Skip to main content

My Demon.

From Peacefulwife:

I am SOOOOO proud of this precious wife, Kayla, who is absorbing God’s Word and truth like a sponge and striving to obey Him and learn to respect her husband in ways that actually meet his deepest masculine needs.  She is learning so much!  God is truly at work in her heart and it is a beautiful thing to watch – even from over the internet! 🙂  I wanted her to share this post with all of my readers because I believe wives NEED to hear this.  This wife’s description of her “demon” is DEAD ON.  I wonder if husbands know about this stuff?

  

I started the blog Lessons of Mercy as an accountability to myself, but also to those out there who have found themselves at a place where they see things in their life that need to be transformed into Christ-likeness, however, need a practical way to take the first steps.

Let me tell you a story about Wednesday night.  I really debated writing about this, because my husband reads my blog, however, I’m going to ask him to skip this one because I think the women reading this blog, need to hear about Wednesday night.

I’ve already posted on the this blog about discovering some major disrespect for my husband.  The kind that doesn’t even appear like disrespect in the world we live in today, that seems completely justified, and is so intertwined in my every day life that it’ll be like lifting boulders 100 times my own weight to remove these nasty habits. Yeah, that kind of disrespect.

Wednesday was just an ordinary day until my husband got home from work.  We haven’t been sleeping very well, and he’s been tired.  So he sat down in the chair and turned on the TV while I started fixing supper.

((There is too much back story about the TV “issue” to tell you everything but I will say that I do not have a TV addiction. I actually almost hate the TV.  I never watch it unless he is watching it. Though I have learned to enjoy a couple of the shows. We went 1 1/2 years without any television at all, and recently fixed our antenna so we get all the local channels, which is quite a few more than our parents use to get, but we still don’t have satellite or cable. Even with the absence of TV, we did not take complete advantage according to *me* for what we could do with our time as a family, which tends to make me resentful toward my husband, and with it available in our home again, it is quickly escalating in more time being on and watched than I personally care for it to be on.))

One little thing like the TV being on, quickly invites my demon (yes, I believe everyone has a demon that studies them and tempts them constantly) into a conversation with me.  He says “you’re headed right back to the life where you only speak to your husband on commercials.  Even re-runs are more important than you and the kids.”

I know my Savior. And I can feel the Holy Spirit move.  However, I don’t hear from God like I hear from my demon.  I can pray and spend time in silence after begging God to speak, and feel like after a day of fasting, I still am clueless what God is saying to me, or if He is speaking at all.  But the very moment something pulls on my frustrations, fears, insecurities, or weaknesses, I can hear so vividly and clearly the voice of my demon and am able to carry on long detailed conversations in good or bad directions.

On Wednesday when my demon started talking to me, I spoke back.  But not in my normal fashion.  I said “Get behind me Satan.  I’m not going down this road anymore.”

My husband left to go play guitar.  He’s been doing this once a week after the kids go to bed and I LOVE it!  It gets him out of the house, the chance to play and grow in his talent, and me plenty of time to play around on the computer, crochet or do anything I want without the guilt of ignoring him or the kids.

When my husband left, my demon started talking to me again.  “He was tired tonight, but he has enough energy to go play guitar and stay out til midnight?”

For 11 years, I have taken the bait and spun totally out of control.  I’d spend HOURS at a time ripping my husband to shreds to myself because I let my demon control where the conversation went. But in the last month, God is teaching me things and exposing my sins in grave detail in a way I’ve been so blinded to in the past.

I took those temptations to rip my husband apart and I purposely did the opposite.  I sent him a text thanking him for folding the clothes.  How could I almost have missed that he did that for me?  Remember, it’s because I was being coached to be mad about the TV being on?

I spent time praying for him and thinking about how much we’ve grown in our marriage.

When he got home, I had just headed to bed,  which I don’t normally do.  I am always up waiting for him to get home.  But like I said, we haven’t been sleeping well and I was really tired.  (Which also could have been from such spiritual warfare going on in my heart.)

When he came to bed, he turned on the TV.  I know I know, the stinking TV is like the center of my Wednesday!!  See, we’ve fought quite a few times, jokingly and in some very heated and hurtful conversations about the TV at night.  I like total darkness and complete silence.  He likes the TV being on.

I bet you know what happened.  My demon whispered so tenderly to my ears it practically gave me chills down my neck.  “How come for 11 years he is the one who always gets to go to bed the way he prefers?  Why did he automatically decide *you* have to learn to go to sleep with the TV on?  Why can’t he learn to go to sleep with it off?”

I was so afraid of what I was about to do next that I kissed my husband on the cheek, said “I love you” and then told him I was going to go ahead and sleep on the couch.  When he asked why, I just said as respectfully as I could, “I can’t sleep in here tonight.”

I had to remove myself.  Do you have any idea how many times we’ve fought while trying to go to bed because I’ve had hours of husband bashing sessions with my demon and then I take the opportunity to slay him apart to his face for how awful he is, how bad he messes up, how much he hurts me and every other thing I’m TOTALLY justified and entitled to say?

I laid down on the couch and quickly heard “Why isn’t he out here?  He knows the TV is bugging you, why isn’t he saying you should jump back in bed and he’ll sleep on the couch? Oh yeah, and don’t forget about this…. even though you told him you really need it, he still isn’t praying with you.”  Ouch.  The most tender point of devastation and he HAD to go there.  I tell you what, my demon knows me SO well.  The TV has NOTHING to do with praying together, and he brought it up as a last resort to get me to walk back in that room and destroy our intimacy, respect, trust and unity in our marriage.

I prayed and I told my demon that I have so much sin of my own and I am called to respect my husband no matter what I *think or feel* in any given moment.  I purposefully for the VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE took my thoughts captive, stopped the demon from talking to me, and went to sleep.

I woke up so relieved!!  I didn’t say a bunch of really mean or hurtful things I couldn’t take back.  I kept the TV in perspective and didn’t allow that to be the standard by which I measure him as a husband and father.  I took my thoughts captive and spoke truth over the lies.

I can do this with the help the Holy Spirit is providing.  These boulders can be moved and these habits can be changed.

There are two main reasons why I am finally finding freedom and success.  And they have NOTHING to do with who my husband is, how he acts, or how he treats me. (Because ladies, I got a REALLY good one.  Bragging for another post : )

The first thing I’m really understanding for the first time in my life is that I have thought for 11 years that I’m better than my husband.  It comes out in a few different ways but mostly in the attitude that he sins more than me, and worse than me.  I’ve undoubtedly entertained this lie intimately with thoughts, actions and words that say “I would never have a TV addiction.”  “I’m so much better than him because I’d never do _______.”  “If he was really walking with the Lord he would do xyz.”

Hello pride.  No, I don’t have a TV addiction.  But I have an internet addiction.  No, I wouldn’t ever do _____ but I have spent multiple conversations “gossiping” to my friends.  No, he isn’t doing xyz right now, but I don’t do ALL KINDS of commands in scripture.   It’s disgusting how blind I’ve been to my own sin and how much pride has taken residence in my marriage.

And secondly, I will answer for my actions as a wife.  And God is not going to accept from me “Well, he did this or that.”  My sins will have no justification. And if I really love the Lord and want to serve Him in obedience, I can’t keep looking at someone elses actions and let that decide how I react to the commands my Savior has given me.  I have resolved in my heart that I want to live by the authority of God’s Word, not because of what I have or don’t have but because I have the opportunity to be obedient and give my life in service to become as christ-like as I can this side of eternity.

The Holy Spirit will empower me to live my life with purpose IF I choose to participate.  My only other option is to live my life in reaction to the way other people act by default. That really leaves me trapped and defensive. Feelings I’m definitely no stranger to, but have never been happy to claim as my identity.

Practical Application:

Stop having conversations with my demon.

Take my thoughts captive.

Meditate on the two truths I’m learning from above.

Own freedom.

Live with purpose.

Bring God glory by being obedient to the call on my life no matter if others are doing the same or not.

Respect my husband. Always. In ALL ways.

I had this same LOUD voice in my head all the time – every waking moment – that was constantly accusing my husband of evil – evil motives, evil desires, evil intentions towards me.  I trusted that voice.  I thought that was normal. Turns out the voice was WRONG.  I was greatly deceived.  Learning to respect our husbands involves silencing the demon and our sinful nature.  It means staying on top of sin and repenting for ever single thing that has the slightest offense in God’s sight.  And it means being empowered by God’s Spirit to do what we can’t do on our own.  This is a process.  I am so thankful for this peek into a wife’s thinking and into her heart.  What she is describing is the battle to slay sin and crucify ourselves so that we can live for Christ – it’s part of learning.  She does a FANTASTIC job describing this stage of the journey.  Thank you SO MUCH, Lessonsofmercy, for sharing this powerful piece with us! (PS – my demon had used ALL of those exact same lines on me for 15.5 years.  WORD FOR WORD!  The tv, the praying, everything.  He still tries it on me sometimes – but I cling to Christ and my husband and don’t listen to the accuser anymore!)

SOMETHING TO CAREFULLY CONSIDER:

Demons are real according to the Bible and they are extremely powerful. It is dangerous to try to have conversations with them. God is much more powerful than demons are, but we are not. Here is what Scripture has to say about some false teachers and the casual way they spoke of demons:

Bold and arrogant, they are not afraid to heap abuse on celestial beings; 11 yet even angels, although they are stronger and more powerful, do not heap abuse on such beings when bringing judgment on them from the Lord. 12 But these people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like animals they too will perish. II Peter 2

8In the very same way, on the strength of their dreams these ungodly people pollute their own bodies, reject authority and heap abuse on celestial beings. 9But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not himself dare to condemn him for slander but said, “The Lord rebuke you!” 10Yet these people slander whatever they do not understand, and the very things they do understand by instinct—as irrational animals do—will destroy them. Jude

29 thoughts on “My Demon.

  1. Great example for all the wives out there living for Jesus, April thank you so much for letting God use you, you inspire me

  2. Eve was first deceived by Satan. Now why do you suppose he didn’t go after Adam first? Women seem so submissive to our demons. And as was mentioned in the article, they are persistent and LOUD! I think that’s how we can distinguish between the voice of God and the demons. The Holy Spirit is a still, gentle voice, and retraining ourselves to hear the Spirit speak is a major challenge, especially in today’s world as it grows continually darker. Thanks for sharing! I can relate!!!

    1. Sherry,
      That is a REALLY great point! Yes, the enemy is loud, obnoxious and urgent – so are hormones! GREAT wisdom here about the voice of God. Thanks for sharing!

    2. Submissive to demons. Hmmm… What a terrifying thought. I am definitely doing a lot of thinking about this phrase. I can completely see that I was submissive to the enemy, and resisted God so many times in the past. Thinking I was on God’s side, but I was so deceived.

      We will submit to something or someone, won’t we? Whether it is sinful nature, demons or God.

      This is an idea I want to discuss more, that is for sure!

      1. This is the crux point: submitting to Satan. He has demons at his beck and call. I am Muslim. I grew up Christian, but it is the same struggle for us all. Where others tell us that we are being victimized as women, the Peaceful Wife is telling the truth: God will only hold us accountable for what we do. The inner struggle is the real jihad. I think I was losing this battle until I read your post. I insulted my husband’s mother and then I got the knee jerk reaction that kicked me in the butt! So who did I blame? Him of course, for losing it! Then my kids saw him disrespect me. So now we can only expect them to disrespect their father and perhaps copy him, which would make Satan a very happy fellow indeed!

        Satan wants us all to go astray. He is happy about my sly comment, happy that we not talking, happy that the kids think his actions looked wacko and ruined Thanksgiving dinner. Well, I am not going to give Satan any more head space! I will say Astughfars. This prayer is to say sorry to God that I have sinned and I am attempting to straighten myself out by recommitting myself to Him.

        If we are only responsible for what we do, the good news is that our best IS good enough. Thank you, Peaceful wife!

        1. Allison,

          It is so easy to see what others do that hurts us but to miss what we did that hurt them. I’m so glad that you realized that insulting your husband’s mother was not a good idea and that you want to change your own heart and approach. That is very wise!

          Thank you very much for sharing!

          The Bible says that our attempts at being good are like “filthy, bloody menstrual rags” in God’s sight (Isaiah 64:6). But the really Good News is that Jesus (God Himself in the flesh) lived the perfect life we could not live and died the death we deserved in order to pay the massive price for our sins so that we can be right with God. Not through our attempts at goodness, but through His perfect goodness. Then He can empower us to live in victory over sin and Satan in ways we could never be able to do in our own strength.

          Much love and the biggest hug to you!

          April 🙂

  3. I have one thing to say: Thank You. I have the same Demon, and, now I have better tools. Again, thank you.

  4. I learn so much from the stories of other women and their journeys. Real life stories, I love them! Also, it helps to know I’m not alone with my demon(s).

  5. Wow omg that is the exact thing I’ve been going through and I learned this month my husband and I don’t have a tv in the bedroom but we have the exact same other problems tv watching video games card games. I had always thought that he was supposed to spiritually nurture me and we have been married over 2 years and only once or twice we have prayed together even when I would beg him to teach me and pray with me he wouldn’t. But I recently in the last week learned or rather was reminded that I am an anointed woman if God and we have authority even over the devil and our thoughts and actions. And that my husband is not responsible for my happiness nor my relationship with God because it is mine to tend. Realizing and practicing this has brought back my joy and with joy being back in my home linked with my efforts to respect my husband and do what is right I know that God will bless and increase the fruit and my husband will be blessed as well and his life influenced for the better. Thank you so much for sharing this story !

  6. This is such an excellent post. She does such a great job of identifying the source of so much discontent we can have when we don’t search diligently for truth in our thoughts. I’ve read it before, but it’s really worth a re-read. Thanks for the reminder.

  7. This is a great article. It’s very convicting to me. I know April that you don’t give advice towards the husbands but I think the husband was disrespectful to her by turning on the tv at bedtime. So my question is would you suggest to her to bring it up at another time when he might be more in the mood to hear it or not since it’s their “hot” button issue?

    1. Tiffany,

      I agree that husbands have a lot of room for improvement. I believe it would be very loving and selfless of a husband in this position to turn off the tv to honor his wife and allow her to sleep.

      If she brings it up, and he refuses to turn off the tv, she is left with several options – none of which are my favorite. This has been a big issue in our marriage, too. So I am speaking from experience here.

      1. As he feels more and more respected, he will begin to care a lot more about her feelings (most likely). So it may be that she can bring it up again in a few months

      2. If she does approach this issue, she could gently, respectfully, saying something like: “Honey, I know you need the tv on to be able to go to sleep. Unfortunately, it really disturbs my sleep. What do you suggest I do about this?”

      or “I am not getting enough sleep because of the tv being on so late. I can’t keep going with so much sleep deprivation. I will have to sleep on the couch from now on at 10:00pm, unless you find a better solution for me. I just can’t be the wife and mom I want to be unless I get enough rest. It makes me REALLY sad to think that I would have to sleep in another room. I just don’t know what else to do.”

      3. PRAY! But when she prays, she must be so careful not to be prideful or self-righteous. I used to pray that the TV would break. But it was with a really nasty attitude – God did not answer that prayer! 🙂

      I hope this might be helpful!

      1. Just want to add one more suggestion to the list: Get a comfy, good quality face mask and a pair of ear plugs. That’s what I had to do due to the tv being on as we fall asleep, and I sleep so much better now in darkness and quiet!

        When we had babies, I’d only sleep with one ear plug and have my husband help me listen for a cry in the night. It was so much better than nagging him about the tv after I let him know the first time that I prefer the tv off, or having to leave the room and sleep somewhere else! Also, they make some decent quality cordless head phones that you can wear to listen to the tv. Hubby has a pair of those he wears when he’s watching tv downstairs and doesn’t want to disturb the whole family!

        Excellent post today, by the way! Things took a 180 degree turn for me when I silenced the demons with God’s help!

    2. Tiffany: I don’t get the thing with having the TV on while going to sleep either, but if they’ve already fought about it, it doesn’t seem like it would be productive to bring it up again now. I would hope April is right that after some time of living with a different Kayla, her husband will make a change on his own. In the meantime, perhaps a sleep/eye mask to block out the light, and soft earplugs to muffle the sound? That would seem better than sleeping separately or losing sleep.

  8. This is so powerful! I’ve never seen the negative thoughts expressed as “having a demon” but she is spot on about the conversations I’ve had with myself regarding my husband’s habits, preferences, behaviors. Very convicting post!

  9. “The first thing I’m really understanding for the first time in my life is that I have thought for 11 years that I’m better than my husband. It comes out in a few different ways but mostly in the attitude that he sins more than me, and worse than me.”

    My ex-wife thought, believed, and lived like this for most of our 29 years of marriage. I’m not sure how long the honeymoon period lasted, during which she either thought I didn’t have feet of clay or could tolerate it for a short period. But by about the 15th year, it had become clear to me. I remember telling a counselor that for a while I had believed our most pressing problem was sex, but then I suddenly realized that she just didn’t like me very much, and hadn’t for a long time. It was devastating to me and to the marriage. I believe it’s the root reason she ended up divorcing me in the absence of genuine biblical grounds and over my objection.

    Ladies, whether you verbalize this to your husband or not, he “knows” that this is what you believe. And he’s devastated by it, resulting in withdrawal, anger, acting out in some way, etc. I pray that Kayla’s and April’s writings will head off this result in many marriages.

    1. David,

      That was me, too. 🙁 I definitely thought I was better than my husband, more spiritual, more mature, closer to God. I looked down on him. He never talked about my awful attitude. He never called me on it. I didn’t see it myself. I never consciously thought “I’m better than he is.” But that is exactly what I believed and how I lived.

      What regret I have now – that I lived like that for the first 14.5 years of our marriage. The damage I did with my sin of self-righteousness, pride and idolatry of self and being in control was astronomical. I didn’t see it. I only knew I was hurting and feeling unloved. I had no idea my husband was deeply wounded. Not only did I destroy the intimacy in our marriage – but I hurt my husband’s walk with God. My husband believed my opinion that I was so much better than he was and that I was so much more spiritually mature – and drifted away from God.

      WHAT IF I had understood all of these things about being a godly wife 19 years ago? How different would our marriage have been? What would it be like today? What blessings and intimacy did we miss because of my sin? What leadership experience did I rob my husband of during those 14+ years that he could have been growing by leaps and bounds in his walk with Christ? What if I had been a partner with God instead of aligning myself with the enemy against my husband – thinking I was doing the “will of God”?

      I pray that other wives will learn from Kayla’s example and my example – and not go down that road themselves. Or stop and do a U-turn now if they are on this road.

  10. I also have these same demons, all along I thought it was myself thinking of these horrible things about what my husband was and wasn’t doing. This was a blessing for a post, now I see that they are demons attacking me at my weakest moments. Only with God can I fight these demons. Thank you for sharing your story lessonsofmercy !

  11. This was great!!! I think we all have that demon whispering lies and upsetting things in our heads! It’s great to know that you’re not alone–and that others have overcome these destructive thoughts and actions (over many of the same circumstances!)

  12. Dear peaceful wife. I’m in the middle of my u-turn and praise God for posts from Kayla and blogs from u. i believe like u that I’ve hurt my hubby’s walk with God because of the years of self pride, thinking I’m more spiritual than him. My question is how do I slowly build him up so that he desires to lead family? These life stories are just what I can relate to. Have any? I understand and truly believe in the respect/love relationship and it has been so life changing for me to have examples rather than just telling me I need to be respectful. Thank u

    1. Carla,
      I am THRILLED that God is working so powerfully in your life!

      I have TONS of posts about these topics. YOu can scroll backwards on the blog timeline at the top of my home page.

      There are some at the end of last August and beginning of last September that are extremely helpful for stepping down and letting husband lead and encouraging his leadership.
      The post form 1-1-13 is a great place to start.
      The post on 1-2-13 is about praying for our husbands so that God will hear

      The posts linked at the top of my home page are very foundational about respect, disrespect and biblical submission as well as respect and sexual attraction.

      ALso,
      Search for these titles in the search box, please:
      Dissection of a Disrespectful Conversation Part 1 and 2
      The Fly Swatter Incident.
      My Husband Wants to go Where?
      Joyful Submission and a Boat
      A Wife’s Great Faith and a Truck

      THen on the right column, you can look for topic categories – empowering husband’s leadership, control, testimonials.

      1. Thank u can’t wait to dive in. Praise God for this ministry and that He has opened my eyes to my sin. Praying God will continue to open my eyes to His truth and my hubby will contine to be patient with me

        1. Carla,

          I also pray that God will open your eyes to His truth, His Word and that He might empower you to repent of anything that offends Him, then flood your soul with His light, hope, faith, peace, joy, love and power to be the godly wife He desires you to be. And I pray your husband will have favor and grace as you learn. This is a LONG process. It does not happen overnight. It takes most wives many months, sometimes a year or years to truly “get it” and for these new ways to become normal.

          Here’s a great post about the usual process that might be helpful for you. If your husband is a CHristian, you may be able to share some of these things with him.

          The first thing to do, will be to apologize for your disrespect and control. a BRIEF apology.
          I have a Youtube Video about that.

          How to Apologize for Your Disrespect and Control

          But, more important than your words of apology, will be the change in your attitude and behavior – a new humility will overcome you, a willingness to see his wisdom and listen to him, a cooperative, kind spirit. A desire to learn to speak his language of respect. You can ask him what is respectful/disrespectful to him. Some husbands know – others don’t, at first.

          I’m right here any time you want to talk! 🙂

  13. Thank you, I needed to read this right now! The Holy Spirit has truly lead me here right now.

    Screen name is in the Making!!!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

%d bloggers like this: