When we think of what it means to be godly Christian women, sometimes we think that means we have to tolerate anything from other people. We may think being respectful means that we don’t confront people when they sin or speak up when we are being mistreated. We may think it means we have to accept anyone as a friend and never say, “no,” to people under any circumstances.
We may think we are supposed to be people pleasers.
But God never calls us to be people pleasers. We are to be God-pleasers! We are to love God wholeheartedly. Yes, we are to love all people with His love. But God’s love doesn’t allow evil to influence it and drag it down into the gutter.
May the verse below NOT be true of us!
- for they loved human praise more than praise from God. John 12:43
THE BIBLE HAS WISDOM FOR US
We don’t hear a lot about these passages, today. That is unfortunate, because we can end up surrounding ourselves with people who will try to tear us away from the Lord – and who will hurt our witness for Christ – if we don’t know God’s wisdom for us.
Understand that the last days will be dangerous times. People will be selfish and love money. They will be the kind of people who brag and who are proud. They will slander others, and they will be disobedient to their parents. They will be ungrateful, unholy, unloving, contrary, and critical. They will be without self-control and brutal, and they won’t love what is good. They will be people who are disloyal, reckless, and conceited. They will love pleasure instead of loving God. They will look like they are religious but deny God’s power. Avoid people like this.
Some will slither into households and control immature women who are burdened with sins and driven by all kinds of desires. These women are always learning, but they can never arrive at an understanding of the truth. These people oppose the truth in the same way that Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses. Their minds are corrupt and their faith is counterfeit. But they won’t get very far. Their foolishness will become obvious to everyone like those others. 2 Tim. 3:3-9CEB
- In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who is idle and disruptive and does not live according to the teaching you received from us. 2 Thess. 3:6 NIV
- Take special note of anyone who does not obey our instruction in this letter. Do not associate with them, in order that they may feel ashamed. 2 Thess. 3:14
- Now I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and obstacles that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Turn away from them. Rom. 16:17
- If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Matt. 18:17 (After you confront a brother privately and then bring several other believers and confront him…)
- If anyone comes to you but does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your home or even greet him. 2 John 1:10 (speaking of false teachers)
- But now I am writing you not to associate with anyone who claims to be a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a verbal abuser, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. 1 Cor. 5:11
Verses about trusting people (they are mostly about how we can’t trust other people)
So when we choose close friends, or our children choose close friends (or future spouses), there are biblical standards we are to apply to our selections. Of course, we are not to be like these passages above, ourselves, either. We are to walk closely to the Lord and invite Him to help us purify our own lives of any sin. And then we are to surround ourselves with strong believers in Christ.
- Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, Ps. 1:1
We want to try to have fellowship with everyone we can. But if someone is toxic for our faith, the church, or our witness – by God’s definition – we put our love for fellowship with God above our desire to fellowship with people and we honor His commands for us. He is our LORD.
We don’t avoid people out of pride, self-righteousness, hatred, bitterness, or resentment. We avoid certain people, based on a right handling of Scripture, with the goal of protecting our witness for Christ and with a heart that longs to see people repent and turn and be transformed and healed by the power of the Holy Spirit and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
SEEKING GOD’S WISDOM
These passages don’t mean that we avoid unbelievers who sin. We are supposed to engage with people who don’t know Christ and share the hope of the Gospel. We minister to them, love them, pray for them, and try to reach them.
But we are not to allow anyone to influence us to pull us away from the Lord and from His Word.
It requires the wisdom and discernment of the Holy Spirit for us to properly evaluate various relationships. We need to be sure we are right with the Lord ourselves and that we are not practicing any of these sinful lifestyles ourselves. Then we need to seek God’s wisdom humbly. We don’t seek to accuse, berate, and condemn other people. But we do try to protect our children and ourselves from ungodly influences.
We desperately need Your wisdom and the power of Your Spirit to rightly handle these difficult situations. We want to act in goodness and love with motives that please You. We want to share Your love with everyone. We want to see Your church purified, cleansed, united in love, and vibrant. Help us to discern how to handle these tough relationship issues with holiness. Help us to shine brightly for Jesus in all of our interactions with everyone. Direct our every step for Your glory alone.
If you would like to share some general things about this topic and what the Lord has shown you, you are welcome to share. I do ask that we keep this space respectful of the Lord and of others and ourselves. That we don’t publicly share details of other people’s sin here. That we don’t tear anyone down. I’d like this place to be a place of edification, blessing, and honor.
Do Not Expect Outside Support – from your family and friends if you choose to honor the Lord in your life and marriage
WHAT IF MY HUSBAND IS LIKE THIS?
If it is our own husband or children who fit these descriptions, we may not be able to avoid them, necessarily. If you have a husband like this, I would encourage you to check out Nina Roesner’s eCourse, “Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity,” so that you will be better equipped and prepared to deal with the situation in a godly way. Or you can check out:
www.focusonthefamily.com – has a one time free counseling service and counseling referral service
www.biblicalcounseling.com – can help you locate a Christian counselor
We can still choose to be a godly wives even if we have a husband who is far from the Lord. God may use our godly, respectful, holy attitude to draw our men to Himself. We want to seek, on our end, to honor our marriage covenant and to pray for God’s healing. We want to shine for Christ and seek to honor the Lord in the way we relate to our husbands, our children, the Lord, and ourselves. (For posts on this topic, click here, or look under categories at “win him without a word.”)
IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE SITUATION
However, if you are in an extreme situation where you or your children are in danger, your husband has serious uncontrolled mental health issues, he is involved in active adultery, he is actively involved in drug/alcohol abuse, etc… please seek wise, experienced, godly counsel. If possible, try to get somewhere safe. Involve the police, medical professionals, your pastor, or a trusted Christian counselor, if necessary. There are times when a godly wife may have to prayerfully consider separation. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to get a divorce. But I don’t want to see any wife, husband, or children in a dangerous place.
And, if you are not safe with your older children, or with a friend, coworker, neighbor, pastor, teacher, police officer, or anyone else, please seek individualized, local help ASAP, as well.
FOR SINGLE WOMEN
If you are not yet married, but your boyfriend or fiancé has a lot of the characteristics in these passages, that is a big red flag. Please see this post about men we are to avoid as Christian single women who are choosing a spouse. You may also want to check out my posts about Red Flags.