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"Unlock Your Libido" Book Review

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(TRIGGER ALERT – If you are a higher drive wife with a husband with lower libido, please don’t read this review if you know that reading about something like this might be upsetting to you.)

I have never done a book review on such a topic but I have seen how much pain there is in so many marriages where a wife has a lack of desire for physical intimacy. (Of course, there is much pain when a husband has a lack of desire, as well. But that is a different post!) Lack of sexual intimacy in marriage leads to deeply hurting spouses and increased tension, stress, and strife in marriage. Our enemy loves to promote anything that will create tension and division. He wants to steal, kill, and destroy in our marriages and families. But God wants to strengthen our marriages and to empower us to become the godly women He calls us to be for His glory.

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Bonny Logsdon Burns

I had the privilege of “meeting” Bonny Logsdon Burns through the Christian Marriage Bloggers’ Association. There are lots of amazing Christian marriage blogs to be discovered there! (Note – please always compare what any writer says against the Bible – including my own writing, please!)

What I like about “Unlock Your Libido” is the way Bonny points women to finding fulfillment in Christ first and how she directs women to Scripture to deal with the spiritual and emotional issues that may be impacting a woman’s desire for her husband physically. She also talks about neuroscience, biology, neurochemistry, and practical suggestions that surround many of the issues of low libido wives.  That is an approach I can get exited about! Give ALL the resources possible – but focus especially on Christ and the truth of His Word and the power of God’s Spirit.

Bonny shares her story on her blog www.oysterbed7.com where her entire ministry is devoted to “low libido wives.” I’m glad that I can share this resource for those who may need it. I realize not everyone will be in this boat. But I believe that any wife who is in need of spiritual and sexual healing may find a good place to start in Bonny’s book, “Unlock Your Libido.”  I also think that wives with “normal libido” who have a higher drive husband may also benefit. For a wife whose husband is lower drive, she may not want to purposely try to increase her libido – that may just be frustrating. (I have tips for wives to focus on lowering their drive here for these situations.) It is possible that husbands might be able to read this book to “reverse engineer” some beneficial approaches if their wives are struggling with low libido.

THE BOOK

Bonny’s book is a 52 week course. Each week has a devotional section where Bonny discusses a particular topic. Themes vary from Bible passages, to addressing sin, to scientific studies, and topics related to the issue of low libido.  There is then a Scripture passage to focus on for then next week. And then a “positive thought” to help wives practice thinking positive, Philippians 4:8 kinds of things:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

She gives wives space to write down their thoughts each day of the week about the issue that was discussed and the positive thought and Scripture for that week which I believe is a powerful way to reinforce new thinking and to change our inner dialogue. I want to share some of the topics to give you a tantalizing taste of what you are in for with this ebook:

  • Renewal
  • God is Not Anti-Beauty
  • Sexpectations
  • Benefits of Sexual Intimacy
  • Spiritual Libido
  • Adversity
  • Redefining Sexy
  • You Are Sexually Adequate!
  • The Hero in Your Husband
  • Idol-Free
  • Why Satan Targets Marriage
  • God’s Purpose for Your Low Libido
  • When the Headaches Strike

The book does not address any of the mechanics or details of sex. It is really mostly about how wives struggle and overcome their struggles with low desire.

The devotional is easy to read and usually about a page. Just once a week. Bonny’s writing style is friendly, personal, gentle, engaging, humorous, encouraging, and truthful. She addresses the hard topics with compassion, grace, understanding, and plenty of suggestions to help in various situations. I think wives will get the most out of this book if they stick to reading one devotional each week and then memorize the Scripture passage for each week and write down a brief positive thought each day about that week’s topic. Bonny is careful to address women in their entirety – body, soul, and mind. Love that!

Bonny helps women examine their walk with Christ, their motives, and search for any sin that may be blocking God’s Spirit’s power in their lives. She teaches wives step by step to transform their thinking from negative, self-sabotaging thinking to positive, empowered, Bible-centered thinking. Our thoughts are SO important! And our thoughts and emotions as women are extremely tied into our ability to have a healthy libido and desire for our husband. She encourages wives to view themselves as teammates with their husbands. I also appreciate how she encourages wives to become godly wives and to respect and honor their husbands.

The only thing I was not super excited about – was chapter 51 on “Centering Prayer.” I have some concerns that it could be a bit too closely linked to Eastern meditation practices. That would be something each wife could prayerfully consider for herself or discuss with her husband and research on her own. If you are interested in learning to pray more powerfully, I would recommend Kay Author’s study, “Lord, Teach Me to Pray,” or E. M. Bounds book, “The Necessity of Prayer.”

CONCLUSION

I am so thankful for Bonny’s openness and transparency and for her willingness to share so many pearls of wisdom God has given to her on her own journey. I was going to try to pick one or two chapters that were my favorites, but there were so many that were a blessing – I decided it was impossible to narrow it down. What  a blessing to so many sisters in Christ and to many marriages that God is using her to share this important message of hope with wives in the Body of Christ!

Please join me in praying for Bonny’s ministry and her marriage  – that God might protect her and her husband from temptation and from harm, that He might continue to empower them and use them for His glory, and that His Spirit and truth might flow through Bonny to build up the Body of Christ for the glory of God and of the Gospel.

Strong, godly marriages lead to strong families, strong churches, strong communities, and a healthy, holy new generation to come. Sexual intimacy is a critical part of marriage that the enemy wants to destroy. He knows if he can destroy intimacy in marriage, the marriage may fall apart. I don’t want that to happen to any of us! May God richly bless the intimacy in each of our marriages on every level and may His Spirit shine brightly in and through us to reach this world for Christ!

RELATED:

www.forgivenwife.com  – A “sister blog” to Bonny’s that is a ministry especially for those wives who realize they have been withholding themselves from their husbands and being “sexual gatekeepers” and who want to change to become the wives God desires them to be and to bless their husbands with sexual intimacy.

I Feel Like I’m Just a Piece of Meat to My Husband Sometimes – I answer a wife’s question in this post. Be sure not to miss her response later in the comments about how much God healed her later!

The Devastation of Sexual Rejection in Marriage  – for wives whose husbands tend to reject them sexually

Taking Initiative Sexually in Marriage – for wives who have been hesitant to do so, but whose husbands would really appreciate if they would initiate more

When You Feel Deprived in Your Marriage – for wives who are higher drive than their husbands

Submitting Sexual Desire to the Lord

Peacefulwife Posts about Going Deeper in Prayer

How to Tell If a Sexual Activity Is Wrong in Marriage

14 thoughts on “"Unlock Your Libido" Book Review

  1. Just a word of caution- not necessarily pointed at this author, book or blog- but more at the association of bloggers in general that was refrenced. Be extremely wise in what content one digests and considers godly advice. I am honestly surprised they allow April to be in the association as her teachings very often are in direct conflict with the majority of writers that gather under that umbrella and run that umbrella. We are to test all doctrine and teaching according to scripture and I cannot think of a more pressing time to do that than in this situation.

  2. Thank you, April, for sharing your honest thoughts about, “Unlock Your Libido.” May God’s word powerfully works in the marriages of the wives who find it useful. It’s a blessing to minister to marriages with you.

    1. Thanks so much, Bonny! I am excited about what God has given you to share with wives. I know He will continue to bless many marriages through the things you have learned in some painful seasons in your life.

      Thanks for being a co-laborer for Christ with me! 🙂

      Much love!

  3. Thank you for sharing that. I think more engaged couples should be taught before marriage that there may be seasons where sexual intimacy may not be possible.

  4. Anonymous,

    I do think it could be very helpful for engaged couples to know that there are many things that may interrupt sexual intimacy – some of which may be unavoidable: side effects from medications, extreme stress, deployments, travel for jobs, pregnancy complications, physical problems, emotional issues, spiritual problems, and all kinds of possible issues.

    Thankfully – God is sufficient and He can use even these difficult times to draw us closer to Himself and to ultimately make us stronger in Christ!

    Much love to you! Thank you so much for sharing. I’m so thankful you got some help!!! Praise God!

  5. “And our thoughts and emotions as women are extremely tied into our ability to have a healthy libido and desire for our husband…”

    This is so true! Men and women are very different. Science has been searching rather fruitlessly for some magic pill that will increase women’s libido, but what is so often misunderstood is that attraction and desire are directly related to our thoughts and feelings. To make it even more challenging, some of our thoughts and feelings can be very subtle, almost subconscious.

    2 Corinthians 10:5 speaks of how we cast down imaginations and bring into captivity every thought. Those verses really helped me to understand how important it was to take charge of my thoughts. Sex and intimacy really don’t happen all by themselves, we have to put some effort in.

  6. Thank you April for the warning about chapter 51 concerning centering prayer. You are absolutely right . In my opinion it is dangerous. Please hold your ground on this one ,may our Lord Jesus strengthen you .

  7. I have what may be a silly question…I’m wondering how the word low in “low libido wives” gets defined? Is there a scientific definition? Is it just low-er than the spouse? Is it because of wrong expectations regarding frequency? I.e. We should have sex 3 times a day, every day.

    Just wondering…

    1. Amber,

      I am not sure that there is one specific definition. There are some wives who have almost no desire ever. And there are other situations where the wife just has a lower drive than her husband, but that does not necessarily mean she has a “low libido.”

  8. Thanks for your honesty about this book. I’m glad there are women who are devoted to show us a more God’ly look on sexuality.

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