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I Lost My Voice – by Nikka

Singing “The Greatest Love of All” in a TV show – 2005

 By my dear sister in Christ, Nikka, at www.peacefulwifephilippines.blogspot.com
I lost my voice. 🙁
Literally.
I have laryngitis due to a cold virus that has been going on for weeks now in our home which started with our first son, followed by our youngest daughter, then our eldest daughter, followed by our second son… I am its latest victim. 🙁 Dong was able to barely save himself from it with his garlic concoction. (He is a huge homeopathy fan.)
I could not speak. I could not sing. I could not tutor my kids. I could not even talk to my husband without having to strain my voice. 🙁
For a lack of a better word, being mute sucks. 🙁
“Ito Ang Balita” – UNTV, 2012
I sang “Super Bass” – Araneta, 2012

As a broadcaster (on hiatus indefinitely), I was paid to use my voice. I did the news, hosted, did voice overs, sang, did career talks, etc. etc. with my voice as my “capital”.

Whenever I would get a bad cold or cough, I would absent myself for days and it would worry me no end thinking that my “golden voice” might never come back ever again! When I was down with a bad case of laryngitis, all I could do was write down instructions or simple things I wanted to say on paper, because whispering strained the inflamed vocal chords more than a serious attempt at hoarse speaking. (It’s a myth that to “conserve” your voice, you must whisper. This does more harm than good.)

In this season of my life, although I am not busy with my career, it is still a bummer to not have

Mommy Nikka pregnant with 4th with our 3 kids – 2012

anything come out of my mouth when I need to discipline our hyperactive children! All I could do now is give them the “BIG EYES” and point them to their Dad. Discipline always ends with Dong though but for now with Mommy in “silent mode”, it’s just a fast-tracking of sorts. With no Mommy to scold them, they get their reprimand straight from their Dad!

BIG FEAR of dominant and controlling women (whom I assume are talkative too and use their ‘voice’ a lot in “leading” the marriage) is losing their voice once they submit to their God-ordained authority, their husbands. Does respecting one’s husband mean a wife can no longer say what she thinks or feels? Does submitting to one’s spouse mean a wife can no longer voice out her opinions, suggestions and comments? Does relinquishing control of the marriage and of one’s husband mean a wife will also lose her say in the home? Does Biblical submission mean losing one’s voice?!?

OF COURSE NOT!!!
Assuming that you are one of the “lucky” ones who have a husband with the heart of a servant-leader (selfless, caring, thoughtful), submitting to your husband’s authority will not only empower him but will also empower you! Here’s what happens…
Dong and Nikka at our daughter’s school -2012
  •        The wife respects her husband…
  •       Because he feels respected, the husband feels more love for his wife and asks her opinions on important matters…
  •        Because she feels loved and appreciated, the wife tells her husband what’s in her heart but leaves it to her husband to make the final decision…
  •        Because the husband knows his wife has full trust and confidence in him, he will decide only after careful consideration on what would be best for her and their family, and not based on selfish interests…
And the energizing cycle of respect and love just go on and on and on…
When LOVE and RESPECT are not given by the husband and wife respectively, conflicts are always bound to happen.
It is what is called the “Crazy Cycle” by ‘Love And Respect’ author Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
This is his diagram:
The “Crazy Cycle”
Submissive Nikka with respected Dong- 2014

Since I started “respecting” and “submitting” to my husband Dong, not only have I experienced much peace and joy, but he too is happier and more loving towards me.(Minus all that negativity, I am easier to love now, I guess. 🙂 We have always been best friends but being just that, I thought that if he was notstepping up the plate, then I should. After all, that’s what friendsdo, right? Cover each other’s back if and when the other falters? But not so much with marriage, as I have seen for myself. More than being best friends, we were husband and wife. We were not just friends”. We were not just “friends with benefits”either. We were ONE. He was my better half and I was his. (I was more like his bitter half!)

                                 Ephesians 5:31

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

Best friends eating Mega Ice Cream 🙂 – 2009

It was “okay” to cover my husband’s back if he was for some reason, debilitated to carry out his tasks. But it was not okay to do so when he was fully able and capable. When I started being the “leader” of the home and doing all his roles — provider, decision-maker, etc. on top of my “real” roles as nurturer and mother, was when things went haywire. That was to be our most unhappy period (2009-2011) but thank God, we were really super good friends. Our friendship carried us through as well as prayers for each other and prayers by our loved ones. Though separation was sometimes mentioned (by him, because he felt that no matter what he did, he could not make me happy), it was never a “real” option. We were in it for the long haul.

Feb 2014

When I submitted to God fully on September 1, 2013 was when I also submitted to my God-ordained authority, Dong. As my husband, he was my protector and leader. As his wife, I was his helper and follower. We are still best friends now (and till death will we be) but knowing now my rightful place in the home based on God’s Design for Marriage, our very tight-knit friendship has become an evenmore fulfilling relationship. With all eyes focused on Christ and in following Him, this new level of intimacy and peace we are experiencing is but icing on the cake. Just pleasing God alone is more than enough!

           Ephesians 5:22-24

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

To dominant, opinionated, perfectionistic, driven,

go-getter, Type A women out there (I was all that and much more!), I can attest that in my submitting to God first, then to my husband, I did not lose myself, my personality nor my voice.

In fact, I found my most authentic self, am now the best version of my personality every 

With our two “bunsos” or youngest boy and girl – Dec 2013

day  ( I am normally cheerful and sweet when not worried or depressed. God broke through that long-standing oppression by the evil one when He convicted me of my sins in Sept. 2013.), and I still have a voice in our home – a gentle and kind one. 🙂

And what is even better is that aside from never having lost my voice in family matters, I have now begun to again hear God’s Voice. It was sooooooo hard to hear Him when I was too busy “nagging” Him before to change Dong! 🙁

Now, I am filled with Christ’s Peace and through constant communication with Him through His Word and through silence, I am now able to drown out all noise and sounds and listen to His Voice alone.

Mr. and Mrs. Dong Alejar – 4/17/04
Biblical submission is the richest secret to a happy
and loving marriage. “Do” it dear sisters in Christ!

Going back to my laryngitis… I have been on water therapy for two days now. I have been drinking and drinking water to hydrate my throat… and my voice has improved! Yay!  From not being able to speak, I am now able to be heard again but not without much effort. My voice is still nasal and quite low. (I sound like a man.) That is enough for me now though. I am just happy to be able to talk again! 🙂

A hoarse SHOUTOUT  to wives who are now in the same boat as I was: Biblical submission is wonderful. You have to try it to believe it. It really pays to follow God’s Design for Marriage. 🙂


P.S. Here’s a video of a jamming session I had with Minyong in Feb 2012 — “Firework” by Katy Perry. This song was apt for my “fulfilled dreams year” in 2012. Now though, it’s not about “me, myself and I” anymore. That part is over. It’s all about Him now. He is the One “brighter than the moon”. He is the True Light. 🙂


May we all be richly blessed! 🙂

 

21 thoughts on “I Lost My Voice – by Nikka

  1. My goodness! You have been one super talented girl!! Praise The Lord that He got your attention!! I can see where it would be very easy to trust in self with such an array of gifts!

    Christ wears you beautifully, Nikka :). I’m sorry for your voice, but that doesn’t stop The Savior from speaking through you! Thank you for another sweet post 🙂

    1. Hi fallenshort! 🙂 Being blessed with “super many talents” and I do not say that to boast, was a dilemma for me. I was always thinking, “These are not mine to own so I have to share them to the world!” That’s why I was always spread-too-thin. But the “best” of me was usually given outside the home, not in it. 🙁 By the time I got home, I was too already too tired to “play it up” for my family. 🙁

      I believed in the lie that ” A Career Outside the Home is More Fulfilling than “just” Being a Wife and Mother”. When the Truth was: There is no greater measure of her worth or success as a woman than the extent to which she serves as the heart of the home.

      “The Scripture is clear that a married woman’s life and ministry are to be centered in her home. This is not to suggest that it is necessarily wrong for a wife and mother to have a job outside her home — unless that job in any way competes with or diminishes her effectiveness in fulfilling her primary calling at home. Further, it is important for women to evaluate their reason(s) for working outside their home and to identify the deception behind those reasons. ” – De Moss, ‘Lies Women Believe’

      I am grateful for all the talents and even more grateful for having used them all in 2012, but at this season in my life, the joy and peace that I am experiencing is not of this world. Just sitting still before God and allowing Him to transform me daily and making me closer to Him could not be equated to all the “worldly” accolades or the adulation I experienced in the past. 🙂 Christ’s Peace is really something that the world cannot give. It’s “addictive!”

      Now, holding my thoughts captive for Him has become my “talent.” I die to self daily, minute by minute if need be. It used to be so hard!! But when God convicted me, I now find it not as hard and even somewhat “easy” sometimes, because I can now do all things through Christ who strengthens me! 🙂 This is a long reply ! Haha!

      Thanks for the compliment that “Christ wears me beautifully.” Nobody has ever told me that before. First time I have been told that. 🙂 I love it.:)

      God bless you! 🙂

      Love,
      Nikka

  2. Nikka,
    Your happiness now is palpable, and such an inspiration for others to also obey biblical principles that will make their marriages happier, too. I understand your frustration without a voice; have you ever tried to teach an entire classroom of students with only sign language and a student helper? That’s a real adventure! Much love and many thanks for your great post.

    1. Kelly,
      I’m still smiling over your post, so-to-speak. 🙂 Isn’t it amazing how God created us with the marvelous ability to adapt to change or loss, even physically? Without a voice, I was very grateful that my students knew that when I flicked the lights; it was the signal for immediate silence. It forced me to be more creative and them to pay attention to non-verbal signals and communication, which is how researchers say we really do approximately 90 percent of our communicating. Maybe this will help them later in life to do the same thing with their spouses. Here’s hoping!
      I agree that your grandparents probably knew when it was best to remain silent, and that this drew them even closer. I’m so grateful to be able to learn from the wisdom of others. Best wishes and love to you!

    2. Hi Elizabeth! 🙂

      Yes, the joy I am experiencing now on a daily basis is so beautiful. I bask in it daily. 😀 That, plus being peaceful is really such a blessing! 🙂 I used to experience bursts of this before my conviction, but I still find it hard to believe that I could actually experience it for long stretches, like I am experiencing now. 🙂 Even my PMS symptoms which used to “possess” me like crazy lunatic no longer enslave me now! Praise God! (Last crazy episode I had was last year.) It pays to know the Truth. One is able to conquer one’s feelings and emotions that the sinful flesh and the Enemy try to make you feel as “normal”. PMS? Be cranky. That’s “normal.” You do not get what you want? “Be depressed”. That’s “normal.” NORMAL for worldly people, yes. But AB-NORMAL for convicted Christians who were already given “new” selves and are already “new” creations. 🙂 GOD IS AMAZING!!! 😀

      I was a preschool teacher between 2002 to 2004. 🙂 I have not tried doing the sign language thing with them. I had not had the chance to “lose my voice” with them during that time. 🙂 That must have been a real adventure!! 🙂

      Much love to you too. 🙂
      Nikka

    3. Isn’t it wonderful that married people of old stay it out through “thick and thin”? They know something the present generation does not know or practice….

      I agree with “Silence is Golden.” Along with that, I practice “biting my tongue” when what I am about to say is not respectful or loving.

      It pays to always ask oneself, “Am what I am about to say kind? Am what I am about to say necessary?” If it is not any of the two, silence is the best option. 🙂

  3. Hi Nikka,

    Your sooo super talented…. And for someone like you, I can understand how hard it can be to be really submissive…

    Infact, in my case my husband is a super talented musician pianist, violinists, vocalist, and choir conductor and I felt that was making me feel insecure and inferior and I used to repel and I had a competitive attitude in the beginning of my marriage, which later led to a lot of negativity.. I thought he was proud and selfish but when God convicted me he showed how selfish and proud I was…. It was really hard for me to believe

    And I definitely agree its easier for me submit and there is so much peace….

  4. Terrific post, I SO agree with you! Also, hope you recover soon. Take it easy! I used to be a singer too before health issues took me out of the game entirely, and laryngitis is no fun. (Once I had bronchitis and pneumonia at the same time—how is that even possible?!)

    1. Hi Jen!

      A fellow singer!!! 🙂 Bronchitis and pneumonia? Wow, that was bad!! I agree, no fun at all! 🙁

      My voice is a whole lot better now although I am still not forcing it by not singing in the car. I usually sing my praise songs while driving the kids to school. 🙂 I just sing in my thoughts.

      Thanks for enjoying the post. Hope other wives in the same boat as we were, will jump at the chance to experience true joy and peace in marriage through Biblical submission. Proof that we still all have voices are all the comments in all the posts of Peacefulwife April. 🙂 We are a NOISY bunch! Haha.

      God bless you Jen. 🙂

      Love,
      NIkka

  5. Hi Vin! 🙂

    I have been trying to post my reply to your comment but WordPress keeps on saying ‘error’. I wonder what is wrong with it. 😛 I copy pasted it in Word so I can repost it. Let’s see if it will….

    Hmmm…

  6. Hi Vin!

    It is easy to “envy” others who seem to have been blessed by God with so many talents. But He does as He wills, and to the one who was given much, much is also expected. That is why it was hard for me to realize that it was I who had to SUBMIT. Since I was the one given so many skills, I was “busy” using all of them for everybody, and it was so hard to just sit still and stay put. 😛

    My husband was very gracious through it all.

  7. Being able to know what my real identity is (not the multi-hyphenated persona I pride myself in usually) but as a Child of God, through Christ, has given me much peace and joy. If only every single wife on earth can experience this, it would be heaven on earth! 🙂

    Much love Vin,

    NIkka

    1. Nikka,
      Amen! Amen!

      I love seeing all the discussion!!!!!!! 🙂 Thank you all for encouraging, loving, praying for and supporting each other! What a fabulous group of godly women!!!!

        1. Just finished reading about your tattoo article. Very interesting stuff, Vin! 🙂

          I myself will never tattoo myself but it really pays to check one’s heart if by NOT “marking” ourselves we are really of Christ or are just well… not tattooed but are not God’s children either. 😛

          Here is a wonderful excerpt from a blog I chanced upon http://theocentric.com. It talked about being SIDETRACKED : THREE DETOURS THAT SIDELINE CHRIST.

          I will put his third “detour” which I think further explains what we are talking about, or if not, I still want to share it. 🙂

          3rd detour that sidelines Christ: Asceticism

          “If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the universe, why do you live as if you still belonged to the world? Why do you submit to regulations, ‘Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch’? All these regulations refer to things that perish with use; they are simply human commands and teachings. These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-imposed piety, humility, and severe treatment of the body, but they are of no value in checking self-indulgence.” (Colossians 2:20-23)

          Asceticism is the reduction of religion to what we don’t do. It is spirituality through negation. It defines who is “in” and “out” based on a checklist of prohibited behaviors. This makes it easy to exclude others. By putting a list of “don’ts” at the center rather than Christ, one can pass judgment on anyone who fails to conform to the list. And there is no end to the list Christians can create:

          At one time or another saints forbade or strongly discouraged (in alphabetical order), bands, baseball, boating, bowling, [card playing,] circuses, fireworks, football, loitering, parades, skating, valentines, and zoos. They also denounced amusement parks, beach parties, big dinners, chatting on the telephone, Christmas trees, crossword puzzles, home movies, ice cream socials, kissing bees, scenic railroad trips, and visiting relatives and going on automobile joyrides on Sundays.[10]

          The problem with ascetism is that it fails to deal with what really matters. Transformation is more than abstaining from certain external behaviors. Transformation must come from within. A rock can keep the commands, “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch,” but it has no life.
          This detour is a great temptation because it appears so spiritual. Paul admits it has “the appearance of wisdom” (Colossians 2:23). But ultimately, it results in an anemic, self-centered, and arrogant spirituality. “What looks like rigorous discipline is in fact a subtle form of self-indulgence.”[11] Detailed regulations and severe self-discipline give the illusion of spiritual maturity, but Paul knows that is only an illusion. He essentially says, “Go that way, and the street will soon come to a dead end. These are simply regulations that function at a worldly level. You will merely be giving up a worldly self-indulgence of a sensual kind for a worldly self-indulgence of a spiritual kind.”[12] Self-mortification can become twisted into perverse self-exaltation.

          The fullness of God is not found in earthly taboos or rigorous self-discipline. Conformity to a list of forbidden activities may have some value, but it may just as easily puff up a person with false humility (“We are proud of our humble accomplishments!”). The reason: It puts self, rather than Christ, at the center:

          A do-it-yourself religion puts “self” at the center and consequently is doomed to failure. If we set as our goals self-discipline, self-awareness, self-fulfillment, self-esteem, self-actualization, or self-help, we usually wind up with a worship of the self.[13]

          1. Hi Nikka,

            This is quite an extravagant explanation to the small topic we discussed… And infact, most churches today are in this condition.. Which is on laws and regulations which bans people from doing many things while they don’t know the true essence of the hearts transformation

            Love you loads…
            Vin 🙂

  8. Nikka, thanks for sharing your heart. Your “voice” is so genuine and refreshing. I feel like you are such an open, loving, and caring sister. I really enjoy your posts as much as April’s. Although you might be telling us the same thing, it’s helpful to hear it from a different point of view. I also love the pictures. You have a beautiful family. Hugs!! 🙂

    1. Hi Bridget!!! 🙂

      Glad you enjoy the posts. I love that we enjoy each other’s posts. It just proves that this is really all about Christ and following Him and not about the blogger(s). 🙂

      I think April and I are very similar in personality type (all or nothing, bad at moderation, type A, academic achiever, elder of two sisters [in her case twins], etc..) and our husbands are quite similar too in temperament and personality. I think that is why God made us “meet” when we did. Similar yet different because of nationality and culture. 🙂

      Thanks for liking the pics and the compliment on our growing family. 🙂 I am a picture person and I loooove pics. Ain’t in obvious?;)

      Hugs Bridget!!! Hope you are well and your husband too. 🙂

      Love,

      Nikka

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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