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"My Husband Referred Me Here – That Jerk!"

This is a story I hear pretty frequently – so often that I can’t count how many times it has happened. Some wives are open to suggestions from their husbands, and others… well, not so much.

A situation like this puts me in a very awkward position – smack dab in the middle of marital tension between a husband and wife. Not a fun place to be. I understand why a wife might feel criticized and upset if her husband sends a link to my blog. I also understand why she might not be interested in anything I have to say, at first. But…

How I pray each wife might stick around long enough to really begin to allow God to speak to her soul. The things I share here really aren’t about your husband as much as they are about your walk with Christ Jesus.

YOUR HUSBAND MAY BE A SELFISH, UNGODLY, EVIL MAN

That is possible. I know that there are a few truly abusive* men who try to twist my words – and God’s Word – and force their wives into slavery (rather than allowing their wives to voluntarily choose biblical submission out of reverence for Christ). That upsets me more than I can possibly say.

God gives us all free will. None of us has the right to override another adult’s free will. God doesn’t override our ability to choose to obey Him or not. It is certainly not any human’s place to try to force someone into obeying God or to act like a slave. The commands God gives husbands and wives are individual commands to each spouse. They are not commands for husbands to enforce a wife’s obedience to God or for wives to enforce a husband’s obedience to God (Eph. 5:22-33, I Peter 3:1-7, Titus 2:3-5).

Even if your husband is the most awful man on earth, perhaps God might desire to use some of the posts here to bless you – especially about your walk with Christ.

No matter what kind of man your husband is, God calls you – my precious sister – to be a holy, godly, Spirit-filled Christ-following woman. And no matter what kind of wife you are, God calls your husband to be a holy, godly, Spirit-filled, Christ-following man. We will each answer to Him individually for how we treated our spouses when this life is over.

God measures how we treat other people as if that is how we treat Him (Matt. 25:40). The way I treat my husband is about my character and my relationship to Christ (the same is true for how husbands treat their wives). It really isn’t about my husband at all. It is about whether God’s Spirit is in control of my life, or my sinful flesh is in control (Galatians 5)

That doesn’t mean you have to take abuse. And maybe not all of my posts about marriage will be helpful if you have serious issues* in your marriage because of my slant (I was a controlling wife with a passive husband). God’s Word applies to us all and He can make something beautiful out of your life as seek to trust and obey Him wholeheartedly (Romans 8:28-29)- even if separation may be necessary, at least for a time.

COULD THERE BE A POSSIBILITY THAT MAYBE YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT REALLY A JERK?

Maybe he has some legitimate concerns or ideas to share with you that might bless you and your marriage? I have communicated with a large number of husbands here who see the healing that is possible for women, men, marriages, and families who truly do love their wives and want what is best for them and long to share this information out of good intentions and loving hearts. A lot of them are very hesitant to share what they read here with their wives because they are afraid their wives won’t receive this information well from them. These husbands are in a bit of a lose/lose situation.

1. Don’t share God’s Word and truth with their wives and continue to get the same results and no healing in their marriages.

2. Do share God’s design and risk offending their wives.

Perhaps he is attempting to hand you a treasure from God and open a door to healing for you, for himself, for your marriage, and your children. Could it be possible that God prompted your husband to send you here because God wants you to be here? Maybe God is leading you here through your husband. God desires to set you free from bondage to fear, worry, anxiety, and pain as you fully submit all that you have and all that you are to Him. Christ intends to bring great peace, joy, and contentment into your life – perhaps through this very site as He has done for hundreds of other women around the world.

Greg never confronted me about my sin for the first 14.5 years of our marriage. How I wish he had!! We both could have been spared so much pain and and experienced great blessings if I had seen my issues and repented sooner. He was able to see my blind spots that I could not see. Husbands and wives need loving, respectful rebukes from each other at times about our sin. A godly rebuke can be LIFE-GIVING! (Even if it is painful at first.)

I hope you won’t allow the fact that your husband referred you here to cause you to reject the priceless and precious gifts God has in store for you. Maybe one day, you will thank him.

I pray that each of you might hear God’s voice clearly, find spiritual healing through Jesus, be filled with the Holy Spirit, discover God’s design for you as a woman, and walk in obedience to Him.

When you are right with God and His Spirit is in charge instead of self, He can give you the power to be the woman, wife, and mother He calls you to be. He can enable you to be the woman you have always desired to be. He can give you victory over your fears, over worry, over discouragement, over discontentment, over depression, and over sin!!!

SHARE:

If your husband shared my blog with you – I’d love to hear your story – whether it is positive or negative. I’d like to learn how I can most bless all wives.

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(*I actually don’t write for women in abusive situations because some of them tend to have filters that cause them to misinterpret and misunderstand what I write in dangerous ways. Wives whose husbands are abusive, involved in unrepentant infidelity, suffering from uncontrolled mental illness, or who are actively involved in drug/alcohol addictions are probably going to need very specialized one-on-one, godly, experienced counsel. I never condone abuse!! My posts about marriage are not geared toward these severe issues. The posts about our relationship with Christ may be helpful for women in these situations, but my posts about marriage issues may not be from the right slant for women with major problems in their marriages. Some things to remember about God’s design where the husband loves and leads selflessly and the wife honors and respect her husband – husbands are never the ultimate authority. Husbands are not always right. God does not condone abuse of authority or sin against anyone. There are times when separation can be very necessary.)

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RELATED:

“Your Blog Made Me SO Angry!”

Why Do I Have to Change First?

Submission (to Christ as Lord) Means We Hold the Things of This World Loosely

Responding to Our Husbands’ Constructive Criticisms – VIDEO

Confronting Our Husbands’ about Their Sin

Husbands Are Never the Absolute Authority

A Call to Prayer – for Our Husbands

My Husband Doesn’t Deserve My Respect – VIDEO

Signs Your Husband May Be Feeling Disrespected and Unloved

Spiritual Authority – God’s Design in families, the church, and government to protect, provide for, and care for His people

Husbands Share What Is Disrespectful to Them

What Is Respect in Marriage?

Respecting Our Husbands as Fathers

Why Don’t I Address Women with Abusive Husbands?

Do I Condone Marital Rape or Abuse?

 

RESOURCES ABOUT HOW HUSBANDS CAN HAVE GODLY LEADERSHIP and HOW WIVES CAN BE GODLY WIVES:

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood – edited by Wayne Grudem and John Piper FREE DOWNLOAD!

Love and Respect – by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

For Women Only – by Shunti Feldhahn

For Men Only – by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhah

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