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New Life Springs from a Painful Trial

 

“What if no matter what husband I married, I would be sinned against and that would reveal all this sin and filth in my own life? The kind of wife I am and the way I respond comes from my character and the fruit of my soul – whether my sinful nature is in control or God’s Spirit is in control.” (a quote from Peacefulwife from this post.)

FROM A WIFE:

This is so true. We take our baggage from one relationship to the next, one situation to the next, if we never stop to deposit it somewhere.

Jesus says, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV)

  • Jesus will take our baggage, our filth, and give us new life in exchange. How incredible is that? Our greatest barrier in accepting this amazing offer is our sinful fear, disbelief and trust in self.

I think each person comes to this realization of his/her need for Christ in his/her own way. Because of my pride in my intellect, it took a problem with no fair solution to realize I needed His help.

Despite the fact that my husband moved out and intends to divorce me as soon as he is able, I am thankful for what is coming out of the experience. When my husband unilaterally decided to nullify our plan to have a child, I faced a struggle that had no fair answer and I turned to God. I learned that every choice boils down to to options, do what is right (by God’s definition) or do wrong.

I learned that it is possible to face sacrificing your dearest dream in order to fulfill a promise made to God.

My marriage vows did not hinge upon our having children, therefore, I needed to give up my dream of more children (and not be resentful of my husband breaking his promise) to save our marriage. Through that sacrifice, I began to understand and appreciate the gift of Jesus and that ultimate sacrifice God the Father and God the Son gave to save us from eternal death and keep us for His glory.

Through this heart-wrenching experience, I came to accept Jesus as my Savior. I thought I was a Christian prior to this, but I saw that I had never completely surrendered. Very honestly, I am a different person from the wife I was when my husband left. I am calmer even in the midst of this tremendous storm I stand in (my husband abandoned us after we just moved to a new state after living overseas and my husband has sole control of our finances). My faith rests completely in God and acknowledgment of His sovereignty. The fruit of my renewed heart is sweetened by sacrifice and surrender.

Before all of this, I was ruled by fear. I could not rest in anything because I felt I had to constantly be “on patrol”. That sinful fear is not part of my nature anymore.

April, you talked about free will. It was hard at first to acknowledge that I have no control over my husband’s actions. None. I loved my husband deeply and was so hurt when he changed his mind without ever talking to me. I spent a year trying to be a perfect wife so he would keep his “baby promise” to me. My motives were wrong and I was unhappy because my efforts went unacknowledged.

I learned it takes TWO people committed to each other to make a marriage work and TWO people committed to God to make a marriage joyful. It takes only ONE person to deny commitment and break a marriage.

Though my marriage will likely end, I do not fear a joyless life. God’s hand is so evident in this whole situation…that buoys my spirit. In my renewed life, I am able to live “in the moment”–an ability that eluded me my whole life.

Wherever you are in your marriage, I encourage you to listen to what April says about needing to rectify your relationship with God. We are incapable of deep, lasting change without the power of His Grace.

This scripture has been so encouraging to me in these moments where I don’t know how to take another step:

Philippians 4:4-7 NIV

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

You know what is crazy? The start of this crisis was a mere two months ago. I feel like I’ve lived two decades in that time.

I remember being devastated in the days following the final “baby talk,” searching the web for an answer about my husband changing his mind about having a child. This website was the sole light offering hope for a marriage with this dilemma (everything else said to divorce and find a new husband). I am so glad I didn’t choose to heed that misguided advice. Maybe this divorce is inevitble, but acting on secular wisdom would have denied me the chance to grow into my role as a child of God. I would have continued to carry an impossible burden into my future.

Right now, my situation is so far from “normal” that I struggle with the reality of it daily. When I am overwhelmed, I lay my head down, imagining it on Jesus’ lap and I pray for His help and guidance. The pain, fear and anger come and go, but being anchored in God’s light gives me the ability to let the feelings pass without me being stirred to rash action.

Please, please use me to be an example of His grace in action! None of this is my doing outside of me choosing to be obedient. Use this evidence to glorify our Heavenly Father under whose authority I take comfort.

Let me add that in finding the Greatest Treasure, I also discovered my true worth. My self-worth was severely damaged by a rape many years ago. My then-fiance dumped me over the phone when I told him about it, which I realize now may have been more devastating than the rape. I began to believe I was worth less than others.

When my husband abandoned us, it felt like he was trying to dump us off the side of a road like unwanted kittens. That made me realize…wait! I am a child of God and in His eyes I am precious…this treatment is wrong and not an indication of my value. The lie that has haunted me my whole adult life was made powerless in that moment.

Even the mean-spirited actions of my husband have been used to God’s purpose. God is almighty, His power and ability are limitless!

April, I can never ever thank you enough for your obedience to God through your husband and taking on the enormous task of running this site!!! It is amazing to think of how many lives you’ve touched.

 

May God bless you and everyone today! ☺

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

Lord, I stand in total amazement and awe at what you are doing in my precious sister’s life. THANK YOU for bringing her to Yourself – even though it has been such a painful journey. THANK YOU for the faith she has in You and for the power working through her now. Lord, please provide for her needs. I pray for You to work in her husband’s heart.  I pray for every stronghold of sin and the enemy to be torn down by Your power, Jesus. I pray for this husband to hear Your voice and to listen and obey You. I pray for this wife to stand strong in the power of Your Spirit and to walk in obedience and in great faith in You. I pray for You to meet her every need and give her the wisdom she needs each moment. I pray for reconciliation and healing for this marriage. Most of all I pray for Your greatest glory.

Ladies (and gentlemen), please join with me in surrounding our new sister in prayer, love, support and encouragement.

An Abandoned Wife’s Journal

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This is from a wife who has faced many struggles in her marriage.  I don’t know what God’s plans are for anyone.  But I do know that He honors faith in Him.  I do know that He honors obedience to His Word.  And I do know that prayer is powerful and that when we pray together as a group, seeking God’s will and His glory – miracles can and will happen.  Thank you to this precious sister of mine who has allowed me to share her story. This wife is in an excruciatingly painful place.  And God is right there with her – working in her heart.  There are very raw, real emotions here.  This is how we wrestle with God and learn to repent of our sinful ways and turn to Him and begin to obey, trust and submit to Christ.

I would like to share with everyone the emotions, revelations, and repentance my heart has been through in the last few weeks. I started a journal not too long ago to help me as a source of “therapy” for my soul. The last time I saw my husband it was the last Sunday of January. The last time I heard his voice was Feb. 3. He has asked me not to call or text or FB message him at all. If you could be in prayer for my husband I would really appreciate it. I do not believe he is having an affair but at this point it would not surprise me. He is extremely far from the Lord. It is now also being brought to light in his dad’s eyes which is where he moved once he left me. (PS- my husband claims to be a Christian, went to a Christian school and graduated from the same Bible college as I did). Anyways, here is part of my journal.

2/18/13 (this was an entry I wrote to myself to reflect back on later)

This journey so far is full of roller coaster emotions. There are moments when the agonizing pain is unbearable. It feels as if my heart literally is going to shatter into a million pieces. There are days all I want to do is pick up the phone just to hear the sound of his voice. My thoughts are overwhelmed with “what if” and “if I could only”

But that is when I have to stop myself and remember God is in control. He knows every emotion. He is here with me every step of the way. God is good, or so I tell myself.

Is God really good though?

How can this be good?

How can this situation honor and glorify God?  

This seems as if it is the work of the devil. But, then I have to remember Jesus always has the last word. Though He was crucified on the cross and despised and rejected of men He was working… FOR ME! Thank you Lord for your grace. God showed mercy during the most horrific acts mankind could ever be placed under. This is how I know God is still good even in this situation.

This is NOT a work of the devil but of God. If this separation had never happened my eyes would have NEVER been opened to the magnitude of sin in my heart.

My prayer is that my husband and I can sit and work this out somehow. My love for him is more solidified now than it ever has been and I will FIGHT for this marriage. When I first stated these words I had no idea “fighting to keep my marriage” would involve such drastic change on MY part. I had no idea I would be dealing with the heart and sin issues that I am faced with. This revelation has not been an easy one to swallow and admit that I was doing wrong. It is a process that is still being opened unto me. But, I want to resolve these issues because I desire to

#1 PLEASE GOD!!!

#2 Change into being a Godly woman

#3 Be the RIGHT kind of wife God instructs me and desires me to be.

2/20/13

I really am unsure where to even begin… There are soo many apologies I would like to convey to my husband. This journey of realizing my wrong and my sinful behavior has been difficult to bear. For the most part I thought I was “okay” The truth of the matter is I was not okay.  My relationship with the Lord was suffering, therefore, causing my relationship with my husband (and others) to suffer.

The main issue that my mind keeps going back to is that I was being disrespectful. I did not honor _____  as my husband. I often trumped over him as the authority figure of this family and I was wrong. I have also come to realize I did this in many areas such as my words, tone of voice, and actions. I was constantly negative and lazy. I had a ‘queen’ mentality. I was wrong to think “I deserve this… or that….” Regardless of the lies my mind was feeding itself I was wrong for acting upon those thoughts. However, the Bible also warns that as a man thinks in his heart, so he will be.

It is my prayer that somehow he can forgive me for the ways in which I treated him and showed him disrespect. I have sinned against him and I am/was wrong. It is my desire that I begin showing him the respect and reverence that he deserves and needs.

2/22/13

Such simple words this means… “thank you.” I do not, nor have I ever, shown my husband an attitude of gratefulness. He has done so much for me and I never let him know how much those things meant to me. I am thankful for how he takes care of me financially (and how he still is). How he at one point had met my needs as a caring and loving husband. I need to thank him for everything he did for me no matter how small or big it may have been. He tried to support me and lead me. He protected me and cared for me. He wanted what was best for me. And I believe there still is a part of him that still wants that for me.

I am ashamed and sorrowful that I was unable to show this gratitude to him. I am sorry for my prideful and selfish reactions. I was slothful and full of high expectations. There are no right words to say to show the depth of remorse I have for how I have treated my husband and presented myself to him. My only prayer is that he can somehow forgive me for the ways in which I have sinned against him.

I tried to take control and control who he was as a person instead of being grateful for the person he already was and is. I was very deceived as to how a wife should be. I was filled with expectations which I now realize are premeditated resentment. With God’s help I am laying aside those expectations. I am choosing to please God and to meet HIS expectations or rather requirements for me as a person and as a wife.

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