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A Two Minute Survey for My Readers


I would so appreciate as many ladies as possible answering these questions – especially those who are regular readers here. This would be such a gift to me! I would like to get a better gauge of the problems you are facing in your marriages and how many of you are dealing with issues specifically surrounding anger, rage, and violence.

Your answers are completely anonymous.Β Please answer as truthfully as possible – even if your husband is the one who did something first, answer yes if you have done any of the things in the questions in reaction to something your spouse did.

I will be asking questions about wives first, then will ask almost all of the same questions about husbands’ behavior. I want to try to get as accurate of a picture as I can.

There are 33 questions – if possible, please answer them all. They are very straightforward, easy to answer questions. I think it will be fastest to answer all of the questions, then I believe you will be able to see all of the results at once.

  • If you are not married, but are in a committed relationship with a man and would like to answer the questions (just mentally replace the word husband with boyfriend), you are welcome to.
  • At this time, I would like for only ladies to answer, please.

Thank you so much! I depend on feedback from y’all to have a better understanding of what God may desire us to discuss. πŸ™‚

Thank you again for your time! πŸ™‚

RESOURCES (please prayerfully check all counsel against Scripture):

The National Hotline for Domestic ViolenceΒ – a secular resource

Focus MinistriesΒ – a possible Christian resource for those experiencing domestic violence

How to Be Happy in an Unhappy Marriage – this post is not about an abusive situation by Leslie Vernick (from Focus Ministries)

Healthy VS Abusive Relationships – What’s the Difference?Β (from Focus Ministries)

25 thoughts on “A Two Minute Survey for My Readers

  1. Interesting questions

    Question 5 link doesn’t work sorry!

    Please link the questions next time on one web page so i can click all responses there vs keep clicking back into the email 30 times!!!

    God bless you and your family


  2. Forgive me I’ve noticed on the 7th question that when you click the link below they are all together! Marvellous work


  3. Hi April,

    A lot of my answers (that seem negative), refer to many years ago before either of us knew the Lord. Many times back then, alcohol was involved.

    Praise God, things have changed by leaps and bounds since we both got saved. It wasn’t an overnight thing, God had a lot of work to do in both of our hearts. And He is still working. But the glorious news is our relationship is better than it ever has been, and by the grace of God, we are FINALLY beginning to learn to communicate. Not just talk, but actually get through to one another.

    Thanks for all you do!

    1. Becca,

      I’m thrilled that God has brought a lot of healing – and that He will continue to bring more and more healing to you, your husband, and your marriage. Thank you so much for sharing! πŸ™‚

  4. Completing this survey has made me so thankful for my husband, and reminded me how blessed I am to have him.
    He is a wonderful husband and father, whom I disrespected for years because he wasn’t a Christian so he didn’t measure up to the sort of husband I thought he should be, and was constantly begging God for! Thankfully God opened my eyes this year, and I have repented and changed my heart and attitude! I am now trusting God to draw my husband to Himself, without my interfering!
    And I am appreciating what I have, instead of begging God to change things.

  5. Hi April,
    Great survey, it was good to realize things haven’t been so bad over the years. Sadly I’ve realised I’ve had a problem with sharing too much with friends about my husband’s past behaviour, its gone against us πŸ™ I’m sad to say, I’be been a gossip. Although my husband has forgiven me, I realise that I’ve been holding onto the past and not talking about the good in my husband.. .so prayers wd be appreciatedat this this time. Praying that God will make things right again for me! Lots of love xxx

    1. juR,

      So thankful God has shown you this. I know He can empower you to have victory over gossip and to help you take your thoughts captive and think God-pleasing thoughts about your husband. Praying for His Spirit to continue this good work in you! πŸ™‚

    1. thedaintychef,

      I am heartbroken to see how much pain and suffering is going on in the homes and families of my readers. I’m so thankful for everyone’s willingness to answer. I knew there were issues that I was hearing about sporadically, but it was hard for me to pinpoint the extent and severity – but this poll has definitely helped me have a much greater understanding.

      Many, many marriages and families desperately need the hope Christ offers and need our prayers!

  6. I found this very interesting. I do wonder though how useful it is without an understanding the degree of violence. I know with some of my girlfriends they consider things there husband would do violent towards them but they themselves would not consider it the least bit violent if they themselves did the same thing to their children. So as interesting as this is I find it incomplete without more data.

    1. Wondering,

      I agree that there are many more in depth questions that I could ask that would be really helpful in discerning the extent of violence. That is important! I felt I was already asking a lot with the questions I did ask – and appreciate my readers’ patience with answering so many questions.

      But this is a good point. πŸ™‚

    2. Wondering,

      One another level, though – I guess I am not as interested in the level of violence – as much as just that there is some kind of pushing, throwing things, shoving, hitting, or punching in anger. The fact that it is there at all is a big problem and tells me that there are likely major spiritual issues going on. The only time I ever came close to “violence” with Greg was the time the first summer we were married when I threw a pair of panties at him. I didn’t hit him. And even if I had, he wouldn’t have been hurt. But the fact that I had that much anger and lack of self-control that I was willing to throw something at him in anger (which I had never done in my life) indicated a big problem in my soul that needed to be addressed – but wasn’t addressed at that time.

      Obviously, a slap is better than stabbing someone with a knife. But – if people are reacting physically in anger to hurt others – that is an issue that I believe needs to be addressed. It may easily escalate.

      Of course, ultimately, it all boils down to a heart issue and whether the flesh is in control or God’s Spirit is in control. The goal is that we might be filled with the Holy Spirit and that no one would even think hateful thoughts – much less say hateful words or do hateful and hurtful things.

  7. From a wife:

    Wow, April. These questions are thoughtful, insightful reminders of how blessed I am, and how ugly things can be between couples. Hubby and I have had our differences, but generally kept things respectful between us regardless. Through those times, I learned to have a “commitment day” (vs. a “bad day”). Anyone can be committed on a good day.

  8. Interesting questions. . . I have not lived with physical abuse in my marriage but I do believe I live with a controlling and at times mentally abusive husband. It is very challenging to trust and the lines of what is normal/healthy and what is wrong become blurred. We’ve been married 14 years and things are much better than they use to be. Things began to change when I started praying for him. I would love to meet with a good marriage counselor. Unfortunately, my husband has not been open to the idea. I am thankful that I ran across your blog. Many of the articles are helpful and inspiring.

    1. Cindy,

      It’s a pleasure to meet you! πŸ™‚

      I’m so sorry to hear about how difficult things have been. Living with a very controlling spouse would be so painful. Praise God that He is working in your marriage! I wonder if this site might be helpful – ?

      They have posts about emotional/mental abuse, as well as about physical abuse. Leslie Vernick has some posts there about dealing with difficult people that may be a blessing. πŸ™‚

  9. DV against men is something you have to go out of your way to research. But a lot of studies show that it’s very, very high against men as well as women, and (interestingly) the highest rates of DV are found between lesbian couples, and lowest between gay men.

    The reality is very hidden because feminism uses the issue to paint the picture of “patriarchy” and the oppression of women; basically, feminists need a distinct reason to be a thought police as if men’s beliefs result in a concrete negative effect on women.

    If feminists really cared about women, they’d be equally interested in exposing the very, very high rates of (very brutal) domestic violence against women from other women (lesbian relations) as they do of women done violence by men. But they don’t, because that doesn’t help promote the agenda of demonizing “patriarchy.”

    1. JC,
      Hmm.. that was surprising to me – but I checked it out on Wikipedia, no less, and was shocked to see some of the numbers on domestic violence for lesbians. Wow.

      So women are even more unsafe with women than they are with men in our secular culture.

      I think the take home lesson is that we all desperately need God! Apart from Him, we can get involved in all kinds of sin that is very destructive.

      Thanks for this information – it was eye-opening to me.

      1. Yes, the statistics about violence in lesbian relationships is pretty much undisputed. A large number of highly reputable sources also show that women initiate the majority of violence in hetero relationships too–but it’s underreported and, to be sure, women tend not to cause as much damage with violence as men.

        It’s information like this (and a slew of other issues) that’s causing men to run and hide. πŸ˜› Not so much because of the dangers themselves, but because of the lack of attempts at solutions for male victims.

        But the main thing is that it’s totally a feminist agenda that has truly set out to ingrain “male perpetrator, female victim” mindset and imagery that obscures the facts on the issue–even to the point that they even have (lesbian) women’s blood on their heads as well as men’s, distorting the truth.

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