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Prayer for Those Hurt by Porn Use, Those Addicted to Porn, and Those in the Porn/Sex Industries

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For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Sometimes as believers, we look at situations with worldly eyes and great discouragement, throwing up our hands and saying, “It’s hopeless! Nothing is ever going to change. There is nothing I can do.” Or, maybe we say, “All I can do is pray” – as if prayer to our God is ineffective and as if our Lord is impotent and powerless.

Thankfully, that is NOT at all true!

Sometimes, I think we don’t realize all the power that we have in Christ and, even more importantly, all the power that He has in the universe.

  • Our God is omnipotent. He controls every galaxy and every atom in the universe. (Rev. 19:6)
  • He is omnipresent – there is nothing He doesn’t see. He is everywhere. (Psalm 139)
  • He is sovereign. That means, although He gives each of us humans free will, His purposes cannot and will not be thwarted and no one can stop His plans from coming into fruition. Even people’s sin and rebellion against Him – He is able to use ultimately for His gloveRery and for the good of those who love, trust, and obey Him. Even Satan and his demons can do nothing apart from the permissive will of God. They must ask God’s permission before they can touch us or anyone else. Everything that happens to us has been filtered through the loving, sovereign hands of our God to accomplish His purposes in our lives. (Genesis 37-42, story of Joseph; the slavery and exodus of Israel; Job; Jesus’ crucifixion; every book of the Bible describes God’s sovereignty over the affairs of men)
  • He is not limited by time or space – He does not think in terms of time. He is eternal. He has always existed and He will always exist. Our perspective is very limited, but His is not. (Gen. 21:33)
  • He alone is good – He cannot think evil thoughts toward us or toward anyone. All of His thoughts are good, right, just, holy, loving, and true. (Psalm 34:8, Mark 10:18)
  • He does not allow evil to go unpunished. He is the holy Judge. All people will stand before Him when this life is over and He will judge rightly. (2 Cor. 5:10, Rom. 14:10, Rev. 20:12)

If we put our eyes on the world, on our situation, on our circumstances, on people, or on ourselves – we will be discouraged. But if we keep our eyes on Christ Jesus, study the character of God, trust Him, hope in Him, worship Him, and seek Him with all that we are – we cannot help but see that He is infinitely more powerful than any storm, problem, giant, circumstance, obstacle, or issue. Our fears quickly melt away. We are not in the battle without Him. We are not forsaken. We are not helpless. We are not powerless. He has given us His Spirit, His Word that is sharper than any two-edged sword, His Truth, His presence, and Himself! And He has already won the war! We are victors in Christ! We are more than conquerors! (Romans 8)

If we are in Christ, our old sinful selves died to this world and to sin and were buried with Him and then we were raised to new life with Him when He was resurrected. All that happened to Jesus, God counts as happening to us because were “in Christ” when He lived, died, was buried, and was resurrected – if we are believers. We are no longer slaves to sin the way we used to be (Romans 6). We have the choice now to be “slaves to righteousness.” (This week, please read Romans 6-8  and Galatians 5 if you have not read them lately in order to discover your identity in Christ. “The Normal Christian Life” by Watchman Nee explains how to live out the great theological truths of these passages in Romans in very tangible ways.)

  • The world defines freedom as – the ability to do whatever you want to do.
  • God defines freedom as – the power to do the will of God and walk in obedience to Him

When we belong to Christ, all that we have is His, and all that He has is ours.

We are not paupers. We are not doomed to remain in bondage to sin. We don’t have to stay in the dungeon anymore. In Christ we are set free from the power of sin and death!!!!! That is not theory. That is fact! We are sons and daughters of the Most High God. We have access to the very throne room of heaven and we have the privilege of crying out to Him as beloved children. We have the power of the Holy Spirit of God dwelling in us richly – unless we suppress or grieve His Spirit – but then we can repent and return to Him and allow His Spirit to blast full speed into our lives. We have the ear of God. We have confidence to approach Him boldly and to ask for the help we need as we abide in Christ and His Word and Spirit abide in us and as we seek to walk in total submission and obedience to Him. We don’t get to dictate to God what He must do, as if He submits to us. But we can reverently, humbly approach God, coming into agreement with Him about His will and pray according to Scripture and His will for the needs and people around us, opening up the flood gates of heaven to pour the power of God into the lives of those for whom we pray. When we ask for His wisdom in faith, He grants it to us (James 1:5).

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14

Jesus has not left us as orphans. We are not alone in this world without power, without weapons, without hope.

The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16b

PRAYING FOR THOSE ENSNARED BY PORNOGRAPHY ON BOTH SIDES OF THE ISSUE

Lord,

We thank You and praise You for all that You are and all that You have done for us, are doing for us, and will do for us. You have not abandoned us. You have promised never to leave or forsake us. You love us like a Father loves His precious children. You grant us access to Yourself – the Creator and Ruler of the universe! What a privilege prayer is! What a blessing! What an honor and a gift. How I pray we might savor prayer and how I pray that we might greatly desire You far above anything else in this world. Let prayer be our greatest delight. Let us long for Your presence with fervent hunger for You. You are our only true need. You are the Greatest Treasure. You are our Pearl of Greatest Price. Only let us have You, Lord. You are more than enough. Let us be willing to forsake everything in order to have You, to know You, to love You, to worship, obey, and serve You wholeheartedly!

So many dear loved ones are consumed by sin today, Lord. So many are living as if there is no hope in You. There are strongholds of addictions in the lives of some of our husbands, brothers, fathers, sisters, daughters, sons, friends and for some of us, as well. Today we specifically bring before You all those who are impacted by pornography. They are imprisoned. These strongholds of sin and addiction have these precious men, women, and teenagers ensnared. It is the plan of the enemy to steal, kill, and destroy. That is exactly what pornography does. It steals the joy, peace and treasures that Jesus has given to us. It kills relationships. It destroys individuals, marriages, and families. But You, Jesus, have come that we might have life, and have it to the full! PRAISE GOD!!!!!! We come before You with spiritual weapons of warfare – not with the world’s weapons. And we ask that You might demolish the stronghold that lust and pornography have in the lives of our loved ones and in the lives of many in the church and in the world. We pray that You might strike down every argument and pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, including the stronghold and power of pornography.

We pray that You might destroy the porn and sex industries by Your power. We pray that you might destroy the spiritual forces that fuel these industry. We pray for an army of believers to pray against these weapons of the enemy. We pray that You might stop the funding for these industries. We pray that You might open the eyes of those who are involved in the porn and sex industries to Yourself, that they might find Your great salvation and be saved from this life of emptiness, shame, degradation, slavery (to sin, but also actual slavery for some), sin, and hopelessness. Thank You that every person on this planet is precious to You. We pray that You might reveal to those who use porn and to those involved in the porn and sex industries  that these are people, made in the image of God, that they are not to be used and discarded like trash. Help us all to see the dignity, worth, and value of every human being made in Your image. Set up governments against the porn industry and set up Your spiritual forces against it to tear it down, Lord! Let us hate what You hate. Let us love what You love.

This sin is destroying millions of people and millions of families and children. It is distorting what You created to be good, holy, pure and right – sex in marriage – and making it into something detestable and destructive. Cleanse Your people! Open the eyes of anyone who is involved in porn or the sex industry to the fact that it offends and displeases Your holiness. Let them be convicted by the power of Your Holy Spirit and let them repent and turn fully to Christ to be cleansed, saved from sin, and made right with God through the power of the blood of Jesus. Let them see Your incredible love for them, and the unfathomable lengths You went to in order to seek and save every one of them who is lost. By the power of Your Spirit, let them become holy as You are holy and let them live godly, pure lives that bring great glory to Yourself! Show Your people how to reach those who are ensnared by porn and how to reach those who are involved in these industries – that You might be greatly glorified! Restore individuals to Yourself. Restore marriages. Restore families. Let sex be sacred and holy and treated with great honor among Your people. Let us live holy lives that please You greatly. Let us set godly examples for our children and the following generations. Let there be a massive movement of Your Spirit’s power in our midst! Let there be a new Great Awakening! Let THIS generation rise, by Your power, to become a godly generation, holy and set apart for Your use alone.

We thank and praise You that You have power over all sin and that You give those who belong to You power and victory over all sin. Thank you that no one is beyond Your reach. Thank You that no sin is too great for the blood of Christ to cover it. Use us to reach out to others and to lovingly, joyfully proclaim Your GOOD NEWS! Set many free and bring them to Yourself, that they might know You and have eternal life in You, and that they might have abundant life here, as well. Thank You for all of the lives You are going to change and all of the people who will soon be released from their dark dungeons into Your glorious freedom, mercy, light, truth, and love!!!!

In the Name, power and will of Christ,

Amen!

 

“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:55-58

RELATED:

Praying for My Husband So That God Will Hear

Prayer Day – Consecration

Praying in FAITH Not Fear

Prayer Day – Praying with Respect

Prayer Day – Unity in Our Marriages

Prayer Day – Praying from an Obedient Life

Prayer Day – Desire

Prayer Day – Praying with Humility

RESOURCE:

E.M. Bounds Books on Prayer

68 thoughts on “Prayer for Those Hurt by Porn Use, Those Addicted to Porn, and Those in the Porn/Sex Industries

          1. The book “Surfing For God” helped open my eyes to what I was really looking for.
            Your recent post “When Your Husband Battles Pornography” is very insightful as well.

            God bless your ministery, April

  1. I love how Michael Pearl puts it: We use to play in the mud. We’d even find different colors of mud to play in but now that we’ve been freed from sin, we no longer play in it. Sometimes we stumble in it but we quickly get out, wipe ourselves off and thank the good Lord for forgiving us for ALL of our sins over 2,000 years ago on the cross. What an awesome God we serve!

  2. Amen! Amen! Amen!!!

    This post has me wanting to shout! And, I am a pretty quiet person. 🙂

    Just as you said, I am not sure we fully understand and embrace the power that we have in Christ! Prayer is SUCH a powerful tool and our lifeline (along with His Word).

    Love love love this!!!!

    1. Lee Ann,
      I’m right there with you! This is GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!

      And God lets US get to share it with other people. WOOHOO!!!!!!

      Thank you for celebrating God’s power to overcome sin, addiction, pornography, and anything destructive in our lives with me! If we knew the power we have in Christ, and the victory that is ours- we would live this life VERY differently. 🙂

  3. Thank you for this prayer April.
    I’m a single young woman who is dealing with pornography. I was exposed to sexuality/pornography at about 9 years old. This produced a heart full of lust. I came to know Christ almost 3 years ago and i really thought i was free from lusts. For almost 2 years i didn’t fall into this sin ,and for most of that time i wasn’t even tempted.Then earlier this year the temptation became so strong that i fell, and i have continue to fall since.This sin has given my spiritual life a beating. I’m in a state of weakness, i don’t even feel like fighting anymore. My prayer life,time in the word and fellowship with God continues to diminish and i don’t even have the strength to over come it. I’m on the edge and many day feel like giving up.
    Even though i’m in such a difficult place, i believe God will give me freedom and He will somehow use this mess for His glory. He is good.Thank you for the encouragement.

    1. Grace,

      How I wish that children were NEVER exposed to this junk! 🙁 Breaks my heart!

      I praise God for what He has done in your life, my precious sister! Can you reach out to http://www.xxxchurch.org or go to http://www.brentriggs.com and get his e-book about overcoming pornography. Or, go to http://www.covenanteyes.com and read the resources they have.

      It is time to get up, my precious girl. You are weak because you cannot be filled with God’s Spirit if you are cherishing sin in your heart. When we cherish sin in our hearts, we grieve God’s Spirit, then we have no power over sin.

      But you are a daughter of the King of kings! You have the blood of Jesus in your life, if you are His. You died to sin and to this world and to your old self. You don’t have to live in sin anymore. Jesus has given you total victory over sin. Confess your sin to God. Turn from it. Get the accountability that you need in your life. Turn back to Christ with all your heart! The enemy wants to keep you paralyzed and enslaved, but you have been set free from your dungeon! You can go sit in there if you want to. But your shackles are broken and your dungeon door is wide open. Jesus opened it. You can run into His glorious freedom, light, truth, peace, and joy!

      God can absolutely use all of this ickiness for His glory. But it is time to put away the sin now. Let’s take this to Jesus together. Let Him wash You. Get into His Word. Ask Him to remove the sin. If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. I John 1:9.

      Stop listening to the enemy. Stop listening to your old sinful desires. Make no provision for your flesh, my sister! Fill your heart and mind with Christ and His Word and His Spirit and His truth. When those thoughts come to tempt you, stop them. Trash them. And replace them with the truth of God’s Word.

      Sending you a huge hug, my friend and sister!

      1. I need prayer and advice.

        My sister and her family and my family moved into a farm last summer. We moved from the city to get away from the world and raise our own food. We were all doing great. My sister than asked if her adult son and his new wife could move in with us. I had already heard that his wife was a stripper and still dressed like one. I said, if she can be modest on our home and support themselves than we will be ok.

        The first week they were here I walked into the kitchen where new wife was bent over the kitchen counter, in a bikini chopping vegetables next to my brother in law. I was furious and felt disrespected. I have six kids. Three of them are teenagers, two impressionable boys and an identity seeking girl. I walked in my living room once to see her lying on the couch with her private parts exposed and no underwear! It has been awful, I’ve spoken to my sister about the immodest dress and it was shrugged off. They also are lazy and don’t pay any rent because they both quit their jobs. They eat our food but keep their own food separate and yell at anyone who touches it, including my children.

        I’ve been praying and fasting for this spirit to leave my house for eight months, all while keeping my mouth shut and biting my tongue. But last week, I found out that this woman told my fourteen year old son she was a porn star and slept with over 300 men. She also pulled up ‘porn fails’on our seventeen year old son’s computer with him watching. It all came out in the open two nights ago. Jeremy and I stated that we want them to leave but my sister and brother in law are defending these actions and want us to blow it off. There is no remorse, no apology and my sister is angry that we confronted them and will not speak to me or our children. My nephew is mad at my kids for telling on them.

        I’m devastated! Am I wrong to feel like this verges on sexual abuse of a minor? Am I crazy?My house is filled with the spirit of evil and I need some unbiased outside advice!

        1. Lisa,

          What a mess! 🙁

          What does your husband want to do?

          I am glad you are praying and fasting. I pray that God might draw this wife and your nephew to Himself. That is their greatest need – as it is for all of us. They are not beyond the reach of the blood of Christ, praise God!

          But – this is not an environment where I would want my children to be raised and these are not things I would want my children to be exposed to.

          What has your husband said about all of this?

          Much love!

  4. My husband’s porn addiction has almost ruined our marriage. He has exploited my photos all over the internet among other things. We are currently in counseling working to overcome. I filled for divorce the day after Thanksgiving actually. His addiction lead to cheating and other things that have burned awful images into my mind. I stumbled upon this blog just last week and this is just what I needed.

  5. April- can you add prayers for children of Christian families who have been caught up in this evil addiction? Please pray for my boy ,who is a mighty young man of God, raised in Christian school, movies and TV restricted, enemy still got to him.
    It is part of a generational curse through my husbands father. My husband and I struggled with this curse for 25 years but I’m pretty sure my husband is free. I finally learned how not to be his Holy Spirit so only he and God know for sure. But this is my baby! I have been fasting once a week on this issue for months and the more prayers , the better!
    I will also pray your boy doesn’t get ensnared.

    1. Blessed,

      Yes, this is a huge issue! So many young children – middle school and elementary school age children – get caught in this snare. 🙁

      Lord,
      We lift up the children who wandered into the prison of pornography. Please give their parents Your wisdom about how to help walk them through this and how to find victory in Christ. Please give parents Your wisdom about how we can best prevent our children from being polluted by the world. But we cannot always protect them. Help us to teach them Your truths. Equip them to face temptation in Your power. We pray that You might set these precious children free from porn, that they might serve You faithfully and be used mightily in Your kingdom. Please provide the resources, wisdom, truth, love, grace, and mercy that each one needs.

      in the Name and power of Christ,
      Amen!

          1. . . .–Oh I just love how you go right to prayer on things when the enemy comes in like a flood. . .Whole BLOGs just on prayer. . . That is so smart, so powerful and extremely disarming. . .(I don’t understand some of the other things. . . Why I Wear Skirts Daily???, et. al. . .–I don’t need to understand that. —Thank you so much!

            . . . . . . . . Porneia in NT times was a very wide word. Porneia is a noun but as a verb it is porneuō which is porneia in an action form. . . . So, without an interminable screed on Greek words and context, how do could we apply the concepts? . . . A marriage is made up of emotional/mental, physical and spiritual connections. We have the same sort of connections with other people we interact with however there are exclusive levels defined within marriage that you should not seek anywhere else (Unless you want to hurt the entire body of Christ –All of us.) For example, physical is just not the sexual relationship but the closeness that a married couple shares. That closeness should be unique to the marriage and should NOT be satisfied anywhere else and the same goes with the emotional and spiritual. The highest levels should be reserved for God (FIRST) then your spouse. After God, your highest emotional relationship should be with your marriage partner. —And likewise with physical and spiritual. Now, if you reach these levels with another that is NOT your spouse then you are committing porneia. Obviously, affairs with your spouse are NOT porneia but we can use the contrasting affairs to define just what these affairs are limited to. These affairs then are “marital affairs” because they are defined through a marriage filter but do extend even to people who are not married. This means a single person can still have marital affairs. It doesn’t matter if a person is married or not it is the actions they are doing that define them as “marital affairs”. All that said, only God can see where you/your friends/family are blind. . . . .So ask Him with an open heart about your own porneia in all its forms.

            . . . . As Christians we look bad enough as it is. . . Please, for the love of God, if you are going to have an affair or worse, have it with your own spouse! Sneak around with them and meet them in out of the way hotels/resorts. If you are loving & respecting your spouse really well, they will work with you –BIG TIME! . . .Marriages generally end for one reason only: Selfishness; BE Selfless & SWEET. . . . . . I must be massively naive because I just fail to see what men/women can get from porn that they can’t get from each other in marriage. . . . So don’t just manage your sin, that’s not repentance. Actually when God changes you, you don’t even desire the same things anymore. Give the Lord your undivided attention. —Otherwise, “Born-again/Christ Relationship” living is just a crutch which no longer facilitates healing and growth, but actually protracted immaturity. The change in our lives cannot be so subtle, so undetectable, so un-falsifiable (falsifiability), so intangible as to be just NOTHING. We need to know that prayers are being answered rather than being deceived by coincidence, confirmation bias, motivated reasoning or worse. For us Christians to assert that we don’t need that kind of rigor is to be intellectually dishonest/irresponsible.

            “Don’t lie, and don’t do what you hate, because all things are disclosed before heaven. After all, there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, and there is nothing covered up that can remain undisclosed.” –Jesus, Gospel of Thomas saying #6

          2. Jeff,

            There is so much power in prayer!!!

            Thank you very much for sharing your heart and insights. Amen! Amen!!! I love the part about not just “managing your sin.” Jesus destroyed our sin and we are no longer slaves to it! He can and will change our desires to match His own and He absolutely can give victory over sin. We serve a mighty God!!!

          3. Peacefulwife,
            . . . I never realized until recently that people like you had these POWERFUL ministries that are feeding and encouraging people on a scale like this –unbelievable. I thought things were getting worse and worse (I know that shows a serious lack of faith in the Lord but I’m just being honest). —J. Warner Wallace, a Christian apologist, told me a couple years ago that every one —-EVERY ONE— of the teens in his youth group he directed walked away from Christianity —EVERY ONE of them!!! The reasons they all gave were all similar: They all said Christianity was NOT true (Please Convince Me pleaseconvinceme.com/) . . . I have a PhD in New Testament/Systematic Theology but even I fear what we will do against the tide of new agnostics. . . . We have folks walking through Christianity like melted butter. . . . . The 250 (PhDs in New Testament/ Systematic Theology) scholars of the Jesus Seminar found, after 25 years of intense study, that only 18% of the statements and 16% of the deeds attributed to Jesus have any likelihood of being historically accurate. (These are world-class scholars and many have great marriages and they would die for their wives too!) In other words, what they are saying is that the Christ-of-faith IS NOT the Jesus-of-history. —-I talk to a lot of teens and this is how they view it: God needs BLOOD to fix the Universe —-BUT only His BLOOD has enough POWER to do it, so He gave himself a body and then killed it? . . . To them that is Creepy. . . . . That is just creepy. . . To many scholars, if just sounds like another of the dying and rising Gods that pre-date Jesus: Romulus, Osiris, Attis, Adonis, Inanna, Dionysus, Mithras, Tammuz, Asclepius. . . .In other words, Jesus a fusion of Osiris, Zalmoxis, Dionysus . . .Most everybody in the first century believed in Mithras the Savior. . . . . In scholarly debates I always get it thrown in my face that: “If God wanted us to have his words, why don’t we have them? The New Testament has at least 375,000 textual variants (I always grab that number if I can because I think it could –actually– be as high as 600,000) in almost 5,800 extant manuscripts (96% of our manuscripts come from 9th century or later).” . . . . And we do not have full copies of the New Testament until 275 years after Jesus. That is a HUGE –DARK- tunnel period of absolute unknowns (—What would you think of the Declaration of Independence if the first copy you had was not from 1776 but 1950?) . . .Can we trust a message that has a tunnel period like that and has spawned thousands of denominations?

            . . . Anyway, if people can come to places like this and get feed and really encouraged –Wow!!!!! —Just WOW!!!!!!!!! —I think the work that you do is FAR more important than even you may realize. If Christian marriages are not good, well that is really the LAST straw. If Christian marriages are not good, we really don’t have much of any witness. We can’t (–I certainly can’t –if ANYONE can, help us all out!). . . —We can’t demonstrate the existence of a soul –any soul; We can’t demonstrate that heaven or hell exists –If anyone can, I wish they would —Demonstrating either one would be equally good. We can’t demonstrate that eternity is even a possibility for a soul. . . . If Christian marriages are good that is demonstrable.

            The question that really gets to me is below. I don’t know how to answer it. –I know that sounds so feeble and lame. –I mean, I can answer it with esoteric words and smoke –I say that to my shame— but that is NO real answer. . . .I am asking you because you appear to have very refined spiritual insights, and you obviously know how to pray well and sometimes people like me are just over thinking things. Here it is (I truly apologize if this sounds a bit harsh but this is the way it gets put to me in debates) . . . . . . .Faith, honestly applied, can prove ANYTHING therefore it can prove NOTHING. Faith is pretending to KNOW things you really DO NOT know. Hearts are completely unreliable organs to guide you to the truth and therefore, faith cannot guide you to the truth. More than this, Faith is intellectual dishonesty and special pleading for your faith tradition. Once you take that first wrong step morally by believing things without evidence (and you know you do not have evidence because you call it faith) you can justify ANYTHING. Faith “proves” all claims. What is commendable about believing things without evidence? That makes the price of that ticket to heaven intellectual dishonesty. I have this “feeling in my heart” but the hearts of every other believer in every other religion deceives them. Are you are just going with your culture, your cradle, your upbringing? Do you really care if what you believe is true or are you going with it because it happens to be useful? Faith is based “firmly” upon feeling, and certain notions are postulated as “fact” because of the security they afford the believer. —That appears unanswerable to me.

            . . . .Again, I’m asking you because you appear to me to have a serious amount of spiritual insight and God has obviously entrusted you with this incredible ministry. . . .Again, I just love the prayer BLOGS!

          4. Jeff,

            All the good that is done here and all the power is from God alone. I can certainly not claim one ounce of credit for myself. I am in awe every day that God has decided to use me to be a vessel of His. I can never thank Him enough for all that He has done in my life. And now, He gives me a front row virtual seat to get to watch as He transforms hundreds of women, maybe thousands, around the world (as well as many men). I am most humbled and long only to exalt Christ and His Word here.

            I beleive people are leaving the church because they see that it is “fake.” Because Jesus isn’t there. We have watered things down so much in many churches, and we do not have God’s power in our churches, in our marriages and in our families. If people saw the truth being lived out through the power of God’s Spirit, I believe many more would stay. I know that it is impossible to reverse the great apostasy that is happening, but how I pray for God to move powerfully among His people and bring us to repentance that we might truly live in submission to Him.

            True, if we don’t have godly marriages, we have nothing to offer to the world. Marriage is to be a picture of Christ and His church, and if we cannot portray marriage properly, we have no power to share the gospel.

            Jesus has always been a stumbling block to everyone, including scholars. I hope you’ll forgive me, but I don’t put a lot of faith in what scholars have to say. As a pharmacist for almost 20 years, I know how much science and human knowledge is changing all the time, and how a treatment regimen that we upheld as “the gospel” truth 20 years ago has now been completely disproven or shown to actually be more harmful than no treatment at all. Human wisdom changes constantly. It is a moving target. I don’t spend time in scholarly circles or debates. I have too much to do for God! I think it is easy to allow the debates and latest studies to derail us and distract us.

            Right now, I have the flu, so my brain is mush. But, that is the saddest definition of faith I have ever heard!!i don’t really see where God expects us to base our faith on nothing. I believe there is adequate evidence to base our faith on facts about God. And I certainly don’t agree with basing faith on feelings. That is dangerous!

            I hope to be able to address your comment more later when I am more coherent.

            May God richly bless your walk with Christ!

          5. Peacefulwife,
            Thank you so, so much for your response. You are more than kind to spend that much time on my thoughts and to help me with that question. . . . . I can’t wait until your flu is passed because I would love to see your response. I also like how you are going to think it over –always a sign of intelligence.

            ”I believe people are leaving the church because they see that it is “fake.” Because Jesus isn’t there. We have watered things down so much in many churches, and we do not have God’s power in our churches, in our marriages and in our families. If people saw the truth being lived out through the power of God’s Spirit, I believe many more would stay.”

            . . . . . –Oh, you wouldn’t even believe it. . . . Look at Hell. It is not even culturally available in churches anymore. In people’s minds God just forgives everything for everybody all the time. No consequences.

            “I know that it is impossible to reverse the great apostasy that is happening, but how I pray for God to move powerfully among His people and bring us to repentance that we might truly live in submission to Him.”

            . . . . . . I agree. . . . I just don’t know how it can reverse. . . . About seven weeks ago, I’m out running in the area where Irenaeus (born 130) lived. Praying as I run —like I do! Irenaeus was Bishop of Lugdunum in Gaul. Gaul was then a part of the Roman Empire —-now Lyon, France –where I live part of the time. Irenaeus was an early Church Father and apologist, and his writings were VERY important in the early development of Christian theology —Irenaeus’ best-known book was Against Heresies (c. 180) —-He was an exemplary Christian witness by the way!!! . . . . My heart is just pounding –like it always is at the end of a hard run. I look up and there on the wall next to the street. . . . . . . On the wall (In French). . . . here is part of it translated in English:

            (The melody is a very popular U.S. Sunday school jingle…)

            Jesus must be myth I know,
            Forged epistles tell me so,
            13 claimed to be by Paul,
            Scholars agree 6 aren’t at all.

            Myth, Jesus must be…
            Myth, Jesus must be…
            Myth, Jesus must be…
            The peer-reviewed research tells me so…

            Jesus must be myth I know,
            40 gospels tells me so.
            Why were only 4 retained,
            When more than 30 still remained.

            Myth, Jesus must be…
            Myth, Jesus must be…
            Myth, Jesus must be…
            The research tells me so…

            Jesus must be myth I know,
            The Rank-Raglan hero scale tells me so.
            Hercules scores 17,
            So J.C.’s 20 is obscene.

            Myth, Jesus must be…
            Myth, Jesus must be…
            Myth, Jesus must be…
            The peer-reviewed research tells me so…

            . . . way more was there but you get the drift. . . . . . Into my mind immediately comes Luke 18:8 . . . “Je vous dis que bientôt il leur fera justice. Mais quand le fils de l’homme viendra, trouvera-t-il de la foi sur la terre?.” . . . . When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on earth? No, NO HE will not. Absolutely NOT. . . . What is the matter with people??? Europe is finished —-Its only me, our house church, and the street preacher in Paris when I go up there. . . And he gets constant abuse, I don’t know how he deals with it.

            “Jesus has always been a stumbling block to everyone, including scholars. I hope you’ll forgive me, but I don’t put a lot of faith in what scholars have to say. . . . . “the gospel” truth 20 years ago has now been completely disproven or shown to actually be more harmful than no treatment at all.”

            . . . Oh, how true! I see your points and agree with you. My wife was a cancer surgeon before she died of cancer herself (—Life is so sad.) I saw the treatment plans she used change dramatically over the decades of her doing surgery. —Can’t talk about that much without starting to cry, however.

            . . . . I will say this however, the main reason we know anything about Jesus and God is because of the Bible and the Bible was not written in English (as you know). . . . God’s love languages: Koine Greek (primary), Hebrew, and a little Aramaic. Once you understand God’s languages, syntax, logical flows, and the way those words work, how their meanings are determined (or not determined), the importance of context, and the avoidance of certain exegetical fallacies. . . .Well, it was the difference between watching a first generation black-and-white TV –vs- a wall-sized, high-definition plasma in Technicolor. I started trusting nothing but primary sources and the historical chain of evidence for any claim and actually reading the SOURCE materials (extant manuscripts) MYSELF. —-Not books about those sources that contain SPIN –Big Spin!!! In fact, many Bibles are just Targums, retooled according to either Politically Correctness or Evangelical Devotionalism or, nightmarishly, both!

            “. . . . that is the saddest definition of faith I have ever heard!! I don’t really see where God expects us to base our faith on nothing. I believe there is adequate evidence to base our faith on facts about God. And I certainly don’t agree with basing faith on feelings. That is dangerous!”

            . . . That certainly is. I agree. But that definition is what young people on college campuses throw at me. I am trying to craft an answer that is part head but mostly heart. . . Kids are so hard hitting these days: Last July a girl on the campus at the University of London asked me: If God Believes NO ONE created HIM does that make Him an Atheist?. . . . Hellfire & Brimstone —Kids!!!

            The test cannot come down to seeing how little evidence one can believe on because that would be a sorry gift to return to the creator of human intelligence! God must not want to see how effectively we can shut down the strong, RATIONAL, critical reasoning abilities he gave us to survive? That can’t be the test. That is a false stumbling block. The faith-commitment to Christ would not be threatened, eroded, or contradicted in the least if we knew for a fact that Jesus existed, died for sins and rose from the dead. Every faith system says all you have to do is believe but that logic proves Jack and the Beanstalk too. Swallowing intellectual dishonesty IS NOT the same as yielding one’s rebellious will to the Savior. Swallowing intellectual dishonesty IS NOT a virtuous deed, so virtuous in fact that one will be damned for not doing it. The students always say to me something like this: Faith is pretending to know things you don’t know. —Playing a childish pretend game. The believer is the host of this faith virus. The pretending-to-know-things-you-don’t-know pandemic hurts us all. Believing things on the basis of something other than evidence and reason causes people to misconstrue what’s good for them and for their communities.

            If we can’t get the next generation of kids on board, we are in a backwater and dying. . . . We all know that we can’t receive anything until our hearts are OPEN and it is very hard for us to leave ours heart open so most people just don’t. . . . We also know that people don’t care what we know until they know we really, r-e-a-l-l-y care. So, it is usually impossible to get across ANYTHING to ANYONE because we are defensive and ON GUARD. . . .

            Sincerely in Christ,

          6. Jeff,

            I think that the lack of teaching about hell in our churches is a big part of why people don’t see their need for Jesus. Who needs Him if there is no hell and everyone is going to heaven, right?

            I don’t know that the entire Great Apostasy can reverse. It is part of the prophecy about the end times, after all. However, I do believe that God always keeps a remnant and that He is able to draw His people to Himself and bring a new Great Awakening in our midst. That is my prayer! How I long for every person to know and receive Christ, though!

            I have been reading about Europe – I know that the US is just a generation or so from being exactly where Europe is. I suppose, in some places, we may already be there, too. 🙁

            I am so very sorry to hear about your wife’s passing. Thank you for sharing about her experience.

            Wow. That would be amazing to be able to read the texts in the original language. I would love to hear some of your translations! Is there a translation that you prefer that seems to be closest to the original language?

            Interesting that probably most of these students believe in evolution – and have no problem putting faith in that – which, in my view, has way less evidence than Creation. They have faith – they use faith all the time. They just probably don’t recognize it.

            One thing I have found online is that people can be a lot more open and vulnerable with their real problems than they would be in person in a church. When you talk about the issues and pain they are facing – many people are willing to share their pain and heartbreak. That is such a great place to begin to share the love of Christ.

            In Him,
            April

          7. Jeff,

            One of the things I look forward to most is to see all that God does here through this ministry when I stand before Him in heaven. I know that the ripples go far beyond what I can see. I am so excited to see God’s power at work and to get to watch every angle of it one day. 🙂

            It is difficult for me to see where there is a lot of value in debating with people who have no interest in Christ or His Word at all. And, it is difficult for me to see how someone who refuses to believe in God could begin to understand the faith of a believer in Christ. But, it seems to me that God gives us plenty of evidence upon which we can base our faith. Of course, nature pours forth speech about the external nature of God and His wisdom as well as His omnipotence and intelligence. The Scriptures impart much wisdom about who God is and contain evidence of Jesus coming to earth, dying for us, and overcoming death on our behalf. The lives of believers also demonstrate God’s power. God’s Spirit at work around the world also gives much evidence about who God is and what He is doing. It would be ridiculous to put faith in something with no evidence, in my view. And, I think it would be ridiculous to base faith on feelings. I don’t see where Jesus ever called anyone to come to faith in Him without any evidence and I don’t see where Jesus ever asked people to believe based on feelings. This whole definition of “faith” seems so faulty and flawed to me – I don’t really see the point of attempting to have a debate about it. There is no intellectual dishonesty when we come to Christ – because God does give us evidence enough for us to build our faith upon something solid. Yes, there are some things we won’t see and know until heaven – but there are many things we can see and know now.

            To me, rather than go around and around with people in endless debates, I would rather reach out speaking the truth in love to people who are interested in hearing the gospel and who want to learn about Christ and who want to learn to live out His Word. God has given me a calling to minister to real women in the midst of every day life and trials – and I get to see Him do miracles every single day. It is the most incredible experience of my life.

            God woke me up 6 years ago to my sin and radically changed me. The things He asked me to do were not things that I wanted to do or that were “warm and fuzzy.” I didn’t want to do what He asked me to do many times. But His Word, His Spirit, and my growing faith in Him help me to have the light I need to see each step of the way. He is able to speak powerfully to us. He is able to change us in ways we could never change ourselves. He is able to give us real victory over sin. Our God is so very powerful! I just want to sing His praises all day long. 🙂

            Much love, my brother,
            April

          8. “It is difficult for me to see where there is a lot of value in debating with people who have no interest in Christ or His Word at all. And, it is difficult for me to see how someone who refuses to believe in God could begin to understand the faith of a believer in Christ.”

            . . . .April, try as I might, I can’t leave them to die in their sins. I have to find some way to reach these enemies of Christ. . . . .When I was a rescue swimmer for the coast guard doing helicopter air-sea rescue, we had a 55 foot sailboat torn apart by a storm and a family was in the water (Mom, Dad –2 kids). They got spread out for miles. We thought all of them were dead but Mom. I went into the water to get her and she just howled and screamed and screamed at me. She just knew, she just knew the rest of her family was dead. She didn’t want to live anymore and told me so. I had no assurance anyone else was alive. As I moved toward her, she started hitting me as hard as possible. She landed a couple of punches that ultimately gave me a serious black eye. She was so wild and brutal that finally I handled her like a combatant and the whole time I was praying –Lord help me save this women even if she doesn’t want to be saved and Lord Jesus help not to get angry and break her arm. Later we found out that our other helicopter air-sea rescue had picked up the rest of her family.

            April. . . .When I see the prayers you pray and read the things you tell other women. . . .I know, I know it is true because I can see your heart. I know Christ has changed you and that you are His. I know that —–but that only makes it true for me. Objectively, I can’t demonstrate anything but the psychological benefits that appear in other religions and are lighting up the identical areas of the brain. All I am left with is “believe and you too will see.” A circular argument that smart young people will not accept.

            . . . .It’s the cosmos that gave us life? How does that help us feed the poor? How does that help us love our wife? It doesn’t; it absolutely doesn’t because if it is true is a very different question than if it is useful. Those are very different questions. It can be highly useful even if it is not true at all. I could have lied to that women in the water. . . (Your family is safe). . . It would have made my life so much easier but it would have been a lie.

            “It would be ridiculous to put faith in something with no evidence, in my view. And, I think it would be ridiculous to base faith on feelings. I don’t see where Jesus ever called anyone to come to faith in Him without any evidence and I don’t see where Jesus ever asked people to believe based on feelings.” –I’ll think more on this. . . . This is a lot to think about.

            . . . . .April, thank you for encouraging me and sharing so much your time with me. You are so gracious with your time —its amazing to me. –And, I love how grounded and positive you stay. . . . Just hearing your story gives me so many ideas of how to help others come to know the Lord. . . . . I just can’t leave them to die in their sins, in the water, even though that is what they choose and even if they hate me for it (–and I know many of them hate me for it because they tell me that, especially young people.) —So help me Jesus, so help me God.

          9. Jeff,

            I don’t mean for you to leave them to die in their sins! I just wonder if there isn’t some way to reach them other than debating. Wow. What an amazing story about the woman you were able to save.

            We can pray together for these young people. Let’s start with that! I can tell you this… I have a blog for single women, too. And – young people are STARVING for information about how to make romantic relationships work. They have no idea. They are empty and hungry and searching for answers.

            I think you can change the definition they want to use of “faith.” And I think you can agree with them that it would be ridiculous to put “faith” in something with no evidence or to base “faith” only on feelings and that God doesn’t ever ask us to do that. I think of John the Baptist when he sent his men to ask Jesus if He was the Christ. Jesus didn’t ask John to just believe based on feelings or no evidence. He gave solid evidence for them to report to John. We can do the same thing for people today!

            Many people hate me, too, my precious brother. There is much opposition to God’s Word and to the truth. That is ok. My questions are
            – wouldn’t there be ways to reach their hearts with God’s truth other than debating them?
            – couldn’t we cover this situation with prayer first and ask God’s Spirit to speak to them – because – without His Spirit opening their eyes – nothing you say will reach their hearts?
            – why would you need to use their definitions when their definitions are so very wrong?

            I do hope to get to respond more soon. I don’t have all the answers – that is for sure. But – I do know that our great God does. And I have seen Him reach many people who seem unreachable. I just haven’t seen that many people reached through debating myself. I see people reached when someone talks about some topic that these people are interested in, a topic that exposes a need they have, and then they are able to ask questions and share the needs of their hearts. Many times they do start out in anger. Marriage is a fantastic platform to reach many women, for instance. And romantic relationships is a fantastic platform to reach many single women. I don’t know what platform God may want you to use – I am sure He will make that clear to you.

            Lord,
            We lift up Jeff and these precious young people to Your throne room in the highest heaven. We know that their need for You is profound. And we know that they don’t believe in You at this time. How we all long for them to hear and receive Your glorious gospel that can give them true Life! I pray that You might open their hearts to Your truth. I pray that You might empower Jeff to speak the very Words You desire Him to speak and that Your Spirit will draw these young people to Yourself. Thank You that Jeff loves these college students. Thank You that You love them infinitely more than any of us could. Thank You that You are able to reach them. Thank You that You are able to draw them to Yourself and transform them into a new godly generation that can transform the world for Your glory! Give Jeff the power, the encouragement, the support, the team, the resources, and the wisdom to do the ministry to which You have called him. Make him faithful and use him mightily in Your kingdom for Your greatest glory, Lord. We love You and can’t wait to see all that You have in store!
            in the Name and power and will of Christ,
            Amen!

          10. Jeff,
            Are you the professor in a class for these students? How do you meet them?

            To me, debates seem to set people up as adversaries. It seems hard to show God’s love in a debate format. How does that work?

            Some of the greatest needs and hungers I have seen in this new generation are things like:
            – healing from sexual abuse
            – healing from parents’ divorces
            – healing from porn
            – understanding why the hook up culture can never bring satisfaction
            – authentic femininity/masculinity

          11. . . .Obviously, it is time for everyone to focus on the Lord and their families and so I’ll wait to reply to all of the rest of the issues in the New Year. However. . . .

            1) I think that I am starting to really understand/appreciate your technique of
            Spiritual Jiu-Jitsu. You just don’t confront strength head-on but side step it with love, kindness and blessings and that appears a lot more effective than confronting Godlessness head on.
            2) You have made me realize –anew– that prayer is really all we have. If God doesn’t change hearts, I’m just talking to myself no matter how well researched and reasoned.
            3) You also opened my eyes to the fact that people may be using theological issues as cover for not repenting of sin in a much greater way than even I supposed. In other words, you say: Some of the greatest needs and hungers I have seen in this new generation are things like:– healing from sexual abuse – healing from parents’ divorces – healing from porn – understanding why the hook up culture can never bring satisfaction – authentic femininity/ masculinity. . .European university kids (Université Pierre; Paris; Strasbourg, et. al.) are telling me their issues are about Christianity NOT being true —but maybe it is really more about holding onto sin/hurts. . . . Not wanting to repent of hooking-up, porn, not wanting to take male/female responsibility, etc. —Kids sure seem sincere, but maybe that is my own gullibility.

            April, you say things like: “. . .I think of John the Baptist when he sent his men to ask Jesus if He was the Christ. Jesus didn’t ask John to just believe based on feelings or no evidence. He gave solid evidence for them to report to John. We can do the same thing for people today. . .!” . . . .Now, April, when you tell me something like that out of the Bible, I believe it immediately because I believe the Bible is the Word of God. When I talk/debate with students (-many are 2nd generation atheists), they say: That is a story in a book NOT even written by the witnesses to the story. Some unknown guys writing decades later from no one knows where, in a different language, said someone else saw something they heard about. These stories are decades old in oral transmission before they are even written down. —Not to mention that those who have studied it are even harder to deal with. They will say: The New Testament is completely lost. The tunnel period with NO manuscripts is hundreds of years long and that is the period with the highest error/highest redaction rate. We can’t analyze documents we do not have. It could have said: This is a story and that was not copied. —God breathed it but gave no care to keep it?

            So, now, comes to play all those needs you discussed. Christ can make those romantic relationships work because He is all about safety and security (–and all romance is about safety and security.) More than this, you have to be a Black Belt in forgiveness to make relationships work and Christ can teach anyone that. All the healing kids need (hooking-up, porn, not wanting to take male/female responsibility) can obviously happen when people are committed to Christ and their hearts are changed. In fact, and maybe I’m naïve on this, if couples would just cycle through a basic list of questions during their prayer time with each other: Do you feel loved and cared for in our relationship? . . . . Can you safely express an opinion that is different from mine? . . . . Do I show enough interest in you and your needs? . . . . Are you able to express your honest thoughts and feelings with me? . . . . What am I NOT doing that you need? . . . . What needs am I not meeting? . . . .What am I NOT hearing? . . . . What do I do that makes you feel really loved/respected? . . . . What can I pray with you for? (. . . And praying –obviously –, praying is G-R-E-A-T because it really reveals your spouse’s heart and it is incredibly BONDING.) —Again, maybe I’m naïve on this, but I would think that would be clearing up A LOT of issues. . . . .But that would be one shocking (–ha, ha, ha, ha) answer to (and these discussions get heated once they get going): Why is the original text of the New Testament is A HYPOTHETICAL CONSTRUCT and only new and different manuscripts discoveries will enable us to break through? WE DO NOT HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE OF THE TRANSMISSION AND ALTERNATION OF THE TEXT IN THE TUNNELL PERIOD OF THE FIRST TWO CENTURIES. The New Testament text is more unsettled than ever, and PERHAPS FINALLY, UNSETTLED. The ultimate text, if there ever was one that deserves to be so called, IS FOREVER IRRECOVERABLE. In general, THE WHOLE THING IS LIMITED TO PROBABILITY JUDGMENTS. . . . . . . .—-You know what? I’ll try it anyway. I’ll weave a whole set of relationship concepts into a presentation and see how it goes. If anything, it will cause people to think. —-Because really, maybe the “issue” (How do we know this is true?) is NOT really THE ISSUE. . . . .Most young people (and just people) have vast quantities of relationship issues –no doubt. I could see some of them committing their lives to the Lord to solve them.

          12. Jeff,

            1. Yes, I believe there is much power in approaching people with the love of God. It is His kindness that leads us to repentance. 🙂

            2. Yes! Prayer is all we have and it is all we need and it is more powerful than any of us have ever imagined! And Yes! If God’s Spirit is not working in a person’s soul, nothing I say can bring them to Him. Believe me, I have tested that one! I sent emails back and forth with one hard-hearted wife multiple times a day for 6 months thinking she was about to understand any day. She never did. Not yet – at least. But I know God is working on her in His timing. It doesn’t matter how persuasively I argue or what I say… until God draws her to Himself – she cannot hear anything I am saying. And when God does work in a person’s heart – it all suddenly clicks.

            3. YES! The issues go much deeper than “Christianity is not true.” If you had all of the evidence in the world – they don’t want to believe and they won’t believe until God works in them. You could have video footage of Jesus from the Sermon on the Mount and the crucifixion, but they would not believe right now. It is not about the evidence. The two hundred years is not the issue. For atheists, there is more than enough evidence to prove God’s existence from what has been created. We can all look at a piece of paper and realize that a person with intelligence made it. If you take a course in any field of science – God’s wisdom and handiwork screams from every principle that is taught. But if they believed that God existed, that would change everything for them. They would then have to consider His Words and consider their sin. They don’t want to do that. And yet, they are broken, hungry and desperate for Christ.

            Jesus even gave evidence to the Pharisees. Not the evidence they wanted – but He did give them evidence. And it was enough. I am not saying that the example of Jesus with John the Baptist or Jesus with the Pharisees will speak to these students. I am giving these examples for you. 🙂 God does provide evidence – for those who want to find Him. It is not always the evidence we want Him to provide. I also think about the parable of Lazarus and the rich man when Abraham told the rich man who was in hell, “Even if someone were raised from the dead, they would not believe.” We HAVE someone who was raised from the dead! And, of course, many do not believe.
            YES! The problems and insecurities and hunger that these kids are facing are REAL. Their desperation and hopelessness are real. Jesus has answers to their pain. Love those relationship questions!

            When people can witness a godly marriage – it is like a living parable that displays the very relationship between Christ and His church – and it draws people to Christ. They want that kind of intimacy, love, acceptance, purpose, peace, joy, security, respect, etc…

            Praying for wisdom for you! I know God will direct you.

            Merry Christmas!

            3.

          13. . . . So, yes, —I also would go to the gospel of Luke’s Lazarus teaching (–People will NOT believe EVEN IF one comes back from the dead, Luke 16:20-31). I always used that exact line of reasoning but the issue I had was the comparison to the gospel of John –where Lazarus raising from the dead ACTUALLY causes all kinds of people to believe (John 11 verses 1; 3; 5; 11; 36). As you correctly point out, in Luke, Abraham refuses to send Lazarus from the dead, arguing that people should study the Torah and the Prophets to believe and will not be convinced even if someone from the dead visits them. In the Gospel of John, however, Lazarus’ rising from the dead causes many to believe. –John is redacting the previous story based on the character.

            . . . . . .—Oh, and I do only use God’s definition of faith. The one in Hebrews (Hebrews 11:1 —Now faith is. . . ) . . . . And I do that no matter what others are using as a definition. The issue is that, even that definition of faith, honestly applied, can “prove” all claims. . . . . There are two kinds of faith, demonstrated faith such as faith that your car will start because it always has, and blind faith such as belief in witches or goblins. . . . And as my opponents always say to me: When you really, fully understand why you don’t believe Islam, Buddhism, Sikhism, Jainism, you will know why you don’t believe in Christianity either. —But that can’t be true, I know the Quran probably better than the Bible and the Egyptian Book of the Dead (spells & rules concerning the afterlife for ancient Egyptians) even better and I don’t believe them. I love Mormons but the Book of Mormon. . . . well. . . .

            . . . Not that the Bible doesn’t have its issues. Sometimes our heavenly Father just takes it to a similar level. . . —Personal devotions the other night, on the plane –Row 14 (or 15 –can’t remember which). —Tablet open, I was in the New Testament book of Jude (New Testament Apparatus –UBS). . . The women in the seat next to me wakes up —and people are cranky/nasty on these long flights—. . . . .She looks over at my screen for a while and then says: What the hell does that say? . . . —Now, that was really rude of her, but —I thought— Lord Jesus, let’s try an experiment. . . . . I’ll explain to her HONESTLY (No Spin; No Pretend –This is ALL YOU Lord.) . . . .I’ll explain to her EXACTLY what it says and see what she says. . . . . .I had Jude 1:9 on the screen —Michael, the archangel and Satan (διαβόλῳ) are disputing over the body of Moses. . . Below is the text I had open. It’s from the oldest New Testament Greek apparatus (Papyrus 72 –It is the earliest known manuscript of that epistle (P. Oxy. 2684)) . . . This is what I had on the screen:—ὁ δὲ Μιχαὴλ ὁ ἀρχάγγελος, ὅτε τῷ διαβόλῳ διακρινόµενος διελέγετο περὶ τοῦ Μωϋσέως σώµατος, οὐκ ἐτόλµησεν κρίσινἐπενεγκεῖν βλασφηµίας, ἀλλὰ εἶπεν, Ἐπιτιµήσαι σοι κύριος. . . . . . So that is Jude 1:9 –Just let it sink in. I mean, really let it sink in. —A postmortem dispute in which Satan demands Moses’ corpse, protesting that Moses mortgaged it to him (counterparty collateral). —Now, it is a common pagan myth and I see it in scrolls that predate the Bible like the Dead Sea Scrolls (For example: Testament of Amram (4Q543, 545-548)) . . . In Jude, we see the exact same thing with just different names. —So, word-by-word with context I translate it for her —this postmortem dispute in which Satan demands Moses’ corpse, protesting that Moses mortgaged it to him.

            . . . .When I finished, she got this look on her face. . . .Then she said: THAT’S JUST CRAZY TALK. . . . I just lost it! I laughed so hard my sides hurt from laughing. –She starting laughing too. —I thought to myself, Lord Jesus, you know I love you, BUT YOU ALSO KNOW it is just crazy talk!!! . . . —And I know all the original languages, the rationalizations, —rube goldbergesk explanations. . . . So, then I asked her –Thinking, why not? —Just why not! —Lord, at this point, she already thinks this is just crazy. . . . . I said: —Have you ever asked Jesus to show you where you stand with Him, and asked for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination? . . . . crickets. . . . just –tu te rends compte crickets. . . . . And then she just burst out crying. . . Thank God she got herself under control quickly because I was worried the flight attendant would think I had done something. . . . . . .So, she told me ALL her story –and it took over two hours and I appreciated hearing it but it was one rough story. . . . Gave her heart to the Lord at age 11 but went on to run wild —an abortion–, two failed marriages, et. al. . . . . As she is telling me all this, I am thinking. . . . Lord, . . . .I guess You could have put a Blanquette de Veau recipe in the Bible and it would have been a blessing –-s-o-m-e-h-o-w. . . . -After maybe 1hr. 45 min., she asked me if I would pray with her. And I did. . . –And yeah, it was embarrassing because she started crying again —Straight-UP honest, I was totally embarrassed. . . .Jesus is going to deny me for sure. . . Mark 8:38: If anyone is ashamed of me and my words . . .But L—Lord some of your words are just crazy talk. . . . . How can we/I NOT be embarrassed by them Lord? . . . . . . . Anyway, she had many, many –serious– prayer concerns –like all of us. . .

            . . . . So, April, how do you stay grounded?
            1) Do you limit the time/level of questioning you will give a topic/issue? (probably smart)
            2) Do you refuse to read certain papers/books, even if they are just academic/ archaeology research? (probably even smarter)
            3) Do you have a ratio of faith affirming vs. faith disaffirming content that you adhere to? (probably smartest)

            . . . The crazy thing is that back when I was doing a MINIMUM of Fifty (50) hours of Bible study each week, I started just deconstructing the entire New Testament —NOT even intending to. It happens because you get so much of God’s Word in your head that you inadvertently collate (Seriously COLLATE) the passages. . .AND IT got W-A-Y OUT-OF-HAND and it felt like the Lord r-e-a-l-l-y got sick (totally sick) of hearing my constant questions. I would fall asleep asking Him questions. –Not good. —I’ll tell you this, if wives got stories this divergent from their men THEY WOULD THINK THEY WERE LYING TO THEM: . . . .Lord, what is UP with the fact that Luke (who wrote Luke & Acts) has the ascension occur on Easter evening in Luke 24 but forty days later in Acts chapter 1. —Wow, Lord, that shows about as clearly as one could ask that Luke was NOT EVEN trying to keep the facts straight and didn’t expect us (the readers) to think so. –Lord, anyone who can change the story this much is just not interested in getting the facts straight! . . . . . . .And Lord Jesus, what day did you die on and what time of day? Did you die on the day before the Passover meal was eaten, as John explicitly says, or did You die after it was eaten, as Mark explicitly says? Did You die at noon, as in John, or at 9 a.m., as in Mark? Lord did you carry your cross the entire way yourself or did Simon of Cyrene carry it?. . . .Lord what did they see in the tomb? Did they see a man, did they see two men, or did they see an angel? —-As everyone knows, it depends which Gospel you read. What were the women told to tell the disciples? Were the disciples supposed to stay in Jerusalem and see Jesus there or were they to go to Galilee and see Jesus there? Did the women tell anyone or not? ——It depends which Gospel you read. Did the disciples never leave Jerusalem or did they immediately leave Jerusalem and go to Galilee? —–All of these depend on which gospel you read. . . . .Then I started mashing/jamming all the accounts together to get NOBODY’S account but this mashed together/make-it-all-fit gospel was again, nobody’s gospel. . . . In those days, I’d go to class and other Ph.D. students had not been idle, they had found contradictions/issues I hadn’t even dreamed of/uncovered yet.

            —To this day, -I’ll be out in a church talking to a group of people and they will just glibly say –But God. . . . or –But Jesus. . . . —Like it is a trump card. . . . I always wonder to myself, how do they do that without creating massive cognitive dissonance??? . . . .BUT, surprisingly, saying that even makes me feel better. BUT if I used that at a conference or New Testament seminar, I would be laughed off the stage. Don’t we need serious reasons for things? And it doesn’t seem to even matter how absolutely S-E-R-I-O-U-S the issue is —BUT GOD or BUT JESUS just fixes it??? —No questions asked??? . . . . It feels almost intellectually dishonest to me and yet that simple line is, —–again, heart-warming, somehow (—I hope it is not just my own gullibility). . . .

            . . . So, I got the courage to ask my accountability group, Dr. Eileen ________(So I don’t violate confidences), Professor of Early Christian History + Dr. Susan ________(So I don’t violate confidences), Advanced PhD seminar in New Testament Greek + Dr. Margaret ________(So I don’t violate confidences), Systematic Theology, about Jude. . . . You know what they told me: When we get to heaven (–If all of us even do, they said), WE WILL with a 99% probability find out that the entire book of Jude is NOT supposed to be in the Bible, period. –And that story has a 99.99999% probability of being a pagan myth, for sure. . . . HOWEVER, we have plenty of clear passages about who is going to be sent to hell to suffer forever and who will be tortured in hell for all eternity. The Bible will always be full of things you cannot understand and even things that shouldn’t be in the text. Live according to those you know should be. The terms of Jesus are ALL or NOTHING (–And we can give you kilometers of textual support for that). To take up the cross and follow Christ means (If you are His) YOU ARE NOT coming back. If you are His, you are owned —Crazy unsupportable passages and ALL. If you are His, you are Christ-surrendered; Christ-transformed. The right way is strait, narrow and very unpopular. The wrong way is wide, broad and popular, but it leads to spiritual death. . . .Our job is to let NO ONE go there UNWARNED and UNPRAYED for. . . . . If Bible “knowledge” could change the world, we would’ve changed it long ago. Your goal is God Himself– not joy, not peace, not even blessing, but God! . . . .Christ is a substitute for everything, but nothing is a substitute for HIM. . . . . Okay, so. . . . .that was humbling and I had no retort for that. . . . So, I gave my heart to Jesus because He set me free from sin. . . That’s just how He frees us when we really let Him in. . . So I welcome all the changes that his Holiness (—-AND textual contradictions/ textual variants/ interpolations/ redactions/ textual alterations/ additions/ unverified authors/ subjectively canonized books/ factual mistakes spanning even basic facts of cosmology, germ theory, biology and even morality—) arranges. . . because my heart belongs to Him. . . . . . –And thank you, April for giving so much of yourself to the Lord. It is incredibly encouraging and inspiring to see that even though it is in the outlands of cyberspace.

          14. Jeff,

            I love the story about how God used you to share with the woman on the plane! HA!!! That is awesome! 🙂 And I love what your accountability group said. Way to keep things in perspective!

            I am able to keep grounded in several ways.
            1. I don’t really enter into academia at all.
            2. I read my Bible and pray and ask God to speak to me through it. I don’t have the knowledge you do about all of the inconsistencies, so I haven’t really had to grapple with a lot of those issues much. I have a simple faith in the Bible as it is. Maybe I need to look more into some of these issues. I thank you for bringing them to my attention. 🙂
            3. I work as a pharmacist 12-21 hours/week, have two children, keep my home, have a husband, and have the privilege and responsibility of a rather large online ministry – so – I am doing a lot of living things out and don’t have 50 hours per week to spend in controversial subjects.
            4. I don’t have a lot of time for reading these days. I did read E. M. Bounds 5 books about prayer this year and Watchman Nee’s The Normal Christian Life. Loved those books! I have just finished writing my first book, too! So I don’t read much faith disaffirming content. My focus is to love God, love people, stay in His Word, and minister to those to whom He has called me to minister. I keep my focus rather narrow – primarily teaching women about being godly wives and preparing to be godly wives – and practical.

            Much love to you in Christ, my brother!

          15. . . . .Well, April, what you are doing seems extremely effective and very healthy. I don’t recommend intense study of God’s word in the original languages. –It is not faith affirming (–I don’t know why that is but I have lots of friends who would never say that in public tell me that in private. . . .In fact, Christian origins and the extant manuscripts, the original languages are the most potent force for agnosticism ever conceived. –Again, I don’t know why that is.) —Nor is being a student of the arguments/ paradigms of 2nd/ 3rd generation atheists (who I have an enormous burden for) faith affirming. —But, at least, I know why that is not faith affirming. That is obvious.

            Can’t wait to purchase your book and read it and I’ll get my professor friends to do the same. Some will complain if it is not in French but everybody reads English. Obviously, we don’t write English as well. I’m sure you will tell us the name of your book soon. . . . .One professor friend I have, he has literally hundreds of books on marriage. And he says he has actually read them all. His contention was always that not resolving conflict well did the most damage in marriage.

            . . . And that’s a great question. . . What is the most effective model for conflict resolution???. . . . . It seems like the problem for most couples is the SPEED at which the interactions take place. . . . .I would say the most effective model I have seen is 1) Time-Out –Put the conflict in a state of suspended animation so seriously harmful words don’t get spoken. 2) Get your hearts open by individually examining them before God/Jesus. 3) Re-engage but take turns: Listening, Understanding, Validating, Empathizing? . . . Now, that sounds good but couples tell me (especially Irish folks) they don’t seem to have the patience/planning to make it happen. They go too far before the time out. They don’t re-engage over the issues, et. al. . . . .Does a more effective model exist?

            . . . And now, because you retaught me the power of this, I’ll pray. . . . Father, Your ways are obviously NOT our ways –nor is your logic our logic. We cannot make anything for your Kingdom happen without Your intervention, without Your help in the day to day moments. Lord, we are so swayed by this culture, having bought too many lies, we can’t even see it. We are blind. Help us Lord to know what to do, help us get to know You such that we can obey Your Word. Help us obey Your commands. . . . Lord help me to build others up, even foul-mouthed, atheist Christ-Haters, instead of being selfish. Lord may their darkness be broken into by the inescapable Light from You. . . . And Lord I am available. I will go when You say go. I will stop if You say no. Lord without my whole life at your feet, I will be empty. So use me as You will in all I say/do. . . .Lord help me to not be ashamed of your Word. Lord, could it be that the issues with your Word are really just a recognition of the absence of You in our/my heart/s. Lord, I trust Your power will be revealed. Lord please help us do all these things in Your strength. . . . Lord, help us to have an addiction of a different kind: singleness of heart, an undistracted mind –for You. In the name of the Father, the Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, Amen. . . . And Lord let us -one day- awake forever in the likeness of You.

            . . . Finally Lord, bless April beyond belief and help her to realize she is saving peoples very lives and souls by caring about them, encouraging them and being so generous with her time.

          16. Jeff,

            That is really sad about studying God’s Word intensely in the original languages – but I can understand why it could be not very faith affirming. I praise God for giving you a burden for these precious people for whom Christ died. I pray for God’s power, wisdom, and for His love to flow through you like Niagra Falls to reach them for His kingdom!

            My book will most likely be called “The Peaceful Wife.” I hope to have more in the future, as well, God-willing, of course! It will hopefully be out later this year. I will let everyone know in a post when I have details. 🙂

            I love your model for conflict resolution. One thing I DIDN’T do earlier in our marriage was give Greg time. I tried to demand answers and discussion right away. I had no idea he needed time to process and think. I have some posts about that! “Why Space Can Be a Gift.” And I have a Youtube Video “Why Men Sometimes Need Space.” My channel is “April Cassidy.”

            I also love the plan to get right before God before attempting to address the issue. LOVE that! I have posts about that, too: “Confronting Our Husbands about Their Sin.”

            I also have posts about conflict – you can search my home page for “conflict.”

            Amen, Amen! I love your prayer and join in praying this with you. 🙂 Thank you SO MUCH for praying with me! THAT IS THE BEST GIFT EVER!

          17. April,
            . . . Just excellent, . . . .I enjoyed reading those links you sent me, “Why Space Can Be a Gift” “Confronting Our Husbands about Their Sin” and what I found under “Conflict” et. al. . . . .What you wrote about your mistakes with Greg, leads me to conclude that I too have many mental processes that are like a women’s (ha, ha, ha, ha —I had three sisters growing up and we were close. –I’ll blame it on that.). . . . I never demanded answers or discussion right away from my wife BUT it took me a while to understand, when my precious wife was alive, that she needed time to process. Processing is what I call “riding the train.” I used to think, WOW, what is going on here??? She is a Doctor, a Surgeon and has two law degrees. She could be half-way through a problem before I even had the fact pattern. Why does she need processing time? . . .But, now, I am convinced that you can get any/all combinations of these male/female traits –all kinds of mixes. . . . I got dialed in quickly after a year, Philippians chapter two-style*****, where it says we’re to consider others as even more valuable than we consider ourselves. —With my wife that was a cake-walk because she just was. . . . .

            *****April and Nina both use that word “style” on the end of concepts ( –I don’t know who got it from whom but obviously we could put a high probability on the fact that they know each other and have influenced each other). —When you read the Bible in the original languages (not English) —like tens of thousands of hours-style, —like right from the papyrus fragments-style, –like totally immersed in it-style, all those connections explode at you. Scholars have been all over those manuscripts for the last 275 years, assiduously pouring over them.

            . . . Last night, I was reading 2nd Corinthians through Chapter 9, harmony and reconciliation, whereas, abruptly, in Chapter 10, in the Greek, radical mood change to personal misunderstanding and bitterness. . . . That clearly shows we have two letters instead of one- one conciliatory and gratified, the other injured and incensed. What did these two letters look like before being joined together? What did the scribe who joined them do to fuse them together? I could enumerate a ten volume set from other books of the New Testament, and all of them would indicate that the body of each of these books has manifold signs of multi-authors and multi-redactors. Especially the Gospel of John (at least three –maybe more, RE: the “I am” sayings in John.). . . You really see it in the Greek: the abrupt style changes; drops; redactions; alterations. The ending of Mark is forged. Peter didn’t write 2nd Peter. . . .

            . . . . Okay, okay . . . that’s more than enough of that. . . .Good thing PeacefulWife.com is a SAFE, JUDGEMENT-FREE ZONE. . . .A palm tree garden oasis of γνῶσις –spiritual knowledge and insight. . . . So, yeah, it is “sad” but if we make April sad, we have one less person to cheer us up –not good! . . . . So, we are taking the Bible at face value MINUS all verifiable facts (> 75% probability).

            . . . . . Anyway, . . . ANYWAY, getting back I started using questions with my wife like: “Do you think I understand you?” “How do you feel about this?” “What do you feel about that?” “What do you need me to hear that I am NOT hearing? (–And Lord Jesus, I’m asking you that too!!!) “What do you need here?” —Feelings & needs. Then I’d repeat back what she said for the express purpose of understanding her. —I didn’t use the exact words that she gave me. I’d change the words so that she knew I understood her. The beauty of repeating it back is that it increased my own understanding. . . . .Then we would simply switch and she did the exact same thing for me. The solutions after we both understood each other, both validated each other, both honored each other —those solutions were just like miracles. When you feel safe and validated to share your feelings, then you feel safe and validated to share your needs. . . That’s really where issues get solved and many of them are so easy to solve, especially if we don’t turn everything into a LOVE TEST requiring mind reading.

            —-I feel so bad for people with rotten marriages. This stuff is just not that hard. Come on Christians, its simple stuff: . . . . I need you to put your arm around me at church. . . . . I need you to hold my hand when we are out shopping, not walk ahead of me like you don’t even know me. (—-As a women at my church recently complained about her own husband. I encouraged her to respectfully/lovingly just tell him that.). . . . I need you to say “Thank You” more often and be specific about what I do that you appreciate. . . . . . Sure, you always get exceptions. That’s why you can’t assume things. . . . I remember my wife saying: I need you to say you are proud of me, NOT, “I love you” (—–Wow, I thought. Ha, ha, ha, You would think any women who is a doctor/ lawyer would know how so proud of them you are and want to know that you loved them. —-But again, you can’t assume anything.) That’s why you can’t run this off of stereotypes. The cool thing is that everyone only has to figure out one person —their spouse. . . . .Write down the top five reasons you fell in love with/ married your spouse –start there.

            . . . . Finally, just a note on the actual TOPIC of this BLOG Post: Porn. –I’m writing this for those coming to this BLOG Post to think about porn issues —-because I really took us all over the map with my previous posts (—And women get a reputation for being all over the place!!!). . . . . Yesterday, Strasbourg. . . . I was getting lectured by a young, women who said she could use Christian people’s porn use to disprove most Christian people’s belief in God. Her basic argument is below. . . . Epistemically, it is partially flawed BUT a REAL warning to anyone scaring and disfiguring their heart and creating scared and disfigured chemical pathways in their minds by using porn. Here is her argument (–And she was fired up about it, or had been drinking a lot of coffee, which in France is always over brewed and made with mediocre beans.)

            First her questions:
            1) Do you think a person’s recurring actions reflect their beliefs? (Studies show that people will not touch a stove top where the element is red, even if informed that it is just painted red or looks that way from lighting—because of their ingrained REAL beliefs.)
            2) Do you believe God is the most important REAL entity in your life?
            3) Is God all seeing and all knowing?
            4) Do you really believe that you should put God before all others? 5) Do you really believe that your relationship with God is paramount to your well-being???

            . . . .So, her argument is that Christian people fail with porn because they DON’T believe God/Jesus is REAL, period. They simply don’t believe it. She asserts it is easy to test for this too. She says parents are REAL. How many times have you looked at porn while masturbating in front of them? —In plain view, with them looking on? NEVER, EVER, E-V-E-R because they are REAL (Like Really, Really, Really REAL) and you believe they are REAL. You know they are real and want them to view you in a certain way because they are very important to you. . . . . . How many times have you used PORN/ masturbated right in front of your “REAL” GOD/JESUS? –Never, if you believe GOD/JESUS IS REALLY, REALLY REAL. Again, have you ever viewed porn while masturbating right in front of your parents? Again, —Why Not??? Your parents would most likely forgive you too. —It doesn’t happen because they are REAL and you want a certain image in front of them. The same and more could be said of God IF you really believed He was REAL. How could you do this if you know God sees and know God is Real? Do you care more about your parents than God? Could that be because your parents are actually REAL??? You can say GOD is REAL but the proof is in what you DO. What you DO is what you believe, NOT what you say. Res ipsa loquitur! (—the thing speaks for itself —She liked to use lots of Latin phrases.). . . . Notice how you keep your image perfect in front of what you treasure: your parent’s image of you. Obviously, if you are using porn, you care nothing about your image before God and do not believe He sees you or is even there. . .

            . . She went on to say: Most men in churches fall over and over again into lust and many the use of porn, therefore, MOST men in churches don’t believe God/Jesus is even REAL. Not really, really, really (like your parents) REAL. The recidivism rate is just too high. What you think + What you feel –vs.– What you KNOW (your Parents) to be REAL.

            . . . .–Again, anyone falling into that needs to take the warning. They really, really don’t believe in God or Jesus. . . .But then she really got going: . . . . .Your God was and is an illusion. There is NOT any shred of evidence besides what is common with all religions: Feelings in your Heart. . . . . . Moreover, the world of the New Testament is a fictional construct. Impossible things are imagined to happen routinely. It is a world dominated by spirits, where demons cause disease, an unbelievably superstitious time: Literacy rate < 1%; Educational system for the public: None; Access to public information: None; Average life-span 41 years; Subsistence level living for most. Nobody investigated claims in any meaningful way back then. . . .

            (—During these types of tirades—- the trick is to NOT burst out laughing, because she was dead serious. —I just made careful notes and dismantled all that point-by-point. That’s just straight forward stuff. She failed to even talk about the Bible’s source documents —The extant manuscripts –That’s where the real issues are, the source docs.)

            . . .She went on: You are LYING TO YOURSELF, and that puts you in danger. . . . . .(—I’m in Danger???). . . Christians are hearing voices (—I’ve never, ever heard voices). . . God speaking to you in your head isn't proof of a relationship with a supreme being. Evil isn't caused by a Devil or demon but rather mental problems. Of course there is love and mercy between most creatures. God shouldn't need us to accept him before he reveals himself otherwise there is no point in the reveal, we already accepted him. And if Jesus loves me so much ask him to give me some proof of the afterlife. The fact that people didn’t have enough sense to ask for that in antiquity is precisely what puts us in realms of uncertainty about such things as whether Jesus existed or how Christianity began, something you’d think God would anticipate and fix right from the start. —That’s just one more evidence that Christianity had no God behind it. The Christian idea of God has constantly changed to suit our cultural and historical circumstances. . . . Ultimately you are just left getting into theology and resorting to using the Bible to try to prove the Bible. It’s circular reasoning because NO independent evidence outside of the Bible exists. To hold the position that Jesus definitely and irrefutably existed one has to presuppose entirely too much (–That’s nonsense on her part, nearly ever valid scholar believes Jesus existed.) Anyone looking objectively at the lack of evidence that should be there has to come to the conclusion that Jesus was possibly a completely mythical figure and was no more the son of god than Hercules or Perseus. . . . The TRUTH demolishes all the apologetic walls built around Jesus by those like you anxious to preserve the "uniqueness" of Christianity. If we are honest/real, we say things like: God does not work in mysterious ways. God works in ways that are indistinguishable from his non-existence.

            (. . . . I dismantled all that point-by-point; –She still failed to talk about the Bible’s source documents –How sweet is that! . . . . . I kept thinking: Somebody this contentious is really searching for Jesus.)

            . . .She went on: You keep on claiming there's evidence. All we get is old primitive hearsay, anecdotes, childish conclusions, and special pleading. So it seems it boils down to the perception of evidence. I need facts and substantiated facts at that and you only require an assertion. I just want truth. Is there any evidence for a historical Jesus apart from a modern consensus which has more to do with family religion loyalty? Why do so many people swallow the doctrines of Christianity? Do they not care if it is true? . . . . .The claim does not matter. What matters is the evidence for the claim. What is your evidence? What is your evidence!?

            (. . . Again, all that I dismantled point-by-point —Straight forward stuff. —Still no questions on the extant manuscripts. . . .)

            . . .And when she walked away, she said she would call me to discuss more. What??? —That means that maybe she didn’t really believe all that she enunciated so loudly. . . . That’s a person not far from the Kingdom of Heaven, someone furious with Jesus, yet passionately asking questions like that.

            . . . . But, again, her argument regarding porn needs to be taken to heart and should scare the users of porn who claim to believe in God. That should make them realize that they really don’t believe God is real. If her data on how many men in churches fall over and over into the use of porn is true, well, then maybe MOST men in churches don’t believe God/Jesus is even REAL. Not really, really, really (like your parents) REAL. . . . Either Christ has changed your heart/ motives/ desires or is He just a behavioral overlay of words on the same old life.

            . . . Some wish to live near a mega church. I wish to run a rescue mission within a meter of hell. –I pray to God I just don’t fall in myself.

          18. Jeff,

            I’m glad the posts were a blessing to you. 🙂 And thank you so much for sharing about the way you and your wife handled conflict. That was beautiful!

            What a powerful argument against Christians using pornography – or sinning at all in any way, really!

            Praying for God’s Spirit, His power, His wisdom, His resources, His will, His glory, and His opportunities for you, my precious brother in Christ! You are a blessing.

          19. . . . You never run out of encouraging things to say, do you? –That’s so cool!!! –Obviously, you are drawing from the well that will never run dry (John 4:13-14). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You know what I just realized??? You (you) are the reason Christianity is true. In spite of what we do or do not have of manuscript evidence and we can’t see God/ Jesus with our eyes, et. al. —But you are a living epistle, 2 Corinthians 3:2. You are demonstrable/ physical evidence. . . .You listened to God’s voice when he called your name, you listened and you’ll never be the same, John 3:8.

            . . . I think people instinctively know how lonely all that ψευδής pseudo-“intimacy”, however they are getting it (looking at porn/ reading porn, et.al.) really is. . . . . But as I always tell young people: . . . . Even if you have walked ten thousand steps away, it’s only one step back: Psalm 34:16-18, Romans 10:9-13 to the unchanging consuming fire: Genesis 15:2, Matthew 5:6, Hebrews 12:29, Psalms 40:2 that can burn up all that ψευδής. . . .Lord, help us all to have a serious addiction of a different kind: singleness of heart, an undistracted mind –for You Lord.

            . . . . We need to pray for Christians too. They (as you know) can seriously lose their way. Consider what a pastor, whose church I spoke at, wrote to me last week (—and this guy is NOT in some total backwater, although they are in what pilots call “fly-over” country.)

            Jeff,
            “. . . . . Stuff about his church and ministry. . . . . . more stuff about his church and ministry. . . . . . . Loads of stuff he disagrees with me on. . . .Then► To disobey a husband is to disobey God. Being a godly woman means letting the man get the credit and deliberately choosing to always let the man win. Every human problem is caused when that which is inferior and subordinate refuses to submit to that which is stronger and superior. Females must be obedient all their lives. The best thing Christian parents can do for their daughters is to teach them to obey immediately, without question, and without argument. The family is a theocracy, where the father’s word is law. The husband has unlimited authority from God, and a wise wife will never appear to know more than her husband and will demonstrate true femininity by being dependent. Women are more prone to error due to their emotionality. Thus, that is the one reason God commanded her not to usurp authority over the man, so she can be protected from false doctrine. . . . . . .On and on and on it went. . . . . “

            . . . . My first reaction when I read that was: . . . Adonai! . . . I wonder if any people in his pastoral “care” are being abused. . . . . A mighty fortress is his mentality!

            . . . . To me, a wife’s role is not to capitulate but to love well, help and think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think, and think some more. We can’t have enough erudite, thoughtful women. . . . Just like we can’t have enough people completely surrendered to Christ. There should be almost no times in a healthy marriage that a couple is at such loggerheads that the husband takes responsibility for the final decision and his wife submits to him (yields to his leadership). It is joint decision making, shared parenting, and shared domestic duties. Male leadership and a husband’s authority in marriage is not primarily about power over but about the responsibility to serve his wife. I believe the New Testament does assign some unique authority to the husband, and the wife does have a responsibility to willingly respond to her husband’s leadership. Again, in healthy marriages in which husbands love and serve their wives sacrificially, wives respect their husbands, and both husband and wife seek the Lord on all decisions, there will be very few instances in which a couple comes to an impasse. Headship doesn’t mean ultimate power or special privileges. If a husband and wife can’t agree the husband should not press ahead and make a decision his wife is opposed to.

            . . .I bet there were/ are very few, if any, Aprils raised in that church environment. You can’t crush people’s spirits/ make a loser out of your wife and children and then somehow “win.” You win together or you fail together.

            And April, again, thank you for taking the time to bless me with your kind words.

          20. Jeff,

            Nope. I don’t run out as long as I stay plugged into God’s Word and His Spirit. And YES!!!! EXACTLY!!!!! People’s lives being completely transformed and their character and nature being changed is evidence for Christianity being true. 🙂 WOOHOO!

            I’m so thankful God is so very close to each of us – if we will but turn to Him! Yes, the church is very sick today – I am praying for a Great Awakening among God’s people by a massive movement of His Spirit that we might see our sin and the lies we have embraced, repent, and turn fully to Him.

            I have an amazing post by a minister I greatly respect at the top of my home page called “Spiritual Authority” where he talks about all God-given authority and biblical principles for those in spiritual authority over others – government officials, managers/supervisors at work, parents, and husbands. I think he explains things so clearly and so well. I have run into husbands who claim absolute authority over their wives. I do not believe that is Scriptural at all! These husbands even say that wives must submit when their husbands ask them to sin or to condone clear sin. No! If we have to choose, we must choose to obey God rather than men! God has ultimate authority over all people. And God is the ultimate authority in marriage (I Corinthians 11:3). God grants authority to a husband over his wife but it is not a totalitarian dictatorship. The husband is also fully submitted to the authority of Christ. He answers to God for his actions. He does not have total authority any more than a boss, a parent, or a government has total authority over people. All of those people with God-given authority positions answer to God.

            I don’t see where God labels women as inferior and men as superior. Galatians 3:28 takes care of that in my mind! And Genesis 2 – man and woman were both created in the image of God.

            Thank you for sharing your ideas on the wife’s role. That is what our minister said, authority is about responsibility, accountability, selflessness, and Christlikeness. He also said that any man who honors God will respond to having a position of authority with great humility, not with arrogance or an attempt to “lord his power over” his wife.

            You are most welcome.

  6. “that these are people, made in the image of God, that they are not to be used and discarded like trash.”

    I probably haven’t seen TOO much out there that’s written to minister to sex addictions, but when I have, a few passages come to my mind that I can scarcely see used.

    Proverbs 6:26
    For on account of a harlot a man is brought to a piece of bread, and the adulteress stalks and snares [as with a hook] the precious life [of a man].

    I think, good grief, why aren’t we preaching THIS message of Scripture? When I think of porn/prostitution (basically the same thing), it reduces the USER to an object! Because the prostitute has no real love for his/her customer and only sees the customer as money.

    1 Corinthians 6:15
    Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never!

    Again I see a message of the sacredness of the body of one using the prostitute being defiled.

    My contention is that a big problem for men is that this message falls flat because we’re ALREADY accustomed to being “reduced to a piece of bread,” or performance objects. And women are treated like the “prize” of hard work, kind of like how Jacob worked for 14 years for a woman who was basically bartered to him.

  7. I love this! This is indeed empowering! I’m a wife to a recovering porn addict who’s under the GreatnessAhead program and he’s been battling with pornograpny since 2005. He’s porn-free since September and I’m very positive that we’d get through this. I’m still hurting from the devastation and don’t know when I’ll be completely healed but I will move forward. Thank you for your inspiring words.

  8. On the subject of porn. I have a solution. It is good it works and it is for those who WANT TO stop porn use.
    The web site “your brain on porn” is a non Christian site. It has some additional great points. In some cases, men just need a little cognitive push to stop viewing the stuff.
    I will give free advice. It is short as a paragraph in length. It helps, but mind you, if a man wants “God to stop him,” my advice will not work. The points I make are good, simple and can start today. Win back your brain and your time. or just visit the web site for other great ideas and support. My ideas are not magic. Just logical.

    email: mrolaf8@gmail.com

  9. Some inspiration for you who are hurting and seem not to be receiving answers for your prayers from God.
    There are some prerequisites to answered prayer:
    1. A relationship with Jesus Christ.

    Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. (John 17:3)

    2. Faith that God can and will answer your prayer.

    And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)

    3. Obedience to God’s Word and what He has clearly revealed for you to do.

    Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. 24Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.(John 14:23-24)

    4. Repentance of all known sin.

    If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened (Psalm 66:18)

    Sometimes, there is a delay in God’s answers to our prayer. These are times of testing our faith to prove and refine it. E. M. Bounds (a minister in the Southern USA after the Civil War in the 1800s) describes the importance of delay in his book Prayer and Faith (from The Complete Works of E. M. Bounds on Prayer):

    “Faith does not grow disheartened because prayer is not immediately honored. It takes God at His Word, and lets Him take what time He chooses in fulfilling His purposes, and in carrying on His work. There is bound to be much delay and long days of waiting for true faith, but faith accepts the conditions. It knows there will be delays in answering prayer, and regards such delays as times of testing. During that time it is privileged to show its mettle, and the unyielding stuff that it is made of…
    (description of the importance of Jesus’ delay in going to Lazarus when he was sick)…
    Jesus’ delay was in the interests of a greater good.
    Fear not, O tempted and tried believer, Jesus will come, if patience is exercised and faith holds fast. His delay will serve to make His coming the more richly blessed. Pray on. Wait on. You cannot fail. If Christ delays, wait for Him. In His own good time, He will come, and will not tarry.
    How much patience is required when these times of testing come! Yet faith gathers strength by waiting and praying. Patience has its perfect work in the school of delay. In some instances, delay is the most essential part of the prayer. God has to do many things before He can give the final answer- things that are essential to the lasting good of the one who is requesting favor at His hands.”

  10. So, 5 years ago (4 years into our marriage), I discovered my husband was viewing porn online, talking with people on the phone, FB, text, placing “hookup”ads on Craigslist, visiting adult bookstores, etc… This same issue is why I ended my 1st marriage. This time I want to forgive and really address my own sins. Thus, my question… I know how important a good sexual relationship is to men. I have forgiven my husband but I can’t get rid of the nagging feeling (the voice of our enemy or God?) that my husband is still involved in these things on some level. I am not angry, anymore, but I have no desire for sex as I did before. Do I need to initiate sex with my husband or is it enough that I am receptive to him initiating? How can I tell if I’m being naive or “sticking my head in the sand” because I don’t want to bring this up with him in conversation? I long to share my heart and thoughts with him and have real intimacy but I don’t want to fight and I certainly don’t want to wrongly accuse him and damage our fragile relationship. I am so torn! On bad days, it all just washes over me like a black tidal wave. I want so much more for him and for me and for my children’s’ future marriages.

    1. Brooke,

      Y’all have been through a lot. Have you been receiving godly counsel to help you heal and work through and process things?

      How is your walk with Christ?

      How is his walk with Christ?

      When is the last time you have talked about any of this important stuff with your husband?

      Is he willing to be transparent with you now so that you can move forward and rebuild trust? I think that would be a necessary step.

      I am praying for you both!

  11. I am very Saddened 🙁 My husband used to be but is no longer adventerous in bed. I have pretty much just tried to live with it but i just told him i want to spend time alone next weekend when we stay in a hotel with our friends, and want to go home first to be there alone… i was trying to be flirty and all that and i started feeling so rejected. He was saying he wanted to spend that time with our friends, or that we can just sneak into the shower when they go to sleep??? (that shows me it is just a quick fix for him, he seems to have little desire to truly please me) I do not think this is an idol in my heart as i have prayed about it, tried new things, also accepted it and tried to live with it and trusted God through it. But i feel like it’s time to confront my husband. I didnt speak much after he acted that way .. and he could tell something was wrong but instead of asking me and trying to be there for me to fix it he just gave me the cold shoulder and was mad that i was mad.. I have said things here and there but not really opened up to him about how im feeling. I read a marriage blog today about being transparent with your spouse and i feel like i have been lying to him and myself by not being open about my feelings and my needs. I know my husband used to be addicted to porn. He no longer is addicted. He seeked help but has slid now and then. It breaks my heart but he opens up to me about it when he does fail. I am trying to help him through it but i am starting to think maybe thats why he is the way he is, like the porn use has ruined him. like he doesn’t know how or want to truly please me.. if i try to bring up that that is the reason he is not fufilling my needs in this area but he will deny it and always gets deffensive if i am the slightest bit disrespectful if i am, he shuts down completely which is so hard because i am very strong willed woman and can come across disrespectful to him even if i am not trying to be.

    I have been having terrible sinful thoughts about turning elsewhere for my needs to be met, God forgive me and i supose i need to confess this to my husband when i tell him how i am feeling. I do not want to hurt him but i am hurting myself by just accepting this. I also am scared of what he will say, like maybe i am not meeting his needs… that would just crush me, i know he is not the only one to blame because of the porn use and feeling he doesnt desire me it makes me insecure in bed sometimes…. when really all i want to do is please my husband and meet his needs to the fullest, i love him so much but we need help in this are 🙁

    1. Please Help,

      My precious girl, how is your walk with Christ going? He is the only one who can empower us to walk in victory over sinful thoughts – and He has provided the means for victory already through His work on the cross! THANKFULLY!

      I think it sounds like you may need to talk with your husband. This is a sensitive area. So, I would not want to come across as negative, critical, condemning, or disrespectful of his sexuality or drive or performance. But, you can respectfully, briefly share your desires and needs and then give him some time to process them. It is going to be really critical to be able to do this respectfully in ways that matter to him.

      I think it is wise to spend a lot of time searching your own heart first and praying for God’s wisdom before approaching him. I have many posts about ways to respect our husbands that may be helpful.

      This post about Sexual Rejection may be helpful.

      This post about approaching a husband about impotence may be helpful.

      It is totally fine to share your desires and needs. I think it is also important to share about the temptations you are facing – but it is very important to do it in a way that does not emasculate or demean your husband. Then he can choose to respond positively to what you shared and choose to be the hero, rather than feeling like he has been thrown under the bus. There are very few areas where men are more sensitive than this one.

      Praying for wisdom for you!

  12. april,

    thank you. i have been taking your advice and looking into my own heart and i believe God has revieled some sin in my life i need to look at. sin that has probably hurt my husband that i need to repent of.. also things i am aware of about my husbands past that i think is haunting me, they are things he is unaware that i know about ( from snooping ) he has never been unfaithful to me while we have been married. but before he met me he had a sinful sexual past, a lot more so than me… i realized this could be keeping me from truly enjoying my husband because im holding onto things and they are things i cant/havent even talked to him about

    1. please help,

      There is much power in addressing your own sin and asking God to cleanse you and to transform you to be more and more like Christ.

      I’m so sorry to hear about things from before you were married with your husband. That would be a shock to discover later. I believe people need to know everything that happened sexually with a potential spouse before marriage before they commit to marriage. That is important information.

      Is he a believer in Christ at this point? If so, when did he come to Christ?

      Do you believe you need to talk with him about his sins?

      Is it possible that good could come from a conversation like that?

      Is it possible that something destructive could come from it?

      Are you willing to forgive him for these sins whether you talk with him or not? Is that something you are willing to ask God to help you do through the power of Christ in you?

      Please check out Matthew 6:14-15

      For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

      I pray that God might give you wisdom about what to do, whether to confront him or not, and what to say. And, I pray that per Matthew 7:1-5, you might first spend a great deal of time asking God to help you see your own sin before you attempt to address your husband’s past sin.

      Much love to you!

  13. i think it would be a destructive convo. he would be embarassed and mad that i snooped. but it would free me from a lot of things. we have both been believers all our life! I am willing to forgive him but how do i do this without speaking to him?
    I did try to talk to him about his sexual past before we were married and he lied. because what i found out was something different than what he told me..

    1. please help,

      I am so sorry that your husband was not forthright with you. I believe all men and women owe it to their future spouse to be transparent about their sexual history. It is so very painful to find out things later, and it erodes trust – obviously.

      Did he repent of his sin, then? Apparently, he has turned from it, from what you are describing. He has been faithful and has been a godly husband for years now, I am guessing?

      Thankfully, God gives us the power to forgive others even if they don’t repent. We are commanded to forgive whether or not the other person repents and apologizes.

      It has been my experience that many times people lie when they are afraid that they will be rejected if they tell the truth. Lying is sin. It is destructive and hurtful. And it grieves God’s heart. But – sometimes it may be helpful for us as we are faced with a husband’s lies to realize that they were probably afraid what would happen if they told us the truth. Doesn’t excuse the sin. The lie is still wrong. And the sexual promiscuity and fornication is still wrong. God’s design is for us to be virgins – men and women- until marriage. And that we are to only have sex with our spouse. Period.

      Today, the vast majority of people, even those who claim Christ, are not living in sexual purity. We are paying a huge price for our sin. Interestingly, Scripture says that believers are not to associate with those who call themselves brothers in Christ but who are actually greedy, drunkards, idolators, swindlers, or sexually immoral. (I Corinthians 5:11) If we are content to live in such sin and have no prick of conscience – there has to be a question of whether we truly ever knew Christ as Lord.

      So, what your husband did was wrong. The sex before marriage with others was wrong. The lying was wrong.

      You say that your husband is a disciple of Christ. Is Jesus’ blood able to cover that if your husband belongs to Christ? Can Jesus’ blood wash your husband’s sin away in the sight of God so that God just sees the holiness and righteousness of Jesus when He looks at your husband – His beloved son?

      And, is Jesus’ blood sufficient to cover his sin against you?

      Has your husband ever had to forgive you of any sin?

      I invite you to read some posts by searching my home page for these terms:

      – bitterness
      – fear
      – husband idol
      – forgiveness
      – When my spouse is wrong

      Much love to you! Let’s continue this conversation. 🙂

  14. i do need to check out each of those posts.. because i feel i struggle with each
    I did get a chance to talk to my husband briefly on my lunch. I was very respectful.
    He ended up getting upset with me. he said he hasnt had a wife for 2 days because i havent been talking to him and he asked if everything was okay and i said yes and he said that was lying. and now that i want to talk about things he is supposed to be fine. i told him how the hotel thing made me feel and he said that was just a miscommunication and instead of letting it get to me i should have respectfully brought it up. then i told him maybe i need to see a professional to talk about the things i struggle with and he thought that was crazy because he said i should just pray and God will help me… but i feel i need someone totalk to since i cant talk to him about things because he either gets mad or says i shouldnt feel the way i do.
    he also said my petition is always against him. he said i need to ask god to change me because i am always finding fault in him. but he should take what i say and maybe see he needs to change sometimes too?

  15. does he have to repent and ask forgiveness of me for things he did before our marriage? Should we seek a marriage councelor?

    1. please help,

      Should he repent about the things he did before marriage? Yes. Should he be honest with you? Yes.

      But – here is the really important thing.

      You control you.

      You don’t get to control him.

      Until you really understand this one thing – it is all going to be a big mess.

      Another thing you may want to search on my home page is the word “control.”

      Here is a really good post that may be helpful – Control and Boundaries

      I vote to start reading these posts, seeking God on your own and reading your Bible daily and asking God to show you any sin in your life right now.

      Let’s see in about a week what God has shown you. If your husband doesn’t want to involve a counselor – let’s hold off on that for now. 🙂

      If you are not doing well, don’t say you are. Say, “I’m feeling upset.” Of course, if you found these things out by snooping on him, you are probably going to hurt the trust in your marriage by telling him that you snooped. The question you need to ask yourself and God is not whether your husband needs to repent for what he did before marriage. But whether you need to repent for things you have done – before and after the marriage – and whether you need to repent for snooping.

      The book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn might really help you understand your husband a lot better. A lot of the miscommunication between husbands and wives is largely because we don’t understand how very differently the other person thinks and feels. Men and women are SO different! But we expect each other to think the same way we do and then easily assume they have evil motives if they don’t act just like we do. Most of the time, our spouses don’t have evil motives. Often, we just don’t understand their perspective.

      I would also encourage you to read the posts at the top of my home page about disrespect and respect. That may be a bit overwhelming at first, but it may give you some insights into ways your husband may have been feeling sinned against.

      Much love!

  16. I know I am not supposed to reject my husband. But what about a case like this.. My husband struggles with looking at inappropriate things. I do have access to see what he looks at. When I see that he has JUST looked at another woman online and then comes in to try and be intimate with me, I say no. Why should it be ok for him to be aroused by another woman and then come to me, when I am here the whole time. It is not fair.. So I say no. Is this wrong of me? Is my thinking wrong here?

    Yes my husband is a Christian.
    He still struggles with this sin..

    1. Learning Wife,

      Have you talked with your husband about how this makes you feel very disrespected? That you want to be available to him, but that it hurts when he does this? That you want to support him and be on his team, but you aren’t sure how to do that in this situation?

      What does he say?

  17. Yes I told him those exact words he said he tried to be thinking of me by asking me to do something… I said why should I do that when you are letting yourself get aroused by someone else and he started to get mad at me and then his parents came to the door and we never finished the conversation.. Things have been a little weird between us since and he hasn’t said sorry

    1. Learning Wife,

      I am glad that he realized he was being tempted and wanted to turn to you instead. But I can also understand how disrespectful this would feel to you.

      Have y’all talked since then?

  18. Hi April please could I continue our chat here. I will copy and paste what we already started.

    Dear April please advice me. My husband and I haven’t had sex in almost a year. I have been very sad about it, he has said he’s not in the mood when I asked him about it. I suspect he is using porn – I have seen a link on our tablet but he hides his Internet history so I don’t have concrete evidence. We have a 14 month old daughter. He says he has been stressed. Things have been tough financially for a long while . Since we have been married I have had 2 major psychotic episodes but I thank God that I am stabilised and on medication. I had also taken 2 years off medical school. I really want to return but my university is far away and my husband doesn’t want to move there. He says we can’t afford it. I would be able to live with my mum who lives there and have financial help from my parents who want me to complete medical school. I have been a stay at home mum for about a year and a half and I haven’t been satisfied. I have a low paid part time job but we can’t always afford for my transport money for work so I’ve mostly been at home. I’ve been bored at home. We have been behind on our rent for a long while now. Do you think I can share all this with my best friend, she isnt married yet, or with my younger sister, or with a mutual married friend of ours who is close to the family? Out of those three ladies are my issues too personal to share? I really want to talk to somebody, I am 24 years old. Please help

    Like

    REPLY
    Peacefulwife
    January 23, 2016 at 7:27 pm #
    D,

    Goodness, things are very stressful right now! What does your husband say he needs right now? Can you ask him how you can most support him?

    There are plenty of ways to be fulfilled even if you can’t go to medical school. Being home does not have to mean being bored or wasting your life. 🙂

    How is your walk with Christ going? What do you believe God wants to do in your life and marriage and family during this trial?

    Where do you believe your worth as a person and woman comes from?

    What can you do to help financially – as far as cutting spending, for example?

    Please check out http://www.xxxchurch.org for reaources for wives whose husbands are involved in porn. You may also search my home page for “porn” for some posts that may be helpful.

    If you need counseling, I would suggest talking here or going to Focus on the Family’s site – they offer a counseling service for free.

    Do you have a godly wife mentor you trust that is not from your family whom you could pray with and who could walk beside you on this road?

    Much love to you!

  19. Dear April,

    I haven’t asked him that as it may seem strange for me to ask such.

    Please can you give me tips on how to feel fulfilled staying at home, and on how to let go of my dream to be a doctor which I have had for a long while now. The tips would be great for my mental health.

    My walk with Christ is going well, I feel I am a more mature Christian than when I first got married about 2 years ago. I’m trying to keep Christ on my mind all the time instead of thinking useless thoughts. I belive God wants to show that He is a great provider. Perhaps God will show me how to connect with my husband through other ways than sex, perhaps not having sex for a while might help us not to think of each other as sex objects but as real people needing love.

    I belive my worth is in being a daughter of Christ.

    I am searching for jobs and considering starting a business. I do try to cut on spending. I haven’t had much to spend on my appearance like getting my hair done or new clothes for a long while, which has made me feel down.

    Thank you so much for your posts and links, I have read some before but I will re-read. Thank you for talking through things with me. The free service might help greatly.

    I don’t really have a godly mentor who I can trust not to share the information.

    Lots of love

  20. Dear April,

    Please can you give me tips on how to feel fulfilled staying at home, and on how to let go of my dream to be a doctor which I have had for a long while now. The tips would be great for my mental health.

    1. D,

      Please check out Philippians 4. And search my home page for:
      – discontentment
      – contentment
      – hold things loosely
      – waiting becomes sweet

      I believe these posts will bless you. Also, and I may have shared this before, but Life Ready Woman by Shaunti Feldhahn may be very helpful.

      Ask God what His will is. If He wants you to be a doctor, He can make a way in His timing. If He a
      Has something better for you, receive that with joy, too. 🙂

      Where you finding your worth? Do you believe your worth comes from a career? Do you have just as much worth in God’s sight being a mom at home as you would being a doctor? Ask God to show you a career or ministry where He desires to use you to make an impact on His kingdom. Keeping in mind that ministry to your husband and children are the highest human ministries.:)

      Let me know if you need to talk some more after reading these posts. 🙂

      Much love!

  21. Dear April,

    Ive read the posts you suggested and ive read life ready. I do believe there is great worth in having a career, I’ve been so dissatisfied at home. I’ve felt so alone, I havent learnt to drive so I haven’t been out much. I know it doesn’t matter to God what I am in terms of career, but in my own eyes it does matter.how do i keep myself occupied?please can you advise me on the sex side of things. I’ve felt so let down by my husband, I need help on how to approach him without being turned down.

    1. D,

      It DOES matter to God what you do as a career – I believe He has a calling for each of us about what He desires to do with our lives. 🙂

      When Jesus is on the throne and we are seeking Him above all else and we are overflowing with His Spirit we have contentment, purpose, joy, fulfillment, and passion. When we have Christ, we have everything that really matters. There can be times when God gets us to Himself and uses that time to refine and prune us. Ask God things like:

      What do You desire me to learn in the time?
      – I bring my loneliness to You, Lord. Teach me Your ways. Help me to grow to become the woman You desire me to be.
      – I don’t like this waiting, but I want to be still before You until You show me I need to move. I will wait on You and trust You.
      – Please heal my husband and our marriage for Your glory. Show me how to be the wife You want me to be even though I am feeling so alone.
      – Please bring godly friends into my life if it is Your will.
      – Show me Your desire for my career. I lay my dreams before You. I trust You with them.

      Have you talked with your husband about that you miss having sex with him and that you want this area to be healed in the marriage? What happens if you attempt to initiate? Can you calmly, gently, respectfully ask him if there is anything he would like to talk about, and let him know you want to be his biggest supporter, and if he is struggling with something like a porn addiction, you would like to work on it with him together as a team?

      Much love to you!

  22. Dear April,

    Thanks for your reply. I will be praying to God with those types of questions you suggested .
    My husband works about 3-4 days in the week, on his work days he gets up very early so I think it best not to initiate on work nights. When my husband knows he has a day off work the next day he usually plays video games until very late at night before coming to bed.Then I feel discouraged to initiate or ask because I think he plays until he feels exhausted as he falls straight asleep so I wonder if he has any energy left. I will say I miss being intimate and see where the conversation leads. I really appreciate you April and I say prayers for you. Your blog has been a source of strength to me for a while now.

    1. D,

      Praying for God’s wisdom and healing for you and your marriage, my dear sister. Husbands tend to respond to positive things, rather than negativity. So, when you speak with him, perhaps you may want to be friendly, upbeat, and rather brief? Something to consider, “Honey, I can’t wait to be in your arms again!” or “I really love our times of intimacy together, you are the most amazing man.” Or “I’d love to spend some time together this week and maybe give you a massage.”

  23. Thank you so much for this empowering post and Spirit-driven prayer! I wish I had the words to describe how much this has blessed me. May you continue to join God is ministering to His people.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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