Whew! What a wild ride life has been recently.
Just want to let you know a few things about my life lately:
- I’ve been able to work extra the past few weeks. So, instead of my usual 3-12 hours/week in the pharmacy, I have been working 21 hours/week the past 3 weeks or so. That has cut in to my blogging time quite a lot. I have definitely been having a much harder time keeping up as my working hours have increased recently. It is a blessing to our budget that I have had extra hours. Greg is so appreciative that I have been able to work a bit more. I will now be working 12 hours every week minimum and picking up extra days as they come, as well. There are usually more vacation shifts to cover in the summer.
- Last Saturday, one of my grandmothers (both are still living, one is 92 and one is 94 and they have both been in relatively good health) was rushed to the hospital and put in ICU (apparently the step down unit). She had gotten a sore throat 2 days before and then was so weak she couldn’t get out of bed during the night Saturday night to go to the restroom. The doctors found she had pneumonia. My mom has been with her non-stop. She is only about 25 minutes away from me.
- We have had two sick children the past two weeks. My grandmother who was in the hospital is very nervous about germs because whenever she gets sick, she ends up in the hospital, which I totally understand. I wanted so much to go visit her and I couldn’t because my children were sick and she preferred that I not come. I believe she is ready to go whenever the time comes to leave this life, but I would really love to be able to see her again and say goodbye. She seems to be getting better now and may be going to rehab for awhile. But it was tough emotionally for me to not be able to go sit with her and be with her because I wanted to be there with her more than anything.
- There has been a little boy on our daughter’s bus (she is in 1st grade, so is he) who has been putting his hands down little girls’ panties on the bus. Then there was some pretty significant bullying and racism going on as well in the past few weeks. None of it was directed at our daughter yet, but I don’t want to take that chance. I have been trying to handle these things with our daughter’s teacher. But I decided to pull her from riding the bus and have been picking her up the past two weeks from school – that takes a good bit of time, but it is worth it!
- Tuesday, we had a major storm hit our neighborhood while I was home with our daughter. It was scary! Our house was ok, but there are large trees down all over the neighborhood – many on homes and cars. Greg and I walked through our neighborhood Tuesday night checking on everyone. What a stark reminder that the things of this world are not going to last. Thankfully, we are not aware of anyone being injured or killed. But – it was a good reminder for me to number my days.
- I have been spending more time with Greg and our children – and that is a very good thing.
- I have been trying to revise my book after the 1st editing process and have been hoping to have it done by the time our children are out of school next week. But that is looking increasingly impossible with all the extra hours I have been working and children home sick – I just haven’t had the time to do all that I want to do on the book.
So, this past weekend when there were 140 – 200 comments per post per day – I was completely snowed under. I tried to keep up – but I did not do a good job. I tried to facilitate a more respectful dialogue. I understand now why people had issues and concerns even though I didn’t anticipate how differently some people may read his words from how I took them. I know a bit about Thankfulhusband’s history, his marriage, his love for God, his love for his wife and maybe that gave me a different perspective on what he was saying compared to some who may not know him as well. I am glad there was a lot of discussion with Thankfulhusband. I want people to be able to ask questions and ask for clarification. But the whole situation eventually felt an awful lot like a runaway train from my perspective.
I have been completely emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained this week. So I have spent the past few days evaluating things, praying, talking with Greg, studying God’s Word. I am having to face some of my limitations.
I know many of you don’t know me in “real life.” But – y’all are each very important to me. You are on my heart and mind all the time. I love you. I pray for you. I shed tears over you. I mourn with the grief and pain you have. I rejoice with each victory you share with me. I get on my face before God about you. I don’t EVER want to do anything or allow anything to be posted that will hurt women or hurt marriages. I spent quite a bit of time this week questioning my judgment and wisdom. I had thought Thankfulhusband’s perspective would be helpful for a lot of wives and offer a perspective that I just couldn’t offer. It seems that there were many women who appreciated his perspective, but there were also many for whom his posts and wording choices and style were offensive. I don’t want to cause anyone to stumble, not even accidentally. I had hoped to try to bridge the chasm – but I was not able to do so. I appreciate that he decided to bow out in order not to cause division here. It made me sad that this was how things ended. I have shed a lot of tears this week over this situation – the discord I have brought to my blog, the misunderstandings on all sides, the lack of unity, the hurt feelings.
I HAD A LONG TALK WITH GREG
He suggested that I only have women guest writers going forward. I think that is wise. So, that is my plan at this point. My prayer is that God might send us some godly mentoring Titus 2 wives whose husbands have very different personalities from my husband. I would really love to be able to offer practical ideas and suggestions for wives to prayerfully consider who are married to husbands with stronger personalities and stronger leadership bents because I don’t have experience with being married to a man with a different personality.
I think I am going to need to cut down a bit on the frequency of my posts, especially during the summer when my children are home. But I will post as I am able to – God willing, of course!
I want to apologize that I wasn’t able to moderate the discussion more effectively and that I didn’t anticipate the responses Thankfulhusband would receive ahead of time. I also want to apologize because some of the things that other women heard were definitely not at all my intention in allowing him to share here. I regret that I didn’t figure that out beforehand. I pray that God might give me more wisdom and better discernment as I make decisions about what to post and what to share here.
I also apologize that I just cannot keep up with all of the comments. I will try to do my best. But there are going to be times I cannot get to everyone. I do love that so many wives are willing to step in and offer prayer, encouragement, godly wisdom, support and suggestions to hurting wives. It is a blessing to me that there is such a wonderful sense of community here. I love seeing all the comments and discussion and seeing how y’all build one another up and bless each other. That brings such joy to my heart. I also love hearing what God is doing in each of your lives.
WHAT THANKFULHUSBAND IS UP TO
Thankfulhusband wrote a comment on the post from Tuesday and shared a bit more and announced that he and his wife are starting their own blog – sounds like a great idea to me! Some of you may want to check that out if you are interested in hearing more of his thoughts at www.amanhiswifethebible.wordpress.com. But that decision is entirely up to each of you! Enter at your own risk, ladies. I am not going to try to moderate anything over there. And I don’t control content there, either. I have no idea what will be said or how it will be said. I pray that all of us will always weigh anything any human, including myself, says against the Bible and not just accept things that people say without carefully testing it.
I love that we have deep discussions here. I know we talk about some extremely difficult topics. I realize we won’t always agree. I also know that in a written forum like this, it is very easy for there to be misunderstandings because we don’t have any non-verbal queues so it can be much more difficult to anticipate how people might take what we say and for people to interpret one another accurately. I don’t really know a way around that on a blog. I love that we sharpen one another here. I want to thank you for all the support, love, encouragement and comments the past few days. I am also thankful for the disagreements and the chance to see things through other people’s eyes and perspectives and broaden my understanding of how others think. My goals here are to exalt Christ, to point women to Him, to bless marriages and families, to love my sisters (and brothers) with God’s love and to share His truth that is able to set us free. How I pray that Jesus will become greater and greater here and I will become less and less. I long for this to be a place where we can discuss things in a spirit of love, unity and respect for one another and most of all for Christ. I am in desperate need of God’s wisdom, His Spirit and His power every moment to be able to do any of this. I pray He might empower me to be faithful to Himself.