I Lost My Voice – by Nikka

Singing “The Greatest Love of All” in a TV show – 2005

 By my dear sister in Christ, Nikka, at www.peacefulwifephilippines.blogspot.com
I lost my voice. ūüôĀ
I have laryngitis due to a cold virus that has been going on for weeks now in our home which started with our first son, followed by our youngest daughter, then our eldest daughter, followed by our second son… I am its latest victim. ūüôĀ Dong was able to barely save himself from it with his garlic concoction.¬†(He is a huge homeopathy fan.)
I could not speak. I could not sing. I could not tutor my kids. I could not even talk to my husband without having to strain my voice. ūüôĀ
For a lack of a better word, being mute sucks. ūüôĀ
“Ito Ang Balita” – UNTV, 2012
I sang “Super Bass” – Araneta, 2012

As a broadcaster¬†(on hiatus indefinitely),¬†I was paid to use my voice. I did the news, hosted, did voice overs, sang, did career talks, etc. etc. with my voice as my “capital”.

Whenever I would get a bad cold or cough, I would absent myself for days and it would worry me no end thinking that my “golden voice” might never come back ever again! When I was down with a bad case of laryngitis, all I could do was write down instructions or simple things I wanted to say on paper, because whispering strained the inflamed vocal chords more than a serious attempt at hoarse speaking.¬†(It’s a myth that to “conserve” your voice, you must whisper. This does more harm than good.)

In this season of my life, although I am not busy with my career, it is still a bummer to not have

Mommy Nikka pregnant with 4th with our 3 kids – 2012

anything come out of my mouth when I need to discipline our hyperactive children! All I could do now is give them the “BIG EYES” and point them to their Dad. Discipline always ends with Dong though but for now with Mommy in “silent mode”, it’s just a fast-tracking of sorts. With no Mommy to scold them, they get their reprimand straight from their Dad!

A¬†BIG FEAR¬†of dominant and controlling women¬†(whom I assume are talkative too and use their ‘voice’ a lot in “leading” the marriage)¬†is¬†losing their voice¬†once they submit to their God-ordained authority,¬†their husbands.¬†Does respecting one’s husband mean a wife can no longer say what she thinks or feels? Does submitting to one’s spouse mean a wife can no longer voice out her opinions, suggestions and comments? Does relinquishing control of the marriage and of one’s husband mean a wife will also lose her say in the home? Does Biblical submission mean losing one’s voice?!?

Assuming that you are one of the “lucky” ones who have a husband with the heart of a servant-leader (selfless, caring, thoughtful),¬†submitting to your husband’s authority will not only empower him but will also empower you! Here’s what happens…
Dong and Nikka at our daughter’s school -2012
  • ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†The wife respects her husband…
  • ¬† ¬† ¬† Because he feels respected, the husband feels more love for his wife and asks her opinions on important matters…
  • ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†Because she feels loved and appreciated, the wife tells her husband what’s in her heart but leaves it to her husband to make the final decision…
  • ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†Because the husband knows his wife has full trust and confidence in him, he will decide only after careful consideration on what would be best for her and their family, and not based on selfish interests…
And the¬†energizing cycle of respect and love¬†just go on and on and on…
When LOVE and RESPECT are not given by the husband and wife respectively, conflicts are always bound to happen.
It is what is called the¬†“Crazy Cycle”¬†by¬†‘Love And Respect’¬†author¬†Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
This is his diagram:
The “Crazy Cycle”
Submissive Nikka with respected Dong- 2014

Since I started¬†“respecting”¬†and¬†“submitting”¬†to my husband Dong, not only have I experienced much¬†peace¬†and¬†joy,¬†but he too is¬†happier and more loving¬†towards me.(Minus all that negativity, I am easier to love now, I guess. ūüôā¬†We have always been¬†best friends¬†but being just that, I thought that if he was¬†notstepping up the plate, then I should. After all, that’s what¬†friendsdo, right? Cover each other’s back if and when the other falters? But¬†not so much with marriage, as I have seen for myself. More than being¬†best friends, we were¬†husband and wife. We were not just¬†friends”. We were not just¬†“friends with benefits”either. We were¬†ONE. He was my¬†better half¬†and I was his.¬†(I was more like his¬†bitter half!)

                                 Ephesians 5:31

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

Best friends eating Mega Ice Cream ūüôā – 2009

It was “okay” to cover my husband’s back if he was for some reason, debilitated to carry out his tasks. But it was¬†not okay¬†to do so when he was¬†fully able and capable. When I started being the “leader” of the home and doing all his roles — provider, decision-maker, etc. on top of my “real” roles as nurturer and mother, was when things went haywire. That was to be our most unhappy period (2009-2011) but thank God, we were¬†really super good friends. Our friendship carried us through as well as prayers for each other and prayers by our loved ones. Though separation was sometimes mentioned¬†(by him, because he felt that¬†no matter what he did, he could not make me happy), it was never a “real” option. We were in it for the long haul.

Feb 2014

When I submitted to God fully on¬†September 1, 2013¬†was when I also submitted to my God-ordained authority,¬†Dong.¬†As my husband, he was my¬†protector and leader.¬†As his wife, I was his¬†helper and follower. We are still best friends now (and till death will we be) but knowing now my rightful place in the home based on God’s Design for Marriage, our¬†very tight-knit friendship¬†has become an evenmore fulfilling relationship. With all eyes focused on Christ and in following Him,¬†this new level of intimacy and peace¬†we are experiencing is but¬†icing on the cake.¬†Just pleasing God alone is more than enough!

           Ephesians 5:22-24

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

To dominant, opinionated, perfectionistic, driven,

go-getter, Type A women out there (I was all that and much more!), I can attest that in my submitting to God first, then to my husband, I did not lose myself, my personality nor my voice.

In fact, I found my most authentic self, am now the best version of my personality every 

With our two¬†“bunsos”¬†or youngest boy and girl – Dec 2013

day¬†¬†( I am normally cheerful and sweet when not worried or depressed. God broke through that long-standing oppression by the evil one when He convicted me of my sins in Sept. 2013.),¬†and¬†I still have a voice in our home –¬†a gentle and kind one. ūüôā

And what is even¬†better¬†is that aside from¬†never having lost my voice¬†in family matters, I have now begun to again¬†hear God’s Voice. It was sooooooo hard to hear Him when I was too busy “nagging” Him before to change Dong! ūüôĀ

Now, I am filled with¬†Christ’s Peace¬†and through constant communication with Him through His Word and through silence, I am now able to drown out all noise and sounds and listen to His Voice alone.

Mr. and Mrs. Dong Alejar – 4/17/04
Biblical submission is the richest secret to a happy
and loving marriage. “Do” it dear sisters in Christ!

Going back to my laryngitis… I have been on water therapy for two days now. I have been drinking and drinking water to hydrate my throat… and my voice has improved! Yay! ¬†From not being able to speak, I am now able to be heard again but not without much effort. My voice is still nasal and quite low.¬†(I sound like a man.)¬†That is enough for me now though. I am just happy to be able to talk again! ūüôā

A hoarse¬†SHOUTOUT¬†¬†to wives who are now in the same boat as I was:¬†Biblical submission is wonderful. You have to try it to believe it. It really pays to follow God’s Design for Marriage. ūüôā

P.S.¬†Here’s a video of a jamming session I had with Minyong in Feb 2012 — “Firework” by Katy Perry. This song was apt for my¬†“fulfilled dreams year” in 2012. Now though, it’s not about “me, myself and I” anymore. That part is over. It’s all about Him now. He is the One “brighter than the moon”. He is the True Light. ūüôā

May we all be richly blessed! ūüôā


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