From a dear sister in Christ – how I praise God for the work He is doing in her and the strength He has given her to be faithful and obedient to Himself during a difficult time of testing. The key is for us to be sensitive to God’s Spirit, His Word, His prompting, and His leading. We will need to trust God with our husbands and the outcomes:
I admit that marriage and my husband were idols in my life. Then God wooed me – partially through two co-workers who have become my most trusted friends. One of them invited me to a service at her church and it was there that I realized my sin and desperate need for The Saviour. My eyes were opened so wide to my callousness, idolatry and hard heart that I remained totally overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit for a few years.
I brought this, as best as I could, to my husband and ran it past him that I would like to continue at that church. He agreed but never showed a desire to attend. I did not grow up in a Christian home or under any direct Godly influence. He grew up in a small town and with religion where life centered around the church through activities and school but he has never said too much about it. He is kind and caring and was my best friend.
I was shocked when he demanded I stop going to church. He had never demanded anything of me up to that point.
I tried to reason with him – I spoke of God’s love and how my eyes had been opened but he didn’t want to hear any of it. He even threatened divorce. After much discussion, he promised to find a church together but I needed to stop going to that particular church. I had only been there a short while and had learned about worshipping in my heart in whatever church he decided.
I learned a lot about humility very quickly. His demand had left me very confused – I didn’t know how to handle this situation, my knowledge of the Word at that time was really limited. My desire was to please God above all else, to seek His will. One of my trusted friends pointed me to many scriptures but the one I clung to the most was 1 Peter 3:1 “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.” (NLT)
So, I realized this is where the rubber meets the road. The part of that scripture which spoke loudest to me was “without any words”. It was difficult to accept his authority and I wasn’t quite sure at that time what a ‘pure and reverent life’ looked like. But I heard the command ‘without any words’ and that seemed within my realm of possibility. I was quiet for a long time – I continued to be in the Word every day and listened to many podcasts. I waited a couple of months and brought the subject up of finding a church, he was passive-aggressive on the entire topic. No decision had been made. I waited a few weeks more and gently asked again, same response.
I learned a lot during my “quiet period” – how to let the Holy Spirit be the filter for the words I chose to speak but mostly – I learned about forgiveness.
I didn’t want to be a nagging wife. I wanted (and still do desire) to be ‘a crown’ for my husband (Proverbs 12:4). I let go of finding a church home. Almost a year later, I brought the subject up again. This time, while still gentle and humble I boldly brought forward the name of a church that I was interested in going to and invited him to come check it out with me. That was an intense day. He came and approved but the passive-aggressive behavior toward faith and God continues.
I’ve learned that this is where God wants me.
“and if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him.” 1 Corinthians 7:13
“Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you.” 1 Corinthians 7:17
I believe in the Word with all my heart and soul and mind and know that Romans 8:28 is true; He is causing all things to work together for good.
There have been other situations or issues (clearly sin) come up where I’ve had to stand on the Word and against my husband. Of course I want him to be happy but not above (my) obedience to God. One thing, (I think is ok to share) his opinion on baptism which isn’t really in line with what the Bible says from what I can see. I felt the prompting to be baptized and knew it was against my husband’s opinion – but went ahead and was baptized – one of the best decisions I’ve made.
My two trusted friends from work show me a clear picture of Jesus through their friendship. All through the gospels Jesus was humble and available. I see what a gift friendship is, especially Godly friendship – and to remain friends with my husband is to witness with my life and without any words.
- I remain respectful in keeping my time with God early in the morning before my husband is awake and I cherish any moment I have in the Word and in study when I have free time – and he is away for the day.
- I continue to attend the church he is comfortable with and it has turned out to be a better place for me to learn and grow in Christ.
Through submitting to his authority on anything that is not sinful and remaining gentle and sensitive to his needs – I see a new respect coming from him for my faith; it gives me hope for his salvation.
What are some ways God has prompted you to honor your husband that have brought blessing to your family, your marriage, yourself, or your husband in unexpected ways?
If your husband is/was an unbeliever, you are welcome to share how God has prompted you to minister to him.
Gentlemen, if you would like to share why you believe a wife approaching her husband in this way without nagging, preaching, or lecturing would be attractive to husbands, you are welcome to share your perspective.
“My Secret Idol” – (my husband’s salvation)