Skip to main content

Are Women Inferior to Men in God’s Eyes?

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Some women think terrible things about God and His relationship with women today. They’ll say things like:

  • God hates women.
  • The Bible is misogynistic.
  • God created women to be inferior to men.
  • Men are more important than women to God.

If that was the kind of God we had, I could understand why a lot of women wouldn’t be excited about loving Him wholeheartedly or yielding to His Lordship. That sounds horrible! Thankfully, this is NOT the message of the Bible.

Of course, many people go the opposite way today, saying that women are superior to men and all men are evil. We humans seem to be obsessed with trying to make one gender inherently more holy and one gender inherently more evil than the other.

How can we know what is really true?

Let’s do a brief overview of what the Bible actually has to say about our worth as women together, precious sisters.

The Bible is our source of absolute truth because it is the infallible Word of God. God’s Word must be the measure we use to determine what is right and what is wrong. If I trust any other source, I am trusting sinful, fallible people and I am not going to find the real truth. When I build my life on God’s Word, I build on Solid Rock rather than sinking sand.

OUR WORTH IN GOD’S EYES:

  • Men and women were both created in the image of God.
    • So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Gen. 1:27
  • God blessed both men and women.  
    • And God blessed them. Gen. 1:28
  • God pronounced that everything He made was very good after He created both man and woman.
    • And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. Gen. 1:31
  • God created man first, then He created woman with a very special purpose.
    • Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Gen. 2:18
    • The word “helper” is the same word that is used about the Holy Spirit being our helper. It is not a derogatory term, but a powerful and good term.
    • God did create men and women to be different from each other. He created unique roles for each one.
    • In God’s economy, “different” doesn’t mean one is less valuable and having equal worth doesn’t mean we are identical.
  • God designed for women to be unconditionally loved, cherished, and honored in marriage to demonstrate the way Jesus loves, cherishes, and honors His Bride, the Church. God created marriage to be a permanent, life-long covenant between a husband and wife that is the primary example of His love for His people.
    • Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Gen. 2:24
    • Marriage is to be a living picture of the beautiful relationship between Jesus and His church where the husband is to portray the selfless love, leadership, humility, and sacrifice of Jesus for the church and the wife is to portray the admiration, cooperative spirit, honor, and love of the church for Jesus – Ephesians 5:22-33
  • Men and women both sinned and are equally cursed because of sin and equally in need of a Savior. We are all in the same boat. There is no room for any of us to be prideful that we are “better” than anyone else. Only God is good. People have no goodness in ourselves because of sin. Some of the curse of sin impacts men and women differently, but we are all cursed because of sin and rebellion against God. And we are all subject to death because of our sin.
    • The curse for men, women, and the serpent – Genesis 3 
    • For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. Rom. 3:23-24
    • For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom. 6:23
    • For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
    • The gospel is for all people – men and women – and all have equal ability to become children of God through Jesus and the cross.
    • We all have equal access to God through Jesus.
    • All men and women are to submit absolutely to the Lordship of Christ.
  • In Christ, all people have equal worth/value and equal access to all that He has done for us.
    • There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Gal. 3:28
    • But because of his great love for us (all believers), God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. Eph. 2:4-7
  • Women are co-heirs with Jesus and with our husbands as children of God and are to be treated with dignity and honor. In God’s economy all people are to be treated with love, respect, dignity, and honor.
    • Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Rom. 8:17
    • Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Pet. 3:7

THE TWO GREATEST COMMANDS

There are two commands Jesus says are the greatest in all the world for all of us – men and women (Matt. 22:36-40):

  1. To love the Lord our God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength.
  2. To love others as we love ourselves. (This includes all people)

The Second Greatest Commandment means that all believers in Christ are to love all people with the very agape love of God found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

  • Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

And all believers are to be Spirit-filled so that the fruit of all of our lives include the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control of God in the way we interact with all other people (Gal. 5:22-23).

When we are in right standing and relationship with God through Jesus, He completely transforms our ability – as men and women – to have healthy relationships with other people. We want to treat others well – with love, value, respect, and honor.

AUTHORITY DOES NOT EQUAL WORTH IN GOD’S KINGDOM

I believe some of the greatest misunderstandings people have about God, the Bible, and women come from the worldly expectation that “people who have positions of authority have greater worth.” The president of the company makes a lot more money, in our society, than the janitor, for example. That may be how things are for  the world, but in God’s economy, a person’s worth is a function of God’s love for him/her and that person being created by God in His image.

Our worth is not related to our function, talents, gifts, or roles in various areas of our lives in God’s eyes.

An unborn or newborn baby has great value and worth in God’s sight, but the baby has zero authority. Widows and orphans have great worth in God’s sight, but in many cultures throughout history and even today, they often have had no authority or standing in society and no ability to provide for themselves. That is why God has created positions of authority to protect these people He loves so dearly. God does not show favoritism.

Jesus is God, He is part of the Godhead. He submitted Himself humbly to the authority of the Father, and yet He was equal to the Father. His submission was out of love for God and out of reverence for God’s government. The example of authority/submission in the Godhead has nothing to do with worth – it is about love, provision, and order.

GOD’S AUTHORITY STRUCTURE

  • There are different positions of authority that are delegated by God to accomplish His will in our lives. He chooses to lead us through certain means. This is God’s system of spiritual government and order: government leaders, police/military, work leaders, church leaders, family leaders (husbands and parents). It is critical to understand that in God’s economy, positions of authority are not related to a person’s worth. In fact, God generally uses the stronger people to protect the more vulnerable, weak, and precious ones.
    • Spiritual Authority – This post contains most of the verses in Scripture about God’s design for His system of government and order in all areas of our lives.
    • People in positions of spiritual authority (both male and female) are to do God’s will and His work. They are not permitted to abuse or sin against anyone by God.
  • When God gives someone a position of authority, it is to protect, bless, shepherd, care for, nurture, and lead the ones in that person’s care into God’s will. It is never for the leader to be a selfish, abusive, unloving, prideful tyrant. The leader is to imitate the very love, humility, sacrifice, and selflessness of Jesus for His beloved Bride.
    • Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant. Matt. 20:25-26
  • All people in positions of God-given authority, all believers, and all unbelievers answer to Jesus in the end.
    • And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” Matt. 28:18
    • Great White Throne Judgement

PRAYER

Lord,

Please heal the areas of our hearts, minds, and souls where we have misunderstood Your heart and Your love for men and women. Help us to see and reject the lies we have embraced that are so toxic. Help us to build our lives on Your Word, Your truth, Your love, and Your goodness. Help us to seek Your will above everything else. Help us to find all of our identity and security in Christ, not in anything the world may try to say. And help us to become the radiant, peaceful, joyful, Spirit-filled, holy women You call us to be. Use us to radically impact our families and this world for Your kingdom!

Amen!

 

RELATED POSTS

How to Have a Relationship with Jesus

What Is the Gospel? – by www.gotquestions.org

Is There Such a Thing As Absolute Truth? – by www.gotquestions.org

Biblical Womanhood and the Problem of the Old Testament – Trillia Newbell, www.desiringgod.org

Articles about Biblical Manhood and Womanhood – from www.desiringgod.org

Is There Misogyny in the Bible? – by www.gotquestions.org

Does Deuteronomy 22:28-29 Command a Rape Victim to Marry Her Rapist? – by www.gotquestions.org

Is God/the Bible Sexist? – by www.gotquestions.org

What Does the Bible Say about Sexism? – by www.gotquestions.org

Is Feminist Theology Biblical? – by www.gotquestions.org

How Should a Christian View Misandry? – by www.gotquestions.org

What Does the Bible Say about Spousal/Marital Rape? – by www.gotquestions.org

Where Do Hatred, Rage, and Violence Fit into Our Lives as Believers?

 

BOOKS TO HELP US DISCERN BETWEEN WORLDLY THINKING AND BIBLICAL THINKING

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood downloadable book edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem

Radical Womanhood – Feminine Faith in a Feminist World by Carolyn McCulley

The Feminist Mistake – the Radical Impact of Feminism on the Church and Culture  by Mary Kassian

The Feminist Gospel – The Movement to Unite Feminism with the Church by Mary Kassian

 

VIDEOS

David Platt’s videos on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

 

 

“My Husband Thinks We Should Move!!!?!?”

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

I love to take real-life situations and seek to approach them biblically. God has given us a LOT of instruction, help, and wisdom to use in times of conflict in our marriages and in almost any situation. As we learn to look to Him and His Word for biblical principles, and as we learn to depend on Him in faith and prayer – we can then learn to notice His promptings and leading in the details of our unique situations, as well.

Today, let’s picture a scenario where a husband* announces to his wife something like:

  • “My job is being relocated in two months to the office 2 hours away.”
  • “I found a better job opportunity out of state.”
  • “I think a move would be best for our family.”

A wife may be tempted to have a  knee-jerk reaction – like, “NO WAY!!!!!!”

Most of us don’t like change too much. It’s easy to immediately hate the idea and blast a husband with all the reasons this can’t possibly sane.

  • “Well, then, you need to get a job here. There is no way we are moving.”
  • “You can move and the kids and I will stay put. I’m not going to uproot them.”
  • “The kids are settled in their school and they have friends here.”
  • “I love this neighborhood and this house. I’m not giving it up!”
  • “I hate that idea.”
  • “I don’t care what you say, I’m not going!”
  • “Absolutely not! End of discussion!”

Sometimes it’s easy to freak out in a situation like this and be contentious, defensive, and argumentative. But what if, instead of freaking out and immediately rejecting our man’s idea, we take a deep breath and listen? He may be hearing from the Lord. He may not even know it, himself. But what if God is leading in this idea? What if I am fighting God? How could I possibly know for sure – yet?

SOME BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES TO KEEP IN MIND IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS

  • “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done.” Luke 22:42
  • Let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph. 5:33
  • Train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:4-5

God does work through things like circumstances, job transfers, a husband’s ideas (as the God-given leader of the family), job offers, and other situations to lead us into His will. Of course I am not saying that every job transfer announcement means, “It is definitely God’s will for the family to move.” Or that every idea a husband has is God’s will. We do need to pray and seek the Lord in times of decisions. So do our men.

But we have a sovereign Lord! If only we could grasp this precious truth! He is even able to take awful things like natural disasters, wars, and persecution – things Satan intends to use to destroy us – to lead His children. And He can certainly use good things to benefit us, too (Rom. 8:28-29). He will never leave us and never forsake us!

It could be that God wants to lead us into a new place where we will be greatly blessed. He may have just the right church family waiting for us, just the specific neighbors He wants us to have as our friends. He may have mentors for us in the new place or an amazing new ministry. Or, it may be that our children’s best friends and future spouses might be there. That is what happened when my Daddy’s job was relocated in 1987 from Pittsburgh, PA, to Columbia, SC! I sure hated the move at the time, but now, I am grateful beyond words!

Our cooperative spirit with our husbands, and – even more importantly – with the Lord, makes a huge difference! It also helps us to shine for the gospel and to draw others to Christ.

A DIFFERENT APPROACH

Maybe I could consider approaching a big, potentially scary decision, in new ways:

  • Listen to his ideas.
  • See the merit and good points he has, as well as the reality of the situation.
  • Ask for some time to pray to:
    • Seek the Lord.
    • Be open to Him.
    • Die to myself.
    • Really determine to trust Him no matter how He may lead.
    • Yield everything in my life to His will and hold things loosely in my hands.
    • Desire God’s will and His greatest glory for my husband, my children, and myself, even if I don’t know exactly what may happen.
  • Then after I have prayed and am calm, I can share my heart respectfully. I can share my concerns politely, in a friendly, cooperative way.
  • Maybe, in time, I might even be able to get excited about the idea. It could be a grand adventure the Lord has prepared for us all!

God is the One who is outside of time and space. Not me. He is omniscient – He knows everything. I definitely do not. He knows absolutely everything about the past, the present, and the future. His wisdom far exceeds my own. I want to be cooperative when He is opening a new door He has for my family.

*NOTE – If your husband is suffering from uncontrolled mental health issues, uncontrolled drug/alcohol addiction, if he is abusive, or not in his right mind, please seek appropriate, trustworthy, godly counsel and help from your local church, medical professionals, and even the police if necessary.

SHARE

Have you experienced a time when your husband believed that your family needed to move and now you can see God’s hand at work? Or maybe you had a move where you went kicking and screaming, only to realize later that God was in it. We’d love to hear about it in the comments. Your story may be just the inspiration another wife needs to see.

NEW INFO

My new commenting policy.

My new vision for ministry.

RELATED

My Husband Doesn’t Want a Baby, but I Do

My Husband Wants to Go Where?!?!

A Wife’s Strong Faith and an Old Truck

A Real Life Example of Respect and Submission

What Headship and Biblical Submission Look Like at Our House

Taking Our Thoughts Captive – VIDEO

 

God Changed a Wife’s Heart for Her Imperfect Husband

I am so thankful to be able to share other women’s testimonies of God’s incredible power to change and heal hearts, lives, and relationships. Every story and situation is unique. I know God can – and will – give each woman His divine wisdom about the specifics as she seeks Him wholeheartedly and is led by His Spirit. And yet, so many of the central principles we all have to learn as believers in Christ are the same. I always love to see that. Keep in mind that time frames and outcomes may be different in different stories. The main thing is that we are close to the Lord and we are doing what He calls us to do each day in our specific situation. I pray this precious sister’s story might be a blessing to you today:

Hi April!

I wanted to share a story with you about how God completely changed my heart and my marriage through the gospel and His will for wives to submit to their husbands

(Note, God’s definition of “submission” is NOT at all the same as the world’s, it is not about slavery or BSDM – and it all begins with our submission to Christ as Lord).

I was a new wife when I stumbled across your website. A zealous new Christian who “had it all figured out” in her mind. Deep down I thought I was very obedient, a good wife and my husband was the man who was a rebel against God. Ignorant to my own sin, I would preach the Bible to my husband. He knew the scriptures, but in my mind he was just a rebel who wouldn’t submit to God.

I didn’t realize the very destructive and severe sin in my heart. I was striving in my works to be perfect. My heart was hardened, but still, I did want to submit. The problem was I thought I already was. I carried bitter thoughts towards my man, I was lifted up in pride, definitely more “spiritual.” I was “righteous” in my own eyes until…

I kicked my husband out one day and he walked on the streets all night.

I told a new sister in Christ how horrible he was and that I told him to leave. He struggled with smoking and pornography, and couldn’t hold a job. I was better than he was in my eyes. Thankfully by God’s grace this sister confirmed the scriptures I knew but brought them to me in a new light. She pointed out how the Lord wanted my heart to honor and reverence my husband rather than the awful self-righteous and condemning judgement that I previously had towards him.

That night was the beginning of a journey, through new eyes. Eyes that had been enlightened by the TRUE grace of God where I found true repentance unto salvation and my heart began to change. I told my husband to come back home.

Things didn’t change instantly.

The Lord had to unwind every bitter thought I had towards him and replace them with honoring thoughts. I felt, for a while, like every day the Lord was nit-picking new sin in my heart. But the closer I got to knowing the Lord, the more delight I had in repentance and suddenly I was a lot more joyful and at peace to submit to my husband. It was no longer a burden, but I started to embrace his leadership and look forward to serving him. I recognized that being my husband’s helpmeet was God’s perfect will.
We used to argue constantly and say hurtful things. Suddenly there was no longer as much to argue about. I was not as easily offended when I felt hurt by him, but could forgive him quickly and move forward, which would soften his heart towards me. Before my husband was so discouraged, he had no confidence to work. Recently the Lord provided him with a position of authority in a workplace that he loves and he excelling at.

I pray for him almost every day to succeed and do well, things I never used to pray for him.

Today we are in a better place, it is truly only by the abundant mercy of the Lord that we are where we are! I’m so excited to see all God has in store and pray that I can just encourage wives that they do have a choice in whether or not they can have a godly marriage. First it starts with a willing heart to serve the Lord, and therefore submit to our husbands as unto the Lord. I finally understand the scripture “seek first the kingdom of God and these things shall be added unto you.”
Have a blessed day. Your website was the beginning of my journey!

RELATED

Should a Christian Wife Consider Separation? – Separation is not ideal, however, there are times when this may be necessary, but only as the Lord leads under certain circumstances.
Biblical Submission – definition

SHARE

If you want to share with me about what the Lord has done in your life – as a wife, mom, or single woman, I’d love to hear about it! Just let me know if you want the message to be private, just for me, or if you give me permission to consider possibly sharing your (600-1200 word) story anonymously as a blog post. Send me a message on my Contact Page.

RESOURCES FOR WOMEN WHO NEED MORE HELP

If you are facing something really tough, I encourage you to get in touch with your local Bible-teaching church for godly mentors/counselors/pastors who may be able to direct you and who know you personally if you are having major issues or need one-on-one help.
Or you may contact resources like:
Focus on the Family – for a one time free counseling session and free counselor referral service
Nina Roesner’s eCourse Strength and Dignity
Ultimately, be sure to compare any advice or counsel any human gives to God’s Word and seek to do what He leads. <3

A Season of Spring Cleaning

Photo by Ethan Robertson on Unsplash

mohammad-amiri-239522-unsplashNOTE – The ebook version of The Peaceful Wife is FREE – today only (4-2-18) – at GooglePlay! 🙂

Spring is one of my favorite seasons. A time when all that was dead – or appeared to be dead – begins to awaken. Temperatures grow warmer. Buds and flowers begin to burst forth. Spring seems to be a celebration of resurrection!

It’s also such a wonderful time to do a thorough house-cleaning. When those junky, hidden places have been thoroughly dealt with – everything else is infinitely easier to keep clean, neat, and organized.

To me, a clean, tidy house brings a sense of peace, beauty, and sanctuary.

SOMETIMES SPRING CLEANING BRINGS NASTY SURPRISES

I had noticed a few little oval shaped black bugs on the floor at the bottom of the fridge sometimes for a number of months. Greg and I looked on top of the fridge, behind the fridge, and in the cabinet above the fridge and didn’t see anything a few months ago. So, I didn’t think much about it. I just swept up the little bodies when I saw some on the floor each week. Last week, I was doing a huge purge of the kitchen cabinets and major organizing. As I pulled things out of that cabinet above the refrigerator, I began to see the scope of the real problem.

We had an infestation of tiny bugs – warehouse beetles – apparently. Thousands of them, I would guess. They had made a nest in some dry cat food bags up there! It wasn’t until I really slowed down and began to thoroughly examine things – in the hidden, dark places – that I saw how significant the issue was and where the hidden source was. I threw out every bag of cat food and thoroughly cleaned that cabinet. YUCK!

Spring cleaning is also exactly what God wanted to do in my life over the past two months.

SPIRITUAL SPRING CLEANING IN MY LIFE

First, I had to really slow down. And, WOW, was that hard for me! I tend to want to go 100 mph. I tend to be awful at being still and resting. I felt like I was a freight train trying to come to a sudden stop. It took a good week or so into my break before I really could just be still before God. (Honestly, the Parkland, FL shooting happening on my first day of seeking to rest in the Lord caused me to have to do a lot of spiritual wrestling with fear, probably like a lot of moms of children in public high schools, before I could begin to do the other soul work God had for me.)

For over a week, I sensed:

So I yielded to Him and tried to just rest. No spiritual warfare for anyone – not even myself. No relationship advice-giving to anyone. As God helped me to finally slow way, way down – He gently, lovingly let me know it was time for some serious spring cleaning in my heart.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

He began to show me some yucky stuff that I didn’t realize was thriving in some hidden, dark places in my heart and mind behind closed cabinet doors. Maybe I had seen a few dead bugs at the bottom of the refrigerator, but I hadn’t seen the entire extent and source of the problems before. He showed me that I had been so busy I had developed a:

  • Sense of self-importance, self-effort, and self-reliance – that’s nasty pride.
  • Spirit of hurry and rushing ahead.
  • Tendency to take on more than He was really calling me to carry rather than letting Him do all the heavy lifting.
  • Habit of not having a Sabbath rest from ministry – too much doing and not enough resting.
  • Lack of healthy balance in my priorities.

These things had to go!

I wanted to grow spiritually more than anything. I had asked God to show me what was blocking His Spirit from doing more in my life – and He did! Thank You, Lord! Whew, some parts of the past 7 weeks have been PAINFUL!!!! Like – really painful. But good. And necessary. The kind of pain that leads to healing.

  • I began to praise and thank Him more, longing to yield fully to Him, however and wherever He may lead, holding everything in my life loosely in my hands.
  • I studied more about His holiness in The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges. I was convicted of just how holy God is and how much I want to share in His holiness.
  • I focused on receiving His love, provision, truth, healing, and blessing.
  • I focused on keeping a much slower pace.
  • I spent a lot more time with my family.
  • I went on more walks.
  • I spent more time with God, in prayer, in His Word, and reading/listening to books to feed my soul.
  • I also found I had to replicate a number of steps I had taken early on in my journey as I prayerfully tried to discern the proper balance in various areas in my life. Thankfully, they are coming a bit easier this time. But it still takes some spiritual wrestling, at times, as we are in a spiritual growth spurt and facing new challenges.

God has given me a deeper sense than I have ever experienced before of a number of things like: His peace, His leading, His holiness, His majesty. He has helped me humble myself as I begged him to break anything in me that was not of Him and as I begged Him to refine me and cleanse me to make me holy and pleasing in His sight. He is continuing to help me receive more of Himself, His love, His power, and His transformation in my life. I plan to make some lasting changes to help me keep my own life and spirit more rested and balanced.

I plan to take things slowly and make sure I am following the Lord’s leading and Greg’s leading. I’m excited about what I believe God wants to do here and on my other sites. Please pray with me for God to give me (and Greg) the wisdom we need so that I can do things 100% God’s way and bring Him the most possible glory!

There is always so much to learn and so many blessings to be cherished from our amazing God. What a gift that we can share this road together with each other and the Lord.

CHANGES

My new vision and mission here, along with changes you can expect going forward.

My new commenting policy.

SHARE

I have MISSED y’all!!! Thank you for your patience. I’d love to hear what the Lord has been teaching you in the past month or two. Have you been undergoing any spiritual spring-cleaning yourself? I’m working extra today and tomorrow, but I can’t wait to hear all about what God has been doing in your life.

<3

Much love!

13 Keys to Peace for Moms with Kids in Public School Today

I believe God can and will give each family the wisdom they need for each of their children at every stage about what kind of schooling works best for them. And I know that things can change for different children and families depending on many factors. So I am not going to advocate that all Christian parents must homeschool, must send their kids to private school, or must use public school. That is a matter of personal conviction and prayer for each family. God lovingly instructs us, in Romans 14, to extend grace and understanding to one another in the area of personal convictions.

This post is for moms who have children in the public school system right now and who are grappling with fear for their children’s safety.

We have two children in the public school system. In our area, we have been quite blessed because most of our children’s teachers have been Christians. We have had many very positive experiences with our school district, the teachers, the students, and the administration. Of course, there have been a few bumps along the way, too.

But I do have to admit, the shooting in Parkland, FL was tough. It definitely threatened my peace as a mom.

Every shooting is awful. Every single one tears my heart to shreds. This one hit me harder for some reason than all of the ones in the past. I didn’t even want to drive our son to his high school the next day. It was so tempting to react in fear. As a Mama, my first gut reaction was just to want to yank both of our kids out of public school.

Reality is – there are no ironclad guarantees our children will be safe at school – or anywhere else today.

How can I be peaceful when it feels like my children are potentially in danger?

It takes some spiritual wrestling to get to that place of perfect peace, but it IS possible in Christ!

  1. I have to get alone with God and feel my feelings first. I pour out my fears, my concerns, and my desires to the Lord.
    • It’s best if I do this first with God rather than unloading all of my fear on my husband, I have found. If I unload it on him first, he feels attacked. That makes things a lot worse.
  2. I seek to reject a spirit of fear because that is not from God.
    • I know I must take my thoughts captive for Christ. 
    • I have to be careful how much news I read/watch and how much Facebook I read. There are certain news outlets I don’t read/watch at all.
    • If I react out of fear, I will make destructive, horrible choices many times. I will play right into the hands of the enemy of my soul. I want to walk in God’s victory over my fear. I want to act in godly wisdom and faith.
    • I remember and declare out loud that God has not given me a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. 2 Tim. 1:7
  3. I pray and ask for God’s wisdom for my husband and for myself, for our children, for the administration at the school, for the teachers, and for our government officials.
  4. I invite God’s Spirit to pour His love, life, power, and healing into our schools. I invite the gospel, the Bible, and prayer back into our schools.
    • We have been teaching our children that there is no God, human life is an accident, there is no purpose for them. We kicked out God and the Bible and the gospel, but we did not kick out the darkness. Darkness has been running rampant. That is not God’s fault – it is the result of people’s choices corporately and individually.
    • The only way to dispel the darkness is to allow God’s Light to return. I beg God for a 3rd Great Awakening in our country including in our schools, churches, businesses, government, families, and communities, that our schools might become places of light, hope, truth, and the gospel.
    • I pray for the shooter – and many potential future shooters – to receive healing from Christ and to come to know Jesus as Savior and Lord.
    • I pray for God to redeem the situation and use this tragedy to bring the gospel to many people and to open people’s hearts to His love and salvation.
    • I can find others to pray with me or join www.momsinprayer.org.
  5. I remind myself who God is.
    • God is sovereign. He doesn’t cause evil. But He promises to use all things, good and bad, for the good of those who love Him. He is love. He is just. He is holy. He reigns over the universe.
    • He is with me. He will never leave or forsake me – or my children. I focus on His Word and His character.
  6. I remember that my trust must ultimately be in God. Not anything else. My hope and faith has to be 100% in Him.
    • I might read through some of the Psalms where David was being attacked by King Saul and his enemies and how his trust was completely in the Lord.
    • Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Ps. 20:7
  7. I thank God for this trial and rejoice at what He wants to teach me and how He wants to help me grow spiritually through it.
    • Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4
    • I focus on thanksgiving and praise for the Lord.
  8. I do some research, if I think it may be time to change our children’s schooling situation. Maybe there is another school that might be a better fit for my child? Maybe I look into home schooling, a private school, or a charter school if I believe there might be a better alternative. I bring those options to the Lord first.
  9. I share my concerns and ideas with my husband respectfully. I share any alternative solutions I believe might work for our children if I truly believe they are not safe where they are. And I patiently wait for him to consider them. I don’t force my way or rush him. I give him all the time he needs.
  10. I hold the outcome loosely in my hands remembering that I don’t know all things like God does, trusting God to lead our children and myself through my husband. God has designated him as the leader – and He often nudges him in specific ways. I don’t know what is best. No human does. I have opinions – but God is already in the future and He sees and knows so many things I can’t know yet. His wisdom is infinitely higher than my own.
  11. I cooperate with my husband’s leading, unless he is asking me to sin or go against God, and seek to honor God’s order for our family because if I try to strike out on my own and do things my way without respecting God’s order in the government, at work, at church, or in my marriage, I may find myself fighting against God.
    • If we move our children to another type of schooling, I will trust God.
    • If we keep our children in public school, I will trust God.
  12. Then I continue to pray for everyone involved in my family, my children’s schools, the students and staff, our leaders, and our country. I trust God to lead our family through my husband. I invite God’s miracles and power and Spirit into the situation. I seek His glory more than anything else.
  13. I ask how God might want to use me to bless my kids’ schools and other schools.

My heart grieves so much over where we are as a culture. It is so obvious that we need God! We need His healing in our land! It is completely heartbreaking that we have so many people who are so broken, hurting, who feel so unloved, and who are so far from God that killing other people seems like the solution to them. If only they had the love of Christ! If only they knew the truth about their value to the Lord and the value of other people – that we are all made in the image of God. That we are all dearly loved by Him. If only they know that life – all human life – is precious and sacred. That we are all created with a high purpose. If only they knew what Jesus did for them and the Life and Love He offers them!

With the passing of Billy Graham this week, the gospel is being presented all over the world on secular news stations and social media. Perhaps God will even use the timing of his death at a time when many people are searching for answers from the shooting to soften people’s hearts to His message. There is also a major prayer movement with many believers in Christ pleading with the Lord for an awakening in Washington DC this week, as well. I believe there is about to be a MASSIVE movement of His Spirit – a tidal wave across our nation!

May God empower us all to grow like crazy in our faith in the midst of these trials and may His Spirit move mightily among us to draw us all closer to Himself than ever! And may He even use these tragedies to spur His people on to pray in the greatest Awakening the world has ever seen. Let’s come together in prayer, my precious sisters (and brothers)!

Verses about peace.

7 Keys to Finding Real Peace

 

The wicked band together against the righteous

and condemn the innocent to death.

But the Lord has become my fortress,

and my God the rock in whom I take refuge.

Ps. 94:21-22

The Cure for My Compulsion to Control – Part 2

We are continuing a series that started earlier this month:

Once I see that God is God and I am not and I begin to rebuild my thinking on His Word and truth alone, I am ready to begin the next phase of healing from my controlling ways.

GOD’S TRUTH WILL SET ME FREE IN EVERY AREA

I allow God’s Light and Truth into the the deepest foundations of my spiritual beliefs about every topic. I invite Him to help me completely tear out my old foundations and fixed beliefs that I have cherished for so long. Then I invite the Lord to help me begin to build on Jesus Christ and His Word alone.

  • Anything that is not from Him has no place in my life and has to be trashed. It is poison.
  • Anything that is from Him, I must embrace wholeheartedly even if I don’t understand it or like it at first.

I have to be ruthless about this. And yes, it is painful. But extremely necessary.

This is the path to peace and miraculous spiritual healing and deliverance. If I don’t do this, I will suffer a lot more pain in the long run. This is not a one-time-and-done thing – it is the path I will continue to take for the rest of my life. There are layers that God will reveal to me and I deal with each one as I see it. It is part of the refining and pruning process.

I have to be willing to question the things I have believed – maybe things I have thought were true since I was very young. I need to question the things I learned and absorbed growing up and even as an adult. Just because I have thought something was true for a long time, doesn’t mean it is true. Just because it feels familiar and feels safe, doesn’t mean I can keep it.

It is ALL about Him from now on and about what He says and how He sees me and everyone and everything.

I read my Bible with new eyes, inviting God to:

  • Teach me!
  • Change me!
  • Heal me!
  • Show me Your wisdom!
  • Empower me to obey whatever You ask of me!

I commit that I will obey God and do things His way from now on – with any passage I can clearly understand. And if I don’t understand something in scripture, I will seek to understand and obey. I commit to learning sound doctrine and to handle scripture rightly. Whatever God asks me to do, I know it will be the best thing for me, for my marriage, for my family, for the kingdom, and for His glory. Bringing Him glory is my highest purpose!

For me, the next step in healing was to see God’s design for authority for His people.

GOD DESIGNED A SPECIFIC AUTHORITY STRUCTURE FOR ALL BELIEVERS

Authority

When Christ is Lord, I also yield to His structure of authority in my life according to 1 Cor. 11:3, Rom. 13:1-3, and other scriptures. I don’t buy the world’s messages or trust my own human reasoning.

God chooses to lead me (and all believers) through His Spirit, His Word, prayer, circumstances, and also through people in places of designated authority in my life: church leaders, government leaders, police officers, managers at work, my husband at home, and parents for underaged children. He provides people in leadership positions to protect, provide for, bless, lead, and create order for His people.

Of great importance – in God’s design, positions of authority/roles have nothing to do with a person’s value. This is the opposite of the world’s system where greater authority = greater value.

Every person has equal value in His eyes. Each of us are made in His image (Gen. 1:27). Men, women, different races of people, older people, young people, and babies are all precious and dearly loved by the Lord. We are all co-heirs with Christ (Gal. 3:28). If anything, God has a special place in His heart for those with the least amount of authority – children, babies, the unborn, orphans, widows, refugees, migrants, and the poor. The purpose, in God’s kingdom, for this authority structure is that those who have the most strength and power are supposed to use their gifts to bless, provide for, nurture, and protect those under their care. And those who are in positions to lead are held to higher standards by the Lord.

For more on the concept of God’s structure for authority in every area of our lives, please check out these foundational posts:

I need to know who has the God-given proper authority in various areas of my life.

I know that God has ultimate authority and sovereignty over the universe. Then when I understand what humans are in places of God-given authority and what their responsibilities are vs. what my responsibilities are – I learn to stay within my healthy boundaries and I don’t try to take on authority/decisions that don’t belong to me. If I usurp someone else’s position of God-given authority and try to do someone else’s God-given job or if I disrespect those in positions of God-given authority, I will bring judgment on myself according to Romans 13:1-3.

When I honor God’s design in any area of my life, including this one, it leads to so much weight being taken off of my shoulders and leads to His peace as I trust Him, honor His will for me, and don’t try to control things that are not mine to control. Then I am cooperating with and submitting to God rather than fighting Him. I can’t please Him if I am opposing His methods.

God leads His people through human leaders to teach us to trust Him and to increase our faith. He did it with Moses. Some men rebelled against the authority of Moses during the exodus – and they paid a hefty price (Korah’s rebellion) because:

God counts rebellion against people in positions of God-given authority as rebellion against Himself.

God also led His people in the New Testament through the apostles and then through elders, deacons, pastors, prophets, and teachers. He accomplishes His will through kings, queens, presidents, and governors. He works through our managers and bosses at work. He works through our police officers and military leaders. He works through our husbands – even unbelieving ones – to lead us into His will. And He works through our parents and teachers when we are children.

God always has a clear authority structure for us to follow. It is His choice and part of His wisdom to lead us in this way “through cords of human kindness” (Hosea 11:4). If a person in a position of God-given authority abuses that position or asks us to defy God or His Word, then we must choose to obey God rather than men (Acts 5:29). We don’t blindly follow people. We must use discernment. We don’t follow people into sin or away from God. God is the only one we can trust absolutely.

God uses our willingness to honor human God-given authorities to help us learn humility – which is one of the most important virtues in His sight – and to grow spiritually. Until we learn to properly submit to a person in authority, we can’t act as a person in authority in godly ways.

Note – I don’t want to allow people to abuse authority in my life and I don’t want to allow other people to take over the decisions and responsibilities that belong to me. If someone in a position of God-given authority is abusing his/her position, there should be other authorities over that person to whom we can respectfully appeal.

BEING IN A POSITION OF GOD-GIVEN AUTHORITY

When I have a position of God-given authority – I am a boss, a government official, a police officer, a teacher, or a parent of underage children – I must humbly always keep in mind that the purpose of God giving me such a position is always to accomplish His will and His purposes. It is not about me. It is about taking proper care of His beloved people and about doing His will. It is about dying to self, not becoming a tyrant.

Jesus called them over and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those in high positions act as tyrants over them. It must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Matt. 20:25-27

 

 

Note – I have a whole chapter in my new book, The Peaceful Mom, that is releasing March 27, 2018 that may be a blessing. It is all about how we develop skewed thinking and how to correct it. There is a very helpful chart with a large number of lies we may be tempted to believe, the truth of the Bible, and scripture references to support those truths.

RELATED

Identifying the Lies We Have Embraced

 

Prayer for 2018

Ladies (and Gentlemen),

I invite you to take a few moments to pray together with me over your upcoming year,  your family, your church, this ministry, and the church worldwide. What an awesome privilege that God grants us access to the very Holy of Holies in heaven 24/7 through Jesus and His finished work on the cross on our behalf. We are already seated with Him in the heavenlies!

Lord,

We invite You into our lives to have full control. To be LORD over every area of our lives. You alone are God. There is no other. You alone are worthy of all of our worship, praise, adoration, reverence, obedience, love, sacrifice, and faithfulness. We want to start out this new year with a clean slate together.

CONFESSION

We confess our sins before you. Our own sins. Help us to see clearly anything in us that is toxic. Anything that is spiritual poison so that we can invite You to cleanse us and we can throw it away like garbage:

pride, self-righteousness, idolatry of anyone/anything (anything we desire more than we desire You in our hearts), lust, porn addiction, romantic novel/movie addiction, emotional affairs/infatuation with other men, adultery with other men, drug/food/alcohol/exercise addictions, any kind of addiction at all (they are all idolatry), greed, materialism, apathy, unbelief in You, lack of faith in You, love that has grown cold, hatred, contempt, bitterness, resentment, malice (desiring to harm someone else), taking vengeance for ourselves rather than trusting You to take vengeance, unforgiveness, unbiblical thinking, false doctrine, denying Your power, trusting self rather than You, denying the truth of Your Word, worldliness, trusting worldly human wisdom over Your Word, abortion, murder, abuse toward other people (emotionally, verbally, spiritually, financially, physically), words that speak death rather than life, words that destroy others, words that grieve Your heart, impure motives, selfishness, responding to other people’s sin with sin of our own, dishonesty, stealing of any kind, legalism (trusting our own work instead of Jesus’ work), grieving the Holy Spirit, gossip, gluttony, anorexia, bulimia, disrespecting You, disrespecting our husbands, disrespecting people in positions of God-given authority, divisiveness, unbiblical divorce, sexual sin of any kind, loving with strings attached, trying to control other people, anxiety/fear/worry, stinginess, contention, complaining, arguing, and anything else that displeases You.

We also confess the sin of our church before You. The sin of our church leaders. The sin of our nation. They include all of the sins listed above and even more. Racism, sex trafficking, legalizing and funding abortion, the opioid crisis, dishonesty, injustice, corruption, scandals, sexual sin, abuse of God-given authority, removing God from our schools/government/businesses/homes. Calling evil good and good evil. Forsaking the Bible. Forsaking God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Misleading the people. Promoting lies. Embracing heresy and false teaching. And so many more that are too many to even list.

We come before You like Daniel did – pleading for Your mercy over ourselves, our families, the church, America, and the nations of the world. Not because we deserve mercy. We do not. But because of Your Name, Your character, and Your love. We implore You to forgive us of our sin and to heal our land before we are completely destroyed by our sin. Time appears to be very short, Lord. It seems like we are in the midst of the Great Falling Away that is to occur right before the 7 years of the Tribulation. And yet, we know You will reserve for Yourself a remnant until Jesus returns. Let us be part of that remnant and let many turn to You in one more Great Awakening! We long to see You work in great power in our generation and in our land.

If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 2 Chron. 7:14

How desperately we all need Your forgiveness and the blood of Jesus to cover our sin and to pay for this massive sin debt.

We hate our sin. We turn completely away from it. We don’t want to live like this anymore. We love You! We turn to You for forgiveness to cleanse us from our sin and to make us pure and holy in Your eyes. We want to live for Christ and in the power of Christ. We can’t do anything good in our strength. We need Your Spirit and all that Jesus has done for us already to make us right with You. We receive His finished work on the cross on our behalf. We receive our identity in Christ.

We ask You to raise each of us, our families, the readers here on this blog, and Your church to be a holy generation. Spirit-filled people. Walking in the power of Christ and doing Your will and bringing about Your kingdom every day in our midst. Cause us to become a faithful, obedient people for Your glory!

We come before You humbly, with reverent fear and awe as we think about who You are. The King of the universe. The Creator of all that exists. The sovereign Lord Almighty who holds every galaxy and subatomic particle in the palm of His hand. We think about Jesus, as He appears in heaven right now:

One like a son of man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire,  his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength. Revelation 1:13-16

REQUESTS FOR OURSELVES

  • Take 2018 – all of it. Every moment and every day. It is Yours. I give it to You to do with as You see fit. Each moment is a gift from You. I am simply a steward of it. I want to use all of this time for Your glory alone.
  • Take my life. All of it. I give You my health, my money, my family, my marriage, my career, my house, my possessions, my friends, my church, my extended family, my city, my state, my country, and my world. I yield it all before You on the altar in heaven. I want You to have control over all of these things, not me. You have all wisdom. You are sovereign. I am not. You are God. I am not. You are LORD. I am not. I am Your humble servant. You gave everything to me on the cross. You held back nothing. Now I have the honor and privilege of giving You all of myself, all that I am, all of my future, and all that belongs to me. I die to my old sinful self. I die to my will. I no longer seek my will, but Yours alone. I no longer seek my glory, but Your greatest glory! That is truly all that matters.
  • I want to receive Your Spirit – all of it. I want to receive the fullness of my salvation. You promise to give me the power I need to walk in the victory of Christ.
  • I want to live the full-strength version of the Gospel. I don’t want to live a wimpy, watered-down version of the Christian life that is powerless, feeble, and weak. I don’t want to walk in defeat all the time, constantly entangled by sin. I don’t want a worldly version of Christianity that pleases Satan and grieves You. I don’t want to embrace a  wimpy gospel that denies Your power. I want to live like Paul did. And Peter. And the apostles. I want to have faith like Stephen, like all the people in the Hebrews 11 Faith Hall of Fame. I want to live in the power of Your Spirit to have great faith and to experience Jesus’ victory in my daily life like George Mueller, Hudson Taylor, Ann Judson, Lottie Moon, Andrew Murray, E. M. Bounds, Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. I want to see You do HUGE things in my life and in the lives of those around me. I don’t want to miss out on a single provision or miracle that You want to do in my life – not for myself – but completely for Your glory. I am willing to do anything to have more and more of You.
  • Surround me with Your hedge of protection from Satan’s plans to steal, kill, and destroy my family and me. I resist the devil and yield myself to You. Place Your covering over me. You are my Shield and Fortress. You are my Rock and Defender. Set Your angels to stand guard over my life. Let Your Word and Your Spirit protect my husband, my children, our marriage, and myself from all of the fiery darts Satan plans to shoot at us. Help me to see the enemy’s strategies and not inadvertently allow myself to fall into his snares. I want to let You cleanse my life of anything that would give him a foothold.
  • I want to grow by leaps and bounds spiritually in 2018. I seek to feast on Your Word daily and be open to all that You want to show me. Only let Your Spirit teach me and reveal Your truth to me by the blazing power of the Light of Your Word. I want to absorb and receive every truth, every promise, every pearl of wisdom that You have for me. I want to drink in Your goodness continually. I want to receive every trial as a blessing by which I might grow in my faith in Christ. I want to count hardships as joy and as Your loving discipline. I am willing to learn to practice fasting. I want to be as close to You as possible. Teach me. Guide me. Lead me. Give me ears to hear and eyes to see all that You have in store for me.
  • I want my life to overflow with the fruit of Your Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23) in all of my relationships.
  • I want to know You more and to experience more and more of Your Spirit, Your presence, Your love, Your healing, Your goodness, and Your truth in my daily life.
  • I want to please You more than anything. I want to be a God-pleaser not a people-pleaser. I want my life to bring You great joy.

REQUESTS FOR OUR HUSBANDS, CHILDREN, AND FAMILIES

  • Bring each one who is still lost into the Kingdom of Christ Jesus!
  • Let Your Spirit pour out in great power over my family this year to accomplish Your purposes and Your will.
  • Let my husband, my children, and my extended family be transformed and regenerated by the power of the Holy Spirit.
  • Give my husband and children a deep hunger and thirst for You, Your Word, and Your presence.
  • Expose any wrong thinking, lies, or sin in our family this year that we might repent and turn wholeheartedly to You alone.
  • Cleanse us of any spiritual poison and let us crave the pure milk of the Word and receive Your goodness.
  • Help us to recognize that people are not our enemies. We have enemies, but they are spiritual and unseen and we must use heavenly weapons to fight them, not worldly ones.
  • Help me to create an atmosphere where Your Spirit and my family members feel welcome, safe, loved, protected, and at peace and where Satan and his demons feel very uncomfortable.
  • Let our homes and hearts and minds be filled with Your praises, with thanksgiving, with Your Word, with Your presence, and with Your Spirit of unity, love, and peace.
  • Grant my husband the wisdom and discernment he needs to lead our family well according to Your will.
  • Let me bless my husband and children and speak Your Life to them, living as a godly example to them – not in my power, but in Your power alone.

We invite Your Spirit to enter into our homes full blast. Bring the spiritually dead to life. Cause those who are spiritually oppressed and sick to be raised up in Your strength and in spiritual health. We invite You and implore You to do all that You want to do in our midst in 2018 – in our homes, our families, our extended families, at our jobs, in our coworkers’ lives, and in our churches. Strengthen the persecuted church. Fill them to overflowing with Your Spirit. Use us to help provide for them materially. Use them to accomplish Your purposes and to bring many to Christ Jesus even in the face of the most fierce persecution and warfare. Thank You that You are doing that and that so many are coming to Christ in Muslim countries and in areas where believers are severely oppressed. Thank You that You have not left them or us as orphans. Prepare and equip us all for the persecution we will face as we live boldly for You.

We rejoice in Your provision. We rest in Your love and sovereignty.

Lord, we praise and thank You for all that You have done, all that You are doing, and all that You will do this year. We consecrate ourselves and our families to You. We rejoice and delight in You and in Your will for all of us!

Amen!

SHARE:

If you’d like to share a prayer for our sisters (and brothers) here in Christ in the comments, you are welcome to.

If you believe God is calling you to be a prayer warrior for this ministry, please let me know in the comments if you are interested in joining my email prayer team and I will get in touch with you to discuss things with you.

RESOURCES:

If you are interested in more posts about how to pray, check out these posts.

10 Reasons to Consider Fasting

Lord, I Don’t Want to Do Your Will

Dying to Self

25 Ways to Reverence God

Are You Giving the Enemy Authority in Your Life?

Yielding to the Lordship of Christ

If you want to go much deeper spiritually with Christ, check out these classics:

E. M. Bounds – The Necessity of Prayer (free PDF download and audio version)

Andrew Murray – Absolute Surrender (free PDF download and audio version)

 

How Can I Know God’s Will for Me?

Photo by Jurica Koletić on Unsplash

Sometimes, I think that we tend to assume that the most important things about God’s will are the external things. The decisions we make about who to marry, what job to take, what house to buy, what school the kids should attend, etc… But it is my belief that those things, though important, are quite secondary in God’s eyes to the condition of our heart, our motives, our thought lives, our obedience to His Word, our faith, our trust in Him, and our abiding in Him.

I believe that as we invite God to purge and purify us of all sin and unbiblical thinking, as we yield ourselves to the Lordship of Christ, as we feast on His Word, as we enter into praise, thanksgiving, confession of sin, and praying for our spiritual growth and for the needs of others and ourselves – He will lead us in all these other things.

If we want to know God’s will about the things that are not in Scripture, first, we must make it our goal to know – and obey – the things that God clearly declares to be His will for us in the Word.

If we will not obey His will in areas where He has clearly stated His will, we will not be able to discern His voice in the other areas. He only shares more of His secret will with those who honor His revealed will in Scripture. But the amazing thing is, as we are willing to allow His Spirit to empower us to obey the things we can clearly see in the Bible, He allows us to hear His voice more and more clearly about all of the other decisions we face.

 

GEORGE MUELLER’S APPROACH

George Mueller, arguably, had one of the most powerful prayer lives in Christian history. He founded an orphanage in England in the 1800s for the primary purpose of displaying to Christians how God is able to provide for those who trust Him and obey Him. Over his lifetime, without ever asking any person for money, God provided for him to care for thousands of orphans. Check out a bit of his story here.

1.—I seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to a given matter. Nine-tenths of the trouble with people is just here. Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the Lord’s Will, whatever it may be. When one is truly in this state, it is usually but a little way to the knowledge of what His will is.

2.—Having done this, I do not leave the result to feeling or simple impression. If so, I make myself liable to great delusions.

3.—I seek the Will of the Spirit of God through, or in connection with, the Word of God. The Spirit and the Word must be combined. If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions also. If the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them.

4.—Next I take into account providential circumstances. These often plainly indicate God’s Will in connection with His Word and Spirit.

5.—I ask God in prayer to reveal His Will to me aright.

6.—Thus, through prayer to God, the study of the Word, and reflection, I come to a deliberate judgment according to the best of my ability and knowledge, and if my mind is thus at peace, and continues so after two or three more petitions, I proceed accordingly. In trivial matters, and in transactions involving most important issues, I have found this method always effective.

 

WHAT DOES SCRIPTURE SAY?

God gives us many clear commands to help us know His will. This link shares a list of the commands of the New Testament. It is a great chart and resource.

(NOTE – I have not read all the other pages on the rest of this site, so I am not claiming to endorse anything else there. Thanks for understanding.)

Here are some examples of things that are clearly God’s will for us all as believers in Christ:

  • Who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. 1 Tim. 2:4
  • Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matt. 22:36-40
  • Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thess. 5:18
  • For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. 1 Pet. 2:15
  • For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality… 1 Thess. 4:3
  • Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Matt. 6:10
  • He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8
  • But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matt. 6:33

 

RELATED

How Can I Stay Filled with the Holy Spirit?

Submission (to Christ) Means We Hold the Things of This World Loosely

Why Should I Trust God? Why Should I Submit to His Lordship?

Finding God’s Will – posts by John Piper

 

Am I “Too Chatty” with My Husband?

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

Ladies,

This is another one of those topics where the key is balance. It is entirely possible to be way too talkative. It is also entirely possible to be way too quiet. Of course, what you talk about or avoid talking about also matters.

When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is prudent. Prov. 10:19 CSB

How I used to hate that verse! Probably because I talked almost non-stop. But – now I recognize it is very true. I believe that it can be wise to look at my motives and expectations every now and then if I find myself wanting to talk a lot.

Note – I am going to be speaking in generalizations, by necessity in a post like this. Your relationship may not always follow every generalization and that is totally fine!

WHY DO I WANT TO TALK WITH MY HUSBAND?

Some Not-So-Productive Reasons

If these are the reasons I want to talk with my husband, I need to go to the Lord and deal with any sin or wrong motives in my heart first. Then I can consider talking with my husband when I have taken care of my spiritual issues and I am filled with the Spirit rather than controlled by my flesh.

 

Some Great Reasons

  • I want to bond and connect with words for awhile. But I realize he may not bond this way and I know how much listening and talking he can realistically handle and I respect that.
  • There is important information I need/want to share with him.
  • I am looking to him for his wisdom and advice about an issue I am having.
  • I want to brainstorm with him about some plans.
  • I want to hear about things that are important to him.
  • I want to learn more about his perspective, masculine world, and mindset.
  • I have some legitimate concerns to share respectfully with him.
  • I want to humbly, respectfully, prayerfully confront him about his sin.
  • I want to ask him respectfully for something.
  • I want to talk with him to process my feelings and thoughts about something.
  • I feel lonely and want to feel closer to him – but I know that my primary security and contentment is in the Lord.
  • I want to build him up, bless, affirm, respect, and honor him.
  • I want to connect with him spiritually – if he is open and receptive to that, but if he is not, I can handle that graciously.
  • I want to enjoy his company and be his friend.

A FEW MORE THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND

  1. When I want to talk to someone, I need to remember my audience.
  • Avoid topics he doesn’t really like.
  • Respect his preferences if he doesn’t want to talk about the news or something that is upsetting to him.
  • Focus more on things he enjoys.

2. Everyone has different preferences about how much they like to talk and listen.

  • If he is an introvert, you may want to keep conversations brief. He may actually enjoy some silence.
  • If he is an extrovert, he may enjoy longer talks, especially about things he likes.

3. There are times when it may be better not to have a deep, emotional, intense discussion.

  • One or both of you is sick, very hungry, or in significant pain – the flesh is weak.
  • You are hormonal.
  • It is late at night.
  • One or both of you is completely exhausted.
  • There is a very stressful situation.
  • He is watching his favorite football team.
  • He is working on a plumbing problem and trying to concentrate.
  • He doesn’t seem receptive.
  • You are in “flesh mode.”

4. Men sometimes associate talking with painful things like:

  • “There is a problem.”
  • “You are the problem.”

Not with:

  • “We are connecting and bonding.”

If you can make talking with you a pleasant, friendly thing, he may enjoy it more. 😉

5. If you just want him to listen, not to solve any problems, let him know that up front.

Give him a respectful heads up about that he is helping you by just listening for 10 minutes while you process your thoughts verbally. Most guys (not all, but most, in my understanding) don’t have this need and will feel like they need to fix things if we are sad or upset. If they know that just listening does help us feel better, and we show that we feel better after they listen, that can encourage them to want to listen more often.

6. A lot of men don’t really enjoy hearing every detail about our hobbies, friends, family, shopping experiences, etc…

We can sometimes easily overload them with a lot of minutia that may not be particularly engaging to them.

7. Men and women tend to talk differently.

  • Women tend to bond by talking face-to-face with words.
  • Men tend to bond by doing things together shoulder-to-shoulder, not face-to-face.

Face-to-face can feel rather emotionally intimidating to men at times. If you are watching them constantly, it can make them feel emotionally “naked” or extra vulnerable. They tend to bond just by being together and having shared experiences, or they may love to bond through sex with their wives. Just because he doesn’t bond in the same way doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to bond with you. Try to do some things that help you feel bonded and some things that help him bond his way.

For details about the research behind these tips, check out Shaunti Feldhahn’s best-selling book, “For Women Only.”

SCRIPTURE:

Verses about talking too much

Verses about the wisdom of silence

COMING UP:

I hope to share on these topics in the next few weeks:

  • What to do when you really need another outlet for talking.
  • How to tell if you are too quiet with your husband.

 

SHARE:

What wisdom has God given you about this topic that may be a blessing to other wives? What struggles do you have in this area?

 

Much love!

RELATED:

Being Married to a Man Who Doesn’t Talk Much

Being Married to a Man Who Is Emotionally/Spiritually Shut Down

“We Need to Talk!”

Husbands and Emotions – multiple post links

A Silent Husband Shares His Heart

I Wish My Husband Would Pray with Me More

When Your Husband Needs Space

A Fellow Wife Thinks about Giving Space

How to Ask Your Man for Things Respectfully

How to Be a Safe Place for Your Husband Emotionally

 

“I Wish I Could Be a Homemaker Full-Time.”

Before we address this painful issue, that is such a sensitive one for so many wives, let’s go over some basics.
(Note – if you are in the opposite situation, I have a post for wives who want to work but whose husbands would like for them to be home.)
GOD’S AUTHORITY STRUCTURE IN OUR LIVES
Definitions:
  • The world defines authority as – tyranny, abuse, selfishness, lording power over others.
  • God defines authority as – shepherding, bringing order to society, nurturing others, providing for them according to God’s will, loving them, taking good care of them in a humble, selfless, sacrificial Christlike way.
  • The world defines submission as – slavery, being a second class citizen, having less value as a person, being a doormat.
  • God defines submission as – a voluntary willingness to recognize God’s ways and His wisdom and to accomplish His will by cooperating with His directives.
  • Positional authority – a person in a position of authority, like king, president, manager, husband, parent, or pastor.
  • Influential authority – a person who may influence the person in the position of authority like an advisor to a king, a deacon board to a pastor, an assistant manager to a manager, or a wife to a husband.
 
The way God works out His will in our lives is that He uses people in positions of “delegated authority” to help accomplish His purposes. He is the “direct authority.” But He gives His authority to certain people to help accomplish His plan. There are people like this in leadership positions in every area of our lives – at work, in the government, at church, and in the family (husbands and parents).
By God’s design, He chooses to lead us through imperfect people in positions of leadership.
 
If we are seeking the Lord’s will and yielded to His Lordship, part of what we will do is submit to human delegated authorities in our lives (unless they are clearly trying to lead us to violate God’s Word and principles).
 
God’s design for marriage is that the husband is in the position of “leader.” He is in the driver’s seat. Not because he is more important, more talented, smarter, or more valuable. Just because this is God’s design and His appointment to accomplish the picture He wants to accomplish in marriage.
  • The husband is supposed to represent Christ and His selfless, unconditional love, sacrifice, humility, wisdom, and servant hearted leadership.
  • The wife is supposed to represent the church in its relationship to Jesus in the way the wife honors, respects, and follows the leadership of her husband.
  • This portrays the gospel to the world  – and to our children. (Eph. 5:22-33)
If we usurp our husband or rebel against his leadership, we malign the gospel of Christ. (Titus 2:3-5) This is a weighty matter – of infinitely more significance than whether I work outside of the home or not right now.
Also, our children learn how to submit to authorities in their lives, including ourselves and our husbands, by watching our example of how we honor their dad’s authority.
 
MY SUGGESTIONS FOR A WIFE WHO WANTS TO BE HOME BUT HAS TO WORK RIGHT NOW
  • For financial reasons.
  • Because your husband wants you to work.
  • Because you don’t have a choice due to circumstances.
1. Submit first to the Lordship of Christ Jesus.
Be completely yielded to Him, His will, His purposes, and His glory being accomplished in your life. Trust Him fully to lead you. Be willing to lay down your greatest dreams, desires, and fears before Him. Trust Him with them all and allow Him to do what He believes is best in your life. Seek His will far above your own will. This is “dying to self” or “taking up your cross.” Be willing to be content in Christ whether you work outside the home or not.
 
Give all of yourself – your body, your gifts, your abilities, your talents, your intelligence, your health, your time, your money, your resources completely to the Lord. Consecrate yourself and your life to Him. Hold your dreams loosely in your hands. Commit to doing whatever He desires you to do with all your heart in service to Him alone. When you have such an attitude, He will open doors that you can’t begin to imagine. Doors to opportunities that are infinitely better than your personal plans and dreams.
 
2. Submit second to the God-given leadership of your husband.
Your trust is ultimately in the Lord to lead you through this man, even though your husband is not perfect and he may not even be close to the Lord at this time. (If you are not yet married, please don’t marry a man who is not fully seeking to live for Christ as Lord on his own.) God is able to lead us in His will for us as we honor the leadership of those He has placed in our lives. God led Israel through Moses’ leadership. The people could not get to the Promised Land unless they honored and cooperated with Moses. It is the same for us. We can’t live in the center of God’s will if we live in rebellion against God’s authority structure in our lives at home, at church, at work, or in the government (unless the authorities are asking us to rebel against the Lord).
 
You cannot accomplish God’s will for your life if you rebel against your husband – or any other God-given leader in your life (unless they are asking you to rebel against the Lord).
 
Honor your husband’s request for you to work. Respectfully speak up about your limitations and needs. You can share your heart on the matter and say something like:
 
  • “Honey, I would really love to be home. It would be my dream to be home to take care of you and our family all the time. But I know that you are the head of our home by God’s design and I will honor your desire for me to work if you believe that is best for us.”
  • “If me working is the most important thing to you so that I can contribute financially, I will do my best to support your decision, even though I believe it would be most honoring to the Lord for me to be your helpmeet at home. I do need to let you know that I can’t work full-time and do all/most of the chores, cooking, shopping, and child care. That is too much for one person. I will still need time for things that are most important like God, you (and sex with you), the kids, exercise, and time to rest. Balance is going to be much more difficult if I am working full-time. So I would love to talk about how we might want to handle chores and household responsibilities so that neither of us are overworked or overwhelmed. I’d like to know that we can continue to touch base and negotiate together if there are issues in the future.”

You could also suggest a part-time job that may help you have greater balance between helping financially and keeping the house and children. Of course – there may be emergency situations where there isn’t a choice and a wife may have to handle everything, at least for a time.

NOTE – If your husband suggests that he stay home full-time and do the chores and child care and that you work full-time, let’s talk about that together before you agree to it. 🙂

 
3. Pray.
Invite the Lord to work. Ask for His will. Ask for Him to open doors and change your husband’s heart if it is His will. Invite Him to change the circumstances and provide more opportunities for your husband to bring in more income to feel confident to be the sole provider. Invite Him to change your heart and perspective.
4. Examine your motives and approach.
Be willing to examine your spending and expectations of lifestyle. Are you willing to give up eating out, vacations, frequent trips to the salon, fancy new designer clothes, expensive make-up, extravagant purchases, etc…? Have you been asking for a bigger, more expensive house or car? Let your husband know you can be content without those things if being a homemaker is what you believe the Lord is calling you to do. Perhaps your husband would feel better about being the sole provider if you are content with much less materially?  One reason some husbands feel their wives need to work, too, is because their wives talk about wanting bigger, more expensive houses, vacations, or cars. If those things aren’t really that important to you, your husband needs to know that you would be much more content with less things materially and that you are willing to stick to a realistic budget if you are only living on his income.
Go through the budget together and evaluate whether you working really does help a lot financially and whether it is worth the price. Write down all of the costs associated with your working: career wardrobe, gas, day care, eating out more because everyone is too tired to cook, less time to shop and cook so more expensive things are bought that are more convenient, time involved, etc…
5. Embrace the opportunity to be at work.
Thank God for having the opportunity to work if this is His will for you. Own it. Receive it. Decide that you are going to make the absolute most of this opportunity. Invite God into your home and into your work life. Invite Him to help you make both places sanctuaries of peace, welcome, hospitality, warmth, joy, love, and blessing. Ask Him to do big things in both places and invite His greatest glory into your home and work place.
 
Determine to use this time to seek the Lord wholeheartedly and to develop a much stronger walk with Him. Invite Him to show you what He wants to do in your life in this time and what He wants to teach you. Use this time to really seek God’s will and His glory for yourself, your family, and your work place. Be available to be an instrument in God’s hand to bless your family and coworkers/customers richly.
 
5. Avoid harboring jealousy, bitterness, or a critical spirit.
It’s easy to be jealous of women who stay home if you wish you could stay home. It’s also easy to harbor bitterness and resentment toward God or your husband if you don’t get to do what you want to do at the time. That is unproductive and toxic. Focus on being thankful for the situation the Lord has given you and on what He is calling you to do at this time.
And, as a reader mentioned, let’s also avoid judging other women who make different decisions. All of us get criticized no matter what choices we make in this area. That is hurtful. Let’s love, encourage, and seek to bless one another. Being a wife and mom is hard. Let’s not assume we know every mom’s motives or what is best for each family’s situation. We each answer to the Lord for these decisions, not to each other.
 
6. Remember that the dream of  being home all the time can easily become an idol.
Any dream or desire can become more important to us than our love for the Lord if we are not careful. Be sure to seek Christ first far above all else. Let Jesus lead you. Be content in whatever place He decides is best. Whether we are fulfilled or not is not really about our circumstances. It is mostly a matter of our attitude, our faith in God, and our willingness to develop a heart of thanksgiving. (Phil. 4:4-8, 12-13)
7. Savor the waiting.
Often, the waiting is the most important part of the answer to prayer. It is in the waiting that you learn to develop stronger faith and learn to trust God in spite of your circumstances. Check out “Waiting Becomes Sweet.” God may have reasons we will not understand until later for the delay or for leading us into a certain place
8. Remember that you are responsible for your thoughts, attitudes, words, emotions, and actions.
Realize that how you think, act, and respond to this situation is about whether the Spirit of God is filling you or your flesh is in control. Invite Him to intervene and see what He wants to do. Be open to the spiritual pruning and refining that He has in store for you first to help you become much stronger in your faith.
Sometimes life is hard and there aren’t any easy answers.
It is in those moments that God often tests and grows our faith the most. We don’t know all that the Lord knows. We don’t know what He may be sparing us and our families from when He leads us in a particular way. We don’t know all of the blessings He has in store as we yield to His will. Our job is not to understand it all ahead of time but to trust Him completely to do what is ultimately best for our families, ourselves, and God’s kingdom in light of eternity.
 
Much love!

SHARE

If you have words of godly wisdom to share with other wives who are struggling in this area, please do! And if you are having a hard time with this issue, you are welcome to share in the comments. We can hash through some of these hard things together.

RELATED

The Life Ready Woman by Shaunti Feldhahn

Spiritual Authority – by a minister at my church

A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage

My Posts on Biblical Submission 

What Is Godly Spiritual Leadership?

Posts about Husbands and Leading

 

 

%d bloggers like this: