Six Scenarios Where We May Need to Break Contact with Others

woman standing at edge of dock on lake

This post is one I have been working on for awhile. I had some questions about this last week, as well. It is one of my least favorite topics ever! But it is important.

Breaking contact with people is something I do NOT enjoy doing.

Like – I REALLY, REALLY do not like having to do this. It’s painful. It’s heartbreaking. I want to just be able to work through things with others. I try to assume the best about others and try to be willing to reconcile. Most of the time, we can pray through conflicts and work through them successfully with others.

Sadly, breaking (or minimizing) contact with people in certain situations is necessary in this fallen world.

I have learned (the hard way – many, many times) that if I don’t stop communication with someone when I really should, I end up paying a steep price. Sometimes, my marriage and children also pay a high price. My ministry to other people suffers. And often, the person I wanted so much to help is harmed, as well.

This is exactly why I need God’s wisdom.

There is a delicate balance here. We are to love people with God’s unconditional love. We are to be kind, forgiving, gentle, gracious, merciful, and patient.

In life, some conflict is inevitable in following Christ and in human relationships. Just because there is conflict or I am sinned against doesn’t usually mean I should stop talking with someone. Most of the time, we can work things out, thankfully.

Of course, if there are things I can do on my end to repent of any sin in my life, I need to do that first (Matt. 5:23-24, Matt. 7:1-5).

But in certain situations – we just cannot have real peace with some people – unless something dramatic changes first on their end.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Rom. 12:18

Sometimes the situation doesn’t depend on me. Sometimes there is nothing I can do to correct the problem on my end.

If God gives me instructions about avoiding someone with a certain kind of spirit or behavior, I would do well to obey and trust God with the outcome.

Yes, even if I don’t like what He is asking me to do. It is for my own good – and, just as importantly, the good of everyone else involved.

Let’s see what Scripture has to say.

Here are six scenarios when we may need to break or minimize contact with others:

ONE

When a professing believer refuses to repent of significant sin.

Major unrepentant sin for a professing believer sets that person under God’s discipline. It hurts our witness to continue in fellowship with such a one. Those who belong to Christ should not be able to be content in sin.

  • If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.  If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Matt. 18:15-17
  • But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. 1 Cor. 5:11
  • Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. 2 Thess. 3:6

TWO

When someone is trying to tempt us into sin.

We don’t play with temptation. We flee from it. Especially from idolatry and sexual immorality.

  • Let not your heart turn aside to (the adulteress’) ways; do not stray into her paths, for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. Prov. 7:25-26 (Same is true for women, we should avoid men who are adulterers.)
  • Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Cor. 6:18
  • Flee from idolatry. 1 Cor. 10:14
  • Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Tim. 2:22

THREE

When our husband asks us not to have contact with someone.

A husband generally does this to try to protect his wife, children, and marriage from situations like:

  • Men who are flirting or acting in inappropriate ways.
  • People who consume too much of his wife’s or family’s time.
  • People who are stressing his wife/children/himself out.
  • People who are toxic to be around.
  • People who can’t be reasoned with.
  • People who are very emotionally or verbally abusive.
  • People who make threats against someone in the family.
  • Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Col. 3:18-19
  • Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Eph. 5:22,33

Of course, sometimes we may see these issues ourselves and decide we need to break contact before our husband says anything.

Please search my blog for the word “submit” and “submission” to see many posts about what that means and what it doesn’t mean. It does not mean slavery, abuse, or Fifty Shades of Gray! It does not mean BDSM or CDD.

It is about a wife honoring her husband’s God-given leadership unless he asks her to clearly sin because God intends to lead, protect, and provide for her through him in certain ways. (See this post for times I would not submit to my husband.)

An exception to honoring your husband’s request not to talk with others would be if he is abusive and he is trying to isolate you and harm you. In a situation like that, or if he is not in his right mind, he’s drunk, high, or otherwise dangerous, please reach out for appropriate, qualified, trustworthy help. Talk with the police, check out resources at your church, talk with a trusted, experienced counselor, or contact The Hotline if it is safe for you to do so.

FOUR

With a foolish, divisive, or hot-tempered person, a gossip, or a slanderer.

These sins are contagious and poisonous. We must choose our friends, mentors, and influences wisely.

  • Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Prov. 13:20
  • Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. Prov. 20:19
  • Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. Prov. 22:24-25
  • I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our LORD Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. Rom. 16:17-18
  • Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. Titus 3:10

FIVE

When a person is clearly a false teacher.

Sheep should not try to have discussions with wolves. The only sane thing for a sheep is to run away to the protection of the Good Shepherd.

  • Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them… A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Matt. 7:15-20
  • For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect. Matt. 24:24
  • I know that… fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. Acts 20:29-30
  • See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. Col. 2:8
  • If anyone teaches a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that accords with godliness, he is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction among people who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain. 1 Tim. 6:3-5
  • Guard the deposit entrusted to you. Avoid the irreverent babble and contradictions of what is falsely called “knowledge,” for by professing it some have swerved from the faith. 1 Tim. 6:20-21
  • But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. 2 Pet. 2:1
  • I say this because many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist. Watch out that you do not lose what we have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully. Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son. If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take them into your house or welcome them.  Anyone who welcomes them shares in their wicked work. 1 John 1:7-11
  • Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world. 1 John 4:1-3

SIX

With those who refuse the gospel, “dogs,” or “swine.”

There is a time to share the Gospel and the love and power of God. Our goal is to share it with every living soul on the planet. But there is also a time to stop when someone is hostile or unreceptive and move on.

GotQuestions.org has a great explanation:

“Jesus uses dogs and pigs as representative of those who would ridicule, reject, and blaspheme the gospel once it is presented to them.”

  • And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. Truly, I say to you, it will be more bearable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than for that town. Matt. 10:14-15
  • And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.” Mark 6:11
  • Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matt. 7:6-7
  • In the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 1 Tim. 3:1-5

Should we never have contact with any of these people in these six scenarios again?

Sometimes we need to break contact just temporarily, until the other person repents and rebuilds trust on his/her side. Sometimes we must wait until they come to Christ and the Spirit opens their eyes. Sometimes our husbands change their minds about people. Of course, there are also times, unfortunately, when people do not change.

Our prayer is always for them to be reconciled to God, to the Body of Christ, and to us.

It’s important for me to remember that Jesus is the Savior and the Holy Spirit opens people’s eyes. I am not the savior of humanity. And I can’t even open my own eyes. If I stay and try to force someone to understand rather than relying on the Spirit, I will cause harm.

Our motives must always be wholehearted love for God, death to our sinful self, repentance from our own sin, obedience to the Lord in the power of the Spirit, and love for others. God’s kind of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 agape love. We must be careful not to do things out of hatred, bitterness, sinful anger, malice, or resentment.

When I do obey the Lord and don’t allow certain very toxic people into my life, I get to enjoy a whole lot more peace, I am less distracted by drama, temptation, false teaching, and snares from the enemy, and I can focus much more on Christ and all that He calls me to do. 

We need the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, God’s Word, prayer, and sometimes wise counsel from our husband or an appropriate godly mentor. These situations can get dicey quickly. So we want to lean on God not our own understanding.

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Is this topic difficult for you, too? What general godly wisdom have you learned that you would like to share?

AN IMPORTANT REQUEST

Let’s not share specific situations here.

A public forum like this is not an appropriate place to spill a lot of details about how someone mistreated us. Let’s go to the Lord, our own husbands, or other trusted counselors, in private, if we aren’t sure what to do.

If you need private counseling, please check out these resources:

  • Focus on the Family offers a one time free counseling consultation and counselor’s referral service.

Thanks so much! <3

NOTE

Sometimes we are in a very close relationship with someone and it may not be possible to completely break contact. This is all going to require God’s wisdom and His leading for us in specific situations. I don’t know what every person should do in every possible scenario. But God does.

We need His discernment, His mind, His power, His Spirit, and His heart. Sometimes, we may have to speak to people out of necessity. We can be respectful. We can have loving motives toward them. But we may have to set firm limits as the Word of God and the Spirit lead us.

May the Lord grant each of us the wisdom, love, and discernment we need.

MY NEXT POST

The next post in this series is about the opposite situation, “What If You Want Your Husband to Cut Ties with Someone?”

And the post after that is about “What If Your Husband Doesn’t Care about Your Feelings?”

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God Always Answers This Kind of Prayer

Precious sisters in Christ,

We all want God to hear and respond to our prayers for ourselves, our families, and everything else. Sometimes, we feel that God is not listening and that is incredibly discouraging. How can we know if He is really listening? Thankfully, the Bible doesn’t hide the truth from us but reveals how we are to approach God so that we can know we will be heard.

Lord,

Speak to each of our hearts today in these quiet moments. Draw us to Your loving heart. Show us the areas where You want to cleanse us from things that hurt us. Help us to be sensitive to Your Word and Your Spirit. Transform us by Your power. Make us into godly, holy, peaceful women who love You far more than anything or anyone in this world. Pour Your abundant Life and love into us and through us. Make us fruitful for Your kingdom in every area of our lives for Your glory!

Amen!

There are times God doesn’t listen to our prayers.

Of course God is omnipresent and omniscient. So He knows what we are doing, thinking, and praying. It’s not that he literally “can’t hear us.” But He doesn’t always listen and respond to us. The Bible speaks to this issue in verses like:

  • If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. Ps. 66:18
  • If one turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination. Prov. 28:9
  • Then they will cry to the Lord, but he will not answer them; he will hide his face from them at that time, because they have made their deeds evil. Micah 3:4
  • For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. 1 Pet. 3:12
  • You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. James 4:3

God is absolutely holy. If we come to Him, we must first be willing to give up anything He calls sin.

If we come to Him with sinful and selfish motives, or if we are coddling sin in our hearts (any kind of sin), we are not approaching Him properly. He has given us the means to approach Him rightly through Jesus and His finished work on the cross and through the resurrection. And He has given us instructions in His Word about the prerequisites He reqiures for us to approach Him in the Holy of holies.

God Will Always Hear This

If we invite God to show us sin in our lives so that we can repent, He will always answer this prayer.

This is how I got started on my journey 10.5 years ago, actually. I had been praying (demanding) for God to change my husband for over 14 years. But on October 12, 2008, I realized there were serious problems in our marriage. I thought I had been an amazing Christian wife up until that point. For the first time, I humbled myself and laid literally on my face on the floor for 3 days before God in utter desperation, begging Him to show me my sin and to show me if I was doing anything that contributed to the sad state of our marriage.

Within 6 weeks, He opened my eyes to the mountain of sin in my own life to which I had been completely blind for years.

Then I begged Him to change me. I stopped making prideful and self-righteous demands about Greg. I was broken and mortified over my sin and just wanted God to take away my sin and change and heal my life. I consciously decided to completely trust God instead of self. I stepped down off of the “throne” in my life and invited Jesus to sit in His rightful place. It was terrifying, at first. I felt like I was jumping off of a spiritual cliff. But to put all my faith in Christ and to yield to His Lordship over every area of my life brought healing, life, joy, peace, and abundant spiritual blessings over the past ten years. That decision invited the victory and glory and power of God into my life.

He always listens to a sinner who wants to forsake sin and yield his life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

Praise God! If we humbly pray to ask God to forgive us for our sins and entreat Him to help us in our weaknesses and temptations from a pure heart, simply longing to love and know Him more, He will answer such a prayer.

Prayers God promises to hear:

  • And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25
  • If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. John 15:7
  • Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16
  • If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
  • And whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. 1 John 3:22
  • And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 1 John 5:14
  • And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Heb. 11:6

When we are willing to get rid of all spiritual poison in our lives, and we intensely desire to live holy, righteous lives through Christ, God tunes His ears to our prayers. When we put our faith in God and in the salvation He provides to us through Jesus, He hears us. When we decide to trust His Word and depend on His wisdom and His truth rather than our own understanding, He turns His hearts toward us. When we are willing to ask God to help us forgive others, He forgives us.

When we lay down all of ourselves, all of our hopes and dreams, all that we own, and all of our future and entrust ourselves completely to Him, He gives all of Himself to us. When we long to walk and live in obedience to Him (yielded to the power of the Holy Spirit) out of love, awe, and gratitude for His amazing love and unfathomable provision for us through Jesus, He joyfully receives us. And when we genuinely seek His presence, His glory, His pleasure, and His will far above anything and anyone else, He delights in working all things, the good and the bad in our lives, for our ultimate good and His glory.

Of course, the timing and exactly how He answers is entirely up to Him.

If you want God to work powerfully, mightily, and miraculously in your life and family, if you want His divine healing, if You want to see His miracles, it begins with a willingness to turn away from toxic things that lead to spiritual death and to turn fully to Jesus and the new Life He has for you.

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We’d love to hear about how God answered your prayers or times you have felt stuck.

 

Much love!

 

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Top 5 Pitfalls on This Journey

 

 

Cultivate a Spirit of Gratitude in Your Marriage

Part of a mural Greg painted when I was pregnant with our son.

I invite you to think back to some of the sweetest things your husband has ever done for you. Big things and small things. Write them down somewhere special. Then think about your husband’s strengths and anything you can imagine to be thankful for about concerning him.

It’s easy to get hung up on the little annoying things. The enemy would love for us to take that wide path to discontentment. But we will have much more joy, peace, and contentment as we focus on the blessings we have. As the saying goes, “Whatever you focus on grows.”

Maybe you’d even like to start a list in your prayer journal or in your phone. And every time you think of another good thing, you may want to add it.

Everyone will have different things. That’s okay! We don’t need to compare husbands with each other. But let’s commit to focusing on the good things we see in our own men as we seek to develop grateful hearts.

  • Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Phil. 4:8
  • Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thess. 5:18

We are at our best spiritually when we focus primarily on positive, good things about our husbands, our children, God, our homes, our bodies, ourselves, life, etc…

Much love, dear sisters!

 

Note – This doesn’t mean we ignore sin or don’t address it properly. We do need to address sin in godly, humble, respectful ways. We need others to lovingly, respectfully address sin in our lives, too. If there are very serious issues in your marriage, please reach out for experienced, godly, trustworthy help in your area, if at all possible.

Verses about Thankfulness

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How do you like to cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving in your life and marriage? <3

 

PICTURE:

When I was pregnant with our son, who is now a rising high school senior, my husband painted a beautiful mural of our town. We no longer live in that house. It was so hard to leave it! But I can still think back and appreciate the projects my husband did to show his love.
Image may contain: indoor

My Pro-Life and Pro-Love Story (by Nneka Simone)

Photo by Bethany Beck on Unsplash

A guest post by Nneka Simone. I appreciate her vulnerability and willingness to share her story on this incredibly important topic. May we all be reminded of the sanctity and value of every human life, no matter how small:

My Story

God designed the beautiful act of sex to unite husbands and wives and to bring forth children. Having been raised in my faith, I knew that sex before marriage was a sin and I was passionately determined to avoid it at all costs. I read loads of books about purity and chastity, distributed chastity material to teenagers in my church, and even gave chastity talks.

However, one night, my boyfriend and I fell down the slippery slope of temptation and I got pregnant that very first time.

As a well-known woman in my church community, I was ashamed of the pregnancy and knew that I looked like a liar and a hypocrite. Some people lost respect for me and stopped speaking to me. More importantly, I felt ashamed before God because I knew that I had grieved his heart. I humbly turned to my loving Saviour and genuinely repented of my sin and willingly received His compassion and forgiveness.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

From the moment I discovered that I was pregnant, I did everything I could do to protect, love, and care for my child. I never gave abortion a thought. I knew it was a violent act of murder to a helpless, vulnerable, and precious child of God.

A picture of the Nneka Simone’s sweet baby boy!

Motherhood Has Been a Blessing

My son is a wonderful, loving, and delightful child who enjoys every moment of his life. God has blessed me with a loving heart to nurture him and the financial means to provide for him. God also nurtured my relationship with my child’s father and we had a beautiful and simple wedding when our son was 6 months old.

Although motherhood is challenging and demanding in many ways, my son is a wonderful gift from God.  I’m sharing my story in this post as an act of thanksgiving to God for his generous mercy and for the life of my son. I pray that it will be instrumental in helping women to appreciate their fertility and value their children.

Satan’s Evil Agenda for Women

Satan has had an agenda to deceive, manipulate and mislead women from the beginning of time. Satan went after Eve in the garden because he knows the power and influence women have over men, children, families, and society.

Today, women are being encouraged to:

  • See our own babies as burdens and inconveniences, rather than blessings and gifts from God.
  • Seek satisfaction only in our academic and career accomplishments, rather than in raising children and caring for a family.
  • View duties related to marriage and family life as oppressive, rather than loving acts of sacrifice that bring glory to God.
  • See sexual activity as something that is solely for our personal pleasure (apart from marriage or childbearing), rather than a gift from God that fosters emotional bonds in marriage and brings forth children.
  • See our ability to conceive as a burden and a curse, rather than a gift and a blessing.
  • Render ourselves infertile through contraception, rather than appreciating and valuing our ability to nurture life.
  • See abortion as a right that gives women freedom and happiness, rather than an act of violence, cruelty, and murder.
  • See our bodies as our own, rather than as belonging to the Lord.
  • See a child in our womb as our property that we can dispose of if we wish, rather than as a precious child of God created in His image for incredible and eternal purposes.
  • Be proud of our past abortions, rather than acknowledge that abortion is a terrible sin from which we must repent and seek God’s forgiveness and healing.
  • Believe that God only wants to judge and condemn us for our sins rather than forgive us and show us His love.

Now that we are clear on Satan’s anti-life, anti-family, and anti-motherhood agenda, let’s explore God’s perspective on fertility, children, and motherhood.

God Loves and Cherishes Men, Women, and Children

  • God sees fertility as a blessing. In fact, his first command to Adam and Eve was that they multiply:
    • “And God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fertile and multiply.’” Genesis 1:28
  • God sees motherhood as a blessing.
    • “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” Proverbs 31:28
  • God compares His love for us to a mother’s love. This shows how highly He values women and motherhood.
    • “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” Psalm 49:15
  • God creates each child in the womb.
    • “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” Psalm 139: 14-15
  • God sees children as a heritage, a reward, and a blessing.
    • “Lo, sons are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.” Psalm 127:3-5 
  • God establishes an important plan for each child before he or she is born. (This includes children conceived in adultery and sexual assault.) God loves each of us and has a plan for us no matter how we were conceived.
    • “But when he who had set me apart before I was born, and had called me through his grace.” Galatians 1:15
    • “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you;I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5
    • “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139: 16
  • God is the author of life and wants us to live fully.
    • “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy but I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10
    • “I am the way, the truth and the life.” John 14:6
  • Children belong to God from the womb.
    • “But you are He who took me out of the womb; you made me trust while on my mother’s breasts.” Psalm 22:9
    • “From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God.” Psalm 22:10
  • God owns our bodies and our children’s bodies. We don’t.
    • “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s”. 2 Cor 6: 19-20

As we see the pro-death abortion laws gaining ground, it may be tempting to get disheartened and give in to despair about the direction our culture is heading, but there is no need to do so. As Christians, we are people of HOPE and God has given us a clear roadmap to heal our land.

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

This verse tells us that Christians are responsible for the direction of their countries. As Christian women, we need to humble ourselves, pray, seek God’s face and turn from our wicked ways. Then God will heal our land and conquer this satanic agenda.

Things You Can Do to Make a Difference

Here are some actions we can all employ to foster God-honouring lifestyle in which all children are valued.

Meditate on the Word of God day and night. (Psalm 1:2)

  • Wash your mind daily with the Word of God. (Ephesians 5:26)
  • Read the Bible to your children. (Deuteronomy 11:19)
  • Teach Sunday School at your church if you believe God is calling you to do so.
  • Pray about starting a women’s Bible study in your neighbourhood.
  • Pray the Word of God over yourself and your family.

Recognise that everyone is a precious child of God and treat everyone with love and respect.

  • Since all life is valuable, do good works to help vulnerable members of society: eg. the homeless, illiterate adults, underprivileged children, the elderly, and those with debilitating diseases. (Matt 25:31-46)
  • Tell your children every day that they, and all children in the world, are gifts and blessings from God. (Psalm 127:3-5 and Proverbs 17:6)
  • Treat single mothers and unmarried pregnant woman with kindness, compassion, and respect. Seek to humbly, gently help to restore them to fellowship with the Lord and the Body of Christ or share the gospel that they may come to know the salvation Jesus offers to them and their children. (Gal. 6:1)
  • Express godly kindness and compassion to women who have had abortions and encourage them to pray, repent, and seek forgiveness and salvation/restoration. (James 5:16)

Humbly and fully repent of any sin in your own life and invite God to empower you to live a holy life.

  • If you have had an abortion in the past, acknowledge it as a sin, repent before God and trust that he has forgiven you. Seek godly counselling to help you to heal emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. (1 John 1:9)
  • Ask God to cleanse you of inadvertent sin (Psalm 19:12) and allow the fruit of the Holy Spirit to grow in your heart. We can only point people to Christ and His love of God for children if we are filled with the Holy Spirit and demonstrate love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal 5:22-23).
  • When single, make every effort to save sex for marriage. Avoid being alone with your boyfriend so that you would not fall into temptation.
  • Avoid porn and even sexual/romantic books, movies, music, websites that create temptation for you.
  • When married, make every effort to protect your sexual purity. Avoid being alone with other men. Avoid private conversations and emotional/spiritual intimacy with other men.

Value and cherish motherhood and children.

  • Understand that motherhood is far more sacred and special than your education or your career. Submit all areas of your life to the Lordship of Christ including motherhood, your education, your career, and your ministry. Invite God to use them all for His glory!
  • If you do become pregnant out-of-wedlock, protect the precious life in your womb no matter how your family and your church community react. You are not alone. God has created many pro-life organizations that help women in your situation.
  • When married, prayerfully consider choosing Natural Family Planning methods (eg. Daysy, Lady-Comp, the Billings Ovulation Method) rather than contraception. Be open to life and believe that God will help you to provide for your children. Don’t let fear keep you from having another child. (Gen 1:28)
  • If you are a victim of sexual assault, understand that the child is still precious and loved by God. An abortion would not erase the trauma of the assault. Either commit to raising that child or give it up for adoption to a loving couple. Adoption is a beautiful option.

Prayerfully get involved.

  • Educate yourself on pro-life issues and get involved in the pro-life movement in your community. (Matthew 5:10).
  • Focus on becoming biblically-correct, not politically-correct, and full of God’s love for others regardless of what persecution you may face. (Matthew 5:10)
  • Pray about becoming a foster parent, an adoptive parent, or youth mentor so you can be instrumental in protecting children in vulnerable situations.

With God’s wisdom, love, and power, we can be like the Proverbs 31:25 woman who laughs at the days to come and daughters of Sarah who do what is right and do not give in to fear (1 Peter 3:6).

Books Recommended by Simone about a Christian missionary who adoped 14 children:

RESOURCES

Biblical articles about abortion and the sanctity of human life from www.gotquestions.org

Biblical articles about abortion and the sanctity of human life from www.desiringgod.org

Biblical articles about abortion  and the sanctity of human life from www.answersingenisis.org

How to Have a Saving Relationship with Jesus Christ

 

An Amazing 3 Year Update – by the Satisfied Wife!

The first 2 years of my journey were still a very big mix of ups and downs for my husband and me. Of course things got a lot worse before they got better, but over the first 2 years, it was a matter of my learning what it means to really be a wife, how to respect my husband, and how to trust God.

WHERE WORDS ARE MANY, SIN IS UNAVOIDABLE (Prov. 10:19)

The biggest thing that changed my marriage and the way we function together was me learning when to keep quiet, and to let my husband lead and make the major decisions (if we couldn’t agree). In the end, I truly learned that God is in control, and that He truly does lead us through our husbands if we let Him.
For a long time in the first 2 years, I didn’t talk much. If I did talk, it was something that had to do with our immediate life like what was for dinner, what was going on with my son, or stuff like that. I stopped talking and started mostly just listening to what he told me in terms of his own life struggles, etc…
I stopped giving him advice and telling him what was wrong with him and his life, basically.
If my husband asked me questions about myself or anything, I shared then, but usually only then. Sometimes, he would go a week without much verbal connection.
Sure enough, three years later, he does ask me what I think about certain things and situations that he is in or that we might be putting ourselves in. He does want to know my opinion sometimes about work stuff, about if we should move again, or what I think about certain things. So things have definitely improved in that way for sure.
I have become very close with a trusted girlfriend, so when I have tough emotions or just want to talk to someone supportive in life, I talk to her, not my husband. Not because he won’t support me, per se, but because I’ve learned to talk to a woman because ultimately, only a woman can understand how I feel sometimes!
A Note From Peaceful Wife
There are times when we may want to prayerfully consider cutting back a lot on our talking, especially we have a history of saying a lot of negative or hurtful things or if we have been trying to lead or control our men.
  • The goal is NOT for me to stop talking entirely or for me to become a passive doormat.
  • The goal is to let my hurting husband have some time and space to heal and to begin to feel safe again and to give him a break from me being overbearing, if I have been.
  • He may need some emotional and verbal space for awhile, if I have been verbally trying to control him for a long time. 
  • If you tend to be too quiet, you may need to move in the opposite direction. You may need to start speaking up more often. The key is that we seek to find God’s healthy balance. That we use our words to speak life and use our words for good, not to destroy our husbands.
I need to allow the Holy Spirit to control my tongue. I need God’s help so I seek to avoid sinning verbally against my husband. I want to stop criticizing, speaking negatively, bossing him around, giving unsolicited advice, insulting him, etc… This is not so that I will “have no power” in the relationship, but simply so that I honor the Lord and stop tearing my husband down.
This doesn’t mean I should never share my feelings. I DO need to share my feelings, thoughts, and concerns at appropriate times. Thankfully, I can learn to do this in respectful ways. I want to be thoughtful and prayerful about what is helpful to share and what would not be helpful. In time, as my husband heals and feels safer with me, most likely, he will begin to care a lot more about my feelings when he sees that I respect his feelings.
Greg and I experienced this same kind of healing in our relationship as I allowed God to help me stop hurtful words and learned to give him more space, too.

A NEW CHAPTER FOR US

Over the past year things changed completely and have been steadily getting better and better. The thing that helped me over the past year was again me realizing that my purpose is to be my husband’s helpmeet, not to try to lead him or our family.
This perspective launched our family into new territory and brought so many blessings. My husband had been wanting to move closer to where his work has been over the past 4 years, and I always objected to moving because I liked our house and town.
But last year, I saw that it was not my place to make that final decision, so I followed my husband’s lead and we moved to a new state, a new town, and a new house that is so much more spacious and better meets our needs. My husband also encouraged me to take a leap of faith and pull my son back out of public school, take him off his ADHD meds, and let him learn in a natural way and in our natural environment.
It has been the best year of our lives!

A SOURCE OF MUCH OF MY DIFFICULTY

After SO MANY years of struggling, heartbreak, and me feeling like things were hopeless, I discovered the most amazing thing to help me better cope with life and my emotions —- SLEEP!
For years I would set my alarm to wake up at 4:00am and stay continually sleep-deprived. Last year, I finally decided this was hurting me, so I let my body adjust into it’s natural sleep cycle and I wake up whenever my body wakes me up. (Now that my son is not in public school, we are free to do this.) I have never felt more alive and well balanced in my life! I had been putting so many unnecessary expectations on myself for so long, and finally, when I let nature have it’s way, I found out that I was missing out on so many things.
I now have full energy every day, and I have been able to re-engage with all of my interests that I put aside for lack of energy over those years. I got into a regular exercise routine and have even been getting back into touch with my creative side by doing art classes at the library and making scrap books. I regret wasting so much time focusing on minor issues and problems that seemed unsolvable, all while letting my life pass me by while I sat in a state of utter misery!

THINGS I HAVE BEEN LEARNING

My husband has had a porn addiction since he was a young teenager. I didn’t know how to deal with this, and it has been a major battle in our marriage. But almost a year ago, I came across a FREE and amazing program for wives** who are married to porn addicts, that helps women learn how to understand the addiction, how to support their husbands in recovery, and how to take care of themselves in the meantime.

I learned so many amazing things:

  • My worth doesn’t come from my husbands actions, but rather, I have worth simply because God made me and I am His child.
  • To separate my husband’s (and other people’s) actions from my self-worth and in turn have been so much happier. Things that used to send me off an emotional cliff now have little power over me.
  • To focus on my own well-being and my own actions instead of looking to my husband to make me feel any kind of way.
  • To “respect” myself and to gain control over my emotions and actions, something I have never been able to do before, EVER!
  • To focus my thoughts on what is good and right and true, and to keep worry and stress and fear to a minimum.

I studied the brain science behind all of that, and have found significant evidence that what we think about truly impacts how we feel, and it all stems back to the brain chemicals that our body releases when we think a thought.

  • When we have good thoughts, we feel good.
  • When we have bad ones, we feel bad.

It is simple, yet life changing when you apply the information.

So this is where I am! I am happy, thankful, blessed. I am healthy and living life to the fullest with my husband and son.

MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN CHANGING, TOO!

Many wives will wonder—has my husband changed at all over these three years?

ABSOLUTELY!
My husband has learned to get a grip on his own emotions and has learned to hear my point of view. He now gives me the freedom to be who I really am. We hardly argue anymore (and it’s been over a year so I know it’s not just for a short amount of time). My husband has been able to relax more in my presence, and open up about his own struggles and frustrations in life.
We have had many good memories over the past year. He is more willing to spend his free time with my son and me and has showered me with little gifts and things to show his love and appreciation for me.

But has his basic personality changed?

Not really. He is still very quiet, to himself, introverted, not needing much affection or even attention.
But I changed by learning to accept who he is, and finding my own ways to get my own needs met. I stay engaged in my own activities, and focus on my responsibilities, and do things that I enjoy in life. Then I feel fulfilled whether he is meeting my needs or not.
Once I let go of trying to make things be the way I thought they should be, and instead focused on the things I could change (my own habits, time management, choices, etc.), things have only been getting better.
I feel balanced emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I rest in the fact that Jesus died for me, and that He has been working in me all these years for good. I have nothing to worry about. I am blessed. I am thankful.
I pray this update blesses you, and maybe many others! 🙂 Sending love your way!
**Curethecraving.com has a page for wives. You sign up with your email and start receiving a weekly recorded call that you can listen to from your phone or computer, and it takes you through so many amazing steps to find healing and balance in your own life! I owe all these good changes to this program. The couple who do the program are Christians as well.
(From Peaceful Wife – Note, I have not personally completely examined this resource. Please use prayerful discernment with any teaching material and test to be sure it is biblically sound. Thank you!)
RESOURCES
Previous Posts by The Satisfied Wife

10 Tips to Be a Peaceful Wife on Vacation

Photo by Sai Kiran Anagani on Unsplash

Vacations are supposed to be a fun time of relaxation with our families, a time when we make beautiful memories to cherish forever. Unfortunately, it’s easy for a vacation to become stressful and anything but peaceful.

How is it that a wonderful trip together can often bring out our worst?

Thankfully, as women who know Jesus, we have access to the Holy Spirit and the spiritual abundance of Christ all the time.

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus. Col. 3:17 NLT

Here are some tips I have learned about vacation issues to help you build up your marriage and family. (They may even come in handy at home, too!)

10 Peaceful Wife Vacation Tips

  1. Share what you would like to do with your husband in a friendly, polite, non-pressuring way.

    • Remember that your respectful approach is often more important than what you ask for.
    • Keep in mind that the way you approach your husband is your powerful example to your children of how you want them to approach you, your husband, and other people in positions of authority in their lives.
    • If you have to sin in order to get what you want, whatever you wanted is not going to be worth it in the end. (Gal. 5:16)
    • Avoid insulting or humiliating your husband, children, and others. Avoid arguing, complaining, freaking out, taking control (except for an emergency where it is truly necessary), and bitterness, etc…
    • Don’t let the vacation become more important to you than pleasing Christ or more important than your marriage or family relationships. Even a vacation can become an idol if we are not careful (something that we desire more than we desire Jesus).
    • Treat your husband with honor and respect because this honors the Lord. (Rom. 12:10, Eph. 5:33)
    • Treat yourself with respect, as well. (Think rightly about yourself according to God’s Word.)
  2. If you and your husband don’t agree on what to do (after you have both shared your preferences), seek to have a cooperative spirit.

    • Try to be open to the good aspects of his idea and think of his plans as a gift he wants to give you and your family. Don’t immediately assume his idea is awful.
    • Remember that you are both on the same team!
    • Don’t push to go beyond your budget or pressure him to go into debt. (Rom. 13:8)
    • He may be trying to do a good job leading, why not be supportive? (Col. 3:18-19, 1 Cor. 11:3)
    • This may end up being your favorite trip, ever! Who knows? If you have an adventurous spirit and are open to receiving the experience he wants to share, it could bless your marriage and family.
    • If he asks you to do something you are seriously unable to do or that completely terrifies you, it is important to respectfully share your fears and concerns. If he wants to go to an amusement park he thinks the kids will enjoy, but you get motion sickness, you don’t have to ride the rides. You could say something like, “I can’t ride anything, but I am happy to go with you and enjoy watching you and the kids have fun.”
      • (Note – if you or your children are not safe in your marriage, please get experienced, trusted help ASAP! And if your husband or children are not safe with you, please get help for yourself ASAP!)
  3. Keep things in perspective. 

    • Each person’s desires, ideas, and preferences about a trip are important. Both spouses want and need to feel heard and to know that they each have a voice.
    • But it’s critical to remember that the marriage covenant and how you treat each other is much more important in God’s eyes than where you go and what you do for a few days. (Matt. 22:46-40, 1 Cor. 13:4-6)
    • You have tons of influence and power as a wife/mom to make or break the entire trip because you are the precious heart of the family. You are like the thermostat and you generally get to set the emotional temperature for everyone.
    • The way we treat others, including our family members, is the litmus test God uses for our love for Him. We treat others with love because God loves us and we love Him. (Matt. 25:40, 1 John 4:19-21)
    • Take responsibility for yourself spiritually. Focus most on your character and the way you think, speak, and act as you invite the Holy Spirit to help you set a godly example for everyone around you. (Gal. 5:22-23)
  4. Pray for yourself, your family, and those around you.

    • Don’t take a vacation from a strong prayer life or from time with the Lord and His Word when you are on a trip. Write in your prayer journal. Set aside some time, even when you are waiting in lines to pray God’s blessing, favor, and promises over your husband, your children, those around you, the city (and state and country) where you are visiting, and yourself. (1 Thess. 5:17) Meditate on Scripture. Set your mind on praising and thanking God. Confess any sins right away to Him.
    • Invite God to do miracles and amazing things in your every day life and all around you – at home and away. He is always with you and always ready to accomplish His good purposes in your life. (Heb. 13:5, Rom. 8:28-29)
  5. Be flexible.

    • Things don’t always go as planned. That is just how this life is sometimes. Your response is often more important than the problems that come up. With Jesus, you can choose to respond with grace, understanding, love, kindness, joy, and peace.
    • If you can’t go on a trip this year, decide to make amazing memories at home. Great family memories don’t have to be expensive! And they don’t have to be out-of-town, even. A trip is a luxury, not a right or necessity.
    • Be ready to think of the detours and obstacles as an adventure to share together. God may have an amazing blessing to give you through something that seems bad, at first, no matter where you are.
    • If a really difficult trial arises, turn to the Lord in faith and trust and thank Him that He is with you. Ask Him to be glorified even in the midst of the trial. (James 1:2-4)
  6. Maintain a sense of humor and fun. 

    • If your flight gets delayed, a storm comes, plans change, or someone gets sick or injured (and it is not major), see if you can find some fun even in the problems. It may be that this situation becomes a treasured family story that you will all look back on and enjoy… eventually.
    • A great sense of humor, especilaly when it is shared together, can smooth over a lot of rough patches.
    • Going through trials and problems can be really bonding if you have the right attitude.
    • Ask God to empower you to be a blessing to your husband and kids.
    • Focus on the good. (Phil. 4:8)
    • Practice thanksgiving. (1 Thess. 5:16-18).
  7. Be willing to let go of control.

    • Accept that things will not be perfect and not all go exactly the way you want them to go. Choose to trust God rather than cling to an illusion of control.
    • When we try to control things, we only make everyone around us (including ourselves) miserable.
    • You can still relax and enjoy things, even if it wasn’t exactly what you had envisioned.
    • Be open to new things and changes in plans and allow the Lord to lead in your life in ways you don’t expect. (James 4:13-14)
    • Experience God’s freedom for you from worry and fear. (2 Tim. 1:7)
  8. Be aware of moments to share God’s love with your husband, children, and those around you.

    • As believers in Christ, we are always on mission wherever we go. (Matt. 28:19)
    • Invite God to show you opportunities to be to share the gospel, share part of your testimony, or to be the mouth, hands, and feet of Christ to strangers around you.
      • Yes, even in the airport, at a rest stop, in the theme park, or on the street of a major city.
      • Maybe you can take fresh to-go cups of ice-cold drinks out to some homeless people right outside of the restaurant where you eat lunch, if your husband is on board with it.
      • Who knows what a blessing you and your family could be?
    • Also be on the lookout for opportunities to demonstrate God’s love and grace to your husband and family.
    • Maybe you can use time in a long line to sing a praise song to the Lord, (in a way that is respectful of others around you). Or maybe you can use waiting time to read or listen to God’s Word alone or with your husband or children. Or you can ask everyone to name things they are thankful for or to share their favorite parts of the trip so far. Even the times of waiting can be a blessing if you have a wonderful attitude.
    • Maybe you and your husband would be excited to do a family mission trip for vacation? There are organizations that can help provide opportunities for this. Imagine the joy of sharing Christ with others together as a family!
  9. If everyone is getting tired or grumpy, invite God to give you and your husband His Spirit for strength, patience, wisdom, and discernment.

    • Your good attitude may just be contagious.
    • Try not to over schedule yourselves. Rushing and hurrying adds so much stress! It is impossible to enjoy things when you are in a huge hurry. The bigger the rush, the more tempting it will be to snap at each other and be irritated. No one needs that!
    • Recognize each family member’s limits and seek to accomodate them wisely.
    • Ultimately, remember that the people you love are more important than the plans and schedule.
    • Life is way too short to get upset over little things that ultimately won’t really matter.
  10. Carry a sense of wonder with you.

    • Notice the little beautiful moments.
      • The glorious sunset.
      • The butterfly on a flower nearby.
      • The laughter of children.
      • The lightning bugs blinking in synchronization in the apple orchard at night.
      • The grandeur of the mountains.
      • The vastness of the ocean and the rhythm of the waves.
      • The creativity of an architect, artist, or designer and what a gift God has given each of us to be able to be creative as a reflection of His ability to create.
      • A theme in a story or show that conveys biblical truth.
    • Think and talk about how amazing the Creator of the universe is. (Gen. 1:1)
    • Appreciate your senses, your husband, your family, and each experience.
    • Stay in the moment. Put the phone away sometimes. Savor this time together. Be fully present and with your husband and children.
    • Enjoy each moment to the fullest, even if it is not perfect.
    • Be open to the spiritual treasures the Lord may want to share with you each day wherever you may be.

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What tips do you have to help other wives and moms be peaceful on vacation? We’d love to hear the wisdom God has shown you!

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Our 25th Anniversary Is Today!

wedding picture

May 28, 1994 – our wedding day.

 

Today Greg and I celebrate 25 years of being Mr. and Mrs. Greg Cassidy!

Greg and April – May 28, 1994.

We had dated for almost 6 years from the time I was 15 and Greg was 16. I thought we were SO ready to be a godly husband and wife. In fact, I thought we were much better prepared than just about anyone else ever had been. We weren’t going to have conflict or problems like all those other people. Marriage wasn’t going to be hard for us at all!

The wedding went off without a hitch. It was perfect! Greg’s dad was our officiating pastor. My sister was my maid of honor. Greg’s brother was his best man. We each had six other attendants. The music was beautiful. The food was amazing at the reception. Three hundred-fifty people packed into the church to celebrate with us on that hot and humid South Carolina afternoon. Everything was like a fairy tale.

The first three days of our marriage were glorious. The honeymoon was everything I had hoped and imagined it would be!

But you know what the Bible says about pride, right?

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Prov. 16:18

Yep. It took all of about one week of marriage before things began to get really hard. I was completely unprepared and shocked. I didn’t understand the primary purpose of marriage in those early years. And I didn’t have many tools to help me deal with so many problems and difficulties. I thought I trusted the Lord. I had received Christ as my Savior at the age of five. I knew tons of verses by memory. I only listened to Christian music. But I didn’t know how to live out my faith in real life. I was operating in my own strength, not God’s.

Today, I am grateful for everything. The good times and the hard times.

Leaving the church on our wedding day – May 28, 1994

It was through the problems we experienced in the first 14 years of our marriage that God opened my eyes to my profound need for Him in ways I had never appreciated or understood before. I am forever in the Lord’s debt for this!

He showed me that the real test of my faith was the fruit of my life. He opened my eyes to see that the fruit of my life was not the fruit of His Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. I wanted to be all of those things and to have all of those things but I was lonely, miserable, and frustrated. I didn’t know how to get where I wanted to be. I assumed it was all Greg’s fault and that he needed to fix it. He needed to make me happy and do everything I wanted him to do. Then my life would be wonderful.

The fruit of my life for a long time was fear, worry, anxiety, control, pride, self-righteousness, complaining, arguing, negative talking, resentment, a spirit of offense, and bitterness. The way I lived didn’t match up with what I said I believed.

We were in a big old mess. If the Lord didn’t intervene 10 and 1/2 years ago, we would not be where we are today. I have no doubt, without God’s help, we would be in a much bigger mess by now, and our children, too. The road we were travelling down was destructive and toxic for all of us.

But God…

He opened my eyes first and pulled me out of that nasty pit. For the first time ever, I saw the enormity of my own sin (the ways I fell short of God’s holy standard of perfection – Rom. 3:23). I mourned over my spiritual condition in mortification and horror (Matt. 5:4). Then I stopped demanding that God change my husband and began begging Him to change me.

I yielded my life to the Lordship of Jesus and decided to really trust Him to have control rather than trusting myself to try to make everything happen like I thought it should.

He set me free from the lies, messed-up thinking, and chains that were choking me. Slowly, the Lord began to heal me first. Then, over the years, He worked in Greg and started to heal our marriage. How can I ever give Jesus enough praise and glory for these miracles?! 🎉

 

I am thankful today.

  • Thankful for God’s grace for us.
  • Thankful for Him illuminating His wisdom for us in our marriage.
  • Thankful for His Word.
  • Thankful for His Spirit.
  • Thankful for His promises.
  • Thankful for His faithfulness.
  • Thankful for His beautiful design for men, women, marriage, and families.
  • Thankful that, in Christ, we don’t have to continue on and on living as slaves to habitual sin.

I want everyone to get to experience the salvation, healing, and abundant spiritual life Jesus provides! That is the greatest desire of my heart! He is the only source of real peace, joy, fulfillment, and contentment. Not a husband. Not marriage. Not children. Not romance. Not earthly happiness. Not religious rules or rituals. Some of these things are good things. But without the Prince of Peace, Jesus, being on the throne of my heart, they will all leave me empty.

When we are walking and living in right relationship with Him, He transforms our hearts, minds, and souls. He pours His healing power through us and changes our desires, thinking, and the way we interact with others so that we can become more and more of a blessing to everyone around us. Not because of our own wisdom, strength, or goodness, but because of His Spirit and His Word working in us.

We will still have to deal with the sinful nature as long as we are on this earth, but in the power of Jesus, He can help us to crucify our old self and we have the ablity to choose each moment to yield to Him so that He can help us live in the power of our new nature, the Holy Spirit. As long as we live on earth, the Lord will continue to refine, prune, and purify us. He will humble us and help us grow spiritually as we trust Him, love Him, and seek Him wholeheartedly. Then, one day in heaven, we will be glorified with Him and completely set free from any influence from our sinful nature and temptation. What a wonderful day that will be!

Jesus is truly the key!

Anything good in me is totally from Him.

I am amazed that 25 years have sped by so quickly already. My prayer is,

“May God be greatly glorified in each of our lives, in our marriage, and in our children’s lives! May our marriage point people to the Gospel and to Christ Jesus!”

I pray the same for each of you, precious sisters and friends!

UPDATES

  • Good news, we finally finished working on Greg’s parents’ house to get it ready to sell and just put it on the market this past week! We praise God for this! My prayer is that this home might be a wonderful blessing to a new family and that they will make many memories to cherish there for many years to come.
  • I’m still enjoying my new job with my brother and my parents. They are thrilled I am there. I am ecstatic to be there. I know I am where I need to be. I still have a LOT to learn, of course. But hopefully I will grow to be more and more useful. I want to be a blessing to them, my coworkers, and our customers.
  • I am adjusting to my new schedule and increase in work hours pretty well. The kids and I have a new balance for the chores and priorities at home. They are taking on additional responsibilities as they are definitely old enough to do so and very capable.
  • Our son, our daughter, and myself are each experiencing several medical issues. Some could involve potential surgery. So we are praying for wisdom in dealing with these things.
  • We have had some additional trials recently about which I can’t elaborate right now. Thankfully, they have been much smaller than the issues we faced last year. The bigger trials really put the smaller ones in proper perspective!
  • I continue to pray and seek the Lord for His direction and vision for me for ministry moving forward. Things have been rather crazy. I’m hoping it will be calming down a bit now with one house from the estate finished. I know God will show me His path for me as I wait on Him.
  • I have needed some extra time to allow the Lord to restore my soul and to help me tend to my family in this season. Thank you for your patience, love, encouragement, and support!

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

More Good Things to Come

We have so much more to learn, and we will keep learning every day as long as we are on this earth. I’m excited to see the adventure that is to come.

Can’t wait to see all that the Lord has in store for each of us as we continue this journey together!

 

RELATED

“The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord” – my story and a great resource if you need a place to start your journey to become a peaceful wife.

“The Peaceful Mom – Building a Healthy Foundation with Christ As Lord” – Nitty gritty help to really dig in and grow like crazy in your faith in Jesus in ways that powerfully impact your life and family relationships.

How to Have a Saving Relationship with Jesus Christ

What Is the Gospel? by www.gotquestions.org

8 Powerful Keys to Peace

The Cure for My Compulsion to Control

The Spiritual Healing Available to Each of Us in Christ – by Radiant

20 Signs God Is about to Do Something AMAZING in a Person’s Life!

The Purpose of Marriage

My Desire for Marriages

 

ARE YOU DEALING WITH TRIALS, TOO?

This past year has been the most difficult and painful of our lives. But God is STILL VERY GOOD! He is with us and He is able to take all of the good and bad and use it for our ultimate good and His ultimate glory (Rom. 8:28-29), in fact, that is His promise to us as believers in Christ. Check out the principles we have learned from Scripture to help us in the midst of problems and difficulty.

Finding Contentment in Christ Alone During Painful Trials

Is Real Joy Possible for Me?

Finding Real Joy in the Midst of a Painful Trial 

Prayer for Us to Stand in the Authority of Christ – by Radiant

A guest post by Radiant.
From the Peaceful Wife
These petitions are primarily based on Scripture and the promises of God to those who follow Jesus. The prayers themselves are not magical. The Word of God and the Spirit of God are powerful! When we pray the promises and truth of God back to Him in faith, we are praying according to His will and we open the floodgates of heaven. This is how He allows us to take part in birthing His will into our lives, our families, and this world.
From Radiant
If you see a few verses or thoughts that stand out to you, you could print just those on a card to remind yourself to pray throughout the day and this week.

Praying in the Authority of Jesus Christ

You Are Our Encouragement

  • Thank you, Jesus, that You are the lifter of our heads.
  • Thank You that You have plans to give us a hope and a future for us our families.
  • Thank You that You are pouring out an anointing of wisdom and love over our families in this new season.
You Are Our Healer and Comforter
For our families and ourselves, we confess, repent of, bind and send to the Cross all division, strife, hurt, self-effort, pride, offense, fear of man, fear of failure, critical spirits, judging, wounds, slavery, torment, perfectionism, religion, negativity, complaining, unbelief, hindrance, futile ways handed down by our fathers, forms of godliness without Your power, worldly wisdom and control.
  • Thank You that You are teaching us to live by faith, and not put ourselves under the law and a curse.
  • Thank You that You are pouring out Your healing, love and Spirit on each wound that each of us has spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.
  • Thank You that You are binding us together in love by Your Spirit.

You Are for Us

  • Thank You that You have called each person in our families by name and they are Yours.
  • Thank You that He who started a good work in each of us will be faithful to complete it.
  • Thank You that You alone are Intercessor, the Author and perfecter of each of our faith. We give our own hearts and each family member’s hearts, destiny, past and future to You.
  • Thank You that Your design for marriage is to reflect Christ and the Bride. We declare that anointing over our kids, their future spouses and our marriages.
  • Thank You that if You are for us, who can be against us? There is no condemnation now for those of us who are in Christ Jesus!
You Are Our Freedom
  • Thank You that Your definition of freedom is freedom from sin and the freedom to walk in holiness and obedience to You!
  • Thank You that it is for freedom You set us and our families free. And if the Son sets us free, we will be free indeed.
  • Thank You that where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

You Are Changing Us

  • Thank You that You are changing the desires and delights of our hearts so that we delight in You, our Bridegroom.
  • Thank You that we have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer the old us who live, but the new us. We are now one with Christ, full of the Spirit, covered by His blood and made totally new with Your resurrection power!
You Are Our Rest
  • Thank You that You are making crooked things straight, strengthening the things that are lame.
  • Thank You that a bruised reed You will not break, and a smoldering wick You will not put out. You bear with us in our weakness.
  • Thank You that all of us who are heavy laden and weary are coming to You and You gladly give us Your supernatural rest.
  • Thank You that we cast our cares on You because You care for us. We remove all yokes that are not of You from us and our families in Jesus’ Name – and we take on Your light yoke, Your joy and Your presence for each of us.
You Are Our Peace
  • Thank You that You are our peace. You have made us and our families one, and have broken down the dividing wall of separation.
  • Thank You that You will reign as the Prince of Peace in our hearts and our families’ hearts today.
  • Thank You that no scheme of hell or man can ever separate us from Your love or pluck us from Your hand.
  • Thank You that You are giving us wisdom from heaven which is first of all peaceable.
  • Thank You that You, Yourself, promise to be our Teacher and the Teacher of our kids, and great will be our peace.
  • Thank You that we are each setting our minds on the things of the Spirit – which is life and peace – instead of our old way of setting our minds on worldly things that lead to death.
You Are Calling Us
  • Thank You that the Spirit of the Lord is on You (and now on us), because the Lord has anointed You (and Your Bride –  even me) to bring good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, to open prison doors to those who are bound, and to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.
  • Thank You that even though the enemy has been stealing, killing and destroying many things in our lives, You came that we might have life and have it abundantly. You restore the ruins, You give restitution for what the locusts have eaten.
  • Thank You that those who look to You lack no good thing in light of eternity. Our faces are radiant.
You Are God with Us
  • Thank You that You are flooding our hearts with You, to treasure You and be full of love and grace.
  • Thank You that we will not bite and devour each other, but bless each other.
  • Thank You that You are helping us live lives that will be good places for Your Spirit to dwell and bring good fruit and fruit of the Spirit rather than barrenness or thorns.
  • Thank You that You are pouring out Your Spirit on all flesh — on us and our descendants.
  • Thank You that Your Word and Your Spirit teach us all things.
  • Thank You that You are giving us a beautiful crown instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit.
  • Thank You that we will all be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
  • Thank You that You are working the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman into me and my daughter as Your Bride.
You Are Our Victorious Warrior in Spiritual Battle
  • Thank You Jesus that what the enemy means for evil, You use for good.
  • Thank You that we will build up ancient ruins, raise up former devastations, repair ruined cities and the devastations of many generations.
  • Thank You that You have given us every spiritual blessing, supply, weapon and tool we need in Christ for this spiritual battle we are in. And Your Name is Victory!!
  • You already defeated the enemy. Now we declare Your victory over us and our families and homes.
We praise You Jesus for what You are doing and all that has shifted in the spiritual realm as we declare Your promises over us.
We give it all to You and ask for Your help for us to yield, be pliable and surrender our wills to Yours.
In the Mighty Name of Jesus and according to His perfect will,
Amen!

Wisdom for Wives Who Are Moms of Kids with Special Needs – by Cheryl

Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash

A guest post by one of my readers, Cheryl. I’m so thankful she is willing to share some of the things she has learned on the tough road she and her husband and family have shared. Honestly, they are pearls of wisdom for all of us!

As we sat in our car in the medical parking lot, somewhat numb and in shock, we wondered what God was doing. We had just been told our 7 month-old son had Lissencephaly. We had no idea what to expect. Married just under 3 years, we had already experienced the birth of our first-born son, the still-born birth of his twin brother, and numerous hospital stays – all before our first anniversary.

Now what was God doing? Didn’t He know we couldn’t do this?

What about our hopes, our dreams? What now? So many questions and no answers, except to trust the One who knew them.  We had vowed we would stay together and persevere, no matter what life brought our way. It is this commitment and a gracious, merciful and faithful God that has carried us through.

Fast forward five years and our family now consisted of four boys; our youngest, also diagnosed with Lissencephaly. Our lives revolved around therapies, IEP’s, school and government paperwork, doctor’s appointments and seizure management – along with work, school and church activities. We did our best to keep up, to be the best parents we could be to all our sons. And, life went on.

Our marriage often took a back seat.

Although we did attend a few marriage conferences and took a few weekend getaways and short vacations, bitterness, anger and isolation was creeping in, unseen, ignored and left to grow. What I started realizing around 23 years of marriage, was that I had baggage that needed to be addressed. I had bitterness. I had attitudes that needed adjusting and a heart that needed to be changed.  A lot of pain and subsequent consequences could’ve been avoided had I chosen to heed the early warning signs.

With this in mind, may I share with you some of the lessons God has been teaching me the past couple of years while in His loving refining room?

  • Abiding in Christ: Growth, peace and contentment in my personal life and marriage begins and ends with abiding in Christ. “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5. This means staying close to my Shepherd, getting to know Him, loving Him, trusting Him, obeying Him.
  • Obedience: I am learning that my obedience and yielding to Christ, or lack there-of, affects not only my ability to know Him, to hear His voice, to see His work in my life and to be used by Him, but also affects my relationships, my marriage, my attitudes, my peace of mind and my heart. In the midst of all the demands and responsibilities that come along with being a mom of boys with special needs, I oftentimes put obeying God on the back burner. I neglected my time with Him. I didn’t guard my heart, my words, my thoughts, or my actions – especially in my marriage. I took my marriage and husband for granted, failing to realize the gradual erosion taking place.
  • Address Issues Early: Looking back, I wish my husband and I would’ve worked through our baggage, couple issues, and differences in the early years of our marriage. Although, it would’ve been difficult finding childcare (as is often the case due to high medical needs and challenges), and expensive to see a counselor, we probably would’ve avoided pain and pitfalls down the road.
  • Thankfulness: God is teaching me that a thankful heart and attitude keeps bitterness and a sour attitude from nesting in my heart. If I keep fixated on what my boys can’t do, what they are missing out on, and what my husband and I are missing out on, then, not only do I grow bitter, but, I can become depressed and lose hope. Finding reasons to thank God each day helps me keep an eternal perspective, see God’s blessings in our lives and helps keep me abiding in Him.
  • Mentors:This can be a lonely and isolating life. I’ve learned that the Christian life isn’t meant to be either. We need Christian mentors in our lives;  older, wiser women as well as older, more experienced couples. It’s hard to reach out and invest the time and energy necessary for close friendships amid all the on-going responsibilities that come with the special needs territory, but it is well worth it! Years ago, God brought an older, wiser woman of God into my life who has walked with me through many seasons, mountaintops and valleys, joys and sorrows. She offers encouragement, a listening ear, wisdom, truth and perspective.  My husband and I are also in a couple’s small group Bible study. Getting there isn’t always easy or convenient and requires sacrifice on our part; but, we receive  encouragement and accountability in our marriage, and the opportunity to encourage and minister to other couples.
  • Reaching Out in Ministry: God is helping me to reach out and use my gifts to help others. This is a toughie as we SN (special needs) moms just don’t have a lot of extra time to devote to long-term, even short-term ministry. For many years, I was involved in music ministry. It worked well as it was flexible and allowed me the opportunities to use my gifts and talents for the kingdom.  God has changed my direction somewhat the past few years, stretching me in undeveloped areas and giving me many smaller opportunities to serve others. I’m learning to look for these opportunities daily and though they are often small acts, others are encouraged and blessed, and so am I.
  • God’s Word/Hope: God’s Word, His truths and promises, sustain me and help keep my eyes on Him. Meditating on and memorizing Scripture is not an easy discipline for me, but the verses I’ve learned are  readily available when I need them the most. Lately, these two verses on hope have really encouraged me.

“[Now] we have this [hope] as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul [it cannot slip and it cannot break down under whoever steps out upon it–a hope] that reaches farther and enters into [the very certainty of the Presence] within the veil.”  Hebrews 6:19 AMPC

“Now may God, the inspiration and fountain of hope, fill you to overflowing with uncontainable joy and perfect peace as you trust in him. And may the power of the Holy Spirit continually surround your life with his super-abundance until you radiate with hope!”  Romans 15:13 TPT

 

Lord,

We praise You as Creator. You formed us and knit us together just the way You wanted. We are fearfully and wonderfully made! Forgive us for our impatience, selfishness and reluctance to trust You. We pray for strength and stamina through sleepless nights and long days. Give us friends who can encourage us and give us relief when our nerves are frayed. And, give us hope when everything seems dark. We look forward to the great reward of someday seeing our special children, specially perfect!

Amen.

SHARE

What struggles and trials have you gone through in your marriage, family, career, or life that has brought about a harvest of godly wisdom you feel led to share with us?

Or do you simply need some encouragement and prayer today to help you in the midst of your current trial? Let us know so we can pray with you.

Also, if you have a testimony you’d like to share for a post on any topic, I’d love to read it. I’m looking for women’s stories about things God has taught them and how God has changed and healed them through Christ. I prefer articles about 1000-1500 words in length. You may send them to me on my contact page. I’d love to have some guest posts to share especially for the month of April.

 

Much love!

 

 

 

 

 

“I Thought God Was Like My Abusive Dad” – a Guest Post

A guest post by a sister in Christ who has had a very, very difficult life. I’m excited about what the Lord is doing in her life! Please pray with me for His continued total spiritual healing for her heart, mind, and soul:

——-

This is a good article (How Praying in Wrong Ways Destroyed My Faith in God – by Nikki) and it reminds me of something. I often prayed to God unbiblically and when I slip back into old mindsets, still can. What do I mean by this?

Without me realizing it, I prayed out of a lot of unbelief and distrust – unwittingly attributing characteristics to God that were that of my father and other authority figures who had been unjust or untrustworthy. There were many such figures in my life which made it hard to think from any other basis.

Additionally, because I had cried out to God during an abuse incident and did not hear any response from God nor witness any rescue come to pass soon after, I really didn’t trust God or think He could be relied upon to do anything about things that were of great concern to me. So I would pray from a place of doubt and mistrust with my feelings as the indicator as to what was, or was not God’s response.

I did not base my understanding of God on scripture but on my feelings which I trusted more. I regarded Christians who would insist on putting aside my feelings in favor of scripture as nuts, self-righteous Pharisees, and totally insensitive. And some of them did, indeed, fit that bill. They were in such a rush to offer the solution that they acted as if my wounds were inconsequential. And from my end, I was so hurt and felt so sorry for myself in the face of abuse and injustice that I was just not ready to value truth more than feelings or seek for anything beyond healing.

Consequently my relationship with God was often an arm wrestling match, with me trying to persuade an unwilling God to do what I needed or hoped He would or ought to do.

I saw God through the lens of my father who was very unwilling to do anything for me or to meet my needs, and whose stance towards me was one of devaluation and contempt. Dad despised women and had a very idolatrous relationship towards them; he saw women as withholding, manipulative, and whiny users and entrappers, which affected his attitude towards me. He was also a sex addict and so our home included some violation and being aware of things we ought not to have been exposed to.

As a result, my needs and feelings were invalidated and I often had to “prove” that what I wanted, needed, or felt was valid by arguing for it convincingly like some trial lawyer. I won mercy by extreme submissiveness and even prostrating myself, as if before a king with the power of life and death.

That our lives were full of drama is an understatement.

His judgements of me were always negative and tainted by his own deep bitterness, hatred, and unforgiveness of his mother. The result of all of this was a sort of idolatrous interpretative bias in my own heart as I struggled to come out from under all the nasty stuff my father had transferred onto me from his undealt with issues. And I had my own hurt and reaction to it and to feeling unloved and unwanted. I think that our reactions to such things are a combination of being sinned against and sinful responses which would of course include a sort of idolatry as our lives become about seeking what was denied us.

This can also result in anger at God who surely must have been a party to the whole thing, insofar as we might see things at the time they occurred and without any understanding of what God has already done in response to evil. Our focus in this head space is usually life in this world in the here and now and wanting to be happy. We are often unaware of God’s perspective being eternal and about right relationship with Him as the source of all life and joy. This makes it hard to grasp a larger picture.

So my prayer life and the lens of my heart was tainted by these things so that I was, in effect, praying to a version of God mixed with my father.

The idea that God was a loving and just Father did not compute for me and I found the idea revolting. One day, I decided to disregard my feelings and stand on what scripture said as a higher authority. I always felt filthy and unforgiven so I decided to stand on 1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness – and believe that.

That little decision turned out to make a huge difference, and suddenly it seemed that the universe swung around and snapped into precise order and I was able to see clearly.

I realized at that moment that God was not obligated to respond to me if I continued to pray to Him as something He was not, rather than praying to Him according to the truth of who He was.

Hebrews 11:6 New King James Version (NKJV) says:

  • But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

And James 1:5-7 says

  • If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. 8A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

I definitely needed my prayer life corrected and redirected by scripture and still do; praying by our emotions which tend to reinforce themselves, usually leads to a wilderness and brings despair and hopelessness as it tends to go in an ever tightening and defeating downward spiral.

Note from Peaceful Wife –

This dynamic with this dear sister’s dysfunctional relationship with her dad impacting her understanding of God is very common. We tend to assume that God is just like our earthly fathers and we have to be sure we separate the failings of our earthly fathers from our understanding of who God really is. We all need healing to some degree in this area, because none of us had perfect fathers. 

We can’t trust God if we have a warped, jaded picture of who He is, if we think He is evil and out to get us. So often, we end up getting Satan and God switched up in our minds. Not purposely, but we tend to attribute the evil attributes of Satan to God. It would be terrible to trust such a one.

We need to know who God really is and His genuine real character to be able to truly put our faith in Him. So it is important that we recognize any lies we may have embraced and that we learn to go to Scripture to find out the truth about who God is.

SHARE

If you would like to share your own skewed views of God and how that hurt your faith, you are welcome to. And if you want to share how you learned to reject the lies and receive God’s truth, we would love to hear that, as well. Or if you need prayer, you are welcome to share that here.

I, (Peaceful Wife), will be handling the comments, not the author of the post.

Much love!

RELATED

Trusting God to Heal the Scars of Sexual Abuse by Dawn Wilson

More posts on childhood abuse by Revive Our Hearts

Posts about abuse by www.gotquestions.org

Healing for Hopelessness about dealing with childhood wounds from my site www.peacefulsinglegirl.com.

What Are the Attributes of God? by www.gotquestions.org

Who Is God? video series by David Platt

** If you experienced severe trauma or abuse from your father, parents, an authority figure, someone in the church, or anyone else, please reach out for experienced, trustworthy, godly counsel – and to the Lord – to help you heal. And if you are not safe now, please reach out to the authorities if you can safely do so.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 800-799-SAFE (7233). Staff is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Get information in more than 170 languages. You will hear a recording and may have to wait for a short time. Hotline staff offer safety planning and crisis help.