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Blessing Your Husband

We talked recently about not smothering our husbands with demands and too much attention to the point that we are trying to force them to give us the attention we want.  So, now, lets talk about some ways to bless our husbands with our attention.  Of course, each husband will have his own personality and preferences.  Some of these things won’t minister to your particular man, and some will.  Here are some ideas. You are welcome to share your ideas, too!

But here is the key:

Do these things ONLY to bless your husband and to please Jesus.  DO NOT expect any certain reaction or response from your husband!!!!

  • Offer him his favorite drink when he gets home from work
  • Welcome him home with a big smile, hug and kiss
  • Let him talk about things he is interested in and be interested in learning more about what he is into – football, hunting, work, guys’ stuff
  • Sit with him as he watches tv or as he works in the garage or as he is fishing and just smile at him and enjoy being with him.  Let him decide when to talk and what to talk about during these times that you give to bless him.
  • Make his favorite meal sometimes
  • Graciously give him space and time to himself to recharge if he needs that
  • Wear something you know he likes to see you in – maybe something feminine and beautiful
  • Wear your hair the way he likes it sometimes
  • Listen when he is talking
  • Thank him for sharing his ideas and wisdom
  • Approach him in a feminine way when you need help (instead of telling him what to do with directives), “Honey, I have a problem…”  “I’m not sure what to do about…”  “Would you please help me with X, I just can’t seem to get it to work right.”  Remember to SMILE and use a pleasant tone of voice and facial expression!
  • Stop doing chores and go snuggle with him on the couch – if he is open to you touching him.
  • Be receptive to his advances.
  • Offer him a massage (if you know he won’t feel pressured)
  • Pick up a special treat for him at the grocery store – if you are within budget
  • Pray for him in private for God to bless him and give him wisdom to lead your family.  Pray for his career, his health, his relationship with Christ, his ministry, everything – in a humble way that is full of thanksgiving and appreciation for this man being in your life.
  • SMILE A LOT – for no reason other than to bless him, and, of course, to show the joy and peace of Christ in your heart!
  • Tell him when you are happy, thankful, joyful and appreciative
  • Thank him for the things he does for you and the family – every time he does something
  • Let him know you appreciate that he works to provide financially for the family (if he has a job)
  • Seek to respond in the power of God’s Spirit when he makes mistakes – so that you can respond with genuine grace, mercy and forgiveness.  (If there are serious issues, please seek godly counsel ASAP!)
  • Let him know you have faith in him (only do this if you can do it sincerely!)
  • Think Philippians 4:8 things about him – focus on the good, not the bad
  • Initiate sex once or twice a week if your husband would appreciate that
  • If your husband hates to be sexually pressured, back off and be gracious as you wait receptively for him. (If there are serious issues, please seek the appropriate help)
  • Say positive things about your husband to other people, including your children
  • Don’t criticize your husband or put him down to anyone.
  • Bring him a cup of coffee in bed in the morning if he likes coffee.
  • Support his parenting decisions – especially in front of the children!
  • Instead of making demands or giving directives – try giving suggestions and requests
  • Honor his God-given leadership (unless he is asking you to clearly sin – then you must respectfully refuse to do what he asks in order to obey God)
  • Do things that make you happy!  When you are well-rested and have done some things that bring you joy (exercise, spend time with God, have lunch with a friend, etc) you have more joy to share with your man!

The Respect Dare, Day 32 – Just the Facts, Please, Ma’am, Just the Facts.

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And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Hebrews 10:24

One of the things that Nina Roesner shares with women in The Respect Dare is for wives to “just be factual and not emotional during conversations with husbands” and not to jump to conclusions, but calmly ask questions before assuming motive or intentions.

A huge part of this is being full of God’s Spirit.  That requires a lot of time in God’s Word and in prayer and setting our sites to want to know Christ more than anything else.  Then we can be sensitive to His gentle voice and little nudges.  He begins to purify our motives and helps us to begin to filter first our words and then even out thoughts through His Word.

A ROUGH WEEK (This is a fictional example)

Imagine that you asked your husband to help out with the dishes after supper so that you could go nurse the baby.  You had the older 2 children settled and playing together with toy trains in the den near the kitchen while you went upstairs with the little one.  Your husband actually brings the older children upstairs to you after about 30 minutes and you thank him and help them get ready for bed quietly, hoping the baby will stay asleep.

It’s been a long week.  You end up falling into bed, exhausted from the respiratory virus you have and from the round-the-clock nursing you have been doing since the baby has been sick, too.  Your husband also gets in bed around the same time.  He has had a rough week at work and he has started with a stuffy nose and a cough, too.  You can hear that his asthma is beginning to flare up and you hope that he still has his inhalers around somewhere.

The next morning, you go downstairs and see the mess.  The dishes are still on the table with dried and crusted food all over them.

How do you respond?

1. Stomp right back upstairs, thinking about how you are going to let your man have it for not taking care of the dishes.  Then start yelling at him right then and there, waking him and all the children up, “How COULD you leave that MESS for me in the kitchen????!?!?!?  You know how exhausted I am!   You know I have been sick and the baby has been sick.  How dare you leave all of that for me as if I am your maid?   You don’t love me at all!”

2.  Burst out in tears, start throwing dirty plates into the dish washer, maybe even breaking one or two – then maintain an icy distance and silence all day with your husband – avoiding him whenever possible and glaring at him any time he looks your way, seething inside with resentment that he didn’t do what you had asked him to do.

3. Sigh and begin to cry from sheer exhaustion, but then remember that your husband got up during the night a few times, and that his cough didn’t sound very good, and decide that maybe you would ask him if he was ok and ask a few questions to find out what happened before making any assumptions about his motives or intentions with the dishes the night before.

ENDING #1

You find your husband sleeping in your bed and notice the bucket beside him on the floor – the one that he always uses when he throws up.  You put your hand on his forehead – he is burning up.  You happen to have a forehead scanning thermometer and you check his temperature.  103.04’F.  Yikes!

You creep back down the stairs and decide you will handle the dishes yourself.  You find the ibuprofen and acetaminophen and leave them on his nightstand with a glass of water, and get his inhaler for him.

You pray for healing for him and for yourself and the baby and for God’s strength to just get through the day and somehow love your family by God’s power.

Later that day, once he is on some medication and his fever is down to about 100’F and he is awake in bed, you ask him calmly and with genuine concern, “Sweetheart, what happened last night after supper?  I saw the dishes this morning, are you ok?”

He suddenly realizes that he didn’t finish the dishes and apologizes.  Then he talks about how he suddenly felt very nauseous last night after supper and got so dizzy that he was afraid he might pass out.  He got the food into the fridge, but then had to lie down on the couch for a bit.  He did mediate some disputes between the older two children and managed to get them upstairs.  He knew that you were sick, too, and didn’t want to worry you.  He meant to come back downstairs later and finish the dishes, but he started feeling really horrible and forgot.

You silently THANK GOD that you did not jump to conclusions about your husband and the dishes the night before and praise God for the work He is doing in your heart.  You totally understand why the dishes weren’t done and you have no problem forgiving him.  You are glad you can be there to take care of him when he is so miserable.  You pray that God might use you to bless your husband today.

ALTERNATIVE ENDINGS

It is possible that your husband wasn’t in these kinds of dire straits.

  • Maybe he just had a very stressful day at work and hadn’t slept well all week either and honestly forgot about the dishes.
  • Maybe your daughter asked him to dance with her to her favorite song and he pretended to dance with “Cinderella” and brought the children upstairs, got distracted and decided to rest a minute, thinking he would take care of them later.
  • Maybe the kids freaked out about a big roach on the ceiling, and he got busy taking care of that and solving some disputes between the children and remembered it was their bedtime and brought them upstairs and forgot.

The point is – there is probably a reasonable explanation that your husband was just distracted, tired, not feeling well or forgot.  Most likely, he was not purposely being unloving at all.  If given a chance, he will probably apologize on his own if you are able to allow him some time to explain himself.

PERSPECTIVE

Sometimes, remembering the grace my husband has given me in the past is helpful.

Maybe my husband didn’t rake me over the coals when I:

  • was so sleep-deprived that I put the milk in the cabinet instead of the fridge.
  • absent-mindedly lost my wallet and he and the kids had to go with me to the DMV at 4:30pm one afternoon in a torrential thunderstorm so that I would have a driver’s license for work the next morning.   (He found it 7 months later in our kitchen pantry.  Behind some soft drinks.  I have no idea how that happened!)
  • remembered to pack our children’s lunches for school and totally forgot to pack his until it was time for him to walk out the door – and too late for me to get his lunch together.

 

Yes, these are true stories of things I have done for which my husband extended grace to me!  He didn’t complain at all.  He just dealt with the inconvenience and carried on, doing what he had to do, being his normal friendly self.

EMOTIONS:

You CAN express your emotions – but keep in mind that when you are responding to a situation where it could be easy to jump to conclusions, or if you are communicating something important to your husband that you really want him to hear – he will be better able to hear you with fewer words and less emotion.

And when you do share your emotions, if you can share them in a non-blaming, fairly calm way – that allows your husband to hear your heart much more accurately.  That’s why I like Laura Doyle’s method (The Surrendered Wife) of speaking our desires and feelings very simply.  Less words and less emotions actually get our message across many times much more effectively with men:

  • “I want X”
  • “I don’t want Y.”
  • “I feel sad.”  “I feel afraid.”  “I feel nervous.”  “I feel upset.”  “I feel lonely.”

ie: “I feel lonely. Would you please hold me for a  few minutes?”  or “I feel lonely.  I’d love/I want to cuddle for a few minutes, please”  work MUCH better than, “You never spend any time with me!  You obviously don’t love me at all!”

And, remember to share your positive emotions, too! Your emotions are VERY POWERFUL to your husband.  Using them in a constructive way will help you bond and become even closer.   I like to share all of my emotions with my husband – that helps him know me better and understand my heart more.

  • “I’m so happy being here with you!”
  • “I feel very safe with you.”
  • “I’m so glad we got to do X!”
  • “I really appreciate all you have done for me.”
  • “Thank you!!!!!!!!!”
  • “I’m so full of joy!”

RESPECT DARE 32:

Take a moment today and consider how God has changed you in the past 32 days.  What is different?

  • your motives?
  • your goals?
  • your understanding of yourself?
  • your understanding of your husband?
  • your understanding of God?
  • your ability to give grace, mercy and forgiveness?
  • your desire to let go of every sin?
  • your desire to see and tear out any idols – anything that is more important to you than knowing, loving and honoring Christ?

Pray for God to help you want to live completely for Him and for His honor and glory.  Pray for Him to purify your heart and life and remove anything that offends Him – even ungodly motives.  Ask God to help you desire intimacy with Him more than anything.

How can you stick with the facts and ask your husband questions calmly and unemotionally instead of assuming the worst the next time you feel disappointed in your husband?  How might God want you to extend grace?

SHARE:

What have you been learning from God lately?

Can you think of a time that you would like to share when you used calm, unemotional questions and were able to find out the truth and the facts about the situation before jumping to erroneous or unfair conclusions?

What has God been changing in your heart the past month or so?

RELATED

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A Husband Answers my Questions about Emotions

Why the “Rapid Fire” Method of Talking May Not Work Well

Why Pressuring Your Man to Talk  NOW May Not Be  a Good Idea

Sending Emails to Your Husband

The Painful Email Issue

How to Make Your Husband an Idol

The Respect Dare, Day 32 – Just the Facts, Please, Ma'am, Just the Facts.

316936_9954

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Hebrews 10:24

One of the things that Nina Roesner shares with women in The Respect Dare is for wives to “just be factual and not emotional during conversations with husbands” and not to jump to conclusions, but calmly ask questions before assuming motive or intentions.

A huge part of this is being full of God’s Spirit.  That requires a lot of time in God’s Word and in prayer and setting our sites to want to know Christ more than anything else.  Then we can be sensitive to His gentle voice and little nudges.  He begins to purify our motives and helps us to begin to filter first our words and then even out thoughts through His Word.

A ROUGH WEEK (This is a fictional example)

Imagine that you asked your husband to help out with the dishes after supper so that you could go nurse the baby.  You had the older 2 children settled and playing together with toy trains in the den near the kitchen while you went upstairs with the little one.  Your husband actually brings the older children upstairs to you after about 30 minutes and you thank him and help them get ready for bed quietly, hoping the baby will stay asleep.

It’s been a long week.  You end up falling into bed, exhausted from the respiratory virus you have and from the round-the-clock nursing you have been doing since the baby has been sick, too.  Your husband also gets in bed around the same time.  He has had a rough week at work and he has started with a stuffy nose and a cough, too.  You can hear that his asthma is beginning to flare up and you hope that he still has his inhalers around somewhere.

The next morning, you go downstairs and see the mess.  The dishes are still on the table with dried and crusted food all over them.

How do you respond?

1. Stomp right back upstairs, thinking about how you are going to let your man have it for not taking care of the dishes.  Then start yelling at him right then and there, waking him and all the children up, “How COULD you leave that MESS for me in the kitchen????!?!?!?  You know how exhausted I am!   You know I have been sick and the baby has been sick.  How dare you leave all of that for me as if I am your maid?   You don’t love me at all!”

2.  Burst out in tears, start throwing dirty plates into the dish washer, maybe even breaking one or two – then maintain an icy distance and silence all day with your husband – avoiding him whenever possible and glaring at him any time he looks your way, seething inside with resentment that he didn’t do what you had asked him to do.

3. Sigh and begin to cry from sheer exhaustion, but then remember that your husband got up during the night a few times, and that his cough didn’t sound very good, and decide that maybe you would ask him if he was ok and ask a few questions to find out what happened before making any assumptions about his motives or intentions with the dishes the night before.

ENDING #1

You find your husband sleeping in your bed and notice the bucket beside him on the floor – the one that he always uses when he throws up.  You put your hand on his forehead – he is burning up.  You happen to have a forehead scanning thermometer and you check his temperature.  103.04’F.  Yikes!

You creep back down the stairs and decide you will handle the dishes yourself.  You find the ibuprofen and acetaminophen and leave them on his nightstand with a glass of water, and get his inhaler for him.

You pray for healing for him and for yourself and the baby and for God’s strength to just get through the day and somehow love your family by God’s power.

Later that day, once he is on some medication and his fever is down to about 100’F and he is awake in bed, you ask him calmly and with genuine concern, “Sweetheart, what happened last night after supper?  I saw the dishes this morning, are you ok?”

He suddenly realizes that he didn’t finish the dishes and apologizes.  Then he talks about how he suddenly felt very nauseous last night after supper and got so dizzy that he was afraid he might pass out.  He got the food into the fridge, but then had to lie down on the couch for a bit.  He did mediate some disputes between the older two children and managed to get them upstairs.  He knew that you were sick, too, and didn’t want to worry you.  He meant to come back downstairs later and finish the dishes, but he started feeling really horrible and forgot.

You silently THANK GOD that you did not jump to conclusions about your husband and the dishes the night before and praise God for the work He is doing in your heart.  You totally understand why the dishes weren’t done and you have no problem forgiving him.  You are glad you can be there to take care of him when he is so miserable.  You pray that God might use you to bless your husband today.

ALTERNATIVE ENDINGS

It is possible that your husband wasn’t in these kinds of dire straits.

  • Maybe he just had a very stressful day at work and hadn’t slept well all week either and honestly forgot about the dishes.
  • Maybe your daughter asked him to dance with her to her favorite song and he pretended to dance with “Cinderella” and brought the children upstairs, got distracted and decided to rest a minute, thinking he would take care of them later.
  • Maybe the kids freaked out about a big roach on the ceiling, and he got busy taking care of that and solving some disputes between the children and remembered it was their bedtime and brought them upstairs and forgot.

The point is – there is probably a reasonable explanation that your husband was just distracted, tired, not feeling well or forgot.  Most likely, he was not purposely being unloving at all.  If given a chance, he will probably apologize on his own if you are able to allow him some time to explain himself.

PERSPECTIVE

Sometimes, remembering the grace my husband has given me in the past is helpful.

Maybe my husband didn’t rake me over the coals when I:

  • was so sleep-deprived that I put the milk in the cabinet instead of the fridge.
  • absent-mindedly lost my wallet and he and the kids had to go with me to the DMV at 4:30pm one afternoon in a torrential thunderstorm so that I would have a driver’s license for work the next morning.   (He found it 7 months later in our kitchen pantry.  Behind some soft drinks.  I have no idea how that happened!)
  • remembered to pack our children’s lunches for school and totally forgot to pack his until it was time for him to walk out the door – and too late for me to get his lunch together.

 

Yes, these are true stories of things I have done for which my husband extended grace to me!  He didn’t complain at all.  He just dealt with the inconvenience and carried on, doing what he had to do, being his normal friendly self.

EMOTIONS:

You CAN express your emotions – but keep in mind that when you are responding to a situation where it could be easy to jump to conclusions, or if you are communicating something important to your husband that you really want him to hear – he will be better able to hear you with fewer words and less emotion.

And when you do share your emotions, if you can share them in a non-blaming, fairly calm way – that allows your husband to hear your heart much more accurately.  That’s why I like Laura Doyle’s method (The Surrendered Wife) of speaking our desires and feelings very simply.  Less words and less emotions actually get our message across many times much more effectively with men:

  • “I want X”
  • “I don’t want Y.”
  • “I feel sad.”  “I feel afraid.”  “I feel nervous.”  “I feel upset.”  “I feel lonely.”

ie: “I feel lonely. Would you please hold me for a  few minutes?”  or “I feel lonely.  I’d love/I want to cuddle for a few minutes, please”  work MUCH better than, “You never spend any time with me!  You obviously don’t love me at all!”

And, remember to share your positive emotions, too! Your emotions are VERY POWERFUL to your husband.  Using them in a constructive way will help you bond and become even closer.   I like to share all of my emotions with my husband – that helps him know me better and understand my heart more.

  • “I’m so happy being here with you!”
  • “I feel very safe with you.”
  • “I’m so glad we got to do X!”
  • “I really appreciate all you have done for me.”
  • “Thank you!!!!!!!!!”
  • “I’m so full of joy!”

RESPECT DARE 32:

Take a moment today and consider how God has changed you in the past 32 days.  What is different?

  • your motives?
  • your goals?
  • your understanding of yourself?
  • your understanding of your husband?
  • your understanding of God?
  • your ability to give grace, mercy and forgiveness?
  • your desire to let go of every sin?
  • your desire to see and tear out any idols – anything that is more important to you than knowing, loving and honoring Christ?

Pray for God to help you want to live completely for Him and for His honor and glory.  Pray for Him to purify your heart and life and remove anything that offends Him – even ungodly motives.  Ask God to help you desire intimacy with Him more than anything.

How can you stick with the facts and ask your husband questions calmly and unemotionally instead of assuming the worst the next time you feel disappointed in your husband?  How might God want you to extend grace?

SHARE:

What have you been learning from God lately?

Can you think of a time that you would like to share when you used calm, unemotional questions and were able to find out the truth and the facts about the situation before jumping to erroneous or unfair conclusions?

What has God been changing in your heart the past month or so?

RELATED

Men and Emotions

A Husband Answers my Questions about Emotions

Why the “Rapid Fire” Method of Talking May Not Work Well

Why Pressuring Your Man to Talk  NOW May Not Be  a Good Idea

Sending Emails to Your Husband

The Painful Email Issue

How to Make Your Husband an Idol

The Respect Dare, Day 17 – Life-Giving Words

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Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  Proverbs 16:24

We all need genuine affirmation and words of encouragement.

Nina Roesner shares a beautiful story in today’s dare about a wife who was going to The Daughters of Sarah classes that Nina Roesner leads.  This wife was thinking about not going that night because she felt like she hadn’t changed much in the five weeks since she had been in the class. She saw so much failure in herself.  Her husband encouraged her to go and very sweetly pointed out a LOT of ways that he had seen that she had changed already.

Wow.  That was a huge boost for this precious wife!

Don’t we all long for that kind of blessing from our husbands?  That they might notice all that we are doing to seek to be godly wives and praise and affirm our efforts?

  • Nina suggests asking your husband how you are doing as a wife.

I personally did not talk with my husband about what I was doing for many months.  He knew what books I was reading.  He saw me changing.  But I didn’t discuss it, I just prayed and prayed and studied and asked God to change me.

Keep in mind that it may take months before husbands notice the changes you are making – and some changes you make, he may not notice himself – but they are still important if you are seeking to align yourself with God’s Word and become a godly woman and wife God’s way. 🙂

A WORD OF CAUTION

I have walked with hundreds of wives through this process in the past year and a half or so – and, of course, I have been on this road myself.  Nina has walked with THOUSANDS of wives and has been on this journey much longer than I have – so I greatly respect everything she has to say.

But I know I personally messed up in this area = A LOT.  So I want to be sure you are very careful here if you ask for your husband’s evaluation of how you are doing so far.

When I had just read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs – I started sending my husband LONG 2000-3000 word emails every day about all the things I admired and respected about him.  Then I would get REALLY, REALLY upset – to the point of being in tears – and feel unloved – when he didn’t send me an email back.

If you send a text/email/note about what you respect about your man, but you are in tears when he comes home and angry at him because he didn’t send you anything in return – the words of respect pretty much lose any significance.  Trust me!

  • Almost all of us want our husbands to notice every little change we make and make a big deal out of what an awesome job we are doing.
  • We want them to praise all of our efforts.
  • We want to know that we are getting an A on our “wife report card” now

Allowing God to completely renovate our souls and regenerate our hearts and minds, dying to self, being a living sacrifice for Jesus – that is all VERY tough work.  It is painful.  This is a life long process of sanctification that God desires every believer to go through to make us more mature and to refine our faith and character. It requires a lot of sacrifices to obey God.   Well… let me rephrase.  It seems like we must sacrifice everything at first when we begin to really commit to living for Christ as Lord.  But, the amazing thing is, we give Him all that we are, totally submitted to Him – and then He gives us all of Himself.  So, eventually, I realized that it was no sacrifice to give up the trash that I had in exchange for the riches of heaven.

But it is VERY, VERY tempting to want our husbands to give us a lot of praise and recognition for all the hard stuff we are doing to learn to be better wives.

In fact, it can be really hard not to say something like, “Honey, did you notice that I didn’t criticize you or say anything hateful to you ALL DAY TODAY??!?!?!?!?  Aren’t I the BEST WIFE EVER?????”

Or – “I wanted to say something super sarcastic just now, but I didn’t!!!!!  Aren’t you so proud of me?!?!!?!”

The thing is – not all husbands are going to be able to give us the verbal affirmation we desire.   And many husbands won’t praise the absence of negativity.  That is kind of the “minimum requirement” of respect (as Laura Doyle says in the Surrendered Wife- read in light of God’s Word, please, this book is not necessarily from a Christian viewpoint).  Doyle says –  “If you always used to run late for work, and suddenly, you begin to come to work on time – would your boss praise you for being on time every day?  No.  That is one of the minimum requirements of the job.”

WHY WON’T MY HUSBAND AFFIRM ME?

  • Some husbands are too wounded and still shut down.
  • Some husbands are afraid to trust that this change could be real, and they are going to wait MANY weeks, maybe months to believe that this new wife they are seeing could actually be reality.
  • Some husbands get more angry when we apologize for our disrespect and begin seeking to be respectful.  They FINALLY feel like they can say what they have been thinking and bottling up for years, many times.  All of that anger was there before, but we didn’t hear it.  They had lost hope.  Seeing anger in your husband when you begin to learn respect is often a normal reaction.
  • Some husbands are spiritually dead.  It is unreasonable to expect a corpse to sit up and give you a pat on the back.  If your husband is an unbeliever, or is very far from God and essentially “spiritually in a coma” – expecting him to meet your emotional/spiritual needs is very unrealistic.  By God’s power, you can focus on meeting his needs and you can take your needs to God.  But it may be necessary to drop expectations of praise if your man is far from God.
  • Some husbands get really excited and there is a honeymoon period – but then when they realize their wives keep messing up and aren’t perfect at respect right away – they get more critical.  That can be really tough for wives to deal with.

To me – it can actually be a blessing when our husbands do NOT give us accolades of praise as we are learning to be godly wives.  Why?  Because it forces us to examine our motives and to only do this to please God not to feel like we can control our men!

You can ask your husband how he thinks you are doing – but let me say – PLEASE DO NOT expect him to say awesome things.  If he does not praise you the way you think you should be praised – please accept whatever his response is graciously and allow God to work in his heart.  Just keep focusing on your accountability to please Jesus.

If your husband is a very godly man, he may be able to give you real affirmation and praise because he may understand how difficult this journey is.  But other husbands are not going to realize just how deeply disrespect and control go in a woman’s soul – to the very core of her understanding of herself and of God, and of her ability to accept God’s sovereignty.  Most husbands think we should just be able to “flip a switch” and suddenly be respectful all the time.  Not so!

This is a LONG process.  It involves the deepest core parts of our soul being radically changed.

MY SUGGESTION:

Do this with the sole motivation of pleasing, honoring, loving, respecting and obeying Christ.

If you don’t get the results you want in your husband, and you are disappointed – take that disappointment and use it as a signal to tell you to keep your eyes on pleasing Christ alone.  That is what I try to do whenever I sense disappointment welling up.

If you need affirmation and encouragement – look for it in a godly mentor wife you can trust, leave me a comment and I will give you affirmation and encouragement, and many other wives probably will, as well.

One day, when your husband is strong and healthy spiritually and emotionally – he will probably praise you.  But you can be content, even if he doesn’t.  Because you are NOT learning to respect him and honor his leadership to change him.  You are doing it to receive the praises of God when you stand before Him one day.

This is really all about you and Jesus.

Jesus counts the way you treat your husband and other people as if you are doing whatever it is you do to Him and for Him.

How scary is that!?!?!

Look past your husband’s shoulder – and see Jesus behind him.

Your marriage is really a test.  It is a place where you can learn to love like Jesus does.  It is a place where you learn to live by faith in Christ and where  you learn to respect and reverence Him.

Your level of respect and willingness to honor your husband’s God-given leadership have almost NOTHING to do with what your husband does or does not do – and it has almost EVERYTHING to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

  • Your husband doesn’t make you disrespect him.
  • He cannot make you respect him.  He can make it easier or harder!  But ultimately – this is about you.
  • You are responsible for your emotions, your thoughts, your attitude, your behavior, your obedience to Christ and your sin.
  • His behavior and sin against you just reveals what is already in your heart – whether the sinful nature is in control or God’s Spirit is in control. (Galatians 5:19-22)
  • You would act the same way towards any man you were married to – because that is what is in you.

The way you treat your husband is a tangible indicator of the level of submission and respect you have for Jesus!

THE DARE

Let’s give words of life and affirmation to our husbands!

Write down some good things your husband often does for you and your family and your home.  THANK HIM in writing today with 5 brief notes about 5 of his strengths.  ie:

  • going to work everyday = strong work ethic.
  • still being there with you = “commitment”
  • spending time with the children = being an involved dad
  • being careful with money and the budget = responsibility
  • talking with the children about character, behavior, etc = being a spiritual leader

Give him one note today (it can be a text/email if necessary) and one each day for the 4 days after today.

Men usually like BRIEF messages.

DO NOT EXPECT HIM TO SAY OR DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.

Just think of this as you are “watering his soul” and blessing him without any strings attached.

SHARE

Let me know how you are doing!  What are some things you admire about  your husband?  How do you plan to build him up today?

LUKE 6

41 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42 How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

A Tree and Its Fruit

43 “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44 Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

The Wise and Foolish Builders

46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? 47 As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like.48 They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

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