white bed with gauzy white canopy in beige bedroom and orange pillows

Finding Privacy for Intimacy When You Have Older Children at Home

Correction from 10 Intimacy Killers – I mistakenly wrote that “all” 10 Intimacy Killers were sin. My apologies! It should have said, “most,” not all.

Having other people nearby in the house can definitely cause a wife, especially, to feel self-conscious and rather inhibited.

I believe there are things you can do to help yourself feel more comfortable and to allow yourself to enjoy intimacy with your husband. Many married couples throughout the history of the world have had to deal with this issue. In some cultures, the whole family sleeps in the same room. That would be really tricky!

You will have to be a lot quieter if other people are in the house, too, than you might be otherwise. But this situation doesn’t have to rob you of intimacy with your husband. I promise!

Here are some ideas (some are free and others are more costly):

1. Create more distance

  • Take your husband to a room far away from the kids’ bedrooms that has a lock, like a finished room over the garage, or the basement, or another room in the house that can provide privacy.
  • Add on a new master suite to your home in an area far away from the kids’ bedrooms.
  • Build a new multi-generational home for all of you to live in that provides more sound-proofing and privacy.
  • Invest in a small guest cottage in the backyard.
  • Get a hot tub for the backyard.
  • When the quarantine is lifted, invest in a local hotel room or romantic cottage getaway once a month to once a quarter.

2. Add sound-proofing

  • Get a platform bed with a foam mattress because they generally won’t make any noise.
  • Brace your regular bed to prevent creaking.
  • Install sound-proof panels in your bedroom.
  • Increase the amount of insulation in the walls between your bedroom and the other rooms.
  • Simply minimize any vocalizations and keep them to a whisper.

3. Increase the ambient noise level

  • Use the TV or music or white noise.
  • Encourage the kids to use ceiling fans, music, or white noise.
  • If you have space in your bathroom and a loud bathroom fan, that could work, and you could even run the shower or tub for additional sound.
  • Use a large attic fan during the summer. Those things are crazy loud.

4. Work around the kids’ schedules

  • If your kids are sound sleepers, waiting until a certain time at night may help, or try early in the morning before they get up.
  • When business and jobs resume, perhaps your children will have school or jobs and when they are gone might be a good time.
  • Get the kids out of the house – This would be easier if it were not during a quarantine time. But you could announce that every Thursday evening it is time for them to go out and spend time with friends or with each other for 2 hours and you can set the time.

Talk with your husband about his ideas, too. This is entirely doable!!!

Lord,

I pray Your great blessing on each marriage represented here. I pray for Your divine healing for husbands and wives spiritually, emotionally, and physically where there is pain and heartache.

Satan wants to keep us from being united in our marriage. But we have the victory and power of Jesus!

I pray that You might empower each marriage to be whole and healthy, honoring You and displaying the incredible power of the gospel to everyone around.

Amen.

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Have you found some creative ways to get the privacy you need with your husband? We’d love to hear about it! <3

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Let’s Talk about Sex (links to all of my posts about the topic)

10 Intimacy Killers

4 Ways to Get the Sizzle Back in Your Marriage

When You Want Your Husband to Initiate Sex

When Your Husband Rejects You

Withholding Sex

17 Tips to Ask for What You Desire Respectfully

The Purpose of Marriage

RESOURCES

Unlock Your Libido” Book Review – Bonny’s Oyster Bed 7 a wife shares how to heal and increase your libido for women who struggle

Forgivenwife.com – a website created by a wife who willfully withheld sex for 20 years and then discovered the joy of sharing herself with her husband as she honors Scripture.

The ABC’s of Salvation

  • A = Admit you are a sinner and you can’t be perfect and holy enough in God’s eyes to be right with Him on your own. Turn away from your sin and turn to God with all your heart. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Rom. 3:23
  • B = Believe that Jesus died on your behalf to pay the price for your sin and to give you a way to be right with God – to be forgiven. “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus, our Lord.” Rom. 6:23
  • C = Confess that Jesus is your Lord – this means, Jesus is now your Master and you live your life for Him and His glory rather than for yourself. You say it out loud to others and you live it from now on. “If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with your heart you believe and are justified, and with your mouth you confess and are saved.” Rom. 10:9-10

God’s Incredible Plan for You!

Billy Graham’s site Peace with God

How to Influence an Unbelieving Husband for Christ.

2 thoughts to “Finding Privacy for Intimacy When You Have Older Children at Home”

  1. Great ideas. I’d just like to add that we require the younger 2 to go to bed at 10pm and the older two don’t have to go to sleep but they must be in their rooms at 10pm. It would be earlier if we weren’t doing later distance learning during quarantine.

    Once we were discussing intimacy and my 14 year old asked, “Is that why we have to be in bed at 10pm?” I said, “are you sure you want to know?” and she replied: “no!” lol. But it works for us. Then hubby “tucks me in” because he stays up later.

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