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FreeinChrist Stands for Something Way Bigger Than Her Marriage

Note – for a post about resetting our Valentine’s Day expectations, please click on this link.

I’m so thankful for this wife’s willingness to share her story. It is not all neatly tied up in a bow. Things are not good in her marriage, to say the least. But – check out what God has done in this dear sister’s heart! It is glorious!Β 

And we ALL have access to this kind of healing in Jesus. Her experience is not unique. What God has done and is doing in this wife’s heart is what a “normal” Christian walk should look like. πŸ™‚Β I long for each of us to experience Christ like this for ourselves – no matter what may happen with our marriages and our husbands. He is Real Life and Real Love!

———–

The Lord has been leading me to study Elijah for the past couple of months. Another thing He’s been speaking to me about is that something is about to happen in my marriage situation – telling me to “get ready” and that He makes “all things new.” The signs have been nothing short of miraculous, even though I don’t have any specifics, or a timeframe.

When my husband first left me and started pursuing divorce in 2015, the Lord told me to stand in the gap for my husband to come home to Him, Daddy – God, first and foremost. God showed me that my husband was a prodigal, and we all know how that story turns out – the Father showed unconditional love and forgiveness, and there was eventual reconciliation!

Having a reconciled marriage is way on down the list though, after my husband’s salvation and reconciliation to his Heavenly Father – so this “stand” is about something way bigger than my marriage!!

It’s not easy to stay encouraged when you see things that look opposite to what God told you… A facebook friend called me to tell me that she saw pictures of my husband with another woman on social media.

NOTE – Let me interject a quick note right here and say that this is not something that I recommend doing- at all! People who are separated, and praying for marriage reconciliation, don’t need things like this pointed out because it’s just plain hurtful and discouraging. *It is NOT too big for God to handle, so why be the bearer of bad news? Take it to the Lord and let Him reveal whatever He wants that person to know.

I was quite upset to receive this information b/c I’d been fighting so hard for my marriage, praying against adultery, and I honestly thought that the relationship my husband entered into right after he left had ended months prior. It felt crushing, and then it quickly became obvious that this was a test of my faith.

WHAT NOW, LORD?

So I asked God what He wanted me to believe, and what I should do now?

 

I went to church. My prayer was still, “What do I do now – it looks so hopeless? Should I still believe what You’ve told me Lord – that You want to restore things and that ‘something’s’ about to happen soon? Do I give up now, or keep standing firm?” I wondered if it was a test from God – to see if I’d believe what He’d spoken to me for weeks, IN SPITE OF what my eyes were now seeing. Hmmm.

  • It felt like Father was saying “do you still believe Me now that what you see looks THIS bad?”

He’s constantly told me to walk by faith and not by sight, but it’s hard to do when you see things in the natural realm that look so hopeless. I’m working on learning to believe what I see in the Spiritual, over what I see in the natural.

Our worship leader stopped in the middle of the song (which just happened to be THE song that The Lord has used most powerfully in my life this past year – Resurrecting by Elevation Worship) and he pulled out his Bible – said he wanted to share a story that we needed to hear.

It was the story of when Elijah prayed for rain but there was no cloud in sight [1 Kings 18:41-45] He said something to the effect of “there are a lot of people who have been praying for something for a long time but you don’t see anything happening. You need to know today that your prayers have been heard. God will do what He promised, but you must persevere and wait to see it. Get ready b/c it’s about to rain!!!”

Yes, Jesus! He used Elijah again – He knew that I’d pay attention b/c He’d already spoken to me about Elijah. Praise God!! I have symbolically pulled out my umbrella, rain coat, and wellies!! I’m ready for a downpour, Father!!

  • p_hya_t-1wu-david-marcuTHEN another breakthrough happened at the end of the sermon. The pastor asked, “What’s the one thing in your life that is so important to you that you feel you’d just fall apart if it was taken from you?”

A year ago I would’ve said “my husband/marriage.” And now that my dad may literally need a new heart (b/c his has become too weak to sustain him adequately) I’ve also felt that I couldn’t bear it if he was taken away from me anytime soon.Β “Please Lord, not my husband AND my Daddy!”

But in that moment when the pastor was asking that significant question,

I realized that the ONLY thing I can’t bear to lose is Jesus! It was a beautiful and freeing realization. AND I’m never going to have to worry about losing Him anyway! Amen?!!

It doesn’t mean I’ll never struggle again as I continue to walk this path – I’m sure I’ll be asking for prayers and encouragement again soon, as they help me endure. But at least now…

I’m absolutely sure that I’ll survive, and THRIVE, no matter what happens!

Praise the Lord for the mighty work He’s done in my heart and life these past 19 months since my husband left! Can’t wait to see what God does next! Please keep my husband and I in your prayers as this story continues to play out. It’s not over yet – praise the Lord!!

Yesterday as I was praying in my kitchen I had the realization that this is the first time in my entire life when I’ve truly loved myself and accepted myself as I am. I feel more freedom than I’ve ever felt before! I am someone that I would actually want to be friends with, and hang out with, and have in my inner circle. I am someone who is worthy of love (because God created me).

I have spent so much of my life with an oppressive Spirit over me, and agreeing with the lies of the enemy.

I was in so much bondage but I didn’t even know it until the Lord opened my eyes and then He set me free! Now I can’t imagine going back to the way that I was living before. Everything is not “perfect” and my husband is still a captive of the enemy – my marriage still looks deader than dead.

But God has transformed ME and changed my life!!

I feel a sense of peace and joy that I’ve never known before. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m going to be fine – even great – no matter what happens with my marriage, or any other situation I face.

I finally know (and BELIEVE) that I am who God says I am – loved, chosen, blessed, worthy, accepted, free, precious, priceless- a daughter of the King!! Praise the Lord!

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

THIS is exactly my prayer for each of us! That we might know God like this and know who we are in Christ like this! πŸ™‚

RELATED:

A Divorce and Reconciliation StoryΒ by The Restored Wife

Kirsten’s Story – a Peaceful Separated Wife

A Separated Wife Finally Begins to Experience God’s Peace in Her Life

My Two Year Anniversary As a Separated Wife

Should a Christian Wife Consider Separation?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

94 thoughts on “FreeinChrist Stands for Something Way Bigger Than Her Marriage

  1. I too am a woman who participated in adultery. Although both marriages remained intact, they are both severely damaged and the pain inflicted by my sin was more horrible than I would have ever anticipated– for all four spouses (including myself). The pure HATRED that arises from infidelity is horrifying!

    Four years after the affair was discovered and ended, I wrote a letter to the betrayed wife, with the guidance of my counselor, owning my trespasses and asking for forgiveness. She immediately sent a return letter….of forgiveness : ” I’m glad that you’re healing and have repented. Please don’t lose sight of Jesus as you go through this. Once more I forgive you! you are my sister in Christ Jesus. We will all one day be together as Jesus had promised, now please allow yourself to forgive yourself! It’s all okay – go on and continue your walk with Jesus!”

    To be able to let go of the hatred arising from such a devastating event is the mark of God, who loved us so much that while we were still sinners, He sent His beloved Son to die for us in agony on a cross. Praise God for His power and mercy !!

    1. Anonymous,

      I’m so thankful that you repented and that there has been forgiveness and healing. Praise God for that! Thank you for sharing your story. May we all listen carefully and take heed so that we might avoid that incredible pain. I pray God will bring about continued healing and much glory for Himself in this situation in both marriages and families.

      Much love!

      1. Thank you so very much for sharing your story. Mine is very similar. But what touched me the most was when you realized you didn’t want to lose Jesus even MORE than having your marriage restored. That was the turning point, or breakthrough, for me. I too realize it is MORE important for my husband to get right with God BEFORE me wanting him to get right with me. God bless you precious sister πŸ˜€

          1. I have one more thing to add…after realizing it is more important for my prodigal husband to return to God BEFORE returning to me, I heard the song “Soul on Fire” by Third Day, and believe this is a divenly appointed message for our wayward husbands – to be men of God with souls on fire for His kingdom!!

    2. I can relate to your comments about hatred. My father had an affair for about 20 years and I developed a horrifying level of anger and hatred towards him and the other woman which ruined more than 15 years of my life. It took me a very long time to learn to forgive them both for what they did. I prayed a million prayers and fasted dozens of time but could not get past the anger. The only thing that healed me was speaking with a Christian counsellor who encouraged me to get into the Word of God. Getting into the word was incredibly healing and nourishing for my soul and I was finally able to let go of the anger that had controlled me and devastated my life for so long. I try to pray for the other woman every day and see her as a wounded victim of satan’s lies.

      People need to be warned about how EVIL infidelity is and how much pain, heartache, humiliation and devastation it causes to everyone associated with it.

      PLEASE ladies, don’t even consider getting involved with a married or engaged man or committing adultery yourself. It will never be worth it.

      If a man tries to tempt you, cut him out of your life completely. Don’t answer the phone when he calls. Delete his texts and emails. Block him on Facebook. Switch to another church or gym. Do everything and anything you can to completely cut off contact with him. You need to protect yourself from this kind of temptation and preserve your integrity.

  2. Glad, Anonymous, that you were able to write that letter and she was able to communicate restoration to you by receiving your sincere repentance. Any one of us could fall into pretty much any gross sin. If only, when the trap was set for our souls, it displayed itself as something ugly meant for our destruction, and not as something beautiful and exceptional meant to meet our needs!

    I know of two pastors who both fell to adultery and wound up divorcing their wives to pursue the other woman. In both cases, each man believed he had met his “soul mate“ and that this was the person he should have married. In one case, the pastor married a woman who even looks like his first wife, with the only major difference being that the supposed upgrade was just a more confident, put together version . I suspect he succumbed to satan`s dulcet whispers that a man as gifted in evangelism as he needed a wife from a solid Christian background who would be a more suitable, confident and effective helpmeet, rather than one who lacked confidence and was from a broken background. Instead, now there are two whole families from “broken backgrounds“. I don`t know where the first pastor wound up but I know that the second pastor and his new wife, who both broke up their families to marry one another, are not happy at all now, despite the fact that they believed that`s what the outcome of their choice was going to be. As bad as the consequences of the sin you got involved in were, all of you were spared something even worse and that`s something to be thankful for.

    I am thinking as I muse on this, that often what makes us so vulnerable to such traps, is that we are seeking our needs being met in this world, rather than seeking Him first. We aren`t really trusting Him. When our eyes are off Him and our hearts are focused on temporal happiness, that`s when we are vulnerable to walking into one trap after another. Even if its seemingly legitimate, like after a lifetime of being neglected and not safe or loved. The enemy knows our weak spots often better than we do. We still think we are in Eden, rather than on a heavily mined and booby trapped battlefield. I am going to have to train myself to take my beliefs a lot more seriously. I`ve learned some painful lessons just as you have, dear sister.

    1. sheep-ish,

      SO SO SO heartbreaking to hear about these two pastors. πŸ™ Satan wants to destroy our marriages. He also especially wants to destroy Christian leaders and their marriages and families. How much we need the armor of God, prayer, and the power of God to have victory over temptations!

      I pray we will pray for God’s protection for our pastors and ministers that they might be faithful and obedient to Him by allowing His Spirit to work in them mightily.

      Yes, we often are vulnerable to temptation when we are hurting, when our eyes are off of Christ, when we aren’t finding our needs met in legitimate ways. May we be alert and sober-minded, aware that we are in a great spiritual battle.

      Much love!

    2. The concept of a “soul mate” has led many people into adulterous relationships. They see flaws in their spouse and when they meet someone else, they assume that their spouse is not their true “soul mate” and they leave their spouse for that other person. It’s a trap from the enemy. No where does the Bible say that we should leave our spouse in order to pursue our true “soul mate”. We are called to love and accept our spouses with all their flaws and be fully committed to them no matter what they do. I actually avoid romantic comedies and romance novels because I don’t want my mind to be twisted by the world’s vain notion of a “soul mate”.

      1. Nikki,

        I agree! I don’t find the “soul-mate” thing to be a biblical concept. Only God can truly complete us emotionally/spiritually. Only He will never fail us and be the perfect one to meet our needs. All humans will sin against us. And if we are willing to honor our marriage vows, many times, God will use even our spouse’s sin to draw us deeper into faith and into holiness.

        I avoid romantic books and movies myself for similar reasons. They create unrealistic expectations for us to have of our men emotionally.

        Thanks so much for the comment!

        1. Hi April,
          Kindly consider writing an article on “Your husband is not your soul-mate”. Actually, I have a small gift for writing. Would you allow me to write an article for this blog? If so, please give me your guidelines.

          1. Nikki,

            Ooh! I would love to have you write on this topic. I actually have a post on this topic that is a guest post on my other blog http://www.peacefulsinglegirl.com. Here is the link.

            But it probably would be a very good idea to have a post for us married girls, too. πŸ™‚

            You may submit your post on my Contact page when you are ready. I would like it to be between about 600-1500 words.

            Much love!

  3. What a nice story that even though hasn’t seen the happy ending, shows lots of faith. I’m not sure how to get to that point though. Lots of prayers? How do you live with someone that’s unkind? My husband and I have had problems and go through ups and downs somewhat often. One of my complains is that he’s not very kind to me or doesn’t talk to me nicely. But he has no problem being affectionate with our children. I tell him that if I’d talk to him that way, he wouldn’t like it, and he agrees, but still says it’s not a big deal. I find it so hard to deal with his indifference, except when he needs me to take care of him or the kids/house.

    1. Alexandra,

      I have a lot of posts about these things, actually. And maybe FreeinChrist and others who have had similar journeys will also share as they are led to.

      It is a long journey to go from fear and doubt to great faith. There are many baby steps, usually. In my view it starts with a willingness to focus on what God desires to do in our own hearts and lives, a willingness to allow Him to examine our hearts for any sin and to get rid of all of that. And a willingness to allow God to reveal any lies we have believed about Him, ourselves, or others that we need to replace with His truth. We must also consciously decide to lay down all of our fears and greatest dreams and trust God with them all no matter what may happen, knowing that if we love and trust Him, He will cause all things, even the most awful things, to work together ultimately for our good and His glory.

      Would you be interested in doing a spiritual check up with me where I ask some general questions and then seek to point you to the healing that is available in Christ? πŸ™‚

      Some posts that may be a blessing:

      a wife goes from major fear to great faith
      a husband experiences God’s peace in the face of a fierce storm
      A Wife Begins to Truly Trust God and Let Go of Fear
      How I Approach My Husband’s Sins
      God Showed Me How to Approach My Command Man Husband
      Stages of This Journey
      Responding to Criticisms, Insults, and Rebukes
      Radiant Responds to a Wife with a Critical, Perfectionistic Husband
      I Don’t Think My Husband Really Loves Me. How Can I Seek to Become a Godly Wife?
      Why Should I Have to Change First?

      Much love to you!

      1. Thank you so much for the reading suggestions! I started with “I Don’t Think My Husband Really Loves Me. How Can I Seek to Become a Godly Wife?” and it helped me so much. I realized that I had put my husband/marriage as my source of happiness and of course that cannot happen. I have to admit that out of desperation I was very disrespectful to him. Last night I apologized to him, but he’s still upset and that’s okay. I’m going to continue doing what God wants me to do (being a good wife) even if he doesn’t respond. I’ll seek love and happiness in God and my children. My only concern is how do you deal with snappy comments or cold shoulders in front of the children? Maybe that part will go away after sometime?

        1. Alexandra,

          Yay! I am so excited about what God is showing you! That is awesome. πŸ™‚

          Yes, as you focus on finding all of your identity, security, peace, and joy in Christ alone, you won’t have to come into the marriage in desperation, trying to make your husband give you things to fill you up. You will already be filled up and you will have an overflow to give to Him. That is the most freeing, beautiful place to be in the world!

          Primarily, you will learn to listen to the Spirit about whether to say something, what to say, how to say it, etc… But you are welcome to search for some posts that may be helpful:

          – responding to insults
          – a wife responds beautifully to her husband’s bad mood
          – conflict
          – critical, perfectionistic husband
          – when my spouse is wrong
          – godly femininity
          – why isn’t my husband more supportive as I change
          – things got worse at first
          – stages of this journey

          As you stop disrespecting your husband, it is very likely that he will begin to be easier to be around, too. But it may take some time for him to believe the changes in you are real and to not be skeptical. Meanwhile, your job is simply to seek to please God and bless your husband and family. God can give you the power to do this as you completely yield to His control and His love, power, and truth.

          Much love to you!

            1. Alexandra,
              Take your time, sweet sister. Dig deeply. Be open to anything God may want to speak to you, change in you, and heal in you.

              Let me know what you discover!
              Much love,
              April

    2. From FreeinChrist to Alexandra:

      One way I’ve been able to deal with my husband being unkind is to realize that he’s not himself right now as he’s living in sin, separated from God. The Lord showed me that he’s been taken captive by the enemy, as it says in 2 Timothy. He like a totally different person from the one I married– blinded by the god of this world, Satan. I ask the Lord to help me see my husband like He sees him!! I ask for grace and forgiveness, and understanding daily.

      1. This is a very insightful post – to see our husbands the way GOD sees them…separated from the light and lost…helps me from being so angry and resentful with how things are in my marriage situation right now

  4. Thank you so much for sharing this story. I am going through a very similar situation.

    It’s been 19 months since the affair was discovered and he left me and our family. The affair ended. However he does not want to reconcile. Says if it hasn’t worked this long (married 25 yrs now) it won’t ever. He says he is a Christian, a man of faith, how can he continue this way? Not following God’s word as a Godly husband, father and son?

    I am new in my faith. About a year and a half now. I definitely needed God in my life to help me through this extremely difficult time. I never thought I could believe and have such faith. It’s hard, but has opened my heart to so much! I’m so greatful for that! It just so difficult then to see my husband, and the father of our children not fight for his marriage. It’s devastating.

    I keep praying and putting my trust in the Lord. But I often question how long do I hope for? I know my husband still loves me. I also know that if he committed to our marriage that it could become what we have always wanted and what God desires for us. We never had God or faith in our marriage before. I just wish he could see that. See that with Him anything is possible for our marriage! And what a gift to Him that would be and to our children as well!

    As for now I am clinging to Hope and trusting God is for us and our marriage!
    ~Bwing

    1. Brooke,

      It is wonderful to meet you! How your story breaks my heart, though!

      If someone is far enough away from God, we are all capable of deceiving ourselves and justifying any sin. Of course, a man who claims Christ should be hearing the Holy Spirit’s conviction. Perhaps he will in the future. I pray he will repent humble and be restored to Christ. Then he will be able to see everything else clearly.

      Congratulations on your faith in Christ! That is AWESOME! I”m so thankful for what God is doing in your heart even in the midst of this terrible trial.

      I pray you will stay as close to Christ as possible and continue growing in Him. He can give you the wisdom, direction, power, and ability to do anything He calls you to do for as long as He calls you to do it, precious sister. What kind of spiritual support do you have at this time?

      Much love to you!

  5. This is truly touching my heart, in the deepest sense! Thank you! I was lately so hopeless. Looking to my human- (family/marriage)- reality more than to our GOD-Almighty-reality. The LORD met me powerful in these verses: Ezekiel 37, 3-6 and today again through this beautiful message. Lord, please send us the promised showers of YOUR SPIRIT. May YOUR will be done…

    1. 37hisgraceissufficient,

      I’m so thankful FreeinChrist’s story has blessed you. πŸ™‚ May God continue to empower you to grow in your faith in Christ and may He bring healing and restoration to your family and marriage by His power in His timing for His greatest glory. May He continue to heal you, dear sister and may your faith grow like crazy in Him!

      Much love!

  6. Dear Freeinchrist,
    as someone suddenly abandoned and whose husband immediately filed for divorce adamantly with no discussion of reconciliaton, i woudl like to know more about this part of your journey if you care to share:

    “Yesterday as I was praying in my kitchen I had the realization that this is the first time in my entire life when I’ve truly loved myself and accepted myself as I am. I feel more freedom than I’ve ever felt before! I am someone that I would actually want to be friends with, and hang out with, and have in my inner circle. I am someone who is worthy of love (because God created me).

    I have spent so much of my life with an oppressive Spirit over me, and agreeing with the lies of the enemy.”

    Especially the last part; over the last year since he ran away, I’ve been attempting to look closely at myself and work on myself with God’s help. I struggle a lot with poor self image, depression (I have professional help yes) and confidence. I am seeking to be freed of oppressive negative spirits and what I believe might be ‘generational sin/curses(??) as half my family has similar struggles. I felt God calling me to “break the binds” if that makes any sense.

    I appreciate any insight into your struggles and what helped to overcome.

    Thank you and God bless you and may God’s Spirit work in our situations and overcome and dispel all darkness and break hearts of stone and blindness!

    1. J.,

      FreeinChrist is welcome to respond if she is able to. I have known her for almost the whole 19 months of her journey. I believe one of the things that helped the most was to confront lies about God, herself, and others.

      Here is a post that may be helpful with that.

      Also, one of my sisters in Christ, Radiant, has a number of guest posts here. She had a similar healing journey where God healed her physically, emotionally, and spiritually from pretty significant spiritual oppression that was similar to FreeinChrist’s situation. You may search “Radiant” and read her posts if you would like, as well.

      Much love!

        1. J.,

          I also want to say, I am so very sorry to hear about your situation. That would be extremely painful. πŸ™ I am so thankful you are looking to Christ. I know He will not fail you, precious sister!

        2. Absolutely I have suffered so many physical ailments myself due the stress involved with husband, it would a help to see to what I can learn.

      1. I just want to literally cry to my sisters on this forum for prayer for me Freeinchrist’s testimony resonated with me so much but I realise I am hanging on to the hope of what wished when I married. I am only 5 months into being separated and I thought I was doing well and was to the most part. I am not truly free yet, I am tied to the longing for affection and company, at the dinner table, company going to church where some couples sit with arms around each other. company to come home to. I had long time of waiting to be married and I am alone again.

        I remembered that God had used the same scripture of Elijah when I was most despairing when my husband was still here. God said I know you have been praying a while and everything around is very dry but look there is rain cloud the size of man’s fist. soon after I had ask my husband to go get help due the pain of his treatment to me. I just didn’t think he would just leave one morning to work and never return without a discussion or a note. I am thinking maybe the rain is to come down on my dry heart because I long for love and kindness from a husband that stopped showing any kind of affection years ago.

        1. Prayerful Wife,

          From other things you have shared, I believe that your husband is not well at all emotionally/spiritually. How my heart hurts for your pain!

          I believe that God absolutely can send showers of rain on your dry heart as you receive all of His love for you and His abundant provision for you. I pray for some wonderful godly friends to provide company to you. I pray for you to be open to all that God has for you in this desert time and all of the riches He longs to share with you that will bless your heart powerfully.

          Praying for God to bring your husband to Himself – to complete conviction, humble repentance, and regeneration. And for God to heal, comfort, and restore your soul, dear sister!

          Much love!

        2. Wow, I had this same experience with my husband. I was devastated! We are currently separated. Most people that knew what happened advised me to just get over it. But that was easier said than done, to say the least. I began to search for answers from pastors, the internet, friends etc…as to why this happened and direction as to what to do next.

          The fear felt overwhelming, nevertheless, everywhere I turned for help lead me to a dead end. God shut every door! The lack of responsiveness from others added to my abandonment wounds, which added to my pain. It was then (in that broken state) when I realized that my help and healing could not come from a person, not even my Husband.

          Matthew 11 28-29 says “Come unto me, all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” And oh how I needed rest!!! I then began to talk to God, I expressed all the wrong done to me and how it hurt. As I prayed I could feel my heart releasing and letting go of all the injustice I was holding on to. I felt my heart strengthening, and desperation leaving.

          The bible says: “The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are made safe!” (Proverbs 18-10) I was made safe at that moment in the presence of my Father who cares for me and my husband. My eyes were opened, and by God’s grace I chose to forgive my a spouse just as Christ has forgiven me of my sins.

          I am now living without fear of my present circumstance or my future. I chose to exchanged fear for love and trust God’s plan for my life. My prayer, above all is for the demonstration of God’s power be revealed in our life and our marriages. No matter the outcome, it is well with our soul and the best is yet to come!

          1. Thank you TJ for sharing this!!! Right before my husband and I separated God showed me that every person MUST find their completion in God ALONE – then, if they are to be reunited, they will COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER as a couple. Jesus is the ONLY SAVIOUR that can “fix” what is wrong in all of us

          2. TJ,

            I’m SOOOOO thrilled that you realized that no person could give you what you needed, only God could meet those deepest needs of your heart! WOOHOO!

            I praise God with you for the way He is bringing you healing, comfort, and strengthening. That is what I long for all people to find in Christ!

            I am just smiling from ear to ear, my heart so filled with joy to hear that you are living without fear and that you have chosen to trust God. WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!

            I wish I could make confetti and balloons go all over the screen to celebrate with you.

            Much love!

        3. Wow, prayerful wife I do know how you feel owe so well. My marriage was just like yours, we are currently separated. I too came home from work and my spouse was gone. No explanation or note given either. I remembered thinking I was dreaming, because it seemed unreal to me. At that time I questioned to myself, how any person could do this to someone. God knows our thoughts, I came across Proverbs 10 v 20, it says: “The tongue of the righteous is of choice silver but, the heart of the wicked is of little value.” Wow! God’s love is what makes us valuable! Not any person. We must know our worth in Christ, and stop putting value on what the wicked has to offer. You are self sufficient because the all sufficient one lives in you. You are God’s beloved, the choice silver worthy of love and kindness. Don’t blame yourself for the condition of someone else’s heart. Trust that God knows what’s best for you no matter the outcome.

          Blessings to you my sister! Stay encouraged!

    1. Lmsdaily115,

      Yes, that is an important thing! Loving ourselves as in receiving Jesus’ love for us and His truth about us, receiving new identity and new life in Christ. That is so important! It is not about loving our old sinful flesh. That has to be crucified and buried. But we can know our worth and value in Jesus and know that can receive all of God’s truth and promises. They are for us, too. Not just for others.

      If only we could really all grasp how true it is that God is all we need.

      I have been reading some of George Mueller’s writings from the 1800s. His story proves this very thing so beautifully and powerfully,

      Much love!

  7. Such a beautiful testimony! This inspires me to keep my focus on God and not my circumstances. Having compassion for someone who has hurt us can only come from God. Sometimes it is a struggle for me. I need to read this over and over. Thank you for sharing.

  8. This story is one that I needed to hear.

    I found out my husband has been in an emotional affair with his secretary for quite awhile now. He owns the business and it is just a few guys and her. I had suspicions for a long time, but was always told I was making things up. I found the phone bill where he was texting and talking to her all day and night. He tells me I told him to leave, but I told him he had to make the choice himself. My husband is not a Christian man.

    From the day I found out, I have done nothing but pray for his salvation and our marriage. I had forgiveness right away for him and the OW. I am in counseling but he refuses to talk with anyone. This past week, he had been calling me and stopping by to see me and our kids. He has hugged and kissed me, but still refuses to talk about anything that happened. He thought that everything would be ok if we leave the past in the past.

    But today, I let evil invade my thoughts instead of the Lord. I drove past his shop and saw her vehicle, his, and another guys. I casually called and he told me he was in another town. When I drove back by he was outside. I told him that I could not pursue this if she was still there. It made him angry, and understandably because it came out as an ultimatum. He later called me back and said he would never get rid of her because she is valuable and cares more about his business than I do. He has completely rewritten his history with me.

    I feel devastated. Because of my actions of today, he will never be with me. This is the man that I have chosen to love and would do anything for, but it is so hard to know that they are mostly alone at his shop during the day. I am praying for God’s guidance and for strength. I don’t want my marriage to be over or our family to be split up. I want a reconciliation with my husband. I know I must fully trust the Lord, but some days is harder than others.

    Please keep me in your prayers.

    1. Broken wife,

      How my heart aches over your pain and this situation, dear sister! πŸ™

      But – I would encourage you not to look at it as though because of your actions he will never be with you. What you said was not wrong. Adultery is not okay. If the only way to save the marriage is to be okay with the other woman being in the picture, that is not going to work.

      My prayer is first that you might get as strong as possible in Christ, just like FreeinChrist has done. Then God will give you the wisdom and discernment and power you need to do what He calls you to do. Only God can open your husband’s eyes. His greatest need is Christ. When he has been made alive to God in Christ and is no longer spiritually dead, he will be able to see that adultery is awful.

      And God is sovereign. He is able to work in your husband’s heart no matter where he goes or even if he does leave.

      I invite you to check out a few posts that you may search on my home page:

      – when your husband says I’m done
      – fully trusting God with my husband

      Praying for God’s healing for you, His salvation and regeneration for your husband, and His healing for your family.

      Much love to you!

      1. Your words truly bring a peaceful feeling to me. I have been writing letters to my husband and prayers to God everyday since this has happened. But this morning, I wrote a letter of encouragement to myself. When I am feeling panic or unworthiness, I will read this letter to remind me to give it all to God. I found out that his secretary, who is married with her husband in prison and 4 kids, was run off her other job because of affairs with her male bosses. My husband knew this, but he was defending her when I asked him to take a step back and look at the situation. I know I cannot talk and he listen at this point. I can only turn to prayer and focus on myself. Thank you for this blog. I can tell it is an inspiration to many.

        1. Brokenwife,

          I’m so glad to hear that you wrote a letter of encouragement to yourself! That is awesome! Your identity, peace, security, and hope have to come from Jesus alone. Your husband can’t give you that. Even if he completely repented and became the most godly man ever, you can’t get these things from a person. Only in Christ is there real joy, fulfillment, and a fountain of Living Water that will never run dry. πŸ™‚

          I pray you will press more deeply into Christ than ever. Let Him work on your husband. I don’t know that you saying a lot more right now would be very productive. I think you said what needed to be said. Now, it may be time to let your husband marinate on his decisions and the consequences of those for himself. And it seems that sometimes, if we wives say too much, our husbands only hear our voice and it is harder for them to hear God. I pray God will give you wisdom about if you need to say anything else right now or whether to wait and watch Him fight for you.

          I pray you will grow like crazy in your faith and walk with the Lord. Get rid of anything that is toxic in your life and receive all of the goodness, truth, healing, and power that Jesus has for you.

          I pray for a strong group of prayer warrior wives to surround you. And most of all that you might be able to clearly hear God’s voice and desire to follow and trust Him completely no matter what may happen. He has good things to bring from this great trial in your life. He is an Expert at creating beauty from ashes and joy from mourning.

          Cling to His promises and love!

          Much love,
          April

  9. Oh Broken Wife, how painful and unfair! I agree with what April said, you did not say anything wrong. It is not wrong to tell your husband that you are not willing to tolerate the way he is treating you or his disrespect for his wedding vows. It is not wrong for you to refuse to buy his pathetic attempt to blame you for his adultery or to have self respect.

    If your husband had his regular brain functioning and his spiritual eyes open, he would realize that what he thinks is her “caring about his business“, is actually just her being willing to share in his sin of idolatry because that`s where her paycheck comes from and she probably sees snagging the boss as a real feather in her cap as well as the possibility to be taken care of in style. If her motives were so pure and she was such an honorable, wonderful woman, she would have quit her job and gotten another the moment she realized something was developing between her and another woman`s husband. If your husband had his head screwed on right, he would realize that of the two women, you are the more honorable because you care more about him and your relationship with him and she was willing to destroy another person`s life to have what she wanted. Hardly praiseworthy character.

    Of course it is right as a believing woman, to have mercy even on those who sin against us and to desire their salvation from eternal flame, and restoration to godliness, but that doesn`t mean you have to call her stinking behaviour or his, acceptable. Sin always blinds us and we make excuses to make it seem someone else`s fault because its hard to face how despicable each of us is capable of being.

    I hope that you can get a hold of some other believing women prayer warriors and storm heaven on behalf of your marriage and your own walk with God. May the God of all comfort come to your aid quickly and wake your husband up as to what he is doing and the kind of man he is becoming, that he might turn back to who God means him to be. We are all for you sister.

    1. Sheep-ish, bless you for kindness. I hear the words that are said by you and I know them myself, but it is so hard for me to accept this from him. I have stayed home with our children and homeschooled them for ten years. My whole world as I know it has been ripped out from underneath me and for them as well. I felt such a forgiveness for him and wanted to move past this. I still do, but I can’t physically and mentally be ok with her still there. It is hard that a man I gave my everything to, can throw it away as if it was nothing. It will take a long time to heal, and I will always pray for him and for her.

      1. Yes, you are right. Your whole world has indeed been ripped from under you and your children. There is no way to sugar coat the bitter injustice of it. It is NOT, however a failing of mercy, forgiveness, maturity or trust on your part, that you cannot be okay with her remaining at your husband`s company. That would be comparable to my husband claiming to have repented from a porn addiction but insisting on keeping a subscription to a racy magazine. Repentance involves grief, humility and a willingness to heal the pain one has inflicted, not a demand that one “prove“ forgiveness by being willing to endure it ongoing. If this silly girl had any class, she would remove herself at her own volition out of a desire to no longer be a part of hurting someone else. I can sympathize and understand that perhaps she has suffered fatherlessness or abuse and so her need for a man is so great that it blinds her to all other considerations. I`m willing to forgive her as you are, for her sin against your family but that doesn`t mean I wouldn`t be willing to sharply rebuke her and give her mature counsel that she needs to consider that she has been part of causing serious pain to a family, and she needs to have the kindness and consideration to remove herself humbly from the situation.

        I don`t know if this will speak to you; I hope perhaps its some comfort at least. No worries if it doesn`t speak to you, you may certainly freely toss it in the trash if I`ve spoken amiss. This is what came to mind as I was reading your words. Into my minds`eye came the image of a very sharp, steel plow blade poised to do its work, with the sun glinting off the deadly edge, and the memory of a message I heard once about fallow ground. The message spoke about how sharp, painful and merciless the plow must feel to the earth it brutally and ruthlessly disturbs. Its a rude, invasive, shocking process that breaks sod and severs roots. After it has passed through, everything looks a mess, with broken clods and overturned pieces of green sod lying overturned . Nothing is the same and what was going on is totally disrupted. And then to add insult to injury the fertilizer that is added is a bitter manure-y substance that stinks and is unpleasant. It is hard to imagine that such an ugly, painful ,invasive process could result in anything good. Sometimes God is breaking up the soil so that the crop that had been planted before can re root into much better soil and sometimes He is preparing it for something new. Only time will tell what He has in mind. There`s no denying that your life has been brutally plowed up and has in addition to the pass of the blade, has had some real bitter manure dumped on it. I don`t know what God will do for you through this. I don`t know the outcome. I just know God can do some of His best work in the most unbelievable circumstances. (((((((( )))))))))

            1. All,

              Y’all are doing such a great job supporting and sharing with each other. It is beautiful! I have been tied up a bit more than usual with pharmacy work today but I hope to get to respond tomorrow night.

              Much love! And thank you for loving each other and encouraging each other with God’s love, truth, and the treasures He has shown you.

      1. I am so thankful to God for this wonderful site where we can share our pain yet receive encouragement and HOPE. I wanted to share this verse from Ezekiel 36:26 that I pray over my prodigal husband. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Maybe this will help someone else πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

        1. Today would be our 5 year wedding anniversary. I am rereading these and praying to guard against bitterness and anger, self pity and depair. Last night a Google calendar reminder popped up that my husband had made the first year with hearts and smilies; this morning I awoke to a google email stating “This event has been CANCELLED by the host”. It was really hard to keep turning it over to God, as I think he did it on purpose; I don’t see why it was even necessary except to inflict pain. I try to think he must be in pain, to see him with compassion and as Christ, but it is so hard to fathom how the most loving, sweet sentimental man can do such a thing.
          Thank you for your prayers for him and for me, and for GODS will for this covenant. Amen and God bless everyone here

  10. FREEINCHRIST, I am experiencing nearly the same thing as you! My situation is slightly different but it’s the same in that my husband left me about a month ago (for the second time). But this time I am a new person and am handling the separation much differently. It is so incredibly freeing to trust and KNOW that God has all of this under control and He has a perfect plan for my life and my husband’s life and no one can mess it up! God is sovereign and I am just sooo grateful for this time to experience Him like I never have before! Note that I’m not happy about my husband leaving me (as in I wish he hadn’t) but I can see the good in this situation because I finally trust God to take care of my husband. God has asked me to just stay silent as it pertains to my husband and not try to “fix” him or this situation (as I’ve done SO often in the past) and so I’m striving to stay obedient and work on renewing my mind and becoming the person God wants me to be! So much more I could say but I just was so happy to read your story because it is rare to talk to someone that is going through the same kind of thing and able to rely on God so wholeheartedly!

    1. Nichole Martinez,

      I really hate your situation. But WOW! How I LOVE what God is doing in your heart! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO! Your faith in Christ is so beautiful and powerful. I can’t wait to see all that God will do in your life.

      Praying for God to reach your husband and for you to continue to walk in absolute surrender and trust with the Lord.
      Much love!

    2. God bless you Nicole – you are not alone in this. But I LOVE how you are handling it – this is what I am LEARNING how to do!!

  11. Ladies,

    Here is something I do. I know that God inhabits the praises of His people. I also know that Satan can’t stand to be around praise for God.

    I love to sing at the top of my voice along with songs like:

    Aaron Keyes “Song of Moses” https://youtu.be/TwdG5JvICj4

    “Victor’s Crown” by Darlene Zchech https://youtu.be/g84C902JFYM

    And lots of others.

    Anywhere there is spiritual warfare going on, I like to go to that place by myself and sing these praises to God, remind myself of His strength and power and love. I pray that God will banish every evil spirit and that His heavenly forces will flood into that place and into the people’s hearts with His power and victory over Satan’s schemes.

    Open the gates to let all of the goodness and power of heaven flood into your home, into your work situation, into your bedroom, into your family. We are already seated in the heavenlies with Christ if we belong to Him. Study to know who God is. Study to know who you are in Christ.

    You are welcome to watch David Platt’s Secret Church series “Who is God?” And his series on Discipleship.

    Search my home page for things like:

    – prayer day
    – identity in Christ
    – what does God say about me
    – security

    Ditch every lie from Satan about God, yourself, and others. Rebuild your life completely on His Word and His truth. Decide to trust God and yield control of your life to Him. Then watch Him transform you first and then watch Him move mountains to accomplish His purposes and His glory in your life!

    Much love!

  12. FreeinChrist, thank you for your post. I found it very encouraging ! I’m in a similar situation with my marriage.
    I really love the heart He is creating in you. Praise the LORD !!! He is so good !!

    Thank you April for you ministry as well !

    1. Ev,
      I’m so thankful to God for allowing us to have this place to meet together and to encourage each other. I love hearing what God is doing in people’s lives.

      So glad it is a blessing to you, dear sister!

      Praying for God’s continued healing and work in your life and marriage for His glory!

  13. Dear FreeInChrist,

    Thank you for taking the time to write this article. I needed to read this today. While I am not in your exact situation, your post really spoke to me, especially this part:

    “I have spent so much of my life with an oppressive Spirit over me, and agreeing with the lies of the enemy.
    I was in so much bondage but I didn’t even know it until the Lord opened my eyes and then He set me free!”

    You’ve given me hope. You see, I have struggles with loving myself, or even liking myself. You mentioned something about realizing this is the first time you’ve ever loved yourself or accepted yourself just as you are. That’s amazing! It gives me hope.

    But, when I do share my struggles, the first thing that other Christians attack is my Christianity. Sometimes that makes me doubt my salvation and that makes me feel even worse. When I was first saved, the Pastor would often preach that you cannot lose your salvation. That gave me such peace and gratitude towards God.

    But if a Christian is supposed to be immediately set free, and I’m still hearing and sometimes believing the lies I’ve been told (both by the enemy and by my female relatives – all my life and now twice a year or so on holidays) then I guess I’m not a “good” Christian. I refuse to believe my salvation isn’t real because I KNOW I need a Savior, and I know I’ve given my life to Christ and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior and He has changed me for the better and helped me through so much. So I do believe it is real, and it upsets me when people question that.

    However, I guess I’m not growing, or I’m not a “good” Christian. If I ever express not being happy with myself to Christian women, the response I usually get is “you shouldn’t feel that way or you’re putting down God’s creation.” Which, while it may be true, what I hear is “you aren’t a good Christian so why do you even try?” After all, Christians are supposed to have it all together, right? Or at least be on the path to having it all together?

    That’s why I haven’t been reading or posting here much lately. I love April and I was beginning to feel like my “stuck-in-the-mudness” was becoming a giant waste of her time. (April, you have never made me feel that way yourself, but I felt like I was monopolizing your time and not pulling my own weight).

    So anyhow, I believe God led me to read this post this morning. I still have a long way to go, I still need to find a way to believe that I’m even worth trying, but FreeInChrist, you have given me hope. You have given me a lot of food for thought.

    I am so sorry for what you are going through, but please know that God is using you for His glory. Not only in your own life, but in the lives of others. Thanks for sharing your journey.

    Love Becca

    1. Becca,

      You are actually right in the position that God wants everyone to be in—whether they have been born from above or not—you are starring at the Cross. The Cross of Christ literally is what has put away forever in God’s sight who we are by nature—as ourselves born into this world. When Christ died, we all died with Him on that Cross, and when He was raised, those who are born again were raised with Him—even yet while we were still sinners. When we accepted Christ, what we really accepted was that in ourselves, we are WORTHLESS and can DO NOTHING for God, or for Divine ends in ourselves. That “old man” is DEAD, and to try to find something in yourself to love is trying to do something that God is saying , NO to! I was there too not so long ago, believing those lies and thinking I wasn’t “really” saved, etc. etc. And it wasn’t until God, in His mercy, opened my BLINDED EYES to see the TRUE meaning of the Cross, that all that occupation with myself and wondering if I’m really saved or worthy of love CEASED!

      Anything that leads us to be “self-conscious” is not of God at all. When we are IN CHRIST, we are a new creation IN HIM. In this new creation, it is ALL in Christ that God sees for us and as us. We are ruled out completely, and in God’s sight, we are DEAD. The only thing that can produce the ends that God has ordained is Christ in us by the Holy Spirit—and us living by His life in us BY FAITH.

      So each day, we have to surrender to the Holy Spirit, and ask the Lord as WITHIN US (He is dwelling within our renewed spirit) to rise up and be the very life of our mind, body, and spirit—in order for HIS WILL to be done!

      If you are tired of feeling like that, the only way to true freedom is in the CROSS OF CHRIST!

      We can’t live for God, live the Christian life, or produce anything of profit for God in ourselves, Everything for this life is in CHRIST BY FAITH!

      If you think that coming to some point of actually loving yourself is going to effect true change in your heart—you are mistaken. There is a much better way and it is the CROSS—where all of ourself is LEFT BEHIND in the grave, and the way is opened to step into a truly fruitful and spiritual life IN CHRIST!

      The Bible says that we have been “accepted in the Beloved”. That means that ONLY IN CHRIST (He is the Beloved of God) we are accepted in God’s sight. We can produce nothing good in ourselves to rely on or hold onto.

      Does God love us? He came in the form of a man in order to defeat all the power of evil over us, in order to make the way back into the presence of God for us. If that doesn’t tell you someone loves you, nothing else will!!

      Be spared from all that morbid introspection—and step into the truly abundant life that is ONLY FOUND IN CHRIST by accepting the CROSS by faith in all that it means for us and in us!

      Love,
      Amanda

    2. Becca,
      I’m so glad to hear from you! I believe you are truly a Christian, dear sister. I believe you have just been oppressed by a lot of spiritual lies. We all have to some degree. But the awesome news is you don’t have to stay there. So thankful that God is able to heal us all – even if we have been oppressed. I have been and will continue to pray for God’s healing for you, my sweet sister!

    3. Becca, 2 things came to me while reading your post.
      1) everyone sins, everyone is imperfect. Christians just realize that they are sinners and need God. You seem to understand that just fine. I like to say that “its not the healthy that need a hospital and its not the sinless that need God. Church is a hospital for sinners.” As a child of God, He doesn’t expect you to get it right all the time, rather, He loves to see you grow and learn, like a toddler taking his first wobbly steps. He’s delighted in everything you learn. You are moving forward, seeking Him, He is thrilled with the very fact you know He exists and are trying. You may always have this “thorn in your side” that you have to fight against. But be assured God will give you the grace to accept yourself ad He sees you…His beloved child .

      2)It seems there are 3 parts to a relationship, or rather reconcilliation, with God and others too.

      First, when we sin against someone, even God, we realize our wrongs, appologize, REPENT and make an effort to change our ways and try not to dobthose wrong things again.

      Next, The other person, or God, then has the choice to FORGIVE us or not. God promises He will forgive us if we just ask and repent. Sometimes people forgive, sometimes they don’t, and they hold a grudge. We can’t make others accept our appology, but at that point, we did our part. We came up to the line and cleaned up our part of the mess. The ball is then in their court yo forgive or not.

      Finally, When someone (or God) forgives us, it is then back to us to ACCEPT the gift of their forgiveness and mercy. Its a present with a beautiful bow on it. Sometimes we have a hard time beleiving we are really forgiven. We leave the present unwrapoed, unused, not appreciated. But with God it’s true. And if people don’t forgive us, it’s ok, we have God’s forgiveness and that trumps anything from people anyway. We need to lay down the guilt, shame and wormy thoughts and move toward the freedom God offers. We need to accept our imperfections and know that we are real Christians BECAUSE of them, not in spite of them.

      I know you love God and you beleive in Him. It just seems like you don’t really beleive you are worthy of His love and mercy. The fact is, none of us are, not even one of us, but that doesn’t change God’s love for us. That is what makes His perfect love so amazing. People can never love us like God can. He never makes a mistake, but you are His princess. He wants you to have that confidence to know that what other people think of you doesn’t really matter, what God thinks of you does, and He thinks you are His greatest masterpiece.

      I will pray for God to instill on you just how special and cherished you are to Him, so you can trust that He really does love you, all of you, every little bit.

      All my love, sweet Becca.

      1. For any of the ladies who are struggling with receiving God’s love and promises, Radiant wrote an interesting post about that called, “Cinderella and the Gospel.” Radiant was a believer but was extremely spiritually oppressed for a number of years until God set her free about 3.5 years ago. She had told herself and believed so many lies about God and herself, she was physically almost an invalid she was so sick. All because of the lies she believed and the way she thought about God and herself and others. I hope y’all will check it out!

  14. Hi Becca
    It’s really good to hear from you. Never doubt that you are loved by God who said “my grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness” 2 Cor 12:9.
    Gotta go and do some studying now but thinking of you
    Cariad

  15. This year Valentine was about ME for a change. My Husband has been treated like a king for years. Everyday. I was his biggest fan and support. But once in a while I would love for him to acknowledge that he could not have done so well for himself without me. Without the sacrifices I made. So I did the thing I had prayed about for weeks. I went to a Thermal Bath and went swimming and did a bit of sauna as well. It felt right.

    1. YEAH – I’m so HAPPY you did something nice for yourself for a change. I know that made God very HAPPY for you as well πŸ˜„πŸ‘πŸ˜„

  16. Shared story and comments remind me of my struggle and victory. The enemy tried and tried and tried to break my marriage. So may ways so many times. But I held on to the Lord, I held on to my desire to do what God wanted me to do, and Satan pushed harder and harder. He shook my marriage so bad I thought God wanted my marriage death, or at least that’s what I at times believed due to God’s silence. But then I would return to my senses and turned to Him for salvation, and He has amazed me. Know I know why the enemy tried so hard.

    The more the enemy pushed, the more I prayed, fasted and believed. My husband is a man of God now. He got baptized and now serves in the house of God and loves me with all his heart. He loves his family and is dedicated to us. He has apologized many times, because he sees how much hurt he caused me. I still remember all the struggles, but living in victory only brings it to memory for testimony. To God be the honor and the glory. Be strong women and men of God, he will restore your marriage. The battle is not easy, but the victory for sure is yours. Amen.

    1. Thank you so much Yasmin for sharing this glorious testimony!! I was encouraged and motivated to continue my own good fight of faith. God bless you ALL πŸ˜„πŸ’“πŸ˜„

  17. as like so many others, I am in a very similar situation. My husband told me he didn’t want this life of father and husband anymore. That was 2years ago but he still lives with us whilst going out and sharing himself with another woman and sneaking back home at 4 or 5 o’clock in the mornings….most nights.

    Bizarrely I am grateful for his presence as our boys still think they have a dad despite not being around whenever I am home.

    I am seeking peace and completeness in my Saviours love but it is so painful having the rejection smeared in my face every night. I spend a lot of time battling in my ‘war room’ and I know God is transforming me into the diamond He made me to be.

    So many times I’ve wanted to get in touch with the girl and tell her all sorts of horrible things that go through my mind but God gave me a verse early on that has helped me to stop myself : Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring….the Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 13 v13-14. I have learnt to stand firm and am learning to pray for her…although the enemy is quick to jump into my thoughts and torment me but I am taking every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10 v.5) and focusing on things that are pure and right (Phillipians 4 v.8).

    I know I must love my husband and this girl with Christs love and I feel I have come a long way from who I was before…but I also know how far I still need to go, and fears of becoming a bitter person scare me. That is not who I want to be. I want to be a beautiful daughter of the King, full of peace and His all encompassing love.

    There is one area I deeply struggle with (along with many other things!) …occasionally my husband comes into bed with me and desires intimacy with me. Most of the time it is when he has had too much to drink. He is never forceful and he is always very gentle. …but I don’t know what is the right thing to do as technically we are still husband and wife. My weaknesses desire this intimacy with him too….but often ends in me being strengthened by this intimacy instead of holding onto Gods power to uphold me…which I guess identifies that I am still holding my husband and my marriage up as an idol. I am confused and very weak in these situations. I have tried seeking Gods words for guidance but have not found anything yet but would appreciate any thoughts and help in this area.

    1. Becoming like a Diamond,

      If a spouse is involved in something as grave as unrepentant infidelity, it is appropriate, in my understanding, for a separation to take place at least until the unfaithful spouse sincerely repents and is willing to rebuild the broken trust.

      You are not required to have intimacy with a husband who is breaking your marriage covenant. And there would certainly be concerns about STDs, as well. πŸ™

      I know that some wives believe they are called to “stand” in the midst of adultery. I believe a wife can stand for her marriage, but also show respect for herself and her marriage covenant and God by saying that adultery is a severe breach of the marriage covenant, that she wants the marriage to be restored, but that for this to happen, a wayward husband will have to repent and agree to be faithful. Otherwise, you have essentially “an open marriage.” Adultery is not at all God’s design for marriage. It is very serious sin.

      We are called to forgive those who sin against us. However, forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation or trust. You are not called to trust an unrepentant spouse who is involved in adultery. You are not called to reconcile with him or even live with him. This is truly a situation where separation can be very necessary. IF he truly repents, then you may consider attempting to reconcile if he is willing to rebuild trust slowly and show fruit of repentance in his life. But you are certainly free to be separated from him until then, and longer, if you aren’t ready to receive him back even once he has repentant.

      Some posts that may be helpful.

      http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/if-a-husband-or-wife-has-cheated-but-then-decides-to-stay-with-their-spouse-where-do-they-go-from-here

      https://www.gotquestions.org/open-marriage-polyamory.html

      I think that to try to live with a husband involved in active adultery would create a lot of confusion and very difficult emotions. I pray you might seek a godly Christian counselor who can help you walk through this. I don’t talk about separation lightly. But this is extremely serious sin and I am concerned that the environment would be too toxic for you (and your boys). Don’t take my word for anything. Study. Read. Pray. Seek godly private counsel. Do what you believe God is leading you to do.

      Much love and the biggest hug, dear sister!

      1. Becoming a Diamond,

        Verses about adultery

        Matthew 7:1-5 and Matthew 18:15-17 are verses about how we are to handle sin against us (specifically by another believer). I don’t know if your husband claims Christ or not. But for someone to be totally fine living on and on in unrepentant infidelity tells me that there are extremely serious spiritual issues in his life. πŸ™ I pray he will repent and turn to God for healing!

        In the Old Testament, if two people committed adultery, they were both to be stoned to death by the community. So there was no issue of the violated spouse living with the adulterer at all.

        In the New Testament, there are not specific instructions or examples given of what the violated spouse should specifically do. However, Jesus does mention a possible exception clause to not getting divorced being “sexual immorality” (Matt. 5:32) which may have several different meanings. That could be something good to study.

        There are also instructions about that wives shouldn’t separate from their husbands, but if they do, they are to remain unmarried or be reconciled to their husbands (1 Cor. 7). And there are instructions in that chapter that if an unbelieving spouse wants to stay, to let him, but if he wants to leave, let him leave.

        Adultery is a spouse leaving the marriage. It is extremely troubling to me to imagine a violated spouse living in that situation continually and not separating. There is no biblical example that I can find that would require the believing spouse to stay and continue to be sinned against day after day.

        The closest thing I can find is Hosea. But God was specifically using his marriage to illustrate His own faithfulness to Israel and their unfaithfulness. Their idolatry was similar to adultery in a marriage covenant. Hosea did not allow his wife to have sex with other men. He didn’t condone it. He instructed her, after he bought her back as a slave because she had been prostituting herself, that she was to live with him for many days and not be intimate with any other man.

        God did not tolerate His people committing idolatry. When they did this, He broke fellowship with them until they repented.

        I pray for God’s wisdom for you and His healing for your family!

    2. DIamond, your post made me cry. I don’t know if you realize you are already acting like the daughter of the almighty King. The way you still feel blessed for your boys…the way the Holy Word affected your action to the point of knowing and maintaining that you still need to love both of them. Your deep hurt may not allow you to see just how precious it is what you just shared about your actions. It inspires and humbles me, someone who needs to appreciate her husband more. My biggest complaint is that he follows me everywhere and talks alot. I pray God forgive me because sisters like you humble me so much. Ugh I’m so emotional today but you really are an inspiration, I will pray for your husband today, I would love to hear a positive update from you. I hope you stay here in April’s beautifully sisterly home and prayerfully meditate on her loving advice. We are all sisters in God’s family and we really do care, your post really did affect me and I’m sure so many others. You are in my thoughts today.

      1. Becoming Like a Diamond,

        I am SO thankful that you want to forgive your husband and this woman and you don’t want to be bitter. Those are extremely wonderful desires. I pray for God’s wisdom as you seek to potentially set some healthy parameters so that you can respect your marriage covenant and let your husband know that adultery is not okay. I pray he will repent and change. Sometimes it takes separation and some appropriate consequences for a sinning spouse to wake up. You can still respect and honor him. You don’t have to sin against him. But you can respectfully require that he treat your body, your sexuality, and your marriage covenant with respect. And if he insists on violating your marriage covenant, then he has removed himself from it until he genuinely repents of his sin and is willing to earn back your trust and rebuild faith and trust. This would usually be a slow process. It would usually be quite awhile even after repentance before a violated spouse would want to allow the unfaithful spouse back into the marriage, the home, and the marriage bed.

        If you are in need of Christian counseling and don’t have resources, you could try http://www.focusonthefamily.org. They have a free one-time counseling session and then they can refer you to counselors in your area. Of course, compare anything they or anyone else, including myself, say against the Bible.

        If you are interested in a spiritual check up with me, I would be glad to help you with that. I want to see you receive all the healing that is available to you in Christ so you can clearly hear His voice and have His wisdom.

        Much love!

        1. Dear April and SisterinChrist,

          I have been deeply encouraged and uplifted by your thoughts and prayerful counsel. (not only in your replies to my comment but in so many of the other articles and posts).

          I know I have every Godly right to separate from my husband. I found the posts you sent really helpful and clear on where I stand…but bizarrely I don’t feel God is calling me to do that. I agree that I do need to respect myself, my marriage covenant and my LORD. I need to seek Him first, to find my strength and JOY in Him alone and remain faithful to Gods design.

          I asked my minister to come and pray in every room of our home, to cast out the enemies schemes and for Gods powerful presence to set guard in and over our home. I do feel there is a peace in the home. There is no tension whenever we are both in the home together.

          You ask about my husband….he did have a real and living relationship with God and was an incredible youth minister for years but was pounded by the enemy to the point where he has been left feeling numb to the world. I believe he still believes in God but is lifeless to Him and is seeking quick, easy pleasures…but readily admits that he is still left feeling numb. I desperately want him to experience and know the love of God in his life again, to find wholeness and JOY in Him….that is my prayer.

          Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you do April (and all my other sisters on this site). I have grown and deepened so much in my faith through the work God is doing through you. I do feel strengthened and more focused on what I need to do to honour God and my marriage.

          May God deeply enrich you with His blessings of peace, wisdom and protection as you serve our Almighty in this way.

          p.s. I would really appreciate a spiritual check up if you do have time. πŸ˜‰

          1. Becoming Like a Diamond,

            Do what you believe God desires you to do, my sister. I think prayer over your home and over your husband is the best idea!

            SO heartbreaking to hear that he was a wonderful youth minister but has lost his way. πŸ™

            But I love that you are seeking Christ above all else and I love your plan to seek the Lord and to remain faithful to Him.

            Whenever you are ready…

            1. What are your greatest fears?

            2. What are your most precious dreams?

            3. Where do you go to find security?

            4. What are your expectations of the Lord?

            5. What are your expectations of your husband?

            6. What do you want most in your walk with Christ?

            Much love to you!

  18. 1. I have many fears. Before all this happened, I had fears of being unloved and rejected; I feared that I was never enough for my husband and that he would find someone else….but now my fear is that my husband will never know the love of Christ for him again. I fear for our boys future and how they are/will be affected by our mistakes and selfishness; I fear that our boys won’t have a living relationship with their Saviour and Heavenly Father.

    2. What I dream of most is a family secure and bound together in Christ’s love, complete in Him.

    3. I used to feel safe whenever my husband was around: to share things with and to be able to be myself. Now I am learning to read my Bible more and seek God more as I know that is where I will truly feel safe, in His arms…but I do struggle with this at times as I desire the physical arms around me.

    4. I know God has a plan for my life, for my husbands life, for our boys lives but sometimes it doesn’t make sense or seem like He is doing anything….so I guess I’m expecting God to do things my way! to heal our marriage and restore it to greater health but in the way that makes sense to me! I’m tired and feel like I’ve waited long enough! (but I do hear that still small voice saying: ‘do not cling to the past… I am making a new way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland’ Isaiah 43:18-19…and I need to be patient!!)

    5. I always expected my husband to want to spend time with me and the boys and I know I often pressured him with this…..but I have learnt to have no expectations. I do HOPE that he will become the head of this family and lead us, with Christ at the helm, into life’s journeys.

    6. I want to be complete in Christ, to find peace and completeness in His love. I want to stand firm on His Rock and not be shaken by the winds and waves. I don’t want to be afraid of what life might throw at me but march on towards the goal knowing that I have lived life to the full with Christ and reach Heavens end with JOY.

    1. Becoming like a Diamond.

      1. That is interesting how your fears have changed. What are you doing with these new fears, precious sister?

      2. That is a beautiful dream. πŸ™‚ Do you believe you are able to lay your fears and dreams before the Lord and trust Him with them completely? Or are you having any trouble laying down your fears?

      3. I’m so thankful to hear what God is doing in your heart. That is beautiful! πŸ™‚

      4. This may be a long road. God’s timing is often much longer than our timing. It sounds like you are prepared for that possibility?

      5. I am glad you are laying down your expectations before God. And that you are praying for your husband to become the man God desires him to be.

      6. That is an awesome desire. Do you believe you have the light you need for your next step at this point?

      Much love to you!

      1. I have come to realise I have no control in or over life; of my husbands, our boys or even my own! I know that all I can do (and the most powerful thing I can do!) is pray and give it to God. I feel I am able to bring my fears, worries and hopes to the cross but I’m not sure how to let go of them, to turn my back on them and rest in the knowledge that God’s got it…even though He gives me no reason to doubt Him!

        I have to keep my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith (Heb 12:2) because whenever I divert my eyes to the problems, the pains, the hurts, and the fears, that’s when the enemy very quickly jumps in and messes with my mind!

        1. Becoming Like a Diamond,

          If you are interested, I have some posts that may help with giving worries and fears to God and letting go of them. πŸ™‚

          I pray for God’s wisdom and leading for you, my dear sister. That you will hear His voice clearly and follow wherever He leads – because I know He knows best for you and your family.

          1. I would like that, thank you April. Thank you for your love and care for all of us. I really do pray that God will continue to strengthen you in your ministry. There is such a need. Many blessings. xx

            1. Becoming Like a Diamond,

              I invite you to search my home page for:

              – fear
              – worry
              – anxiety
              – hold things of this world loosely

              Also, I have a video on my Youtube channel, April Cassidy, called “Taking Our Thoughts Captive” that may be helpful. And another one “A Heart of Thanksgiving and Praise” that may be a blessing.

              Much love!

  19. For those who are suffering (and really, for all of us who belong to Christ),

    It is extremely humbling to hear this Christian man’s story – Prisoner Set Free – the link is at the bottom of this comment. How he was wrongly imprisoned in the Sudan for 14 months. How he was mistreated and even tortured by Muslims who were fellow prisoners and members of ISIS. It really puts our struggles and problems into perspective.

    If you have time to listen to the first message and also to the one called The Greatest Peace, I believe you will be very blessed. Each one is a bit less than 30 minutes.

    Listen especially for the ways God encouraged him and prepared him for what he would endure. And the ways God blessed him in the midst of incredible suffering. And how his prayers changed from β€œhow long will I have to stay here, Lord?” to β€œhow do You want to use me here, Lord?”

    If God can give this kind of blessing and encouragement to one of His dear sons who was in prison for his faith very recently, can we imagine that He is any less able to encourage us?

    https://secure.persecution.com/radio/default.aspx?pdid=6851

    Much love in Christ!

    April

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