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We Are Having a Medical Trial This Week

Hey, my sweet readers!

Just wanted to let you know that my 98 year old Grandma broke her leg Tuesday – had a very severe fracture. She had just gone out to eat with us at a Chinese buffet on Sunday for Mother’s Day and was doing so well. She has been living with my parents for almost 29 years now. Such a powerful, beautiful example of love. For many years, she did all of the shopping, cooking, laundry, and ironing. In recent years, she has had to slow down a bit. But she still was extremely independent, which she loved. They have done such an incredible job taking care of her.

Grandma had high risk surgery Wednesday and was doing amazingly well. Everything went according to best possible case scenario. But then Thursday she began to have some complications. Now, she has pneumonia and is not doing well at all.

I am going to continue to spend as much time as I can with her and helping my parents and taking care of my family. So I am not going to be running a post in the next week or so. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

Grandma knows and loves Jesus and has been ready to go home to heaven for a long time. She is not suffering or in pain. I don’t know if she will recover or not. It is a day-by-day kind of thing. I am very blessed to have her for my grandmother.

I am praying for God’s greatest glory in this trial and I am extremely thankful for the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my Grandma and my parents the past few days. Each moment we spend together is such a priceless gift.

Much love!

  • Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

The hymns I have been singing the most this week:

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

And the one my Grandma liked the most yesterday when she was still coherent enough to be able to tell me:

It Is Well

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How can you face death without fear?

Don’t Take the Bait on Valentine’s Day! (Video – SKIT)

Ladies,

Satan would love to use Valentine’s Day to create bitterness, resentment, jealousy, division, hatred, and contempt in our lives. Don’t take the bait!

It’s fine to ask for us to ask for what we would like respectfully. But if things don’t work out – we don’t have to lash out destructively.

We also don’t have to buy the expectations the world tries to sell us.

Let’s love our husbands more than we love the world’s expectations for us. Let’s remember to appreciate all the ways our husbands do show love for us. And let’s love God most of all!

We can be content in Christ every day – including Valentine’s Day!

 

My Podcasts Are Available Now!

I have converted my Youtube videos to mp3 files so that you may download them.

Now you can take me with you wherever you go!

There is a page with a tab at the top of my home page now labeled, “Podcasts,” where you can find them all. I will continue to add to the list as I make more videos.

My Youtube videos are also available at the tab at the top of my blog that says, “videos.” Join over 10,000 subscribers on my Youtube channel when you get a chance! I also have a number of new skits on Youtube that I am not going to be able to convert to podcasts.

Enjoy! <3

 

Podcasts are available here.

I hope to have podcasts available on iTunes in the near future, as well.

 

Stop Watching Football and Spend Time with Me! – SKIT

My latest skit video on Youtube. This one is about 6 minutes.

First I share some destructive approaches to trying to get our men to give us more attention. This was the old me. These were the things I did for a long time, not realizing how much I was sabotaging the very intimacy I longed for in our relationship.

Then I demonstrate several more constructive, healthy approaches that will not repel our men. When we understand our men better, how they think, how they are wired, and what motivates them, and as we allow God to help us to grow – we can learn to approach our men in healthy, God-honoring, Spirit-filled ways rather than destructive ways that only divide and hurt our relationships.

I am not talking about being fake, but about allowing the Lord to completely change our hearts to be more and more like Jesus as we allow His Word and His Spirit to transform us.

Much love!

 

Stop Watching Football and Spend Time with Me!

 

You are welcome to subscribe to my Youtube channel, as well. 🙂

 

Dealing with Difficult People at Christmas

Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash

I know that Christmas can sometimes be a challenge with difficult family dynamics and hurtful things people say at times – whether it is unintentional or intentional. I’d love to remind us all that just because someone says something doesn’t mean that we have to engage in that particular conversation. We can say something to stop intrusive questions or unsolicited advice about our lives while still being respectful of others.

Inappropriate, and sometimes downright rude, questions from others are part of life whether we are single, dating, married, or when we have children. We can simply smile and respectfully say something (as God’s Spirit leads us) like:

  • “I love you, too. Thanks for caring about my happiness.”
  • “I’m really thankful for all that God has given me right now and I trust Him to lead me in this area.”
  • “Let’s talk about something else.”
  • “I’ll take your concerns into consideration.”
  • “So, how is your family/your husband/your mom doing?”
  • “I’m content in my life and in my relationship with God. There is no better place to be in the world.”
  • “How about we talk about you! What’s going on in your world these days?”

You could make a pleasant joke – humor can be really helpful in these moments! Or you can just change the subject completely. That is totally fine. You don’t owe an explanation about your decisions to anyone but the Lord, ultimately. And you don’t have to lash out at people even if they are rude.

Keep in mind that sometimes people will try to get you to honor the same priorities they have. You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to engage in a conversation about politics, or about how many children you should have, why you work or don’t work, why you choose to educate the children the way you do, or why your husband acts the way he does. You don’t have to take the bait. Also sometimes people ask questions that feel so hurtful to us but they truly think they are just being friendly and loving. They just don’t realize how they come across. You don’t have to agree with their assessment of your life or their criticisms of your decisions.

You can know in your heart that a close walk with Jesus is the most important thing in the world no matter what anyone else may say or believe.

Don’t let anyone pressure you or get you to engage in a pity party! Satan would LOVE to get you in a place of dwelling on negative thoughts, bitterness, resentment, envy, divisiveness, gossip, and/or strife. Recognize his strategy and refuse to let his tempting thoughts set up shop in your mind. Your value doesn’t come from having the perfect husband, the perfect house, the perfect children, the perfect career, or the perfect Christmas celebration.

Your value comes from the God who lovingly created you and who gave His Son to die in your place. You don’t have to have people’s approval – only God’s. 🙂  You don’t have to be chained to all of the world’s ways of doing things and cultural or family expectations. There is such freedom in realizing this!

You can be un-enmeshed emotionally/spiritually with other people. Just because they are upset or unhappy, doesn’t mean you have to be. Isn’t THAT great news?!?

You are responsible for your emotions and your spiritual well-being. They are responsible for their own. (If you have a very toxic family dynamic, it could be helpful to review what healthy vs. unhealthy relationships look like.)

I would love to encourage my precious sisters in Christ to:

  • Enjoy your family, friends, and time alone.
  • Don’t absorb any toxic messages, only the truth of God about yourself.
  • Weigh anything anyone says (even your own mind) against scripture.
  • Focus on positive and good Philippians 4:8 things no matter what your circumstances.
  • Lay down expectations of things being a certain way or of other people being a certain way.
  • Seek to love and bless those in your life.
  • Be flexible and able to roll with unexpected changes in plans and problems that may arise.
  • Spend time with God before seeing other people to get your spiritual bearings – and if you have especially dysfunctional people in your life, spend even more time with God preparing so that you can respond in the power of His Spirit not the flesh.
  • Shine for Christ to all those around you.
  • If you are facing trials, count them as joy, asking God what He would have you to learn and asking Him to prune and refine your faith, taking you deeper and closer to Him.
  • Be aware of ways that Satan wants to discourage you and the kinds of thoughts he may try to use to get you off balance, especially during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years’ if these are difficult times for you. Don’t let him catch you off guard. Be prepared to defend against his attacks with God’s truth.
  • Be open to ways God may want to use you to reach others with His love.
  • If you have a lot of time alone this week, spend extra time digging into your walk with Christ and seeking to grow closer to Him, or ask what ministry opportunities He may have for you.

Each of you are so very precious to God and so very precious to me. I am thankful for each one of you – here is my prayer for you:

Lord,

Let my sisters (and brothers) in Christ know Your love in a more powerful, tangible way today than ever before. Help them to look past the craziness and busyness of this world to the throne room of heaven from which You reign in complete sovereignty over the universe. Help them to rest in Your love for them and in Your goodness, Your perfect wisdom, Your timing, and Your good plans for them. Help them to long to know You more.

Give them a desire for Your approval that is far greater than their desire for people’s approval. Help them to stand strong against those who are critical of them this season. Let them have Your eternal perspective and Your love for everyone in their lives, even those who are difficult to love. Help them to develop a heart of thanksgiving and praise to You that continues each moment of every day. Let them truly experience more and more of the abundant Life You have already provided for each of us.

Let them stand firm in Christ, trusting You completely to lead them each day for their ultimate good and Your ultimate glory. And let them know they are deeply loved and cherished here and in the body of Christ. Help us all to really “get” that we are united and one together in Christ – that we are never alone. We are part of an eternal family of brothers and sisters and we are part of Your family if we are in Christ.

Amen!

SHARE:

What are some of the struggles you have around Christmas? What wisdom has God shared with you that may be a blessing to our sisters in Christ?

RESOURCES:

Control Girls and Family Christmas – by Shannon Popkin

Responding to Insults, Criticisms, and Rebukes

post by Leslie Vernick about dealing with toxic and critical people that may be a blessing.

The Snare of People Pleasing

 

Taking Our Thoughts Captive – a Peaceful Wife video

A Lightbulb about Loneliness

My Security and Identity Is in Christ

Check Out the Resources I Have for You and Your Women’s Group!

Blogs:

www.peacefulsinglegirl.com

www.peacefulwife.com

 

Books:

The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord

  • If you haven’t read this book yet, especially if you tend to be a Type-A personality wife, I would love to invite you to ask your husband (or someone else) to get it for you for Christmas. What better gift could there be than to have the tools you need to grow in Christ and to grow as a wife?
  • It is available on Kindle, as an e-book, or paperback.
  • There is a free downloadable group study guide to go along with the book if you want to do this book as a small group study with friends or at your church.

The Peaceful Mom: Building a Healthy Foundation with Christ As Lord (will be available on Amazon in March)

  • This could be an amazing Mother’s Day gift for moms of any age. It is designed to fit new moms, moms-to-be, and even moms of grown children. It also is applicable regardless of a mom’s marital situation.
  • It will also be available electronically and as a paperback.
  • Preorders will probably start in the next month or so on Amazon.

 

Guest Blog Posts

If you have a blog and you are interested in me writing a guest blog for you, please comment on a post or send me a note on my Contact Page.

If you are interested in sharing your story about how Jesus has transformed your life/marriage/family with my readers, you are also welcome to comment on a post or send me a note on my Contact Page and I will be glad to see if it might be a good fit.

 

Facebook Pages:

Peaceful Wife Blog

Peaceful Single Girl

 

Twitter

@thepeacefulwife

 

Youtube

April Cassidy

 

Speaking

I am available to speak to women’s groups!  This is one of my favorite parts of ministry. 🙂

If you are interested in having me speak to your women’s group or to speak at a conference, here are the steps to take:

  • Pray about whether this is something the Lord may be leading you to do for your church or women’s group.
  • Decide about how many women you expect to come.
  • Decide what topics you would like me to cover and how long I will be speaking.
  • Be sure your church/organization is willing to provide transportation and accommodations/expenses for me. I live in the Columbia, SC area in the USA.
  • Decide if you would like a Power Point presentation and/or workbooks for the ladies to use during the seminar.
  • Your church can pay me a flat speaking fee (depending on the expected attendance) or we can sell tickets. Your organization can sell tickets, or I can sell tickets. If I sell tickets, we will take the cost of food, decorations, and the workbooks out of the cost of the tickets if you would like me to handle the ticket selling on Eventbrite.
  • Check to see if it will be okay for me to bring books to sell to any of the ladies who would like to purchase some.
  • Check to see if it is okay for me to promote the event on my sites. Other ladies might like to come if they know about it.
  • Ask your pastor, women’s ministry leader, or whoever is heading up the speaking engagement to contact me on my contact page.
  • Be sure to have some ladies to pray for the event!!

POSSIBLE TOPICS FOR YOUR WOMEN’S CONFERENCE:

  • For Married and Single Women Preparing for Marriage
    • Understanding the differences between men and women.
    • Understanding the destructive messages we have learned about masculinity/femininity in our culture.
    • Communicating more effectively with our men.
    • Disrespect – things that tend to repel men.
    • Respect – how to treat our men with genuine honor that pleases the Lord.
    • How to see God do big things in our lives and relationships.
    • Ways we inadvertently tend to idolize ourselves, our men, marriage, etc… and how to tear out the idols from our lives.
    • How the Lordship of Christ dramatically impacts the way we treat others in our marriages/families/relationships.
    • Approaching conflict with our men in a respectful, godly way.
    • Healthy vs unhealthy relationships.
    • What biblical submission in marriage is and what it is not (i.e.: it is not slavery, an invitation to abuse, women are not seconds class citizens).
    • Respecting ourselves (thinking rightly of ourselves according to scripture).
  • For Single Women
    • Choosing a godly man.
    • Red flags in dating relationships.
      • in the guy.
      • in myself.
    • Emotional/spiritual healing in Christ.
    • How to prepare to be a godly wife.
    • Godly dating/courtship.
    • Being a peaceful girlfriend.
    • Handling dating, engagement, and the wedding ceremony peacefully.
    • Dealing with the idols of dating, engagement, marriage, children, family, weddings, rings, etc…
  • For Moms
    • Doing a throne check of our hearts.
    • Putting our oxygen masks on first spiritually.
    • Keeping an eternal perspective.
    • Modeling respect for our children in our relationships and to our children.
    • Entrusting our children to God.
    • Correcting skewed beliefs.
    • Loving our children “too much.”
    • Avoiding some common mistakes – playing the martyr, control, guilt trips, loving with strings attached, etc…
  • Peaceful Womanhood – for all women from teens on up
    • Rejecting the world’s lies about womanhood.
      • My value is in my looks, my relationships, my achievements, my level of control, etc…
      • Worldly/ungodly femininity.
    • Receiving God’s truth and His design for my femininity.
      • Body image issues.
      • Dressing, thinking, acting, and speaking with modesty.
      • What godly femininity means.
    • Sins of the heart:
      • A heart check with the mirror of God’s Word.
      • Bitterness/unforgiveness/resentment/forgiveness.
      • People pleasing/Playing the martyr/Guilt tripping.
      • Avoiding adultery.
      • Guarding my heart.
    • Harnessing my emotions and dealing with hormones (PMS, pregnancy, peri-menopause).
    • Purifying our words.
      • Taking our thoughts captive for Christ – this is where it starts!
      • Gossip
    • Dealing with conflict.
    • Choosing friends wisely.
    • Developing my feminine influence.
    • Growing in Christ.
      • Developing a strong prayer life.
      • How to stop controlling others.
      • How to stop worrying.
      • Counting trials as joy.
      • Dealing with insecurity as women.
      • Finding our security in Christ alone.
      • Emotional/spiritual healing in Christ.
      • Tearing down spiritual strongholds of the enemy.
      • Spiritual warfare.

If there are other topics that are not listed, I can create a custom topic for your group.

 

 

A Word to Husbands Whose Wives Are on This Journey

My dear brothers in the Lord,

Thank you for taking the time to read some things I’d like to share with you that I hope may be helpful. I appreciate your time and support so very much!

Note – My sites and books are purposely one-sided. I only talk about what women should do because I don’t teach men, so that I can honor the scriptural command that women are not to have authority over men in the church. That is an important thing I hope that people will keep in mind when they read my posts. There is a whole other side for men who follow Christ, as well. I trust that husbands will study and seek the Lord wholeheartedly for themselves, yielding fully to His Lordship.

THIS IS A NARROW ROAD

This road that your wife is taking is very narrow – just like the road all believers must take. It is the road to true discipleship in Jesus – to biblical womanhood. Only a few women, even in the church, find and take this path today. It is completely:

  • counter-cultural.
  • counter-intuitive.
  • absolutely crazy from a worldly, human perspective.

Women who take this road must challenge everything they thought they knew about:

We must question our old fixed beliefs about almost everything and be willing to tear down most of what we thought was true and rebuild on God’s Word alone – even if we have been believers in Christ for decades.

THIS IS A TOTALLY NEW LANGUAGE AND PARADIGM

We must learn this new foreign language of respect that goes completely against all of the messages in which we have all been marinating in our culture for generations. What God calls us to do (respect our husbands and submit to their leadership) also goes completely against the way most women think.

There are so many things that seem very disrespectful to men that are just not on our radar as women or that seem like “not a big deal” from our perspective. Most of us are not purposely trying to be disrespectful. Most of us also don’t realize that our culture is very disrespectful toward men and that disrespect for men has become mainstream and normal. Most of us who struggle with being disrespectful or controlling don’t realize what we are doing or if we do, we have no idea how to stop.

It is shocking to us, and a bit overwhelming, when we first see all that is disrespectful to our men and we are confronted with sin we didn’t even realize we had.

We tend to speak and hear the language of love. The list of things that can seem unloving to us is often just as overwhelming to husbands as the list of things that can feel disrespectful to men can be to wives. The language of respect is very different – sometimes completely the opposite of our language of love. Many of us have never even heard about this stuff before. Ever. So it is a lot to absorb and process.

THERE IS VERY LITTLE HELP AND SUPPORT FOR WIVES ON THIS ROAD

Many wives have no one to:

  • be a real life example.
  • mentor them personally.
  • pray with them.
  • help them get up when they stumble.
  • cheer them on.
  • teach them.

My calling from the Lord is to seek to be a Titus 2:3-5 wife for my sisters in the Lord online so they don’t have to walk this road completely alone. Thankfully, we all have access to God. The most important thing is that we have Him with us.

Women who seek to learn to genuinely respect their husband and honor his leadership face incredible opposition from:

  • the enemy.
  • family members.
  • most friends, even Christian ones.
  • neighbors.
  • coworkers.
  • many church members.
  • sometimes even pastors and Christian leaders.
  • the media – books, shows, love songs, romantic movies, magazines, commercials, etc…
  • the world.
  • the culture.

If they also face opposition from the very man they are trying to learn to bless, it can be extremely discouraging.

Of course, the same things are very true for men, as well.

THIS IS A LONG PROCESS

It’s easy for husbands to think that wives should just suddenly “get” respect and biblical submission and be able to be completely perfect godly wives at the flip of a light switch. That they should never ever stumble again.

I have walked beside thousands of women on this road. I have seen many miracles! But I have never seen instantaneous perfection.

I have never seen any wife (or husband) become absolutely perfect and completely sinless for the rest of their lives. We can learn to walk in the power of the Spirit and have increasing victory over sin. We can stumble much less as we grow as we yield to God’s Spirit and His Lordship. But absolute total perfection is something that will not be ours until we enter the gates of heaven. While we are on earth, all of us will still need grace at times.

I want to encourage you that if your wife is seeking to allow the Lord to change her, just because she stumbles at times does not necessarily mean that she is not changing.

If she gets right back up and continues pressing on, God is changing her.

(Ladies, this is not an excuse for us to purposely keep sinning, of course.  Our goal must be to seek to please the Lord and to allow Him to transform us and empower us to walk in victory.)

MEN AND WOMEN HAVE VERY SIMILAR JOURNEYS

This is the process of sanctification. It is a lifetime journey of becoming more like Jesus. Husbands have a very similar journey to take that is equally grueling, humbling, and difficult as they learn to become the godly men the Lord calls them to be. It is completely counterintuitive for men to love their wives with the agape love of Jesus and to lead with authentic Christlike humility, gentleness, and godly wisdom. As one man in my Sunday School class described it,

“It requires a complete change of the constitution of a man to be the husband God calls him to be.”

This path toward holiness is equally challenging for wives and husbands. It requires a fundamental change of our constitution – dying to our old sinful self, taking up our cross, giving up control, learning to love/respect supernaturally and unconditionally, receiving our new nature in Christ, tearing out any idols in our hearts, repenting of all sin, learning to let God’s Spirit have control rather than the flesh, yielding to Him in absolute surrender, giving up the world’s wisdom and its ways, etc… These things are generally a process of growth, refinement, and maturation for all of us.

WE GREATLY APPRECIATE OUR HUSBAND’S SUPPORT

Some husbands are extremely unsupportive as wives seek to change. I totally understand why. I know many men are afraid that this process is not real and that their wives can’t really change. It is easy to assume that this is just another attempt at manipulation. That is how my husband often felt until God opened my eyes almost 9 years ago and began to slowly change me. I know that many husbands are afraid to get their hopes up that maybe their marriages might be healed and that they might feel respected and honored by their wives. I know there is a lot of pain for many husbands that is extremely difficult to bear.

But when a husband throws obstacles (his own sin) in his wife’s way – like being negative, critical, harsh, hateful, controlling, mean, unplugged, rude, unkind, or is consumed by some addiction – it makes it much harder for her on this journey. These stumbling blocks delay healing for the marriage. My prayer is to see all husbands and wives experience the healing and transformation that is available to them in Christ and that all of our marriages might bring great glory to the Lord.

I long to see husbands seek to help their wives and support them on this narrow path that leads to Life in Christ.

Your love, prayers, support, words of life, gentleness, selflessness, and humble leadership are so powerful in our lives as wives. What a blessing when we have husbands who are willing to love us like Jesus loved the church even when we are struggling and stumbling. When one spouse obeys the Lord, the other is blessed and it is much easier for the other spouse to obey Him, as well.

IF A HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE BOTH ON THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER, HEALING COMES MUCH SOONER

I share things with men, at times, that I hope might be helpful, like today’s post. But I don’t seek to teach, disciple, or mentor men. I simply implore husbands to start on their own journey to become godly men and husbands, to seek to be as supportive as possible of their wives’ desire to follow Christ and to become godly wives. If both spouses are on this journey together, my experience has been that the healing can happen a LOT faster.

Much love in Christ!

April

SHARE:

If any husbands would like to share with our other brothers how the Lord has shown them to encourage and support their wives on this journey, that would be great.

RELATED:

An explanation of how this process for wives usually unfolds 

Resources for Men

www.peacefulhusband.com – my husband’s blog

Why Do I Have to Change First?

 

 

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