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“My Husband Doesn’t Spend Enough Time with Me”

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Almost every wife experiences this at some point or another. Your man is busy with other things and you really want to connect with him. Sometimes he may not have a choice about how busy he is due to work, a crisis, an illness, or another emergency. Other times, he may spend a lot of time hunting, fishing, spending time with friends, renovating the house, watching TV, playing guitar, running, playing sports, or playing video games.

It’s easy as a wife to feel upset in such a scenario. Really upset. Ignored. Unimportant. And unloved.

For many wives, we value verbally and emotionally connecting with them and spending significant time together each day. That desire to be with our husbands is a good thing.

We feel secure and loved when we feel like we have priority in their schedules.

The desire, itself, is not the problem. How we deal with this desire is what is important.

The Temptation

It’s easy to listen to the smooth voice of the enemy when we feel like our husbands aren’t spending enough time with us and to begin to make negative assumptions and accusations like:

  • He doesn’t love me! If he loved me, he would make time for me.
  • He’s a jerk!
  • He should want to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with him or he is wrong.
  • Our marriage is doomed.
  • I should probably just leave if I am such a low priority to him.

When we feel unloved, we will be tempted to react in the flesh.

“We are most tempted to sin when we are sinned against,” (Gary Thomas says, in “Sacred Marriage”). And I would add to that, even if we simply feel sinned against or assume we are being sinned against, we are more tempted to sin, even if we are not actually being sinned against. Sometimes, it can be difficult, at first, to discern this important difference.

There are a lot of things that could be going on when we feel unloved:

  • Our husbands may simply have a different love language. They really are showing love in their own ways, and we aren’t feeling or receiving it.
  • Our husbands may have different personalities and different needs/desires for alone time/recharging/hobbies than we do. For example, introverts tend to need a lot more time to themselves to recharge than extroverts. It doesn’t mean that the introvert hates his/her spouse when he/she needs some time alone. Introverts can love their spouses deeply but still need some time to pull away alone. Honestly, we all need some time alone to spend with God and to get our bearings.
  • Our flesh may be weak at the moment, which makes everything seem much worse – Our hormones are going crazy, we are sick, we are exhausted, or overwhelmed. Sometimes our emotions can mislead us and are not always trustworthy.
  • We may simply have a misunderstanding because we assume our husbands should think/feel/react just like we do and/or act like women. They may actually love us and there may not even be a real problem. It may just be that we have different perspectives, paradigms, ways of connecting, and expectations.
  • We could be sinning in some way. We may be idolizing our own happiness. It is possible that we could be sinning in some way with our motives, with our thoughts, we could be believing lies about God, our husbands, or ourselvesWe may be idolizing our husbands. We may be codependent, expecting our husbands to be responsible for our spiritual and emotional wellbeing that are really our responsibility.
  • Our husbands may feel disrespected by us and have an unloving knee-jerk reaction to what we did to them. Or we might both feel hurt by each other in some way.
  • Our husbands may be unable to spend more time with us because of obligations they have. If they have no choice about having to be at work a lot, being deployed, being sick, being injured, or having to do a lot of work on the house that must be done, they may be trying to take good care of us and the family.
  • Our husbands may be stressed and may need a bit of time to recoup.
  • Our husbands may be depressed or overwhelmed about something.
  • Our husbands may truly have wrong priorities. They may be abdicating their responsibilities as husbands. Maybe they really have a TV or video game addiction. Or maybe they really are being selfish.

Let’s be sober and aware of the enemy’s schemes here, sisters!

Acting in the Flesh Leads to Long-Term Damage

If we allow our sinful natures to take over, we will approach our men in destructive ways that sabotage the very intimacy we crave with our husbands. And – when we make negative assumptions and embrace unfounded accusations – we are very possibly believing lies, not truth. We are opening the door to the enemy to gain a foothold and create division and strife where there may not even truly be a problem. That is tragic!

Every wise woman builds her house,
but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.

Prov. 14:1

Yes, it may be tempting to act in the flesh in anger, to lose my temper, to cry, to scream, and to give full vent to an ocean of negative emotions. It is tempting to let my thoughts and fears run wild and to get rid of any filter on my mouth. But even if the worst case scenario was true about my husband, me acting without any self-control is only going to make things worse, not better.

I may think, “If he could just know how much it hurts me that he isn’t spending time with me, he would change his mind and spend hours with me being loving, romantic, and sweet to me, pampering me and showering me with attention, affection, and conversation. The louder I am, the more upset I am, the more I cry, the more I scream, the more I insult him, the quicker he will rush to apologize and make everything up to me.”

“He needs to know how upset I am!”

But does he really need to know this?

Does he really need to see me have an unholy tantrum? Does he really need to see me at my absolute worst? I may think, “Well, I need the freedom to be myself with my husband.” But what I am really saying if I say this is, “I want the freedom to be my old sinful self. I want the freedom to destroy my husband and marriage.”

Let’s stop a minute and seek God’s wisdom.

God calls me (and all believers) to crucify my old sinful self and to put on my new self in Christ. He calls me to act in the power of the Holy Spirit and to pour His Life and healing into my relationships. He gives me freedom from sin and freedom to walk in His holiness, divine love, and godly strength. He gives me the freedom to bless and build up my husband and marriage.

What do I want long term?

  1. To tear my husband down and to repel him?
  2. To inspire him to want to spend more time with me and build him up?

These are two very different goals which would require two completely opposite approaches.

There is a high price to pay for indulging in my sinful flesh.

If freak out, react in fear, try to control him, scream, argue, act like a prosecuting attorney, rant and rage for a long time, insult him, hate him in my heart, stomp around the house, slam doors, make demands, and/or pitch a fit, what messages am I sending to my husband?

Here are some things he might think:

  • She is not emotionally stable.
  • Wow, she has no control over her emotions and temper.
  • She’s scary.
  • How am I going to feel safe around her or trust her now?
  • The last thing I want to do is reward her right now by doing what she wants after she just treated me so badly.
  • I feel attacked.
  • Why would I want to spend more time with someone who treats me like this?
  • I feel completely overwhelmed by her negative emotions, like I am drowning and need to get to land ASAP.
  • This doesn’t feel like love.
  • The corner of the roof is looking more and more appealing.
    • Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife. Prov. 21:9
    • A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. Prov. 27:15-16

It’s not worth it.

A few minutes of allowing the flesh to spew unchecked can cost weeks or months in my relationship. Rebuilding trust after something like this takes a long time. A husband will back away for his own emotional/spiritual safety if I act like this.

A Better Way

When we find ourselves seething with resentment, unfounded accusations, bitterness, and negative assumptions, that is not a good time to talk to our husbands.

Yes, our emotions are screaming that we should RIGHT NOW! But God’s Spirit will prompt us gently to go pray and spend some time with God before we make a mistake we will regret.

Connect to the Right Power Source

Emotions are important, but they are simply indicators on our dashboard. They let us know something may be wrong. But they are not THE source of absolute truth. We need to pay attention to our emotions and examine what is behind them. But we don’t want to be slaves to our emotions. They are not always accurate.

God’s Word and His Spirit are always dependable.

It can be so helpful to journal our feelings and lay out our issues before the Lord. He can help us identify temptations and wrong thinking. He can give us wisdom we need to approach our husbands in productive ways. He wants us to tap into His Spirit for our power source and not try to be godly wives in our own strength.

Depending on the Holy Spirit

If we are believers in Christ, we have the Holy Spirit. He is the only One who can completely meet the deepest spiritual and emotional needs of our hearts.

He can even give us the ability to respond with patience, gentleness, kindness, and self-control even when our husbands truly are wrong. And God can give us His wisdom and perspective to realize what is true when we feel unloved, but our husbands really do love us. He can talk us down off of the cliff so we don’t drop a nuclear bomb in our marriage and destroy it when all we had to do was respectfully share our desires.

No matter what our husbands do or don’t do, we can respond in the wisdom and power of the Spirit of God, if we are yielded to Him.

Our husbands are much more likely to respond favorably to us if we respond in the power of the Holy Spirit – with self-control, gentleness, kindness, and respect.

I also like to change up Philippians 4:12-13 a bit for this situation: 

The original:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Phil. 4:12-13

My version:

I know what it is to not feel I have enough of my husband’s attention, and I know what it is to have a lot of his attention. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether I feel loved in the moment or not, whether I am getting what I want from my husband or not. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

Some things that draw my husband to me:

  • My peace and joy in Christ.
  • My genuine smile and pleasant, friendly tone of voice.
  • My consistent ability to be a safe place for him emotionally.
  • My asking for what I desire respectfully.
    • Lots of times, that is all we need to do. It really is that simple.
    • “Hey, Honey, I’d love to spend some time together sometime today.”
    • I will often see much better results if I focus on asking for what I would like in a positive way, rather than getting upset about what I don’t like.
  • My understanding and patience when he truly is in a situation where he can’t be with me as much as I would like.
  • My willingness to encourage him to do some things he enjoys sometimes, even if it is without me, as long as it is not sin. We all need some time to ourselves, time to work on hobbies, time to develop our talents, or time to connect with other friends. Different people have different needs for recharging by themselves.
  • Sharing my feelings in a humble, direct, vulnerable way calmly and without blaming him.
  • My spiritual maturity to respond with poise, self-control, dignity, self-respect, and respect for him, even if I don’t get what I want every time.

Or, we may be able to join our husbands in what they are doing and bond that way:

  • Sit with him quietly while he is working on a project around the house, smile sometimes, get him some drinks/snacks.
  • Cuddle with him in a friendly way and read a book while he watches TV or plays video games.
  • If he is open to it – go hunting with him, watch a TV show with him, ask him to teach you to play his favorite video game so you can play, too.

 

NOTE – Please keep in mind that if you have been reacting in the flesh rather than in the Spirit for a long time (months or years), your husband is going to probably need quite a bit of time to feel safe with you emotionally again. He will need to see over many months that this new approach is permanent and it is not just another manipulation attempt. Try to be patient with him even if you feel he is not very supportive as you change. Most husbands will feel a bit gun-shy and skeptical for a time until they really become convinced that these beautiful new changes are real.

Here is my YouTube video on this topic.

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How have you learned to handle times when you want more of your husband’s time and attention in productive ways? We’d love to hear the wisdom God has given you.

Is God speaking to you about this subject? We’d love to hear your thoughts and insights.

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What Topics Are on Your Heart This Year?

Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash

Ladies,

What are some topics you’d like to see me cover in the coming year? I’d love to hear your suggestions and thoughts.

Some areas we have covered in the past:

 

You may have some other general topics on your mind that we haven’t covered. Or maybe you’d like us to revisit an older topic with a new spin? Let me know what you would like to see us discuss in the comments! And also, if you have a story you’d like to share as a possible post about how the Lord has worked in your life and/or marriage, I’d love to hear about that, as well. You can either share this in the comments or on my Contact page.

 

Much love to each of you!

April

Last Day for Early Bird Pricing for the Online Women’s Conference That Starts Tomorrow!

We all want to make 2019 our best year, ever. There is an amazing women’s conference, with topics of interest for ALL women, that starts tomorrow – January 4th and goes through January 9th, 2019.

Get lifetime access to over 90 expert speakers’ videos and over 170 video sessions!

The first day of the conference, there will be about 25 videos just about marriage. Each day has a unique topic:

  • marriage
  • parenting
  • finances
  • home-making/home organization
  • meal-planning
  • goal-setting
  • Christian faith
  • self-care
  • health/fitness
  • simplification/minimalism
  • family life

Today is the LAST DAY FOR EARLY BIRD PRICING! 

Early bird pricing is $15. Once the conference starts on January 4th, pricing is $20 per ticket.

Check out over 90 expert speakers and over 170 videos on a wide range of topics of interest to all women.

Each day will have a theme.

January 4th, there will be over 25 videos available about marriage. Including an exclusive video of mine, called, “Becoming a Peaceful Wife.”

With your ticket, you also get access to about $800 worth of online discounts and freebies! Like…

  • free booklets with prayers for your children
  • free “cheat sheets” with ways to teach your children about biblical financial principles
  • free booklets with scriptures to pray when you are worried and overwhelmed
  • free decluttering your home planners
  • free downloadable devotionals
  • free printable scripture wall art
  • free guide on preparing your teen for college
  • 75% discounts on a time management course
  • a deeply discounted price on one of my Kindle books (more details if you sign up)!

It only takes a minute, or less, to register for the conference.

A New Year, Your Best Year: 2019 Conference for Moms

Let me know if you have any questions.

 

Here is a helpful list of all of the marriage videos that will be offered for the conference January 4th:

Living out your Faith in your Marriage and Parenting by Bridget Childress: Daily we have the chance to impact those in our lives with our faith. In this workshop we will cover ways to keep our spiritual cups filled with practical applications for our marriage and our motherhood journey.

Five Ways to Avoid An Argument by Cheryl Carter: In this session participants will learn five ways to avoid an argument by enhancing their communication skills with their spouse. Come and learn how to express your deepest thoughts to your partner and have a meaningful dialogue. Even those who have been married for a long time will enjoy this practical session.

Bridging the Money and Marriage Gap by Danielle Tate: Are you trying to figure out how to keep your family on track financially but struggling to get your spouse on board? Maybe they are uninterested, passive, or just plain don’t care, but it could be more than that. Learn strategies for stress-free money conversations with your spouse plus ways they can get involved without overwhelming them.

Romance for the Exhausted by Hal & Melanie Young: How do you find time for romance when you have kids? And work? And everything else? The littles get up at the crack of dawn and the older kids won’t go to sleep at a decent hour. Even if you had time, how can you find the energy? Don’t let the busy-ness of this stage of life turn the two of you into co-workers and roommates instead of best friends and lovers. In this session, Hal and Melanie, parents of eight, will share ideas that will help you find romance in the midst of the exhaustion!

Your Marriage and Your Kids by Hal & Melanie Young: Does your marriage affect your kids? You bet. It affects them profoundly. It impacts their security, their identity, and their sense of worth. Beyond that, our marriage toolkit will be the one our kids reach for in their own marriages. Come get some new tools for your box and learn five ways to tune up your marriage to make it even better for you and your children.

Marriage Secrets From 40 Years by Kathie Morrissey: Marriage is God’s design, but the devil is out to destroy marriages, so we have to be purposeful and intentional about working on our marriage. Learn secrets to make your marriage not only last through the years, but also thrive.

Laughing Again in Your Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse When It Feels Like You’re Speaking Different Languages by Micah Klug: When was the last time you really laughed with your husband? (I’m talking belly aching laughing)! With so much stress and pressure trying to balance your work, kids, the house (just to name a few things), the last thing you want to do is put your relationship with your husband on the back burner. Micah wants to share with you the same method she and her husband use to communicate together to eliminate misunderstandings, avoid arguments and contention, and really laugh together (and sometimes at each other) so you can rekindle your marriage and prioritize the relationship you have with your husband.

How to Help Your Spouse When You Have No Idea What to Do by Michelle Huddleston: Do I speak, or should I remain silent? Surely I can fix my husband, right? I expect him to… and the list goes on. If you find yourself in a spot where your spouse needs help but you have no idea what to do, Michelle wants to share four proven ways to keep your helping from hurting.

Marriage Goals: The Why and How by Mike & Carlie Kercheval:  Don’t let another day go by without setting goals for your marriage. In our workshop we will show you: why goal setting should be at the top of your priority list as a married couple, what goals you should be setting, how to get started, and how to stay motivated when you don’t meet your goals.

Meaningful Talk – How True Connection Can Transform Your Communication in Less Than a Second by Keith Dorscht: Every marriage and family experiences communication problems. There is a scientific solution that begins working in less than a second. As a psychotherapist Keith Dorscht has successfully used this technique 1000’s of times to re-open, repair and strengthen lines of communication. When this approach is practiced the brain is able to travel through a three-step process that ultimately ends in compassionate responses and interactions.

Becoming a Peaceful Wife by April Cassidy: April thought her husband was the one causing all the problems for over fourteen years of marriage. If only he would change like she wanted him to, everything would be great! Was she ever shocked to discover that there were things on her end of the relationship she needed to work on, too. In this workshop, April will share a bit of her story with you and some easy, practical tips she’s learned that you can begin to apply today to strengthen your own marriage. Once you begin to learn this new “language,” you may be amazed at how much more peace you both have.

Early Bird Registration Is Going On Now for Next Week’s Online Women’s Conference!

I am so excited to officially share with you A New Year, Your Best Year: 2019 Conference for Moms!

This conference has tons of wonderful sessions for ALL women – singles, marrieds, and moms!

Join us as 95+ expert speakers (including two exclusive sessions done by myself!) present over 175 practical and encouraging workshops to help you make 2019 your best year ever! Thousands of women “attended” online last year, and this year is going to be even bigger!

The engaging and dynamic workshops will encourage and equip you in the following areas of your life:

  • marriage
  • parenting/motherhood
  • goal setting
  • planning/time management
  • health/fitness
  • finances/budgeting
  • household organization
  • homemaking
  • meal planning/prep
  • faith
  • simplification/minimalism
  • family life
  • self-care
  • and more!

There will be about 25 videos sessions released each day from January 4th through the 9th.

This unique conference is 100% ONLINE {yay for no travel costs or logistics to deal with}. This means you can watch and learn from your home {or anywhere that you have internet access}, in your pajamas, at a time that is suitable for you! Attendees also receive LIFETIME access to ALL conference workshops! This means that you don’t have to feel stressed or pressured to watch as many workshops as you can right now! Watch what you want, when you want, and know that your workshop videos will never expire!

 

Did I mention that we have EXPERT speakers?! If you are looking for encouragement or practical ideas to help you achieve your goals in 2019, then look no further than A New Year, Your Best Year: 2019 Conference for Moms. Our speaker line-up includes nationally {and internationally} known speakers who have made television appearances {Rachel Martin was on the Today show!}, written numerous books, spoken at conferences across the world, encouraged millions of women on their blogs/social media platforms, taught courses, and more!

Check out this list of amazing workshop titles and descriptions.

As if all of that isn’t great enough, all conference attendees receive a digital swag bag valued at over $800 which is stuffed full of tools to help you make 2019 as wonderful as you hope it will be! Swag bag goodies include:

  • planners
  • budgeting forms/ financial planners
  • meal planners
  • health/fitness trackers
  • courses
  • eBooks
  • exclusive discounts on dozens of products
  • and more!

Conference attendees also receive automatic access to an exclusive online conference community group where you will have direct access to the speakers, fun and fellowship with attendees, receive amazing door prizes, and the chances to win prizes valued at THOUSANDS of dollars!

Sounds amazing, right?! This conference totally sounds like exactly what you need to make 2019 different than all of your previous years!

The conference officially kicks off on 1/4/19, but early bird registration {and the lowest price!} is happening right now! You can purchase your conference registration TODAY through 1/3/19 for only $15!! That price point is crazy low so it will be affordable for ALL women! If 2019 is the year that you will get your life in order, sign up for A New Year, Your Best Year: 2019 Conference for Moms today before the price goes up!

Sign up is super fast. I was able to do it in about 30 seconds.

Click here to learn more and register now!

 

How the sign up process works:
1. Visit the website and purchase a conference pass.
2. After the sale processes, a thank you page appears letting attendees know that the conference officially kicks off on 1/4/19 and that you will receive an email that day with access information.
3. On 1/4/19, attendees will receive an email with a link to access the conference along with instructions on accessing the swag bag and conference community group.

 

(Affiliate link)

Join Me for a HUGE Online Conference for Women – Jan 4th-9th!

I’m doing something new and exciting this coming January 4th-9th, and I would love to invite you to join me.

I am taking part in my first online women’s conference!

It’s called…

A New Year, Your Best Year: 2019 Conference for Moms

I love this because you can watch the sessions you are interested in at your own pace from the comfort of your home (or your phone) when you have time. Almost none of us have time to spend a weekend or a week away from our families, responsibilities, and jobs to go to an amazing, uplifting women’s conference. What could be better for busy women today than a conference that caters to our schedules and one where we can attend from home?

This conference is for women in every life circumstance, not just moms.

There will be over 175 different video sessions available to those who purchase tickets with over 90 expert speakers.

  • Early bird tickets are $15
  • Regular tickets are $20

Those who buy tickets will have lifetime access to these exclusive videos on a variety of topics:

  • Goals: 14 sessions from various speakers
  • Faith: 24
  • Marriage: 11
  • Organization/Homemaking: 10
  • Health/Fitness: 11
  • Simplification/Minimalism: 4
  • Planning/Time Management: 19
  • Finances: 10
  • Parenting/Motherhood: 36
  • Self-Care: 20
  • Meal Planning/Prep: 7
  • Family Life: 11

Some topics are Christian faith-based, others are not.

I will have two exclusive video sessions during the conference:

  • Becoming a Peaceful Wife
  • 5 Keys to Real Peace with God

You can watch the videos as they are scheduled online the week of January 4th-9th and interact with the various speakers in real time. Or you can watch the videos later and enjoy them as you have time.

AND…

There is a digital “swag bag” for each attendee valued at $800!!

Here is the link to the link to sign up where you can find out more info about the classes and speakers. Snag the Early Bird price by registering before January 4th!

(affiliate link uses cookies)

Early Bird registration begins December 26th and runs through January 3rd!

 

Hope to see ya there! <3

 

 

Taking a Break

Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash

Ladies,

I just want to touch base with you and let you know that I am planning to take a break from online ministry for the next 3-4 weeks. I want to be able to focus on the Lord and on learning all He has for me to learn personally during this time of grief. I also want to focus on my husband and our children as they are processing a lot of very tough things and I want to be there to support them and pray for them as much as I can.

Our kids have more questions than ever about spiritual things. They are both believers – but I know God wants to help them go much deeper during this time. And they have really important questions with which all of us, at some time or another, must wrestle. This is a very good and necessary thing! It is in the most painful times that we are most open to spiritual growth.

I am excited about what God is doing in us all and what He will do through these trials. I don’t want to miss out on any blessing He wants to share with us in this time of trial and grief.

We will be celebrating Christmas without my Grandma and without Greg’s parents for the first time. That will be very, very different for all of us. And then both children have birthdays soon after Christmas. I want to be fully present and able to enjoy all of the wonderful blessings we DO have even though there will be sadness this year, too. And I want us to be able to hash through and express our grief in healthy ways.

We also have a lot of practical things to attend to regarding Greg’s mom’s estate, as well. I want to support and honor Greg and be the wife he needs right now in this incredibly difficult season.

I thank you all for your prayers, love, and support. You are amazing!

May the Lord help us all to slow down and to really focus on what is most important in His eyes in these last few weeks of 2018 and into 2019. May we align ourselves with His heart and His priorities. May we be ready to grow and to be receptive to all of the refining and pruning God has for us so that we can grow stronger in our faith and shine more brightly for Jesus. May He continue to bring about a Great Awakening in His people all around the world and may He bring a huge harvest into His kingdom in these last days!

Much love and Merry Christmas!

Another Death in Our Family

The picture is of Greg’s mom and dad with our son 16 years ago this month.

I wanted to let y’all know that our 16 year old son found Greg’s mom, Ann Cassidy (my mother-in-law), in her bed yesterday afternoon after school. He texted me to ask if Grandma was supposed to pick up his younger sister since I was at work. He said she seemed to be asleep. I asked him to see if she was breathing and to try to wake her up. He couldn’t wake her up and realized that it looked like she had been gone for hours. Greg was on his way back into town from a business trip but wasn’t to his office yet.

Our son was by himself with his Grandma for quite awhile. He called 911 and followed their directions really well. He has never had to face a situation like this before. Then he was there with a lot of police officers and investigators as they declared the house a possible crime scene and began asking him a lot of questions. Thankfully, I was able to leave work fairly quickly to go be with him and to help answer questions for the investigators.

Mom Cassidy had not been sick. She had been doing pretty well health-wise. This came as a complete shock. Greg’s dad passed away very suddenly August 4th of this year. I’m extremely grateful we have been able to help take care of her over the past few months – helping with yard work and shopping and things as her mobility was a bit limited. There are so many blessings! So many things to thank God for.

How thankful we are that she did not seem to suffer. And that she is now in heaven with Jesus and with her husband – whom she missed terribly these past 4 months.

I just read Job last week. And like him, I will continue to praise and thank God in the midst of the storm.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
    may the name of the Lord be praised. Job 1:21

We will be grieving in the coming days and weeks and months. Especially after the initial shock wears off. And yet, we do not grieve as those who have no hope! We are not sad for Ann Cassidy. We know exactly where she is and that she is rejoicing with the greatest possible joy right now. I am beyond grateful that she was ready to meet her Savior face-to-face and that she had a very strong faith in the Lord.

I know our family will rally together. I know we will love each other and come together in unity. I know we will support each other and be there for each other. I know what an incredible outpouring of prayers, love, encouragement, and support the Body of Christ will provide and what a blessing that will be.

I know that we are going to be okay. But for the next week or two, I don’t know how available I will be able to be on my ministry sites. I appreciate your patience and understanding.

I am already thanking and praising God for the blessings that will come from even this shocking experience. I know His timing is perfect. I’m so glad that He is sovereign. And I look forward to see how He will help us all grow more than ever in our faith and love for Him and our love for each other as a family. I pray that He might be greatly glorified even in the midst of another surprising (to us) death in our family.

 

Thank you all for your love, encouragement, and prayers. It means so much! I love y’all dearly.

 

 

Our Area Was Spared in Hurricane Florence

A pic of our back yard this morning – very peaceful!

Just wanted to send out an update – the entire central area of South Carolina was spared from what we were expecting to happen with Florence. We expected to experience tropical storm force winds over 50 miles per hour and 6-12+ inches of rain. We thought there would be significant flooding, many trees down, and major power outages that were widespread. But the storm all but dissipated before it got to us, all we received was mostly a gentle-moderate rainfall for several days. There were some issues with power and trees down and some damage. But nothing like what we had anticipated.

I am thankful to the Lord that we were spared so much destruction.

And I am extremely glad we have so many first responders who were ready to help and so many linemen and power company trucks from all over this half of the country who were staged and ready to help. What a huge blessing!

My heart is aching over hundreds of thousands of people in North Carolina and closer to the coast in South Carolina, as well as in the Philippines, Hawaii, Taiwan, and China who are suffering terribly from very strong storms, flooding, landslides, and destruction.

God is allowing His gospel to be shared in people’s testimonies because of the storm. I’m so grateful!

Thank you for praying with me for those impacted by these, and many other, recent disasters. Thank you for praying for me and our family. God hears the prayers of His people! I believe He will use these disasters to usher in new Great Awakenings and to draw many into the Kingdom.

May the Lord help us see how He might desire each of us to give tangible assistance to those in need and to share the Gospel of Christ. Perhaps some of us, who are able, might be able to donate to Samaritan’s Purse, our local church efforts, or other Christian organizations to help with so many facing natural disasters.

You are welcome to let me know how you and your family are doing in the comments.

 

Much love!

April

 

 

A Tribute to My Amazing Father-in-Law

Greg and his dad on our wedding day May 28, 1994. He officiated our ceremony and wrote our vows.

Last Saturday was like any other Saturday for our family. I went to work in the pharmacy for a few hours. Greg, our 11 year old daughter, and Dad Cassidy went to the two flea markets in town. They do that every Saturday, no matter what the weather.

They picked up lunch at KFC and ate at home with Greg’s mom. Everything was totally normal. He seemed happy as ever. He has had some health issues in recent years, but had them under perfect control. He had not been sick or complaining of any problems.

Forty minutes or so after Greg got home, his mom called and said, “Dad’s sick. Y’all need to come.” I got in my van right away and drove to their house, which is just around the block from us. Greg followed me a minute later.

Dad Cassidy had told her he felt nauseous. She had asked about calling 911, but he thought he would be okay, that it was just indigestion.

When I got there, he wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t find a pulse. I got a neighbor and he and Greg got his dad to the floor so I could start CPR until the paramedics arrived. Seven first responders worked feverishly on him for over 45 minutes but – he was gone. Just like that – in the blink of an eye – he “stepped out into eternity.” (He often used that phrase in his gospel presentations as he encouraged people to be prepared because we never know what moment may be our last.)

It was his appointed time for him to go home to see his beloved Savior, Jesus Christ, face-to-face on August 4, 2018 around 1:45pm.

His funeral is Tuesday, August 7, at 3:00pm.

Granddaddy Cassidy holding our son in 2002.

It’s been quite a shock to all of us that he is gone so suddenly. We are sad. We miss him already so much! But how we rejoice because we know where he is – singing and praising the Lord in heaven with so many other believers in Christ who have gone on before that he loved. We can’t possibly be sad for him. But whew! This part is hard.

We are confident that the Lord will sustain us and we will also seek to help each other through this time of grief. Things are going to be very different for all of us who are left behind. Especially for Greg’s mom, but also for Greg, and for our children.

Greg was extremely close to his dad and so were our kids. Greg’s parents have always watched our children when I work in the pharmacy one day per week. And most Friday nights, they like to sleep over at their Cassidy grandparents’ house.

Dad Cassidy has been a pastor for over 54 years and he and Mom Cassidy would have had their 55th wedding anniversary later this month. They had such a strong relationship. How thankful we all are for them both!

We were not prepared for him to leave us that day. But he got to spend his last day doing things he loved with people he loved. He didn’t miss one Sunday in the pulpit and was active up until his very last moments. That is definitely the way he would have wanted things. We are so thankful he didn’t suffer very long.

Granddaddy Cassidy baptized both of our children.

Dad Cassidy bought a used Bible for $1 a few hours before he passed and told Greg about his plan for his sermon the next day. He highlighted Daniel 12:2-3 as his text:

Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and everlasting contempt. Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.

He also happened to buy 6 boxes of Kleenex. They were a great deal. Three for $1. His family will be putting these tissues to use in the coming weeks as we grieve, as we reminisce, and as we celebrate the life of this man we all loved so dearly. And we will also meditate on the passage that he planned to use in his lesson the next day that he never got to teach. What a fitting passage.

Dr. Pete Cassidy touched thousands and thousands of lives with the gospel and the love of Jesus. He spent countless hours visiting anyone who was sick in his church, helping to take care of maintenance issues at church and at the homes of widows. He was extremely generous toward everyone. He was faithful to the Word of God. He was faithful to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ. He was faithful to his wife and family. And he was a faithful shepherd of every church he pastored.

He always made sure to speak to everyone in the room and had an uncanny ability to remember people’s names and all kinds of information about them – and retain that information for years. He seemed rather baffled that none of us could do quite as well with that. He had a photographic memory and could read a whole book in a few hours and remember everything. Dad Cassidy was active in our neighborhood association and in many city committees. He simply loved the Lord, loved his family, loved his church, and loved his community. Loving people by humbly serving them was his favorite thing to do.

One of the things we all will remember most is his joy. Dad Cassidy was a man who smiled a lot. He loved to tell jokes and stories. He had the most beautiful whistle and was often whistling or singing gospel songs and hymns as he walked or as he worked on projects around the house or at church. He enjoyed life and lived it to the fullest. His was truly a life well-lived.

Please pray for our family and for his current church family as they grieve, as well, and as they search for a new pastor. Pray most of all that the Lord will be greatly glorified in Dad Cassidy’s death and in our family as we seek to shine for Jesus in this time of trial. We long to see many come to know Jesus as their Savior and Lord even through Dad Cassidy’s death. There is nothing he would like better than that!

 

Greg and Dad Cassidy spent hundreds and hundreds of hours working on renovating our house. They loved to work on projects together – whether it was at our house, one of his rental properties, or his church.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Are Having a Medical Trial This Week

Hey, my sweet readers!

Just wanted to let you know that my 98 year old Grandma broke her leg Tuesday – had a very severe fracture. She had just gone out to eat with us at a Chinese buffet on Sunday for Mother’s Day and was doing so well. She has been living with my parents for almost 29 years now. Such a powerful, beautiful example of love. For many years, she did all of the shopping, cooking, laundry, and ironing. In recent years, she has had to slow down a bit. But she still was extremely independent, which she loved. They have done such an incredible job taking care of her.

Grandma had high risk surgery Wednesday and was doing amazingly well. Everything went according to best possible case scenario. But then Thursday she began to have some complications. Now, she has pneumonia and is not doing well at all.

I am going to continue to spend as much time as I can with her and helping my parents and taking care of my family. So I am not going to be running a post in the next week or so. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

Grandma knows and loves Jesus and has been ready to go home to heaven for a long time. She is not suffering or in pain. I don’t know if she will recover or not. It is a day-by-day kind of thing. I am very blessed to have her for my grandmother.

I am praying for God’s greatest glory in this trial and I am extremely thankful for the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my Grandma and my parents the past few days. Each moment we spend together is such a priceless gift.

Much love!

  • Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

The hymns I have been singing the most this week:

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

And the one my Grandma liked the most yesterday when she was still coherent enough to be able to tell me:

It Is Well

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