down with words. The sinful nature does this effortlessly.

It’s also easy to think, “Well, he hurt me, so now I get to hurt him.” Or, “She insulted me, so now I get to take revenge and attack her and hurt her even worse than she hurt me. That will teach her a lesson!” Or, “How dare anyone think bad things about me? How dare anyone not think I am totally perfect?” Then I may think I can justify my sinful response to that person in my mind. Of course, this won’t hold water with God.

Sin is never justifiable in His eyes and He always provides a way out from temptation for His children. If only we will take it!

If I think along the lines of pride, vengeance, hatred, jealousy, or self-righteousness, I will respond in the flesh not in the power of the Spirit of God. I must learn to take my sinful thoughts captive for Christ before they lead me into sinful words and actions.

  • With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. James 3:9-10

From the post, “What Does the Bible Say about Being Meanspirited?” by

Christlike living is in direct opposition to a mean spirit. To highlight some differences:

• Our mean spirit wants to get revenge; Jesus says to forgive (Matthew 6:14–15).
• Our mean spirit wants to exalt itself; Jesus says to seek humility (Matthew 23:12).
• Our mean spirit wants to be first; Jesus says we are blessed if we choose to be last (Mark 9:35).
• Our mean spirit wants to fight; Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:9).
• Our mean spirit wants to gossip; the Bible says to guard our mouths (Proverbs 13:3).
• Our mean spirit is rude; Jesus says our speech should be gracious (Colossians 4:6).

God Calls Us to Love

There are two primary commands for believers in Christ (Matt. 22:36-40).

  1. To love the Lord our God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength.
  2. To love others as we love ourselves – with God’s agape love.

Here is the kind of love God calls us to have for others.

It is a divine love that we can only have through the Holy Spirit:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Cor. 13:4-8

And God calls us to live by the power of the Spirit not by the power of our sinful flesh:You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. Gal. 5:13-15

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Gal. 5:22-26

Why Do I Want to Insult Others?

Maybe it could be helpful for me to think about why I feel compelled to insult other people, if this is a struggle for me. Once I see why I am doing this, then I can invite God to help me address the root sin issues so I can repent and stop living this way and start living in ways that honor the Lord.

  • Do I not know Jesus as my Savior and Lord?
  • Have I submitted myself to the Lordship of Christ?
  • Is it just a bad habit that I don’t even realize I am doing?
  • Do I want to feel better about myself by putting others down? Am I a bully and/or emotionally abusive?
  • Am I self-righteous? Do I think I am more holy and good than other people?
  • Am I prideful? Do I think I know best and my wisdom is equal to or greater than God’s?
  • Am I putting myself, in my mind, in the place of God as Judge of human hearts, minds, and souls? Do I consciously or subconsciously think people answer to me rather than to the Lord?
  • Do I think God’s Word doesn’t apply to me? I am somehow above His commands?
  • Am I acting in fear? Am I trying to protect myself by lashing out at others?
  • Do I enjoy hurting other people? Am I malicious?
  • Am I a narcissist? Do I only care about myself and my happiness?
  • Do I know the Lord, but have I grieved His Spirit because of unrepentant sin in my life? Am I walking in disobedience to the Word of God in some area of my life so that I don’t have the power of the Spirit right now?
  • Do I love and desire something else more than God? If I have something else on the throne of my heart, I will feel frustrated and resentful because there is no contentment, joy, or peace in anything but Jesus.
  • Do I hate God or think lies about God or feel betrayed by God because people hurt me?
  • Do I hate people?
  • Do I hate myself?
  • Am I codependent with someone else? Do I idolize my husband or another person and then get angry at them when they don’t meet my deepest needs? Do I expect other people to be responsible for my emotional and spiritual wellbeing? Or do I think I am responsible for other people’s decisions and their emotional and spiritual well-being? Do I have my boundaries and responsibilities mixed up in a dysfunctional way?
  • Do I have unbiblical or unrealistic expectations of others and resent them when they disappoint me?
  • Do I let my emotions rule and reign in my life instead of the Spirit?
  • Do I let PMS or hormones dictate my words?
  • Maybe I feel insulted by someone else and I end up reacting in the flesh and am not sure how to respond rightly.
  • Do I have a medical issue that needs attention – thyroid problems, nutritional deprivation, sleep-deprivation, low blood sugar, side effects from a medication, postpartum depression, etc…?
  • Am I deeply spiritually and emotionally wounded myself and do I need spiritual healing?
  • Do I have issues with bitterness, grudges, unforgiveness, and resentment?
  • Do I want power over others, do I try to control them with hurtful words?
  • Do I believe that I have to insult and disrespect others in order to respect myself?
  • Did I experience emotional/verbal abuse when I was growing up? Does this just seem normal and maybe I don’t purposely do it, but I don’t know any other way to relate to people? Maybe I don’t know how to be vulnerable and direct or how to respectfully ask for what I would like?

Or is there some other reason behind my hurtful words?

Pray with Me


We invite You to illuminate our hearts, minds, motives, and deepest thoughts. Please expose any sin in the dark corners of our souls. Shine Your blazing Light of truth and love in every nook and cranny. Help us to see toxic ways of thinking and help us to repent so that we can be made right with You and we can be healed by the power of the blood of Jesus. Then please show us how to seek to repent to those we have hurt and to try to make things right and to live Your new way from now on. Help us to treat others with Your love, honor, and respect. That is how we show our love for You. However we treat people – You take that as how we treat You.


Verses about Insults

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. Prov. 10:12 

  • (Note, this doesn’t mean we never confront sin. But we don’t go telling everyone about it. We handle it rightly. And we realize some things are so insignificant, we can pass over them.)

Whoever shows contempt for his neighbor lacks sense, but a person with understanding keeps silent. Prov. 11:12

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Prov. 19:11

Don’t let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools. Eccl. 7:9

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. Matt. 5:22

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” Matt. 5:43-45

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rom. 12:14

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Rom. 12:17-21

In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Eph. 4:26

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Eph. 4:29

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Eph. 4:32

To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. Titus 3:2

When he (Jesus) was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 1 Pet. 2:23


What are some things you have learned about why you have been tempted to insult people in the past? We’d love to hear any wisdom the Lord has given you about overcoming the habit of using hurtful words.

Much love!


What Is an Insult? And what is it not?

How I Respond to Insults Says a Lot about My Character

Responding to Insults, Criticisms, and Rebukes

What Place Do  Hatred, Rage, and Violence Have in Our Lives as Believers in Christ?

Practical Steps to Overcoming Hatred, Rage, and Violence

Our Words Can Cause Catastrophic Damage

Am I Too Chatty with My Husband?

Am I Too Quiet with My Husband?


Of course the foundational thing I need (in order to do anything good in God’s eyes) is to have Jesus as my Savior and Lord. I need to:

1. ADMIT I am a sinner and there is nothing I can do to make myself in right relationship with the One true holy God of the universe.

– “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Rom. 3:23

2. BELIEVE that Jesus, God in the flesh, left the glory of heaven, came to this world to live the perfect life I couldn’t live and die the death I deserved for my sin in my place. He conquered sin, death, and the grave on my behalf and was raised on the 3rd day.

– “For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
– “The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Rom. 6:23

3. CONFESS that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Lord and give my whole life and everything in my life to Him. He is now in charge not me and I will follow Him for the rest of my life.

– “Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Rom. 10:9
– And he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. 2 Cor. 5:15
– “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 7:21

Much love!

8 Practical Tips to Put the Brakes on Complaining

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

8 Tips to Nip Complaining in the Bud

1. Replace negative thoughts with thankful ones. Think about good things.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil. 4:8

2. Focus on praising God in your thoughts and with songs. 

Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness. Ps. 115:1

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Ps. 100:1-2

3. Memorize and meditate on Scripture.

I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds. Ps. 77:12

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Ps. 119:11

I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes. Ps. 119:99

4. Invite God to use the negative things in your life to help you grow in spiritual maturity, to bless others, and to bring glory to His Name.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Rom. 5:3-5

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

NOTE – If you are not safe. If you are in an abusive or dangerous situation, these verses don’t mean to just sit there and take abuse if you have the power to leave. We have a responsibility to get somewhere safe and to keep our children safe if there are actions we can take.

5. Avoid negative input from other people (when possible), from media, music, movies, books, etc… and replace the negative input with healthy, wholesome, Christ-honoring input that will feed my soul. 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Rom. 12:2

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Col. 3:2

6. Journal about my journey or have an accountability partner. 

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Eccl. 4:12

7. Make it a group project at church, in the family, at work, in the neighborhood, with friends, or wherever.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, Heb. 10:24

8. As soon as I mess up, I need to repent and get right back up and invite God to continue to make me more like Jesus. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9


Added Bonuses When I Stop My Habit of Complaining about Every Little Thing:

  • There is more peace in my relationships.
  • I have more peace in my own heart and mind.
  • I can be closer to the Lord.
  • It’s easier for my husband to lead.
  • I have a much more powerful witness for Jesus.
  • I am more fun to be around for everyone.
  • I have more joy.
  • I am more attractive to my husband.
  • I don’t annoy myself as much.


What tips do you have to share to help us all avoid complaining?

What bonuses have you noticed when you cut way back on a complaining spirit?


Complaining VS Informing – We do need to be able to share important things. Thankfully, we can do that without complaining!

Other posts about complaining

If I Stop the Negative Talk – What on Earth Will I Talk about?

17 Tips to Ask for What You Desire Respectfully

I Can’t Ask for Things. I Can’t Have Needs, Desires or Emotions. – by Radiant

I Must Avoid Conflict at All Costs. That’s the Godly Thing to Do. – No! Sometimes we do need to engage in conflicts and disagreements. But, thankfully, in the power of the Holy Spirit, we can do that without sinning.

Some Conflict Is Inevitable 

I Don’t Want to Lose My Voice, My Power, or My Identity!  

Confronting Our Husbands about Their Sin

Another Challenge – Let Your Yes Mean Yes and Your No Mean No – Sharing our desires vulnerably


How to Have a Saving Relationship with Jesus:

Of course the foundational thing – before I can do anything good – is I need to have Jesus as my Savior and Lord. I’d like to share the “ABC’s of Salvation.”

I need to:

1. ADMIT I am a sinner and there is nothing I can do to make myself in right relationship with the One true holy God of the universe.

  • “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Rom. 3:23

2. BELIEVE that Jesus, God in the flesh, left the glory of heaven, came to this world to live the perfect life I couldn’t live and die the death I deserved for my sin in my place. He conquered sin, death, and the grave on my behalf and was raised on the 3rd day.

  • “The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Rom. 6:23

3. CONFESS that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Lord and give my whole life and everything in my life to Him. He is now in charge not me and I will follow Him for the rest of my life.

  • “Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Rom. 10:9
  • And he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. 2 Cor. 5:15
  • “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 7:21


How to Have a Saving Relationship with Christ

What Is Lordship Salvation? by

What Is the Gospel? by


Much love!

Does God Call Women to Be Weak?

First of all, we need to understand that the world’s definitions of strength and weakness are very different from God’s.

In the world:

  • Power means having the ability to do whatever I want to do.
  • Weakness means not being able to do exactly what I want to do all the time.

So power means I have total control to do what I think is best. It is all about self being on the throne of my life.

In God’s kingdom:

  • Power is about having the ability (totally from the Holy Spirit) to obey God and walk in holiness.
  • Weakness is about trusting self, living in sin, having a lack of faith in God, living apart from fellowship with God, and using human wisdom and strength.

God calls all believers to crucify our old sinful selves. There is no help for my sinful self. I can’t make it “better” enough in God’s sight. He doesn’t have plans to make my old self better, either. It is impossible. I don’t just need washing or sprucing up. I am not an old house that just needs a bit of renovations. In God’s eyes, nothing from my old self is salvageable. It is only fit for crucifixion. Time to bring in the bulldozers and completely raze the old house. My old self is fit only for condemnation and death.

God doesn’t call me to be weak. He calls me to be dead.

Dead to this world. Dead to sin. Dead to fleshly pleasure. Dead to human wisdom. Dead to my own efforts. Dead to my desires and my will. Dead to my pride that there could be any good in me or that I could possibly please the Lord on my own.

Every part of my old self must go to the cross to die with Jesus. I can’t keep my strengths, weaknesses, or anything else. All must be laid on the altar. All must be completely sacrificed and burned to ashes.

Of course, He calls men to do the same.

  • Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23

(For more on this, please read Romans 6.)

Thankfully, God doesn’t just call me to be dead. 🙂 He also calls me to live a new life in Christ.

This is where many of us don’t understand ahead of time. How could we, really, if we haven’t experienced it yet? It would be as difficult for us to understand in advance as it would be for a caterpillar to imagine being a butterfly one day, wouldn’t it?

Sometimes we see that we are called to die to self. We see that we give up our will, our desires, and our dreams. We have to wrap ourselves in that dreaded cocoon. All we see is misery, confinement, and death. It seems awful to have to completely surrender self to God. That seems too great a sacrifice from our perspective before self has been crucified.

What we don’t realize yet is that when we yield to God in this way, when we give ALL of ourselves to Him in total surrender, obedience, and trust, He gives ALL of Himself to us. What we gave up was trash. What Jesus gives to us in return is great treasure – Himself! Because I am “in Christ” – His death belongs to me. But also His Life belongs to me. Everything He has and all that He is becomes mine because we are one in Spirit now. He is the head and I am part of His body – the church. His death was my death. His resurrection is my resurrection. I come out on the other side of the cross with new wings and a new body, just like that beautiful butterfly.

But I didn’t cause myself to sprout my own wings. It is not because of my efforts, goodness, or abilities that I am now a butterfly. It is because of God’s power, alone.

Now I can receive all of Jesus’:sean-stratton-60953

  • Spiritual power.
  • Victory over sin.
  • Holiness.
  • Obedience to God.
  • Goodness.
  • Perfect thinking.
  • Desires.
  • Will.
  • Spiritual treasures.
  • Spiritual authority to accomplish His will on earth.
  • Fellowship with God.
  • Wisdom.
  • Plans for me.

A butterfly has no resemblance to the caterpillar she once was. Her old life is over. Her mouth is very different. Her legs are very different. Her body is completely different. Her diet is totally different. A butterfly no longer wants the food she used to eat as a caterpillar! She needs a new food. Her mode of transportation and habitat are different. She has a brand new purpose and incredible beauty.

So it is when we die to our earthly self and begin to experience the life of Christ in us. We are completely different.

We have a new Spirit and a new purpose. A new diet. A new habitat. God calls us to soar on wings like eagles as we live in His power (Isa. 40:31).

God’s ways are always totally opposite of the world’s ways. God calls me to do things as a believer and woman like:

  • Honor my husband’s leadership.
  • Respect my husband.
  • Forgive those who sin against me.
  • Love my enemies.
  • Humble myself before Him and before others.
  • Repay evil with good.
  • Seek fulfillment in Him alone, not in anyone or anything else.
  • Trust His wisdom more than my own.
  • Humble myself so that He will raise me up to a place of glory.

God’s wisdom is never about weakness.

The world may view God’s ways as weakness – because the old sinful self doesn’t get anything. It is dead in a tomb!

But in God’s kingdom, things that seem foolish to the world are wise and powerful. When God’s will is done, everyone is blessed and His kingdom grows by leaps and bounds here on earth and in heaven!

When I give up the world’s wisdom and its ways, the only thing I lose is my ability to destroy my relationships and myself. I gain the power of heaven to experience all of the blessings and spiritual riches of Jesus Christ. Not just in heaven, but now!

When I am fully yielded in submission to Christ as my Lord, I am not weak. I have the very power of God to accomplish God’s will and His purposes. Not because I am good. But because Jesus is good and He is living in and through me.

There is a principle in scripture that the weaker I am, and as I reckon myself dead to this world and self, the stronger Christ is in me! (Romans 6:11, 2 Cor. 12:9) Now I come into relationships from a position of great strength and victory in Christ. Victory over sin. Victory over death. Victory over the flesh. Now I have God’s ability to pour healing, goodness, and Life into my relationships. I am like a big wide-open pipe that is now able to let God’s Spirit gush through me into the lives of everyone around me. My only strength is found in Jesus! I long for everyone to get to experience this new life!

  • God’s version of femininity and masculinity are so much stronger than anything we could experience in this world.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Cor. 5:17



Godly Femininity

Dying to Self

Dying to Self Can Be Dangerously Misunderstood

The Offense of the Cross – Austin Sparks

The Blessing of Knowing about Hell

How to Have a Relationship with Christ


If you want to talk about how you can become a follower of Christ, please leave me a comment. 🙂







Transforming Our Thought Lives


When the flesh is in control, our minds are filled with worldly things like:

  • greed
  • bitterness
  • gossip
  • hatred
  • materialism
  • envy
  • idolatry (desiring other things or people more than we desire God)
  • negativity
  • complaining
  • contention
  • lies
  • pride
  • lust
  • worry
  • fear
  • unbelief
  • self

These things consume our thoughts, fuel our motives, and ultimately determine our words and actions, as well.

When we repent of our sin and come to Christ, yielding to Him as LORD of all in our lives, He transforms our thinking by the power of His Spirit and His Word. So now, we purposely trash everything that is from the sinful nature and the enemy and fill our minds all throughout each day with things like:

  • thanksgiving
  • praises to God
  • contentment in Christ
  • prayer for ourselves, others, the church, the lost, and the world
  • good things about God, others, and this world
  • God’s peace
  • joy
  • God’s Word
  • truth
  • faith in God
  • songs to God
  • love for God
  • love for others
  • things that will benefit others
  • patience
  • kindness
  • grace, mercy, and forgiveness
  • God’s character and nature
  • awe  and reverence for God
  • genuine humility

Whatever we think overflows from our hearts from our facial expressions, our tone of voice, our words, and our behavior. When we are filled to overflowing with the power of the Holy Spirit and the goodness of God, this is what will spill out onto those around us.

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil. 4:4-8

Further Study:

Galatians 5:13-26

Ephesians  4:29-32

Taking Our Thoughts Captive for Christ – Peaceful Wife VIDEO

A Heart of Thanksgiving and Praise – Peaceful Wife VIDEO

A Wife Begs God to Help Her Tame Her Tongue


From a sister in Christ:

I am a young wife. Only just turned 29. Its been 4 years since I became born again. I am still learning this. Yes, I have dug through the Bible front to back already and am very knowledgeable in His Word even for my youth in the faith.

I am the wife that – when my husband scolds me – I retaliate with anger from the hurt. My husband has anger issues and he tends to say the meanest things for the littlest reasons. But recently, I come to realize while listening to a sermon online about the sin of the tongue – that even though I am saved, I do serve God, and preach His Word to other women, etc, etc… if I don’t learn self-control and to allow the Holy Spirit to tame my tongue, my religion is meaningless.

I finally just prayed out loud…

“Jesus, take over my tongue. My anger and bitterness. I want to be like You when they was spitting, mocking and cursing You – who are blameless. You held Your peace, you did not sin! Your eyes were upon God only. From here on out, Satan will no longer win, he can no longer take over my tongue. From here on out, the blood of Jesus has washed my tongue clean and all rights now goes to the Holy Spirit of God!!!! I don’t want to be like this anymore, I don’t want to be weak and selfish anymore. I want my eyes on the cross, especially through trials and suffering. Be gone Satan!!! In the name of Jesus of Nazareth! You will no longer toy with my marriage, my heart and especially my tongue. I will fight with the Word of God. For God said if we do not tame our tongue, then our religion is meaningless. And my religion will not be meaningless!! It will stand for Christ alone.”

After that prayer out loud in my car – it was like this complete peace – this renewing of my mind. I just didn’t feel any bitterness or easily angered/hurt. Of course Satan quickly tested me out. I was napping after 12 hours of work, and my husband woke me up yelling! He was upset about something I didn’t do. He knew I just got home and been working overtime, but he was angry again…. and guess what? I felt nothing???!!! And when I say nothing…

I felt peace and no retaliation.

Before I would have yelled back and said, “What is your problem? Leave me alone, you bi-polar freak! I just got home, I need to sleep. Crazy?!” But this time I just laid there, let him yell and throw tantrums saying mean things blah, blah, blah. And after he was done and walked away, I went right back to sleep. And now I still feel nothing. Before I would be holding a grudge and wishing he would just disappear.

He gave his life to Christ recently, too, after many prayers for him. He repented and started reading Bible. But he has demons that he has yet to fully deal with and every now and then he snaps. He has changed a lot by the grace of God. I notice he snaps usually when his eyes are off Christ. He is a babe in Christ so I don’t hold it against him. I feel so free! I feel like I am no longer bound by the handcuffs of: anger, bitterness, grudge-holding, and hatred toward my husband’s unloving ways toward me anymore.

It’s like when I recognized it, repented, and prayed that out loud…it was like Jesus got the keys and took off the handcuffs!!!!!!!

I am crying as I type this! Now I’m washing clothes, spending time with kids, about to open my Bible right now and meditate on all the verses about self-control and taming our tongues for God’s glory. And I feel happy even though an hour ago I just got scolded and mocked by my husband for something I didn’t do.

I am no longer controlled by my circumstances, instead I am now controlled by the Holy Spirit of God as it SHOULD BE. I just needed to allow Him to guide me!! My husband is a good husband, works hard, and treats our daughters like princesses. His demons just take hold of him at times and I pray for his full deliverance!!! He quit smoking, drinking, and partying all for our family. He works and serves in church. But this one thing he struggles with.

I have faith that – like God showed me -He will do the same for my husband one day.

God showed me my errors, and then He delivered me from it. All wives – it’s SO freeing!!! Mentally, spiritually, everything! I ask you to please try it and allow God to take over. Fight for righteousness, fight for peace!!!! Don’t let the devil win your tongue, your heart. He has won TOO many times already in the past, starting today fight back and say, “NO!!!! The Word of God says this. I will do as God says. Be gone Satan!” Fight the real enemy here!!!!! Not your husband. Satan is the real enemy. God is so good, so all knowing. Oh Lord, forgive me for being naive, for not allowing You to take over my tongue a long time ago! Forgive me and give me grace to continue on!!!


To all the women who feel that its hopeless (from Peacefulwife – if you have severe issues in your marriage, please seek experienced, appropriate, godly help!) with the she-said-he-said “I don’t like the way he did this, he doesn’t like the way I did this,” kind of stuff – always butting heads and putting each other down for it stuff. There is hope, but first thing you gotta do is give your mind, body, and tongue over to God and don’t let Satan toy with it anymore. Once you do, He will change you. The self-control will be so powerful it will be like you don’t even understand yourself what is going on within you. But you know it’s gotta be God…!!!!! That is what happens when you let God take the wheel. Women, the retaliation will be gone. You know why? Because your self-worth will be found in the cross and NOT your husband’s words or actions towards you anymore. You become a person who feels love and peace when others bash at you instead. Like Jesus said on the cross, ”Father forgive them, for they know not what they are doing.” His heart will become yours as well. (tears)


God can give us wisdom about when to speak and when to remain silent. We need His Spirit desperately in these difficult situations!


Posts about Conflict

Confronting Our Husbands about Their Sin

To Speak or Not to Speak?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

How Do You Stay Filled with the Holy Spirit?

Godly Femininity Part 1

Godly Femininity Part 2

“I Don’t Think My Husband Loves Me – How Can I Become a Godly Wife?”

Do You Have to Lose Yourself or Be “Fake” to Be a Godly Wife?

How Satan Would Love to Destroy Your Marriage through Your Thought Life

"If I Become a Godly Wife – Will I Be Me?" – by ContentinChrist


ContentinChrist answers a wife’s question about losing herself if she trusts God fully and about how God can love us unconditionally if He wants us to change:

You will be more *you* than you ever have been, when you give yourself fully to God and allow Him control of your life. I know it doesn’t seem like that, but it’s true.

I don’t know if I would look like it as God wanting you to change. The fact is the old you is gone if you have truly put your trust only and totally in Christ for your salvation. If that is true, then your sinful self (your flesh) has been crucified, dead and buried and you have been raised to new life in Christ (Romans 6). What God asks of us, then, is to live from the truth of this reality (Christ in you, with the personality, gifts, talents, etc. that He has given you). Until you begin to believe what He has said about you (you are loved completely and totally and are safe in and with Him, you are righteous in Christ, you are secure in Christ, etc., etc.) you will not have joy and peace because there is no joy and peace apart from Christ. You have to embrace all that Christ is in and for you for you to experience the freedom that Christ has already purchased for you.

I promise you, there is nothing to fear with this beautiful God who loves you. Yes, you will experience trials and yes, there will be suffering. He does not lie to us about that (isn’t that great? You can totally trust Him because He doesn’t sugar-coat things!). But, the reality is we are going to face lots of trials in this life – either way.

Not putting yourself in God’s hands doesn’t remove you from the trials and sufferings of this life.

It just removes you from the blessing of resting in His love and sovereignty…and unfortunately, it sets us up for even further suffering because we determine to do it our way and hold on to control – and have to experience the painful consequences of our own way of doing things. God is too good and loves you too much to let you stay there. Oh, and let me just bluntly call it like it is….Satan is flat-out lying to you. Sometimes, it helps just to bring that out right into the light. He is trying to convince you that if you trust God totally, then God will require and demand of you more than you can give, or that God will test you with untold horrors. (I understand because I have bought into the same lies at times….and still hear the whispers of them at times).

If you are truly one of His, He absolutely will bring you to a place of surrender. If I were you, I’d just trust that simple fact right now. Don’t try to force it, don’t feel condemned for not being able to “be where you should be” right now. Just simply tell him, “Lord, I want this in my life but I cannot do it. I can’t even surrender to You totally. But You have promised You will complete the good work You began in me and I trust You for that.”

Guess what? With a prayer like that, you have surrendered. Surrender is just handing it over to God….He will do the rest. All He asks is that you are willing.

Sometimes, I have to pray prayers like “God, I am willing to be made willing.” That’s all I have to offer Him and it’s enough. He delights in our admitting that what we have to offer in and of ourselves is inadequate. He is the Source of it all.

I’m excited for you because He’s already begun the work!!! So many of us have been there and yes, it feels crazy scary. But, God has you. Just relax and rest in Him. He is so good. Believe it.

Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”


I Don’t Want to Lose My Voice, My Power  or My Identity

I Will Not Be a Second Class Citizen! – by The Restored Wife

Do You Have to Lose Yourself or Be Fake to Be a Godly Wife?

Dying to Self

25 Ways to Respect Myself

Giving All of Myself to Christ – a Prayer

Submitting to Christ Is about Holding the Things of This World Loosely

Confronting Our Husbands about Their Sin

What Headship/Biblical Submission Look Like at Our House


Can’t I Blame Someone Else? – Part 2



Gary Thomas, in “Sacred Marriage,” said “We are most tempted to sin when we are sinned against.”

Sin is an archery term that means “to miss the mark.” If the arrow is 20 feet away from the target, that is a “sin.” If the arrow is 1/2 inch away from the target, that is also a “sin.” Sin is anything that misses the mark of God’s holy and perfect standard. This is why we are all “wretched sinners.” None of us can live sinless and perfect lives. Only Jesus was able to do that.

  • If someone sins against me, is it ok in God’s sight for me to take revenge and do something nasty back to that person?

As humans, we often think that if someone sins against us first, then we are justified to sin against that person in return – or at the very least, THINK evil things toward that person. That is not how God looks at sin. God hates all sin.He does not give us a free pass to sin when we are sinned against – or at any other time. He desires and commands us as believers to walk in the power of His grace and His Spirit so that we respond without sin, even when  we are sinned against. We cannot do this in our own strength, we must be filled with God’s Spirit to have power and victory over sin.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21

We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 15Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him. I John 3:14-15

  • Is God responsible for making me sinful?

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:13-15

God didn’t create people in a sinful state. He created Adam and Eve in sinless perfection. They chose to sin in Genesis 3 when they ate the fruit that God had instructed them not to eat. God did not “make us this way.” We cannot blame God for our sin. We all choose to sin and God holds us individually accountable for our choices when we are able to understand the difference between right and wrong.

  • Can I blame Satan for my sin?

Satan is able to tempt us to sin. But we ultimately have the choice whether to sin or not ourselves. Before we know Christ, we sin because we are sinners. We are slaves to sin. We are spiritually dead and we have no power to have victory over sin. But Satan does not cause us to sin. God held Adam and Eve accountable for their sin even though Satan deceived Eve. God will hold Satan accountable for his sin, too. He will be eternally condemned. And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever. Revelation 20:10

Check out James 1:13-15 again. It is our own evil desire that drags us away and entices us into sin. Ultimately, we will stand before God and be held accountable by Him for every sinful thought, word and deed if we do not belong to Christ. He will not ignore sin. There will be perfect and righteous justice against all sin.

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. II Corinthians 5:10

But he (Jesus) has appeared once for all at the culmination of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself. Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him. Hebrews 9:26-28

Once we have Christ as our Savior and Lord, He gives us the power of God’s Spirit to be able to walk in victory over sin. We can still choose to sin, but we long to walk in obedience to God out of thanksgiving and gratefulness for all that Jesus has done for us. We hate sin more and more because God hates sin and we love God. We don’t want to grieve His heart anymore and His grace is able to give us the power to walk in obedience to God. When we belong to God, He causes us to become more and more like Jesus. We begin to desire what He desires and we begin to look more and more like Him and to live more and more like He did. We don’t reach total sinless perfection in this life. But Jesus has the power to enable us to walk in victory over sin. We don’t have to be slaves to sin any more! WOOHOO!

That is the great news of Romans 6-8! For a detailed explanation of these concepts, check out Watchman Nee’s “The Normal Christian Life.”

  • Am I responsible for the sins of other people?

I am NOT responsible for my husband’s sin (or for the sins of other grown adults). He is responsible and accountable to God for that himself.

Some women think that because I ask women to own their own sin, that I am saying women are responsible for “all of the problems in a marriage.”

NO!!!!!!  Not at all! (Again, please refer to James 1:13-15.)

– We are responsible for our sin, our wrong motives, our disobedience against God’s Word, our obedience to God and our spiritual growth in Christ. We can make it more tempting for our husbands to sin when we sin in certain ways. We can set “stumbling blocks” before them. Or we can make it easier for our husbands to hear God’s voice when we obey God ourselves. But each person makes his/her own choices. (This would also be true for husbands.)

Each individual will stand before God to give an account for himself or herself. In fact, we will answer for “every careless word spoken.” We will also answer for the hidden motivations of our hearts.

But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. “For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12:36-37

“I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” Jeremiah 17:10

We can create a stumbling block that can be something that makes someone else trip. We are responsible for not causing another person to stumble into sin.

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. Romans 14:3 (The chapter of Romans 14 is all about this topic!)

– It is possible for someone to lead children into sin. That person will be held accountable by God.

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly (humble) position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! Matthew 18:3-7

  • I am responsible for MY sin and MY obedience to God.

The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them. Ezekiel 18:20

There is none righteous, no, not one. Romans 3:10

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus, our Lord. Romans 6:23

  • Our sin is primarily against God.  He is the One we hurt and offend the most.

“Against You and You alone have I sinned…” Psalm 51:4 (David repenting to God of his adultery with Bathsheba and his murder of her husband.)


The only way we can be righteous (be made right with God) is for us to receive, by faith, the gift of Jesus’ death on our behalf and His Lordship – we receive His grace. He laid down His life for us, now we lay down our lives for Him, giving up our own will and our desires, seeking His will and His desires. We give up being on the throne of our lives, and we place Jesus on the throne of our lives, giving Him full control. Then His righteousness is credited to our account, and when God looks at us, He sees His Son’s holy perfection. (Romans 6:23, Ephesians 2:8-10, Romans 6-8)

God allows me to decide how much I will submit to Him and how much of His Spirit I will allow in my life and how much control I will surrender to Him. Do I only want a trickle of Him, or do I want Niagra Falls? That is totally up to me. Of course, if I belong to Him, I will want more and more of Him. I am responsible to seek to grow in Christ and to desire Him more and more.

Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Philippians 2:12-13

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6

I must get rid of my pride in order to receive God’s grace, or God sees me as His enemy. The proud don’t think they need help or grace from God. They think they can handle things on their own. They often lift themselves above other and may even exalt themselves above God, as I used to in my heart. This is a very dangerous place to be! Total humility before God is the key to our ability to approach God and receiving His grace. If I hang on to pride, I am at war with God, Himself.

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10

  • I cannot change my husband or anyone else.
  • I cannot force anyone to come to Christ. Jesus, Himself, does not do this.
  • I cannot take responsibility for another person’s sin on my shoulders.
  • I cannot make anyone obey God. God gives all of us free will.
  • I cannot make my husband or anyone else love me.
  • I cannot stop my husband from leaving if he decides to. The more I try to force him to stay, the more likely he will be to go. (I Corinthians 7)
  • I cannot keep my husband (or anyone else) from sinning in his behavior or in his thoughts. Apart from God’s power, I can’t even keep myself from sinning. Who do I think I am that I would be qualified or appointed to try to keep my husband from sinning?
  • I cannot change my husband’s personality or priorities.
  • God changes people, not me.


I can influence my husband  (A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage), but my husband answers to God for his sin and his obedience or lack of obedience to God. He also answers to God for his stewardship of being in the position of spiritual authority in the marriage and family.

I can obey God myself and abide in the power of Christ. I focus on His Word to me, humbling myself before Him, what He desires me to do, keeping my heart pure before Him, confessing any sin in my life, allowing Him access to the darkest corners of my soul and living in total submission to Christ. Then I do all I can not to be a stumbling block and to make it easier for my husband to hear God’s voice. I am cooperating with God and doing things His way, seeking His will and His glory in my husband’s life and in our marriage.

I trust Him in His sovereignty to deal with my husband and other people. He will repay and hold others accountable for sin against me. Yes, there may be times I may need to confront my husband or others about their sin.  And there may be times I need to leave if I or my children are not safe (I Corinthians 7). But ultimately, either the person who sinned against me will pay for his/her own sin in hell one day (which I REALLY do NOT want to happen), or they will receive the mercy, forgiveness and grace Jesus offers to them on the cross and Jesus will pay that sin debt. There may also be earthly consequences for sin, as well. How I long for everyone to find the blood of Jesus to cleanse each of us from our sin and to give us peace with God and peace with ourselves and with others.

Justice will be served. Punishment will be given against all sin. Either people will receive the punishment they deserve for their own sins, or they will receive Jesus’ gift of taking our punishment for our sins in our place and they will turn away from their sin, turn to Christ and be transformed to be like Jesus as believers. 

God is able to open blinded spiritual eyes in ways that I cannot. I don’t have that power. But God is able to draw people to Himself through the power of His Spirit working in them. My responsibility is to love God, to seek to please and obey Him, to be filled with His Spirit, to grow in Christ, to love others with His love and to share His truth in love. I trust God with the rest.

Christ in me, the hope of glory!

To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Colossians 1:27

Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned— To be sure, sin was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not charged against anyone’s account where there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who is a pattern of the one to come. But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ! Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. Romans 5:12-29


What Does It Mean to Be an Ungodly Woman?

What is Godly Femininity?

Are Women Spiritually/Morally Superior to Men?

But I Am a GOOD Person! – We may think this, but only God is good according to Christ!

Godly Femininity – Part 2



enjoying a sunny afternoon



If you have not read Part 1, please read that to get started. 🙂

Can you imagine if you had witnessed godly examples of femininity at home as you were growing up, in your church, at school and in your community? This is what God desires – for children to be immersed in godly examples of masculinity, femininity, marriage and family thousands and thousands of times as they grow up. Then, godliness will seem “normal.”

For those who did not have godly examples (and that includes all of us to one degree or another), there is a lot of work to do in dissecting out all of the ungodly examples we have experienced that programmed us to think that those things were “normal” so that we can consciously reject them and choose God’s ways. It is my prayer that our children will get to experience each of us living out a godly example for them by God’s power working full blast in us. 🙂

It is my prayer that even though recent generations dropped the ball and we as a culture, even in the church, have veered hundreds of miles off course – that God might cause OUR generation to rise up and become a holy generation that will leave a godly legacy for those who come behind us. We have the power and treasure of heaven at our disposal. May we spend our lives for Christ, demonstrating godly femininity to everyone around us for His greatest glory!

Jesus Christ has set us free! The world says that freedom is the right to do what we want. But the freedom we have in Christ is the power to do God’s will. We have the power to choose not to sin when His Spirit is flooding our souls.

  • The only power we lose when we obey God and fully submit to Him as Lord is the power to destroy our marriages, ourselves, our husbands and children and others.
  • We gain the power of heaven to breathe life, healing, blessing, joy, peace, faith, kindness and goodness into our families.


You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 



  • She is a helper to her husband. (Genesis 2:18)
  • She brings all of herself – her personality, her talents, her gifts, her intellect, her emotions, her ideas, her desires, her vulnerability to her marriage. She cleaves to her husband. (Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 31, Song of Songs)
  • She is authentic – but she is not her old sinful self anymore. Some wives say, “I want to be free to by myself in my marriage,” but what they mean is, they want to be free to be their sinful selves. That is always a destructive choice. A godly wife has the power and ability to be her new self in Christ. She lost the destructive power of her sinful nature because her sinful nature died with Christ and was buried and now she counts herself dead to sin and alive to God in Christ. (Romans 6-8)
  • She respects her husband genuinely and finds the good in him to appreciate (because of her character and the Spirit of God filling her soul – not because he always “deserves” it) and she honors her husband’s God-given leadership, allowing him to make the final call if there is a disagreement and trusting God to lead her through her husband even when she doesn’t understand and can’t see how it will work out “for good” from her current perspective. When he asks her for something, she makes it a priority to try to do what he has asked of her with a godly attitude. (Ephesians 5:22-23, 33, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:3-5, I Corinthians 11:3 – If a husband is asking his wife to clearly sin, please check out the post Spiritual Authority for more info.)
  • She does good to her husband all the days of her life, not evil. (Proverbs 31)


  • She is open and receptive to her husband. (Song of Solomon)
  • She studies to understand her particular husband, what speaks respect to him, his needs and the things that most bless him. (Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5:22-33, I Peter 3:1-6)
  • She assumes the best about her husband, not the worst. (I Corinthians 13:7)
  • She is loyal to her husband and doesn’t badmouth him to others. She never bashes him to their children, extended family, coworkers, church members, friends or on social media. (Ephesians 5:22, Proverbs 31, Ephesians 4:29-30)
  • She deals with any sin in her life before approaching her husband about sin in his life. (Matthew 7:1-5)


  • She is affectionate with her husband. (Titus 2:3-5)
  • Her presence, attitude and respect for God and her husband speak much more loudly to her husband about her faith than any words she could ever say. (I Peter 3:1-2)
  • She has a gentle, peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to fear that is of great worth in God’s sight. (I Peter 3:1-6)
  • She comes to her husband humbly, gently and respectfully with his sin privately first, and only if he won’t repent, does she involve a godly male mentor/pastor to help them if there are serious problems. She does not smear him to family and friends or ream him out on Facebook. (Matthew 18:15-17) (How to Confront Your Husband about His Sin)
  • She seeks godly, biblical help if there are very serious issues in her marriage, but she rejects ungodly and unscriptural counsel and seeks God and His Word and His Spirit above all else. (Matthew 18:15-17) She is prepared to separate from her husband and trust God, seeking His wisdom and wise, biblical counsel if her husband continues in severe unrepentant sin and she or her children are truly not safe. She prays for reconciliation if they must separate, and she focuses on her walk with Christ. (A Peaceful Separated Wife, A Peaceful Divorced Wife, The Bible and Divorce)


  • She depends on the wisdom and power of God to know how to respond to her husband’s sin and she is sensitive to God’s Spirit and responsive to what He leads her to do in a given situation. (Isaiah 30:21) (Portia’s Story)
  • If her husband is an unbeliever, she shows the power and love of God to him without words but by her respectful attitude and by honoring his leadership. (I Peter 3:1-2) ( Spiritual Authority, When I Shut Up, My Husband Heard God, My Husband Wants to Go Where?)
  • Her husband feels safe with her spiritually, emotionally, sexually, physically and in every way – and he knows he can always trust her. She is never violent toward him. She doesn’t yell, scream, cuss or make threats. She is not scary, intimidating or threatening. She does not bully him. (Proverbs 31:11)
  • She is her husband’s crown. (Proverbs 12:4)
  • She learns to speak her husband’s language and to become fluent in his way of relating and speaking and learns to interpret him accurately and to understand his heart with compassion. She seeks to see him with God’s eyes and love him with God’s love. She wants to treat God’s beloved son well. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)


  • Her focus is on Christ not self. She has no insecurity – because she trust in God not self or worldly things. Her security is based on heavenly realities and truths and the promises of God in His Word. (Romans 6-8)
  • She doesn’t have to argue – she has way more powerful methods of communication at her disposal than arguing, nagging, criticizing, complaining, condemning or humiliating her husband. She knows exactly how ineffective and destructive and sinful those things are and they do not even tempt her. She knows how to use her power and influence for good, how to share in a respectful way and how to submit to Christ and to her husband even if they lead her in a way she did not anticipate. (A Real Life Example of Biblical Submission)
  • She does not submit to her husband if he clearly asks her to sin. She submits first to Christ. (Please see Spiritual Authority for more detail in this.)
  • She doesn’t try to control or change her husband, but seeks to bless him. (Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5:22-33)
  • She builds her marriage and family up and does not use her words, attitudes and actions to hurt or harm anyone. (Proverbs 14:1)


  • She appreciates and values her husband’s headship, covering and protection over her. (I Corinthians 11:3)
  • She joyfully gives herself sexually to her husband whenever possible and seeks to meet his sexual needs (even if they are greater or less than her own biological desires at the time). (I Corinthians 7:1-5)
  • She honors her sacred marriage covenant and does not threaten to divorce or seek divorce. (Matthew 19, Malachi 2)
  • She trusts God’s Spirit to work in her husband’s heart to draw him to Himself and does not attempt to verbally drag her husband or force him to God, she knows her  words are not the most important or effective tool. (I Peter 3:1-2)
  • She values and appreciates her husband’s masculinity. She sees and admires the good things about her husband’s manhood and supports him being a man, she doesn’t try to make him be more feminine or think more like herself. She marvels at his strengths and protects his weaknesses. (Song of Songs, Proverbs 31)


  • She is comfortable in her own skin and feels beautiful even if she doesn’t meet the world’s current definition of beauty. (Song of Songs 1)
  • She enjoys being attractive for her husband in a healthy way. (Song of Songs and Proverbs 5:19)
  • She smiles often. She is a delight for her husband to be around.  Her beautiful attitude, contentment and joy in Christ draw him to her. She is not needy, clingy and desperate for his attention. (Philippians 4:4-8)
  • She is glad to talk with her husband about things that interest him. She loves to learn about his masculine world and perspective. She rejoices in his uniqueness and his masculinity and does not shame him for being different from her. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)
  • She is ready for adventure with God and with her husband (Exodus – a  picture of God leading His bride through the desert to the Promised Land)


  • She is willing to wear a hat/scarf as a tangible symbol of her willingness to honor her husband’s God-given leadership at church/during prayer. (I Corinthians 11:3-16)
  • She supports his leadership even when she doesn’t agree. She shares her heart, concerns and needs respectfully, then trusts God to lead her through her husband. (Spiritual Authority post at the top of my home page and Submitting under Protest, Biblical Submission, as well as Biblical Submission Does Not = the Husband is Always Right)
  • She brings her husband comfort. (Genesis 24:67)
  • She brings beauty to her home and to relationships. (Genesis 2, Song of Songs, Acts 9:36-39)
  • She desires to make her husband look good that he might receive honor from others. (Proverbs 31)
  • She doesn’t look down on her husband (or anyone) but humbly acknowledges that the ground is level at the foot of the cross. There is no room for her to boast or brag in anything except for Christ and what He has done for her. (James 2, 1 Peter 5:5, Proverbs 22:4, Philippians 2:1-11, Ephesians 2:8-10)
  • She is not abusive in any way – physically, sexually, verbally, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc… (1 John 4:20-21)


  • She values, cherishes and nurtures any babies or children that she has before and after birth. (Isaiah 49:15)
  • She seeks to train and teach her children to know and love God and His Word. (Deuteronomy 6)
  • She loves them with the very love of God. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)
  • She desires to be a godly example to them. (Deuteronomy 6, Titus 2:3-5, Malachi 2)
  • She does not put her children above her husband or above God. (Genesis 22, Matthew 10:37-39, Luke 14:25-34) (Respecting Our Husbands as Fathers)
  • She is affectionate (Titus 2:3-5)
  • She extends the truth, mercy, grace, love and forgiveness of Christ to her children. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)


  • She holds nothing back from Christ. She knows He gave ALL of Himself for her, and now she delights in giving ALL of herself for Him. There is nothing she wouldn’t do for Jesus. He is her LORD. He is her Master. She is willing to deny self and sacrifice anything in this world for Him. (Luke 14:25-34, Matthew 10:37-39, Genesis 22) (Dying to Self)
  • She hungers deeply for God, His Word, His presence, His Spirit, His will, His wisdom and His power in her life and the lives of those around her. She has a very healthy spiritual appetite. (Matthew 6:33, Matthew 5:6)
  • She does not merely read the Word, she listens, prays diligently to understand properly and applies it to her life – allowing  God to transform her priorities, her heart, her soul, her words, her desires, her behavior and her attitudes. (James 2)
  • She fills her mind, heart and mouth with the praises of God. (Exodus 15:2, almost the whole book of Psalm and many other places as well)
  • She desires “to live a life worthy of the calling (she has) received (and to) Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:1-2)


  • Her heart is soft, responsive and malleable in the hands of God, she does not have a hard heart against God and His Word or against others. (Ephesians 4:18, Hebrews 4:7)
  • She “(puts) off (her) old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of  (her) mind; and (puts) on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:22-24)
  • She is open, receptive and tender hearted toward God. (Hebrews 3:15)
  • She has a sense of wonder about all that God has made and has done and will do. She is in total awe of Him. (Mark 9:15, Acts 3:10, Luke 7:16)
  • She is submissive first to Christ (James 4:7) and she practices biblical submission by honoring her husband’s God-given leadership (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:5, I Corinthians 11:3-16) so that the Word of God is not maligned.


  • She leans on God’s wisdom, truth and understanding and does not trust her own human wisdom. (Proverbs 3:5)
  • She desires to live a holy life and to bring great glory to God. (I Peter 1:16)
  • When she sees sin in her life, she does not become depressed and withdrawn and paralyzed with worldly sorrow that leads to death, but has godly sorrow over her sin, mourning over her sin, rejecting her sin and turning to Christ in true repentance, longing to walk in obedience to Him in everything. (2 Corinthians 7:8-11, I John 1:9)
  • She is not overcome by fear, worry or anxiety, but has a Spirit of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)
  • She prays fervently and continually – in a spirit of godly power, not a spirit of worry, anxiety or fear. (I Thessalonians 5:17, Philippians 4:4-7, Romans 12:12, Romans 15:30)


  • She makes time daily whenever remotely possible to spend in deep prayer and study of God’s Word, asking Him to change her and make her more and more like Christ. (John 15)
  • She prays for her husband and others – not to tell God what to do or make demands – but to seek God’s will and His blessing for them and to seek God’s best for those she loves. She prays with godly motives, not selfish, greedy, condemning, self-righteous, prideful, malicious or vengeful motives – but with the love and power of Christ.  (1 Timothy 2:1-5, James 4:1-10)
  • She knows that she is more than a conqueror through Christ. (Romans 8:37)
  • She knows that nothing can separate her from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:35-39)
  • She savors and enjoys her blessings, her life and her Lord. In fact, she rejoices in Him always! (Philippians 4:4-8)
  • She is able to be at peace because she understands and trusts in the sovereignty, love and power of God to work all things for her good because she loves Him and is called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28-29)
  • She prays the promises of God into reality by her unwavering faith in Him and His Spirit working powerfully in her. (Daniel 9:4)


God will develop these qualities more and more in us as He sanctifies us and grows Christ more and more in our hearts, minds and souls. This is a life-long process. It is not about us trying harder to be “perfect.” On our own, we are a branch that has been cut off from the Vine and we are laying on the ground. We cannot do ANYTHING unless we are attached to Jesus – the Vine – and His nourishing truth and Spirit flood our souls. THEN we will be fruitful in His kingdom. We cannot be perfect until we reach heaven. That is ok. But our God is so strong that He is able to empower us and to give us victory in sin and the power to walk in holiness as we abide in Him. This is all about us being in an intimate relationship with Christ and allowing His power to flow full blast through us and transform us according to His will for His greatest glory!

John 15:1-17


– Esther

– Ruth

– Rahab (a former prostitute)

– Hannah, Samuel’s mother

– Deborah

– the Proverbs 31 wife

–  Sarah, Abraham’s wife – sometimes she is an example of godliness, and sometimes ungodliness

– Mary, the mother of Jesus

– Mary the sister of Martha and Lazarus

– Mary Magdalene after she came to Christ

– Priscilla, Aquilla’s wife

– Dorcas/Tabitha (whom Peter raised from the dead by Jesus’ power)


How is God working in your heart about the issue of godly femininity?

What is most striking to you?

How can we pray together for you?


Triggers for Sinful Thoughts


A few weeks ago, I conducted a survey to determine what some of our greatest triggers are as wives that get us thinking in a downward spiral of sinful thoughts.

Of those who answered, here are the results (please remember that ladies could vote for as many of these as are triggers for them):

  • Comparing your marriage to someone else’s marriage that you know – 135 votes
  • Reading about what godly husbands should do – 131 votes
  • Romantic movies/books – 100 votes
  • Reading other people’s Facebook pages and seeing their happy pictures – 94 votes
  • Marriage books/blogs that talk about what wives need – 93
  • Comments from other husbands that seem very loving toward their wives – i.e.: complimenting their wives’ beauty – 91
  • Love songs – 67
  • Other – 33

Over 744 of you read the survey, but not nearly as many answered – If you want to go back and answer, you are most welcome to! 🙂 The more answers, the more accuracy. 🙂

I would love you to stop right now and let’s pray together –

Precious Lord,

Please open our eyes to anything that You see in our lives that we are cherishing and holding on to that is sinful in Your sight. Show us our personal temptations and snares. Show us the ways that the enemy would like to entrap us and destroy our witness for You and our fruitfulness in Your kingdom. Expose his designs and plans. We confess and repent of every single sinful thought that offends Your holiness and we receive all that Christ Jesus has done for us on the cross. We receive Your Spirit. We long to be filled with Your power. Let us walk in righteousness and holiness for Your Name’s sake by the power of Your Spirit living in us. Cleanse us of our sin and show us what changes we may need to make to avoid temptation and what changes we may need to make to protect and guard our hearts and minds to prevent sin from taking root in our lives. We submit fully to You, holding nothing back. We trust You completely. Our faith is in Christ alone.

Let’s do a quick review of thoughts that God counts as sin:

  • lack of faith in God – complete unbelief is an unforgivable sin if we continue in our unbelief and die in this state as unbelievers (Hebrews 11:6, John 16:9). Thankfully, PRAISE GOD, if we repent of our sins and turn to Christ in faith, receiving His work on the cross for us and receiving Him as Savior and LORD of our lives, we can be forgiven for our past unbelief!  Weak faith is also something that can trigger doubts, worry, anxiety and fear, please see comment with scriptures referring to the different types of unbelief.
  • disobedience to God/His Word (John 14:22-24)
  • lack of wholehearted love for God, a divided heart/mind that longs for things other than God (Matthew 22:38-39)
  • idolatry/addictions – putting something/someone above God in our hearts, seeking our ultimate purpose in life through something/someone other than God, looking to that thing/person to bring ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment instead of God, building our lives on some priority other than Christ (Ezekiel 20:13, Exodus 20:4, I John 5:21)
  • irreverence toward God – lack of proper fear of God (Romans 3:18, Proverbs 1:7)
  • lack of respect for those in positions of God-given authority over us – including our husbands, the government, church leaders, managers at work, the police, etc… (I Cor 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-33,  Ephesians 6:1, Romans 13, Hebrews 13:17)
  • pride – “I know best.” “I have ultimate wisdom.” “I know better than God.” “I know better than my husband.” “I’m always right.” (Psalm 10:4,  Proverbs 16:18-19, Isaiah 14:12-15, I Corinthians 4:7)
  • self-righteousness – “I am so much better than my husband.” “I am so holy. I am much more holy than he/she is. God is really impressed with how good I am!” (Romans 3:10, Matthew 23, Luke 18:9-14)
  • hatred – which is murder in our hearts (I John 4:20, I John 2:9-11, Proverbs 10:12, Matthew 6:15, Matthew 5:44)
  • unforgiveness (Mark 11:25, Ephesians 4:26,27,32, Matthew 6:12-15, Colossians 3:12-13, Matthew 18:21-35)
  • gossip (Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 16:28, 6:16-10, 11:13, 20:19, Titus 3:2, Luke 6:31, James 4:11)
  • lying (Proverbs 19:9, Colossians 3:9-10, Psalm 101:7, Ephesians 4:25, John 8:44)
  • covetousness (Exodus 20:17, James 4:3, James 1:14-15, I Timothy 6:10, Mark 7:20-23)
  • resentment (Mark 11:25, I Corinthians 13:4-8, Luke 6:37, Matthew 6:12-13, I Peter 2:23)
  • bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32, Hebrews 12:14-15, Romans 12:17-21)
  • malice (Ephesians 4:31-32)
  • lust (Matthew 5:28, Galatians 5:16, I Corinthians 6:18, I Thessalonians 4:3-5, Colossians 3:5, I John 2:16, II Timothy 2:22, Romans 8:6, James 1:14-15, Galatians 6:8, Philippians 4:8)
  • apathy toward God or others (Revelations 3:2 and 16, Zephaniah 1:12-13, Romans 12:11, Romans 12:9-13)


These are some of the things our Lord HATES. These are the kinds of evil things that nailed Jesus to the cross. These are the things He paid for on our behalf with His own pure, holy, righteous blood. How I pray that we might come to hate all sin as much as God does! Once we are believers in Christ, God calls us to give up being slaves to sin and to be slaves to righteousness from this point forward. We are to be dead to sin. We were buried with Christ and our old sinful nature died with Him and was buried. Now, we have a new nature in Christ, a new Spirit (God’s Spirit) and we are to live in obedience to God by the power of His Spirit working in and through us.  We are new creatures in Christ! The old is gone, the new has come! (Romans 6)

God calls us to live holy lives. He calls us to take every thought captive for Christ and not to dwell on sinful thoughts.  (II Corinthians 10:5) The ONLY way we can have power and victory over sin is to live by faith in God, trusting fully in Him, submitting fully to Him and allowing His Spirit to flow through us. Avoiding a list of potential tempting situations – without God’s power in our lives  and without us fully trusting Him – is an exercise in futility.


Here is one secret, my precious sisters. We must discover the things that tempt us to begin thinking sinful thoughts and we need to guard our hearts around those things and avoid them whenever possible.

29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. Matthew 5

I think that what we can conclude, is that if something is causing and triggering sinful thoughts for us (here, Jesus had just talked about lust), then, we need to try to avoid or get rid of the trigger. It is a serious issue.

What causes temptation for me may not cause temptation for you. So, our triggers may be different. But the goal is the same, to live by the power of God’s Spirit, to fully submit to Him as LORD, to examine each thought that enters our mind and reject any ungodly, unholy, unscriptural, sinful thought and to focus our thoughts on the truth of God’s Word alone.


Many of you shared other things that trigger a cascade of sinful thoughts and temptation for you. I want to share some of these so that we will not be ignorant of the devil’s schemes.

  • husband bashing among other women
  • focusing on what I deserve, how I want to be treated, what my husband is not doing
  • remembering the past when my husband was more romantic than he is now (comparing my own husband to himself from the past)
  • seeing godly men worshipping and praising God
  • seeing a man who has strengths that my husband doesn’t have
  • being sinned against
  • Thinking thoughts like -“I MUST have this person/thing to be happy. I can’t live without it. If God takes X away, I won’t love Him anymore.” (Idolatry)
  • when someone else receives praise, accolades and recognition
  • when I receive praise, accolades and recognition
  • focusing on my unmet needs
  • focusing on my circumstances
  • seeing men with a job or who are financially responsible or who take time to spend with their families or who take their families on vacation when my husband doesn’t do those things at the time
  • wanting my husband to change
  • watching porn
  • watching or reading something sensual
  • sometimes even reading rated G Christian romantic books (can trigger discontentment)
  • daydreaming about “what would it be like to be with that other guy?”
  • reading that men really want sex from their wives (particularly when my husband doesn’t seem to want sex with me very often, or ever)
  • when my husband sins against me or comes across in a way that seems unloving to me
  • my husband spending time watching TV, watching sports, on his phone, with his friends, with his hobbies
  • PMS/hormones/pregnancy/peri-menopause/illness/exhaustion/low blood sugar/health problems/pain
  • self pity
  • seeing someone else’s husband spiritually lead, serve, pray or give
  • having a very godly male pastor/teacher can make us feel justified to submit to and respect them above our husbands in a way that is not appropriate – i.e. “Pastor Joe said we should give more money to the poor. So, I’m going to do what he said no matter what you think, Honey. After all, Jesus did command us to give to the poor.”
  • when my own husband begins to be more loving, or begins to change in Christ, or begins to pray with me and lead in a more godly way, I have to be really careful not to begin to put my hope, trust and faith in him instead of Christ or not to begin to put him above Christ in my heart
  • Getting what I want can reinforce my idols if I have any or can tempt me to turn good gifts from God into idols
  • hearing/reading another man’s fervent prayer – for many Christian wives, this is the highest level of intimacy we could experience with a man, to pray fervently together, this can be extremely attractive, even sexy
  • being persecuted for my faith in Christ and for seeking to do what pleases God
  • experiencing victory over a sin or trial and then focusing on what a great job I did (pride) or loosening the guard on my heart
  • fashion/hair/make up magazines
  • reality shows
  • celebrity gossip shows
  • focusing on what I want instead of what God wants
  • worry/anxiety/fear
  • facing the unknown
  • when my husband makes a decision I REALLY am not comfortable with
  • when I don’t feel safe in some way
  • lack of trust in God
  • thinking about how I HAVE to have something/someone to be happy or to be OK (that is not God)
  • misplaced priorities
  • unbiblical thinking
  • watching HGTV, commercials, home decorating magazines, Pinterest, social media, soap operas, seeing luxuries that other people have
  • worldly music/media/books
  • thinking about “what if my husband passed away” and how I would be able to live somewhere special or have imagined freedoms
  • focusing on the things that seem so attractive, mesmerizing, exciting, enticing about another man
  • when my husband gives attention/affection to my step-daughter
  • reading men-to-men Christian advice blogs/columns/articles
  • hearing sermons about husbands’ responsibilities in marriage
  • hearing sermons about how men should be godly fathers
  • being far from God – clinging to any sinful thoughts, not having time for Bible study and prayer, spiritual starvation
  • a general spirit of discontentment
  • lack of gratitude and thanksgiving and praise for God
  • attempting to compare another man’s strengths to our husband’s weaknesses and ignoring our husband’s strengths and the other man’s weaknesses
  • loneliness
  • when my husband talks with his ex wife
  • when my husband talks with other women
  • when another man gives me his full, undivided attention and makes tender eye contact
  • when another man prays with me or for me
  • pictures of myself (for women who are struggling with body image issues)
  • when I expect a person or something of this world to meet the deepest needs of my soul
  • disappointment
  • seeing a good looking man, or an immodestly dressed man
  • a man flirting with me/teasing me
  • confiding deep emotional/spiritual things to close male friends
  • a man hugging me or touching me in a sensual way
  • hearing a godly pastor preach or a godly Bible teacher teach or pray and developing an emotional/spiritual/physical fascination or attraction to him
  • insecurity, self-loathing (trying to find our self worth in something other than Christ, listening to the enemy’s lies and refusing to hear God’s truth about who we are in Jesus)
  • being treated by my husband in a way that reminds me of being abused/mistreated by my father/step-father as a child
  • seeing strong, godly leadership qualities in another man
  • focusing on the unbiblical ways my parents handled situations and feeling that what they did was “normal”
  • not being careful about guarding my heart, mind, chastity and marriage
  • not setting proper boundaries with other men, allowing myself to become emotionally/spiritually attached to another man
  • having a controlling mother or mother-in-law
  • when people are angry with me
  • being too busy
  • rushing
  • rehearsing someone’s sin against me over and over again from the past
  • hearing gossip
  • watching scary things on the news
  • spending a lot of time around unbelievers and allowing them to influence me
  • disagreeing with my husband
  • when my husband allows others to treat me with disrespect
  • strong emotions


You may be able to add to the list. I am sure it is not remotely exhaustive. I think this is a very important first step as we learn to take our thoughts captive. We must be able to discern the things that trigger us to begin thinking sinful thoughts. Then, we can pray and guard ourselves against them and seek God’s wisdom and His power to help us to face our temptations. We cannot always eliminate the temptations. A lot of these things are not things we can completely get rid of in our lives. But, we can be AWARE of these issues and how the enemy would like to use these situations in our lives. And we can begin to examine our thoughts immediately and reject sinful thoughts and consciously replace ungodly thoughts with truth from God’s Word. We can immediately reject the sinful ways of thinking and choose to thank God, focus on good things, focus on praising God, focus on repenting of our own sin, etc…

The sooner we nip those sinful thoughts by God’s power working in us, the less dominion and control sin will have over us. If we are not thinking sinful thoughts, we are not going to say sinful words or commit sinful actions. Our thoughts are where evil desires begin and then they take root and grow from there. (James 1:14-15)

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ… II Corinthians 10:3-5



%d bloggers like this: