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4 Question Survey for Husbands


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Gentlemen,

I would love for all the husbands who can to please respond – it will help us as wives to better understand our brothers in Christ and our husbands, I believe. πŸ™‚ Thanks so much!

We are also interested in any further explanation you would like to offer on these issues. We ladies tend to love detail. πŸ™‚ So if you want to comment on anything, please feel free to do so.

 

Ladies,

You are welcome to invite your husband to participate in the survey if you think he would like to – but please let him answer privately. πŸ™‚

Thank you!

 

 

 

35 thoughts on “4 Question Survey for Husbands

    1. Blessedout,

      Ha! Well, if you feel that he would be okay with sharing his answers, you could respectfully ask. But if he wants to keep his answers private – that’s okay, right? πŸ™‚

  1. From a husband:

    I answered you last question β€œsex” I see that so far it is leading in results. I think it may be an inaccurate reflection of what is really going on. Of the choices I thought that was the most accurate.

    But what makes me feel most loved and appreciated is when my wife can sense a need I have and meets it. This often translates to sex, because she is the only one who can meet that need; but that doesn’t mean that the sex is the thing. Sometimes the need is the fun thing, or the prayer, or the text.

  2. I think the 4th question does not have a valid set of answers. Sex is very important and as the wife is the only answer it seems like a good answer. But spending time together doing something fun is all about fun. I believe there should have been a selection added “Spending time together. Talking or not talking. But just making an effort to be close in proximity that would allow for fun or intimacy or just hanging with your best friend”.

    Thank you for this opportunity to give my personal view and input.

    Blessings,
    Todd

    1. Todd,

      Love this. Thank you for sharing.

      So, maybe you would say that just being in the same room together is bonding to you, even if you aren’t doing something together? I’d love to understand this a bit better.

      1. Good morning,

        That is totally true. I consider my wife my best friend. Period. So, if she is doing something, and I can be near her, she knows I am there and we are together. Just being together. It meets feelings on a deeper level for me. I am not a garage man, but several of my friends are, and every one who has a good relationship with his wife has said that from time to time, their wife would just come out to their garage (or man space) and just be there. It meant so much to them, as it told them that their wife “Wants” to be with them, and took the initiative to be with their man. I relate it to children, in that they will go so far as to get in trouble just to get attention if they are lacking it. I have found that at my child, needy, scared levels that men never admit to that they have, are stroked by knowing I am safe as long as my wife is near.

        I hope that makes sense. I am not a writer.

        Blessings,
        Todd

        1. Todd,

          I think this is beautiful. Thank you very much for sharing. This is something that not a lot of women know about – that just to be in the same room together can be so bonding for a man. Most women think that if they are not talking, there is no bonding going on. But what a wonderful thing that we can so simply bless our husbands just with our presence.

          πŸ™‚

  3. I’m probably skewing the results a little as I am a full-time stay-at-home-dad and home educator!

    But we have always communicated LOTS. Our mobile phone bills were always very high, from way before free minutes and texts were introduced. Even when she was in the police, we still found ways around the issues of her not being free or near a phone.

    We love keeping in touch and our 3 boys have learned to do the same now with their mummy and they, too, regularly communicate, withholding her, using Google hangouts all day. We taught them something good and it has stuck!!

  4. As a psychologist I must say that surveys in general are a bit over-rated. Often there is missing or unavailable information that would tell us more of what we need to know. Also remember that opinions are not necessarily the “right thing to do or think.” there are several things to consider in the survey;

    what is the survey trying to show, is it just people’s opinion or are you trying to prove a theory of people’s behavior?
    How is the question worded? This makes a big difference because missing information or categories or age of the participants, or other characteristics can throw the results and answers a great deal.
    Lying is a very big problem in surveys because people tend to be particular about the reader of their answers regardless of the privacy of the survey.
    The target group makes all the difference in the world.
    For instance, this survey should “qualify” the time in the marriage, the strength of the relationship and other factors that would show reasons for the answers. For instance; if most guys say they do not appreciate texts a lot, and get no sex whatsoever, this would be important to know.

    Also, in the “feeling loved” by sex; for a guy who’s in his 30’s is going to be different than a guy who is in his 50’s because MOST younger men require more frequent sex. Anything less affects the love he “feels.”
    Also, I appreciate my wife texting me during the day but I am a man unemployed. Many other men may have different jobs that have different demands and rules where the texting or calls may apply to them differently.

    I assume that the majority of blog readers here are women. Men tend to not go to these sort of blog places. I am unusual of course. So the numbers of participating men are smaller unless wives take the survey to them.

    In conclusion, nothing wrong with this survey but real scientific surveys require one hundred participants or more-per question category. Even then, a survey of internet users here on one blog has limited results. People accepting the survey and participating in it can tell from the results about something on people’s opinions, but not necessarily the God-recommended “right thing to do” in the Church or otherwise.

    You know April, for a pharmacist you are very intelligent and your husband married “up” as I did…you know, marrying a woman more intelligent than him.

    Carry on.

    1. Jeff,

      I loved taking Statistics in college. It would be AWESOME if I had the ability to do massive statistically accurate surveys that were very in depth. I would have really liked to add a lot more questions to my surveys for husbands and wives yesterday to get more accuracy and more information – but I was not sure anyone would want to answer as many questions as I would like to ask. πŸ™‚

      I definitely can’t claim these surveys are scientifically accurate – or that the questions are as precisely worded as possible for the most accurate results. But I do appreciate people taking the time to answer the questions and I think that the results will be helpful as I attempt to address this issue for women who are upset about their husbands not calling/texting them as much as they would like at work.

      I’m also excited to see that about 134 men have answered so far, and over 370 women.

      Yes, circumstances can be very key in the results of some of the answers to these questions – some jobs are really busy or it is inappropriate and unprofessional to take any personal calls while on the job. Some jobs it is no big deal. I don’t have the ages of the couples – although my blog tends to have primarily women aged 34-44 (and men around that same age, as well).

      My hope is not to get answers that apply to all men and women across the globe, or even in one culture – but to get a pulse on where my readers are and how big of an issue this is for them. And, I want to understand husbands as much as I can to be sure I am presenting their perspective accurately.

      I appreciate the important info on the limitations of surveys and the fact that not all statistics on surveys are reliable or accurate – and I completely agree.

      Thanks so much for sharing, my brother. πŸ™‚

      April

      1. Found them (had to use a different browser).

        However, this morning it hit me: I’m no longer a husband. Not sure how I forgot that…lol.

        πŸ™‚

    1. HH,

      You are welcome to answer if you would like. πŸ™‚ You can choose to answer based on what things were like before the separation – or you can answer based on what they are like now.

  5. I was surprised…the last question my husband answered was “eating together”. He said that is a very enjoyable part of his day. I thought that was rather sweet. I guess I never realized that that was a big deal to him!

  6. As the topic of the scientific validity of this and most surveys has already been addressed, I won’t add to it. In my opinion, the most value will come from both spouses learning about each other and the follow-up conversations. Very exciting!

    1. Alex,

      Yes! That is my hope, that we might better understand our own spouses and talk about each other’s perspectives. I want to try to bridge some of the gaps in expectations with grace as we realize we may be different in some areas, and the same in others – but often our intentions for our spouses are good, even if our methods of connecting may be different. So, a wife may realize that just because her husband does’t call her as often as she might like, for example, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. In fact, a lot of husbands feel very connected to their wives without talking during the day. That kind of thing can be revolutionary information. I know it was for me when I found out that Greg doesn’t connect or bond with words – and that he feels connected with me whether we are together or apart and whether we are talking or not. That little piece of insight into his thinking changed my ability to feel connected with him even if we weren’t talking or texting or emailing throughout the day.

  7. Well, my husband connects with food, food and more food, and it usually isn’t the way I cook it, no matter what! πŸ™‚ LOL. Sometimes I’ve gone out to be with him in when he’s doing something, and by the time my eyes are crossing, I’m so zoned out that I can’t get anything done except go to bed and sleep, because I have been sitting doing nothing…saying nothing….just sitting there, letting the energy just leech out of me (I have to be moving around and busy, or I start falling asleep; for example, I can never just sit and watch television or a movie, I have to be busy with something or I’m out like a light in minutes, or the equivalent.)

    His aunts and Mom were better cooks than I’ll ever be — I finally figured that out after years of trying to measure up and crying my eyes out because I had fallen short yet again πŸ™‚ — and now with six grade levels to teach, I haven’t the stamina to keep trying anymore.

    I am not sure (as he really never talks to me about anything), but I’m pretty sure sex was never something that was very important to him. Even when we were younger it was quite rare (but enough for me to conceive six children, which really doesn’t take much if you don’t have fertility problems), and it just kept dwindling until now we don’t sleep together anymore. We never discussed it. There’s a ton of things we don’t discuss, as a matter of fact — I brought that subject up once, and was reprimanded by him that discussing sex was inappropriate, so I keep my lip buttoned on that subject. I really don’t know him very well at all, and we’ve been married almost fourteen years. It’s kind of strange. But in a way, it’s interesting.

    1. zbexrel,

      I’m so sorry you have felt so discouraged about cooking. And with homeschooling 6 children, I can understand that you would be totally exhausted early in the evening.

      The dysfunction in your marriage truly breaks my heart. πŸ™ It is not inappropriate to discuss sex with your own husband. It is not right for him to withhold himself from you.

      I pray that you might find the healing you need in Christ and that he might also find healing in Christ. I pray that you might have God’s wisdom to reach out for the help you need for yourself, your marriage, and your family, my dear sister.

  8. I have been trying to learn how to love my wife. It’s becoming a long, difficult journey. I turns out that our love languages are almost mirror opposites. I’m all for physical affection (yes, sex is the biggest factor, but hugs and kisses, cuddling and holding hands, I want all of those too). My wife prefers acts of service however, and so I am slowly trying to learn her language. To me that feels like loving from afar. It’s hard to understand how any meaningful connection comes from that, but I’m committed to making her feel loved no matter what.

    I’m really struggling to overcome feelings of past rejection. I know they aren’t gone, because they come creeping back up whenever my wife let’s me know that her sex drive is lower than mine and that the way I can make her feel loved is by not bringing up sex for a few days. I truly desire to bless my wife, and so I honor her requests. But it hurts to hear that keeping my needs to myself for a while is what makes her feel loved.

    I’m confused how to get rid of the pain from so many past times hearing “not tonight,” “can we decide later?” “if you really want to…” etc. I feel like I’ve been hardwired to get electrocuted when I hear the word ‘no’. I’m afraid to initiate, because it reminds me that I’m in pain. I’m unsure how to give my pain to God on this one.

    To be fair, I know she is trying to meet my needs. We’ve at least been getting intimate a couple times a week now after a dry spell that lasted for many months due to pregnancy and then the baby being the main priority for the first year. If I’m really honest with myself, I think I’m jealous of him. I talked to my wife about it once, and she let me know that it’s nothing personal, just that I can’t be her top priority anymore because the baby is now.

    I honestly don’t even need to have sex more, I just wish that I could feel like if I came to her and said “I need you” she’d say “yes”.

    I wrote this for my wife, but I haven’t been able to give it to her yet. I just don’t think she can understand my heart on this. It’s full of allusions from my favorite writers in the Bible including Jesus and David:

    Oh my bride, my bride, that you would come to me, that I might gather you in my arms and whisper to you the depths of my love, but you would not.

    My heart is slain all the day long. I am poured out like a river. Like an offering I am poured out before you.

    If only I could catch your eye, and turn your heart, that you might come to me. Offer me your lips, and I will be restored. Take me in your arms, and I will be lifted up from the dust.

    How I long for your touch. How I desire to hear my name on your lips.

    Into the garden I follow you, finding your path by your sweet scent. But when I enter, I find you not, and I am overcome with tears.

    I have placed flowers around your bed and on your pillows. I have prepared gifts and gathered what you love to present to you, oh most beautiful of women.

    Return to me, and do not delay. Come quickly, for I cannot bear to be without you.

    Remember me, my love. Remember the one who loves you.

  9. I see there’s a spectrum of results on the more detailed questions about texting, showing a really dynamic set of circumstances for work environment, relationship status, and personal preference. So I guess those numbers weren’t all that helpful.

    I find the last question completely illustrative. I was struggling between voting between sex & shoulder-to-shoulder time spent together. It says a lot about us guys. Words are not typically much of a bonding tool and tend to be superfluous.

    Make sure to just “hang out” with your man, ladies. If he’s not talking to you about deep emotional and spiritual issues, it’s not because he is “mad” at you.

  10. I love to write. I write letters and notes and texts to my wife to express my love, devotion and admiration for her. She is not a writer (at all). So when she does make an effort, it is almost as good as sex, because I know it takes a very concerted effort on her part to do so.

    1. Juan Johnson,

      Interesting how usually one person loves words and the other doesn’t! Thank you for sharing your perspective and how much her written words mean to you. πŸ™‚

      1. I love getting notes from my wife. It speaks to me deeply as it indicates she took time to think of me, to actually sit down and write a note and I can keep the note. My wife always included scripture, so not only is it uplifting, but affirming to know how the scriptures can be used, or should I say, should always be used to that God’s word is directly given to us by our spouses. I am blessed beyond reason.

        I do not write much. I cannot read my own writing. I really should, as I know my wife loves to get notes. This was good to make me think about changing. Thank you.

        1. Todd Kreinbring,

          So beautiful. It is a blessing for us to get to hear your perspective. You are most welcome. I really appreciate your taking the time to respond and share.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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