Skip to main content
ilya-pavlov-87472

Commenting Responsibly on Marriage Blogs

The comment section is a double-edged sword, in my view.

BENEFITS OF THE COMMENT SECTION

It can be a wonderful place where we share community, encouragement, prayer, and fellowship. It can be a place where those who have more experience on this journey can mentor and bless those who are struggling. It can be a place where we experience the unity, support, and love of the body of Christ. It can be a safer place, sometimes, to share because you can share anonymously rather than talking face-to-face with people you know at church who know your husband.

Sometimes wives who haven’t learned how to respect their husbands yet start out with real pain and real questions. I want them to be able to ask questions, even if they aren’t perfect at it. I hope to teach women to learn to respect their husbands even in how they ask hard questions. We don’t have to respect sin. But we do want to show proper honor and respect for our husbands out of reverence for Christ.

I have seen many people grow and benefit from edifying conversations in the comment section here. Maybe some start out really upset and confused, but others share things God has shown them, and those who are hurting are blessed and strengthened. That is beautiful!

But, there is a dark side to the comment section, too.

PERILS OF THE COMMENT SECTION

It is possible for a wife to over share in a public online forum in a way that would cause her husband to feel disrespected or even betrayed if he knew what she shared. It is possible to gossip about our husbands or to slander our husbands online. We may humiliate them by what we share.

It is also possible for other wives, and even bloggers, to give advice that may not be biblical. Or sometimes a wife who needs godly counsel may end up feeling more confused after reading so many different opinions of other women who don’t really know her situation or who simply have opposing ideas. It is possible to take advice from other commenters or bloggers rather than seeking God and seeking to do what He is prompting. That is never wise.

It is also possible for people to attack others and create a lot of hurt feelings. I try to weed out any comments like that. And anything that is obviously hateful or divisive.

The easiest thing to do, on my end, would be to just not have comments. A lot of blogs and sites have stopped having a comment section because there are so many problems it can cause. It takes a ton of time to moderate comments, to respond to them, and to get rid of the really unproductive or hateful ones. I can see the wisdom in not having comments at all.

If there is a comment section, my prayer is that we will seek to use it wisely. It truly can be used for much good!

AVOID DISRESPECTING YOUR HUSBAND ONLINE

We will want to take care to not disrespect our husbands in a public forum. If you think you may have disrespected your husband online on a blog, you can always ask the blogger to remove your comments. Most bloggers will try to accommodate such a request. Going forward, you may just want to be more aware of how your husband might feel if he knew what you shared.

To avoid being disrespectful, I would certainly avoid sharing any identifying details about your situation that might cause others to know that it is you. And you can ask general questions or search general topics on the blog. For example, you can search “porn” and look at the articles on my blog rather than identify yourself by name and talk about that your husband is addicted to porn.

It is a serious thing to revile anyone – to speak against them abusively. But it is even more serious to speak abusively and insultingly against someone in a position of God-given authority in our lives. In fact, we can bring God’s judgment on ourselves if we speak this way about our husbands, our political leaders, our boss, police officers, military personnel, our pastors, or anyone in a position of God-given leadership.

God counts our reviling against those He has placed in positions of leadership in our lives as our reviling against Him.

If there is sin going on in the life of someone in a leadership position, we may need to address that, but we must be careful to respect God’s authority structure. (Check out Number 16 about Korah’s rebellion against Moses and Aaron and 2 Peter 2:9-11 for some biblical examples.)

It is even dangerous to revile Satan, although he is certainly evil. We are to allow God to rebuke him, and not be presumptuous and attempt to rebuke him or speak against him ignorantly and directly ourselves.

Note – people in positions of God-given authority also bring judgment on themselves if they misrepresent God to those in their care. That is the reason Moses wasn’t able to enter the promised land. He rebuked the people and struck the rock instead of speaking to it. He was angry and made it look to the people like God was angry when He wasn’t. (Numbers 20) And if someone in leadership is prideful or set himself above God, there is often swift judgment from God for that, and many other misuses and abuses of God-given authority, as well. (Nabal – 1 Samuel 25. Nebuchadnezzar – Jeremiah 43:10, Daniel 4. Herod – Acts 12:21-23)

AVOID GIVING UNBIBLICAL ADVICE TO OTHERS

I pray that we will also be very careful about any advice we may give to others online. It is impossible to know for sure what is going on with someone else online. There is no way to know if the person is telling all of the truth. There may be a lot of details she is not able to share. You don’t know the husband’s side of things.

So, let’s be very sober-minded about what we share with those who are struggling and hurting, and let’s seek to point them to Christ – not to our own snap judgments, assumptions, or opinions. There is a risk we may become “busy bodies.” Certainly, we want to avoid that.

Sometimes it can beΒ best not to give direct advice, opinions, or reasonings but to share things God has shown us or to offer prayer. And really, we should only be responding as the Spirit of God leads, not in our own wisdom. Our own human wisdom will always make things worse Β – mine included.

It may be wise for us all to pray fervently before seeking wisdom from other believers we respect. And it may also be wise for us to pray before giving any counsel.

SERIOUS ISSUES

If you have a really serious issue and you believe you need outside counseling after praying over things and seeking to listen to God, it may be best to go to a trusted, godly counselor/mentoring wife in private in person. Or you can go to www.focusonthefamily.org. They have a one-time, free, private Christian counseling service and they can often refer you to a Christian counselor near you.

(Of course, just because someone is a “Christian counselor” doesn’t mean they are going to always give biblical, godly advice. No matter who gives you advice, always weigh it against the Word of God.)

Ultimately, God’s opinion is the only one that really matters. Let’s pursue His wisdom, His truth, His healing, and His direction for us above everything else!

 

 

44 thoughts on “Commenting Responsibly on Marriage Blogs

  1. So true April. I find the comments encouraging and I learn a lot especially when my sweet sisters in Christ quote scriptures they find or situations they have been in. I’m still struggling. It seems like my battle is more fierce daily. I’m fighting hard and I thought i was following Gods will by standing for my marriage. It gets harder by the day. And I do feel safe here talking to you and the many going through similar battles. Thank you for providing this for us!

    1. Tina,

      I am so sorry to hear about how things have been getting so much harder. There is definitely a spiritual battle going on. How may we pray for you? Do you believe you may be trying to fight in your own power? How are you doing in your walk with Christ, precious sister?

    2. Tina, I understand your pain as I am currently in my own battle. I never thought I would be in this position after 20 years of marriage to my high school sweetheart but here I am. It will be a year next month since I heard those awful words that pierced my heart. I want a divorce. How could four words cause so much pain? But let me tell you, this has been the darkest season of my life, its like a death, except this person chose to leave, and he makes a conscious decision to stay away everyday.

      The first thing I did and the absolute best thing I did and choose to do everyday is turn to my best friend, comforter, confidant, and redeemer, my heavenly Father. Let me tell you I know how dark and lonely this time is and it seems the more you pray the harder it gets, but I choose to believe that my redeemer lives and he has beauty waiting for me on the other side of this.

      I love my husband but I have learned I can live without him but I can’t live without my God and I won’t do it. It is dark and I admit I don’t always hear from God like I want to or even need to, but I hold on and I wait for him. I know he will take care of me and love me like no other and I am falling more and more in love with him through this. I am new in Christ, I always felt a pulling but I ignored it and kept doing life with my husband without God, I will never go back in that direction again.

      I am struggling standing in the gap for my marriage especially since my husband has another woman and has had one since he decided to leave. Unrepentant sin is absolutely ugly but if I don’t pray for my husband who will?

      I send my love to you sister I know what you are going through it is a pain you can’t even fathom or describe. Divorce/separation is an awful road, and going against the grain and deciding to pray and stand for a seemingly dead marriage most people don’t understand or agree. But if you feel God has told you to stand then I pray you listen. I don’t understand and I’m sure you probably don’t understand why God has put this on your heart but follow his lead. It’s hard, I know, but even if God does not turn your husband’s heart back to you, think of what you have gained!! A place in heaven with your father for eternity, try to be a light in your darkness. Make your Father smile and say this is Tina my daughter in who I am well pleased. Let him be the rock you choose to stand on, he will not fail either of us this I am sure of. Joy will come!! Pray, be good to others, smile, cry when you need to then get up and thank our Father that you are still standing!! praise him in good and bad trust me I know it’s hard but do it anyway it gets easier. I will make you a part of my prayers I always pray for anyone who may be going through what I am going through, now I have a name to pray for. Stay strong my sister joy is coming!!

      1. Nakia,

        Thank you so much or sharing your story. Goodness, such a painful one! My heart breaks with you. I have to agree, when a spouse leaves, I believe the pain is worse than the pain of a spouse dying.

        BUT – I am SOOOO thankful to read of your faith in Christ and how you are discovering that you can live without your husband, even though you would love for the marriage to be restored, but that you see that you can’t live without God.

        So thankful for your willingness to share with Tina and others. Praying for God’s victory in your life and your husband’s life and that He will fulfill His promise to use all of this ultimately for His glory and your good.

        Much love and the biggest hug, dear sister!

  2. I also agree with everything you said. I do hope you will be able to keep a comments section going though because I just know some ladies have no one to go to and it makes me feel sad that some ladies have no one. And like a child once said. I know I have our Lord Jesus but sometimes I just want a real human here on Earth to help me. You know also what may be good is for us that can to create marriage classes. I’m being trained for that right now by some veteran Christian ladies. http://www.candlewindow.blogspot.com. It is so easy to miss understand stuff that is just written. One doesn’t see the other persons face or hear the voice and there is a lot of information in a persons stance etc.

    1. Tremaineamy Frank,

      Yes, for many women, this is the safest place to comment. But with it being a public forum, we do need to use discretion. Sometimes a private online forum could be an option if there is one you trust.

      It is very easy to have misunderstandings with typed communication or written communication. We can easily miss a lot of information, and it is really hard to know if the whole picture is being presented or not. Most people want to focus on their spouse’s faults and not mention their own contribution to any mess.

      That sounds exciting about a marriage class, as God may lead various women.

      Much love!

  3. Yes I agree too! I was thinking of that scripture where Jesus said that men would give an account for every careless word they spoke at the judgement (Mt.12:36 ) and other like verses that speak about giving counsel that says or implies it has the authority of God behind it. The bible says so much about what we SAY and how we use our mouths that is should be quite sobering just to do a casual read through some of the more well known verses.

    We in the Christian community are rather comfortable giving counsel that we are sure from a Christian perspective. Yet I cannot tell you how many meetings I have been in where things are being discussed like what direction to take or what to believe about a person or a situation and how to respond on that basis and I have not ONCE yet, not ONCE, been in a meeting where someone said ` Let`s spend some time inquiring of the Lord about this“. I have not even heard it suggested when its a serious situation, perhaps someone apparently caught in a sin, or accused of something, or an interpersonal situation, or what the focus of the church should be, where it was suggested that all the members present commit to a week of fasting, praying and scripture reading, without gossiping and yakking about the matter amongst themselves, to get the mind of God on the thing and then come back together and share what the Spirit was showing them. I am just as guilty of letting “lite seeking“ be my guide, and enjoying being heard, without really stopping to think about whether or not I am really representing Him or just myself.

    Given the distinct possiblily that we may be nearer to Christ`s return than we think, this is a timely warning.

    1. SevenTimes – it is extremely sobering to think about how important our words are and the impact they have.

      What a beautiful thing to see believers decide to pray and even fast before making a big decision. I love that!

      How I pray that we all, including myself, are truly hearing God’s voice and not just sharing our own wisdom, opinions, or judgment. How I pray that God might be represented accurately here and treated with utmost respect and awe. We all need Him and His wisdom so much more than anything else!

  4. Some good points. I know when I first found this blog I was brutally honest with you about what we were dealing with then. I thought of here as a safe place. It is Facebook I know I need to be more careful with. Just today a male church leader was posting there about how hard it is to keep control of a budget. And my thought reaction was “try being a submissive wife to a man who up until recently never wanted to even follow a budget.” Instead I said if he wanted to he could help my husband and I develop a budget, it would give him a new perspective, and ask his coworker who is helping us if that’s OK.I think if my husband sees that comment he is going to agree with me right there but only because I said it nicely.

    1. Ellen,

      This is where things get a bit dicey. Sometimes wives who are beginning this journey don’t yet have the tools to share respectfully, but they are in great need. Sometimes I do believe God can use interactions here to bless wives in such situations. So – I hate to not have comments available for that reason. But – if I see a wife who continues to disrespect her husband and she is not growing and repenting of sin in her own life, I have had to address that, and I may have to do so again in the future.

      I’m glad you are seeking to be especially careful on FB where your whole name is shared and everyone knows you and your husband. It is a very hurtful thing to a husband to feel betrayed by his wife sharing too much or sharing sensitive information online.

      1. Ellen,
        I have had to address husbands at various times, as well, for the same issue. I don’t want this to be a place where we put our spouses down. But primarily, where we focus on what God wants us to do. But sometimes, we do have to share a bit of detail, or no one knows what is happening. That is the quandary with a public forum.

        Much love! So glad you are doing a lot better!

  5. I added a bit this afternoon to this post – something I have been increasingly aware of lately:

    It is a serious thing to revile anyone – to speak against them abusively. But it is even more serious to speak abusively and insultingly against someone in a position of God-given authority in our lives. In fact, we can bring God’s judgment on ourselves if we speak this way about our husbands, political leaders, supervisors, police officers, military personnel, our pastors, or anyone in a position of God-given leadership. God counts our reviling against those He has placed in positions of leadership in our lives as our reviling against Him. If there is sin going on in the life of someone in a leadership position, we may need to address that, but we must be careful to respect God’s authority structure. (Check out Number 16 about Korah’s rebellion against Moses and Aaron and 2 Peter 2:9-11 for some biblical examples.)

    It is even dangerous to revile Satan, although he is certainly evil. We are to allow God to rebuke him, and not be presumptuous and attempt to rebuke him or speak against him ignorantly ourselves.

    Note – people in positions of God-given authority also bring judgment on themselves if they misrepresent God to those in their care. That is the reason Moses wasn’t able to enter the promised land. He rebuked the people and struck the rock instead of speaking to it. He was angry and made it look to the people like God was angry when He wasn’t. (Numbers 20)

  6. Hi April
    Your point about reviling and speaking abusively against others esp. leaders in positions of authority is increasingly on my radar, as I watch all the muckraking that goes on in the name of freedom of speech. Much of what is said, for instant, against the US president may have elements of truth to it as far as his behaviour and attitude goes, but it is utterly devoid of honor, respect or self-control. It`s also stuff that seems intended to inflame people`s passions. Behind it seems to be the idea that someone else’s sin supposedly relieves us of the duties of mercy, honor and self-restraint. As if it makes it okay to disrespect someone because they have somehow disrespected themselves via sin or failing.

    That`s actually pretty creepy, even predatory thinking when it’s actually thought through to its logical end. Its like saying someone`s sin stops them from being human so have at em!. Of course this is only acceptable in an increasingly godless society devoid of concepts like honor, submission, servanthood and humility.

    What does it mean to be human? Obviously more than walking upright and not grunting and swinging from trees although that might be more fun than sitting in a fluorescently lit cubicle in a cement tower breathing processed air, imho. It means to be made in the image of God, appointed as steward over all creation. A little lower than the angels. Much more to it than even the bit I know. I don`t think it means that we cannot confront sin or call evil behaviour or unjust behaviour what it is. I just think that if our reverence for God and awareness of the holy was where it should be, we would be an awful lot more restrained and humble in what we say and how we say it.

    1. I have been studying the topic of reviling those in authority lately. It is extremely sobering that we lose our spiritual power when we do this. It may seem like a small thing to us, but it is a big thing to God. Revilers don’t inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:10). “You shall not to revile God, nor curse a ruler of your people,” Ex. 22:20.

      There are a number of examples in scripture of those who reviled a God-given authority who faced immediate judgment. Sometimes, including death, directly from God.

      I know that the seriousness of this offense has been made more and more clear to me even recently. I have had to repent – even for just flippant, resentful criticism of authorities in my life. Maybe that is not as serious as reviling, but it is still unacceptable. It is not respect and honor. Perhaps this one thing could be partly why some of us are lacking in spiritual fervor and strength. It may be why we are not hearing God’s voice clearly – because we have inadvertently been cherishing rebelliousness against God’s authority in our hearts.

      When we revile those in authority, we revile God, Himself. He puts people, even very imperfect people, in positions of authority to accomplish His purposes. We can hate sin and yet, respect God’s authority structure. David is a great example of someone who had a person in a position of authority in his life who was evil, King Saul, who was trying to kill him. But he chose to honor Saul’s God-given position of authority and refused to harm him even though Saul was trying to kill David. David fled to avoid being killed. But he chose to honor God’s system of authority and was greatly blessed for doing so – 1 Samuel 24.

      The scary thing is, if we revile authority or we don’t submit properly to authority in our lives, we hinder God’s work and His will from being done in our lives and for others. It is when we properly honor those in authority that God accomplishes His will through them in our lives – in spite of them and their plans.

      There are times we may have to refuse to do something an authority wants us to do – if it is clear sin. But we can respect the position and the authority of God. We must look at the authority not the person himself/herself. This is about our submission to God, ultimately, not about the person. God chooses to use people in positions of authority in our lives to accomplish His will in our lives in ways we can’t begin to fathom.

      Jesus submitted Himself to Caesar, and all of the governmental authorities, including Pilat. He also submitted Himself to the Jewish religious authorities. He never reviled them, even though they were evil.

      1. SevenTimes,

        Those in authority may be sinful. They may be very sinful. That is not okay. But God is able to judge them and bring appropriate punishment when necessary. We can stand against sin and wrong while upholding respect and honor for God’s system and design.

        We know nothing of the purposes of God. Perhaps God brings certain rulers over certain nations at times to bring the people to their knees. Perhaps it is to bring judgment or punishment. Perhaps it is to bring about revival through a time of suffering. Perhaps it is to punish another nation according to God’s plan. God used Nebuchadnezzar to accomplish His good purposes for Israel even though Nebuchadnezzar was a prideful unbeliever. God even called him, “My servant.” God also was able to humble him greatly.

        May we pray for all of our leaders in every area – the government, business, church, family, school, military, media, economic leaders, police, etc… They all need our prayers. They need God’s wisdom. God is able to use these people, these sinful, imperfect people, to lead us in His will. Let’s pray that God will empower us to be faithful and obedient to Him in this issue. May we have restraint on our words, knowing what a serious thing this is.

        Much love!

        1. Note – If a person in a position of authority is truly abusive, there should be other authorities that person answers to that may need to be involved in helping with the situation. The police, the government, the legal system, superior officers, higher management, the church, etc…

        2. One thing I noticed is that Jesus called the Pharisees a brood of vipers, hypocrites and white washed tombs, and also referred to King Herod as “ That fox“. Since Jesus is without sin, it makes me think there must be more to it than just saying things that are disrespectful or uncomplimentary to the person`s dignity. The standard dictionary definition says that reviling is to speak abusively against but of course most dictionaries aren`t written with any concept of God or His holiness included in the meaning of words. Being called a fox or a viper is hardly complimentary language or honoring.

          The only thing I can think of that might make sense is that it has something to do with speaking against someone in a way that denies their God given authority. Maybe like Nabal. Nabal knew who King David was and it was common knowledge that he was anointed by the prophet Samuel and yet Nabal refused to honor David, bow before him or offer him typical Middle Eastern hospitality which in itself was a gross breach of manners. He spoke of David in a derogatory and demeaning way that purposefully denied David`s place in God`s order. Maybe that`s what really got David riled; it wasn`t just an insult to David or that Nabal returned evil for evil but that Nabal refused to respect God as well as man. Possibly the same deal with Miriam and her brother. They didn`t just speak disrespectfully towards Moses; they were attempting to take authority for themselves that hadn`t been conferred on them and challenging Moses. So perhaps the motive is as much or more the issue . What do you think?

          1. oops meant to say that Nabal returned evil for good since David and his men protected his stock and servants from raiders.

          2. SevenTimes,

            I think “reviling” is much more than just an insult. I does seem that in the Bible, when reviling is discussed, that it is often an affront to the person’s position of God-given authority. Jesus didn’t do that to anyone. Even when those in authority were wrong, He taught His disciples to obey the Pharisees and honor their authority – unless they were asking them to clearly sin. And He honored the authority of Caesar by paying taxes. He honored the authority of Pilat and the high priest and submitted Himself to them. Even though what they were doing was wrong.

            The Korah rebellion in Numbers is a good example of reviling – when Korah spoke against Moses and Aaron saying, “Who put you in charge over us? Aren’t all of us holy in Isreal?…. etc…” God judged Korah and his followers quite severely.

            Yes, it does seem that sometimes reviling may be an attempt to take authority from someone in a position of God-given authority. I tried to look up “revile” in a Bible dictionary online but was having trouble finding much. Will have to try another site. πŸ™‚

            From what I can understand at this point, it seems to me that if we try to usurp God-given authority, that is a big deal. And that when we do this, we are actually rebelling against God.

  7. “It is even dangerous to revile Satan, although he is certainly evil. We are to allow God to rebuke him, and not be presumptuous and attempt to rebuke him or speak against him ignorantly and directly ourselves.”

    Thanks for saying that. There was a popular Christian movie a while back that kind of bothered me. I am all for prayer warriors and spiritual warfare, but we are under protection, covered, and not to be out reviling and confronting satan all by ourselves. The book of Jude speaks of how, “But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not himself dare to condemn him for slander but said, β€œThe Lord rebuke you!”

    The idea of being undercover, under protection, can be somewhat freeing for women. You are not alone, you are not even on the front lines all by yourself in whatever struggles you face. In fact you are not even on the front lines at all, if you stand behind the Lord and trust in Him to handle it and to protect you.

    1. insanitybytes22,

      I don’t understand the spiritual world very well. But I do understand that I don’t have authority over Satan in my own power or strength. I know that God has authority over him. And I know that angels are really careful about what they say about, to, and against Satan and demons – and they know what is going on. So I sure want to be careful!

  8. I agree with all your comments April. I do feel the comments section helped me immensely when I first found your blog and was really struggling the most. I believe the Lord brought me here so that I could understand and relate to the struggles that so many women face in our marriages, so that I would realize I am not alone in my struggles, but most importantly so that my eyes would be open to HOW I was disrespectful in my marriage and sinning against God by my disrespect and trying to take control over my own life, a power I do not have.

    I honestly had no clue about Gods design for marriage and had no idea that this was an issue that other women had, that it was wrong to be controlling, or that I was even being disrespectful. The comments of other women really helped me to understand what it was that was destroying our marriage. For years I blamed EVERYTHING on my husband and was blind to this struggle of learning and understanding submission from God’s perspective. The experiences of other women helped me to find comfort and understanding about what was going on in My own marriage.

    That being said, I understand more as I continue on this journey how important it is not to disrespect my husband by blaming him, complaining about his shortcomings, etc. Especially along with identifying details. But I have found, as well, as I have continued on this road, my desire to do so is no longer there. God has shown me that I can only walk my own journey, and I must really truly love my husband for who he is right now – not conditional on who I thought he should have been.

    I have also been focusing on only what is good about my husband and refusing to get caught up in what I think his faults are. The more I focus on finding the good, and appreciating the good in my husband on a daily basis, the more I am finding he responds in ways that shows me he IS the person I wanted him to be, I just was smothering him in many ways by my desire to do it my way and on my terms.

    Mind you, I don’t consider myself at all to have become a doormat. I do not feel lessened by biblical submission like the world tries to teach, and I do not turn a blind eye to sin. But I’ve learned that my sin and my husband’s sin are all sin in God’s eyes. I have no right to talk about his in a disrespectful way any more than I would want him to do that to me. Even if I do share I try and be as mindful and respectful as I can be.

    I do hope you will keep the comments open I know it has been very valuable on my own journey. I love this blog and even though I tend to say less than I first did I am often here for support and I believe the learning and support I have received from the women here have been a gift from God.

    Thanks again April your ministry is so valuable to so many of us!

    1. TrulyBlessed,

      I agree – the comments section has been a lifeline to so many women (and some of our brothers, too). Your story sounds very much like mine. I love that you no longer have a desire to complain about him or blame him – I feel the exact same way! All of my criticism, blaming, and negativity toward Greg has been replaced by genuine appreciation, respect, honor, and love. So thankful to God for His ability to transform our hearts, minds, and souls!

      I love that you are not a doormat, making your husband’s happiness the most important thing at any cost. And I am glad that you know that you have equal value in Christ as your husband as you are both joint heirs. And that at the same time, you can honor and respect him and please the Lord with your attitude. This is the biggest blessing! Then God’s power is available to you to pour His goodness and healing into the marriage and to accomplish His will. πŸ™‚

      I am not planning to close the comments, but I may need to do more reminders to the ladies to use care as they post.

      Much love! So thankful we have this place to learn and grow together!

  9. I hope you will be able to keep the comment portion of your blog. I get as much from it as I do the posts! God bless you and all the readers.

    1. Marianne and others,
      I am not planning to shut down the comment section at this time. Just wanted to review some important points about how to best make good use of this forum. πŸ™‚
      Much love!

  10. My Husband is prone to disrespecting and humiliating me online. It is one thing I am praying over at the moment. I will confront him about it soon. when I have prepared myself. I expect him to remove the hurtful comments and write a statement about how wrong his deeds were. If he genuinely shows remorse for his harsh words and the slurs he made against me he will do it. Otherwise I will draw back. I do not feel any kind of respect for him at the moment. I do show him respect – as always but it is not from my heart but from acting from the brain.

    1. emscherfee,

      I am very sorry to hear about this. I pray that you will hear God’s voice clearly and I pray for God’s healing for you both, dear sister.

  11. Thank you, April, for your very valuable post. It is easy to complain about all the shortcomings of our husbands, and I think some of it is venting/frustration, but you are absolutely right, we need to be very mindful about how we say things, and not to disrespectful to anyone, because even though a lot of our stories are similar and the thoughts, feelings and emotions are very real, we don’t really know all the details and our goal should be first and foremost to live for His glory and completely rely on Him first, to give us the wisdom and discernment we need for our situation. Your biblical clarity and your sincere desire to come from biblical principals are very apparent and appreciated immensely!

    Thank you for this very important reminder, and thank you for all the time and effort you put into this forum.
    I also get as much out of the comments as out of your always very thoughtful topics.

    The old WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) comes to mind, as the always good question: “Am I bringing Him glory?”

    Love, A Lifetime Learner

    1. A lifetime Learner,

      Yes, I know that sometimes what we say is certainly out of frustration. And many times it is “venting.” But as one of my readers learned from her mom, “Venting is not benign.” We can learn to share our hurt and pain and ask for help without calling our husbands names, without revealing too much detail, without throwing our men under the bus, and without humiliating them publicly.

      I long for women to be able to share their very real hurt and pain and at the same time, I don’t want them to regret what they shared later and I don’t want their husbands to be hurt.

      We definitely can’t know the details of what is going on in people’s situations online. Women who are truly being abused often don’t share how bad things are and only share some small thing that doesn’t sound like a big deal. Maybe because they know their husband might find what they wrote. Or maybe because they can’t bear to admit how bad things are even to themselves. The problem is, then they get advice for a much less serious situation. And women who truly are not being abused sometimes write as if they are and then they get terrible advice that doesn’t actually fit the situation. Or maybe a wife leaves out what she did to provoke her husband and only talks about what he did which gives a very one-sided picture. Maybe she doesn’t mention that she threw a vase at him and cussed him out and demanded that he leave before he left for a week and she didn’t know where he went and he stopped all communication.

      It is difficult, if not impossible, for us to know what is really happening in people’s lives who comment online. So – we definitely do need to use much godly wisdom and discernment in replying to those who are hurting. I long for us only to share things that are of God and that will truly bless others.

      How I pray that every one of my comments honors Christ. I don’t want to mislead anyone or share human wisdom or my opinions. I long to see everyone pointed to Jesus.

      I’m so glad the comments have been a blessing.

      Much love, dear sister!

  12. TrulyBlessed,

    I feel like i am the one who was writing your post because this is how i feel. It is so amazing when one walk right with Christ, like April always ask how is our walk with Christ. Amazing things happen because we are able to submit biblical to our husbands without feeling like a doormat but have peace and joy. No one is forcing anyone to do anything but you just flow in your responsibility and serving your partner. The way they respond you can feel he is relaxed and feels home or safe with you. You know my husband said he now wants me to meet his friends and he doesn’t want me to change and be like his friend’s wives.

    I thank God for this post April, because there is something that is working in my spirit recently how i speak about my husband to people, friends or whoever i am venting to. I sense that i should speak positively about him even if he is not acting that way but i should stop speaking or saying things that he is doing that are wrong or rather contradicting the word of God. I am finding this difficult but i am praying about it for God to guide and teach me. God was revealing to me that if wives honor their husband, husbands will honor God because of what they see in us. This will make them want to honor God. I remembered how Adam responded to God when they were naked in the Garden of Eden. He said to God “The woman you gave me is the one who gave me the fruit to eat” he was saying God it is your woman.

    April I thank God for using you in our lives.

    1. GentleSpiritWoman it is a blessing indeed to see how God works in our lives when we submit to God’s design. So many marriages are in such a sad state because the world teaches us to be self centered and all for our own personal gain, both husbands and wives, and so many buy into the lies. When we follow Gods design to serve in our marriages and our families with our while hearts and put our trust in Him instead of ourselves, it is amazing to see Gods perfect plan unfold.

      Just this week I have seen so many jokes about misery in marriage, women referring to their husbands like their children who they have to look after, Women having to always be right, and disrespecting of spouses. It is a sad world we live in and heartbreaking what the world has done to the precious gift of marriage that God has given us. But I am grateful to the Lord my eyes are now open and I can see the disrespect of these ways because for so long I was pridefully serving myself only and was blind.

      I do notice as well my husband being so much more willing to have me involved with his friends, his colleagues, where he used to be like he had to keep that his own separate world. I used to be so offended and then that would only cause more problems, but now that our relationship has changed so much I can see how I was only feeding that attitude.

      It is a blessing to hear your experience as well that you are experiencing the Peace in your marriage as you walk with the Lord. And I also am so grateful that the Lord has led April to continue this ministry and help so many of us struggling women she is a big blessing to so many of us!

      1. TrulyBlessed,
        I am so excited to hear what God is doing in your life and marriage. That is awesome!!!!! Puts such joy in my heart to hear what God does in the lives of His beloved children as they seek Him wholeheartedly.

        Thank you very much for sharing and for your encouragement, sweet sister. Please pray God will empower me to be faithful and obedient to what He desires me to do. It has to be ALL Him, not me!

        Much love!

    2. gentlespiritwoman,

      I learned even rather early on in my journey that I can’t afford to “vent” about my husband to anyone. I am also learning even now, I can’t afford to vent about anyone to anyone, really. I am working on being sure I am not complaining at all about anything. One of my son’s teachers is quite a spiritual test for me the past few months. And I realized I was letting my flesh take over in talking about her in a negative way. NOT okay. God calls me not to complain. He also calls me to trust Him. If I am trusting Him, why am I complaining about this woman? He has her in our lives for a reason. She needs my prayers – I don’t think she knows Christ. She needs to see the gospel in our family. She needs me to demonstrate a godly example of respect to her as an authority in my son’s life – even if she may be wrong in some things she is doing.

      When I catch myself complaining about anything – I know I have to get to my journal and repent, write down my fears, write down my concerns, and lay it all before my Lord.

      I even realized fairly early on in my journey that I can’t afford to complain or vent about my husband to God, either. I want to show a respectful attitude toward my husband even in my own thoughts and prayers and focus on Phil. 4:8 things.

      And yes! When our husbands see our godly example, it does inspire them to want to honor God, too. πŸ™‚

      I love your description of “no one is forcing anyone to do anything but you just flow in your responsibility and serving your partner.” YES!!!!!!!!!!! Ooh! I may need to see if you will let me quote you on that. It is so true! It is awesome to know your husband feels safe with you and is relaxed. And then he feels like he wants to be your hero and wants to see you be happy – eventually, many times.

      I’m so thankful God allows me to do this and that we have this place to share together and encourage each other. I still have so much to learn! I can’t wait to learn more and to share it all as I can. And I love learning from all of you, as well.

      Much love to you! You are most welcome, dear sister!

      1. April,

        Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me, it is true what you are saying. You are most welcome my sister to quote me.

        It is also amazing how i am growing in allowing God to lead me through my husband (not a born again), thank you so much for that post. This has been such a blessing in my marriage, i think it is what makes him just do his responsibility without asking for my assistance unlike before. Now it is like he doesn’t expect me to be a provider per se and i feel so happy and at peace to know that he is in control. A lot is happening April, i am just allowing God to move and allow my husband to be.

        1. GentleSpiritWoman,

          I love your last post I am so happy you mentioned God leading you through your husband who is not a born again Christian. This is something I am finding the Lord has been teaching me that so many times I felt like I wish my husband would lead our family more and now I realize that in many more ways than I acknowledged he IS leading us. I believe that because I was so blind to God’s plan that I could not accept my husband’s leading unless it was in line with what I thought was right for our family. Now I am reassured by the Lord many times that He is leading us through my husband, that I just need to trust in Him, and that I need to wait on Him not rush ahead on my own thinking my husband isn’t capable. Of course he is, because God is capable, He can and will lead regardless of my husband’s spiritual walk.

          So many times since I have learned to slow down and wait for God to lead He has shown me that my husband’s ways, ideas, etc WERE what was best for our family. I just didn’t trust it and went my own way out of my own pride.

          For example, there is an issue I have really struggled with in our family life that I have not seemed to be able to deal with very well. I finally feel like I am making progress, and I have found some new resources recently that have made a lot of sense. Then as I got to thinking about it more, I realized that the approach that they suggest is exactly how my husband approaches it. And exactly what my husband has been telling me for a long time. And then it became very clear to me the Lord telling me that This is what He was telling me all along THROUGH MY HUSBAND but I refused to listen! So the Lord finally got my attention through these new resources that all along the best approach was right under my Nose the Lord had already given it to us but instead of acting as a team, I kept searching and struggling until I heard it from someone else.

          Seems like on a daily basis now I feel the Lord nudging me to listen to my husband more and to trust that He is leading us. Of course I would not follow my husband against the Lord’s ways or just blindly in a way that didn’t make sense, but I am definitely learning that if I stop and listen and not rush into my OWN way, I can much more easily discern that God does lead our families through the husband because that is His design, if we will listen and trust in Him! Such a simple thing it sadly took so long for me to understand and did so much hurt that could have been avoided.

          I love your statement “just allowing God to move and allow my husband to be.” That is exactly what God showed me and it literally saved our marriage and released me from my fears and finally allowed me to feel God’s peace and contentment!

          Oh how I love to read of other women sharing these same experiences it is such a blessing to me. God is so good.

  13. Peaceful wife,

    I appreciate the truth of this post. I am thankful that many years ago in the beginnings of my journey I found this blog as a safe haven to talk about my struggles and work through God’s design for my life, my marriage, my heart. I am thankful that God gave you a forum to uplift women, direct them to God’s word, and continue to speak God’s truth even if it isn’t popular opinion. The comments section put me on the right path.

    We never know how our words can affect others and our comments may be taken. I appreciate this reminder. And I cannot imagine how hard it is to balance the helpfulness with the directive of your comments. I began a blog in the darkest time of my marriage searching for answers. It gave me a safe place anonymously to seek God-driven, real world application and direction.

    What I didn’t know, was that a post about my dominating nature that indicated my husband as a “passive” man, would put hurt in my husband’s heart. He came across that post (after I had scrubbed my blog to make sure there were no hurtful or derogatory posts that put him in a negative light) and it hurt and confused me how he was hurt by the post. It was a post that uplifted our marriage and was expressing how I was working through my bold and brazen and disrespectful ways that were ingrained in me. All he read was passive and that equaled weak and that hurt. It was a good lesson and I have since then removed all posts from that blog until God directs me otherwise.

    Words can hurt even words we had no intention of being hurtful.

    Thank you for what you do! I pray that God always is your guide and that women in need will be directed to God through you when it’s His will.

    -Still a Prayingwife

    1. Prayingwife79,

      I’m so thankful you shared about this, precious sister! Something I am very careful to do is to only share things on my blog about Greg that I have cleared with him first. Of course, he was the one who asked me to share the things God had shown me. So that also helped. For me, I was sharing years after I began my journey. I can certainly see that blogging could be a form of self-discovery. However, the public nature of it can be problematic.

      That is why I chose to journal instead to express my feelings and to write down the things I am struggling with and the things I am learning. There were a number of notebooks I shredded from early in my journey because I never wanted anyone to read them! I didn’t want to hurt Greg with what I had written before God had changed my heart so much.

      Greg has allowed me to identify that he has had issues with being “passive” as I share on my blog. He even writes publicly about it himself. But for another husband who hasn’t given permission for his wife to share this kind of thing, “passive” could be seen as an insult, a derogatory term.

      Another thing I try to do is to primarily focus on myself and what God is doing with me. Not to talk about Greg’s faults or sins.

      I have learned some lessons the hard way, too – that sometimes I can share things that aren’t even negative about my husband, and there can be issues online with other people spinning things negatively. So, I have to be very restrained in what I share about him.

      Thank you for the prayers. I appreciate it so much. How I long for women only to see Jesus here, and nothing of me or my thoughts.

      Much love!

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: