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At Maroon Bells near Aspen, CO

A Summer of Healing

This is a pic from the Maroon Bells park area near Aspen, Co from a few weeks ago.

What a summer it has been! I’m so grateful for having a few weeks to unplug from ministry and to really focus on the Lord and on my family. I definitely needed that more than I could have imagined.

I am still on this journey of learning and growing in Christ right along with everyone else.

There is a huge connection between my spiritual life and my health that I am not always aware of and I sure don’t completely understand – but it is there, nonetheless.

My prayer partner encouraged me to speak life in the area of my health, not to speak negatively the way I had been doing. I had been saying things (to myself and to others) like:

  • Life would be so much easier if I didn’t ever have to eat.
  • I can’t eat most things, they will make me sick.
  • If I eat that, I will be in trouble.
  • I have this disease and that disease and they are incurable.

She reminded me that our words are powerful – they have the power of life and death. If I am speaking negatively over areas of my life, I will see negative fruit in those areas. I knew that. I have purged so many areas of my life of negative words and thoughts in the past. But I was convicted that there were several areas where I had been speaking negatively that I hadn’t even noticed – my diet, my health, some things about my son’s school, and some things about pharmacy (which is my job).

  • The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Prov. 18:21

I also saw that although I had weakly asked God for healing in the past, I didn’t have much faith about it. One of God’s operating principles is that He does things for us in in proportion to the amount of faith we have in Him.


I have been reading through the Bible this year and was in 2 Chronicles about three weeks ago when I came across a verse that just jumped out and grabbed me. King Asa had been a godly king. A good king. A king who wanted to please the Lord and who did what was right in God’s eyes so many times. He saw God bless him mightily for many years. But in his later years, he trusted a treaty with another king instead of trusting God – the result of which was that he had war against his kingdom for the rest of his reign instead of the peace that Judah had enjoyed the rest of the time he was king. Then he got sick, very sick.

  •  In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was diseased in his feet, and his disease became severe. Yet even in his disease he did not seek the Lord, but sought help from physicians. 2 Chronicles 16:12.

I thought, “With all of my health issues, where have I looked for help? Have I truly ever sought God wholeheartedly about all of these things? Or have I been primarily trusting in doctors and Western medicine? How much have I relied on my pharmacist training rather than on the Lord over the years? Then when Western medicine didn’t work, I turned my faith to holistic medicine, a holistic doctor, a special diet, and supplements? It helped somewhat, but I have never been set free from all of these diseases. What if God has some lessons for me spiritually in this that I have been missing?”

I decided to lay all of these things before the Lord and invite Him to show me any wrong thinking and any sin in my heart that may be contributing to my sickness in my particular situation.

Note – I don’t believe the Bible is saying that going to a doctor, using medications, or using earthly remedies is necessarily sin. But in my case, my faith was too invested in these earthly means and not invested much at all in the Lord’s power. That was a big problem.



Last year, Greg bought a book for me by Andrew Murray, one of my favorite Christian authors, called, “Divine Healing.” I hadn’t read it yet. But I decided that while we were on a family vacation would be the perfect time to dive in – free from distractions.

Andrew Murray lived in the 1800s – early 1900s and was a Christian pastor in South Africa. He is known for his incredibly deep writings, having written over 240 books. Two of his books, “Humility” and “Absolute Surrender,” have been life changing for me. (They are available as free audio books or $0.99 Kindle books on Amazon on the links provided).

“May not a single moment of my life be spent outside the light, love, and joy of God’s presence,” was his prayer. “And not a moment without the entire surrender of myself as a vessel for him to fill full of his Spirit and his love.” – Andrew Murray

Andrew Murray experienced a health crisis that stopped his ministry for two years. They were “the silent years” because his throat was affected and he could not speak. During that time, He pressed into Christ more deeply than ever. And, eventually, he was miraculously healed by the Lord.

Murray has a very scriptural approach, in my view. I do wish he had addressed Paul speaking to Timothy about “taking a little wine” for his stomach because of his frequent illness (1 Timothy 5:23). The topic of healing seems like sometimes it can get a bit crazy these days. So we definitely want to be on guard to check anything any spiritual teacher has to say against scripture. But anything that jives with sound doctrine and scripture, I want to receive! Even if I don’t understand it all. I invite you to check out his book and what the Bible has to say about the topic of healing. Please compare everything Murray or anyone else, including myself, may say and compare it to God’s Word.


I saw that some of my thinking needed to change over the past few weeks as I have been away from ministry and just soaking in the Lord’s presence, in His Word, and in fervent prayer. I am still working through reading through the book a second time and hashing out my thoughts with the Lord in prayer.

I don’t claim to understand everything about this issue. Not by a long shot.

I don’t know what the future will hold. But I have taken some big new steps in faith toward what I believe God desires me to do. I do know I can trust Him. I want to receive absolutely everything that is from the Lord and absolutely nothing that is not of Him in every area of my life. I do know that God is very good and that I want to trust Him more and more and I want to praise Him for the rest of my life and all of eternity!

I decided on July 13, 2017 that I would make some changes by faith:

  • I will stop speaking negatively to myself and others about my health and about food.
  • I’m going to take a fast from my supplements, at least for a time, until I have more direction from the Lord.
  • I will seek to eat relatively healthy things, as a godly steward of my body, but I will not stick religiously to the extremely restricted diet I was on.
  • I want to thank God for my body, for eating, and for healthy food.
  • My purpose is to be fit for God’s service alone, not to be well just so I can do whatever I want to do.
  • My faith must be in the Lord and my focus on Him – not on earthly things or myself.
  • I will praise and thank God for any food set before me and receive it with gratitude and joy.
  • I will ask God to show me if any of the illness I had been experiencing was due to sin and that He might expose that sin and heal me for His glory. (I did see a lot of sin in my heart – faith in other things besides Him, unbelief in Him, worldly thinking, human wisdom, negativity about my health, etc… and I repented.)

I am in the process of figuring out how best to balance my time with God and ministry. Please pray for God’s wisdom for me about that, as well. Thanks so much!


I have been utterly amazed at God’s goodness and miracles!

My health issues have been non-existent the past few weeks since I began this new approach.

I have eaten things that I haven’t eaten in over two years. And I haven’t had all the usual reactions. THAT IS AMAZING! I am so excited to share this new thing the Lord is doing in my life and the resource of this book for any who may be interested. Please rejoice and praise God with me at how the Lord has been healing me! May each of us seek to yield ourselves fully to Christ and to receive all of His provision and goodness for His glory!

I also want to thank so many of you who prayed for my healing physically. I truly am completely blown away! Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness and blessing. How can I ever thank You enough for all You have done for me? May You alone be greatly exalted here!

Thank you for being on this journey with me. What a joy!

Much love!



  • Divine Healing by Andrew Murray (Check it out for yourself. Compare it to scripture. This is a BIG topic, and for many of us, a very unfamiliar topic. Many of our churches do not talk about God’s healing being available to us. Yes, we often pray for the sick. But what do we really know about what the Bible says about physical healing?)
  • Radiant has experienced similar divine healing.  She was almost an invalid and had severe health problems for many years. She was also very spiritually oppressed because she had received many lies about God, herself, and others from the enemy. Check out a bit of her story in this post. I plan to share more from her next week.
  • FreeinChrist had a very significant disease but experienced divine healing from the Lord as she began this journey to become the woman God called her to be. I hope to share her story of healing in the near future.
  • There are a number of reasons for sickness. For more about that, please click on this link and check out the section at the bottom.




  • One of the chief benefits, then, of divine healing will be to teach us that our body ought to be set free from the yoke of our own will to become the Lord’s property. God does not grant healing to our prayers until He has attained the end for which He had permitted the sickness. He wills that this discipline should bring us into a more intimate communion with Him.(pg. 43)
  • There is reciprocity in God’s relations with man… If, in His love, He gives Himself full to me, it is in order that I may lovingly give myself fully to Him. In the measure in which I more or less really surrender to Him all my being, in that measure also He gives Himself more really to me… The more our life bears witness that the body is for the Lord, the more also we experience that the Lord is for the body. (pg. 45)
  • When we have recourse to remedies for healing, all the attention of the sick one is upon the body, considering the body, while divine healing calls us to turn our attention away from the body and to abandon ourselves, soul and body, to the Lord’s care, occupying ourselves with Him alone. (pg. 49)
  • Just abide before Him in the simple, utter helplessness of one who knows nothing, and is nothing, and can do nothing. Absolute dependence upon God is the secret of all power in work. (pp. 138-139)
  • With all your hurry and effort in Christ’s work, you never prosper. The first thing you need is to come and rest in your Lord Jesus… If you would be a true branch of Christ, the living Vine, just rest on Him. Let Christ bear the responsibility (of accomplishing the work). (pg. 139)
  • Oh, how many Christians look upon it as a burden, and a tax, and a duty, and a difficulty to get much alone with God! That is a great hindrance to our Christian life everywhere. We need more quiet fellowship with God, and I tell you in the name of the heavenly Vine that you cannot be healthy branches, branches into which the heavenly sap can flow, unless you take plenty of time for communion with God.If you are not willing to sacrifice time to get alone with Him, and give Him time every day to work in you, and to keep up the link of connection between you and Himself, He cannot give you that blessing of His unbroken fellowship. (pg. 143)
  • Oh, we find the Christian life so difficult because we seek for God’s blessing while we live in our own will. We would be glad to live the Christian life according to our own liking. We make our own plans and choose our own work, and then we ask the Lord Jesus to come in and take care that sin shall not conquer us too much, and that we shall not go too far wrong; we ask Him to come in and give us so much of His blessing. But our relations to Jesus ought to be such that we are entirely at His disposal, and every day come to Him humbly and straightforwardly, and say, Lord, is there anything in me that is not according to Thy will, that has not been ordered by Thee or that is not entirely given up to Thee? Oh, if we would wait and wait patiently, there would spring up a relationship between us and Christ so close and so tender that we would afterward be amazed how far distant our intercourse with Him had previously been. (pg. 145)


70 thoughts on “A Summer of Healing

  1. April – I am overjoyed (if that indeed is possible) at your report of how God is working and healing in your life. I praise Him for your presence in my life. <

    1. ronfurg,

      I am in such awe of the Lord! Can’t wait to learn more and to trust Him even more and more. I have been praying for greater faith for quite some time. I can’t begin to even count the blessings! Thanks for rejoicing with me over the healing the Lord has brought about and the sin He exposed so I could repent and receive His goodness.

      Thank you for your prayers and your faith in Jesus and all of your encouragement!

  2. April, you might find encouragement from Dan Mohler’s message in his youtube video’s. He is all about God’s Heart for us, about loving God and loving people, about identity. He teaches about healing, not as a method, not from a ‘try-if-it-works’ mentality, but from the perspective of God’s love toward his children, revealed in Christ. Dan’s testimony and his message about why it is God’s will to heal is so totally scriptural, so clear and so pure and convicting. You might want to check him out. Love and blessings, healing and health to you!

    1. Sylvia,

      I am not familiar with Dan Mohler. Thanks for sharing. What you are describing sounds very similar to what Andrew Murray said. He talks about that, primarily, we are to be completely yielded to the Lord in faith and trust and to repent of any sin. Sometimes sickness is to get our attention to lead us to spiritual growth – as I believe is the case for me. Murray has a very scriptural approach. The topic of healing seems like sometimes it can get a bit crazy. So we definitely want to be on guard to check anything any spiritual teacher has to say against scripture. But anything that jives with sound doctrine and scripture, I want to receive!

      I really hadn’t studied all of the verses in scripture about God’s physical healing or about how physical healing and the gospel went together. I had to challenge a LOT of my old thinking this summer – and I know I will continue to as I continue to seek His face. Yes, God loves us so dearly. And His power to heal and save are mighty. We don’t talk about that much in our churches in the West today, it seems. I’m so excited to learn more and more about Him and to trust Him more and to grow in faith so I can experience His goodness more than ever.

      Thanks for the encouragement and prayer. 🙂

      1. April, you are so awesome! I love you. I appreciate everything that you do and share to help others. you are my mentor and I don’t know what I’d do without you. this has come at perfect timing for me. I have some health ailments that I try to treat myself in a holistic way and I have felt in the past that God wanted me to give up everything that I depended on and trust him. I consulted with my husband and he felt I should still continue to try and take care of myself the best I knew how and not to let that slide and I so I took his advise. I again feel as if I should give up my nutrition drink, my supplements, possibly my bioidentical hormones, my digestive enzymes, etc. and then trust God. even if I made myself better, then I would feel the pressure that I had to continue all of this to take care of myself. I want to fully depend upon him. it’s the only way to fully surrender.

        1. Monica,

          It was wise of you to check with your husband. God leads us, so very often, through them.

          I personally stopped all prescriptions last year and all OTC meds in May. Beginning July 13th, I also have been on a fast from my supplements until I know for sure what I believe the Lord desires me to do about them.

          Praying for God’s wisdom, healing, and spiritual growth for you, my precious sister!

        2. Sometimes ‘fully surrendering to Him’ means taking supplements. God expects us to use what we have been given to the best of our ability. Unfortunately, man has destroyed a lot of nutrients in our food. And so supplements are necessary. If you give up all these things and despite eating as healhy as possible still get sick, then you have done it to your detriment. So please do not assume because you ‘feel’ you should give these up that it is he Lords will. Please do not misunderstand, i think people rely on meds too much. But ive seen too many people give it all up rather hastily and its had disasterous consequences. So please do so wih caution and Gods wisdom.

          1. Anon M,

            Yes, may we each seek the Lord and His clear wisdom and direction. 🙂 His Spirit and discernment are greatly needed!

            One thing I wish Andrew Murray would speak about in his book is the way Paul addressed Timothy and encouraged him to have “a little wine for his stomach” most likely because the water was not clean. There are times when remedies are wise. I think it is critical to watch our motives, though, and to be sure our faith is in the Lord much more than the supplement or remedy.

            Much love!

      2. Just want to add that Dan Mohler is a very sincere and humble man. He himself never posted any video’s. He doesn’t even own a computer. I have never seen or heard anyone like him. He lives the gospel and he lives Christ… 🙂 <3

  3. April, first off, WOW! What a wonderful prayer partner you have! And I am sure she feels the very same about you…
    Secondly, I just want to say how amazing our Lord is. He has used you to speak into so many people’s lives, mine included, to walk them into being a peaceful wife, and now, isn’t it amazing that He has brought you into this new season of teaching this huge audience about His healing power! This truly is the season that He is wanting His people to be healed and to walk in wholeness. I have heard from so many friends who are learning so much regarding this very same subject.
    More videos you may want to share are Dr. MK Strydom. What revelation she is sharing with the body…
    Blessings on your journey!!

    1. mission61,

      I have seen the Lord heal a number of my friends and family members. He is definitely at work in a big way! May we each be sensitive to His Spirit and His Word. May we walk in greater and greater faith and spiritual maturity as we give Him full reign in every area of our lives.

      Thanks so much for sharing and rejoicing with me in the Lord!

  4. April, good to see you back from your break 🙂 This is a timely post for me. About six months ago, I was talking to a friend who like me, has issues with physical condition. As we were talking, she said something about developing a certain kind of physical condition as a result of her excessive weight gain. In a mode similar to hearing a friend say `Oh, I love chocolate cake…. and responding with really, me too“! I just casually said, `Oh, I know what you mean! I have begun having the same problem and need to do something about it too“. We all do this as a form of relating or bonding, without thinking, perhaps express enthusiasm for a thing we aren`t really that interested in, because the other person is, or some other form of alignment as a way of just belonging, being part of the group or sharing in the fellowship of the moment. Or even trying to ameliorate a friend`s sense of shame or struggle with a particular problem by expressing a form of solidarity. Understandable and human, yes. Wise and the proper course of action, well I no longer would say so.

    The thing was, I really didn`t have the same problem; I did have a hint of pain in that area now and then, or a sense of strain if I had to do something strenuous, but at that moment, I did not truly have that problem. Almost the very day I said the words, guess what – I began to have that problem, sometimes to the point now that it actually makes it difficult to sleep from the pain and discomfort.

    Years ago I belonged to a Word of Faith church that took this principle to the extreme, believing that what you say is what you get and so people who confessed that they were depressed or sorrowing were rather than being comforted, told to get their confession right and in line with the word of God. Yet scripture says to comfort those who mourn. The extreme it was taken to amounted to denying the reality of what had already happened. It also bordered on trying to claim God`s authority for ourselves. I think this is where such teaching spins out of control and into error and wordliness; our words have the power of life when they align with God, submit to His will, His heart and His agenda and principles. They have the power of death when they don`t. It also says in scripture that some are sick and some sleep because of sin, in that instance, eating and drinking in a way that disrespected the body of Christ during communion if I am not misaken. Of course we can put things to death by our confession of the cross and the saviour and by our confessed agreement with God`s word so that`s a good kind of death. But we listen to ourselves and our own words affect our thinking, and our heart`s attitude. Like a circulating pump that picks up whatever is there and sends it out and brings it back.

    So while my word of faith friends went off into error, pride and worldliness, the base idea was still correct in the sense that faith and agreement with God and His word brings life and faith and agreement with anything out of alignment with it can bring you trouble. Considering all the stuff we say that is less than godly, obviously God`s grace holds back more of the consequences of our actions than we realize. No wonder Jesus said we would give an account for every idle word we have spoken. They are not neutral and they are reflective of so many things in our lives.

    I wonder if that Andrew Murray book is online anywhere for free ( I much prefer hard copies because I love reading but you never know 🙂

    1. SevenTimes,

      That is really interesting about your conversation with your friend and then what happened with your body. Wow! I know that our thoughts impact our health. But I guess it is coming home to me more and more just how big of an impact it can be.

      I never belonged to a Word of Faith church. That extreme is something that I have always wanted to avoid. I’m glad you brought that up. Thank you!

      Yes, it is my understanding that there is healing power in our words on many levels when we align our hearts, thoughts, motives, and words with God and His truth. And there is destructive power in our words on many levels when we align our hearts, thoughts, motives, and words against God and His truth.

      Yes, there is a passage that says that some Christians in Corinth were sick and some had died as a result of taking the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy manner. That is VERY sobering!

      I appreciate your explanation and thank you so much for sharing these insights.

      Much love, my dear sister!

  5. Thank you a million times over for sharing this! I am going through the exact same thing now and had an especially hard weekend battling with this same thing in my life and also with my babies. Much needed

    1. newcreation,

      I’m so glad this was a blessing. I pray all of us might take a dive much deeper into faith in Christ in ways that bring great glory to His Name. 🙂

  6. This is so timely, I have had health issues for twenty five years and have been on a strict dietary protocol for the last eight months. I’m exhausted and feeling frustrated, Feeling a bit better but not ultimately healed yet. I know my faith in Christ has been weak around the subject of my health. I’m so glad you are feeling better and have shared your thoughts and resources of Devine Healing. I’m going to read it asap..God bless you!

    1. Annie,

      I pray that God’s Word might bless you, and Murray’s book, as well. It does get very frustrating trying to be on a perfectly strict diet all the time and living in fear of eating something wrong and then being sick. I’m excited to see what God has in store for you spiritually and physically. Let me know how you are doing! I pray for God’s healing for you on every level and that He might set you free from any bondage of the enemy so that you can live totally devoted to Him and be useful and fruitful for Christ!

  7. Hi April,
    Welcome back! I’m so happy that you took time to reconnect with God and your family and I’m happy to have you back.
    Thank you for this very honest and timely post.
    Although I don’t have any physical challenges, this post really resonated with me. I’ve been having financial challenges for the past few years and it has been causing my husband and me a lot of stress. I have been speaking death into my finances – complaining about money and all the things we can’t afford and things have only gotten worse. I realize that I need to start speaking scriptural truths into my finances like “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want”. I also need to thank and praise God for providing for us. I need to allow the peace of Christ to rule in my heart and be grateful (Col 3:15). We may have a lot of bills and loans but we live in a beautiful home in a safe neighborhood and we have food on the table. I need to thank and praise God for all the ways he is providing for my family and stop complaining about my loans and expenses.
    From tonight, I will start back reading the Bible and journaling to get scripture into my head. I realize that we need to keep soaking our minds in the word of God to avoid going down the wrong path.
    Lots of love,

    1. Nikki,

      That is really interesting how you are seeing that what you are saying about your finances is speaking death. I’m so grateful that God used this post to bless you and I LOVE that you see you want to change your approach and get rid of the negative and complaining words and replace them with thanksgiving and praise for God.

      I also love that you are going to get back into the Word. There is no way to be strong spiritually when we are starving ourselves of private time with God and in the Bible.

      Woohoo! I’m so excited! Please let us know how you are doing! I pray for God to take you much deeper in faith and spiritual maturity through this very trial and pray for Him to empower you to have a godly, positive attitude toward your finances and His ability to provide for every need.

  8. Wow, April! What a great post. It’s so easy to get caught up in the “I could do better if…” habit, especially when chronic illness saps our energy. Praise God that He is bringing you to a better place. If I could offer a piece of practical, health related advice: consider adding fermented foods to your diet.

    If you’re eating healthy, you don’t have to get rid of anything, just add these in. After going down a similar path of declining health for a decade, then trying to find my way out first through western medicine, then holistic medicine, I had a real health crisis a couple of years ago which caused an array of new digestive and other issues I’d never had before. I believe the Lord led me to my own path of healing with fermented foods. If you’ve taken a lot of medications, the bacteria in your gut may be seriously out of balance, which research is now showing may contribute to everything from IBS to ADHD, allergies, autism, Alzheimer’s, diabetes and more. I believe God made our bodies to work well and heal themselves if we give them the right tools. Healthy bacteria help you digest the foods you eat so they are less stressful on the gut, strengthen your immune system, absorb more nutrients, etc. I started with a book called “Cultured Food for Health” by Donna Schwenk. She also has a website If you decide to check it out, start with her story, then Lives Touched. You will be amazed how the foods God gave us can help your body heal itself.

    I realize you probably won’t post this comment, but I just had to share this info with you. It’s the single most beneficial health decision I’ve ever made and I tell anyone and everyone who will listen what these foods have done for me so that I can be my best self to serve the Lord in good health.

    Many blessings to you, thank you for all you do!

    1. Lisa,
      Thanks so much! I had added fermented foods over 2 years ago as part of my anti-inflammatory diet.

      Much love, my precious sister! I’m so thankful you are doing much better! Praising God with you!

  9. This kind of makes it seem like if anyone struggles with a disease or health issues it’s their fault in some way. My baby was born with significant health issues and died at two months old. Was that a result of his sin or my sin? I highly doubt it. You have to be careful with this topic I think. It almost falls in line with, if you pray a certain way or hard enough, everything you ask God will happen the way you want and it’s just not true.

    1. Ashley,

      I am SO VERY SORRY to hear about your baby’s illness and death. 🙁 Sending you my deepest sympathy, my precious sister!

      I agree that we absolutely do have to handle this topic very carefully. I don’t believe that every sickness is a result of a specific sin. I don’t believe the Bible teaches that – in fact, Jesus counters that line of thought when he was about to heal the blind man in John 9.

      I do know that God showed me specific sins in my own life in the past few weeks that seem to be related to my chronic illness issues as I invited Him to expose any sin in my life. The other women I mentioned who have received great healing in this post had been under major spiritual oppression and had been embracing many lies of the enemy. As they renounced the lies and received God’s truth, they received spiritual and physical healing.

      But not every situation is the same. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your concerns. I think it is possible to take the concept of Jesus healing people physically, and almost any teaching in scripture, to unbiblical extremes. It is critical that we understand sound doctrine.

      There are a number of reasons for sickness. I actually mentioned them in the post from May:


      Disease was not part of God’s original design for us or for creation. But after sin entered the world, disease is now part of life because we are in a fallen world. There are several causes of disease, according to the Bible:

      1. Disease exists because sin is in the world in general.

      2. Disease can be a result of a person’s individual sin (i.e.: STDs, gluttony, addictions, anorexia/bulemia, etc… 1 Cor. 6:18-20, Romans 1:27, or other sins James 5:14-15).

      3. Disease can be a result of another person’s sin (i.e.: King David’s baby with Bathsheba got sick and died because of David’s sin 2 Sam. 11).

      4. Disease can be a result of Satanic attack (i.e.: Job 1, Mark 9:14-29).

      5. Disease can happen if we take the Lord’s Supper “in an unworthy manner” (1 Cor. 11:27-31).

      6. Disease can be in our lives so that God might be glorified when He heals us (John 9:3, James 5:14-15).

      7. Suffering in general can be a training tool and a test that God uses in our lives to refine us, grow our faith, and bring about greater spiritual growth (James 1, 1 Peter, Romans 5:3-5, 2 Cor. 4:17, Heb. 12:4-12)

      8. Disease can result from the way we think (Prov. 17:22) – if we believe lies about ourselves and reject God’s truth, that can make us sick. (You are welcome to read posts here by “Radiant” – she was almost an invalid because of spiritual oppression and lies she had believed about herself, God, and others. When she began to receive God’s truth and love and reject the lies she had been telling herself, God healed her very dramatically.)

      9. Disease/plagues can be a judgment of God in some situations (Gen. 12:17, Ex. 15:26, 1 Sam. 6, Rev. 6:8 ).

      10. Disease can be part of the consequences of our own choices, maybe choices that are not even sinful. For example, sometimes we are exposed to radiation, lead, or toxins through no fault or knowledge of our own.

      I don’t know exactly why any particular person may be facing an awful disease or suffering. I don’t have access to all of God’s wisdom and knowledge.

      What I do know is that our God is sovereign. And He loves each of us beyond our ability to fathom. Nothing that enters into our lives may come without His permission. God, whose motives toward His children can only be good, promises to use anything and everything in our lives – all of the good and bad – ultimately for our good and His glory because we belong to Him. That is a promise to all believers (Romans 8:28-29).


      What Does the Bible Say about Suffering?

      Verses about suffering

      Verses about sickness

      Posts about disease and God’s will✓&

      Posts about God’s sovereignty✓&

      Much love and a huge hug to you!

      1. I would encourage anyone who is interested in understanding what the Bible teaches about disease, the cause of disease, healing, and God’s sovereignty to pray, study, read the Word, and seek to understand. I don’t believe that scripture teaches it is necessarily sin to go to a doctor, to use medications, or to use supplements, exercise, or a healthy diet. But if my faith is primarily in earthly things rather than in Jesus – I have a problem. And that is exactly where I was for a long time.

        Please do compare any human teacher’s words to scripture. Invite God to speak His truth to you through the only source of absolute truth, the Bible. Receive everything that is from Him. Reject everything that is not from Him.

        Much love!

      2. Thanks April, this is very good and helps me to be greatly encouraged by the solid balance of God`s ways, His mercy and justice; imbalance is scary and this counters it.

        1. Seventimes,
          Yes, imbalance of scriptural teaching leads to false teaching and is scary. May the Lord give us His Spirit and His wisdom and discernment so that we might each handle His Word rightly.

    1. jesuscentreoflife,

      Thank you for rejoicing with me. I pray God will continue His good work in you, dear brother, to completion. May He be greatly glorified in your life and marriage.

  10. Some thoughts from Radiant who was extremely spiritually oppressed and physically ill for a number of years to the point that she was almost an invalid until God miraculously healed her physically and spiritually about 3 years ago:


    The main thoughts that come to our Western Post-Modern minds when we are confronted with ideas of God still speaking, healing, doing miracles, signs and wonders or giving gifts are things like:

    1. I haven’t experienced or seen this in real life. Or maybe I experienced it financially, but not with healing. Or maybe I have heard God say something once, but haven’t seen miracles. Or maybe I saw someone saved miraculously, but haven’t seen God calm a storm. (Jesus’ disciples had these same issues)

    2. Therefore – either

    (A) I am doing something wrong (I don’t have enough faith, I don’t deserve healing/hearing from God/being used by God supernaturally),
    (B) God has not done good in my life – or has withheld good that was in His power to perform (which makes Him unfaithful or untrustworthy),
    (C) or this idea is a lie (so I can’t trust the person/people who say these things happen in real life – and these people are dangerous. And come to think of it – I have seen crazy people saying things like this are real).

    3. If any of those thoughts are true – then I am angry.
    – Angry at me for not being good enough.
    – Angry at God for not being good – and really feeling unsafe with Him
    – or angry at people who say God does heal/ raise the dead/ give gifts of the Spirit/ do miracles/provide financially in a miraculous way/ speak/ give visions etc… for lying and giving false hope or high expectations that will just be crushed under life’s heavy weight again.

    Or, I am angry at their subtle assumed accusation that if I just had enough faith – I would have health/wealth and prosperity. I know that is not in the Bible.

    Can you see how – my main thoughts were about me, anger and pain when it comes to this topic?

    Where – in my initial reactions about God and thinking about if He heals/does miracles today or not – was I just lifting up Jesus? Praising Him? Seeing what a good, good Father we have? Feeling not abandoned in this world – but knowing I am loved and taken care of?

    My mind wasn’t on praise at all – my thoughts were on earthly things – justifying my experiences and beliefs – feeling like I have a complete understanding of God and how He works. If something doesn’t fit in my box about how God works – it can’t be true. (This is actually pride – eek!). And being angry and bitter because I have experienced great pain in this world – and I have seen its ugly work in everyone I love. And the thought that any of that could have been prevented- well – it goes against my whole paradigm of life. My heart hurts. It is not open to this idea. My thoughts are on me and all of the reasons why God couldn’t work this way – or wouldn’t He have done things differently in my life and the people around me?

    Romans 8 says the mind set on things of the flesh (our way, self, worldly thinking) is death.

    My thoughts of God have been that He is the One that causes much of what happens – after all – He is sovereign, right? And therefore – I felt abandoned when suffering came. When His silence came. When prayers seemed unanswered. I thought it must be His will that xyz awful thing happened.

    I went to doctors or holistic healers for health problems, counselors for emotional/mental problems, educators for lack of knowledge and learning problems, pastors and self-help books for spiritual problems, and mechanics for car problems. I got some help. Life kept moving forward. Somehow I made it through crisis after crisis. I could even sing praise songs and have a thankful list and smile. I even prayed a lot for other people. (After giving up on praying about myself.)

    But what if God is much more Good, Giving, Loving and full of joy than we have allowed ourselves to think? And what if me being angry about these things actually stems from a lack of knowledge?

    Isaiah 5:13
    But they do not pay attention to the deeds of the LORD, Nor do they consider the work of His hands. Therefore My people go into exile for their lack of knowledge; And their honorable men are famished, And their multitude is parched with thirst.

    But- we would argue – we grew up in the Church. We know God’s word. We know His ways and His promises. We know His power. We know all about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We know about prayer and faith. We already know!

    I thought I did, for sure!

    But God has this persistent way of opening our eyes to Himself, His Truth, His love, His way – and revealing Who Jesus really is to us, His beloved Bride.

    Would you say that you and your church, the churches you know, and the Church in the USA are full of the fruits of the Spirit? Full of new believers who are being well trained and discipled and sent out? Overflowing with love and unity? Full of awe at God and His ways? Full of praise and thankfulness and boldness? The kind of church the gates of hell can’t stand against? Hmm…

    Or does it seem more often that we are feeling captive, famished, and parched? Maybe a form of godliness without the power.

    If we are feeling empty, hopeless, disappointed, abandoned, destroyed, ruined, hungry, thirsty, needy, sick, in mourning, fearful, angry or burdened – Jesus says:

    “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:28-30)

    Let’s seek His face. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

    Let’s invite Him to reveal more of Who He really is to us. Let’s invite the Holy Spirit into every dark, cold and hurting place in our hearts, spirits, minds, bodies, relationships and churches. He is our Comforter and Teacher. He is with us.

    Let’s ask our Father to show us His goodness and His love for us.

    He loves to give good gifts! Let’s ask, seek and knock. Let’s believe there may be more that God wants to say and do than we have yet seen. And it could be so amazing!!


  11. Thank you April! I really enjoyed this post. I have been also struggling with many health issues and I realize that some of them are related to fear, anxiety and unbelief. I have repented and I am seeking God in my health also and trying to understand where the balance is in healthy eating but not making it a focus. Then I end up just eating whatever is easy and usually then it’s junk food! Maybe unhealthy eating for me is a sign of an unsurrendered heart in this area? It’s hard to find a balance for me. And I struggle to discern God’s will to what exactly IS the best diet me. Practically, What does Godly healthy lifestyle and look like for those who have been healed and enlightened in this area?

    I do plan on reading Andrew Murray’s book. Thanks again for this article. And I’m glad you are back!

    1. Mom27,

      I definitely understand that balance is really tough. Eating healthy but not being obsessive about it is tricky. I think as we keep our eyes on the Lord and on just delighting in Him and desiring to please Him and be totally yielded to Him – we can learn to eat and drink for His glory. I don’t think it is about lots of rules. I think it is about making wise decisions about food, but the main focus is on the love, grace, and wonder of Christ. And just on thanksgiving and wanting to live well for Him as godly stewards.

      I’m still working through this. It is easy to want a list of rules or certain diet. But I don’t think it is about that as much as it is about godly wisdom – not being gluttonous. Not purposely eating junk that will make our bodies not function well. But not being anxious about food or freaked out about following a super strict healthy diet.

      It has been so amazing to just make a nice supper for my family and for me to get to eat the same thing and to just receive it with joy. Very freeing.

      Much love!

  12. Amen! I am so pleased to hear about this.God is good indeed. I too have taken note of the words I speak over my health,how negative they are,how I don’t trust the Lord. Science actually observes this truth too, people who pray, who have faith, tend to have much better outcomes,less suffering and discomfort.

    Kind of cute, a while back I met some very spry and beautiful 80 yr old women and asked how they managed to stay so young. They told me you just ask the Lord to bless you with youth and beauty and then have faith. Funny, because that’s so simple, I never thought of it! So many of us don’t even think to ask,instead focusing on our symptoms and discomforts as if they are inevitable. Some of them might be,but it’s astounding how much He will take away if we just ask for healing.

    1. insanitybytes22,

      Yes, our negative or positive thoughts, even apart from faith in Christ, make a big difference on our health. It is amazing. But then to have faith in the one true God and to speak His truth – there is so much power that I have often missed. I don’t want to miss it any more. God kept bringing to mind over the past few weeks the passage about how people will be in the last days and how they will have a form of godliness but deny His power. I don’t want to deny His power!

      That is really interesting about those women.

      I pray we might begin to delve into this area that is very new and strange for some of us and that we might learn, grow, and handle His Word rightly.

      Much love!

  13. Just a reminder – I have been a pharmacist for over 20 years. I have seen God use medicine and doctors to heal. Murray actually has a chapter about that where he describes how God can use remedies and doctors to bring healing. Then he contrasts it with divine healing that is based on the Lord’s power alone. It was interesting and brought a new angle for me to consider.

    Much love!

  14. Hello April,

    I would like to know if you (or other readers) have any practical advise on how to have this fellowship / communion / alone time with God.

    I never experience Him or the Holy Spirit. I know He lives in me and have also grown a lot lately in hearing His voice. But whenever I sense He is calling me to ‘just be with Him’ or something like that, and I lay aside all my own plans (which is quite a struggle usually 🙂 ) and wait on Him…. nothing happens.
    It is so frustrating and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

    A few weeks ago I waited for 3 hours. I have two very young kids, and this was all the time I had someone else watching the eldest who is a toddler…. So I basically gave Him everything of my precious ‘me time’!! and I was worshipping and praying and trusting and everything, and just nothing happened again…..

    I know He also speaks through His word and through other believers, or that I might notice afterwards that things have changed. I also know that what I feel is not the most important. But what is the point of waiting on Him when I don’t feel anything happening? Should I just trust that He fills me and refreshes me without me feeling it?!
    I am so thirsty for Him and it seems so weird that He would ask me to trust Him and not rely on other people’s love and approval, and than just leave me hanging when I come to Him for those very same things.

    I have been following your blog for quite a while now and God has used it so much in my life and my marriage. I am so grateful for it.


    1. audienceofone,

      I am so glad you are reaching out!

      Would it be okay if we do a bit of a spiritual check up together so maybe I can get a better pulse on what is going on?

      And, I think it could be important to also define – what is it that you expect to happen, exactly?

      Much love to you!

      1. Hi April,

        Thanks for your comments again. It’s so nice of you that you are taking time for this.

        As for the questions you asked. I have been thinking about them for the last few days and I don’t feel that answering them here would be the way to go now. I think a lot of the problems I encounter in knowing, trusting and obeying God I am already receiving help for as they stem from my past/youth and especially my relationship with my parents. I don’t feel like that’s what your blog is for? Maybe I am wrong. I really do appreciate your willingness though!
        Some comments I can make: I have a good church, believe the Bible to be true and the lies are very clear to be lies. 🙂

        I found it very interesting to read what you mentioned will happen the more I allow God to have control. The thought that arises is this: I actually wish it was the other way around! How would one trust Him enough to submit themselves to Him, when they have not first heard Him speak? 🙂 As a person who’s trust has been ‘damaged’ by other people’s actions, just saying “this and that Bible verse says He is good” doesn’t help. It’s not just that I don’t ‘feel’ He is good. I actually ‘feel’ He is NOT good, even though I rationally know that’s a lie. I would need healing first.
        So who’s to take the first step, then? 🙂
        I have watched your video on taking thoughts captive a while ago, already. And I realize that probably it is a two way street AND a loooooong process. Just wanted to add this thought though.


        1. audienceofone,

          You are certainly free to receive any help I can give to to choose to look elsewhere. I have worked through similar issues with many women. But that is entirely your decision. 🙂

          We have all absorbed and believed lies to some degree before we come to Christ. We all hear Satan’s voice loud and clear when we really can’t perceive God’s voice well yet. What you can do is continue to read the truth and choose to reject the lies even though they “feel right” and choose to receive God’s Word and His healing. You can ask for help with the lies you struggle with from the Lord. And you can keep in mind that all of the lies Satan tells us about God are actually true about himself. It is Satan who is NOT good, who wants to harm us, who doesn’t care about our well being. He has been enjoying having a lot of free reign in your mind over the years and loves not being questioned.

          The first step is to decide, if the Bible is true and these things are really lies that I have been believing, then I am going to (with God’s help), tear out every single lie and very purposely and consciously replace every one with the truth of God and build my life on Him and His truth alone from this moment on. I will no longer depend on my changing and untrustworthy feelings. I will only depend on the absolute truth of the Bible.

          You are also welcome to search my home page for things like:

          – emotions
          – feelings

          And the post yesterday may also be a great blessing, as well as Cinderella and the Gospel.

          Yes, it takes faith to do this. But the faith and action in faith come first. Then the healing. That is always how it works with the Lord.

          Much love!

          1. Hi April,

            took me a while to respond. I was battling a major legalist “now I have to replace all the lies with the truth – or else” – attack for some days until the Lord told me again that He is very patient… and He is not judging me for still believing lies.

            To be honest I don’t really know how to ‘start’. How do you do this? Are you writing everything down? (And how on earth would you find time to do that ?!? ) Or do you do it in your mind when you recognize a lie popping up?

            I really loved the post by Radiant that you mentioned. It was so beautiful and encouraging. But also a bit frustrating, because I feel like I have invited Him so many times already… it just doesn’t seem to make a difference. Maybe I should be more patient, but I feel like my life could be used so much more by God if He would speed up that process!


            1. audienceofone,

              My precious sister! This is not a legalistic thing! This is a healing thing. 🙂 It is not that you have to figure it all out and do all of the work. It is that you rest at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to gently expose the toxic lies and you allow Him to help you replace them with His truth that will set you free.

              To me, it is helpful to look at common lies we tend to believe – like in this post. Just take a few at a time. Invite the Lord to show you if you have received any of the lies of the enemy of your soul. Invite Him to help you receive His truth instead and to rebuild your heart, mind, and life on His truth. One at a time.

              Following Jesus isn’t really about speeding up. It isn’t about trying harder. It is about receiving from Him and receiving His work on our behalf. It is about being a sheep and allowing Him to be our Good Shepherd. Humbling ourselves and giving Him control. Waiting. Listening. Resting.

              These are difficult concepts at first. I am honored to walk beside you on this road. It is not an instantaneous thing, generally. It is kind of like eating an elephant. Just take a few bites today and digest it. Receive God’s goodness. Be open to getting rid of anything He says is poison so that you can receive His goodness and healing.

              Much love to you!

          2. Hi April,

            This is very beautiful: “It is that you rest at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to gently expose the toxic lies and you allow Him to help you replace them with His truth that will set you free.”
            I think that’s what I’ve been learning to do for the last 15 years already… It just brings me back to my initial question: how do I abide in Him, how do I actually rest at His feet? Maybe it’s different for everyone…
            And how much time need someone spend on it, on a daily basis? I feel like if I take more than an hour to be with God, it would not be very responsible towards my husband and kids.


            1. audienceofone,

              There are many facets to abiding in Christ. That is an awesome question!

              Things like:
              – meditating on His Word, allowing His truth to fill you up.
              – getting rid of any lies.
              – enjoying His love.
              – praising Him in your heart and by singing.
              – receiving the good things He gives you.
              – desiring to know Him more.
              – learning to hear His voice and prompting.
              – longing to be in the center of His will.
              – giving up self and this world in your heart.
              – seeking His glory alone.
              – being still and just focusing on allowing Him to heal your heart and restore your soul with His Words and His Spirit.
              – spending significant time with Him.
              – rest in His sovereignty.
              – Allow His Words to transform your heart, mind, and soul.
              – Receive your identity and security in Christ.
              – Focus on finding your contentment in Christ alone.

              The amount of time is up to you. But the more time you spend, the more you get to know Him. Yes, there does have to be a balance so that you are caring for and loving your family, as well.

              And – you can practice focusing on Him throughout the day. Focus on thanksgiving, praise, and trusting God with the things that come up.

              Much love!

              Here is a post that may be helpful:

    2. Hi April,

      Thank you for your reply.

      Spiritual checkup sounds good 🙂

      I don’t exactly know what to expect. But it is possible to sense His presence, or the Spirit, right? I hear and read people about it so often.
      For example, I once read a book by Corrie ten Boom where she described that at a certain point she felt God being more distant and this was because there was a certain sin in her life that she needed to confess. I wouldn’t even know when God would withdraw His presence from me, because I don’t ever sense it anyway!

      How am I supposed to read words like: abiding in Him, resting in Him, having fellowship / communion / intimacy with Him (Andrew Murray even calls in intercourse!) ? Maybe I have wrong ideas of what that means, and I hope it does not come across as if I’m just searching for some kind of spiritual high. But I would assume this also involves feelings and not just trusting that God is present, or something.


      1. audienceofone,

        I’m so glad you are seeking God! And I am really glad you are reaching out. 🙂

        Abiding in Him starts with simple things:

        – Praising Him
        – Inviting Him to expose any sin in your heart
        – Confessing and repenting of sin and turning toward the Lord
        – Receiving all of His goodness, His Word, His promises, and His truth with joy and thanksgiving
        – Putting more and more faith in Him

        Murray calls it “intercourse” because that word was used very differently in the 1800s. It could be used to describe the relationship and interaction between any two people – it wasn’t necessarily about sex at all.

        There are times when people have spiritual highs or sense God’s presence. There are some times, although rare, where some people hear an audible voice.

        Mostly, though, the voice of God is in the Word of God, sometimes in the words of other believers, and sometimes in your thoughts – often as a whisper. You can discern God’s voice more and more clearly the more you repent of any sin and the more trust you place in Him and His truth from scripture.

        Okay, let’s do a check up! 🙂

        1. What does it mean to have a relationship with Christ? How do you believe you can have it?

        2. What are your greatest fears?

        3. What do you desire most in your relationship with the Lord?

        4. Where do you find your security, contentment, and hope?

        5. Is there anything about which you tend to feel anxious?

        6. Any known sins you have been cherishing? Bitterness, pride, self-righteousness, lust, envy, idolatry (putting something/someone else on the throne of your life), resentment, hatred, contempt, unbelief, dishonesty, etc…?

        7. Would you please check out this post Identifying the Lies We Have Embraced and let me know if you believe you may be dealing with any of these?

        Let’s get to the bottom of your expectations and also what may be creating a stumbling block to you.

        Much love!

      2. Hi April,

        thanks for your reply. I will answer your questions asap, though it’s hard to find enough computer time lately! We will be on a holiday later this month so that might be a good opportunity.

        I understand that mostly Gods speaks through His word, and other believers, and so on.
        I don’t know if I’m even talking about His speaking, or more about His presence? Should it always be speaking?

        I’ll give an example to try and explain what I mean… this winter I was in a small prayer group for a particular occasion. After one of the evenings I drove home together with a lady from my church and she said: oh I felt the Holy Spirit tonight, it was like I was on fire! One of the other women also expressed that she felt His presence. And I had been in the very same room sitting next to them and I had noticed nothing… How is that possible when He was apparently noticeable present? (maybe my answers to the questions will make that clear 🙂 )

        Thank you very much for your answers and your time.


        1. audienceofone,

          The closer you are to the Lord, the more clearly you may sense His presence at times. There are some people who hear an audible voice (usually very rarely). I haven’t personally felt “like I was on fire” or anything similar to that. But what I have noticed is that the more I allow the Lord to have control and submit myself to Him, the more clearly I can hear Him speak to me through His Word and the more of His peace and joy I have. Also, the more clarity I have when I pray and the more easily I can discern His gentle whisper.

          At first, God’s voice is very difficult to discern. Very soft and still. Easy to miss. At first, the enemy’s voice is very easy to hear. Loud. Obnoxious. Demanding.

          I vote not to have expectations of tons of feelings necessarily. But to focus on just being open and yielded to the Lord and allow Him to transform you. There are a lot of lies that are impacting your ability to be close to Him. They all need to go and be completely replaced with the truth of God’s Word.

          The more you reject Satan’s lies, the more obvious his voice will become and the more power God will give you to recognize and resist him in your thoughts. Test your thoughts. Ask yourself where each thought is coming from. Is it the truth of God’s Word or is it a lie from the enemy? I have a video about taking our thoughts captive that will help with this. If you need more resources about how to tear out the lies and replace them with God’s truth, please let me know.

          Depend on God’s promises MUCH more than your feelings. Feelings are not the main thing. They are also not always reliable or trustworthy. God’s Word is the only source of absolute truth and trustworthiness. Cling to His promises no matter what you are feeling. As you seek Him wholeheartedly and tear out wrong thinking and allow Him to help you rebuild your life on Christ and His truth alone, the feelings will likely follow many times. But they are the frosting, not the cake. Focus on the Lord, seeking Him, receiving His truth, receiving His love, allowing Him to transform you, confessing all known sin, turning from old ways to His ways.

          Much love!

      3. Hi April,

        Got some unexpected time off tonight, so I thought I’d give it a go.
        I don’t want to be too specific about everything in case someone might recognize me.
        If I ever comment on other posts about my husband and our marriage, for example, I wouldn’t want anyone to know this was him.

        About the abiding: confessing and repenting is something relatively new to me, at least to do it not in a ‘God sees everything and He will crush you’-manner.
        My background is very legalist and I sometimes find it challenging to make the transition from unhealthy fear to healthy fear of God. From really being afraid of Him to respect and reverance (both of which I hardly have).
        So this might be a key. I do believe that my sins are forgiven but I’m learning to confess to really be free, if that makes any sense.

        **1. What does it mean to have a relationship with Christ? How do you believe you can have it?**
        First to receive His sacrifice for your sins and receive His righteousness.
        And then to spend time with Him, his word and spirit, to become more and more like Him.
        In a nutshell..

        **2. What are your greatest fears?**
        Disapproval/rejection of man.

        **3. What do you desire most in your relationship with the Lord?**
        To be loved by Him, I suppose… and to be able to love others as a result. To be used by Him, to have His Spirit and love flow through me.

        **4. Where do you find your security, contentment, and hope?**
        It used to be control, perfectionism, food.
        More and more it is really becoming His love, sacrifice, acceptance, etc.

        **5. Is there anything about which you tend to feel anxious?**
        What people might think about me, what I look like, what my house looks like, what I say and do, making mistakes. To be abandoned because of this.
        Our children’s future, whether they will know and follow Jesus.
        That I will not be freed of my fears and God will not be able to use me as a result.

        **6. Any known sins you have been cherishing? Bitterness, pride, self-righteousness, lust, envy, idolatry (putting something/someone else on the throne of your life), resentment, hatred, contempt, unbelief, dishonesty, etc…?**
        Lately as I am learning to confess sins, I find myself not willing to confess some sins because then I’d have to give them up…. is that what you mean? I find it very hard to trust that God really is GOOD and means WELL with me, and to surrender all. I’ve only had people lay rules/advice on me not having my wellbeing in mind. (I’ve been receiving professional christian help for this for several years already, and lots of things have changed dramatically already. Also learning to hear His voice telling me that He is actually good and I can trust Him, but also that He is soooo patient, really is amazing and healing…)
        So I would say, the answer is Yes. It’s a work in progress though.

        **7. Would you please check out this post Identifying the Lies We Have Embraced and let me know if you believe you may be dealing with any of these?**
        Lies about Perfectionism/People Pleasing: 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 10
        Lies about God: 1, 2, 3, 4, 10, 12, 17, 18
        Lies about Self: 2, 4, 6, 11, 17
        Lies about Others: 1, 5, 12

        I hope this all makes things a bit clear.

        Thanks in advance for any insight or advice. 🙂


        1. audienceofone,

          Okay, so you are dealing with at least 21 significant lies about God, yourself, and others. That will make it really hard to trust God and to hear from Him clearly. I’m so thankful for your willingness to go through these questions and that article and to be honest about where you are right now. That is awesome! It is the first step toward spiritual healing and a deeper relationship with the Lord.

          I’m super glad that you realize that your background is impacting your view of God and where you see some of your confusion may lie right now.

          A few more questions so I can try to best understand:

          1. What was your relationship like, in general, with your dad growing up? Did you feel safe with him, loved, and cherished? Was he harsh and strict?

          2. Do you have a healthy Bible-teaching, Bible-living church right now that seeks to teach proper balance about all of God’s character – His love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, compassion, justice, truth, holiness, power, majesty, and righteousness? Or are you getting spiritually fed from somewhere like this at least online?

          3. Why would you say you have no respect or reverence for God right now?

          4. What do you believe Jesus desires most from you?

          5. Do you believe that the Bible is true and trustworthy?

          6. When you read the post about lies, are you able to see that all of those things you are struggling with are actually lies? Are you able to see what God’s truth is? Or does it seem rather confusing or murky?

          7. What do you believe it means to submit to the Lordship of Christ? Is that a scary thought?

          I invite you to search my home page for things like:

          – control
          – fear
          – people pleasing
          – perfectionism

          Much love to you!

  15. I have read so many sermons and articles by John Piper. He is a current day pastor, although he may be mostly retired now, that I trust to handle God’s Word rightly generally.

    But I had never read any of the things he wrote about healing. Honestly, it is not a subject I have ever studied. I just often assumed God wouldn’t heal or didn’t think to ask, or just trusted mostly in researching and trying to figure things out on my own.

    He has an interesting article that seems rather well balanced to me on this topic for anyone who may want to read it – from his site.

  16. My dear, dear sister!

    I am so amazed of what you are doing. Or – let me correct myself – of what God is doing through you.
    Although we do not belong to the same church, I have no doubt in my mind that you are a tool in God’s hands and His way to teach and bless so many of us. Thank you a million times!

    I have to say for myself that I am one of His very troubled and stubborn students, wandering around, rebelling, finding it very hard not to constantly stand in His way….and still, He is patiently teaching me and made me much stronger than I have ever been.

    You know that my marriage situation is very disturbing and painful one. After the miscarriage I’ve been through, I found out that my husband is going to be a father of an affair-child.
    Strikes – one after another….

    And now, after three years of being here with you, I can finally, for the first time in my life, apply the rule – “Don’t stand in God’s way and be quiet, so that He alone can speak to your husband.”

    For the first time in my life, I am not telling my husband all that he has constantly been listening from me – how selfish he is, how he has disappointed God and all of us, I am no longer showing him every possible Bible verse that he should have hade applied in his pathetic little life (yes, I was saying even that). Instead, I am humbly asking my Lord to show me and teach me everything that I have to apply in my life. And some things that he is showing me, like forgiveness for the people who has hurt me so deeply, I still am refusing. I feel like if I woud do that act of God’s grace and mercy, I would lose everything. What sense does that make??
    But, at least, I finally not just understand, but humbly admit, that I am absolutely powerless on my owm and that I truly wanna be a tool in His mighty hands… being quiet, stepping aside and receive all that He wants to teach me.

    Much love to you, my dear sister and friend!

    1. Irena Bonnie,

      Oh goodness, such a painful mess! 🙁 My heart hurts with you so much!

      I am really thankful that you realize that preaching at your husband and shaming him isn’t going to make him suddenly become the godly man you want him to be. And I am also really grateful that you want to get out of God’s way so that your husband has the best chance to hear His voice.

      I also love that you are humbling yourself before the Lord and seeking to learn and to receive truth from Him.

      I wonder, though, are you equating forgiveness with trust and reconciliation? Forgiveness isn’t actually about the people who hurt you. And if people are unrepentant, it is not about trying to restore the relationship. I have some resources on this if you are interested. Forgiveness is a command that the Lord gives to us on our end to bless us and to keep us free and open to His Spirit so that we are not filled with bitterness, hatred, resentment, and contempt. It is about trusting God to bring about justice and vengeance in His timing and His wisdom and power. It is about not holding a grudge against a person. But forgiveness doesn’t mean that the people who sinned were right or that what they did was okay. Does that make sense?

      How do you feel you would lose everything, my precious sister? Would you like to talk some more about that?

      The place where you are – that you are humble and see you are powerless. That is called “being poor in spirit.” It is the first beatitude. It is the place we must begin this journey. I am so excited to see what the Lord is about to do in your life!

      Much love and a huge hug!

  17. Hi April, it was nice to see a peaceful wife email in my inbox again. Glad you had a nice break. The note my Bible has on 1 Timothy 5:23 is…’The letter now sounds an informal note of personal concern in its advice to Timothy not to be so ascetic that he even avoids wine’.
    Prayers and blessings.

  18. I’ve been a silent reader for some time now but wanted to rejoice with you in God’s faithfulness to increase your faith and to begin to heal you as you trust in him! Such an amazing Father we have .

    What a blessing to have such a prayer partner. Have you ever considered providing a way for the women who read your blog to link up with a prayer partner? I’ve been desiring such fellowship, and know I’m not the only one who could use such accountability but doesn’t have another godly women in my personal life to walk this out with.

    God continue to bless you April! Thanks for all your sacrifice in maintaning this blog, I know it’s a blessing to me.

    1. Fallon,

      It is so wonderful to hear from you! I am still so amazed and grateful. Excited to learn more and to depend more on Him. 🙂

      I have thought about something like this a number of times in the past. Prayed about it many times. The difficulty is that I can’t really “vet” all of the prayer partners. It is difficult to screen everyone online. It would be awesome if women could find prayer partners in their own local churches. To me, that would be ideal.

      But this is certainly something we can pray about and something I pray for you specifically.

  19. When I read about George Mueller’s life, who was one of the strongest Christians in the 1800s, arguably, he actually didn’t pray for miraculous healing. That really shocked me. When his daughter was dying from tuberculosis, I believe it was, he simply resigned himself to trust God and trust His will. God did still heal her. I thought that was interesting, because Mueller asked God for so many things and had such great faith. But he didn’t ask for healing for his daughter or for his wife when she was on her deathbed. He didn’t ask specifically for healing for all of the orphans who had measles when there was an outbreak. He did ask for specific provisions for them – but not for healing. He prayed. He trusted God greatly. And simply asked for God’s will.

    I think it is fascinating to see those who are strong in faith in Christ and to see what they pray and how they think. Of course, then it is critical that I weigh whatever anyone says, even strong believers, against God’s Word and think of everything through His Spirit.

      1. Humbled Husband,

        Me, too! Especially given all that God had done for him and the incredible faith he had. But then last week, I was reading in Job and realized I don’t think Job asked for healing, either. But God did heal him, too, after the trial and test was over. Very interesting.

        1. Yes! His surrender to God’s will was such an inspiration! And yes, I hadn’t thought of that, but Job never did ask for healing did he. Hmmmm…….

          I am challenged recently to surrender some more things to Christ and I find myself not quite wanting to……I know that if I don’t I will not have peace about it, but there is a little bit of “Not my will but yours be done Lord… long as this is your will!” Which I know isn’t truly walking in surrender! Something I am wrestling with in prayer.

          Hope your health is continuing to improve! HH

          1. Humbled Husband,

            I definitely understand that temptation! Praying for each of us to continually fully yield to the Lord and His will every moment. It is a battle with our will, at times. But so worth it to do things His way. 🙂

            I’ve been doing GREAT! The best I can ever remember my health has been my whole life! I even ate pizza and a little bit of chocolate cake and was fine!?!?! That is just crazy.

            Seeking to draw nearer and to allow the Lord to expand my sites and my faith to receive all that He wants to show me.

              1. Humbled Husband,

                It is extremely surreal. Yes, I enjoyed them. And I am just thanking and praising God for food and eating and my body and health every time I eat. Many of the issues I have had – I had for over 35 years. It feels SO freeing!

              2. April, that’s fantastic, so happy to hear it 🙂 I couldn’t imagine not being able to eat certain foods, I am blessed with very good health!

                I have a small situation I am thinking through this last week. I may ask for some of your wisdom on it, with your permission. HH

Thanks for joining the discussion! Let's keep it classy and respectful. I'm so glad we can walk this road together.

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