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Some Clarifications

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Ladies,

 

I am thankful we can talk about these important issues together, share our hearts, share our insights, learn together, seek God’s truth together and love God and our husbands together. I love being on this journey with each of you. I am just a woman, saved by God’s grace, who desires to become the woman God wants me to be. I want to share what I have learned and what others have learned from God, but most of all, I want to exalt Christ and His Word. I am not a marriage counselor, psychologist, pastor or therapist. I don’t have all the answers. I am not perfect. How I pray God will greatly increase and I will decrease and that He would only allow you to hear His truth from me, nothing of my own human wisdom. Apart from Christ there is no good in me whatsoever. I’m just a woman God dramatically changed and I long to see every woman experience knowing God and His healing and abundant life.

I didn’t have a mentor on my journey, and it took me 2.5 years to begin to have a clue what it meant to respect Greg and to begin to have any idea what biblical submission meant. My prayer is that God might use me to connect the dots closer for those who come behind me than they were for me. I may get you in the ballpark, but you will still have to wrestle prayerfully and seek to understand God, His Word and your husband to apply these things in your own life. I don’t have a magic formula – but I do have ideas and suggestions to prayerfully consider. They may not all apply to everyone.

I took down the posts by Thankfulhusband. He and I both agreed that there were just too many misunderstandings and too much division. My apologies to each wife who may have been upset/confused by these posts. He decided to bow out. This makes me really sad.

I am going to take a few days to pray and regroup. But first, I would like to address a few issues, hopefully for the sake of clarification:

  • God’s Word is absolute truth.
  • I am a fallible, sinful human being. Please weigh everything I  say (or any guest blogger or commenter)  against God’s Word. Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God. I John 4:1a
  • My slant is always going to be from the perspective of a wife who was controlling and disrespectful with a passive husband. That is the only experience I have. My particular slant is not helpful for everyone. I totally  understand that. My blog is not for everyone.
  • My understanding of spiritual authority is best articulated in “Spiritual Authority” by Rev. Weaver. Please see that post for the notes from our class at church.
  • I am entering new territory with the level of comments I am receiving on posts. I need a lot of wisdom – and maybe a full time secretary 🙂 – to manage and moderate all of these comments. I may not be able to respond to every single comment, and every person’s comment may not be theologically sound. I cannot be responsible for the theological soundness of 200 + comments per day.  I just don’t have that much time each day. I will do my best, but I am sure I will fail at times. So, please weigh everything anyone says against God’s Word.
  • No one answers to me for her obedience to God. We will all answer to Him alone.
  • Husbands are not “off the hook” with God just because I don’t teach husbands here. They are completely accountable for every thought, careless word and action just like we are. God requires husbands to be godly husbands and to be fully submitted to Christ, as well.

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  • No one, not even a person in a position of spiritual authority, has authority from God to sin or to demand that someone else sin!!!!
  • God’s authority is absolute. The authority of His Word is absolute. The authority of His Spirit is absolute. Humans who are in positions of God-given authority are accountable to God and are not in absolute authority equal to God. Romans 13, I Corinthians 11, the story of Nebuchadnezzar, Isaiah, Jeremiah…
  • Love, respect, leadership and submission will look a bit different in each marriage. Not all husbands feel respected by the same things. That is okay! Not all husbands lead the same way. Not all wives follow the same way.  Everyone has unique personalities. That is a good thing. I talk in generalities here because I can’t write individual emails to 1000+ people per day. And, even if I could, I don’t have God’s wisdom about what each wife should always do in every situation. That is what the Holy Spirit is for. My hope is to talk about God’s Word, biblical principles, ideas for practical application, His commands for us as women and wives and to point us to Christ and to walking in the power of His Spirit and in obedience to Him.
  • Please ALWAYS listen to the Holy Spirit over me. If you believe I am saying or endorsing something unscriptural please let me know so I can carefully and prayerfully consider your concerns.
  • Different people have different histories, cultures, paradigms, world views, perspectives, wounds and slants. We may misunderstand each other, or we may not hear each other accurately at times. Sometimes we may have to agree to disagree. I am ok with that. The only thing I don’t want to compromise is the Bible.
  • My hope is to give wives as many tools as I can to help in this journey of becoming a godly wife. I still have thousands of miles to go on this journey myself. I have not learned everything.
  • I try to often say that wives whose husbands are dealing with uncontrolled mental disorders, active addictions, infidelity, physical abuse or who have severe scars from the past or major sin issues in their marriage may not benefit from my blog. We can all benefit from God’s Word. But I don’t personally have training or experience in these issues and cannot write for women in such situations. In fact, my blog may be worse than just “not a good fit” for some women. There are some women who think they hear me say  things that I am not saying and hear me say they should “shut up, be quiet and never say anything” and just take abuse or just accept and addiction or infidelity. That is NOT what I am saying at all! Ever. But somehow, it seems that some women hear me say these things, even though I don’t. This is particularly frustrating for me because I don’t say these things. And I am not sure how to communicate this message more effectively. Women in severe situations need godly, experienced, trustworthy one on one help that I cannot offer. My blog is probably not a good resource for these precious sisters of mine.
  • I completely endorse God’s Word and a wife submitting to her husband. However, if a husband is not in his right mind or is deeply involved in serious unrepentant sin or a wife/child is in actual danger, there may be times it is not safe or wise for her to submit. I am not in any kind of position to tell wives when to submit or not to submit. Submission starts with each of us submitting fully to Christ. Then we submit to and respect our husbands out of our love, honor and reverence for Christ. God is able to speak His wisdom to us through His Spirit in each situation. Your submission to your husband and any act of obedience or disobedience in your life is between you and God. You will have to make the decision about how to obey God and honor Him and that will take great sensitivity to God’s Spirit in many difficult situations. You are welcome to refer to the notes from one of the ministers at my church about this issue in the post “Spiritual Authority.”
  • I try to share as many ideas as possible about how to respect our husbands and what speaks disrespect to husbands, not because every husband will feel respected by every idea I share, but just to try to give wives a wide range of options to choose from, especially if they don’t really know what respect is and their husbands are not able to articulate these things at this time. If your husband feels disrespected by things I talk about being respectful or if other things feel respectful to him that I haven’t mentioned, I would love to hear about it so I can add those things to the lists I have.
  • I hope to encourage wives to live wholeheartedly for God in total submission to the Lordship of Christ and in the power of His Spirit. That is my ultimate goal for each of us.
  • I don’t encourage wives to “pretend,” “lie” or be “fake.” If you have concerns about something, share your concerns with your husband – after checking your own heart and motives and after careful prayer and seeking God’s will above your own. That is part of your responsibility, to be in a role of a wise, loving, respectful, trusted advisor. I endorse wives being honest, but being honest respectfully. There is a big difference between saying, “You are the biggest idiot in the world! Your idea is so dumb!” And saying, “I have some concerns about this idea that I would like to share with you and maybe we can talk I about these things in a day or two.” It is entirely possible to communicate truth in love and with respect to our husbands without sinning against them as God empowers us.
  • I am not teaching, “Shut up, smile and have no opinions, thoughts, feelings or ideas.”  I have many posts where I talk about that going to that extreme is ungodly and unhealthy, too. I am saying, let’s repent of the sinful, destructive use of our words and let’s seek to use our words and actions to bless, encourage, benefit, build up, honor and love our husbands in a godly way.
  • I talk about not arguing or complaining because that is God’s command to all believers in Philippians 2:14-16. But that does not mean you have to agree with your husband. You will disagree at times. It is important to have healthy, respectful discussions about things you disagree about at times. Disagreements are fine. Discussions are great. We can do these things in God’s power without sinning. Your voice is important. Your perspective is critical and necessary. I want all wives to feel loved, cherished and heard.
  • There will be times when you may have to confront your husband about his sin. Matthew 7:1-5 and Matthew 18:16-18 describe how to do this. But, I Peter 3:1-6 also gives wives a very powerful way to “win our husbands” to Christ if they are disobedient to the Word. I don’t talk a lot about confronting our husbands’ sin. There are times when a wife may need to say something. There are times when it would be more destructive if she says something. What she says and how she says it are very important and will depend on her husband (and where he currently is spiritually) and on what God is prompting her to do. This requires great sensitivity to God’s Spirit and may even require much prayer and fasting on the part of  a wife. (My notes from  our minister at church on Spiritual Authority go into this issue as well.) There are times a wife may need to say, “This is wrong. It’s not ok.” You may need to say more than that. God is able to prompt our hearts – I cannot begin to know what each wife should do in every situation and I don’t want to write anything  that would confuse or hurt wives.
  • Sometimes you will feel angry or sad or afraid or upset. It’s usually ok to share that with your husband – but the key is – as much as possible – do it in a constructive way, not a blaming, destructive way. If your husband is very emotionally distant, then he may not be open to hearing about your feelings. But as he feels increasingly respected, most husbands care more and more about their wives’ feelings.
  • The Frustrating Quiet Phase is a phase. It is not forever. Most wives over correct toward too much silence at first when they are learning to stop disrespect and control, then they may over correct the other way to too much talking, then they keep correcting and correcting until they find the right balance. I don’t believe wives should have no opinions, say nothing, contribute nothing and be mindless, emotionless wallflowers! What we are not saying anymore are the sinful things – lecturing, nagging, criticizing, blaming, yelling, cussing, humiliating, berating, mocking, using biting sarcasm, verbally emasculating, verbally attacking, etc… Those things need to go because we are dead to our sinful nature if we are in Christ. Now we can use our words for good. There are countless things we can say and that we can talk about even if we get rid of sinful speech and sinful motives. I believe we are to bring all of our intelligence, gifts, talents, abilities, feelings, passion, strength and personalities to our marriage and put our strength behind our husbands. I don’t know a healthy husband who wants a doormat for a wife. God gives us a position of incredible power, influence and responsibility in our marriages and our families and I want us to use our position for His greatest glory and the good of our husbands and families.
  • There may be cultural differences that I am unaware of – so, some wives may need to adjust examples I give or the ways to show respect or what is disrespectful based on their particular culture.
  • Ultimately, we can only be godly wives if we are abiding in Christ. If you are not spending time in God’s Word and in fervent prayer, if you are not filled with His Spirit, this whole being a godly wife thing will be completely impossible.

 

107 thoughts on “Some Clarifications

  1. Thank you for your transparency & openness, April. You are doing a fantastic job, and it is much appreciated. I enjoy your blogs each day, and there is always something that I learn from your encouraging words. May you be blessed by blessing others!

  2. I hear you loud and clear, sister. 🙂

    Thank you for always pointing us to Christ. I have a feeling you would not mind it one bit if we forgot all about you, as long as we never forget His Words.

    We love you for that. 🙂 Thanks for mentoring me.

    <3
    Nikka

  3. April,
    I would like to stress the importance of HAVING CHRIST IN THE CENTER OF YOUR LIFE as being the most important factor here. Also, BEING IN GOD’s WORD YOURSELF AND BEING FERVENT IN PRAYER is very important. I do not have a passive husband but I was able to take Biblical principles from your posts and applied it to my situation. I ran into your blog because I was looking for guidance on what the Bible says about submitting to an unbelieving husband (not coming from well meaning Christian women who love me dearly and whose judgement were clouded by their love and care for me).
    One thing I have gotten from this blog is to check my motives. Do I submit to my husband because I want him to love me?? Do I submit so that he can be saved? Do I want him saved so my life would be easier? Do I want him saved so that we can be “that family” going to church together, serving in church together- all to look good? This check your motive thing has helped me in other aspects of my life as well (parenting, dealing with friends…).
    It all goes back to GOD. I haven’t perfected this peaceful wife role. Goodness, I haven’t perfected being a godly women yet either. My husband still isn’t a believer. I have a lot of kinks and BY. But I’m pressing on, with God’s Word as my GPS. And in my experience, God is faithful. He may not take me out of a situation but He will walk with me and on days where I desperately need His presence to be tangible, He shows up in some form or another reminding me HE IS WITH ME.
    ———
    FOR WIVES with husbands suffering from addiction, or those with abusive husband’s my heart goes out to you. My heart really does ache for you. I can’t pretend to even grasp the pain and anguish you may feel. I had an abusive parent as a child. On the surface we seemed like an ideal family… smart and talented kids, well to do family… but we were hurting inside. My siblings and I felt trapped. There were instances as a teenager when I would fantasize about killing myself. I attempted twice but stopped because I pictured my little sister seeing me dead (by the grace of God!!!). God has redeemed me from that past. For whatever it is worth, I am praying for you now. Whoever and wherever you may be that the Lord God will lead you to a godly, biblically sound resource. That our mighty God will show up in a way only He can and redeem you (and your children if you have children) from this ugly situation.

  4. Thanks for the reminder Sis! Hmm, anyway to make sure this post is linked to future post? Thank you for your transparency and showing forth your submission to God first. It is easy to fall into a lull to believe that someone who seems right 99.995% of the time will be ‘on point’ in every situation or have all the answers. I do run to you or your hubby’s blog rather quickly to see if you guys have any thoughts on a certain area. Thank you for pointing us to God and reminding us that we are infallible but HE alone is God and the source of our strength.
    May God continue to bless your ministries and shower you both with His wisdom,peace and love but keep you focused on Him, then your union, then everything else especially answering your bloggers questions – just kidding (well, at least MY questions LOL!).

  5. April, you continue to unapologetically stand on God’s word to be an example of humility and unity in Christ. We understand that you are quite human and that your efforts don’t diminish the work we must do for ourselves.

    Your wisdom with removal of the posts will be respected. Thank you for the transparency and caution. Regarding discernment, I’ll remember all the meat I took from them. You handled well the bones.

  6. Thank you April. Thank you for pointing us to Christ. God has used you to speak to me several times and I thank God for you and for your boldness to share what you have learned. Also congratulations on your 20th anniversary.

    God bless you!!!

  7. Like Nikka and Marie said, the core of becoming a Godly wife is the improving health of a wife’s relationship with God.

    I found April’s posts to be very helpful at clarifying what sin is and how sin affects our relationship with God and others. I had never had that explained in a way I could understand. It was like a lightbulb went off…many times.

    Thank you, April, for your clarity and always pointing us to scripture–that’s where each of us will find the definitive/specific answers we seek. We just have to be willing to spend time in His Word. ☺

    James 1:5-6
    If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

  8. Thank you for this post, April! Well said, and clearly spoken from a heart that is for God and His ways.
    It is helpful to hear from husbands now and then about the male perspective on Godly marriage, but I agree hearing so many different opinions from so many different men can be confusing. We wives need to study God’s word and rely on the Holy Spirit to personally guide us in our own marriages. He knows each of our husbands and God should always be our resource.

  9. April,
    It hurts my heart to know that you have to deal with explaining and explaining your blog, your true passion for Christ and your husband and your marriage to those that just will not understand. This was very well written. Now you can forego attempting to get people to understand individually to what Christ is teaching us and what Biblical submission REALLY is- you can simply copy the link to this post.

    I know God brought me here. I was struggling so hard to find the “real” answers. For some time I rejected any Christian based blogs or articles because I was too busy playing the “why me” card and having the “why is God punishing me” pity party. I read one post by you, and knew God called me to pursue this journey with Him.

    Thank you for your wisdom through your faith and your life experiences. Thank you for the time you have taken to touch our lives and bring us all closer to Christ. Bless you.

  10. April, thank you. Your blog has been very helpful to me. You are so right, not every blog is for every woman. Thankfully for me, yours has been so helpful in my walk with God and as a wife. I have had to unsubscribe from a couple other blogs that were confusing me and making things harder. You are so wise to continually point us to The Lord and His Word. Thank you for all of your time and efforts. It is all very much appreciated!

  11. April,
    Great post today. This clearly shows your heart for God, women and marriages. I’m sure it’s difficult sometimes to see where a particular post will go when you’ve got guest posters.

    I’m sorry if I contributed to sowing seeds of disunity here this past weekend. I did a poor job trying to communicate some of my points.

    Your pastor’s notes on godly authority are really awesome and in my opinion he has a very biblical understanding of the role husbands and wives are to have in the area of godly authority.

    Bless you for hanging in here and trying to help wives. I don’t agree with everything you post, but we do agree on the big things. 🙂
    Trixie

    1. April,

      I would echo what Trixie said. I am very sorry if anything I have said made you cry or upset you. I’m also sorry if I upset Thankfulhusband., I did not mean to offend either of you and I certainly did not mean to drive him from your blog. I don’t normally come out bull dozing like that and I should have backed myself down a bit. I am sincerely sorry to both of you. I hope you can forgive it.

      Gail

  12. You have a tough job, April. YOU’RE DOING IT VERY WELL! I have been greatly blessed and helped by the things I have read here, and the comments which people have given me.

    You are right about the possibility of cultural differences. I have observed the same.

    Thanks for all you do, and happy anniversary!

  13. We are all imperfect humans. If we were perfect, there would be no need for Grace or God in our life. You are doing a wonderful job teaching. Ministry is brutal, people are plain mean sometimes. I remember when I first got into full time ministry how defensive I was, until I realized that by doing Gods Work I would either have to take the good with the bad or be hurt by people and their actions daily! Thank you for all your insight! Have an Amazing Grace-Filled Day!

  14. I’ve never commented on this or any other blog before, but I want to tell you what a blessing an encouragement this one has been. I have been walking down a dark and destructive path in my marriage and your blog has repeatedly pointed me back to Christ and given me encouragement to press on.

    As a wife whose family is dealing with addiction, your posts are clear in the fact that you do not have experience with that (Praise the Lord!) and yet, there is still so much wisdom to be gleaned from what you write even for a situation like mine.

    Take courage from those you have encouraged. God is using you and this blog in mighty ways.

  15. Thank you, April, for standing firm. I LOVED hearing from Thankfulhusband and I also LOVE hearing from you. But nothing should stand firmer than Yahweh’s truths in our hearts. No human message can be a substitute for that. Very well said, sister. Praying you have a super day with Greg tomorrow and have no blog drama worries. Sending big hugs your way!

  16. Ms. April,

    It is my prayer for us as the women whom God has lead you to serve and minister to that we will not misdirect or thwart the things He truly intends for you to share with us. I believe God desires for this ministry to be a blessing for His glory and evidence that He is good. I stand beside you and believe your heart is pure before Him. I read something this weekend about Daniel’s faithfulness and loyalty in prayer and the angels that went to war for him in the heavenly realms. The Lord is providing and protecting for you, this ministry, for women seeking to be holy before God.

    “The Lord bless you and keep you;
    The Lord make His face shine upon you,
    And be gracious to you;
    The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
    And give you peace.” (Num. 6:24-26)

    In Him,
    KM

  17. Your blog has been so instrumental in my spiritual growth. I cannot thank you enough for the work you do here. Before I found this blog, I was convinced that the reason my marriage was falling apart and I was so miserable was because I had “married the wrong man”, the same lie that destroyed my first marriage. I never considered or saw that my heart, my attitudes, my fears, and my controlling actions were not only SIN…..but huge factors in my marriage problems. This blog has challenged me to change and it’s been soooooo very hard, but it IS happening……and healing is happening in my marriage……and I believe that my husband will be won without words (maybe that is even happening now). Please don’t let the criticisms bother you. I often find the comments on each blog to be very helpful to me…..God has used them to challenge my thinking and change my ways. In fact, the discussion around how stepping back and not putting so much pressure on your partner to “perform” intimately, whenever YOU want them to, can make them feel more respected was a HUGE eye-opener for me. I prayed about it and felt God speaking to me through that. I am sorry that others may have been hurt by that very discussion, but I wanted you to know that God used it to help me. I believe that even unpleasant things can be used to His glory and for our good. Thank you again for what you do and thank you to everyone who contributes to the conversations.

  18. Happy Anniversary, April! And thank you yet again for your ministry.

    I believe your decision to take down thankfulhusband’s posts was wise. Balance, discernment, appreciation for the complexity of such issues, and realizing that one’s own understanding of Bible truth may not be perfectly developed or applied to every situation are required before readers can respect anyone’s commentary on God’s word. When Christian wives humbly seeking to do God’s will are warned ahead of time that the majority of them will be angered by the commentator’s words, it’s a huge red flag that humility, tactfulness (the art of telling the truth without unnecessary hurt and offense), and understanding are most likely absent.

    You are an amazing example of all these qualities, as well as true humility, powerful reasons why we respect the counsel you give us from God’s word. Keep up the good work, and know that you are a powerful instrument for good in the lives of many, many women. We love and appreciate you deeply for this!

  19. April I have learned many things on your blog. It has been one important variable in a long line of variables that has helped me in my marriage and ultimately in my walk with God.
    I support what you are doing and always remember that your intentions are coming from the right place . (Love and respect)
    I liked the honest male opinion, and I’m glad I got to read it before you took it down.
    You can’t make everyone happy, you just have to be true to what is put on your heart to share.

    1. I wholeheartedly agree. I am so grateful I got the opportunity to read Thankfulhusband’s commentary; it gave me a great insight into how a lot of men think deep down, although I know it’s not all of them. You are doing a great thing April and if not for your responding to Christ’s call with this blog that snapped my heart open two weeks ago, I wouldn’t know the peace of mind I know right now! So grateful that you have learned to discern His call for you!

  20. I woke this morning, and you were immediately on my heart and I prayed for you and this ministry. Thank you for continually pointing us back to Christ. Love to you and a warm hug of encouragement this morning. xx

  21. Thank you April for your humble and genuine spirit. Rest and recharge, your ministry is having a great impact.

    It makes me sad that a man and a woman can say the same things, and yet, because a man said it, it is wrong, he’s arrogant and a jerk. I’m sad that yet again, the “church” has run off a strong man. I’m sorry, I’m just a bit saddened this morning. I think every single one of us would benefit to spend more time reading our Bible, and not being influenced by those around us, including the teachings within the church.

    1. Yep. Yep. Yep. I join you in that same sadness for the state of the church and our hearts, faithful reader.

      And I find it very ironic that we asked specifically for the opinion of a strong man and we had to erase it because it was too “strong” for us to hear. The idea that he was not humble, tactful, or understanding is way off to me. I really feel he went overboard to be all of those to us. And I am grateful for his time here.

      The statement “He will not be posting or commenting here anymore” is a bit sad and final for me, as well. I rather enjoyed his presence. (But I do assume that it was HIS idea to go.. . after all, he is an all or nothing kind of guy 🙂 )

      Oh well, this is a WOMENS blog, so here we are. So, as you said, we need to be thankful for the goodness, wisdom, humility, and openness that is here. And bless each other with a little mercy and forgiveness for our differences. . .

      Much love, sister.

  22. April, I have only ever been 100% blessed by your blog and I thank you for the time and effort you put into it! By the grace of God and much encouragement and wisdom from you, my heart and marriage have been changed drastically!! Love and prayers to you!

  23. I was distracted over the last few days and did not get to really follow the blog as much as I would have liked to, so I did not really get a chance to “get deeply” into ThankfulHusband’s posts. So of course, I am a bit clueless about what happened. But whatever it is, it has obviously made you (April) very sad and want to encourage you to try to rise above it all. Like many others – I have been blessed by your ministry. My marriage is not even restored to where it should be right now, and even in its current state your words of wisdom and advice have been a great source of healing to its brokenness.

    We don’t always have to agree on everything, and you are only human – but it’s evident that your heart is always in the right place. Don’t let the devil use his tactics to get you down. Anyone in ministry is subject to attack – that’s how the devil weaves himself in and tries to destroy the good work. Your ministry is wonderful and doing awesome things. Goodness, I have learned so much from you! If I knew then what I know now! Whew!

  24. I feel only blessed by your blog!
    And the posts of thankfulhusband were very helpful to me! I could suddenly understand so much better how much
    my husband puts into providing and into family security and why he expects what he expects from me…
    I wished so much such a blog would be available for German speaking ladies, desperately needed in my homeland.

  25. Thankfulhusband, if you are still reading here I would like to thank you for your desire to help and minister. There was a prayer you had written in the comment section that really blessed me and showed your tender love for the Lord and His people. It was very sweet.

    Praying for you and asking that today you would be encouraged in some way and be gently reminded of God’s tender mercies.

  26. I had no idea there was a controversy over this.
    April, you are doing a true work of the Lord and because of that, there will be warfare. Stand strong and fight the good fight of faith. Standing for the truth of God’s word will always bring opposition. I will intercede for you, dear sister.

  27. Hi April,

    I’ve just read the first part of what faithfulhusband wrote and I didn’t find it controversial. What I thought was interesting was how he was explaining he leads the way he does. That certainly helped me understand little bit more my husband. I desperately need more material on how be submitted to a very very dominant husband. You are really doing a great job with this blog you know and I can really give you some credits cause with a year and 1/2 in this respect journey, if our couple is better, it is because God uses you to identify what is disrespect and God helps me to change. So THANK YOU for all these hours spent on the computer. What you sow in our lives you’ll see it only in heaven but you do make a difference in the world in our lives. So keep on the good work. You’re a blessing

  28. I would imagine it is very frustrating when people repeatedly accuse you of saying things you didn’t. I don’t know how much clearer you could be about what you believe and advocate and what you do not…it is pretty much stated in every post!

    Regardless, I know I have thanked you before but I wanted to reiterate how grateful I am for you and your work. Thank you so much for all the time and effort you put into your blogs and videos. My life and marriage are so much better for reading and watching them. You even got me to crack a Bible and start praying again, which years ago, I would not have anticipated happening :). Much love and encouragement to you.

  29. I can’t say that I agree with dealing with a problem by erasing it/pretending it doesn’t exist.

    Personally, my “division” doesn’t come from disagreements or even personal attacks; it comes from many, many hours of effort being deleted to never be useful to anyone ever again.

    Good luck in the faith,
    -Julian

  30. All,
    Thank you all for the encouragement and support. 🙂

    Thankfulhusband decided himself to bow out. It was his decision to go so that he would not create division or strife. I didn’t ask him to leave.

    I forgive everyone. I am just going to spend some time in prayer about how to proceed from here.

    My apologies for the frustrating situation, Frankly. I may be able to email you your comments if you would like me to.

  31. Words can’t express the ENORMOUS BLESSING this blog has been for soooo many. I can’t imagine the tremendous EDIFYING domino effect your post have had on so many lives. I am encouraged by something you wrote a long time ago that helps me keep things in perspective. I also can’t imagine the tremendous amount of time, prayer and effort you put in your heart felt God driven responses. I pray that this blog is a blessing to you and your family as well and that any collateral damage is only to the enemies camp.

    Soli Deo Gloria

  32. April, I would really like some godly consul on a manner. I was watching some livingwaters.com videos about people’s walk with our Lord and Savior Christ and they brought up the subject of false conversions.

    Now ever since hearing about false conversions I am afraid I have or will experience this because they said there should be an immediate chance and I don’t think i have had that. I still have pride and sin and consistently find myself repenting.

    I don’t want God to cast me aside and say he doesn’t know me, I am afraid. How can I truly know I have or have not had a false conversions. It’s become one of my biggest fears.

    I have repented and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, still I sometimes doubt myself if I am truly sorry and keep repenting for things already repented and think I am still not truly converded and think I am possibly not going to Heaven. How do I know? Please help.

    Seeking to know him & confused
    Elizabeth

    1. Elizabeth,

      Great to meet you! I would love for you to check out The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee. 🙂 He explains so very clearly how we can fully submit to Christ as Lord and live in victory. We are still here on earth, there will be times all of us will stumble. But as you learn to trust what God has done for you through Christ, and you yield yourself completely to Him and allow Him to work in you, He can change you pretty dramatically. But it is not often a complete and instant change. Sometimes it is like that. Other times it is more gradual. If you are hearing God’s voice of conviction when you sin and you desire Him above everything else and desire His Word – those are good signs – a healthy spiritual appetite is a very good sign. 🙂

      1. I second that book recommendation. I’m reading it at the moment thanks to April. It’s fantastic.

        Praying for you Elizabeth.

    2. Elizabeth:

      I’m very glad to hear that you have given your life to Jesus Christ!

      We all can struggle with sin, some more than others. The important thing is that you get back up and continue with God if you do sin.

      It can get very discouraging to not be able to shake a sin loose from your life. What you should do whenever you sin is to ask God for His forgiveness, and then force yourself to accept His forgiveness.

      Prov 24:16 — a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again.

      Matthew 18:21-22 — Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

      If Jesus commanded Peter to forgive 70 X 7, don’t you think God will do the same?

      The point here is not to excuse sin, but rather to give you a way out of sin. When God keeps letting you get up to bat after striking out, sooner or later you’re going to hit the ball and score.

      God’s mercy leads you to repent; in other words, you will love Him so much for forgiving you, that you will want to avoid sin.

      Do you forgive others when they sin against you? Make sure you do that, because if you don’t, God won’t forgive you.

      Be encouraged! You aren’t the only one who struggles with sin. And yes, if you have sincerely given your life to Jesus, you are saved.

      GOD BLESS YOU!

    3. Elizabeth,

      I think I’m reading your post differently then some. When you say you “keep repenting for things already repented” I take it to mean you sinned, asked forgiveness, repented, but find yourself asking God to forgive the same event of sin that you’ve already asked forgiveness for. Like you’re not sure you’re really forgiven yet. Almost like you didn’t feel bad enough when asking for forgiveness.

      Is this what you meant?

      Blessings,
      Trixie

    4. Elizabeth – I started to write out a reply, but then I deleted it. I’ve recently watched several video from Livingwaters, and even if it’s not the same one, the message is the same. I understand what you’ve heard, and their teachings have given me great insight into the error of the teaching of the modern church (that if we come to Jesus, life will be peaceful (and interpretted ‘easy’)). That being said, my gut tells me that the best thing you can do is to spend time in your Bible. Read it, read it, read it more. Let the Holy Spirit speak to you. A challenge I have given myself (which is not easy to accomplish, but makes me very aware) is to spend equal time being influenced by the Bible (not people teaching the Bible, but the Bible directly) as I am by the world. I set aside at least 30 minutes every night to be in just the Word, not in commentaries, books, blogs, but the Word directly. Because of my challenge for equal time, it has made me very aware of how much influence I allow in from the world (ie – how much time I spend watching tv). Please don’t misunderstand that I always achieve this equal time idea, but it has brought great awareness to me of how much time I’m allowing the world to influence me compared to being influenced by God.

      I rather believe that guilt and fear can sometimes be good things. They can be employed to keep us humble and from being self-righteous, like anger, it’s what we do with them that is the problem. That being said, whenever you feel guilt or doubt creep in, reach for your Bible. For one thing, Satan doesn’t want you going to it, he’d much rather you wallow in guilt and doubt….But another reason is that it will then use those feelings and shift them to where they should be, upon the almighty, majestic, Holy God. Carry a New Testament bible with you, or download an app to your phone so you always have it. If that’s not possible, then memorize chunks of passages that you can replay in your mind when these things come up.

    5. Elizabeth, there has only been one person that was sinless and without blame, that was our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! There are exactly zero people in this world today that are perfect and without sin! I am fairly certain that there might be some people that converted for wrong reasons (ie: for a spouse, a bf or gf, or any other similar motive.) I truly believe that most do it with the correct motives, but I also believe that the act of conversion is truly between that individual and God! If you honestly, in your heart and mind, converted for the right reasons, I would not worry about “false conversion.” We ALL sin and fall short of God’s Glory, if it wasn’t for God’s Grace any thought of heaven would be useless. I do NOT believe that once save, always saved, because I personally had issues in my life and lived in sin for many years before repenting and turning my life back around. I believe that if I had perished during that time in my life I wouldn’t be going to heaven. I am trying my best to live a life that God is proud of, but being a sinful being I fall short and have to ask God for forgiveness. Sometimes it is the same old thing that I have to keep asking for forgiveness. God knows my heart and I have to leave it in his hands. I don’t think that my God would want me to be ever fearful of doing the “right” thing, mainly because worry, fear, and anxiety is a failure to trust in God! I fall short in that area many times,, but continue to ask for God’s help. God Bless and keep trying with all your might!

  33. Elizabeth…
    The doubt is the enemy.
    If you’ve accepted Jesus as Lord and have turned from sin to live for Christ, then I think you’re good. The walk with God isn’t always easy, but if you are continually repenting without the heart change, it doesn’t mean you’re not a christian. However, it does mean you have to dig in and do some Hard work and figure out why it keeps happening. April talks about many ways here on her blog. Heart transplant, digging out that sin , comparing our doubt next to scripture etc… God knows our hearts better than anyone so He knows if you’re truly making an effort to change. Cry out to Him, learn to take every thought captive and replace it with His Word, especially the ones that tell us we are saved by His grace and forgives us and helps us back up. Do a search and fill your mind with the TRUTH, not the enemy’s lies.
    This deep stuff knocked me down and opened my eyes…it can take along time to “undo” some bad habits but we aren’t meant to do it alone. He is with us.
    🙂

    1. ELizabeth,

      You may want to check out some of my posts, I would suggest searching my home page for:

      – idol
      – idolatry
      – control
      – contentment
      – discontentment
      – fear

      Those may get you started.

      Great suggestions PLM! And thank you for sharing, Godlywifetobe!

      1. Oops! Hi Sis April,

        I clicked ‘reply’ under PLM’s comment but it put it under your comment. I hope you guys had an AWESOME anniversary!!!!!

    2. AMEN!

      Hi Sis Elizabeth!

      Our enemy IS the accuser of the brethren. The mere fact that you are concerned shows God is working on you =). He wants you to come to Him as many times as necessary. If He changed things too quickly,we’d get PRIDEFUL and EXPECT IMMEDIATE answers instead of seeking a true relationship with Him. He is our true treasure.

      Here is an excerpt from “A Call to Spiritual Reformation: Priorities from Paul and His Prayers” by D. A. Carson

      “If a boy asks his father for several things, all within the father’s power to give, the father may give him one of them right away, delay giving him another, decline to give him a third, set up a condition for a fourth. The child is not assured of receiving something because he has used the right incantation: that would be magic. The father may decline to give something because he knows it is not in the child’s best interests. He may delay giving something else because he knows that so many requests from his young son are temporary and whimsical. He may also withhold something that he knows the child needs until the child asks for it in an appropriate way. But above all, the wise father is more interested in a relationship with his son than in merely giving him things. Giving him things constitutes part of that relationship but certainly not all of it. The father and son may enjoy simply going out for walks together. Often the son will talk with his father not to obtain something, or even to find out something, but simply because he likes to be with him.”

      May God continually be gloried in and thru you Sis Elizabeth

  34. I’ve been wrapped up in preparations for my daughter’s wedding this Saturday so I haven’t had a chance to read much of your blog lately. Needless to say, I’ve missed this entire controversy with Thankfulhusband and that saddens me because I always like to read a man’s viewpoint. It helps me understand the way my husband thinks. This reminds me of another controversy on another blog surrounding Mother’s Day in the church. That greatly saddened me as well that as Christians, we can’t always agree to disagree without hurt feelings and accusations being involved.

    Thank you for all you do, April. I appreciate how you won’t compromise your stance on God’s word and I wanted to say that your blog has truly blessed me. Keep on keeping on!

  35. Happy Anniversary April!!!!!!!

    I just wanted to thank you for your obedience to God for doing this blog. God has used it as a tool in his hands to bring about conviction and transformation in me. And you constantly point us back to Him and I thank God for that. Be encouraged my sister!!!!

  36. April, I spent some time this morning on your blog for single girls—what a resource! Oh, how I wish I’d been exposed to the things you share when I was young! You are such a gift to christian women. Thank you, and know you are being prayed for often.

  37. April, you have been such an encouragement to me! Especially in the area of putting Christ FIRST in my life and getting my fulfillment from Him alone. I keep you in my prayers daily. Praise the Lord for using you through your blog to bless and encourage other women.

  38. Dear April,

    You are making a tremendous impact on the Kingdom of God! Your ministry has been made effective through the power of the Most High King!

    Misunderstandings are prevalent when communication is made through comments, email, text messages. Nothing can replace body language so many times things are construed in ways that the writer never imagined. I know you know all this because you are a tremendously blessed communicator.

    I am GRATEFUL, GRATEFUL, GRATEFUL beyond measure for ThankfulHusband, his posts, his comments, his wisdom. I am married to a Mr. Steady, but love ANY insight into the male mind. Please let him know that he is appreciated and respected by so many of us. I am personally very sad that he is stepping away and his posts are gone. As women, we cannot afford to push away godly men who are brave enough to share their perspective and the truth about masculinity. It is obvious that ThankfulHusband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, at least as much as humanly possible.

    I will be praying for you and the incredible way that this blog is speaking Truth to women. We have been fooled by many lies and carry the subtle influences of the world and feminism. I have had to challenge all my thoughts and motivations to weed out what have been influenced by anything other than Holy Scripture. It is always upsetting when I discover a belief that has ingrained itself and lead me to further sin…I pray The Lord continues to convict me of my wretched sin and misery. Praise God Almighty for the Perfect Mediator’s sacrifice for my sin.

    Be encouraged: “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

    Much love to you,
    Martha

    PS. I commented on one of GraceAlone’s posts about my own journey with childlessness. I haven’t forgotten to email you the amazing story of how Christ has Redeemed and Restored in my marriage…it’s just been unusually busy homeschooling this Spring.

    1. You took the words right out of my heart, Martha.

      April, please do send our appreciation to thankfulhusband. As a wife of a leader-type husband, his insights were a greater blessing to our marriage than I can express.

  39. April,

    You are doing a wonderful job of encouraging, guiding and teaching a lot of women! While not everything that is written applies to all women, I have found that if I take a topic or a type of sin against a husband from this blog, and ask my husband about it, what you write is something he agrees with at least 95% of the time!

    Your blog is a gift, given to me right as I was preparing to get married, when I was desperately seeking guidance on disrespect and how I could “be right at being a wife”. I love that you are transparent, and appreciate that you clarify often that the ultimate judge on what is respectful from us as wives (aside from God!) are the feelings and opinions of our individual husbands. This blog has started a lot of good conversations between my husband and myself!

    I am also grateful to Thankfulhusband for writing those posts, and for commenting so frequently. I am, without a doubt, married to a Mr. Steady, but he adds so much richness to this conversation of submission. I am glad that I got to read the posts before all of the controversy led him to step back.

    And lastly, I’m grateful for the differences of opinions and questions in the comments, because you ladies add a fullness of perspective to my thoughts that I may not even begin to realize without reading these comments.

    Have a blessed day!

    Holly

  40. Happy Anniversary, April!

    Thank you for pointing us to Jesus and His Word!

    God created each of us wives to be the very best help meet for our specific man.

    Thank you for providing many tools help us, and for leading us to the One who gives us the strength to carry it out with joy!

    Hugs to you, my sister in Christ!

    Heather (HisHelper)

  41. I never comment but I had to speak up for all of us lurkers. Please ask ThankfulHusband to consider coming back. We need to hear from honest Godly men that will not hold back and that will not just tell us what we want to hear. I was so hoping to hear from each type of man. My man is a Mr. Steady and it is so hard to figure him out, it would be such a blessing to learn more about how he thinks and feels.

  42. Firstly and most importantly, Happy Anniversary Greg & April!

    I didn’t email and ask if this would be okay, but I believe it will be & I didn’t want to bug you on your anniversary so I’m going to do one last comment.

    Second, thank you to those who have said kind words. Even strong men have hearts, especially where women are concerned, and while I was at peace with what I shared it troubled me to cause anyone harm.

    So I’ve learned something about myself, at least reaffirmed it, that I really enjoy and have a heart for this christian marriage thing! So I am going to do something my wife and I have talked about for a long time, start our own blog. It will be a place where both men and women, hopefully husbands and wives together can share and learn about marriage God’s way…I’ll finally have a place where I can talk about this stuff and not get kicked off (or kick myself off in this instance here!)! We will talk about what scripture teaches, how husbands can love and lead their wives & how wives can respect and submit to their husbands. It will be practical and earthy- real. So gals will have to wear the hard hats and have thick skin as we’ll talk like guys and guys will have to tone it down because there will be women present! My bride will drop in and give her two cents as she has time and desire. As long as my beautiful wife can get the technical stuff figured out for me there will be a post up tomorrow about how to handle conflict and divisions as christians (how appropriate!) & husbands & wives. If you’d like to hear more about how a man thinks, or suggest to your husband to come over and either learn or share how to lead better or in cases like mine, learn to love better- I’d be honored. I’m excited. This weekend forced me to be in my bible more than normal and in prayer more than normal as we wrestled with these tough issues.

    But in the spirit of that, Gail, your apolagy is accepted and you are forgiven. I hope I can ask the same for upsetting you, please forgive me. Please understand, April & I believe the same things about these topics as far as we can tell. But it sounds much different coming from a man. In fact, that was the whole reason I came here. Usually when you hear this teaching from men, they are modern day pastors and they either don’t preach on it or they flower it up a bunch. But most husbands aren’t “flowery”. Even those pastor’s aren’t flowery once they get home and punch the clock. Trust me, I have sat with them and ate with them. I was once them. They really aren’t much different when they aren’t on stage than most of your husbands. So the reason some believed me tactless and not humble was because I was trying to use the language and thoughts of everyday men, who happen to also love Christ and are trying to follow Him and love their wives. My goal was to take the credit April gave me, holding me up as a loving, godly husband who loves his wife deeply and show you what men are at least thinking if not saying. We are a little blunt and rough around the edges. Not so flowery. I hope that helps you in understanding where I was coming from a little better. My intention was to never hurt you in the least. Challenge you, yes. Show you what most men think and feel and believe, yes. Teach you what I believe scripture says, yes. But never, ever hurt you or upset you. I wish you could see how I treat women in real life, it might help my cred with you…I was hoping April’s backing was enough but I understand…anyway- please forgive me and God bless you.

    Lastly, amanhiswifethebible.wordpress.com if anyone figures they can put up with me for more than a few days. Starting tomorrow. God bless and thank you for your hospitality.

    1. Thankful husband, I’m glad that you are going to start a blog of your own. I think that’s the most appropriate place to share all of your thoughts and convictions! You seem to think that your troubles arise because you are a plain speaker, but I would challenge you to consider that sometimes you don’t realize that people are actually agreeing with most of what you have to say. Your assumption that people will disagree with you causes you to read things into their comments that aren’t always there. When I read the comments on the other threads here, and when I have seen your comments on other blogs (you are a pretty distinctive personality!) that was my basic observation, for what it’s worth. I think there are more people out there than you think who believe in a marriage of submission and headship, but there marriages might look somewhat different than yours in the day to day, and when people question you or ask for clarification, they are not necessarily disagreeing. And quite frankly, just because they might not completely agree with everything you say, it does not mean that they have bought into the lies of feminism. Just some food for thought for you as you begin this new venture of yours. Best wishes to you, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    2. Yay!!! Well, it is about time. I will read and support your blog. I don’t think you need to change anything about your style of writing. Just keep seeking the Lord and His wisdom and you and your wife will make one great team.

    3. A blog by Thankful Husband and his lovely wife–This sounds like a fantastic idea! My husband and I appreciated your posts on Peacefulwife the past few days. It actually opened up productive dialogue between us about our own marriage, which hasn’t happened in a very long time, I think because he was finally hearing a fellow command man speaking his language! 🙂 We will be stopping by your new site!

    4. I’m so incredibly happy you are doing your own blog!!! I prayed for that as soon as I saw you had left! You speak exactly like my husband and that was so incredibly helpful for me because in the past I always thought my husband disrespectful, but in reality, he’s a man!!! Who knew!!! 🙂 I’m so looking forward to your direct and unflowery insight!! I’m a lot like that myself! Yay!!! Prayers answered!!!

    5. Yay for you, Thankfulhusband!!! 🙂

      Though you scared me a bit (I am easily intimidated) because of your very strong personality, I did respect what you had to say, though if there was anything I really gleaned from all your posts, it was that I am very happy that I have a Mr. Steady for a husband (No offense meant!). I think God in His Wisdom knew that somebody of my personality and temperament will bloom under the leadership of somebody who was my complete opposite. So, if only for allowing me to see what I was “missing” (I used to envy a LOT, women with more commanding husbands.), I realized that that I should be careful for what I wished for, because I just might get it! Ha!

      Though there were a LOT of disagreements in the posts this weekend (Peaceful Wife Blog did not look so peaceful back then!), I did learn so much from all the opposing views. I am saddened actually that the posts had to be put down. 🙁

      Anyway, I am looking forward to reading you. I have always felt you should have a blog of your own. And I agree 100% that this time, you will not be kicked off/kicked out from that! Ha! 😀

      Thanks, thankfulhusband. It was great knowing you more. Thanks for sharing your heart.

      P.S. I was able to read that post you did in PW last year, and it was a very heartfelt post you did there. I wish you can share more of the “really bad marriage” you had previous to Blessed Girl’s submission. Looking forward to your wife’s inputs and insights as well.

      Whoa. What a weekend! I thank God it happened. I learned so much about human interaction in that one weekend. I am sorry for those who missed it! 😉

      Romans 8:28

      28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

      <3

      Nikka

      1. Typically, I am happy to “miss out” on things which cause a lot of negative emotions; but I too am sorry I missed those posts/comments/conversations! 🙁 I think it might have been useful for me to hear varied opinions, especially since it seems as if some “deep” issues were discussed.

        However, who knows? The fact that April decided to delete everything, means it was likely more than simple exchanges of opinions, so I might have saved myself some frustrations 🙂 . Regardless, I trust that all those who were hurt/upset are doing better now….. and I look forward to the blog being the peaceful haven it has been.

        1. It was very heated, Prayinglikehannah. My heart was racing the whole time! But, I really learned so much from everybody… and I have never felt closer to April than that time. It forged our friendship.

          Maybe it was meant that you did not read it though. 🙂 But, now that TH is to start his own blog, I am sure you will be able to read about his thoughts there. 🙂

          1. Nikka: Goodness! Well, indeed maybe it was quite good for me to miss it then. I am one to have sleepless nights over disagreements, so glad I missed the negative energy. Glad you learned a lot though….. 🙂

          2. Yes, Prayinglikehannah! 🙂 It did not really get me upset but it got me seriously thinking about my own views of God, biblical submission, Christianity, Jesus, feminism… It shook me, so to speak. I brought Thankfulhusband, Gail, Trixie, Blessed Girl, Frankly, and the others in my thoughts as I went to church, to the grocery, while I was doing my chores… It was intense! I had to share it to my husband and “unload” my thoughts and feelings, because I was really affected, but not in a negative way, just in an introspective way. 🙂

            I came out of it a better person, I believe. 🙂

          3. “I brought Thankfulhusband, Gail, Trixie, Blessed Girl, Frankly, and the others in my thoughts as I went to church, to the grocery, while I was doing my chores…”

            Nikka, that is so funny!!! 🙂

            I don’t recall ever reading a post by a Blessed Girl…

            Glad you found it helpful.

          4. She is Thankfulhusband’s wife. 🙂 She replied several times in defense of TH and also to share her thoughts on being the wife of a leader-type husband. 🙂 Her comments stuck with me too. A lot of things stuck with me in those three posts, that’s why I find it sad that they were put down…

          1. Nikka,

            Well that would be another area we are in almost 100% agreement. My poor husband suffered that way too. I did a complete turn around after reading Shaunti Feldhahn’s book and visiting the forums at the Marriagebed.com to learn that sex in marriage is a gift, not a curse. I’ll read that tomorrow. I have to get my tired self into my own marriage bed. 😉

            Be blessed,
            Trixie

        1. I did not know of April’s blog last year this time…. I don’t know why I thought ThankfulHusband was fairly new to this blog….. Didn’t realize he guess-blogged last year.

      2. Nikka, you make me smile! I love your sweetly spoken honesty! And I too, am happy to have chosen and been chosen by my personally needed visionary man!

        I just love the variety of personalities God creates and matches up!

        1. Hi Julie! 🙂

          Glad my candor made you smile. 🙂

          Sometimes one finds it easy to complain that the grass is greener on the other side, when one does not know just how green your side of the fence is, if only you’d bloom where you are planted!

          Hearing from other people of different personalities and backgrounds allows us to understand and be grateful that our Heavenly Father in His goodness has already planned for us everything — including who we’ll marry, in order to conform us more to Christ. Oh, we just have to trust in His Divine Will, for us to see how carefully planned and good all His designs are! 🙂

          The Visionary Man is one I rarely come across. It would be interesting to know how one adjusts to that type of husband. 🙂 I understand April is collaborating with Ms. Carla Shellis on writing about this type of man. That is something to look forward to! 🙂 You can surely relate!

          Thanks for the comment. 🙂 God bless you and your family.

          <3

          Nikka

          1. Well, as someone who thrives on knowing what to expect, being married to a visionery man often means holding on for dear life as the adventures unfold!!! 😀 And much prayer for God’s protection over us!!

            Love you! Love your heart, Nikka!

          2. Julie,

            What an exciting ride it must be! Hold on to your seat at all times, then!!! 🙂 I don’t know if I will thrive with that much excitement. You must be an adventurous gal. 🙂

            <3

            Nikka

          3. Julie,
            Amen to holding on for dear life!!! My visionary commando just called me out of the blue asking if I wanted to go to Hawaii in August. No explanation of how, what, why… some days Are just crazy lol Never a dull moment!!!!

          4. Marinewife, oh so good to hear from you! Thank you for your reply. The ‘explanations’ are rarely important in their minds, right?! I thought I was alone in that and it was unique to my man. You blessed me! 🙂

    6. Thankfulhusband,

      I am GRATEFUL that you and your wife are starting your own blog and look forward to reading it. I have already bookmarked the site even though nothing is there right now!

      Blessings to you and your lovely wife,
      Martha

    7. Awesome! Yahweh is soo good! He has heard our heart cries and finally moved yours to start your own blog! Thank you, Father!

    8. Thank you for sharing and for your graciousness in this response. I saw some of your posts and appreciated them. I missed the controversy, so I have nothing to say about that, but I wanted to thank you because I felt your posts were helpful for me as I thought about what it means to biblically submit to my husband.

      April – I’m praying for you today, that God will give you wisdom, strength and peace. May He be made great and may all of this be used for His glory in the lives of His people. Sending a virtual hug your way!

    9. Thankful husband, I greatly enjoyed your insight here. I am not married to a Mr. Command, yet it was so enlightening to get your viewpoint which I believe was biblical based and God-glorifying. I look forward to seeing your blog. Prayers for God to use your blog to lift up His holy name!!

      April–
      Thank you for this blog! You give wonderful disclaimers and are so transparent. Thank you for all of your time and energy you spend here! It is blessing many women daily. Prayers for you!!

    10. Thanks Amy,

      Since obviously I was one of the posters that seemed to also be at odds with TH and blessedgirl, I also appreciate that.

      Thankfulhusband,

      I’m generally not the bull-dozing type. I am honest to a fault sometimes and I’m not a baker so I rarely sugar coat things. At the risk of rekindling, I’m about to be honest again.

      I wish your comment to me would have just accepted the apology and I would have accepted yours and moved on. But now I feel the need to explain myself because you went further and made an assumption that I was hurt because you didn’t flower up the language and are blunt and rough around the edges. It couldn’t be further from the reality. I don’t even trust people who are prone to flowering up their language. It feels disingenuous to me. I’ve worked my way up the corporate ladder in male dominated business areas. I cut my baby teeth on blunt and rough around the edges. 🙂

      1. I wasn’t hurt, I was angry. I rarely get angry and it takes a long, long time to get me there. It was a righteous anger but it was still anger.

      2. I didn’t apologize because I disagreed with you or even the content of what I said to you. I apologized because of the approach I used. I owed you that apology (honestly) because you felt like I did not approach you as a brother in Christ and about that you were correct. I did not and that is not OK.

      3. Of course I’m going to accept your apology and forgive you. In no way do I think you are a bad guy or a bad husband or that you personally treat women badly. Not at all. And I do realized you are a good willed person. I’ve read other things that you have written so I know this.

      Now the reason I was angry with you. It wasn’t just you but you are the only one putting credentials out there as a pastor so I expect more from you:

      You were very careful in answering the actual questions. I agree with you a lot of the time that you have been posting. In fact, I quite enjoy reading some of what you write. So, that is not what made me angry..

      You were not as careful when you were commenting. You dismissed those that disagreed with you. But you glowed in any support you got. In fact, you dismissed dissenters by using relational identity statements like: they did not know God like you do, the message was too hard to hear, they are tainted by the modern church or feminists or they don’t understand what’s in their bibles. And you weren’t the only one doing it in all fairness. But you spurred it. At that point, whether you realize it or not, it became less about Godly marriages and the topic and more about your ego (in my opinion). And I don’t think you intended that to happen but you did not stop it either.

      I wasn’t even going to get involved in the conversation until those types of statements became such a pattern that it was like watching a spiritual bullying match. Using those types of statements really curses the identities of the people you are speaking too (male or female). And they are not appropriate but Christians use them because they are easy and do not need to be quantified. And the person they are used against can’t even defend them without sounding defensive. Not to mention they are so over used in Christian-speak during disagreement that they become a nice way for Christians to insult one another. I’m sure nobody means to do it but they parrot what they hear their Christian mentors or Pastors say.

      The only one qualified to answer the questions of who we are and what our destiny or purpose is God. Since he knew us before we were conceived. We don’t get it from any person. So when Christians use those types of statements it gets to me. Before I was ever part of the conversation some of your comments to people who disagreed with you hit me in the heart like a hammer. Not in a way that was beneficial but in a way that made me angry. But I should have approached you differently and I should not have engaged while I was still angry. That is what I was sorry for.

      So hopefully you understand now. It had nothing to do with flower language. It didn’t even have to do with any disagreements about your theology. There were actually a lot of things I agreed with you on. And honestly, if the credential had not been thrown out there I may have been able to give you a complete pass on the relational identity statements and what I saw as your ego getting the best of you. We are all human.

      Don’t take offense to what I have said. Think about it. I do not believe in my heart that you would ever do anything intentional that was ill willed. There is always a chance that you just were not aware of how the comments were coming across. There were a lot of them. But know that my apology for coming at you in the way that I did and for not treating you like a brother in Christ is very sincere. It is as sincere as the rest of my feedback is. Honest and from the heart.

      Gail

    11. Thankfulhusband, I was talking yesterday with a woman that needed to hear exactly what you wrote in your posts here on Aprils blog but I couldn’t find it any more only to find out that they were deleted. I was crushed. It helped me so much! I read it with my hubby and we both loved what you shared.

      I am now so happy that you started your own blog!! I told my hubby and he immediately looked it up and followed you. Can’t wait to know you better. We (hubby and I) have a lot in common with you.

      I hope you have copied what you wrote on peacefulwifes blog onto your blog. There are women out there that need to hear, understand where their husbands are coming from, and live a godly life with their hubby the way God intends.

      Thank you for everything.

  43. April, I actually began reading your blog just a couple of days before thankful husband’s guest post. I guess that makes me feel like a fairly unbiased, innocent bystander! So, for what it’s worth, here is my opinion….

    Your blog is a definite encouragement and a much needed resource for wives who are working on building a Biblical marriage. I so appreciate that you back up your thinking with scripture, and you seem to understand that even when we’re all following the same Biblical principles, our marriages might not outwardly look just alike. You do have a gift for telling the truth in a practical and easy to understand way.

    It was good to read a man’s perspective on marriage. It was good to hear from a man with strong beliefs. I think it was even good for people to question thankful husband and ask for clarification on some of his points. I agreed with most of what thankful husband said. With that said, my marriage in the day to day appears to be very different from thankful husband’s. I think this is okay, being that I am married to an entirely different type of man who still believes in the principles of a Godly marriage!

    I’m sure that it was very difficult to decide what to do about this situation, especially when it was something that you did not expect. I think you and thankful husband made the right choice. I really felt bad for a couple of commenters who believed almost exactly like thankful husband and his wife, and yet th and wife would not let some of the small things and the semantics go. It seemed that if someone couldn’t agree with them word for word then they were branded as modern church brainwashed feminists. That wasn’t fair, and the commenters who were writing actually had some very good things to say that were worth thinking about. I don’t think that most of the comments were an attempt to silence or make a strong man back down. I think they came from women who do believe in submission and headship, and for the most part, I did not see the women commenting as trying to stir up trouble.

    I know you won’t bring the posts or comments back, but I wonder if you have some good topics for future posts within some of the discussion the posts garnered.

    Thank you for laying out your beliefs with this post. I think that helps very much. This can be such a sensitive topic, and it’s so easy for people to put their own spin on what someone is saying. This will be a good post for you to point people back to when they question you in the future.

    Thank you for letting me share my thoughts as a new reader. Sorry this got so long! Blessings to you!

    1. Amy,
      Thank you for posting this. As I was obviously one of the posters that seemed to be at odds with TH and Blessedgirl, I am glad to know that some were able to see that I really do agree with most of what TH was saying. I do believe we were talking past each other.

      Thankfulhusband and Blessedgirl,

      In case you’re still following this thread, I just want you to know that I have no hard feelings. I’m sorry that I upset you Blessedgirl. I would apologize to you TH, but you’ve already said you weren’t angry or hurt by my comments. 🙂

      Good luck with your venture in the blogsophere.

      Be blessed,
      Trixie

      1. You’re welcome, Trixie. I appreciated your comments and found myself nodding in agreement many times. I thought you see very respectful and calm in the exchanges. It was kind of hard to see you being so misunderstood!

  44. While reading some posts I’m reminded of the post April shared not too long ago about our tongues, gossip etc.

    It’s not really any of our business to know what was said in another post if we didn’t see it. It doesn’t involve us, so it’s not important. Something to think about perhaps 🙂

    This issue (I don’t know what happened) has brought hurt to people it involved, but because talk about it is continuing it’s now tarnishing the hearts and minds of us who keep seeing posts about it.

    I’ve been around the internet and forums and blogs a loooong time. If I’ve learnt anything it is to just say “sorry” and leave it at that. Sometimes you may not even need to post, maybe it’s just best to leave that community and spend some time in prayer seeing if you should respond or just leave it be.

    We all need to be prayerful over our posts and remember that online forums are hard to communicate in.

    I hope for April’s sake and the followers of this blog, this can all end now and we can all move past and get on with what God has called us to be. Loving, forgiving, graceful women (and men) who want to learn how to be even better for our spouses!!

    Love you April. So thankful for you and all you do for us. You point us to Christ. That’s most important!

    1. Thanks for the reminder, Godlywifetobe. 🙂 I needed to hear that.

      19 “Where there is much talk there will be no end to sin, but he who keeps his mouth shut does wisely.” (Proverbs 10:19 Bible in Basic English)

    2. My dear pal Godlywifetobe :):
      I think you have a good point. Thanks for increasing our awareness on that. Gossip is never a good thing under any circumstance. I do also believe though, that some of us have become like a “family” on this blog – though a virtual one. I don’t believe in re-hashing anything hurtful in the name of family business. However, I do think it is to some extent “our business” because we all share in this blog. When a post that has been very uplifting is shared, we like to share the link to it. When something causes such a stir in our group, I think it is not necessarily bad for others to share their thoughts on it – as long as doing so is not with the aim to “re-hash” things. Some people have positive thoughts about whatever caused the problem, some have negative thoughts. By discussing the general themes positively, those who were lucky enough to not be involved in the disagreements, can learn from it. We can learn about communication, we can learn about forgiveness, we can learn about respecting those with different opinions, we can learn what is acceptable or unacceptable on this blog etc. So I don’t think “every” talk can be labeled as “gossip.” However… you might be right that it is time to move on. Now I am even more glad that I did not see those posts/comments 

  45. April, I think your blog is pretty wonderful, it’s the only one I read on a regular basis and it has helped me enormously ( even though sometimes I have a love/hate relationship with it, as I don’t always take well to having the truth pointed out to me!) I suspect that a lot of other people are cottoning on to your wonderfulness and this is going to mean more of us and more differing opinions and maybe the need for some moderation help, it’s the price of having such a successful ministry !

    I missed the ” discussions” over thankful husband’s guest posts. I read one of his posts and was coming back to catch up and they are gone . For me this is sad, as he was helping with my understanding of my marriage, it would appear I am married to one of those command men, which explains a lot…….I will try and find his blog when he gets it up and running.

    I do like the fact that you don’t moderate heavily, I looked at some other marriage/women’s blogs and sometimes the comments boxes make no sense at all because so many posts have been removed. Here you have a nice group of people supporting each other and you can often learn as much from the comments as from the original article, it’s as if you or Peacefulwife Philippines start talking and everyone else joins in the conversation, I like that.

    I’ll give you a small example from last night of how much you have influenced my way of thinking, my husband made a sarcastic remark about a current news event. Instead of snapping and correcting him ( one of my challenges is self- righteousness ) I merely said ” that wasn’t very nice” and let it go, letting it go is always, always hard for me, but I did it. Later in bed I noticed my non- Christian husband reading an article about the Pope’s visit to the Holy Land, we were able to have a good discussion about it…if I had been still arguing with him, I would totally have missed that moment. These are only little things, but life is built on them, and I want to thank you for helping me to honour Christ in my marriage.

  46. Thank you all so very much for commenting, sharing your concerns and also for sharing so much encouragement, love and support. You are each precious to me. I love hearing your thoughts. Thank you for your honesty, your suggestions and ideas. I love this community of believers and am in awe of all that God has done here. I am praying for God’s victory in our midst.

    Sending each of you a big hug!

  47. To my sisters (and brothers) in Christ,

    A number of you are emailing me, which is very sweet. I appreciate the encouragement, insights, ideas and thoughts that you want to share. Thank you for letting me know that you are still hurting, for those who have shared that with me, as well. I am glad you told me!
    Right now, I am so emotionally, mentally and spiritually spent right now, that I don’t believe it will be productive for me to attempt to answer all the comments here or to answer emails. I just am not going to be able to respond to everyone.

    I am ready to put this situation behind me, personally. I apologize again for hurting any women in the way I tried to handle this situation. That was certainly never my intention – my hope was to bridge the misunderstandings. But I realize now that I was largely unsuccessful. I am sure there were other ways I could have handled this situation in a more godly way. I will certainly prayerfully consider the constructive criticism I have been given.

    I spoke with Greg about things. He has given me counsel about not having men post here as guest writers anymore, as I shared in today’s post. I believe that this will address a lot of the issues and make this a place where, hopefully, there aren’t so many misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I hope that those of you who are still hurting might be able to extend forgiveness to me.

    I’d like to move forward together now in a spirit of the love, grace, mercy and unity of Christ, please. Thanks so much for understanding!

    Much love to each of you!

  48. Please stop sending. I tried to unsubscribe but it told me to log into my WordPress account. I do not have one. Please take me off your list. Thank you. Sent from my T-Mobile Android device

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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